Kissing The Wind

Just like the wind, I was invisible.

No one dare to get close to me. During recitation, I would volunteer myself to speak in front because teachers wouldn't choose me. For them, I was the last option.

I had no friends. Of course, they wouldn't get along with a poor girl like me, because almost all students here in my school were born with a golden spoon in the mouth. I was the exception.

The good thing of being alone? I could do what I want.

I smiled while watching the little kitten ate my leftover fish in my lunchbox. Earlier, I didn't finish my lunch because I need to finish some projects. So when I got pass by here and saw the kitten, I just gave my leftover away.

"We're the same," I whispered under my breath. "People don't want us." I heaved a sigh.

I waited for almost ten minutes before the kitten finished my leftovers. "Good," I said before I put back my lunchbox inside my backpack.

When I stood up, I saw the students nearby looking at me with ridiculous looks. Sometimes they'll whisper to each other and giggles. And I knew that it was me who they were whispering about.

It's okay. I was born to be ridiculed anyway. I just shrugged my shoulders and walked ahead.

The sun was setting on the horizon. The color of the sky was like a painting, with red and orange streaks. It drew a smile to my lips as I wondered how much time was left before the sun finally hid on the west.

I always saw the sunset after school. Every day, while I was strolling the road way home, I constantly look above and wonder how magnificent the sunset was.

I heaved a sigh again. I knew that my mom was making soup now, as I continued my journey towards home. She was like that. She was fond of cooking, and I love every bit of it.

"Miss!" someone shouted from behind.

I stopped in my tracks and turned around. I saw a man walking gracefully towards me. Furthermore, I faintly smiled at him. "Yes, Mister?"

He smiled back. "I saw you giving some food to a kitten near the campus gate."

"Uh." I blinked. "Yeah. I did it earlier."

I looked past him. We're almost a kilometer away from the campus gate. I saw the signage, since the sidewalk follows a straight path.

"It looks like there's something in your food, Miss."

"Huh?" I looked back to the man and I saw no sign of his smile now.

There's something on my food?

"What do you mean?" I asked.

He brushed his hair using his own fingers and gave me a weird smile. "The kitten is dead."

What? The kitten is dead?

I knitted my brows at his remarks. I was not sure if he was kidding or saying the truth. The mischievous smile on his lips didn't help either.

"I think I should go," I said and turned around. I briskly walked away, but I abruptly stopped when he said something.

"You must not get away from your crime."

I turned around again and scorned at him. "What did you say?"

He shrugged his shoulder. "When you passed the gate and gave something to the kitten, I was just around the corner watching for you. I have seen the entire crime. I witnessed it all, Miss. And you know that I am not the only witness."

"What are you talking about?" I harshly breathed and gave him a warning look. "Don't accuse me! I did not do anything wrong!"

"How do you explain the dead kitten outside the school campus?"

"I don't believe you!" I looked away and crossed my arm. "If the kitten is dead, then I should be dead also. What I gave to the kitten was my leftover, so don't accuse me of a crime I didn't commit in the first place!"

"Angry?" He chuckled and put both hands inside the pockets of his pants. "Let's talk about it in cool heads, shall we?"

"I'm not kidding with you, Mister. Don't play with me!"

I turned from him and stormed away. I couldn't believe someone will accuse me of murdering a kitten. It was impossible for the kitten to die. That man was hilarious!

"You still don't believe me?"

The voice was near. I looked behind while walking ahead, and I saw the same man. He was keeping up with my pace and smiled at me when our eyes met.

Not again!

"Will you stop following me? Or I'll call the police!"

"We're heading on the same path."

There's no way that this man will stop nagging me. I gave up. I stopped and turned around at him. "What do you want?" I asked.

He stopped walking and smiled again at me. Come on, what's with that smile?

"Will you please stop smiling? You're creeping me out!" I exclaimed.

I could no longer feel the rays of the sunset. The faint smell of coffee from a coffee shop nearby lingered in my nostril as I walked past the shop earlier, but I smelled the strong perfume of this man when the wind passed by us. I almost throw up because of how strong the smell was.

He suppressed his own smile while looking down at me. "I guess, my smile won't work on you."

I faked a smile and gritted my teeth in annoyance. This man was really getting into my nerves.

"I am not here to see your disgusting smile. Show me any evidence that the kitten is dead. By then, I might believe your accusations."

"Alright." He brought his phone out from his pocket. "I knew that you'll ask for it, so I got you a picture."

He showed me his phone's screen. I adjusted my vision and I saw a picture of a kitten that looked like the one I feed outside the campus gate. The kitten in the picture was laying on the dusty sidewalk.

I shrugged my shoulder. "He just lay down there. Maybe the kitten is going to sleep."

But the man showed me the next picture. This time, the perspective was somewhat nearer. I could see that the kitten's mouth was open, and some white foams were coming out from its mouth.

I blinked. Was I seeing a dead kitten?

"Yes." The man put his phone back inside his pocket. "Do you believe now?"

My forehead creased. "This might be a misunderstanding. It's impossible for the kitten to die. We ate in the same lunchbox, yet I am still alive." I shook my head. "This is crazy."

I tried to turn around to leave, but the man grabbed my wrist. "Wait," he calmly said.

I looked at him. He stared deeply at me. "What?" I weakly asked.

"The kitten was poisoned."

I nodded. "I guess it is food poisoning."

"And I'm afraid that it is after you."

My forehead creased even more at what he just said. "After me?"

He nodded. "Be careful."

"That's impossible." I desperately laughed, but I guess it sounded like a nervous laugh. "And who would be after my life?"

I shook my head at the thought of someone who wanted me dead. I could not think of a reason why someone's after my life. Not only that, but I think that idea was impossible.

"You're talking nonsense." I coldly said and shoved away his hand that was holding my wrist. "I don't even know you, so stop making a ridiculous idea, will you?"

He weakly smiled. "I'm Anthony Bermeda, the new teacher. Please be careful, Miss."

He walked pass by me. I followed him with my gaze as he walked away. Teacher? He is a new teacher?

I blinked and scratched my nape. I hope he won't be my subject teacher or else...

My mother was not the best mom in the world. I thought she was the worst. She was selfish and could not do her job as a mother. The only thing that set her aside from other moms was that she had the skill of a best cook.

"Did you eat your lunch?" she asked as I get inside the house.

I looked at her and nodded. "Yeah."

She stared intently at me, from head to toe, and then smiled. "Soup is ready."

I faintly smiled. The picture of the dead kitten was still clear in my mind. I do not want to raise a suspicion to my mother, but what she asked first when I got inside was something... odd.

Why would she ask about me eating my lunch?

I followed her to the kitchen while unzipping my backpack to get the lunchbox. Surely, I did not want to bring it up, but I might not rest well due to suspicion.

"Mom?" I put the lunchbox at the kitchen sink. "Is it you who fried the fish?"

"Fried the fish?" She put a bowl of soup at the center of the table and faced me. "What do you mean?"

"Uh." I washed my hands and dried them up. I looked at my mom. "When I feed the kitten at the school, that same kitten died out of a poison. Uh... I do not mean to ---"

"Suspect me?" She raised her brow. "Are you suspecting me?"

"N-No. I mean, no. I just want to ask you if you had put something on the fish?"

She crossed her arm. "Did you eat your lunch?" she asked.

I gulped hard. The same question again. I nodded. "Yea, I had some."

"And you're well?"

I nodded again. "I g-guess?"

"So why would you suspect your own mother?" Her forehead creased and walked closer to me. She picked up the empty glass at the kitchen counter and stepped closer to the dining table. "If I had put something on your food, you must be dead by now."

"Mom..."

"I'm serious," she huffed. "You suspect me of something heinous, and you did not even think that maybe the kitten ate a poison before you feed him? You have your mind to think, Sydnee!"

I looked down the floor. "I-I'm sorry, Mom."

"Even though I know that you don't do well in class, but I expect you to at least have some common sense."

"S-Sorry, Mom."

She put water in the glass and drank it. She breathed deep and looked scornfully at me. "Throw your lunchbox away. If that kitten died out of poison, then your lunchbox is not safe."

"Okay, Mom."

"And don't just feed some stray animals, Sydnee. Those are dirty, and you should not get close to them!"

I heaved a sigh. "Okay," I said and picked up the lunchbox.

The truth was that I have been feeding stray animals for years now. I had kept it a secret to my parents because I knew that my mother would get mad if she'll know about it.

I have been sharing my lunch to stray animals, and it was the first time that an animal died after I feed it. In the past, there was no incident like this. But maybe my mother's words were true.

Maybe the kitten had eaten something poisonous before I feed it. And maybe it was just a coincidence that the kitten had died. But I just could not believe with a mere coincidence, though.

Nonetheless, I did what my mother instructed me to do. I threw away the lunchbox at the landfill nearby.

I could smell the stink of garbage that had been piled up over the years. My stomach churned. Even though I had lived for years near this place, I could not get use to it.

I hurriedly walked past the landfill and back to the humble nipa hut, just kilometers away from the mountain of garbage.

"If only he did not steal something," I whispered.

I could see the dim light from the inside of the nipa hut. I knew that my mother was waiting inside, but I stopped just a meter away from it.

The scene of a humble nipa hut was not what my grade school self hoped for. My grade school self was dreaming of a big and fancy house where someday she and her parents will live in. But all of those dreams were burned along with our former house when my dad stole some of his boss' money.

Our house was burned into ashes and later that day, my dad was accused of fraud. He was put to jail, but my mother bargained to the boss to free my dad in exchange for the same amount of money that dad had stolen.

And that was hard for my mom. Because dad did not have enough savings. My mother did not have a work, so where could she get money to free my father?

I remembered how she cried all night while we stayed in the lonely street of Consolacion. I still remember how I got so fascinated by the city lights in front of my eyes, while my mother was silently crying at my back.

My innocent and young mind did not know the reason why we stayed on the streets, or why dad was not with us. I just thought of the fascinating city lights. I even tried to chase after the cars if not of my mother who scolded me like that was her last night.

Not only that, but I could see how angry she was at me. She blamed me for why we are staying on the street, and why dad was put to jail, and why our house was burned. She scolded me like there was no tomorrow. Furthermore, she spanked me hard, even slapped me in my both cheeks.

I cried because of so much fear and pain.

And in that one night, I saw how cruel the world was. And still up to the present, I could still experience the cruelty in both my school and in my own home.

Home. Is it really... where the heart is?

I took a step forward. I walked closer to the nipa hut and entered in. A few more steps and I could enter the small kitchen.

And I saw mother. She was silently taking a sip on her small bowl of soup. "Take some soup," she said without looking up at me.

I silently heaved a sigh and sat on the other side. I quietly pour some soup on my bowl when she said something.

"Pour more. You need to finish the soup."

I gulped. "O-Okay."

My insides curled. I was still scared of my own mother.

The memories of my childhood never ever leave my memory. They stayed there like an old friend, who visited me from time to time to remind me that they were still there, and I could count on them when I need them.

But I didn't need those memories.

I didn't like to have them!

But every time I tried to run away from those memories, they keep on chasing after me. They were chasing close enough to touch me. And in those times, I knew, I could not escape them.

They had already made a home in my mind.

IT WAS unusually quiet. My classmates talked less, and I find it weird since I knew that they were really talkative. Maybe this morning was different.

I silently walked in the aisle and sat on my chair at the back. I looked around, but nothing's weird except the stillness of my classmates. They were really quiet.

I wanted to ask my seatmate on what happened, but I knew that no one will answer me. I shrugged my shoulder. It was the usual response.

I opened my backpack and got my notebook. Today's first subject was Math, and I sucked on this subject the most. I didn't know why I could not get the right solutions for math problems.

It was really easy if the teacher was demonstrating it to us, but when I got the term paper and read new math problem, I always end up staring the test paper wondering how to answer such strange and new math problems. I always ended up in a panicked state where my mind stopped processing.

"Good morning," someone greeted from the front.

I looked at the one who strolled happily towards the teacher's table at the front. At first, I did not recognize him but when he stood firm and looked at the whole class, my mouth opened slightly in awe.

He was the guy yesterday, the witness of the 'dead' kitten. I blinked twice, but yeah, I guess he's really standing in front of the class.

"Good morning, Sir!" my classmates greeted.

He looked again the whole class and gestured us to stand up. "We'll have some activity where I'll introduce myself to you, and all of you introduce yourself to me," he said.

My classmates looked unto each other. I just nodded slightly, hoping that he will not notice me ---

"Miss, with silky black hair at the back," the teacher called.

I breathed deeply and smiled. "Yes, Sir?"

"Would you please stay here in front?"

His favor to me silenced the whole class. My lips parted slightly as I contemplated if I heard him right. I did not raise my hand nor said something to get his attention.

And I was sure that my classmates thought of this as a weird start of the class.

"You want me to go in front, Sir?" I asked.

I want to clarify if I heard it right or nah. Maybe my ears betrayed me.

Anthony, as what he told me yesterday as his name, nodded with a little creased forehead. "I don't want to repeat myself, Miss."

Oh. I guess he's a strict teacher. I just shrugged my shoulders and walked past the classroom's aisle. The scourging stare of my classmates made my scalp go numb. They wondered why the teacher picked me, and so was I.

As a matter of fact, I was not the first option. This was the first time that someone picked me first.

"Now that you are here," Anthony whispered. He stalked closer to me and handed something. "Write down the names of your classmates on the chalkboard, including yours."

"Sir?"

His lips formed a small smile. "You want me to repeat myself?"

I immediately shook my head. "I-I understand, Sir."

I got the stick of the chalk from his hand and started writing on the chalkboard. I breathed deeply as my lips started to quiver.

"Make it a table like list, with four columns and five rows."

I silently looked at him and our eyes instantly met. I looked back to the chalkboard and focused my attention to writing the names of my classmates.

Four columns and five rows...

I did what he instructed me to do, but in the middle of writing, I quietly stopped and looked at the class. The truth was I only knew a handful of names of my classmates.

I did not know the whole class, just half of them. And those I knew were once became my group mates or pair during an activity. So how am I going to write all of their names?

"Miss?"

I blinked and looked at the teacher. He should not pick me up in the first place. Right then, I just hope that he did not pick me first.

"I could not write them down, Sir." I looked on the floor.

"And why?" he asked.

There was a hint of playfulness in his tone. I wanted to confront him, but I did not want to shame him in front of his class or talk as if he was not a teacher. I did not want to be rude, so I just shyly smiled at him.