Limerence

People only learn to hold on to things when it's no longer within reach. They crave touches when the skin can no longer feel, and they lust for life when they're about to lose it. It's the same for Dong Joon and Eun Ae, who were about to face the consequences of sealed lips and unspoken, ardent desire.

Dong Joon tightened his grip on her pale hand. Her cracked lips formed an archaic smile.

"Dong Joon... will you smile at me?" she said.

Her wet nose amplified as she breathed. He raised his head and revealed his teary eyes.

"How can I smile at this moment?"

He brushed his cheeks on the back of her hand.

"I'd rather see you smile for the last time than look at those gloomy eyes," she said with a crackling voice.

"Even if I smile, you know it's fake."

She closed her eyes as tears flowed down her cheeks.

"Dong Joon, listen. I want to be brave this time."

Lights flashed to his chin-length, wavy, black hair as he gazed at her.

"I... I love you," she whispered.

He wept, nose getting bigger as he sniffed.

"Shh."

He caressed her long hair.

"You don't have to say that. I will do the talking for you."

He wiped his tears away and smiled.

"I could've told you earlier. I could've shown you how much I love you more than a friend. I am filled with regrets and it might drown me, better take me with you."

"I'm sorry I was too late," she said.

"Eun Ae..."

He leaned closer to her and kissed her forehead.

"Dong Joon, promise me you won't blame yourself after this. You have done enough for me. You never told me, but you've shown me genuine love..."

He wailed, chest pounding as he breathed.

"You made my life on Earth beautiful... like you are," she said.

"No... please."

His moans resonated all over the room like sirens.

He only spilled a few of his unspoken words, bottled up inside his heart. Eun Ae was his best friend ever since primary school, until they graduated from University. Within those years, he was too timid to confess.

He witnessed how many men came after her, and he could only clench his fists behind them. Those years when he's silent, she waited. Eun Ae dated a few men, but never lasted, because deep within her, she wanted him. The fright of rejection strangled both of them.

Dong Joon was the only son of a billionaire. Their conglomerate includes restaurants, convenience stores, and a chain of hotels. While Eun Ae was the daughter of a judge and their parents were close. Fate paved the way for their hearts to be together, yet they didn't utter a thousand words to express their unnerving infatuation with each other.

Only death weaved their desire and declared it one last time. On the 19th of January, Eun Ae turned to ashes, and they displayed her at Chungah Park Columbarium. Dong Joon stood in front of her tomb in his black tuxedo with hands inside his pocket.

Eun Ae's smile shone in her photo. It was when she graduated from Hankuk University of Foreign Studies Law School. She was with her parents and Dong Joon.

"Isn't she lovely?"

Dong Joon glanced at the man who spoke and stood beside him. It was Hong Jii, her colleague at the Alps Law Firm.

"No doubt," he replied.

Hong Jii placed the flowers he bought beside her photo. Jade Vine was her favorite flower, a rare one in the family of pea and bean. He used to buy it for her after a trip to the Philippines.

"You're too lucky," Hong Jii whispered under his breath.

Dong Joon gazed at him.

"She never looked at me the way she looked at you," he said with swollen eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7."

Dong Joon's brows furrowed.

"What's that? Password to her accounts?" he said.

"How I wish... but it's the number of times she mentioned your name each day when she's with me," Hong Jii replied.

He was Eun Ae's ex-boyfriend, the longest relationship she had.

"I am more sorry than you are. We had a good time together, and she loved me for a minute. While you? She loved you every second, but you failed to be the man she deserved," he said in a low tone and tapped his shoulder before he left.

Dong Joon sighed. He lifted one's gaze, holding back his tears.

"Why? Why did you do that?" Sun hee protested as she threw her phone to the sofa.

She grabbed the pillow near her and hugged it as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"What's your problem?" Min Jee asked, before drinking a bottle of water.

"You are my problem! Come on, why do you have to kill Eun Ae? I need a valid reason."

Sun hee's long, curly hair was in a mess after reading the last chapter of a Webtoon story.

"Stop pestering me like I'm a murderer. The only valid reason I'll give you is that... I am the author," Min Jee smirked.

"I hate you from the bottom of my hypothalamus," Sun Hee snorted.

She stood up and went to the kitchen. Min Jee slumped to the sofa and scanned her phone.

"Oh wow, look at the headline" - she ran her fingers through her neck length, vanilla-colored soft curls and placed it behind her ear - "I made the internet go wild."

Sun hee mixed the black coffee and sipped it.

"Having some fun, are you?" she said.

"The infamous criminal breaks our hearts once more... what a lousy name."

Min Jee grinned.

Seo Min Jee was a featured creator on Parallel Webtoon, the second most popular Webtoon platform in 2019. Recently, she released the last chapter of her comic entitled 'Captivated' and the netizens were crazy about it. Her fans called her Princess of Tragedy, while her bashers named her The Infamous Criminal.

She had published five comics and all of them were a success, but ended dreadfully.

"Your creativity is unbelievable. I mean how could you think of a way to make your characters miserable in the end? And we are suffering too," Sun Hee said.

"Well, that's my special skill. I inflict pain on my characters in the most dramatic manner, they'll wish to get out of their world and slap me on the face. It's not about creativity, it's about madness."

Sun hee rolled her eyes.

"My poor Dong Joon, he will never dare to slap you. You know how kindhearted he is," she said, staring blankly into space while imagining her favorite major character.

Min Jee scrolled down the comment section.

"Next time, don't create adorable characters, it's hard to let them go."

Sun hee sat across from her.

"My life is at stake here, too," Min Jee said as she lay her phone on her face.

Some bashers threatened her to grab her hair if they found out who she was. Sun hee shook her head.

"These lunatics..." she murmured.

"Now you know who to blame if you found my lifeless body one of these days."

"Don't worry, Black Sunshine. Your identity is safe with me," Sun Hee said and zipped her mouth.

"Good thing, my neighbor is one call away," Min Jee said.

Her spacious loft studio was near the Gangnam station and it has 24 hours security. No one would dare to break in.

"You should've stayed with your Mom," Sun Hee said.

"I don't want to hear it. Besides, I don't need her because you're here."

"That's so sweet of you," Sun Hee pouted.

"I'm saying you look like a middle-aged woman."

Sun Hee's eyes widened after a hint of betrayal. She grabbed the pillow and threw it to her face. Min Jee combed her hair through her fingers and glared at her.

"So you want to be my next victim," she said in a sarcastic tone.

"Let me live for tomorrow. It's an important day."

"What's the occasion?"

"It's valentine's day, goodness."

"Oh, is that so? That's why I'm clueless," Min Jee said, raising her brow.

Koreans celebrate Valentine's Day on the 14th day of February in South Korea when women give chocolates to men as a sign of affection. As part of their tradition, men that receive gifts will have to give back on White Day. They celebrate it on the 14th day of March when it's the men's turn to show their affection with sweetness. Some people follow the "Rule of Three," though people don't widely expect or practice it. It states that the reciprocal gift men give must be 3 times the value of the gift they received on Valentine's Day.

The gifts on White Day must interweave the color white like white chocolates, lingerie, candy, flowers, or wrapped in white fancy packaging. White symbolizes the purity of love and they also associate it with sugar. Women have to wait an entire month for men's reply.

How a man responds reflects what he thinks about the relationship. If he gives a gift of equal value, the relationship is over. If he doesn't give her a present, it means he thinks he's above her. For Min Jee, who's been broken for years, Valentine's Day is execution when she tortures herself.

Hot water glided all over her body. Min Jee switched the shower off and grabbed the bathrobe. She wiped her delicate feet on the rag and went to her room. It's the 14th day of February 2019, the time of the year when she'd visit her mother at her residence in Gangnam. It's not been long since she moved out of their house and rented an apartment after the death of her father.

Min Jee stepped inside of the bus and paused for a moment. She frowned at a sightful view of couples clinging to one another. She clasped her fingers on the strap as sweethearts occupied the seats.

"They won't last long," she whispered.

She did not say it out of bitterness because it was the truth she believed. Feelings are unreliable, like seasons they change. Once, they bloom and butterflies whirl. It grows, burning like a fire tornado dashing beneath the clouds. Then it begins to dry and loses its capacity to flourish until it turns cold and freezes one's heart.

She inhaled the fresh air when she stepped out of the bus. It ruined her day as they polluted every place with things she despised seeing - new couples acting like they can't have enough of each other and their happiness would never end.

She waved for a taxi and went straight to visit her mother. As she arrived, her mother had prepared a delicious lunch - Korean fried chicken, Kimchi jjigae, and Tteokbokki.

"Aren't these too much for the two of us?" Min Jee asked.

"Who says there's only the two of us?" Mrs. Seo replied.

Before Min Jee could swallow the food in her mouth, someone entered the house. She stared at the man who stood in front of them. He wore a brown hoodie and tattered jeans. His messy black hair swung when he removed his hood.

"Am I too late?" he said as he sat beside her.

"Oppa, you're here?" Min Jee said.

Her mother smiled. Youngjae stretched his fingers and began devouring the fried chickens.

"I cooked a lot because he's coming."

"Yeah, he consumes most of it."

Youngjae glanced at her.

"Stop accusing me, you don't have evidence," he said, the sides of his mouth covered with grease.

"Oh, really? Take Mom as a witness," she hissed.

Min Jee nibbled the food in her mouth, indulging its flavorsome, while Youngjae bolted the fried chicken which was his favorite.

"How have you been? I heard your webcomic is skyrocketing again," Mrs. Seo said.

"Fortunately, I told you I'm born to do this," she replied.

"You can't do that forever," Youngjae interrupted.

"Well, I can find jobs. My background and accomplishments are enough to find one."

"If you want to go back -" Min Jee cut him off.

"I'm not going back to my word. I love what I'm doing. If you can't appreciate my craft, then don't. No one's forcing you. Just leave me alone," she said with a straight face.

"Hey, I'm not against you. I'm offering you help in case you need one. You know I'd like to see you in court, but it depends on you."

He shrugged.

Her mother sighed. Min Jee graduated from Korea University Law School and passed the bar exam but didn't pursue being a lawyer.

"I know what I'm doing. I'm not a kid anymore," she said.

"Whatever, you're still my little sister, and that's forever," he said before sipping the bowl of hot soup.

"You're not supposed to be here during Valentine's day. Date your girlfriend like everybody does," she said in a monotone.

"Not everybody is in a relationship. You know that more than anyone else," he replied with a mouthful of food.

"You're implausible. You dated no one."

"I'll only date one if your stories end in felicity."

She gave him a stern look.

"You'll die single."

Not long after their scrumptious lunch, Min Jee waved goodbye and traveled back home. But her feet led her to the iconic 63 Building in Yeouido which houses two attractions: Aqua Planet 63 and 63 Art.

She gazed at the vibrant colors of coral reefs. They filled the Aqua Planet garden with ocean life, making her at ease. In a moment, she came across a memory she had in the same spot.

"This is for you. I hope you like chocolates," Min Jee said, lending a box of Ferrero Rocher to a man while bowing her head.

"You're so cute," he said and caressed her hair.

She bit her lower lip, embarrassed. He accepted her gift and smiled.

"Let's go," he said, and grabbed her hand.

They went to the top of the building and stared at the glamorous night scenery of Seoul, as well as the N Seoul Tower and Han river. She shivered as the wind whispered in her ears. He glanced at her and removed his Pink Wool scarf. He wrapped it around her neck and locked his eyes upon her.

"White Day is too far. I can't wait that long to tell you my response," he said.

The pounding of her heart was loud. Not even the marvelous fireworks display could match it.

"This is my response..." he whispered.

His face drew nearer to her until he filled the gap between their lips. That night, two hearts collided.

Min Jee stood at the top of the building alone. Wind blew through her short hair, but she was unmoved. Couples surrounded her, yet there was silence. Not even her heart was chaotic. She had a blank expression on her face.

She stood there like visiting a grave. The view was comforting, but she was numb. She had no tears left to cry and no reason to smile.

His memories kept haunting her, even in her sleep. Her first and last love remained in her chest, but she's oblivious if it was because of love, regret, or resentment.

She walked past the busy street of Seocho-dong at 7:00 pm, witnessing how people cherish every moment with the one they love. The Starbucks' name glimmered with luminous lights, still open for coffee lovers. She paused and peered at its glass window, drawn to its familiar ambiance.

"Where do you want to live when you grow old?" Min Jee asked.

"Anywhere," he replied.

She sipped an ample amount of Emperor's Clouds & Mist, one of her favorite teas in Starbucks.

"I want to live in a cozy place," she said.

"What's the use of a cozy place when you're homeless?"

Her brows crossed.

"Oh, let me rephrase that. Where do you find home?"

"Your riddles are driving me insane, Mr. Genius."

He smiled and put his hands around hers, holding her hot tea. She froze at his gesture.

"Home is where you find refuge. It's not always a place, but a person," he said in slow motion.

"I can settle anywhere... because my home is already in front of me," he added, rubbing his finger on hers.

Min Jee shifted her gaze to the dark alley. She moved like a zombie, inadvertent to her will. All of a sudden, her chest tightened. Min Jee landed her hand on the nearest wall in an attempt not to plummet. She snorted while tapping her chest.

Her invincibility was shaken. The man who used to be her strength had weakened her knees. The tears she'd been keeping for years flooded her face with unrelenting sorrow.

Sun Hee kept turning around with a wide smile on her face. She danced, imagining herself in a musical play inside of Min Jee's room. Sun Hee swayed through the music of Beautiful by Crush. Her long, curly hair twirled as she tried so hard to make an interpretative dance.

"What is wrong with you!"

Min Jee's upper body raised. Her sleeping habits muddled her hair, almost covering her face. She shouldn't have given her the passcode to her apartment. Sun Hee barged in like she owns the house.

"Look at me. I'm beautiful, am I not?"

Min Jee rubbed her eyes and scrutinized her entire body until she caught sight of what's printed on her shirt. It was Dong Joon. Even her hairband has Dong Joon's adorable face on it.

"Are you insane?" she muttered.

"Yes, I'm madly in love with Dong Joon," Sun Hee said, with a dreamy gaze in her eyes.

"You always say that along with a lot of celebrities on your list."

Sun Hee was an ultimate fangirl who rushes to every concert, fan meeting and her idol's merchandise. She screams at every drama with romantic excitement and cries a bucket of tears on sad endings. If there's a temple where she could worship her idols, she'd be a devoted nun to them.

"And where did you get that?"

"Oh, these merch? There's an online shop that sells them. But they're out of stock."

"I'm sure you bought most of them."

"Of course. If only Dong Joon's an actual person."

Sun Hee's admiration made her eyes shaped like hearts.

"You should praise me. I created him."

"Why would I? You made him suffer."

Sun Hee glared at her. She dropped her body on the bed and sighed.

Three hours later, Min Jee went to the supermarket. She had sunglasses on to conceal her puffy eyes and wore an oversized cardigan, white shirt, and denim shorts.

She walked through the saturated market. The aroma of sulfur, floral, and herbaceous spices raced to her lungs. The pungent essence of fresh fish mingled with broccoli, arugula and the citrusy compound of limes. Chili pepper paste and sesame oil drifted through the air as she ran her fingers through a long stalk of ginseng.

It was difficult to live alone and be apart from home. Questions like what to cook and where to eat bothered her at first, but she embraced independence, as she longed for it in a great deal of time.

"Excuse me."

Min Jee glanced at the person behind her. There were two young girls waiting for her response. One of them wore a long sleeve crop top and denim pants, while the other wore a black fitted V-neck crop top and a miniskirt.

"Ugh, yes?" she replied with a puzzled expression.

"Would you allow us to take a photo with you?"

"You're Miss Seo Min Jee, right?"

"May I know what this is all about?" Min Jee asked.

The girls caught a glimpse of one another.

"You are Black Sunshine, the creator of Captivated. We are avid readers!"

The girls giggled.

"Now let's take a photo!"

Min Jee's eyes widened under her sunglasses and were stunned. She stiffened as the girls stood beside her and took a groupie. Their broad smiles beamed while she's like a model in Vogue.

When the girls left, she dialed a number on her phone and put it against her ear.

"Hello-"

"Bring me lunch at home. We need to talk."

She went back to her apartment in a hurry and waited for Sun Hee. An hour later, the door opened and Sun Hee came rushing. She panted while placing the paper bags in the kitchen.

"What happened?" she asked.

Min Jee crossed her arms. She rarely hangs up on the phone before she could even speak. That's what makes the conversation urgent.

"Search my name on the net," Min Jee said.

Sun Hee sat next to her and scanned her phone. Afterwards, she covered her mouth in astonishment.

"How could this be?" she murmured.

An article about Min Jee being Black Sunshine spread like wildfire. Only her family, the Parallel Webcomics, and Sun Hee have knowledge about her identity.

"Who leaked my personal information?" she said.

"I haven't got the faintest idea."

Min Jee hates other people meddling with her life and loathes public interest. She wished to remain hidden and continue living in solitude.

"Sooner, reporters will bang at your doorstep."

"Let's ask the person who wrote the article. I'm willing to press charges against the culprit."

Sun Hee shook her head.

"Don't be too harsh on that person."

"I want to know their motives. This is despicable," she said with an ominous look on her face.

"Let's eat, okay? I'm hungry. It's been tough to stay in the hospital. I'm stuck with a deluge of clients."

Sun Hee sighed. She's a psychiatrist at Goyohan Mental Health Department Clinic. The rate of patients with mental illnesses had escalated. But when things go south, she's always a listener to Min Jee.

They went to the kitchen and grabbed a cup of ramen partnered with some soju. They breathe in the wafting odor of ramen before devouring it.

"How did you know something bad happened?" Sun Hee asked.

"Some fans took a photo of me. Did you know how shocked I was? It's like my soul came out of my body."

As an introvert, a private life matters for her. She used to avoid public places but had to deal with it as an adult.

"You should get used to it from now on. It's alright, fame won't last."

"Am I supposed to be comforted? Or threatened?"

Sun Hee looped the noodles over her chopsticks, using the spoon as an anchor. The yolky goodness of the eggs made the broth better. Min Jee pulled the noodles out and threaded them loosely over her chopsticks, using her spoon to loop them over. She dipped the noodles back into the broth and used her spoon to soak up the soup with some green onions in the mix. Then she slurped the noodles and made a loud sound.

"This makes life better," she said.

Sun Hee drank a bottle of cold soju and belched.

"And this makes life wonderful."

Sun Hee paused for a second as an idea popped inside her head.

"Have you heard about the reunion? Someone called me a few hours ago."

Min Jee shook her head.

"You know I don't like social gatherings," she said.

"Come on, some bachelors will be there. Our old crushes might be there!"

Sun Hee sniggered.

"You mean your crushes."

Min Jee didn't sound interested.

"Oh, I almost forgot. You had a crush, but it was your ex and you don't want to see him again," Sun Hee said in a casual tone.

"I'm amazed how you could remind me of him, knowing that I'll kill you."

Min Jee pierced her deathly stare at her. Sun Hee choked and grabbed a bottle of beer.

"Well, he won't be there. I heard he's busy with his recent novel, so I guess I'll go for your sake," Min Jee said.

Sun Hee looked at her with suspicion.

"You've been following him."

"What? That's absurd. It's a rumor I heard."

"We are going to find out if he's going to be there, my friend."

Sun Hee narrowed her eyes, still unconvinced.