JAMILLAH

The sound of a painful cry tore the silence of the night inside Jamillah's cabin when the man she's taking care of suddenly woke up in the middle of the dead night, holding his head.

"Shhh, it's okay...it's okay."

The tall woman hugged the man tightly to her chest to comfort him and patted his head gently as a way to calm him down. She also stroked his hair repeatedly like he's a spoiled child and whispered words of comfort over and over again.

Born as one of those few people gifted to see mana and freely control it, Jamillah is always on the run for her dear life to escape from the people who want to monopolize her ability and it's been ten years since she started living inside the Rosmerta Forest, alone.

There, she made her own cabin, dug her own garden, planted her own herbs, searched for her own food and lived freely from the eyes of anyone. Once in a while, she goes down to the town to buy necessities that can't be made with her own effort like fabric for her clothes and shoes and metal objects and kerosene and other medicine that she can't create with her herbs.

It was during those occasional trips when she found the man collapsed on the foot of a blackthorn tree with lots of dried blood in his torn up clothes.

She took him in her small house with the use of flight magic and cured his wounds. Blushing on the sight of nude man in front of him, she gently cleaned his wounds with a damp towel and spread ointment made from grounded marybud mixed with a small amount of nightshade on his open cuts to let it heal faster.

"Mister?," she called to him when he moaned from the pain he's feeling on his whole body but he did not answer. He's not fully awake yet to recognize the lovely woman that's treating his wounds for him.

And like that, her night passed like a battlefield. She tried her best to help him in every way she can, sacrificing her sleep to cater to the man that's burning up from high fever, constantly changing his sheets that's getting damp with sweat and smell of medicine and dripping small amounts of warm water from boiled vegetables to replenish his health.

And the winds blew farther to the west. And before she knew it, a week had gone by and it became a routine for her to take care of the injured person in her house.

She's back from weeding out her garden that morning when she's greeted by an unfamiliar sight in her bedroom. The man isn't lying on his back anymore, he's sitting like a dignified person with his face facing the opened window on his right, away from the door where Jamillah was standing. She already guessed that he'll look something like that based on how firm his muscles were when she's wiping his body, but seeing firsthand is a different case.

"Mister?," she called to him after putting down the bunch of flowers of yellow marybud on the table placed near the door.

The man looked at him and immediately, his hard gaze outside, earlier, softened when he saw Jamillah's face.

"Wife," he said and smiled. He tried to stand up from the bed and failed, which made Jamillah run to him in panic that his body can't support too much strength right now.

"Careful!," she shouted when she saw him stumble as he tried to act like he's fine.

He laughed it off and assured her that he's fine. Jamillah, on the other hand, did not buy his assurance and pushed him back to the bed, placing several pillows on his back so he'll be slightly elevated.

"Wife..." he called to him again when Jamillah's about to leave.

"I am not your wife." She sighed and massaged the bridge of her nose. "Stay still. I'll cook something for you, let's talk later and..." she paused before speaking again. "I am not your wife."

She quickly left and headed straight to her kitchen. She took a pot and started boiling rice on it to make a porridge. While waiting for the rice to cook, she chopped fresh vegetables to put in it and squeezed citrus fruits in a pitcher.

It did not take him an hour to finish preparing a healthy meal for the man. After she put the cooked porridge in a bowl, she served it to him with the refreshment she made.

"Do you like this or not?," she asked, holding the glass of juice. "I can make you a tea if you want to...it's just that I think you'll-"

"I'll take that." The man took the juice from Jamillah's hand, brushing her hand purposefully with his fingers. He drank the juice and smiled at her. "Thanks, wife."

"I told you, I am not-"

"Why can't you remember me, wife?" His face suddenly turned gloomy and sadness could be seen in his eyes. "I know that it is my fault that I left you to join the army but wife, all this time, all I have in my mind is you. I never tried to erase your existence in my heart so-"

Jamillah was caught off guard when the man suddenly turned his face to her. He's crying. Tears are falling down on his cheeks like a river.

"So why can't you remember me, wife?"

She wants to repeat her words earlier where she's saying the truth that she's not his wife. Yet that face full of longing and undying love to his cherished wife is making her feel guilty in some way. He must be a soldier who left his real wife to fight on the border. Not too long ago, she heard that the empire of Mizerania fought with Cerunos and a huge war happened near Rosmerta, that's on the border of those two forces. He must be one of the soldiers from either side.

"Why... Why are you denying me, wife? Look, I am sorry." He held Jamillah's hand tightly to his chest and tried to find the words that could convince her of his sincerity. "I love you, wife, please don't push me away."

Jamillah froze. Her conscience is telling her to pity the man in front of her and claim that she is his wife, however, her rationality is shouting and punching the logic inside her brain that lying right now won't do any good and the situation will get harder if they found his real wife.

"Wife, maybe the reason you can't remember me is because you have a memory loss."

No. It's you who has a memory loss, not me! She wanted to shout at him. And I am not your wife.

"It's okay, we can create new memories together now that I am back. I'll say my vow to you once again. Promise you all the good things that I can give to you. Take a stroll in a field full of flowers. Sleep under the-"

"I'm fine," Jamillah finally managed to say. She's blushing so hard especially when he started to kiss her hand multiple times as he enumerated those things he'll do with her to 'create new memories'. Her bashfulness makes her want to set him in fire and run away as fast as possible to hide his blushing face. Thankfully, a piece of reason is still with her and she can find a little patience within her heart. She cleared her throat and took her hand from his grasp. "If you're done, let me take the dishes to the kitchen. I have more things to do in the garden, so please just take a rest for now and-"

"I'll come with you."

"What?! No. Don't push your body to the limits."

She tried to push him back to the bed but the man grabbed her hand, making her fall into the bed with him. Gladly, she managed to support her weight with her hand before she actually crushes to the weak body of the man.

He smiled and played at the locks of Jamillah's silver hair that framed her face with his free hand. "Agni. You used to call me with my name... lovingly." he said. "And don't worry about me. I need to move from time to time so that I can gain my strength once again. Wife, don't belittle the heart of a soldier." Agni said and brushed the tip of her nose with his finger.

Locked on her position, Jamillah winced at the sudden touch. His face is so close to her that she tried so hard not to breathe so that he won't smell her breath.

"At least, let me watch you." Agni persuaded her more.

He's about to touch her face more when Jamillah agrees. "Okay, fine. Let go of my hand first and I'll guide you to the garden."

Agni chuckled at her. He can see clearly how her face turned into a tomato. "Uhm, that's fine." He let go of her hand and watched her fix her crumpled skirt.

"Just sit and watch, okay?," she said again like a mother reminding her toddler. "Don't try to do anything funny."

"Don't try to do anything funny," she reminded him once more when she helped him sit down on the bench she made all by herself years ago. After that, Jamillah started to pull out more weeds from the other plot she did not finish earlier to take the marybuds back home.

Agni watches the lady from afar while she's busy with her own job. It is a waste for her soft silver hair to be tied in a messy bun. Although that exposed her slender neck, seeing her with her hair down earlier is much better. But both things are beautiful. No, that's not it. The lady is beautiful. She's tall, a perfect height for him that's also taller than his comrades; has a small pointed nose, red lips and snowy complexion that does not sit right with her lifestyle under the cursing heat of the sun. And above all that, her blue eyes are worthy to stare at all the time. There's something magnetic and tragic about it like he's being entrapped in an endless winter yet he'll still want to die on that frigidness as long as she's beside him. It may be because of her thick lashes or the deepness of her eyes or the way she stares back at him earlier. He doesn't know.

Agni smiled at himself, praising his talent earlier when he cried and acted like he's fully drawn to his imaginary wife. The confused look on her face was priceless when he called her his wife. Well, that's not a problem at all because he's actually in love with the lady. It's love at first sight. He's half awake when the lady saw him in the forest that day. After he fled when their group was ambushed by the Cerunos bastards, his feet took him into the depths of Rosmerta Forest. Rumors say that Rosmerta Forest became the hotspot of devils and spirits that hate humans, that's why others are trying so hard to avoid it since it will lead to catastrophe. But the truth wasn't like that.

He saw it when he's suddenly lifted in the air. The catastrophe wasn't made by devils but rather, by an archmage that's living in the depths of forest. A beautiful archmage at that. He wanted to smile and thank the heavens that he still got a little bit of time to see her face before he died. At least, he can now die peacefully with love in his hand. But she's too good to let him die peacefully. She cured him, attended to everything he needed and never left him on the nights when nightmares of his friends dying one by one in front of him haunts him in his sleep.

Agni sighed. Wife. What a lovely excuse to keep her within his reach. He's not even married before yet he has the audacity to act like one. Maybe he can take this chance to live peacefully here with the lady as long as he treats her as his wife and maybe eventually admit that she is really her only person to call wife. After all, there's no more reason for him to return. His parents died of plague. He became a commander but all of his comrades died fighting in front of him. He clenched his fists and looked at the lady. She waved and smiled at him for a moment before going back to her job that made his heart flutter.

"The sun is now rising high, what do you want for lunch?," she asked him as he walked closer to him.

"Wife."

Jamillah stopped walking, hearing that word again coming from his mouth.

"Can I stay here and live happily, wife?"

She jolted in relief. "Oh, I thought you're going to say something weird. Of course you can stay as long as you want. Just promise me that you'll help me chop the woods once you get better."

Agni chuckled at her. Chop the woods? What a losing trade. He can do something like that with his eyes closed.

"But if you want to search for your wife, you can go back to the town any time and I will guide you. My name is Jamillah and I am not your wife."

Agni shook his head. "What are you talking about, you are indeed my wife. I have no wife other than you."

Jamillah laughed awkwardly as she changed the tie of her hair into a ponytail. He still doesn't get it, she thought. He's tougher to deal with than what she imagined before. Anyways, gradually, he'll realize his fault when his memories come back and find that his wife is different from her.

"Let me help you up."

"No, I'm fine. Don't worry I can manage to stand and walk now, your porridge earlier gave me strength."

Jamillah blushed at his praise and looked away to hide his cheery face.

"So what kind of weird things are you thinking I am going to say earlier, wife?" Agni teased her as he slowly walked behind her. "Perhaps you're thinking that I will wish for a kiss? Although kissing is not that bad, maybe I can settle with it only if it comes with a hug. But wife, I am not in a situation where I can hug you tightly. My wounds will reopen if I start hugging you because I don't know if I can stop myself from doing more things on you. It is fine when I am still unconscious, but I am fully aware right now. If I start touching your body, I will want more and more from you and my current body won't be able to handle the burden of extreme activities."

Jamillah ran away with her dirty hands on her cheeks that got hotter each time a phrase came out from Agni's mouth. He's insane. She already told him many times that she's not his wife but instead of admitting he got a memory loss, he's making it out like she's the one who forgot him.

Living all by herself for ten years, Jamillah built no resistance against pushy men like Agni. In short, she's vulnerable to any attack that he'll throw at him. Like that one in her bed when he nudged her nose or that time when he took her hand and kissed it repeatedly and that thing earlier when he's teasing her.

She washed her face with cold water and changed into a set of clean clothes to wash her current clothing that's full of soil and wet from sweat.

Agni that's slow on his walking finally reached the cabin. He almost bumped into Jamillah that's carrying her laundry in her hands.

"Where are you going, wife?"

"Laundry. This won't take too long. So, what do you want for lunch? I'll cook when I come back."

Agni placed his hand on top of her head. On the side of the door, he took the red hat that he saw earlier when they were leaving the cabin. He placed it on Jamillah's head, tied the ribbon under her chin and kissed the hat.

"The sun is high, don't stay too long under it and come back safe. And for lunch...any food you cook is the best, wife. Don't sweat it and just cook whatever you want."

The uncalled kindness made Jamillah shy. She wanted to say something in response but Agni already passed by her to go back to the room. Did he really think that she's his wife? His actions towards her are so natural as if he's doing it for a long time. Of course, that's what he's been calling her since earlier but is this how he treats his wife? For a moment, Jamillah felt her chest tighten.

She's jealous.

But her naivete in relationships doesn't know what jealousy is and the kind of monster it is that drags multiple relationships to their deaths.

Jamillah came back early as promised and cooked stewed meat that is made from the smoked ham he bought last week from the town. Even though he can hunt fresh meat from the forest using her ability as an archmage and get a deer, a boar, few fishes or a large bird, she can't let Agni get suspicious of her identity. Luckily, she bought smoked ham in a meatshop when she couldn't hunt for food because she needed to spend most of her time looking after the injured person.

"When are you going back to the town?" Agni asked in the middle of their meal that shocked Jamillah. She hasn't told him yet about the town or the fact that she's going down to buy some necessities.

Agni saw her bewildered expression. Without her knowledge he scanned the cabin and the things that can be found inside it when she went outside to do her laundry and from what he saw, Jamillah owns a lot of things that can't be simply found in the forest. He can only come up with the conclusion that she's going to a nearby town to buy it.

"Do you want to go back to your wife now?"

Agni moved his head a little backward and a faint smile escaped from his face. "What are you talking about, wife, aren't you my only wife?"

Jealousy. Like what is said earlier... is a monster. And Jamillah, jealous of that imaginary wife of Agni, fell into the trap laid by jealousy.

"Yeah," she said happily. "I am your only wife." She said cheerfully. "I am only acting earlier to test if you can still remember me clearly. Good thing you did not slip up. Here, eat more." And she offered him a spoonful of stew.

"Wife!"

It's been two years since Jamillah started to act the role of wife for Agni. The couple enjoyed their days inside the isolated cabin located in the depths of Rosmerta Forest and just recently, Jamillah gave birth to a son that is now six months old.

They were living happily together with Jheon, their son, whom both of them loved very much.

Jamillah welcomed Agni with Jheon in her arms. She gave him a towel to wipe out the sweat he had after hunting down their food for the day and chopping some firewoods.

"I'll be going down to the town tomorrow," Agni informed him. "I want to make Jheon a little playhouse so I need to buy some nails and hinges." After that, he took off his shirt and changed into a dried one to carry his son. "Don't worry too much. I'll be back before you know it." He took Jheon from Jamillah and kissed the child that's giggling in his arms and pecked at his wife's lips.

One thing Agni learned about his wife is that Jamillah is a huge worrywart. She's always anxious every time Jheon or him is not in front of her for too long. She even went after him when one time, a downpour happened during one of his town trips and he decided to stay for the night inside an inn. That's before she got pregnant with Jheon because when both of them confirmed Jheon's existence, they became extra careful on everything they do and to avoid his wife going after him again, Agni always does his best to come back home on time.

"Is there something that you want? I'll buy it for you tomorrow."

Jamillah pushed Agni aside and started putting the woods that he chopped on top of the fireplace to store it for the upcoming winter.

"Just buy something for Jheon."

"Is it?" Agni started again. "Don't you have any wishes aside from my body and spending the night together?"

Jamillah closed her eyes. Until now, she can't get used to Agni's way of talking.

"You're blushing," he commented when he saw Jamillah's ears turn rose in color. He bit it lightly and laughed as Jamillah held her annoyance. "Mama only wants Papa, right?," he even asked the innocent kid in a childish way.

Jheon laughed and tried to reach his papa's face, kicking on his stomach at the same time.

After organizing their firewood, Jamillah followed her husband to the fireplace and burned two more woods to intensify the fire. "The chilly air is getting colder every day, we need to prepare thicker clothes for Jheon," she said as she watched the wood burn and crackle on the fire.

"Let's do that." He catches his wife's hand and pulls her to his other side. He kissed her in the forehead and let his hand slide on the silkiness of her hair. It's a complete bliss for him. He has a wife on his right and a wonderful son on his left, a burning fireplace, warm food waiting for him everyday and a garden full of medicinal herbs. There's no war, no people wailing for help, no sharp swords that are clanging on each other, ending the life of someone. He pulled Jamillah closer to him as the view of a bloody warzone came to his mind once again. Although he's been staying with her for two years now, the image of war is etched on him like a scar that can't be removed.

"Ah...pa?" Agni looked at his son that's playing with his fingers. He smiled and kissed him too on top of his head.

"Why are you always kissing us?"

"I'm just happy," he reasoned out to his wife. A half-truth and half-lie. Despite being safe inside Romerta Forest for a long time, he can't help but think of the worst things that might come. Thinking that, one day, someone will snatch these two persons from him is driving him crazy already, what more if it really happened and just like his comrade's family, they became collateral damages from war. Even though Jamillah is an archmage, he's not sure if she'll use her ability in front of other people because until now, she's hiding this fact from him, always acting like she's nothing but a herbalist. And there's also Jheon to worry about. Their defenseless child that hasn't seen the vastness of the world yet.

"Are you hungry? I can prepare dinner now so we can sleep early."

Agni nodded and so, Jamillah stood up from her seat. He, too, moved the child to his legs so he can play with him more.

"Do you want some juice or tea?"

"Can you prepare some warm lime juice for me?" He said and smiled at her. That reminds him of the first time she asked him between the juice and tea.

After Jamillah finished preparing the dinner table, she took Jheon from Agni and sat on the chair that her husband pulled out for her. She gently blew on the soup she prepared separately for the little man and fed him with his own teaspoon.

On the other hand, Agni just sat in his place and watched them with tenderness in his eyes, resting his chin on his knuckles. What a perfect scene, he thought. Maybe they can add one or two more and the dinner table will be even lovelier.

"Don't stare at me, else your food will become cold," Jamillah scolded him.

"So is yours." Thinking of something mischievous, he tore a little meat from his portion and placed it on top of his rice just like how Jamillah does it when she's eating. He also blew at the spoon a little to decrease the hotness of the food and called for his wife. "Wife... Say ah," he said, imitating how she made Jheon eat his meals.

Surprisingly, Jamillah cooperated on his whim and ate from his spoon without any other words of protest. Before, even though she'll end up doing what he wishes, she'll still express a little protest against him. Pleased that his wife was so indulgent that night, he continued feeding her and eating on his own at the same time, sharing a single spoon until they finished the food on the table.

After that sumptuous dinner, Jamillah prepared to put Jheon into sleep and tucked him in his own crib after cleaning his body for a refreshed feeling. The sleepy child immediately fell into deep sleep after a round of lullaby and gentle taps on his legs. She's preparing the milk for the night in case the child wakes up in the middle of the night when Agni encircles his arms on her waist.

"Wife, you really don't want anything for tomorrow?," he asked her again. "Ask away anything you want and I'll give it to you."

"I answered this already, right? If you want to give something to me, then use it to buy more gifts for Jheon."

Agni clicked his tongue. "I know what I want to give to Jheon and I am providing all of it. What I want is to know if you want something."

Jamillah took Agni's arms off her body and placed the warm milk beside Jheon's bed. She slid on their own bed and covered herself with another layer of blanket. She hated it when Agni's acting was all sweet to her. She gets it that he's attentive as a husband but him being clingy means something wrong is going on inside his imagination. To set things straight, she is not even his real wife. Agni's wife is out there, somewhere, maybe freezing from cold, maybe enjoying a warm cocoa beside a fireplace, waiting for Agni to return. Her conscience is weighing her down that she can't bring herself to wish for more from him.

"Wife..." Agni called to her as he lay down beside her. "Is there something wrong?"

There is! You have a different wife to come back to!

Instead of answering, Jamillah buried her face deeper in the corner where the wall and the bed meets but Agni just cuddled her and whispered behind her ears. "Wife?"

"Don't call me wife, Agni. I have a name. It's Jamillah."

Agni was taken aback by Jamillah's sudden refusal to him. It's not the first time Jamillah told him not to call her his wife but it's been a long time since the last time it happened and he's now taking it as her silent agreement that she's his wife. "Wife-"

"Jamillah. It's Jamillah."

Frustrated, Agni broke the hug and quietly faced the roof. "Let's talk about this tomorrow. Just sleep for now. Yeah... Let's sleep," he said as he sighed.

Jamillah's tears rolled down on her cheeks. She knows so well that when his memories come back, he'll return to his original wife and there will be nothing left for her. Even Jheon. She's afraid that when he leave, he will take Jheon away with him, completely kicking out an outsider like her.

Agni felt Jamillah's trembling shoulders and heard his small sobs that she's biting down on her pillow. He wants to comfort her but it seems like a thin wall is present between him and her. Not a physical barrier but an emotional gap that can't be filled by the words of comfort and it's deeper than what he imagined.