King of Darkness

"Dammit!" Willow swore as another arrow missed its mark.

"Don't sweat. You are at it for far too long. Perhaps, a little break will help you loosen your muscles," Reagan, the vampire, and her teammate said from behind her.

"It's not that," Willow dismissed.

"Then pray, tell what is?" Reagan said as she leaned on the door of the gym room with her arms folded, projecting a leisure pose. But only a fool will consider her calm.

Reagan is a master at creeping behind and killing the prey. But she sucks at being patient. Unlike Willow. Who can stand still for hours if the occasion calls for it?

And today that patience is eluding her. It might have to do with the absence of her teammates.

Defeated, she sighed and dropped her arms, her back protesting. With her bow in her right hand and the arrow in her left, she turned to meet the eyes of the vampire.

"I can't help it. Something is brewing Reagan. I can sense it. If only the others are here-,"Willow trailed off as she clenched her fist around the arrow.

She need not say how she senses it. No one would ask her. Even if they do, they don't get the answers because everyone carries their secrets in the Guild. Letting one's secrets known is equal to handing one's weakness to others.

Though Reagan is her teammate and best friend, she still hesitates to reveal her secrets. It's ingrained in her mind to never reveal. Never display your powers to an outsider, her parents' last words before they died.

The Guild is a supernatural organization that includes all types of supernaturals. Their major goal is to kill the rogues. Any supernatural can turn a rogue but it has a different meaning for each one.

For beasts or werewolves, rogue means giving in to their inner beast's urges, turning them into savages, feasting on others.

A vampire once turned rogue will kill and enjoy it while killing his blood donor. Basically, the vampire doesn't need to kill to curb their hunger. But a rogue will.

Fae, mages, or witches- for all of them, going rogue means giving into their power. Unable to control their power. Their power will take a life of its own. That's why it's crucial for these kinds to train before they hit puberty.

And lastly, there is the "others" kingdom. No one knows much about it. They keep to themselves. Even the Guild doesn't have any data on that kingdom and it sticks in the Guild head's craw.

"I hope so. But you know about them and how stubborn they are... well at least Azrian is. I don't know about Claire," Reagan said, bringing Willow out of her musings.

"She shouldn't have quit the position," Willow said, biting her lower lip with her front teeth, worrying over her team leader, Azrian. Azrian was given the task of spying on her king by the Guild's head. And Azrian being Azrian, she refused to spy.

"Azrian listens to no one. If she doesn't want to do it, then no one can force her. After hearing what the Guild's head asked of her, I wouldn't blame her either," Reagan said as she casually tossed the dagger in the air only to catch it by its tip.

"Do you think there is something going on between her and the werewolf king?" Willow asked, setting her bow and arrow carefully in the holder. She normally wouldn't leave the Guild without them. They are a part of her.

"Who knows? You know how Azrian is. She is as tight-lipped as you," Reagan said as she carefully met the eyes of Willow amid her stunt.

Instead of answering her indirect question, Willow said, "as if you spill all your beans. There is a reason why we are paired as a team. We are one close-lipped bunch."

Reagan snickered at the picture Willow painted.

"If there really is something going on between Azrian and the king, then I pity her. You know he is mated right?" Reagan asked bored of throwing the dagger.

"Yes. But the last I heard she is in a coma. Who knows, maybe fate will be kind to her this time," Willow replied as she sipped the water from her bottle.

They all know how her team leader is suffering from suppressed rage at the injustice of fate. Perhaps, everything will follow its course now.

"Have you heard anything from Claire?" Willow asked, closing the cap of the bottle.

"No. Have you?" Reagan asked, standing straight.

Willow shook her head. "Shit!"

"Shit! Shit! Shit!"

Reagan threw her dagger hitting the bulls-eye which eluded Willow today.

"Do you think something might have happened to her?" Willow asked fearing for her teammate. Claire is just a human and hence is mothered by the entire team.

"Like what?" Reagan asked, facing her.

"Like the Guild head sending her to spy on the king," Willow contemplated the thought not to her like.

"What if she was sent instead of Azrian?" Willow voiced her thoughts.

"Azrian won't allow it. And you should know better. No one can cross Azrian when she is in her beast mode, least of all Claire. And Claire may be human but she is smart," Reagan shot the question down the drain.

"Does that mean she is in danger?" Willow paced the length of the room, her hands clenched at her sides.

"I-" before Reagan could reply to Brenda, the remaining teammate came barging into the room.

Brenda is a mage and an empath.

"Detected something?" Reagan asked Brenda sarcastically. Reagan is not a big fan of Brenda as Brenda can sense the emotions of others. For a close-lipped bunch, she is like an antidote.

Though Brenda only wants to help, it sometimes misfires, especially when the recipient doesn't want the attention. She is kind and innocent. Sometimes too much when she believes every lie the Guild head dishes out.

"Umm... did I interrupt something?" Brenda asked, shuffling her shoes.

For a mage, she is like that shy flower yet to blossom.

"Your usual thing," Reagan replied sarcastically.

Willow threw a dirty look at Reagan and said, "no. Nothing big. We were just wondering about Claire. Have you heard anything from her?"

"Claire? No. I thought she might have contacted you guys," Brenda replied with a frown, clasping her hands.

"Oh boy! Something is fishy. First Azrian, now Claire," Reagan scratched her chin with her forefinger unknowingly.

Though they are as different as day and night, the golden rule of their team is to always have each other's back.

"If not for checking your radar, why are you here?" Reagan asked with her hands on her hips.

"Oh, I almost forgot. Guild head is asking for you," Brenda replied, raising her chin in Willow's direction.

"Me?" Willow questioned with a frown.

"Do we have a new assignment? Surely, the old crone wouldn't let us go in the field without a team leader," Reagan scrunched her face not liking the idea of a new member.

They are a team and adjusting to a new member is difficult and often disrupts the team dynamics. But a team should have 5 members. With Azrian and Claire went, they are lacking 2 members.

"Don't know. I didn't ask," Brenda shrugged her shoulders.

"Of course, why would you? It would go against your DNA to question the Guild Head," Reagan snarled.

"It's not like that," Brenda shuffled some more.

"It's like what then?" Reagan queried crowding Brenda.

"Oh, stop it you two! We don't know where Claire is, Azrian quit the job, and you both are busy with your antics," Willow pinched her nose in frustration.

"It's not me," Brenda whispered. Reagan bared her fangs in a warning.

Before Reagan could act on it, Willow zeroed on her, shielded Brenda, and with a hand on Reagan's chest, she said, "cut it. Azrian might not be here but we are still a team. We don't bite each other. Tone it down. She is just a messenger."

"Fine," Reagan backed out but not before throwing a glare.

Willow curbed the urge to release a sigh. Though they all are around the same age, sometimes these two are too much. Children. Both of them. It's not me, it's her. Willow mused how Azrian dealt with them without going mad.

Reagan is not of the bad sort. She is just tough. You have to be when you are a vampire. Vampires are animals clad in human skin. Willow hates vampires, but she sensed a sort of kinship with Reagan. It was not the case in the beginning when she joined the team. It took time. But slowly and surely, they became the best of friends.

Perhaps it may have to do with the fact that they both would remain immortal while the other members will wither away with old age.

"Why don't you guys concentrate on locating Claire while I deal with the Guild's head?" Willow asked.

Brenda replied spontaneously as if she had thrown a lifeline.

"Sure"

"Does she have any tracking device on her?" Reagan asked

"The last I knew about her, she was hunting some were-rogue," Brenda supplied.

"Alone?" I scoffed at not liking the idea.

"You know Claire. She won't listen to anyone. She has to prove to everyone that she can do it alone," Brenda sighed.

"Fuck! I'm gonna kill that bitch if the were-rogue hasn't finished with her," Reagan uttered through a clenched jaw.

"Follow the queue," Willow said to Reagan, turned to Brenda, and asked, "when was that?"

"A week ago," Brenda replied, her cheeks turning red.

"A week! That was before Azrian left. Why was no one aware of this fact?"

"The Guild Head..." Brenda trailed off, embarrassed to admit that she had followed the orders.

"Fuck Brenda! You should have said something, " Willow said, punching her nose.

"And you question why I'm behind her case?" Reagan said aloud with sarcasm dripping in her voice.

"We will deal with this later. First let me check what the Guild's head wants," Willow walked out of the room, not in the mood to act as a referee for another pissing match between Reagan and Brenda. It's more like Reagan bulldozing Brenda, but whatever. At least it will let the steam out of them and hopefully, they will concentrate on Claire after that.

Willow went to her room and had a nice long shower. Just because the Guild's head called her, no need to run to cater to her needs.

Her muscles protesting from the exercise, she scrubbed and washed her hair. Wrapped in a white towel, she used her left hand to wipe the mirror before gazing at herself.

Her long blonde hair clung to her, a shade darker now, as it fell limply around her shoulders. It almost touched her butt. Her green eyes held many secrets as she scrutinized herself.

She is tall like another fae. 5'.10". Her limbs and legs are well-toned, courtesy of her daily routine and the harsh life she lives. With her sharp cheekbones, pouty lips, many would say she is beautiful. To the point of looking almost ethereal. But only she knows what the skin hides. Pain. Thirst for vengeance.

She turned her back to the mirror and swiftly got ready to head to the Guild head's office. Anything to make her forget.

With sure steps, she followed the path that will lead to the Guild head's office, her gaze not lingering on her teammates bickering in the front of the gym room.

"You called?" Willow questioned once she entered the office, without knocking on the door.

"Ah... Willow, thank you for gracing us with your presence. I was expecting a much later response," the guild head responded to her presence by leaning on her chair. She is an old woman with an indefinite age look. For some, she appears 50-something, and for others 70-something. Her this quality along with some other attributes made her popularly known as a "chameleon" in the circles.

"You never mentioned time," Willow replied flippantly as she circled the chair and sat on it.

"Of course, silly of me. I should have done that. Your team always tries my patience. Why can't you be like other team and their members"

"Then it would be too easy for you. Someone has to keep you on your toes in your old age," Willow smirked. It's an internal joke as the Guild Head may look old but she is not old. No one knows what she is, fae or vampire or mage. But many team members guess she must be a vampire or fae as they are the only ones who could be immortal.

Willow doesn't hate her nor dislikes her. It's just that she likes to bend some rules. After all, teasing keeps a relationship healthy.

"Why do I bother with your team?" The Guild's head pinched her nose in frustration.

"If it's Reagan you won't even get this much attention," Willow pointed out. She at least follows the rules albeit with little detours if it is beneficial for her, but no one can tell Reagan what she must do. Just like Azrian. Yes, their team is one stubborn bunch.

"Thanks for bringing that to my attention. That girl will surely land me on an early grave."

"We both know you are not dying any time soon. Now quit stalling and tell me the purpose of this meeting. Do we have to hunt another rogue? Which category? I need stats-how many kills he has made already, location, where was he last time when he was sane, you know the usual," Willow asked leaning forward as she scanned the desk between them for any clues.

The office is a mix of both old-school and new technology. As magic and metal don't mix properly, the Guild's head uses paper and files which in turn solidifies the doubt that she is either fae or vampire.

Behind her, there is a screen that is tracking the team that has gone for the hunt which is totally unnecessary, but it's the guild's head's way of keeping her finger on all sorts of things.

"No. This is not about the growing rogue issue"

"It's not? Do we have a new problem we are not aware of?" Willow sat straight, leaving the air of casualness behind her as she contemplated the reason behind this call.

"You can say that," the guild head removed her glasses, placed them on the desk, and clasped her hands before her.

"Stop talking in riddles and speak directly"

"Very well. I want you to spy on the vampire king," she said, meeting her eyes. Willow stood at once from the chair, making it toppled almost.

"What the hell! Are you on drugs or something? Has someone cast a spell on you? First, it was werewolf king and now it's vampire king? Do you want to declare war with both kingdoms, that's why you are gathering intel? Wait a minute... you knew what happened to Claire. Where is she?"

"She is where she was supposed to be, doing her job. Unlike you and that werewolf," she scrunched her nose as if Azrian was beneath her.

Since Azrian quit she has become 'that werewolf' to the Guild's head.

"If you ask me, Azrian quit the job for a valid reason. Only you could be mad enough to order someone to spy on a king"

"I have a valid reason too, Willow. But I'm not complaining or stomping my feet like a child," she replied glaring at Willow's feet. Which case in point is doing that.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you sending us to spy on the other kingdoms?"

"Because I trust you," she seriously said with a straight face.

"Stuff it. Sprout lies to Brenda. She will gobble up not me. I want the reason. Real reason"

"Is it too hard to digest that you are special to me, for this guild?" A frown appeared between her eyes as if it's not far-fetched.

"Say that to Reagan's face. I dare you." Willow folded her arms and raised her eyebrow in challenge.

"Very well. You might have noticed they were rogues," the guild head smartly ventured on the topic instead of replying to Willow's question.

"What of them?"

"Let me finish. There is something strange about them. They are behaving more viciously. And these rogues are intelligent"

"Impossible"

"I'm afraid it's not. Someone is tinkering somewhere. These rogues are being made," she stood and covered the distance to the window in the room.

"You mean to say a rogue army?"

"I'm not sure. But the idea is not far-fetched. These rogues are smart, smarter than a normal rogue. And that's not the only problem"

"You mean to say there is more?"

"Yes. First, it was only beasts. Now another team encountered a rogue vampire that can outsmart a normal one"

"Is this the reason behind your absurd order?"

"What else could be?" She faced Willow once again, daring her to question her motive.

"You said this to Azrian and yet she refused?"

"I... I said she has to spy on the werewolf king. Nothing more"

"And you are questioning why she quit? This is the Azrian we are talking about. Why tell me if not her?"

"I saw the light or shall I say, I saw the importance of explaining than asking you to trust me blindly"

"You should have thought that sooner. Now you lost a valuable member"

"Oh, I don't think I lost. She is exactly where I want her to be, doing exactly what I want to do her"

"You are one scary woman. Why do you think spying on the vampire king will achieve anything?"

She threw me a glare for asking her these questions, well tough luck, she should have thought that before involving my team.

"Whoever is behind this, I believe they are doing it for power. And who is more powerful than a king in a kingdom?"

"People? Silly of me, this is no democracy"

Her glare intensified until Willow stopped snickering.

"Please continue," Willow requested with a straight face.

"Where was I before I was rudely disturbed? Oh yes, I want you to spy on the vampire king and report his activities. Unlike the werewolf king, this king is not bothered about the raising rogues in his area. His behavior is somewhat suspicious and I want to know what is he hiding"

"What do you think will happen if we don't catch this culprit?"

"Then I believe we will be facing an army of intelligent rogues. And these rogues are made. That means anyone can be turned rogue. No one is safe. And it is limitless."

"Fuck! Who do you think is behind this? A witch? Mage? Fae?"

"We don't know. That's why I need the intel. It might be possible any of them or all"

"Are you saying there might be more than one?"

"Yes. At least a magical being- a witch or fae or mage. And someone who holds power in their hands. Because the kings wouldn't have let this matter escalate to these heights if they are aware of it."

"Perhaps, they are using this as an excuse to eliminate the unwanted ones?"

"One is a coincidence, but two or more? I don't think so. Someone is statistically picking them. These rogues are not higher on the food chain. But this won't stay long. What happens when someone powerful is turned rogue? We would have a mutiny at our hands"

"Ah hell!"

"My point exactly"

"Wait a minute, is this where you sent Claire? To spy on a king! Which one- werewolf to Azrian, vampire to me, does that mean fae? Sorcerer? Oh my god, please don't tell me you send her to the 'other' kingdom. She is just a human. What were you thinking? If something happens to Claire-"

The Guild's head cut her threat off before she could finish.

"I know what I'm doing girl. Better than you. So, it would be better if you stop threatening me"

"Tell me you don't send her to The Other kingdom. Fuck! Even you, don't have intel on that one. Why would you send a defenseless girl to their place?"

"Claire is far from defenseless. She took the training as you and any other team member of the Guild"

"So what? She doesn't have magic. You know in the world of magic it's a handicap"

"Rest assured Willow, I didn't send her to the other kingdom. She is engaged somewhere else"

"Where?"

"I can't disclose that yet"

"Fine. Then find another scapegoat for your martyr mission. My team members and me are off-limits"

"You are not seeing the big picture here Willow. Have you considered what can happen if this situation is left like this? Someone has the power to change any supernatural to rogue. We don't know if it's with or without the supernatural's knowledge. A person with that much power in their hands, what do you think will happen? Who do you think he will go after?"

After a second of silence, the Guild's head continued,

"Power. And to get that power, first, they need to take down the defense system. The Guild is the only thing that helps all supernatural beings irrespective of their nature. And it will be on the front line. It means your fellow teams"

"I hate it when you make reasonable statements"

"Hate you must but we need you."

"Why can't you send someone else?"

"We need all the teams on the field right now. Since some of your team members are already on the mission, I decided not to look elsewhere for the remaining kings"

"Splendid."

"You will travel to vampire kingdom tomorrow"

"No. I won't"

"Haven't you heard a word I said? The Guild can be in danger. Everything we built, everything we fought for, fighting for, can be snatched from us. Are you not concerned? Don't you want to contribute to your fellow members' safety?"

"Oh, stuff it. I said I won't go to the vampire kingdom. Not that I won't help"

"Willow..."

"I don't like vampires. Nor that kingdom. You know that. Hell, I bet the whole Guild knows that. I stayed away from them for a reason. I don't want anything to do with them. Then why are you pitting me against those... those monsters?"

"You should be honored you are selected for this job"

"Oh, I'm just stoked, trust me. But I'll pass"

"Don't forget that I'm your boss"

"Yet you ask to spy on the ones who sign your paycheck. It's fine as long as the Guild benefits or nothing blemishes its reputation. This must-have irked Azrian too. That's why she quit. Wait a minute... you just said, she is where you want her to be"

Wheels turned inside Willow's brain as she scrutinized the rare blush on the Guild head's cheeks.

"The werewolf king is not a rogue. That's it. You knew. You knew that he is being framed"

"We thought as such. A were-rogue no matter how smart he is can't hide his scent or his hunger for long"

"Yet I bet you said nothing about your suspicions to Azrian. You want her to go to that kingdom at any cost. Just like you are ordering me to go to the vampire kingdom. I must give it to you, you know how to play with us without our knowledge. Genius. The masterstroke is the dirty mind games. Unfortunately, it backfired with me. I would not step foot on that kingdom even if the whole world is burning. If you really want my help, you can assign me another kingdom."

"No. The other kingdoms have been assigned to others"

Willow narrowed her eyes but didn't say anything. She carefully tucked that information into the back of her mind.

"There is no harm in assigning two people to a kingdom. I will go with the assigned one. But not the vampire kingdom"

"You need to put your grudge behind your Willow. It's not healthy"

"I said, stuff it. You asked me here to discuss the rogue issue. Not to indulge in my personal affairs"

"Your personal affairs are affecting your thinking process and your job. You are not thinking this properly"

"Neither I want to"

"Willow, please listen to me. Whatever happened in your past, it was a long time ago. Couldn't you-"

Willow turned and walked to the door without a glance at the woman seated in that chair as if the hellhounds are behind her.

"I think we are done here," Willow said over her shoulder.

Just as she was about to touch the handle, the Guild's head whispered, "I know who was behind your parents attack"

Every molecule in her body stilled. Her brain fizzled, unable to process the statement.

After a few long tense seconds or is that minutes? Willow slowly turned to face the woman who just shattered her world with a few words.

Outwardly, Willow is calm, almost numb, but inside... inside her body has gone into shutdown, shielding her heart from the pain she sure knew would follow.

She thought nothing could hurt her. She is stronger now, but no. Once again fate has landed a blow that she can't run away from.

"Bullshit. If you have known you would have gloated before or used it against me. You are saying this now just to make me do this 'job'. Don't bother. I'm not that stupid," Willow glared at the woman as she said this.

"It's the truth. I should have said something to you sooner. Nevertheless, it's not too late. I'm saying now"

Willow closed her eyes, struggling for composure.

"I don't believe you. I won't"

"Covering your ears won't make the truth any less bitter"

"Why?" A small word escaped past her lips nearly inaudible.

"Willow"

Walking back to the desk, she leaned against it, placed the flat of her palms on its top then looked at the Guild Head hard in the face, her eyes conveying the storm that was brewing inside her.

"Tell me why?" Willow asked loud and clear this time.

"Will-"

Willow swept her arm in a long arc making the things on the desk crash hard to the ground.

"Not a single word out of that mouth unless to tell me why," Willow said through her clenched jaw, anger coursing through her veins. She should have known. Should have suspected something like this from her. But just like Azrian, she is blindsided.

"Careful Willow. I'm still the Guild Head"

"You won't be if I open my mouth and tell the rest of the guild members about what conspired in this room"

The Guild's head sighed as if she was burdened with the knowledge she was carrying.

"Your threat means nothing and we both know it. Who do you think will believe? Anyways, we have enough to fight as it is. I don't want to have a fight within the guild too. The only place where we can find peace. This is our sanctuary. We have to be a United front now," she sighed and continued, "This is not how I wanted to tell you"

"Clearly. If it's left to you, you wouldn't have bothered. But I can see the circumstances that are forcing you. Tough luck. The next words you utter better be what I want to hear"

"I... We thought you are not ready to face the person"

Willow cocked her head, her posture rigid, expecting an assault at any moment.

"You mean the rest of the Guild?"

"Yes. You were shattered when you came to us. You were not in the state of mind to listen patiently. You would have attacked the person on your own if you learned the truth. Hence, we decided to keep quiet."

"Bitch!"

"Willow!" The guild head nearly bellowed but kept her voice low at the last moment.

"Who gave you the right to play God with my life? You had no right. You. had. No. Right!"

"If not for me, you would have died in your blind thirst for vengeance"

"So what? Do you expect a thank you card? Well, you can wait until the hell freezes over before it happens"

"Willow, this is not how I planned to say it"

"Yes. You want to manipulate me. Want to cajole me with your fake sympathy and make me do your bidding. News flash, I'm not a puppet to dance to your will"

"You can say whatever you want. I deserve it. But the truth is you could have died if you learned about the person. You were only a child yourself. Facing a vampire needs power, strength, and the Will to fight. I thought this was the only way to shield you, to strengthen you"

"You have a twisted way of showing it. I would have believed you a while back. Hell! I would have believed you last week too. I trusted you."

"And I broke the trust. I get it. If by hating me you could justify this, then, by all means, do that"

"Display your dramatics elsewhere. I'm no longer interested. Just tell me the name"

Willow braced herself as if a wrecking ball could launch on her any moment.

"It's the vampire king"

"You lie. Why should I believe you? What proof do you have? How can I trust you after this stunt?"

"You can't. But you have to. In all these years, have I ever led you astray? You may not believe me now, but when the time comes you will agree with me"

"Never"

"Never is too long a time. Especially for an immortal. Anyways, here is the file. It has all the details regarding your parents' murder"

Willow instead of sitting and checking the contents of the file tucked it under her arm. She needs time to read this. She is not yet ready to experience that wretched day once more.

She is not calm enough to hash out the details. All those questions since that day remained in her mind. It just included the killer's identity. Why did the vampire king kill her parents? What was so special about them? What did he need from them? All the why's are circulating in her mind but she is not ready to voice them out yet.

She has an identity. Other trivial things, she can find out later after she has cooled enough. If everything fails, she can meet the Guild head for the answers. Though, Willow doesn't want to. Not from her. She has to take everything with a grain of salt if it comes from her. But not yet. Not now. After the storm inside her dies, perhaps then.

For now, the identity will suffice. Though, she must know.

"All this time... you had the answer. I can't believe this. It's right around the corner and I never knew. Well-played. I don't get it. Why hide it? What will you gain from it?"

"You were just a 16-year-old girl. How could I tell you? I thought as a parent at that time"

"You are not and will never be my parent. My parents are dead. DEAD. And their killer is roaming free because of you"

"Willow. What would you have done if I told you anything? Would you have kept quiet? You would have become a shell of the person you are now, overcome with revenge, turning bitter from inside out. By hiding his identity, I let you grow. Let you blossom"

"What type of growth have I done in the Guild? Patrolling and killing the rogues doesn't count as growth. Turning into an assassin is not growth. 7 years. 7 years wasted. In all these years, don't you feel guilty, a small responsibility to your pupil? Haven't your conscience pricked when you looked at me and acted martyr?"

"Be that it may be, but look at you now. You are strong. Strong enough to face the vampire king now. Sometimes, we have to be dealt with a heavy hand to know the true worth of one being"

"Save your philosophy to others. Who else knows?"

"It won't do any good"

"Tell me. I deserve to know. Do my teammates know? Does Azrian know?"

"No. Not the teams. Only the higher authorities."

Willow clenched her fist. She is done with this bunch.

"Thanks for the information," she said sarcastically and waved the file.

"In case you haven't figured it out, I quit," she said the parting shot before exiting the room, banging the door on her way out.

"Well, that went as planned," thought the Guild head to herself.