Just a touch

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The tick-tock sound of dripping water coming through the windows caught my attention. I slowly opened my eyes to the rays of sunlight piercing through the window. The weather is still chilly as it just finished raining. I sighed and stretch my hand, reaching the mini drawer beside my bed. Its a Sunday morning. Time to complete this story, i said to my self as i opened the rainbow coloured dairy in my hands.

My name is Ahmad, a successful young man in my early 30s and this is my story........

Growing up in the Northern part of Nigeria where religion, culture and tradition are predominantly the order of living is a stressful life for a boy with complicated feelings like me. I live in a small town where farming and fishing activities are reigning due to the good soil of the town and the abundant river that passed through the town. Many people from different part of the country come to my village for trading and other business activities. Every household in my town are either farmers or fishers. Young boys like me only end up in the farm and young girls are married to rich men while others are sent to the city as house helps. Only a few whose families still have the idea of education are allowed to go to school. Even though i disturb my family about enrolling me in the public school in my town, my father and older siblings will scold me and call me lazy. I don't know what you gave birth to, my father said referring to my mother, boys of Ahmad's age are always seen in the farm or market,but he literally spends all of his day either at home or in that useless school you claimed you enrolled him. Calm down daddy, my mother replied, Ahmad will soon be writing his final exams and i will send him to the city, so you won't have to bother seeing him, she said. Send him to which city? My father shouted, as if the years he wasted going to that school is not enough, now you want to send him out, with whose money, he shouted again. Oh please Mr, i want my son to be educated, least you forgot, i am also a farmer and i have enough money to sponsor my child, you already have his siblings following your tracks and dancing to your tunes, let me also have Ahmad do as i wish, at least i would know that i benefit from this marriage, she said as she drop the tray of grains on her laps. My father threw away the cutlass on his hand in anger, I don't care what you want to do, but i am getting Ahmad married next year, he is already 20, i see no reason he would still be under my root extorting my hard earned money, he said and walk out of the house furiously. My mom hissed and enter her room. Oh my God, i sighed as i drop the book i was reading, this early morning fights has become a daily routine in my house. I wonder why my father is so cultured and obsessed with marriage. As if he would be the one to be married, why would he force me to do what i don't want to, i hissed as i closed the book and head out of the house.

Ahmad! Ahmad!!, I heard my friend calling my name as i was walking my road to the river. Mr Lukman has been expecting you at school yesterday but you were Absent, what happened, Mike asked as he tapped my shoulder, he was panting seriously. Oh Mike, you know my father and tradition, he forced me to attend a function at his church yesterday, he wants to get me delivered from what ever he thought was disturbing me, i said and we both bursted into laugh. Seriously Ahmad you need to give you father a break, Mike said as we continued walking to the river. Get out Mike, its easy for you, your family understands that you want to study and they allow you even though you are a dumb lazy kid, i know you are just using school to escape farm works, i said hitting his head. But look at me, i am putting all efforts into this but my father won't consider it, i added. Stop the bitter face Ahmad, it makes you look ugly and those girls will stop looking at us, Mike said paying attention to the girls walking towards us. When will you admit that you only follow me around just to talk to girls, i asked hitting his head. Will you stop hitting me already, Mike said. Well, i wish i was the one that's this handsome with brain, he added laughing. Unfortunately, you are ugly and dumb, i said and we all laughed. Hey Ahmad, the girls greeted as they were passing.

Mike engaged into a chat with them, i just stood there, nodding and smiling. That's one thing Mike is good at, Flirting with girls, he uses me for attention and take the opportunity to flirt with girls. I don't know why girls are not attractive me, no matter how hard i try, i don't feel the connection Mike always talks about. Guy, what is your problem, those girls are tripping for you but you just walked out on us, Mike said as he sits beside me on a small rock by the river side. Let me be Mike, you know that's not my way, i replied. That's your own problem, he said. So why was Mr. Lukman looking for me at school yesterday, hope all is well, i asked. Oh, that. A new teacher was sent to the school to replace our former English teacher, guess he is a copper, Mike said. So what does that has to do with me, i said. Will you allow me finish talking, Mike shouted. The teacher asked for our notes so he can see where we stopped, but you know, no one is serious as you are, he added. You are all bunches of lazy kids who are privileged to have understanding parents, i said as i stood up to leave. Where are you going to, we just got here, atleast lets wait and dive a bit, Mike said. Sorry, i remembered i had to do some chores, i said as i walk away.

I wonder why life has to be so unfair, i am working hard on this path but still, i have to suffer family drama. These kids that are not putting any effort are having it on a free platter. This is so unfair, i said to my self as i walk home.

Ahmad..... Did you just got home, i have arranged your stuffs for the week, my mother said as she handed me a bag full of food stuffs. Thank you mother, i said as i collected the bag. What is wrong with you, you seems a bit down, are you alright, she asked as she moved closer, touching my face. I am fine mother, just wondering how unfair life is, i said looking worried. Don't worry my dear, i know you are thinking why you have to suffer this family issues just because you choose a different path, but don't worry, no matter what the outcome will be, i will stand by you, she said. Now get ready, that is for 3 weeks, she said pointing at the bag with me, atleast, you will stay a long time and also start preparing for your exams, she added. Three weeks mother, i am fine with coming home weekly, i can help you on the weekend, i said. You don't have to, i am fine, here, keep this money for emergency purpose, she said handing me some money. Thank you mother, you are the best, i said as i gave her a warm hug. This is the only thing i enjoy most in this family, the connection between me and mother, she is my best friend and support all decisions i made.

I normally stays back at school for a week because of the transport expenses which my mother alone can't cover, so i was given a small room by the school beside the teachers lounge, considering how dedicated i am to studying. I parked all what i needed for 3weeks and bid mother good bye. I left the house immediately before my father returns with another bunch of drama. Reaching school, i settled and rest a bit. I came out to the field in the evening where guys normally played football. I noticed Mr. Lukman's car was still at the school's premises so i decided to go greet him. Good evening principal, i said as i entered his office. Evening Ahmad, have you resumed already, he asked. Yes sir, i did. I wasn't aware you left school early yesterday and i was also expecting you tomorrow, he said. I am sorry Sir, i had to leave unprepared because my father sent for me, and i returned today so i could cover up before Monday, i replied. Okay then, there is a new English teacher taking over next week, i want you to show him your notes and syllabus so he can continue from where you stopped, he said. And yes, he is living in the teachers lounge since no one is occupying it, you can say hi to him later, Mr Lukman said as he stood up. Okay Sir, i will do that. Okay then, see you next week. We walk out of the office together and he head to his car.

I walk back to my room and stood by the little fence facing the teachers lounge. He came out wearing a short and an armless shirt. My heart tripped seeing his well built body structure. I managed to swallow a bit as my mouth was dry. A very young and good looking guy, maybe 28yrs, with a dark skin and beared full face. I stared at him for a while as he walked out of the school. I couldn't take my eyes off him till he disappear into the air.

My heart was beating so fast. What is wrong with you Ahmad, i asked my self as i sit hopelessly on the floor.

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I managed to walk my self back to my room as i started arranging all the English notes i needed to show the teacher, I don't know why i was doing that but am sure i want to see him again. I arranged everything and went back outside to anticipate his return. I waited for a long period outside but he wasn't showing up. Where the hell has he gone to. Its already getting late and am sure the securities will lock the gates soon. I decided to go and ask the securities about him. My heart was beating fast as i walk to the securities place. Good afternoon Mallam, I said as the normal way we greeted him. Mr Ahmad, you have return already he asked , smiling at me. Yes Mallam, am back , I brought these dried fishes for you, i said handing the fish to him. Thank you very much Ahmad, he said. Umm Mallam ,the new teacher hasn't returned yet and you guys are closing the gates already, I said. Oh you mean Mr Kabir, he said he not return till tomorrow, that's why am closing gate , he replied. Oh ! He said so, but I saw him went out in short and armless shirt, he can't possibly stay long, I said. He went out again , may be that time you are in the room, he replied. Okay, good night, I said and left the place.

So he probably came back while I was in the room arranging the notes, what a bad luck, I said as I walk back to my room. I laid on my bed thinking about what ever is in my mind. What exact am I thinking, I asked my self. I closed my eyes and memories from my childhood starts flashing on my head. How we go to the river in group and play dirty games. Its a group of boys so we played everything naughty. I remember how we used to compare our manhoods, playing with each other's and sucking each other's. I know to my friends including Mike, that was just a stage, but to me, I still have those memories and I still cherish them. I don't want to believe the doubt in my head about my sexuality so I quickly opened my eyes. This little secret of mine is eating me up a great deal and I don't know what to do about it. I don't know who to confront with such in a society full of people obessessed with marriage and friends who only ship me with girls. I managed to close my eyes really hard and all I could be thinking of was Kabir . Kabir, I said out, what a nice name. I don't know how i managed to get some sleep after series of thoughts and imaginations. I heard a car parked at the school premises, its Kabir coming out of the car, guess its a friend dropping him. I quickly jumped to the bathroom and washed my face. I came out and walk hurriedly to where they were standing by the car. Good morning sir, I greeted. Morning, the friend replied. Kabir was giving me an unsure look. I am your student, staying over that room, I said, pointing at my room. Oh, you are..... Kabir said trying to recall my name. Ahmad sir, I quickly said. Okay Ahmad, can we talk later, as you can see, i just got back here, I am exhausted, he said. Okay sir, And I am Jeffery, since no one is gonna introduce me, the other guy said giving me a weird look. I am Kabir's..... Friend, he is my friend. Kabir quickly cuts him in as he was talking to me. Ahmad, you can go now, I will call you when am ready, Kabir said and walk to his room. Jeffery quickly followed him.

Why did you cut me while talking to Kabir, he shouted. Well I had to because I don't know the silly thoughts you are having in your brain. And for your information, that boy is my student, so stop all the dirty thoughts in your brain right away, Kabir shouted as he dashed into the bathroom. So is it a bad thing if i talk to your student, Jeffery yelled. Wow Jeffery, you have forgotten that I know you, yes of course, I have seen those silly looks you were giving the boy, Kabir replied. Grow up Kabir, he yelled and head out of the room. I was sitting on my little fence when I saw him walked out of the room angrily. I wonder what was going on between them. I waited the whole day for Kabir to call for me but he didn't, rather he stayed up in his room. I was worried to the extent that I became eager for the day next day. I got ready quickly and arrived school very early as usual. Good morning sir, I greeted the principal. Morning Ahmad, he replied. Have you met the new teacher? He asked. Yes Sir, I did, I replied. Okay, go ring the bell for assembly, he said. The assembly was conducted by the principal and after that, he introduced Mr Kabir as the new English teacher that will be coaching our class for our forthcoming SSCE examinations. This guy look damn good in his NYSC uniforms. I don't know why I was admiring him. All the ladies where tripping for him. They rushed to my table to borrow my notes so they could show them to him instead of me. I gave it to them to avoid suspicion but deeply inside me, I also want to have a reason to get close to him. I don't know what I had to do but I am sure I want to get close to Kabir. Good morning sir, I heard my mates greeting him as he entered the class. Morning students, who is the person that is supposed to give me his book, he asked. Julia hurriedly stood up with my notes. I am the one Sir, she said. I was told it's a boy, he replied. It's Ahmad! the whole class chorused. I collected the note from her as i stood up. Follow me, he said as he walk out of the class. I hurriedly followed him to the staffroom. So, how far have you gone, he asked as he sat on his seat. Well, we have covered almost all the syllabus, just a few remaining, and our former teacher was supposed to start coaching us for the exams before he left, I said. Okay then, we will see what to be done, you can get back to class, he said. I turned to walk away but he called. Ahmad, sorry for what you saw yesterday, he said. Its okay Sir, I replied and left. So my doubts are correct, they were actually arguing yesterday, I said to my self as i walk back to class.

Mr Kabir continued teaching us and all the girls in my class were falling for how handsome and amazing he is. They literally stop seeing me as their handsome demi-god anymore. I was getting pretty close to Kabir, he would call me to his apartment to help him with marking of the Juniors books and we would also play football together in the field after school hours and on weekends. Why do you live in the school Ahmad, he asked me one afternoon as we were sitting in the field after football. I told him about my family situation. Wow, your dad must be really harsh. So when are you returning home again, he asked. Well I will be going this weekend, its been 3 weeks already and i need to inform my mother about my exams, i replied. Wow, how time flies, its 3 weeks already and am getting attracted to this place already, he said looking at me. Let me go get a ready, my friend Jeffery would be taking me out later, he said as he walk away.

What does he mean by attracted and that look? I asked my self as I watched him walk away. He spent the night outside again. This happens when ever that friend of his takes him out. We haven't met at school the following day, guess he was absent. I arranged my clothes and was ready to leave. I was worried for not seeing him so I decided to check on him. I knocked at his door for a while before he responded. What happened Ahmad, he asked as he opened the door. He looks sleepy and exhausted. I am leaving already so I decided to say goodbye, I said. Okay then, take care of yourself, he said as he went back inside the room.

I went back home to the regular drama from my dad, he kept on ranting why I spent 3weeks at school. Are you sure you won't stay up at school till after your exams, your father might hold you back, mother said as I was helping her pick the grains. But I don't want to bother you mom, things are hard here, atleast I can help, i replied. No Ahmad, just go and study, I can manage here, she said. I have arranged enough stuffs for you, go get ready and leave before your father returns, she said. I walked to my room weeping, I don't know how to thank God for giving me such a loving mother. Even though my weekend was boring as I missed Kabir, but seeing my mother keeps me happy. I arranged all my bags in a wheelbarrow as a boy helped me pushed it to the main road.

Arriving the school, I sighted Mr Kabir playing in the field, he hurriedly came to where I am standing. He offered me a handshake, he tapped my shoulders, I missed your company Ahmad, this place was damn boring, you really tried for staying here alone, he said laughing. I know right, I replied. Let me help you with the bags, he said taking one of the bags from me. How is your family, he asked. As usual, I replied. Just hang in there, every thing will soon be fine, he said as he dropped the bag by my door. I will allow you rest, he said and turned to leave. Oh yes, he turned and said again, Come to my apartment for dinner, I have been bored, he added and left.

I was already surprised by his actions and now inviting me for dinner, I was baffled and anxious.

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I laid on my bed to rest for a bit before unpacking my stuffs. I am still thinking of why Kabir will invite me for dinner. Maybe he is lonely, I said to my self. But he has his friend, Jeffery who always come over, I said again. Or are they not in good terms since the argument? I asked my self again. I kept on thinking about it while unpacking my stuffs. 7:00pm dot, I walk to Kabir's apartment. He was cooking when I entered. The whole place was filled with the aroma of the soup he was making. Wow, I never thought you can cook sir, I said as I walk into the kitchen. Com'on Ahmad, do you think there is a student that will pass through the university without learning how to cook, he replied. Pass me that bowl of meat, he added. I hurriedly picked the bowl and passed it to him. You are really good sir, the aroma is all over the place, I said. I am sure you are not bad too, he replied. Yes, I can cook,but mostly traditional foods,all these modern foods, I said. Really, are you serious, you know Ireally love traditional food, Kabir said with excitement. Can you make vegetable soup, he asked. Yes, I can, that is literally simple, I replied. Wow, you will teach me all what you can make and I will teach you my recipes too, he said looking at me. Sure, I would like that, I replied. We arranged the food in the flask and head to the living room. So how good are you preparing for your exams, Kabir asked while we were eating. I am still reading, I felt like have almost read everything, I replied. Here, he said giving me a book, its bunch of past questions for SSCE, I am sure they will be of help, he said. Wow, I have been wanting to buy one, thank you sir, i said collecting the book from him. What do you want to study at school by the way? He asked. Computer science. I really like that, I replied. So are you good at computer, I don't think you own one, he said. Yes, but I always practice with the school's computer, and with Mr.Lukman coaching me, I am doing good, i replied. I think I can spare you mine since I don't really use it much, you can practice with it more, even on weekends like this and you can start practicing for your Jamb examinations too, he said. Thank you much sir, you are really helpful. Stop thanking me, you are a kid bro to me already, he said. But I will also use it to watch movies sometime, hope you won't mind, he asked. Of course, you are welcome to, I replied. You can join me too, he said. Okay sir, I replied. Let me help you with the dishes. You don't have to Ahmad. Oh please sir, you already help me alot, let me do this little for you too, I said, packing the plates and flasks to the kitchen. I watched everything and clean the kitchen. He was resting in the sitting room when I walked in. I stood by the door. I will be heading out sir, would you like anything else, I asked. Oh no Ahmad, just go get some rest, there would be school tomorrow, he said. Okay sir, good night, I said and walk out.

I was extremely happy visiting his room, he is really nice and caring too. I wish I can get the chance to date this guy, i said as I laid on the bed.

I went to school very early as usual the following day. Good morning Ahmad, I heard Julia greeting while I was trying to take my seat. What do you want Julia, its too early for favors, I said sitting down. Com'on Ahmad, you know me too well, just want you to help me give these chocolates to Mr. Kabir. I looked at her angrily. My heart was bitter seeing how she is ready to seduce him. Is she trying to snatch him from me, I asked my self. But he isn't mine too, I said again. Hey silly girl, Mr. Kabir is in a relationship, so take your gifts some where else, I said, rejecting the package. Hey , there you go again Ahmad, it's not a harmful gift anyway just take it, she pleaded. You know this girl won't leave this place if you didn't take this from her, just take it and we will see what to do later, Mike said. Okay, I said And collected the package. I was angry through out. These girls are really annoying, I am pissed off with the way they are looking at Kabir. They are over reacting and it annoys me seriously. I walked to his apartment in the evening to deliver the sweets Julia sent. What are these, he asked as I kept it on his table. Its from a class mate sir, those girls are madly tripping for you, I replied. Lol, he laughed. You young people has lots of courage in you, how could a girl literally send this to me, he asked. I was surprised too sir, I replied. Okay, take it,he said. Why are you giving me, I asked. Because I don't take sweets, he replied. I felt a bit relieved in my heart, atleast, he turned her down. Yes sir, it has been 2days since I returned and I haven't seen your friend Jeffery, I asked. Oh, him, he traveled, he replied. Oh, I thought as much, I said. Are you going to start studying or you will keep on asking questions, he said. Of course, I said sitting by the table. We studied for a while before he went in to bring out his system. Here, you should start studying with it, he said handing me over the system. Thank you sir, I replied as I collected it.

I am really enjoying Kabir's company, he would tutor me every day after school and we will have dinner together. Time flies and my exams are almost finishing. All thanks to Mr. Kabir, I am doing really good. All these while, Kabir has been really caring, apart from tutoring me, he would come to the exam hall to make sure I answered the questions well, he will deliver food to my room and send me practice questions. My friends would be jealous, most especially the ladies, claiming he is treating me partially. I know what I feel about him and I hope he does that too. Some times I would wonder if he is giving me signs, the way he looks and talk to me and the way he is free with me, I became confused.

So what will you do tomorrow after your last paper,he asked as we were sitting in the field. I don't know, I guess will sleep all day, I replied. You are not serious, come watch movie with me, he said. Are you sure sir. Why not, I downloaded this new movie on my phone yesterday, am sure you would like it, he said. Okay sir, I will come over after paper tomorrow, Okay, I will be expecting you then, he said. We should get going, its getting late, he said as he stood up. We walked back to our apartments and bid him good night.

I hurriedly finished up my exams the following day. I quickly walk out of the hall. Ahmad! Ahmad!! I heard Mike calling as I was rushing to my room. Where are you rushing to, he asked. I am pressed and needs to make use of the rest room, I replied. But there are toilets all over the school, he said. I prefer mine Mr Mike, I replied with a keen look , trying to leave. Wait Mr, when are you returning to the village, he asked pulling me back. Well you know I have to prepare for my Jamb examinations too, I said and dashed out. What is wrong with him, Mike asked him self as he turned and walk away.

I went straight to my room, took a shower and change into normal wears. I took the system and head to Kabir apartment. He was sitting on the sofa. Good afternoon sir, I greeted. Oh Ahmad, how was your exams, he asked. It was fine sir, I replied. Come sit with me, I have been expecting you, he said pointing at the seat next to him. I walk slowly and sit with him. He arranged the movie and we began watching. He laid on the sofa placing his head on my laps, my heart was racing already. The movie was very interesting. I liked it. After 2 hours, we were done watching the movie. I think you will be the one to cook dinner for us tonight, he said looking at me. What would you want to eat, I asked. mmmm, its been long I take swallow you know, why not pounded yam, he said. Okay Sir, I said and walk to the kitchen.

I was cooking in the kitchen when I heard him shouting. Get out of my house Jeffery, get out, he shouted. I was afraid. I quickly ran out to see what's happening. Is it because of this boy. Jeffery who was standing by the door asked pointing at me. Its none of your business if its for him or not, just leave me alone, Kabir shouted. You can't leave me now Kabir, not after what we have been through, and not for a village boy you met recently, Jeffery said. We have been through nothing Jeff, its actually I who has been through alot, for tolerating you all this while and guess what? I can't take it any further, so its over! Kabir said. You lie Kabir, you can't break up with me, I will surely come back for you, Jeffery shouted and walk out of the room. I stood numb by the kitchen door, looking at them like some kind of movie. What is actually going on, are these guys lovers or what. I couldn't believe what my ears were hearing. I slowly leaned on the wall as Kabir moved closer.

Guess you have seen and understood what just happened,he asked, tapping my shoulder!