Loving Her Duke

September 1821

"Beth. Bethany, wake up. It's morning." Eric whispered in her ear, shaking her up. She stirred and turned, shoving him away as she did. "Wake up woman, it's your birthday." He whispered again, successfully capturing her attention. Beth sat up and glared at her brother who was sitting on the edge of her bed.

The heat from the fireplace had reduced with the dead fire, but Eric held up a candle to her face, smiling sheepishly at her. His face would make anyone think that the survival of the world rested singularly on her birthday. She blinked and started to lie back down.

Eric pulled her legs to rouse her even more. "Stop it!" She whined. "What is it about my birthday that's making you so joyful?"

He placed his finger on his lips, then walked to the table and sat candle down. Whispering, he said. "Quiet down, unless you intend to wake Mother and Father."

Beth pulled her blanket to her neck and whispered back. "I'm glad you realized that it is too early to be rudely interrupting other people's sleep." Then, "What do you want?" He got off her bed and yanked the covers. "Hey!" She protested.

"Quiet down!" He was still whispering.

"Why would you do that?" At the brink of tears, she lamented, hugging herself in her cotton night garment. "Why are you doing this to me? It's cold. And it's my birthday!"

"I said to be quiet." He threw her the cover, rolled up into a messy ball. "Get dressed."

She angrily pulled the cover to herself, intending to return to sleep. "Why?"

He smiled and pirouetted in a parading manner. Beth noticed that he had shed his nightshirt for outdoor clothes. At the early hours of the day? She wondered. "You always wanted to see the sun rise from the hill at the east side of the manor. Come with me, I'll take you there." Then he smiled again.

Beth spared him a look, her eyes shining. "Do you mean your words?" She tested. He nodded the smile widening. "But Mother would never let us get that far out." Although she said that, half her heart was already on the hill.

"All the more reason to be quiet." He warned. "She can't keep us sheltered forever. And you are eighteen now, soon you would have to leave home." When she hesitated, he said. "I'll take responsibility." She squealed and jumped into his hands. He gave her a bear hug and ordered. "Get changed. Let's escape before anyone wakes up."

Without a second to lose, Beth shooed her brother out and hurriedly got dressed in an old thick dress. She gathered, secured and abandoned her hair on the top of her head and jumped into the nearest boots. Grabbing her jacket, she rushed out and nearly bumped into Eric. With a gasp, she stopped. "Sorry."

"Shh." He reminded, his finger again on his lips. "Let's be as quiet as church mice."

Beth gave him a scornful look of unbelief. "Church mice are not quiet, they are poor." He was strong physically, but she feared for his intellect. How was he so good at saying the wrong proverbs? It always left her amazed.

"Stop being a bookworm and follow me now." He compelled.

Being referred to as a bookworm always made Beth shy and caved in. She always felt at a loss in the presence of people, save for her family, and her books were how she let herself free. Not being pained as much, surprised her, but she chose not to confront it until after they watched the sunrise. Maybe she was no longer affected by it. Or was it the moment? She would never know. She doubted anything could take away the joy bubbling in her at the moment. They snuck out of the manor through the backdoor and walked briskly towards the hill.

The moment they reached the foot of the hill, Eric gave a loud victory cry and Beth followed suit. They shouted and soon burst into laughter. "I can't believe we did that. Mother would be horrified if she ever finds out. And she would."

"She would forgive you, you are eighteen now. A woman now." Beth smile grew wider. "Happy birthday little sister." He hugged her.

She returned the hug. "Thank you." Then he ruffled her hair like he always did. She laughed and tried to slap his hand off.

Still smiling, he prompted. "Come on then, you jolly good fellow. The hill is not going to climb itself." He looked her over. "Why didn't you wear the clothes I gave you? It was for this moment."

"Your old clothes? The ones you said I'm to wear on my birthday?" She inquired sagely, hand on her waist. "Only you would send old possessions as a gift." And then realization struck her. "You wanted me to wear them for when we go hill climbing?" He mirrored her expression. "I had no knowing. I'm sorry." He waved it away and motioned her forward. "Well considering I was in a hurry to get dressed, this is quite an outfit." She posed for him.

He chuckled and shook his head. "Come on." They started out on the hill. It was easier than Beth thought, even though it had rained the night before. Eric held her hand all the way to the top, never letting go, not even when she insisted. At a point, she grabbed unto her skirt and held it high to prevent from tripping. On and on they climbed until they got to the top.

Beth plopped herself on the cold grass the moment they reached the peak. Eric ruffled her hair and set himself down beside her. Breathlessly, she asked. "Don't you think it is high time you stopped that? I'm eighteen now.

He laughed softly and made a facial expression, indicating that her words were absurd. "I would still run my hand through your hair even after they turn grey. You will always be my little sisters. You and Gwen. You can never outgrow me."

She laughed. She never said she didn't enjoy it. Then, "Isn't it ironic how the hill sits at the east side, but the manor is called 'Westside Manor'?"

"The Manor sits at the west side of the hill. "He replied matter-of-factly.

That made complete sense. Then she remembered. "Yesterday, Mother said Father spoke to you on the issue of your marriage. Are you ready to marry?" At twenty-one, he was old enough to be a husband and she knew he would make a fine one, but Beth didn't want him pressured into the institution yet. It would feel like sharing him with another and she wasn't sure she was prepared to lose the little moments they shared, selfish as it sounded.

Eric breathed down heavily. "I told him in a year or two. Gwen must still be hurting from what that bastard Cossington said to Father about her. I don't want to remind her about it so soon. She is finally opening up."

She nodded. "It came as a surprise to the entire family. And I'm sorry she had to hear that. She shouldn't have to go through such pain." Her younger sister was only thirteen. Why was the world unfair? "And how did she come to such conclusion?"

"Do you have to look that far?" He asked. His finger waved over her face in accusation. "You and your books are to blame." He pulled her leg.

Beth crossed her arms defensively and pulled her legs to herself. "I had no knowledge she was interested in my books. She loves sitting at the piano with Mother. Naturally, I thought she preferred piano to books." He ignored her excuse. After a while, she said. "For what it would matter, I am grateful for my birthday gift, for this." She opened her arms wide and gestured at the sky above, which was starting to turn blue, and the hill on which they sat. "It is beautiful."

He laughed. "You are very much welcome." When her eyes narrowed, he asked carefully. "What is with that look of mischief?"

"What look of mischief? It is a look of curiosity." She adjusted herself when she felt the wet grass through her skirt. "What do you intend to give to Gwen on her eighteenth birthday? You gave me mine, what's her wish?"

He inhaled and exhaled deeply. As he shook his head, Beth waited for him to reject her. She began to think of words to say to him to make him tell her, but he surprised her. "She wants to learn how to defend herself. I'll teach her to fight."

She was taken aback, equally by the fact that her brother had told her about Gwen's wish and about how odd the wish was. "And I am called the preposterous one because I insist that one can travel through books." She deadpanned. "Mother would ... she would never allow it."

"Father would. I would make certain of it." He stood up and stretched out a hand to her. Taking it, she rose and began to brush off her behind. He did the same. "It is beyond absurd, I realize that, but I suppose learning how to defend herself would put her mind at peace." He paused. "She came to me the night Cossington insulted our family."

Beth's heart broke. Was her younger sister still troubled by the words of that vile man? At that moment, it struck her. "Marriage is overrated, Eric." He stopped. She did too. "I would never wed."

He spared her a look which soon turned into a full-on stare. "You are uttering nonsense. Marriage is not overrated." He waved a finger at her. "And you will wed."

Beth scoffed. "We would see about that." She murmured, crossing her arms. She had made up her mind and she would make certain of it. If marriage was formed on alliances and what to gain without a care for the parties involved, or how hurt they would be, then it was best not to be involved in it altogether. If a contract had not been drawn, Gwen wouldn't be hurting.

"Yes, we would." He pulled her along as he walked closer to the other side of the hill which was said to be steeper and more dangerous. "Enough of your nonsense, it is your birthday and you will enjoy it." She smiled. "We would watch the sunrise, climb back down, get scolded by Mother," Beth couldn't help but to laugh, "And you would make us a sumptuous breakfast." He turned her to himself, placed his hands on her shoulders and continued. "Then when the day is done, we would all sit at the table – a fine dinner set before us with a nice conversation going. What do you think?"

She smiled again and coyly said. "I love it."

They stood side-by-side and watched, waiting for the sun to rise. Its glow began to fill the faraway sky and Beth's face brightened too.

And then it happened.

The grass on which she stood on slipped her off the hill. In her shock and horror, Beth let out a fearful cry, reaching out blindly as she fell off. Eric grabbed her and tried to pull back but the wet grass wouldn't comply – he slipped too and landed on his knees. He hissed painfully but held unto her. "Eric! Eric!! Don't let go. Please don't let go." Her plea resounded on the hill.

"I won't. I won't." He was slipping too, she could see it; she could feel it. And as though on cue, Eric fell off the edge along with her. Beth screamed, grabbing unto him with her other hand, tightening her grip. Eric grunted but didn't let go, he held her with one hand and with the other, somehow found something to hold onto.

Scared, she called out. "Help! Help!!"

They slipped further. "Stop yelling! You would only make it worse."

Oh, good gracious! The tears gathered, slowly impairing her vision. They were going to die! They would surely die! "I don't want to die, Eric. Don't let us die." She cried out to her brother.

His breathing became heavier with the passing moments. He was in pain, she could tell. "I won't. You are not dying here, I promise." They dropped again and fell further down. He was losing his grip on whatever it was he held unto. Beth screamed again and burst out crying. The tears wouldn't stop. Then she heard him through ragged breathing. "Try to place your feet on a ledge." She made no movement. "Find one; fix your foot, one before the other."

The rising sun began to illuminate the hill, but it no longer gave the trill that was expected, nor the joy that was craved. At the moment, Beth hated nothing more than the light it gave; the promise of life that was no longer sure. The sun mocked her; it was laughing at them. Through her fear, she obeyed him, quickly using whatever ledge she could find as leverage. "I'll find some."

"Good." His breathing got worse. Was he alright? "I'll let go of your hand–"

Let go of her hand? "No, no please don't. I'm scared."

He heaved heavily. "Don't be. I'm here." When she finally agreed, he continued. "I'll let go; you will grab onto the other ledges and climb back up on my back." She whimpered. "No questions asked. Just do it, alright?"

"Okay." She secured her position on the ledges, and Eric let go. Beth felt faint. She had never been scared as such in her entire life and the thought that it was on her birthday scared her even more, but because her brother Eric was with her, she toughened up. Slowly, she began to climb back up, one ledge at a time. Beth held onto him, got on his back; on and on she climbed, and soon reached the peak of the hill. Quickly turning, while still lying on her stomach, she called to him. "Eric! Climb up!"

He looked up and for the first time, she saw his face. No wonder his speech was forceful. He had blood all over his face; the red liquid ran down from the top of his head and Beth's tears gathered again. "I'm fine." He reassured her. "Are you?"

Choking down her tears, she replied. "I will be when you get up here." He smiled at her. How could he be smiling in a situation like this? And he had no right to be worried about her when he was bloodied. One hand after the other, he climbed back up to her. When he lost a footing, Beth's heart stopped. "Eric!" She called in fear. He grunted away the pain, set his foot back and resumed climbing. She helped him when he climbed to her reach. "You are alright. You are alright. You are alright." On and on, the mantra went. "You are alive." She muttered, pulling him in.

And then he rolled over. Beth covered her mouth with her hand to hold back the sobbing. "Oh Eric, please don't do this." He had a big wound on his abdomen and it was bleeding fast. Getting composure of herself, Beth ran for her jacket and quickly covered the wound. She knelt down beside him and pressed down on it. Her effort to reduce blood loss gained her a groan from him. Even though she knew deep down that it was impossible, desperately she asked. "Can you walk? I'll support you; I promise I'll support you." He looked to her and smiled. The message was clear. "Eric please, I'm pleading earnestly. Please." Her lips quivered and her mouth dried up. How could it be?

He placed his hand on hers. "You are not to blame. We both slipped." She began to shake her head. "Beth. Bethany, look at me." Beth mustered up enough courage to do so. His bloodied face stared back at her; the wound on his forehead was yet to stop. "I know how you love to think the world is facing its entire problem because you exist in it," he rasped, "but this–" he groaned. "This is not your doing. I would have done anything to see you safe."

"And you did. And you did." She agreed. But this would not have been if she had not wished to see the sunrise on the hill. Why did she ever fill that the hill was special? As a last resolve, she tried again. "Help! Please help!!" Her voice fell. "Somebody. Anybody. Help us." The tears fell on the back of her hand. There was no one.

Eric smiled and groaned. "Save up your strength little sister for the climb down." A low, guttural sound came from him. "This was not the morning I planned for you." He coughed. "Forgive me."

She gasped and dragged. How could he even think of apologizing? She stopped sobbing and cleared her throat. "What should I do?"

He squeezed her hand weakly, breaking her heart further. "I'm cold."

Beth swallowed and gave her all to keep the tears at bay for he needed her. Her brother needed her. She lay herself down beside him on the cold grass, still holding his hand. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be." They laid there in silence. The sun was still far away but Beth could already feel the warmth it brought. At the least, her brother would be warm. Eric's breathing got heavier by the passing moments and all she could do was listen. After a moment, his voice came in a whisper. "Remind Mother and Father of my love for them." Beth bit down on her lips to not sob, squeezing his hand. She didn't want to interrupt. "Ask Gwen to forgive me for not fulfilling my promise to her. And tell Lucy that I'm sorry. She always wanted a brother." Then he laughed, and groaned immediately. "I suppose I'm breaking a lot of promises today." When he lifted his hand slowly to ruffle her hair, Beth exploded. She couldn't restrain herself anymore. "And tell Beth not to blame herself and to always remember that I love her."

She buried her face in his arm and cried. She cried until she couldn't anymore, and he let her. She cried for her loss, for his loss. She cried for her parents and for all the unfulfilled promises. She cried because she would not be able to watch him become a loving husband and a good Father. But most of all, she cried for the future that was being lost.

"I love you so much Eric. I will never stop loving you." She promised painfully.

"I love you too." His voice was hoarse, barely audible. "The sunrise is beautiful, isn't it?" As she turned her face to see it, his hand fell from hers.

She became still.

Beth didn't let go. She couldn't let go of his hand; couldn't let go of him. For as long as she could, she held unto him, unto his warm hand, a hand that was so full of life hours ago, one that had ruffled her already disheveled hair, one he had promised would always trouble her hair even when they become old and frail. "Ah! Ah!!" She yelled in pain. She clenched his limped hand even more, willing life back to him. Her tears came then in torrent, her crushed heart unable to comprehend all that was happening.

How could it be? How could he be taken away from her, right before her very eyes? How was she to live without him? Life would never be the same; her family would never be the same for he was everything and more to her; to them.

When her tears finally ceased, she begrudgingly let go of his hand and looked down on hers, it was smeared with blood; her brother's blood. She couldn't cry anymore.

Beth started down the hill, walking haphazardly like a lost soul; dragging her feet, her eyes unfocused. It was time to tell the family, it was time to tell everyone who cared to listen. It was time to make it known.

Her brother was dead.

September 1826

Beth quickened her pace as the footfalls behind closed in on her, running up the rough road with strength she had no idea she possessed, her heart in her mouth. At six 'o'clock in the morning, Beth suddenly realized, much to her chagrin, that Carlisle might not be the safest of places.

Her hands frantically searched through her bag for something, anything that would serve as a defensive means to protect herself but flowers wouldn't even scare the nicest of people, how would it scare anyone else? She could call someone for help, but whom? And if she should try to, her assailant – she supposed the person behind her was one – would catch up with her before she could call for help again. No, she shouldn't, the knowledge they lacked regarding her exact position was probably the only advantage she had over them. If she tried to call for anyone, her voice would give it away and that was not what she wanted. Perhaps she should seek refuge in one of the caravans? But no one was awake yet, even if they were, she doubted the gipsies would look kindly upon her intrusion. It was over; she was going to die on her very own birthday. Why would life choose to be unkind to her once again? She thought melancholically. Maybe it was someone taking a morning walk. Or like her, out to fulfil an errand. She was probably overthinking. They could be harmless.

She heard a click, another click was sufficient for Beth's heart to fall through her chest to the pit of her stomach; the excuses she had made up disappeared, turning to evaporating mist. Dear Lord, please save me! She prayed as her feet unknowingly quickened their steps. She tripped but righted herself immediately; this was no time to fall. Why, oh why did I decide to leave this early?! She lamented inwardly. She could have waited till first light and rented Clover, her cousin's mare like Gwen had advised.

She heard a thump and a male's grunt of pain that scared her to the depth of her being. Oh good gracious, it was a man! Throwing all caution to the wind, she picked up her skirt and ran with everything in her, muttering fearfully, "Oh God! Dear God!! Please save me." Was she running in the right direction? She had no idea, but it was away from that man and that was enough. She heard the footfalls again, this time they were so close and swift, drawing even closer with each passing second. Wait! Was he chasing after her? Dear Lord, what is this? Why was he chasing after her? She wasn't ready to die nor was she ready to be kidnapped or worse... No, she wouldn't think of what wouldn't be as she would do everything to prevent it. Not that she could have, but trying to run even faster, she stepped on the skirt she had let go and tripped.

Her breath was knocked out of her, her soul left too. It was over. He would catch up with her now. She was never going to see her family and the thought scared her more than her death. How would they live without her? Would they survive still after another tragedy? Casting all evil thought from her mind, she scrambled to her feet; tripping again and scraping her right knee on a rock which elicited a hiss from her lips, but the pain wouldn't keep her. Wanting to waste no more time, she tried getting up to run when a hand dropped firmly on her shoulder. She gasped and did the first thing that came to mind.

Scream.

"Lady! Lady!! Quiet down." She rose to her feet and stepped away from him. "It is not bright yet for such screams or are you so proud of your vocals that you would prefer the whole world to hear you?" He sounded angry. His voice, deep and bold, rang in the almost darkness. "Go join the theatre or the circus if that is your wish. No one wants this open show you are so graciously offering." He put his hand towards his face and Beth saw the faint glow of a cigar.

Why was he angry? Did she ruin his plans? What were his plans? "Wh-wh-who are you? What d-do you want?!" Her heart quickened, thumping even more. She gripped her bag defensively. Flowers were no weapon but in times when one was desperate, anything would serve; besides he didn't know she held only flowers. If he tried anything like the unthinkable, his burial would be announced shortly. The sky was blue already but not enough light to make out his face. He was too close for comfort, so she put some space between them. "I asked what it is you wanted." Her teeth were chattering.

He stood to his full height and put his free hand in his pocket. "I wanted to make sure you were alright. That was quite a fall." He dragged from his cigar and expelled, the odor was pungent and rich. "Although with that voice demonstration, I believe you are just fine." What was he talking about? A gentle breeze blew and the grass responded to its song.

"Why were you following me?" Her voice was low and raspy; her breath, rapid. "Look, I might be a woman, but I'm not scared of you." She hoped he believed her and wasn't paying attention to her shaking voice. Or her chattering teeth. Or her heavy breathing. If it came to, she wasn't going down without a fight. "I'll hurt you if I have to."

No response. He simply stood before her.

After what felt like an eternity, he said. "I believe you as much as you believe yourself." His deep voice, slow and lazy, mocked her. The silhouette before her brought his hand out of his pocket and raised it to her face. Before she could guess its purpose, a flicker illuminated her face and momentarily blinded her. "I must apologize for doing this, but curiosity got the larger part of me." He said. "How is it, I beg to know, a small and, well, pretty Lady could harm me?" He took the light down.

He called her pretty. Oh God! And was that Brandy she smelt beside the cigar? No, she wouldn't panic. "When there is a will, there is a way." She bravely returned. She stepped closer to the bush behind her. If this man tried to get close, she'd run, because there was no way she could fight him, let alone defeat him, brave words aside.

She saw him nod, repeatedly. "So they say, until there is no more will and all ways are closed." Her heartbeat increased. At this rate, she might just about die of anxiety. She searched the area with her eyes, even if she knew there was no way she would find anything in the near darkness. "So they say." He repeated and stepped closer.