Lusting After Mr. Knight

"Dani. Can you please come here for a second?" My mom says with a worried tone to her voice from the next room, as I wash the mud out of my plaid mini skirt.

Today, I had gone on my first date with Kelley, and it ended horribly. We were riding along the path, when suddenly the horse reared up violently and I fell off. I looked like I had never ridden before. "That's what I get for trying to ride on her sideways." I murmur under my breath while walking out the door.

If I had gone with my instincts and straddled Jane like I usually did, I would have been just fine. Of course, it all ended with me on my ass in the mud and feeling embarrassed about it. Of course, it had to happen on my 20th birthday.

Remembering the hungry way Kelley looked at me, I find myself shaking my head in disbelief. I just can't believe that he helped me up afterwards and then leaned forward to kiss me hard on the lips. When he did, he grabbed my breasts and then said in a husky voice, "Dani, I want you." The moment those words registered in my brain, I backed away and ran off.

By the time I walked home, my mother was sitting on the porch staring at me in judgement. Clearly, she thought that I had fucked him. But what she didn't realize, is the fact that I'm still a virgin.

"Yeah, ma. What is it?" I ask her while thinking about taking a shower to wash off the memory of his hands touching my body.

She stares at me and doesn't say anything at first, just stands there. My mother had always tried to make me a better person. That way I would end up with more than she did.

When I was younger, she paid for a tutor in German and other languages. I guess she figured that if I was multilingual, I could get any job I wanted to. Or live anywhere my heart desires.

What she doesn't seem to understand though, is the fact that I don't want to live anywhere else. This is where I grew up and where my heart wants to be, for at least the time being. Now, perhaps there will come a time when I want to move on, but till then I am happy here.

When I was younger, I always had my nose stuck in a book, and because of it I was not popular. But one day, when a new girl came into town, I finally found a friend. Since then, we have been best friends through thick and thin. Even after she found out that she was pregnant with Billy Jones's baby.

As soon as she found out, the news spread like wildfire throughout the whole town. When her parent's heard about it from the minister first, they sent her out of town to have the baby. Stating, "You aren't married, and we know damn well that you won't be when this child is born. So, we are doing what is best for you. After the child is born, it will be put up for adoption."

Realizing that my mom is talking to me, I focus on her and finally hear the words coming from her mouth, "Baby, did you use protection tonight?" She whispers right next to my ear, as she leans so close that I can feel her breath on my skin.

Shocked by what she had just asked, I frown and then say while floundering for words, "Mom, no. I mean we didn't do anything."

Hurt by her insinuation, I should have known this was coming by the way she looked at me when I walked up the driveway. Even though she said nothing immediately afterwards, I saw the disappointment in her eyes when she saw me. It took me so long to get home, because I was caked in mud and had to walk.

Shaking my head, I close my eyes and stand there silently, because the tears pour out that have been threatening too all along. Feeling them cascade down my cheeks, I let it all out and softly sob. "Oh baby, I'm sorry. I didn't know. I just figured." Her voice trails off as she takes me in her arms.

After what seems like forever, I stop crying and enjoy the feel of my face against my mother's soft sweater. In a way I feel bad because it is the one truly nice thing she owns. It's a chenille, baby blue sweater that her sister had given her when she married a rich man.

Eventually, I straighten up and stand tall before saying to her softly, "Ma, I need to go rinse the skirt out before the mud sets. I think I have washed it all out, but I want to make sure."

She nods while forcing a smile and then I watch as she turns and sits back down on the porch swing. It is 9 p.m. now and I am ready to end this horrible day. So, as soon as I get this rinsed out, I head to bed because I must get up in the morning.

Once I am done scrubbing and rinsing the skirt, I clean my silk blouse as best as I can and then run them out to the clothesline. When I walk outside, I feel the coolness of the night on my hands as the blisters still burn from scrubbing so much. So much so, that when I hang up my clothes on the line, I rub them together to warm them.

When I get back in the house, I hear ma out front on the porch yelling, "Help." Just barely in a strained voice.

Rushing to get to her, I open the front door and find her on the porch, lying with her back on the wood floor. Her face is as white as can be and she is gasping for air. She looks at me with a scared look in her eyes and then she passes out before I can do anything.

Scared beyond belief, I fall to my knees and check to make sure she is still breathing. Once I am sure that she is still alive, I stand up before running back inside quickly and grabbing my phone. After calling 911, I sit with her head in my lap and wait for the ambulance to arrive.

After a long night in the hospital waiting room and several cups of coffee later, a doctor in his fifties with silver hair and glasses, finally walks out and tells me what is happening. "Are you Dani Robinson?" He asks in a very flat tone, while he checks his watch for the time.

I raise my head and glance at him over the magazine to say, "Yes. Why?" In an apprehensive voice.

"Your mother has had a heart attack and will need to stay in the hospital for several weeks if not longer. We had to open her chest and there is always the risk of reoccurring heart attack, stroke, or infection. The question is who will be paying for this? Our insurance department has informed us that she does not have any."

My heart sinks when I hear the news because there is no way I can come up with thousands of dollars. The only money I have is from my part-time job at the creamery down the street from here. If they made me a manager, maybe I could swing it, but otherwise not in a million years. Frowning, I glance down at the floor and then back up at him before asking, "How long do I have to come up with it?"

Faking a smile, he states flatly, "A week the most. If most of what is due isn't paid within that time, they will kick her out of the hospital and then it is hard to tell if she will make it or not." His voice fades off as he looks me up and down appreciatively, before continuing, "You know. You are very beautiful. Perhaps you could work down at the strip club in the city. There you would earn it fairly fast. I have seen girls come out waving five hundred dollars in their hands while they brag to their friends, from just one night."

With his eyes all over me, I feel completely naked and self-conscious, so I lower my eyes and try to change the conversation quickly. "Is there a payment plan? Or someone I can go to, to talk this over with?" I ask, hoping that they will be willing to work with me somehow.

"No. There isn't a payment plan that I have heard of, but the finance department will be open in an hour. You can talk to someone there." He starts to turn away, but then looks back at me lecherously, "Remember what I said about the stripping gig. There is great potential there with that body of yours and your looks. Just let your hair down out of that bun and smile for god's sake. I know that I would give you a 50-dollar tip easily if you came and sat on my lap." He says with a smile and then turns to walk away.

As I watch him walk back through the double doors, I begin to wonder if I should do it after all. Even though, I know full well that I could never do it. I'm still a virgin and wouldn't have the foggiest clue how to seduce a man, even if I tried.

Taking a deep breath, I finish up the rest of my coffee and then walk up to the counter to ask when I can see my mother. I know I should have asked the doctor, but he caught me off guard with all the suggestions about stripping and the large amount of her bill for staying in here. Who was he to suggest such a thing to me of all people?

When the pretty young nurse turns her attention to me, she asks, "May I help you?" With a smile on her cherry red lips.

I return the smile and answer her with a somewhat hoarse voice, "I want to see my mother, when will she be able to have visitors?"

"What's her name sweetie?" She glances from me to the computer and then back up again while waiting for my answer.

"Judith Robinson. She has just come out of surgery." I quickly state.

Noting that she writes it down first, she types it into her computer and then starts to search for it. It takes her a few minutes, but finally she looks back up at me before saying, "It looks like she is in room 411. She should be able to have visitors now actually." She glances back down at something and then to me before announcing and pointing towards the elevators. "Go down the hall that way till you hit the elevators, then take it to the fourth floor. Room 411 should be just a few doors down from them. You shouldn't be able to miss it." She pauses and then lowers her voice, "Sweetie, I due hope she gets better." After smiling one last time, she returns her attention to the papers in front of her.

Turning around, I follow her directions till I come to the elevators. There is a little girl holding her mother's hand standing directly in front of me, so I can't push the button. Raising my voice, I say, "Excuse me. I need to push the button."

The mother turns to me and then glares before moving over and sighing loudly. "Some people." She mumbles loud enough for me to hear and then she looks down at her daughter.

The bell chimes and then the doors open, but it has an arrow for down. So, I watch them walk onto the elevator and leave me standing alone there. As I grow impatient, I hear two doctors come up behind me and talk about one of the patients.

Finally, the bell chimes and the doors open for me. I look over and the arrow sign shows up before smiling, and murmuring under my breath, "Thank goodness, finally." As I roll my eyes and walk into the elevator.

While standing there, I begin to wonder if I shouldn't take the doctor's advice. For one thing it would pay the bills and perhaps there would be a silver lining. My mother always told me, "Get out of your comfort zone, otherwise you will never realize your true potential. Staying in this town, you will never get a taste for the finer things in life either, I know because look where I am." She would often say this while stroking her chenille sweater and staring off into the darkness.

When the doors open, I walk out and sure enough my mother's room was two doors from the elevator to the right. I smile and prepare myself for the worst before I open the door slowly and check if she is awake or not. Once I peek my head in to see if she is or not, I notice a nurse standing by her bed, taking her vitals.

"Hi, I am Judith's daughter Dani. I didn't want to scare you, after walking in so quietly. I just didn't know if mom would be sleeping or not." I state while smiling, in hopes of not getting on the nurse's bad side.

"Ah, yes. She has been asking for you. I will leave the two of you alone to chat while I run these stats over to the doctor to check out." She smiles and then leaves the room quickly.

"Dani, have you been out there waiting for me since last night?" My mother's wrinkles in her brow are so much clearer today as she asks that question.

"Yes ma. I was so worried about you, and they didn't even keep me updated. I just found out how you were just a few minutes ago, when the doctor walked out and told me finally."

She hesitates before saying anything, till she takes a deep breath and sighs, "Well, come here and give me a hug, then you are going home to get some rest. I will be just fine in no time, so don't be worrying about me." She furrows her brow even more and then makes a face at me before I hug her.

Hugging her, I wrap my arms around so many cords that I am afraid I will pull something out. She must sense my worry, because then she forces me to look at her by saying, "Dani, it's alright. I just had a bad spill. Everything always works out in the end. You will see." She kisses me on the cheek and then squeezes me tight before I release her.

Gesturing for me to leave, she says with a smile, "Now go. Get some sleep. I won't be going anywhere. Now don't worry, I will be here when you return."

Feeling a little better about this whole thing, I leave without even mentioning the bills. That is the last thing she needs to be thinking about right now. If dad were still around, he would take care of them, but he isn't, so it will fall on me.

On the drive home, I think about everything the doctor said. Is that really the only way? Should I do it?

It goes against everything my mother has always instilled in me, and yet there is something intriguing about what he suggests. So intriguing, that I am willing to investigate it further and possibly even pursue it. The only thing that bothers me about stripping, however, is the fact that so many men think that you are willing to do anything to be paid. That is simply not the case for me.

If I go down that path, I must make sure to not keep going into the abyss. Because once you take that step, you never return. I remember one time a while back, I had to go into the city at night for my mother's medications.

There were women lining the streets with their pimps in the bad parts of town. As I drove by, I saw cars pulling up to the curbs, and then the women flocking to them. That is what pops in my head, when I think of strippers and what it all leads to afterwards.

Pulling down the long dirt road that leads to the house, I watch our neighbor Joy put out her trashcan, before going into work. She is a 34-year-old nurse at the hospital, and on more than one occasion, has helped my mom when I was younger. Often enough, I would sprain something, and she would call Joy to come over and look at it.

My dad was never home because he was always working at the mill in town. So, on the rare occasion that I did really hurt myself, ma had to rely on Joy for transportation too. She is such a nice person and very motherly, so much so, that I often have wondered why she doesn't settle down and have her own kids.

Maybe it is because they work her so much at the hospital or could it be that she can't afford them on her salary? Although, you would think that whoever she married, would be able to support them. This train of thought starts me thinking about the hospital bill again and I start to worry.

By the time I lie my head on the pillow, it is almost lunch time. No wonder why I can't sleep, it is too light out and now I'm hungry. With my stomach growling, I climb out of bed and grab left over lasagna out of the fridge to warm up.

"Great. I guess I am just going to have to learn how to cook." I mutter under my breath and then wipe the sweat off my brow.

For some reason it is incredibly hot in the house today, so I open the kitchen window while waiting for my food to warm up in the microwave. As I sit on the stool, I stare at a Jay that is perched on the nearest branch. It's a pretty little thing, with its shockingly blue feathers.

When I hear the microwave beep, I stand up and stretch my long legs. "At least I have that going for me." I state to myself.

What is it the doctor said? Oh, forget it. I don't want to remember the conversation right now, because I am sure he was not looking at my face when he was saying it. Matter fact, I know he wasn't. Ugh.

After eating the left-over lasagna, my stomach stops growling and my eyes start to close. So, I finally return to my bed and lie my head on the pillow again. This time, my eyes close instantly, and as I drift off to sleep, one thing and one thing only pops in my head. "If I start to strip, will Kelley think any less of me?"

Sleeping through the rest of the day, I wake up at 10 p.m. and feel like taking on the world. After calling my mom at the hospital and then talking with the doctors, I decide that this is the perfect time to venture to the city and check out how to become a stripper. I had tried to use a search engine to find out, but all it brought up was movies that had stripping in the titles. Not what I was going for obviously.

Since I have no idea, I figure that I might as well go to a strip club with Amanda, and maybe it will give me inspiration. Besides, I happen to know when we hang out together, everyone thinks we are gay. That could come in handy because it could dissuade men from hitting on me.

As I call Amanda, I happen to start to think that this might not be such a good idea. If anyone in our little neck of the woods finds out I am thinking of stripping, it would cause all kinds of trouble. Not to mention, if my mom only knew that her only daughter was about to show her body to the whole world for money, she may think I am going to hell.

"Hey, it's me. I have a problem and I need some help." I hesitate to ask because I know exactly what she will say when I tell her.

"What's up?" She sounds tired and I hate to drag her into this, but she is the only one I can count on now.

"My mom had a heart attack and the hospital told me that if I don't come up with several hundred thousand dollars within the week, they will kick her out and she will die. They are afraid of her getting an infection, because they had to open her chest and do heart surgery last night." After saying it, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest.

"Oh my. I am so sorry Dani. Is there anything I can do? I mean, I don't have that kind of money, but if you need support, I am here for you." She sounds so sad when she says it, but then she sighs, and I hear the dead silence on the line.

"There is something you can do for me. I need to go into the city tonight to check something out, but I can't go alone." I say quickly and hope that she understands when I tell her the rest.

"Are you in trouble, Dani?" I hear her say in almost a whisper before I spit it out finally.

"No, well yeah. In a way. I need to get a job, so I figured I could check out a few things tonight in the city. The doctor at the hospital suggested that I get a job stripping. He said that I could make the money quickly." Just telling her this, makes me feel like my I.Q. is dropping.

There is silence on the phone and then she says softly, "Are you sure, Dani? I know you are still a virgin. Is this really the best thing for you? I mean, I just don't think you have enough expertise in something like this, and what if you get up on the stage and the men don't like the way you move? You can't handle rejection at all, Dani." I hear the warning in her voice, but I know I must do this for my ma.

"I don't have a choice. If I don't pay the bill, she dies." My voice fades off while I think of what to wear.

"Well, if you are dead set on this, make sure you have your mace. I would hate to think of you lying in some darkened alley, after a man has raped you." The dark image flashes through my head before she continues, and it scares me to my core. "Fine, let me get ready and I will be at your house in a half an hour."

While I wait for her to arrive, I pick out an outfit to die for. My long red dress that has a lunging neckline and a slit up the thigh that stops at my hip. You can't wear underwear with it because it shows. The last time I wore it, was last year at my birthday bash. Amanda convinced me to wear the dress and I was glad when Kelley seemed to be very appreciative of it.

After stepping into it, I stare into my full-length mirror and admire the reflection before me. I guess, if I must strip, at least I have the body for it. As I think it, I brush my long chestnut brown hair and make sure that my makeup doesn't look too trashy.

When I hear the doorbell ring, I pull on my high heels and try to walk as carefully as I can. I have never been one for them, but this dress and this journey I am about to embark on, calls for them. So, as I answer the door, I wonder one thing. How long can I walk in these before I kill my feet? Or twist my ankle this time?

Laughing at myself, I open the door and look Amanda up and down. She is beautiful, she always has been. That is why she has found herself pregnant and with so many men vying for her attention. I on the other hand, usually wander away from the crowd and try to find my own little space to be in.

"Wow, you look so beautiful tonight, Amanda. No one would ever guess that you are four months pregnant." I state in awe of her as she stands there in a designer dress, that looks like a second skin on her.

"Well, thanks to Nathan. He brought it home the other day because he likes to roll play and then you can guess what happened next." After she states it in an excited tone, she rolls her eyes and smirks.

"Hmm. Lemme guess. He wanted you to be a stripper." I say while humoring her and laughing at the same time.

As I grab my purse and a light jacket, I shut the door behind me and then we walk to her car. On the way, she nods and says, "Yeah, that is why this is whole thing is so ironic."

Smiling, I wonder what he made her do when they role played, but I don't dare ask. Knowing her, she would tell me everything and then I would just get jealous. She loves him and that is what counts in this world.

After getting in the car, I stare out the window for a few minutes until she leans over and turns the radio on low. "So, how we going to play this one? Should we just walk in and pretend we own the joint? Or shall we sit back and watch the natives have their fun until you are comfortable enough to do your thing girl?" She gives me a funny glance and then returns her attention to the road.

"I don't know. I haven't thought it through that far yet. Honesty, I think I should watch and learn. If we see some guy who looks like he owns the joint, maybe I will ask him if he has any job openings."

The minute I say it, she starts laughing her ass off. "Wait a minute, nah. Wait a minute. You are going to walk up to the owner of the club, and just ask if he has a job opening? That sounds so messed up." She keeps laughing and then when she realizes I am dead serious, she stops and glances over at me.

When she does, we both bust up laughing and the rest of the trip we sing to the radio in our best screechy voices. By the time we get to the city, it is after midnight. All the hookers are standing on the street corners and the Joe's are driving up to pick them up for a quickie.

Amanda finds a parking spot at one of the strip clubs and says, "Well, this looks like just as good a place as any. Shall we?" We get out and she locks the car before we walk to the club.

Turning to me she asks, "Are you sure you want to do this?" I nod, and then we both walk up to the entrance and open the door.

Once inside, the smoke instantly hits me, and I start to cough. One thing about living in the country, is that the air is clean at least. It may have its downside too, but at least the air is always fresh and smells like flowers or freshly cut grass.

Smiling, I glance at Amanda and then take a hold of her hand when an older gentleman starts to stare at me. His eyes wander to my breasts automatically, and then I see that same old lust in his eyes that I saw in the doctors. Maybe if we play gay here, they will leave us alone for at least a little while.

Seeing that they have a bar, we walk over to it hand in hand. At first, there isn't a place to sit, so we stand, and then Amanda spots two seats that just happen to open. When I take a seat, I scan the room and note that the bartender looks very handsome with his long black hair and that smile that says spread your legs for me.

Noticing that we don't have a drink, he walks over and asks, "What can I help you two ladies with? You look like you both need a stiff drink if you get my drift." His eyes wander to mine, and he starts to stare before I get a chance to answer.

Someone walks up behind us and then states, "Their drinks are on the house, Mikey. They are my guests, tonight."

"Alright, Mr. Knight. Whatever you say."