Love not Lost

We entered the building, our hands held apart. The journey here had been long and silent, filled with frustration and exasperation. He had suggested this place, but I saw no reason for me to be here. It felt like a complete waste of time, and my anger simmered beneath the surface.

As we stepped inside, we were greeted by a cheeky front desk person. Her smile was warm, but given my current state of mind, I had no intention of being diplomatic. The counter displayed the company logo, along with a phone, pamphlet, and computer. She wore vibrant makeup, with red lip gloss and yellow smoky eye shadow, though bright colors were not to my liking lately.

Her wide smile, accentuated by a gap between her teeth, sparked my curiosity. I wondered what made her so cheerful. She smiled even more when Michael inquired about our appointment, checking her computer to confirm the details. In my presence, she dared not flirt with him. I glared at her, leaning on the counter. But my thoughts were interrupted when she directed us to the office.

"The doctor's office is on the left side," she pointed out.

"Okay, thank you," Michael replied, his voice unusually calm.

Michael opened the door, and I followed him inside. The office was painted in shades of gray and white. I stood in the doorway, taking in the surroundings. There was a bookshelf behind the door and a window blind. My eyes were drawn to a frame, displaying the words, "Today is going to be a good day."

We were greeted by a blond-haired woman in her early thirties. She stood beside a desk, engrossed in some files. She was around 5'6" tall, dressed in a loose top, fitted trousers, and covered shoes. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail. Thankfully, she wasn't of the opposite gender; maybe she would understand me without me having to explain.

She appeared attractive and sophisticated, curious if her transparent glasses were prescribed or bought simply just to look astute I couldn't fathom why Michael had chosen her to be our therapist. There was something about her, something I couldn't quite put my finger on. It wasn't that I fancied her.

She turned towards us and greeted us with a smile, gesturing for us to sit on a sofa. She took a seat on a pink armchair opposite us. Behind her, there was a printer, a plant, and a picture frame on a table by the window.

"Hi, my name is Angela. Can you please introduce yourselves to me?" she said, smiling briefly.

"My name is Michael Macaulay, and this is my wife, Bridget," Michael replied, while I simply looked around the room.

"How long have you guys been married?" Angela inquired.

"We've been married for over 5 years now," I answered, crossing my legs.

"So, what's the issue? Why are you guys here?"

I took a deep breath before answering the question that was thrown at me.

"There are numerous issues. I feel like Michael has changed a lot lately, and it's driving me crazy. He shares everything with others, even when I've advised him not to. For example, when we bought a property, we agreed not to tell anyone about it. But he went ahead and told his friend, which ultimately led to complications and prevented us from acquiring the property. We've had two failed IVF attempts, and I explicitly told him not to share that with anyone. But he wouldn't listen. I would later find out that he had told his sister or his careless brothers. I just feel like he jinxes us by bringing new things into our lives because he can't keep his mouth shut. Call me superstitious, but that's how I feel."

"Furthermore, he would have issues with our neighbors, and I would be furious when he came to tell me about what they did. He wouldn't talk to them anymore. But a few days later, I would see him talking to the same people he had caused issues with. I don't know who to turn to anymore."

"The last straw for me..." I paused, attempting to stop the tears from welling up. I refused to cry over spilled milk.

"The last straw was when I caught him cheating on me," I continued, my voice trembling. I sniffed, unable to hold back the tears any longer. Angela handed me a tissue.

"I caught him masturbating in the bathroom. How could he do that to me? I love seeing his expression when he's about to climax, but he had that experience without me. What should I do? Am I not good enough for him?"

As I finished speaking, I scanned the room, searching for the therapist's and my husband's reactions. Michael's face remained blank, devoid of any expression. His hands rested on his lap while Angela held a customized pen and a book, her hands slightly shaking. I had been so engrossed in my complaints that I had forgotten there were other people in the room with me.

I felt as though the therapist might think I was being paranoid. Perhaps she had already written me off as someone who couldn't make her man happy. I feared I would end up like those who came before me, unable to sustain a lasting relationship.

"Are you done talking, Mrs. Macaulay?" Angela asked, her voice calm and composed.

"Yes, I am," I replied, my voice shaky.

"Did you discuss any of these issues with him at any point?" Angela inquired, her gaze focused on Michael.

"Yes, I did," I responded, folding my hands tightly beneath my bosom.

"Mr. Michael, what do you have to say about what your wife has complained about?" Angela turned her attention to my husband, waiting for his response.

I do not know were has gone wrong with Bridgett not all of her allegations am guilty of.

We were high school sweethearts. Bridgett was one of the finest girls in school she was dating an older senior boy in school before me, Steven. He graduated from the school before us and moved out of the town which made Bridgett and him separated.

A nerd like me mostly doesn't say hi to anyone, not until one day Bridgett forgot her book in the library. I was sitting just behind her and have seen her read the book in class so I knew she was the owner. The next day when I saw her and gave it to her on her way to the class she thanked me and smiled at me while we walked together into the class chatting. On other days we meet during lunch break while some days we work together at home but most days we meet in the library. We've grown fond of each other that when I asked her to be my girlfriend she gladly said yes, as if she was waiting for me to ask her out. We started dating when we were in our final year.

We had our first sex together when we were in college she had come to visit me in school. I got admission into Baylor University while she got accepted into Texas Tech University.

We didn't allow distance to cut our relationship short like her previous one. I go visit sometime when she comes to visit also. But on the day that she came none of my roommates were around, I shared the dorm with two people whose lifestyle was way different from mine. I'd served her some snacks and juice while we talked about our day-to-day activities in school, on my bed, we sat opposite each other. Until there was nothing to talk about again and we started staring at each other, I got close to her and kissed her it was my first time but not hers, she looked at me with bewilderment in her eyes. If it was before I would have shied away from kissing her but on that day I just want to take off her mini-skirt and crop top.

She was in a daze with her eyes wide open, then I kissed her again, and now she kissed me back. I deepened the kiss while she moaned amidst it, I laid her back on the bed our lips never left each other, and my hands were traveling from one part of her body to another.

When I stood up to remove my shirt she held me back thinking I wanted to stop but nah I was just getting started. We helped each other undress and I watched her beautiful body I used my tongue to tease her navel, breasts, and thighs, and she moaned softly I took my lips back to hers and then penetrated her. It was a beautiful experience for both of us.

Although, She wouldn't allow me to touch her now. We usually have great lovemaking but now Her mind isn't made up for it. She would push me aside anytime I tried to come closer.

We share a great bond that has not been shaken until now. I love and respect her which she knows. She is the love of my life, my support system, and my advisor, before I make any major decision she is the first to know and she will give me her take on it.

Recently a lot has changed she has been moody she would prepare our meal and we would eat in silence,

her glowing face has become dry lately and her beautiful set of teeth would not greet me anymore when I come back from work. We used to have a gist about our daily activities with a lot of laughter.

I missed how she whispered sweet words into my ear with her tongue doing the rest of the wording, I miss when we made love and she said my name while moaning

I never want to experience it with another woman.

A lot of ups and downs have happened within a couple of months and home isn't home anymore.

I had persuaded and pleaded with her to allow us to come for a couple of therapists, which she had sluggishly accepted. The way she was behaving lately I don't just want her to come to use the D word for me, we have to make this marriage work anything that is bothering her I have to know today

Have tried doing everything to pacifier her but she wouldn't budge. Have bought her an expensive gift, took her to our favorite restaurant, and ordered her favorite meal but there was no delight in her.

Every other day she would not even say a word to me unless I say good morning to her and she would reply with a grumbly "Morning sweetie" until when I was in the bathroom when I was trying to please myself by ejaculating on my own, I was about too cum when I heard my name

"Micheal what are you doing"

I turned to look at her in shock there was disdain in her eyes and she walked away. I had to finish what I was doing, I had started it anyway. I had no idea how long she was behind me I thought she was asleep.

I went into the room to apologize for what she saw, she was already asleep I know she must have feigned it. Anytime I tried to raise the matter she wouldn't allow me to talk about it.

I peeked at the therapist when she asked the question. "But it wasn't my fault, we haven't had sex for more than six months, I couldn't help it, although I didn't mean for her to see me in the act and have tried to apologize for what happened but she wouldn't listen to me. Disagreement happening with the neighbors is not what I like but it just happens that's why I try to settle with them as soon as possible, I didn't mean to make you look bad

and I mean no harm by telling my sister or my friend about our situation but Nicholas is our friend we both have him as a friend.

The therapist turned from me to Bridget and asked

"Why is it that you and your husband have not been having sex lately"

"My body and my soul are not just aligning with it, just want to be alone without any physical and emotional attachment. Can't a woman say no when she doesn't want something" she said with a grimace on her face

"But why don't you want an attachment with your husband? Is it that you don't love him anymore" the therapist asked;

"No, I love him still" I swallowed hard and darted to look at Michael, to find the color blanched from his face, his eyes and hair standing out in sharp contrast to his paleness. Did he think I was going to agree that I do not love him?

"How can I not love him no more? He is my first love and my forever soul mate everything about him has been wonderful for the past five years. I do not imagine myself in the arms of another, nobody can ever treat me better than he does.

"So what is the genesis of all the problems Mrs Macaulay"? She said leaning back on her pink velvet seat

" I think it all started when Michael went on a business trip for four months. We talked every day but it was very quick and brief because he said he was busy a lot because I work from home I was very lonely. Our only friend does not stay in the same city with us, so there was practically no one to talk to"

"I had to think about my life most of the time and wallow in self-pity has never been pregnant and have had two failed IVFs which cost us almost all of our savings" I continued

"I had imagined the kind of fun he was having were he his or maybe he was with another woman maybe am not good enough anymore"

"All this while that have been moody have just been waiting for a baby mama to walk through the door to claim what mine because of my inability to give him a child"

I paused watching him lower his head in his palms and waited until he finally lifted his head. As if I was waiting for him to say something but he didn't utter a word

"But have checked his phone, no hidden calls and he still comes back as early as before"

"I still try to get mad at him for not even being mad that we don't have a child yet. Most time I feel like he is too good to be true"

"Honestly he is still as loving and caring as before, nothing has even changed about him. Sometimes I feel like am not good enough"

A few tears ran down my cheek and

Micheal passed me the wipe that was beside him while he squeezed my hands gently and drew me closer for a tight hug. I buried my head into his chest, soaking in the smell of his body, and then I realized he was wearing the t-shirt that I bought for him. Have missed him greatly, it is super exhausting to live in my head.

"Everything is gonna be alright my love, you are everything have ever wanted," he said softly, rubbing my head "I can never place anything or anyone above you, you are my life please don't cry"

"Okay" I muttered gazing intently into his eyes, his color was returning, and doesn't look like he was possibly going to burst into tears soon.

The therapist allowed us to have a few minutes together, beaming

"Mrs. Macaulay it is very clear that you were depressed when your husband was not around due to not having people around you and you've wallowed in self-pity and were having negative thoughts"

"This kind of thing could destroy your marriage, whenever you have things disturbing it is better to talk to your partner about it"

"Communication is very important in all relationships to work, once you pile up things in your mind it leads to destruction," she said stressing her last word

"And Mr Macaulay you should do more listening to your wife, when she doesn't want anything to get out to another person's ear do not allow it to get out. The third party is not healthy in a marriage, they could mar or make our marriage, but it has a high tendency to harm. Do not give people the opportunity to rule your marriage, be the man and be in charge"

We both listen to her in each other's arms. Michael nods his head mostly.

"you two are an incredible couple but you just have to be more open and listen to one another every single time"

"Lastly the issue of fertility. I know it is worrisome and quite depressing not to be able to get something that you yearn for. There are a variety of factors that can cause infertility, including age, hormone imbalances, and certain medical conditions. Sometimes, there may be no clear cause for it, which can make it even more frustrating. It's important to remember that there are many ways to build a family, even if you can't conceive a child naturally. Adoption foster care and even adoption. You should talk to a professional" She licked her bottom lips, put down her spectacle on her lap

"What will be will be, "she continued" there is reason for every frailty. Your heart desires will unexpectedly come to you"

she said with a broad smile on her face "Just believe" She put down the pen and book on the mini velvet stool beside her

"Thank you, doctor," I said raising my head from Michael's shoulder. "Can I hug you you?"

"yes my dear" she answered softly, standing up from her seat with open arms. I hastily left Micheal's side to her, I need all the love that I can get.

"It alright sweetheart," she said holding my hands

"Thank you" We both went back to our seats. Michael had a smile on his face he was brighter now than earlier. It gladdens my heart to see a smile on his face. He held my hand as his life depended on it.

"With just a few sessions you guys will be back on track, that's one thing that I know for sure"

I'd felt a lot better with just a few minutes of opening up and when he held me in his arms I knew everything was going to be alright. Isolating myself from him, was physically and emotionally exhausting.