Love Makes Me Wanna Be a Killer

"You're beautiful," James said, gently caressing Bella's lips.

Zia's face instantly paled as she watched her husband kiss and praise another woman's beauty. She took a few steps back from the slightly open door of James's office. Zia's world seemed to collapse when she found out her husband was having an affair with the person closest to her.

James's nurse was none other than Zia's best friend, Bella.

Ten minutes earlier, Bella had called Zia to inform her that James was having a seizure and asked her to bring the medication to James's office immediately.

Upon hearing the bad news about her husband's condition, Zia braved the heavy snowstorm without wearing any warm clothes, unwilling to make her husband suffer any longer while waiting for her to bring him medicine.

It never crossed Zia's mind that she would see her husband being affectionate with his nurse.

"James, how long will you keep up this charade of pretending you have a heart condition and lost your memory?" Bella asked.

"Until Zoe feels what Audrey felt," James replied firmly.

"What do you mean?"

"I want to make Zia suffer so much that she wants to end her life."

Like being struck by lightning, Zia's body trembled violently as she listened to James and Bella's conversation and felt the bitter cold. However, her heart felt like it was on fire.

The pain Zia felt was so intense that she couldn't describe it, realizing that James had never loved her, not even a little bit. Everything Zia believed was a lie.

James had been cheating on her, lying about his physical condition, and marrying her not out of love but to get revenge for the death of Audrey, his ex-girlfriend.

"Yes, I hope you keep your word before you finally give in and fall in love with Zia." Bella supports James.

Not wanting to hear more of James and Bella's conversation, Zia slowly walked away from Noah's office. Her steps were unsteady, almost losing her balance as she faced the bitter reality she had just discovered.

She stopped at the exit door. Reflecting on her life with James, Zia realized it had been far from good. James was always angry and punished her for every mistake, no matter how small or unintentional.

Even so, Zia tried to improve herself and understand James' anger. Zia thought that James was still hurting over Audrey's death and was unconsciously taking his pain out on her.

It never crossed her mind that James was doing all this intentionally.

"Do you want your husband to die?!"

Zia was startled when someone snatched the medicine box from her hands while shouting. It was Bella, glaring at Zia. Instead of responding, Zia just swallowed hard and stared back at Bella with a blank mind.

"ZIA!" Bella screamed.

"Y-yes." Finally, Zoe snapped out of her reverie.

"Your husband is dying, and you're daydreaming here. Where is your common sense?!" Bella exclaimed angrily and walked ahead of Zia.

Bella had always been like that, and Zia had never once felt offended by Bella's harsh words, no matter how harsh they were. But this was the first time Bella's words had hurt her.

When she entered Noah's office, Zia was shocked to see James sitting there, weak and pale, as if he were in pain. Just a few moments ago, Zia was sure James was healthy.

His acting was genuinely excellent!

"Get some water, Zia," Bella ordered, sitting beside Noah.

And foolishly, Zia obeyed Bella's command even though she knew the two people in front of her were pretending.

"Here's your medicine, Jammes," Bella said, feeding the medicine to James.

Bella gently rubbed James's back, which gradually began to look better. Meanwhile, Zia remained standing in place with a stiff body. The two of them could act so perfectly that it was no wonder she hadn't noticed it all this time.

"Oh, by the way, Zia. I have to stay at your place tonight. James needs to be monitored."

Alexander's house was always open to Bella. It wasn't because Zia couldn't take care of James. James himself had decided to make Bella his nurse, arguing that nurses knew better how to care for the sick than Zia.

At first, Zia didn't mind. After all, Bella was her best friend, whom she considered like a sister.

"Zia, are you deaf?!" Bella snapped, pushing Zia roughly so that she fell to the floor, shattering her reverie.

Zia looked at James, hoping for a word or two from him to reprimand Bella for her rude behavior. But James stared at her coldly, as if he didn't care.

"Bella, James is fine and won't get sick again. I'll take care of him myself."

Suddenly, James and Bella's faces changed in silence. Zia had never refused Bella's arrival like that before. Even when she knew Bella was staying over, Zia was always enthusiastic and immediately went shopping to cook a delicious meal to welcome her best friend.

Yes, for Zia, Bella was family.

Not knowing how to do it or how painful it would be to end things with Bella, continuing their friendship was like Zia handing over his life to Bella.

"It won't get sick again? You mean my illness is just a game, Zia?" James got up from his chair with an angry look on his face.

"You like to joke, James. Maybe you once joked that you were in pain, and it led you to that condition. I think so."

Zia stood up and laughed softly so James and Bella wouldn't notice her sarcasm.

Of course, this made James even angrier. Within moments, Zia realized that she had made a mistake by starting the commotion when she saw James' eyes darken and his fists clench as he walked toward her.

With a frightened look on her face, Zia stepped away from James. Her throat tightened. Her body seemed unprepared for James' punishment.

"So you think I'm just pretending to be sick?" James' voice sounded heavy and threatening.

"N - No. I mean... I want to care for you myself until you get better."

After finding out that all of James's abuse was planned, Zia couldn't control her fear of her husband. She felt that God had made her live with the angel of death.

"But you talk as if I'm lying about my illness, Zia."

"James, you don't have to feel that way if you weren't lying."

Suddenly, James dragged Zia out of the office building. James' patience had run out because Zia had started speaking to him boldly, defying him. James didn't care how people stared at him with curiosity.

He continued taking Zia to the back of the office, where a large pool was, and without hesitation, James pushed Zia into the pool.

"Help... please!" Zia screamed as loud as she could, hoping for help from anyone.

The pool was deep enough for Zia, who couldn't swim. She struggled with all her strength to stay afloat, but the water was so cold it felt like it was freezing her bones. Her body began to stiffen, and her legs started to cramp.

"This is a fitting punishment for what you did, Zia!"

Zia could still hear James. Even though it was only a glimpse, she could also see Bella smiling cynically at her.

Only for a moment, before her body finally began to sink to the bottom of the pool.

Zia opened her eyes and found herself in her room. She had completely forgotten what happened after she drowned because at that moment, she had accepted that death had come for her.

The clock on the wall showed exactly eleven o'clock, and the sky visible from Zia's window was dark. That meant Zia had been unconscious for quite a long time without knowing who had helped her and brought her home.

Feeling extremely thirsty, Zia got up despite the pain in her body. She walked slowly and unsteadily, barefoot, toward the kitchen.

However, when she was about to return to her room with a tray of drinks and warm soup, Zia found James's door, which had been closed when she went to the kitchen, now open.

As Bella suggested, Zia and James's rooms had been separated. Bella said James needed to sleep alone to get good quality rest and aid his recovery. Of course, Zia didn't mind if it was good for James.

"I can't sleep without you."

Zia's steps stopped instantly when she heard a woman's voice coming from James' room. At first, she didn't want to pay attention to the open door.

Out of curiosity, fearing she might be hallucinating, Zia approached and stood right at the threshold of James's dark room. Her gaze immediately fell on where James, bare-chested, was hugging Bella.

Zia did not react for a moment, as if her mind was processing what she saw.

"Bella, go back to your room," James said, releasing his embrace.

"I don't want to. I want to be with you."

The tray in Zia's hands fell, causing a commotion as the sound of broken glasses and bowls was scattered across the floor. This made Bella and James immediately turn their heads toward where Zia stood, frozen, her eyes welling up with tears.

"J-James, you and Bella..."

"No!" James denied it without waiting for Zia to finish her sentence.

Zia was in shock after realising that what she had witnessed was her husband and her best friend having an affair.

Bella jumped off the bed and buttoned up her open nurse's uniform with a panicked expression. This only made Zia more certain that something had happened between James and Bella. It was far more than just a kiss or a hug.

"Z - Zia, Bella is here to check on me." James stood up to defend himself.

With her body trembling and throat tight, Zia stepped inside without seeing James. She didn't react at all when her feet stepped on broken glass. Now her mind was filled with thoughts of James and Bella.

Unfortunately, Zia couldn't hold back her tears when she faced James and saw the kiss marks on several parts of his body. Her eyes widened, and she stepped back, stepping on the broken glass again.

"Zia..."

"Don't touch me!" Zia shouted, pushing James' hand away from her shoulder. "Why Bella?" Zia asked.

As if she didn't need any explanation of what James had done with Bella, Zia only wanted to know why James had chosen Bella to be his mistress.

"You could have cheated on me with any woman, James. But why Bella? She's my best friend!" Zia's patience snapped. She screamed amidst her sobs while punching James' chest. Even though Zia vented all her anger at James, James didn't respond. His expression was flat and unreadable, and what made Zia feel so humiliated was when James looked at Bella as if he cared more about Bella's condition.

It was clear that Zia was the one who was hurt.

"I was just checking on James, Bella. I didn't mean anything else."

"SHUT UP!" Zia snapped at Bella, who was trying to cover up James' lie.

Her hand pointed at Zia's face, her eyes blazing with anger. She walked closer, ready to attack Bella. And of course, James wouldn't let that happen. James stood before Bella, using himself as a shield to protect her.

"Stop this drama, Zia. You're acting like a madwoman!" Feeling threatened, James shouted back.

"How can I stay sane after seeing the kiss marks on your bodies?!"

"ZIA!" James shouted right in front of Zia's face.

The veins on James' face were visible, indicating that he was also holding back his anger. Still sobbing, Zia finally fell silent. She lowered her head, not daring to look at James, who was angry. She hated admitting she was weak and could never fight against James.

"Your mind is so dirty." James's voice softened.

Hearing James blame her way of thinking, Zia burst into laughter. She found it funny that someone who felt no guilt would go to such lengths to tell the world they were the victim when they were the perpetrator.

Still laughing and unable to stop the tears from falling, Zia walked around every corner of James's room as if she had lost her mind. Her feet stepped on glass shards multiple times, but Zia didn't react to them at all.

Zia, numb with emotion, made Bella shudder every time she saw Zia step on the glass shards. Blood formed a trail where Zia's feet had walked, scattered across the floor.

"James," Zia called out, standing in front of James, staring into his eyes sharply with a wide smile on her lips.

"So you like nurses dressed as prostitutes," she continued, followed by the sound of a slap landing on Zia's cheek.

"How dare you, Zia!"

Zia froze momentarily as the silence around her made her ears ring loudly, as if the world had stopped spinning. She began to feel her chest tighten, her legs ache, and her cheek burn.

The nerves that had gone numb came back to life, making Zia feel even more miserable.

"Get on your knees and apologize to Bella, Zia!"

Zia continued to curse James in her heart. She didn't know when the world had decided that victims had to apologize to the guilty. Unlike James and Bella, Zia realized she was losing her sanity but felt ashamed.

Despite being angry, hurt, and disappointed, Zia was also tired. She didn't want the argument with James and Bella to continue; she just wanted to distance herself from their lives.

"I'm sorry for speaking badly about you," Zia admitted, kneeling before Bella as James had demanded.

It wasn't because Zia admitted defeat. She was just tired and in too much pain, so she had to end it all by doing what James wanted.

Without waiting for Bella's response, Zia left James's room. Her vision was blurry, and she was breathing heavily. Zia's suffering had reached its limit. Zia wasn't sure she could bear it alone if anything were more painful.

She sat on the floor of her room, grabbed a pillow, and covered her face. Then she screamed as loud as she could, releasing all the pain she couldn't bear any other way. That was all Zia could do.

After stopping, Zia grabbed her phone and called Edward, her older brother, who had lived abroad for years.

"What's wrong, Zia?" Edward asked.

"Tell me how to kill myself without feeling any pain, Edward."

The next day, Zia found James and Bella going out together, dressed warmly and neatly. They acted normally, as if the previous night's events had only happened in Zia's dream-dream, which left so many wounds in real life.

There was nothing else Zia wanted. Except to leave James's life as soon as possible.

Zia knew it was impossible. James would never let her go until his desire was fulfilled. But she truly wanted to forget everything related to James. Even though she loved him, she wanted to forget it, no matter how painful it would be.

"Mrs. Zia, what are you carrying?" asked a housekeeper as she approached Zia, carrying a large cardboard box out of her room.

"Oh, just some unimportant things," Zia lied.

All the things she intended to throw away were very important to her. All her memories with James were there. But for Zia, simply removing James from her life wouldn't be enough if something still tied her to him.

"Mr. James asked me to take care of your leg wound, ma'am."

Zia sighed softly, unable to believe that James truly cared about her.

"I can do it myself," Zia refused.

"But..."

"Please just throw these things away. You can burn or throw them away if I don't see them anymore."

The housekeeper nodded understanding and immediately took the box from Zia's hands. For a moment, she peeked inside to see what Zia wanted to throw away. She was surprised.

The items that were off-limits to everyone were inside the box. Everyone in the house knew that Zia would never allow anyone else to touch the gifts from James. Yet now, Zia wanted to throw them away.

"Are you sure you want to throw all this away, ma'am?" the housekeeper asked again.

"Yes. Get rid of everything," Zia replied, stepping into her room.

Zia sat staring out the window where snow continued to fall, covering the ground. Everyone was preparing for the New Year's Eve party, but Zia never did that after marrying James.

It wasn't because she didn't like it. She was trying to understand James' pain at losing Audrey on New Year's Eve. Zia remembers when Audrey's body was found in a pile of snow with blood frozen around her. There were cuts on her wrists.

"It wasn't me..." Zia muttered without realizing it.

Zia admitted that she was involved in James and Audrey's argument. Zia ruined their date, but she never pretended to be sick to get more attention from James, which made James not pursue Audrey to resolve their issues.

Audrey was robbed, and while fighting back, she was raped. That's what led Audrey to choose to take her own life ultimately. The CCTV footage provided by the police clearly shows this.

However, James still blames Zia for Audrey's death.

Beep... beep... beep...

Zia's body jerked when her cell phone rang. She immediately answered the call from James.

"Hello?" said Zia.

"Zia, it's me."

Reflexively, Zia's hand clenched the paper before her when she heard Bella's voice. Bella seemed to be showing how close she was to James, freely using his phone to contact him.

"What's going on?" Zia asked coldly.

"James wants to take you out on a date. Come to Starfish Restaurant now."

Zia did not respond. She felt a little happy hearing that James wanted to take her on a date, but she didn't believe it because Bella said it. She thought Bella might be trying to prank her in revenge for what Zia said last night.

"I'm busy," Zia said softly.

There was no denying that Zia wanted to go on a date with James.

"Are you busy or don't you believe me?" Bella seemed to be able to read Zia's mind.

"If that's true, why didn't James say it himself?"

"I'm asking you out on a date. Please come." James's voice sounded a little softer this time than the last time he spoke to her.

Zia didn't understand the point of the date. Even though she felt happy, Zia never intended to cancel her plans to leave James's life. No matter how James tried to persuade her later, Zia didn't want to accept James back into her life.

If James did it before everything was revealed, Zia would have easily succumbed to the date and a little gift.

"You hear that, Zia? James said it himself. He's prepared everything for you." Bella spoke again.

"I don't know where that restaurant is."

"No. 010 St. White Rose."

The phone call ended. Zia took a deep breath, staring at her phone screen for a moment before finally getting up and putting on layers of warm clothes.

Yes, she decided to go to James's date invitation. Not to take James back. Zia would consider it their farewell date together. Her decision to go was final. The pain was too deep to continue a relationship filled with lies.

"Mrs. Zia, I think the weather is very bad. Please stay at home." For some reason, the security guard guarding the house felt uneasy seeing Zia dressed warmly to go out.

Zia laughed softly in response. "Everyone will be celebrating Christmas Eve, sir. You should also have fun instead of worrying about me."

It was true that Zia's heart was hurting. But she didn't want to bring that energy to people who were supposed to enjoy their New Year's Eve celebration. She was trying to look fine.

"But your foot is injured, ma'am."

"I'll take a taxi and minimize walking."

"Alright. Please be careful."

Giving a thumbs up, Zia went out and immediately stopped a taxi that happened to be passing by. When she got in, she felt a little uneasy seeing the taxi driver's appearance. He was wearing a mask and a hat that covered his face.

"Please take me to No. 010 St. White Rose, Starfish Restaurant, sir," said Zia.

The driver didn't respond, not even with a nod. He stepped on the gas pedal and drove off without saying a word during the trip.

Unfortunately, Zia was lost the whole way, not wanting to think about his uneasy feelings toward the taxi driver. He realized when the car stopped at a large empty lot with a building not far from where they had stopped.

"Sir, are we lost?" asked Zia.

"No. You've arrived at your destination. Please get out." The driver replied without looking at Zia.

Zia, who had no idea where they were, could only hand the driver some money and get out of the taxi with a confused expression.

"Sorry, where is the restaurant?"

The driver pointed to the only building visible in the area. Zia thanked him and walked toward the building, which didn't look like a restaurant. From the outside, it appeared dirty, old, and neglected.

"Are Bella and James playing a prank on me?" Zia muttered to herself, looking around for signs of anyone else there.

"No one is pranking you, Pretty. Since you came in on your own, that means you have to make us happy."

Zia turned around and stepped back in shock when she saw a group of men appear and stare at her with lust. Zia recognized one of them.

The taxi driver who had brought her there!

Before Zia could say anything, two large men immediately grabbed her and pinned her arms behind her back. Zia screamed when the other man began to grope her body.

"N - NO!" she cried, starting to cry.

"Shut up or I'll kill you!" someone said, holding a knife to Zia's throat.