Jakkon

The stories about my birth and the events that led up to it regularly did come around. My dad usually did the narrating, I guess this was due to his ability to paint a picture in the minds of people, he was the clan's most popular storyteller after all. Can't blame my mom for not being able to tell me these stories despite how badly I wanted to hear them from her perspective. After all, this was a woman who passed out twice on the night of my birth, yes twice, yet somehow I'm here.

She finally was able to tell me how it felt on the night I was pushed into this world, a series of remarkable events flooded her with memories of the pains, the distress, the shock, the joy that could be held onto on that night.

I now wish I never got to know. No, not because I'm now aware of the pains she felt when she birthed me. Knowledge of that wasn't pleasing either but I'm old enough to understand that certain pains are a necessity for any creature that exists in my world, especially creatures like me, like us.

The reason I now wish I never got to know his way bigger than that. Everything now makes sense, those patchy areas that even dad in his expertise in story crafting couldn't pass onto me, how could he? He tells what he sees and makes you see what he tells. It was bigger than his vision than anyone's vision.

How can a story cost a life? Before my dad died he always told me I was making silly assumptions and placing an unnecessary burden on my already filled shoulders, but I always felt it was right. It was the only explanation that made sense, It was just a cold! I could see the shock-the surge that hit as the memories came to her. I could feel her life force slowly dry out with each word she spoke. It had to be the cause of her death, there's no other explanation. Mother was a strong woman, she had faced the toughest of challenges any woman in Daneland could face. When other women lazied about she was out there working, when we all felt low she always tried to be the voice of motivation. No way some damn cold would've led to her death, it isn't possible.

My dad and eventually the clan's elders tried almost everything to make me let go, never thought I'd say this but maybe I should have done so. But thoughts, thoughts like this feel like a betrayal-a betrayal of everything I've done in the past 5 years, a betrayal of my mother's love and blatant selfishness, but what can I do? This is the closest to my limit I've ever been at. My limit? What exactly is my limit? What is this madness I'm living in? A few years ago I definitely wouldn't have thought that I could push myself this far, but can I go any further than this? Do I even have an option? Oh good heavens! Well, there is always the easiest route out, could just fucking jump down from this cave and end it all right here, that would be soothing-or not. I would be an even bigger fool than I am now if I did that, but then I would never get to feel like a fool. The burden of thinking will cease to be mine, whatever they think of me wouldn't even bother me, they can spit at my dead body, kick me and curse at my lifeless flesh and it'll do no harm to me, I think.

I was always told that there is a life after this one but I don't believe it, or I don't want to believe it. Consciousness is a burden, and I can't go through it again. They say it's nothing like the life we currently live, it's a life rid of pain and filled with pleasures, but only the brave get to see it, only those of valor get to feel it. So, I guess I'm safe, even if some stupid after-life exists I couldn't possibly make it there. I mean here I am entertaining thoughts of jumping down from a cave while a bunch of equally foolish or maybe even more foolish young men and women look up to me.

Well, I wouldn't get to feel their wrath. If I will jump over then I better exhibit a few more cowardly acts to ensure that I'll have no place in the afterlife. Can't imagine still being able to exist and watching them from wherever the fuck the afterlife is. Watching Jack, trying to calm all 10 of them down, would be quite a task given how emotionless their faces look right now, having to watch Ruth and Ase cry as they stare from way up here at my lifeless body which should be in quite a mess, I reckon Ruth would jump too, she's probably the most unstable person I know. It would kill the whole purpose of me ending my life here in what has to be the most horrible way to die.

Who even controls the afterlife? Gods they say, I don't believe in them, I don't have a single reason why I should believe they exist, and if they do they must be the dumbest beings to exist in whatever this life is. Why me? Why us? There are hundreds of families more fitting to have been given this burden that was thrown on my family. There are even hundreds of better-fitting children they could've given this burden to, not me, not fucking me! Why would they give such powers to a weak little girl, a coward? I'm not strong, I'm not brave and I'm not intimidating! What could they possibly see in me? You see, it makes no sense, there's no way a bunch of all-knowing floating creatures will pick someone like me to have the powers needed to control him, nothing good can come out of this. Everything has to be a mistake or at least everything that has happened in the past 19 years happened at random because none of this makes sense. I remember back then when I was still a little kid, there were tons of braver children. Okay, maybe it isn't about bravery, it's about intelligence but then fuck-

I- I- I still wouldn't be picked or I shouldn't have been! Daimon is the most intelligent person I've ever known, he would have been a better fit. He is so smart and it's so fucking attractive, he would've been able to think up the best way to use some fire-breathing reptile. Damn, I miss him so much, So much, so damn much. Everything was simpler with Daimon around. He somehow always knows what to say at every damn time and also when not to say anything. I wish I didn't fight it, I wish I let him love me but I was too caught up in being a mess, too damn stupid to know that no one would ever get me better than he did. It burns my soul every day that our last conversation was an argument. All he did was try to explain his feelings, and all he did was try to reach out to me. My last words to him were really "you can be so dumb sometimes," how amusing, the last thing I told the sweetest and smartest boy I've ever met was that "you can be dumb sometimes". Lord, I'm so dumb, I ask again, why me? Why me? If I had given Daimon the love he deserved and followed him when he went out he'd still be beside me, he'd still be here to comfortingly lie to me that I'm the most intelligent girl he has ever met, so I could brush it off and tell him to focus on the challenges that lay ahead. He would have found a solution to this mess I'm in, to this mess we're in.

If I could go back in time I'd treat him better, so much better. Everything that I looked into his eyes and saw him dying to embrace me I'd run into his arms and hold onto him so firmly. I'd remind him that he's a king and that despite not being the tallest, strongest, and maybe not even the bravest, he's the biggest alpha material that exists. He would've made an amazing clan chief, he always wanted to be one. He always told me of his visions and his plans which sounded so intelligent like almost every other thing he has ever said, I never took it seriously though. I never took him seriously. But then if I could go back in time would I even meet Daimon? Would any of this ever happen? I probably would've just let go when my father and the clan chiefs told me to let go. I don't know what life would've been like right now if I did so but I'm quite sure I won't be in a cave with 10 mad fellows and a gorgeous fire-breathing reptile.

That's all just a wish though, this is my reality. I'm an outcast, a hungry and sad one. I'm an outcast out for revenge, I'm an outcast on a quest to free my people. This is my reality, the life I live and the life I must complete. I can't let his death go to waste, I can't let their deaths go to waste. There's still a coward in me somewhere, but it has to hold on, I'll get enough years to live that messy life that suits me after all of these are completed.

Just not now, I must get revenge, I must free my people!

The day had started unlike any other when Melissa was born, not a single thing was out of place and even her father had agreed that the day had simply been too perfect, almost like the sweet smell of the earth after rain. That day had been a harvest and they had just gotten back to their various houses when a maiden rushed towards the group of men, eyes frantic and breaths heavy.

"You have to come with me. Your wife... she is in labour."

Lucian had barked out a laugh at this and jogged after the woman in pure excitement and joy. After how long they had waited the gods had finally blessed them with a child of their own. When they first got the news, they had both been overjoyed, nothing else could measure how they felt. Or so they had thought until now.

The baby arriving was far greater than the news of its existence. Mila had insisted and asked the seers not to ask for the child's gender. It was to be a surprise for them, one they both appreciated. Lucian got to the hut, a wide smile threatening to rip his face apart. He took a hold of Mila's hand, watching as her screams of pain got louder.

Months back before the present day, Mila had been unsure. She had expressed her fears after they had tried for so long to get a baby only to end up unsuccessful. He had been the only one there for her considering she had lost her family to the wars that broke out at random years in the past. It was only her and he had chosen to substitute for every other family member by being there for her. She hadn't known how to go about the worries until they visited the seer who told them how powerful their child would be and how much of a blessing she was going to be as well.

Just as another scream left her lips, Mila's eyes faded back and she passed out, leaving the maidens rushing around. Lucian felt a frown take over his face and he crawled closer to his wife. "What is going on? Why did she pass out?"

The maiden who had rushed to call him sighed, looking at him with pity. "We have no idea, sir. This is the first of its kind, she already passed out before we sent for you. Though we were worried, she woke up by herself, continuing to push the baby as if nothing had happened."

In an instant, Mila jolted up again, crushing Lucian's hands in hers before she let go with a final scream. The cry of the baby made the maidens relieved and they hurried to carry the baby off the bloodied sheets to clean up the blood.

"Congratulations, Lucian. You have a daughter." The older maiden greeted, patting her hand on his shoulder while he released the breath he didn't realise he was holding.

Mila looked exhausted and he couldn't find it in him to let go of her hand. Perhaps it was the fear that she was slipping away and he needed to hold her to keep her grounded and make sure she stayed awake. She smiled weakly at him and squeezed his hand with as much energy as she could muster. There was a look of pity in his eyes as he held her.

"You did it, Mila, we have a baby girl."

She shook her head in disagreement, smiling softly. "We did it."

He smiled, hugging her despite the stickiness of his body and pulling her close to him. The fear he had felt on that day was like no other and he couldn't describe just how glad he was that they were both okay.

Lucian stepped out of the house to give the women space to do the needful. He exhaled deeply, trying to make sense of the oddness of the situation. He was sure that fainting during childbirth was a bad omen and Mila had fainted twice. Yet they had a healthy baby in their arms. A beautiful girl they could call theirs.

He shook his head, deciding he was probably thinking too much into nothing. After all, what mattered most was that they were united with the one that mattered a lot to them.

"Sir... you can come back in." A young maiden said, peeking her head out of the door.

Lucian sighed and walked back in to see Mila holding the baby to her chest and cooing sweetly. She certainly looked better than she had some minutes ago, but there were still signs of her weakness. He smiled at the two and walked up to them.

He touched the cheeks of the baby, watching as she moved a little in her sleep. "What shall we name her?"

"I'm naming her after my mother, Melissa."

"Melissa Gordon... you chose right, Mila." He replied, looking at her and touching her face with adoration in his eyes. "How are you feeling now? What did the maidens say to you?"

Mila frowned, looking up at Lucian. "They didn't say anything to me. Was there something they should have mentioned to me?"

He backtracked, shaking his head with a laugh. "Don't look down, love. I didn't mean it that way. I was just wondering if they gave you the basics already."

"I already know them, silly." She replied, shoving at his side. "Our baby has refused to open her eyes though. The maidens expressed their worries about it, but she cried after she came out, right?"

This caused Lucian's face to fall again. He wondered why his case seemed to be one of rarity, one most of the maidens had never seen. It caused him pain and he couldn't tell Mila without making her worried. He knew that she was already having concerns of her own regarding the baby and whatever he said was going to make or break her morale. He looked at her face, seeing the look of desperation in her eyes. She needed answers.

"I'm sure if the maidens didn't see anything wrong, it means there's nothing wrong, love. You have to trust in yourself and the baby."

His words of assurance reached her ears and she smiled, cradling her baby further. There was something about the child that pulled them in like a magnet. Lucian felt it, even more when he carried her from Mila, her beauty scared him and he worried for the future. Her innocence too was something he suddenly wanted to protect with all his might. She was all he had along with Mila.

On a certain day, little Melissa opened her eyes to her dad. He had been cradling her in his arms just outside their house, telling her one of his many stories when he noticed them. She giggled as she did, peering up at him with silver coloured eyes. Lucian had gasped as he grabbed his nose in her little palm.

"Mila?" He called, keeping his eyes on her to make sure she didn't close them up again. They had to be the prettiest eyes he had seen. The silver had specks of blue in them that just made it seem even more ethereal. "Mila?!"

"Yes, yes, Lucian. Does she need a nappy change again?" She yelled back from inside the house, not bothering to come out.

"You need to get out here, Mila. She opened her eyes!"

Rushed footsteps sounded towards the entrance and Mila stood in front of them, breaths coming out in short pants."She did what?"

Looking down, she finally saw the open eyes and gasped in shock. She didn't realise she had reached out for her until she had her in her arms. Mila cried as she bounced little Melissa in her arms who still giggled toothlessly.

"Say it again, dad. I wanna hear it again."

At the age of 7, Melissa had grown with a curiosity that couldn't be satisfied. She looked at everything with bright eyes and the sun had nothing on her silver shining eyes. At first, everyone had avoided looking at her because of her eye colour. After birth, she hadn't opened her eyes for a good two weeks and when she finally did, everyone had to decide whether they were going to accept her for the way she or they were going to avoid her.

With their acceptance, she still grew to be one of the prettiest children in Daneland and she was fairly popular though none of the kids still approached her. She didn't mind. Melissa grew up as a carefree child, talking when she wanted and telling everyone what she believed was right and wasn't. At her age, she had gotten her definitions of a couple of things and she didn't keep them to herself. It was another reason she was known in the clan too. Everyone had happened to hear her sharing her views one way or the other and they had been confused. It was very rare for a child her age to have developed a mind of her own to make such decisions.

Lucian chuckled at her request and bounced her on his lap causing her to giggle and hide her face in his chest. "How many more times do I have to repeat the story, Mel?"

She pouted and crossed her little arms over her chest. "As many times as I ask."

Melissa demanded whatever she wanted without so much as batting an eyelid. Wherever Mila was, she was probably shaking her head at the duo. At first, she had gotten envious of the relationship between them because Melissa barely ran to her as she did as a baby. She was more attached to Lucian, but now, she understood and had come to terms with it, choosing to watch them from the side and come in when necessary. Like now.

"You know your daddy just came back from a stressful journey, why don't you let him take a break?"

"But I wanna hear the story. He promised to tell me when he got back and now he's back." She pointed at him, looking back at her mother in defiance.

Mila looked up to Lucian in defeat, worried that he wouldn't get a chance to relax with the tiny child holding onto him like a little koala. However, Lucian didn't mind, instead, he held onto Melissa and whispered, "Just this once, Mel. After this, you're going to head to bed like a good little girl, okay?"

"Okay. Promise."

He inhaled for extra effect, taking a deep breath before starting his story. "Long ago, when I was still a young farmer, I found a beautiful woman..."

Melissa paid rapt attention as he spoke, giggling whenever he added his effects. No matter how many times she heard of their meeting she couldn't get over it. After he rounded up, she hugged him, inhaling the sweet scent of cinnamon that seemed to follow him about. She whispered 'I love you' into his ears as was their habit and he whispered back before dropping her to her feet for Mila.

Mila escorted the calm child to her room, laying her on the bed and kissing her forehead. Nighttime was for Lucian and she had the day to deal with the pesky little child who wouldn't calm down with her questions. She had to agree that Lucian had a better chance of keeping with Melissa than she ever did. He heard and understood every word she said. He even went as far as to either prove her claims right or wrong. There was nothing else that could show his love for his daughter other than his willingness to do anything for her.

As she walked back into their little living room, she noticed he wasn't too happy anymore. Almost as if he had let Melissa take the bits of happiness left in his body.

"What's wrong, Lucian?" She asked, voicing her concern. "You don't look too well."

He groaned, tilting his head back in his seat. "I can't feel good with how split the clan is right now, Mila. Things are getting chaotic and I feel it's only a matter of time before it all goes down."

"But that doesn't directly affect you. Why are you letting it get to you so much?" She asked, going further to say, "I'm just glad we're past the times we used to face the wars with the dragons. Things would have been worse back then, but here we are, alive with our child. If we could make it through that, what makes you think we won't handle this just fine?"

Lucian looked away, not trusting his voice to offer the right words that would suit the words Mila said. He knew that his heart was far too fragile at that moment and he worried not for the both of them, but Melissa. The only thing he had always hoped for was for her to have a normal childhood. So far, that wasn't going well because of the tales surrounding her birth as well as the colour of her eyes. The people of Daneland weren't used to change and they showed their refusal so much.

That was also why there were issues among the clan leaders. Iroh, the current leader, had decided that it was time to expand their territory and move further out, to meet other clan members. He said it was because he wanted them to live better, in a world where they didn't fear every decision they made and were free. There had been a lot of ruckus at the meeting, the other members insisting there was no use of expansion since they had enough to fend for themselves already. The refusal caused an uproar and Lucian's worries about the brewing war didn't lessen.

"Nothing..." He finally spoke up, giving Mila a weak smile. "You're right. If we could live through those times, then we can certainly survive now."

Mila smiled too, moving to him and hugging his body against hers. She too was worried, but if Lucian could show his fear so obviously, she had to be there for him. The times in the past were enough to leave any member of Daneland traumatised for his entire life and she knew that was where Lucian's worries sprouted from. It had to be the past.

"Are you hungry? I made your favourite." Mila said, rubbing his back with her palm before stepping away.

"Ohh..." He grinned widely, following her to the kitchen and picking up a plate. Lucian wasted no time in dishing his soup and heading back to their living room. He ate so fast almost like he hadn't even realised he was hungry. The thoughts on his mind occupied him so much that he hadn't remembered to eat the whole day. A part of him wished he hadn't been present at the meeting.

Besides what he had told Mila, there had been something else. A group of the clan council had created their fraction, hellbent on causing more disorder than the clan needed. They had sent him a note, scrambling the words in a way they knew only he would understand. They had invited him to their meeting, asking for his assistance in leading a revolution. It was to be against the decision made by the clan leader. A simple opposition group.

He hadn't bought it and he knew it was certainly something else rooted deeply in what they wanted. The fact they had chosen to avoid a physical or rather a direct meeting with him to discuss what they wanted simply showed they weren't to be trusted. Whatever it was they were planning, Lucian knew it could be the doom of Daneland.

Lucian got up with a sigh, deciding there was nothing more he could do besides hope that everything went well. The last thing he wanted was for Melissa to go through the horrors of war. He loved her curious mind, her need for answers and her bravery. War was going to snatch all of that and leave her as a shell of herself, just in between the things she truly wanted. He couldn't imagine that. The thought of it wrecked him and made him weak.

He could feel Mila's eyes on him as he washed his plate out of the sink and walked outback. He kissed her head and mumbled how much he loved her as he hugged her body to himself, feeling her heartbeat speed up against his chest. After pulling away, they left for their room: Mila finding sleep almost instantly and Lucian lying awake with his thoughts.

What he knew though was that no matter what happened or whatever the opposition decided to do to the clan, he was going to keep them safe. He glanced towards Mila, reaching out to her and holding her body to his. Even if it was the last thing he did, he'd make sure they made it out of whatever madness they were planning.