LUNA'S Diary

May 7,1990

Dear Elena,

Tomorrow will be the day. I'm afraid to know the truth about my brother's condition. I'm scared- I don't know what will happen to my life; My classmate Ruby always asks about my brother's condition and I found it so annoying. I know what's running in her head. I know that she secretly loves my brother but she's so annoying every 30 minutes she always calls our house. Now I know why my brother never gave her a chance. I'm praying right now that it is just a normal bruise and he only had anemia and nothing worse than that. I don't know what to say; Elena. Whole Day I'm just thinking about the changes that might happen to us. My room is my heaven place in this house full of negative vibes. Mom and Dad are always fighting, they always blame each other for some reason that they don't want to tell us. hayst! Elena, I don't know what happened to our family? We used to be happy and content in life and unexpected circumstances happened. And here we are struggling about our organized life.

I just wish Elena that everything will go back to normal. I'm not used to it.

Sincerely your friend,

Luna Sandivillan

Heavy-hearted , I closed my diary and put it back in my drawer. I look at my face in the mirror. I sigh; I look like a real mess right now. I close my eyes and shake my head. I looked again in the mirror and nothing happened.

" Those movies are not real" I said and got the hair brush to brush my hair. While brushing my long black hair. My little sister Amy rushed to my room and hurriedly locked the door.

"Amy, Are you playing again?" I ask

"Yes, Ate!" She happily said to me,

" Is that hide and seek again?"I asked again.

She just happily nodded at me. I crossed my arms and looked at her.

" Amy, it's 8:30pm you should go to your bed right now" I firmly said to her.

"But Ate I'm not sleepy " Amy protest

"I'm older than you Amy, you should follow your ate" I said to her.

" But I want to play and Amanda wants to play also," She explained.

I just sigh and walk her way. I squat to make eye contact with this kid.

" Look Amy I know that you and Amanda want to play but it's already late. And you know that we need to go to the hospital tomorrow for Kuya's Check-up right? " I calmly said to her. She slowly nodded her head to me and hugged me.

" I want to sleep," Amy whispered to my ears. I just smiled because of his cute action that made my heart flatter.

"Okay, Sweetheart" I said to her and I carried her back to her room.

I gently put Amy in her bed and kissed her forehead " Goodnight Amy" I said to her and I looked at the Doll beside her. " And Goodnight Amanda" I said to the doll.

I silently leave Amy's room. When I left her room; I saw Kuya Lenard standing at our parent door. I immediately went to kuya to ask him what he was doing in front of our parents room.

"Kuya" I called him

He immediately looked at me and weakly smiled; My heart tightened when I saw his smile. So weak, So tired.

" Why are you here on the outside? " I asked him.

He put his index finger in his mouth telling me to be quiet. I nod at him and look in the door of our parents. After a few seconds I heard the shouting and cursing of our parents. They blame each other again; It's a never ending blaming game between them.

" It's because of me" My brother suddenly said that makes me feel sorry for him.

" No, It's their problem not us" I said to Kuya Lenard to make him feel better.

"No, Luna. It's me. If I don't have an illness. They will not fight" He said

I shake my head as a sign of objection. I immediately held his hand and looked into his eyes.

"Kuya Lenard, It's not your fault and besides we don't know if you have an illness. Please just think positive that it's just a simple anemia and you just need vitamins and exercise to feel better. " I said to him. I will do my best to lift his spirit; I know he needs it right now.

I don't want my brother to have an illness. I don't know what to do if that ever happens to him. He's my protector and my saviour. I will hardly pray for his good health.

Oh God, Please give my Kuya good health. He has so many dreams in his life. And there is a bright future waiting for him.

After what happened in our parents room. I go back to my room and hurriedly get my diary and sit at my study table.

Dear Elena,

I hate my parents right now. They make my Kuya feel that all the bad luck happening to our family is his fault. And it makes my kuya weak not physically but mentally and emotionally. My parents are the worst!

I hate them. I feel suffocated because of their actions that they don't think. Elena, what should I do? I know that I need to be brave for my kuya Situation but I'm afraid. It's okay to be afraid right?

Sincerely yours,

Luna

I close my eyes and think about what might happen tomorrow.

"I just wish that it's all a dream"

May 8,1990

Dear Elena,

My heart is full of sorrow because of the news that the doctor told us. I hate it! I wish it's all just a dream Elena. A While ago in the hospital I had 100% hope for my brother's condition but when the doctor said the bad news; It fell to 50%. My brother has Acute promyelocytic Leukemia Stage 1. My mother cried. It's so hard to watch my mother helplessly crying. I bawled my eyes out because of the result. I hate it! It makes my heart bleed. But you know Elena. I admire my Kuya because he didn't cry. And he makes sure that it's okay that we don't need to feel sorry for him. That he will fight for his life until the end. He is so strong Elena! I'm proud that he is my Kuya. Even though he is sick, he still acts as the eldest son in our family. Oh gosh! I don't want to cry but I'm crying right now. Everytime I remember the scenario earlier at the hospital my heart squeezes because of the pain. It's funny right? I am not the one who needs medication but I hurt the most next to my mother. Elena, My Father is not with us earlier. He goes to work even though he knows that it's an important day to us. I feel like he dont care about Kuya. You know Elena this year is the very unlucky year of my life. All the things that I experience right is all new to me. And I hate it!

Sincerely yours,

Luna

I closed my Diary and put it inside my drawer. Seconds later I'm crying hard. It's so hard for me to accept the situation of my brother. I'm trying to look for the bright side of our situation. We know about his condition and I think it's a blessing from above. We can cure it.

"Yeah! We can fight it" I said to myself with a hope that I'm right. Because right now I am holding to my faith.

"Luna, Believe it" Convincing myself.

I should go to the library tomorrow. I will find a book about my Brother's disease. Maybe I can find an alternative treatment. Herbal?

I'M HERE in the Library scrolling in every corner of the bookshelves.

"There's so many books in here" I unconsciously said to myself.

" Yeah! So many varieties" I immediately looked at the man beside me.

"Carlo!" I gasp

"Wow! you are obviously surprised huh" He playfully said before he faced me and gave the sweetest smile that I'm dying to see everyday of my life.

I hold my younge for 10 seconds before I answer his question.

" It's just. I'm surprised " I stuttered when I talked to him and it's so embarrassing.

I immediately cover my face with my hand to avoid his dreamy eyes. I feel my heart throbbing abnormally.

"Oh! You don't need to feel embarrassed. It's makes me awkward Luna" He giggles.

" I'm sorry. I'm just not feeling comfortable " I shyly said to him before I turned around and left him alone standing in front of a bookshelves.

" Oh my gosh! I am such a disappointment "I hissed to myself

After 20 minutes of walking around in the Library I finally found the book that I need.

The book that I got is thick. It's obviously a medical book.

"Okay where it is?"

I searched in the book until I found the information that I needed for my brother's illness. It's better to have knowledge after all.

I read the information in the book until I came into the Sign and Symptoms of the Illness.

Signs and Symptoms

Patients with APL exhibit many of the same symptoms as other types of acute myelogenous leukemia (AML). Most of the signs of leukemia are the result of cancer cells "crowding out" the bone marrow and interfering with the production of normal, healthy red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets. These signs and symptoms include:

Having low energy, or feeling tired all the time

Feeling short of breath when doing regular activities

Pale skin

Unexplained fevers

The increased healing time of cuts and bruises

Achy bones or joints

Difficulty "fighting off" infections

In addition to these signs of AML, APL patients also show other characteristic symptoms. They will often:

Have severe bleeding problems such as bruising, nosebleeds, blood in the urine or bowel movements. Girls and women with APL may notice unusually heavy menstrual periods.

At the same time, there is often abnormal, excessive clotting of the blood.

"From all the symptoms and signs.

I know that he will suffer for the next few months or years" I unconsciously said to myself.

"What is that?" I look at the man who speaks.

And it's Carlo again.

"Do I surprise you again?" He happily asked me?

And my head voluntarily nodded to his Questions.

What's wrong with me?

"No, Not really. I'm fine" I quickly closed my mouth when I stuttered again in front of Carlo for the 2nd time.

" Okay, Don't be shy around me Luna. Loosen up. You are stiff" He jokingly said to me before he laughed.

His laugh makes my heart jump. I want to hear that sound every day of my life.

"By the way Luna- Why are you reading that book? Are you planning to be a doctor someday?" Carlo asked.

I shake my head and touch the book

"Its a personal matter" I answered

He just nodded to my answer as a sign of respect. I'm thankful that he is not a nosy type of guy. So there's no follow up questions.

"Ahmm...Carlo If you mind. Why are you here at the library? " I asked

He looked at me and then he pointed to the girl at the opposite table. "I'm following her" He whispered to my ears, which gave me shivers around my body.

"Why?"I asked

" Because she caught my attention," He said.

" Do you know her?"

" First name but not the full name" He nonchalantly said.

" She's beautiful" I confess that makes carlo laugh

" That's true Luna. You have an eye for the beauty" He happily said

That makes my heart twitch painfully.

May 15, 1990

Dear Elena,

Few days have passed and I'm sorry Elena if I don't write any updates about my life for the past few days; I've been busy because of enrollment and the School year is near. Anyways, This is the update of my life right now. Everyday my Mom and Dad are always fighting and it makes the house so sad because all the people who live here were covered by the bad energy caused by them. I want to burst my feelings when they fight but Kuya said to me- Nothing will change even if I become the referee of those two couples. Hayst! Elena. I'm sick of my parents. And I don't want Amy to grow up in the house with a Parents who have a hobby of arguing with each other. It will affect her. For now I make a way so that Amy will not hear the quarrel in the kitchen. Everytime Mom and Dad had a quarrel or argument, we would sing in her bedroom with her favourite song Bahay-Kubo. I look like a retarded when we sing like a rockstar to the song of Bahay-Kubo but anything I will do for Amy. And about my brother. Kuya always locked himself in his room. He doesn't want to see his friends. He avoids them every time his friends visit him. But Mom said, We need to understand my Kuya situation. It was hard for him also. He just needs his space. And that is the reason also why Kuya will stop his study. He said that he needs time for his treatment and he doesn't want any distractions while he is doing his treatment. When he said his decision to us my Dad was angry at my Kuyas decision but later on he accepted because he can't do anything that is a request from a cancer patient. He needs to follow it and he is his son. For sake Dad! Don't be strict this time. Hayst! Elena I want to voice out my opinion in this house but my parents are traditional oldies. I need to follow their rules until I go out in this place and live on my own. Wow! It will take so many years Elena. But I patiently wait.

Sincerely yours,

Luna Sandivillan

After I write in my diary I put it in my drawer. I look at my wall clock and its 10 pm.

"I want to watch TV but there's no TV after 8 pm" I sullenly said

Hayst. Those rules. I can't sleep tonight. My Kuya is asleep and so is Amy too. I think I'm the only one in this house who is still awake.

Hmmmm... What should I do?

Listen to the radio until I fall asleep?

"Nah! My mom will angrily go to my room just to shut the radio"

Reading Magazine?

"No, I have no latest issue model of any magazine"

Write?

"My hands hurt"

Study?

"HAHAHAHAHA...NO WAY!"

Trying on all my dresses ?

" And then after that I need to fix and put it again in the cabinet. So much work"

Look at Carlo 's picture?

" NO WAY! THAT'S CREEPY! Beside I don't have any of his picture"

All of my choices was gone

"HAHAHAHA" I desperately laugh.

How can I sleep?

I go to my bed and lie myself to my soft but hard mattress. I feel so stiffened. I want to sleep but I can't.

Hmmmmm... Can I use the telephone to call one of my friends?

"A VERY IMPOSSIBLE IDEA"

My mom will surely scold me for that Idea. Anyways, I will just count sheep and pray that this method will work.

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

Argh.. It's not effective. I feel awakened.

Hayst.... I wonder if Carlo is still awake this time? If ever he awakens. What will he be doing right now? Drawing? Study? Basketball? Watching sports?

If ever. Do I have a chance with him or not?

Did he really like the girl in the library?

What if he courted her?

Oh my gosh! This is what will happen if I don't sleep; I'm overthinking for some reason that I don't need to think in the first place. But what If Carlo and that girl have a great time in the past few days? Carlo is a charismatic and good looking guy. He is also sweet and Smart. all girls will fall for him.

Ever since Elementary I admired him and will surely fall in love soon. I hate myself for having a one sided love affair. I know I deserve someone who will love me first. But she took my heart away.

What I'm thinking? I'm overthinking again. this is not good for me gosh! I think it's better if the school days will come so I have the reason to put all my attention to school work. I hate when I'm blushing to him. Oh! Here I am again Overthinking .

"Hayst! Carlo I don't know what to do if you will have a girlfriend and it's not me. It will surely make my heart shattered into pieces. My life will be deep into sorrow and you are the only way to get out to that dark world" I'm being so dramatic because I cant sleep.

This is the reason why I don't want to sleep in the afternoon , especially if it's not school days. It will make it hard for me to sleep at night.

I look at my wall clock again and Its 10:47.

"Wow, I wasted my 47 minutes just thinking about Carlo and my miserable one-sided love affair" I nonchalantly said to myself.

Hayst. It's not time to think about my Lovelife. I have real problems that need my whole attention.

After a few minutes I yawn. The greatest yawn that I ever made. And I feel my eyes heavily that need to sleep.

Did I pray?

I immediately open my eyes from the thought of praying.

"oh my gosh!"

I slap my forehead for my stupidity. I have time for Carlos but not for the Creator of the world? Oh wow Luna your 6 years of Catholic school was all wasted.