It Should Have Been Like This

The rain poured down on me as I walked down the lonely street. It was a storm outside with lightning and thunder blasting in the sky. The lightning struck the poles and the ground occasionally, but it didn't bother me. Nothing could bother me at this point. I felt numb and cold like a void had settled in the pit of my stomach. I felt absolutely nothing, no pain, no happiness; no emotions at all. I was simply empty.

I had nothing and no one left. One minute I was happy, living in the spotlight, celebrating and swimming in love, and the next, I was homeless without a penny to my name. Alone, I wandered the streets like a hobo, my face covered to hide the shame that is me and my body enveloped in a baggy sweatshirt. I caused it, I caused everything. I should have just minded my business and stayed on my own. I should have gone the other way that night. I thought it was fate, I thought it was the heavens smiling down at me and leading me to take the wrong turn so I could meet him, but it wasn't. It was all staged. He planned it. With my own two legs and sane mind, I walked into a trap and ruined my life.

I still remembered that night, the night my car broke down in the middle of a quiet road, and how he drove past and helped me. Like that, I thought that it was destiny, but boy was I wrong. What was I thinking in the first place? Destiny? There's no such thing as destiny. If there was, my mother wouldn't have died. If there was such a thing as destiny, I wouldn't have had to live the way I did that pushed me into dating him in the first place. Destiny was trash and fate was a stupid bitch, I knew that now.

The words that came out of his mouth still reverberated in my head like a timeless alarm. Going on and on and on, haunting my dreams and my consciousness. "I don't care about that bitch, Peyton, I have proven that to you times without number. Why do you keep doubting my love for you?!" The words that made me halt on my joyful sway to his office; the furious words that made me freeze at the door. At first, I quickly thought he was acting a script but that didn't make any sense. Peyton is not an actress, but now that I think about it, they both deserve Oscar awards for their tremendous acting.

"Then why are you holding back?! You already used her to access her father's wealth, the papers are all yours. What's holding you back?! I thought you promised to give me the papers to her mother's company, so what are you still waiting for?! You already have all the documents!!!" My heart stopped when I heard that. I didn't remember giving him my father's documents, just the documents to my mother's company and telling him where my father kept his.

The world crashed on me at that moment and I remained frozen at the door, listening to the so-called love of my life speaking about how much he hated me and why he was hesitating. His reason didn't make any sense, yet it was true and I was a fool. Peyton, the woman he introduced to me as his best friend, was his lover and fiancee. And of course, I stood there in shock until she came out and found me there, still in shock. But it didn't matter, no more lying, no more pretending, they showed me their true colors.

I lost everything, my family lost everything. My stepmother died of a heart attack and the shock killed one of my half-brothers. I didn't feel pity for them but the fact that I was disowned with nothing left than the pain of heartbreak and betrayal, the agony of my perfect world collapsing on me. I was left to trek all the way to my mother's birth city and the place where she was buried, to die with her.

The storm had nothing on me, hunger shook me not, I didn't rest nor sleep, just kept walking. No starvation or storm could compare to the pain in my chest and my bones. The memories of our time together and the lies I skipped replayed in my head over and over again to fuel my decision to die. There was nothing left for me to do than leave.

A bright light shone on me, but it didn't stop me from walking like the miserable person I was. My vision was blurry, my body was weak and failing me, but I kept walking. I felt nausea all of a sudden, it hit me as fast and hard as a menstrual cramp. I doubled over and held my stomach. My breathing came out in wheezes, short breaths that almost felt like my lungs were blocked.

A loud car honking filled my ears as my thoughts completely zeroed in on nothing. A loud gong rang in my head, hitting my skull in a way that made my brain throb. The pain ended as quickly as it came because blackness was the only thing I saw and dwelled in and boy was it peaceful. I wished I had never woken up.

___

I stared at the result in my trembling hands, my heart hammering against my chest. Beads of sweat surrounded my forehead and down to my neck and chest. My stomach seemed like it was throbbing too. Tears flowed down my cheeks and fell on the test result. Someone saved me, someone picked me up from the corner of the road and took me to the hospital. I wish I died so I wouldn't have to know about this and live with the guilt, but like always, I survived. I'm always lucky when it comes to staying alive but never with daily life.

Pregnant, I was pregnant.

I could abort it, I shouldn't carry the children of the man that ruined my life, but it wasn't their fault, it was mine. I let myself get pregnant, I wanted the baby because I thought he would be there for me. It should have been like that; him and I, together, but it was not. My whole life was already upside down. I was homeless and nameless. How do I begin to care for a baby? Where do I start? There's no helping it. The child would be miserable if he or she stays alive.

Lavender's viewpoint

I scrubbed the top of the table as I hummed, scrubbing it hard to get the stains out. Some people can eat like pigs, horrible pigs. And unfortunately, it was my job to clean up after them. Okay, not exactly my job, but the person doing it before got sick so I volunteered to clean it and take her salary until she is back on her feet. I accepted the offer with open arms. The extra cash was good.

I worked in a hotel as a bartender. I used to be a hotel porter, but after I complained about the male guest always finding a way to smack my ass, I was placed in the bar. The manager liked me and didn't want me to go and that is the most luck I had since I changed my name.

"Jamila, are you still here?" Speak of the devil. I gave the table the last finishing scrub before I stood up and placed my hands on my hips. The table was spotless.

"People can eat like pigs, no, in fact, people are pigs." I sneered. He laughed from behind me before I felt his hand on my shoulder.

"Jami, the real problem is you, not the table," I turned the sneer toward him. "You are a clean freak,"

"No, I'm not,"

"Have you cleaned that table yet?" He asked, pointing at the last table, the one I hadn't cleaned.

"No, but I'm about to. I'll just-" He pulled me back before I took a step which surprised me. I looked at him over my shoulder. "What gives?"

"Jamie, that table is clean enough, leave it alone. I don't see what's wrong with it," I rolled my eyes. He knew I would never listen. You know, when I first applied to work in the hotel, I was made a cleaner. He promoted me because he got too many complaints from the customers. Apparently, I chased them out of their rooms and nagged about how dirty they were.

I did not.

"Just let me clean it,"

"What am I going to do with you, Jamila? Especially now that I'll be going on vacation? My replacement will blow a fuse with you," he said with a chuckle. I pouted because it was true. Mr. Miller was a good man. He had been working as a manager for years and he did a great job. He barely took vacations or did anything with his family until I came along and convinced him to remember his family. He still never went on vacation but he gave his family more time and finally, he was going on vacation for his marriage anniversary.

"I'm not doing anything bad,"

"Jamie, don't you have kids to return home to?" The only thing he knew that could stop me. I gasped and slipped away from him immediately. They'll be waiting for me. They didn't have a babysitter, I couldn't afford one but fortunately, I could leave them with my neighbor who loved children. Recently, however, since her daughter gave birth, she moved over to her daughter's place so my kids were alone. Well, not that it was a problem.

"Gotta go. Bye, Mr. Miller!" I screamed, already running away.

"Say hi to the boys for me," he shouted back. Always the boys, never the girls. Well, one of the girls didn't like him to begin with.

I took a cab home but made sure I got bribery ice cream and pizza for the kids. I stared out of the window with a smile, enjoying the view of the beautiful city of Las Vegas. Since my savior helped me move here after erasing my existence as requested, I have lived in Las Vegas with my children. I could never stop being grateful to that man, even if he ended up forgetting I existed. At least, he helped me find a home and gave me money to begin my life. Lavender was dead. I went by my middle name and mother's maiden name and since everyone who cared to check on me thought I committed suicide, they didn't bother searching and I liked it that way. I didn't want my past coming for me or my children.

Especially him.

The car dropped me at my apartment, the block of flats I live in with my kids. The building was poor, very poorly built, and not a good place to raise kids, but it was better than being homeless. I had too much to deal with, especially with five extra mouths to feed. Okay, six extra mouths to feed and outstanding debts.

I made my way into the building with my bags, swinging my house key in my finger as I whistled. I lived on the second floor so it wasn't that difficult to climb up the stairs. The elevator of the gray building no longer worked. It was better if it didn't work before it killed someone or some people like my stubborn daredevil children.

I took in a deep breath and straightened my smile. Seeing them always made me sad because I knew this wasn't the life they ought to live. They should be living in a mansion with people at their beck and call, toys that they won't be able to play with, proper medication, feeding, and clothes. They ought to be going to a good school, not sitting at home and waiting for me to get enough money to send them back to school. Their father was a billionaire or even more, but they were stuck in poverty with me. We ate from hand to mouth, scavenging for toys in dumpsters, wearing unsuitable clothes, and battling with poor health and debts. Because of my lack of money and procrastination, their lives were being endangered. And it hurt that they were content with what they had and living with me like that.

And the most painful part was how much they looked like their father.

I opened the door to see the second youngest standing behind the door with her winter gray eyes fixed on the door and hugging her big, patched plushie as she would always do. Since she turned three, she learned to stand behind the door with her plushie and wait for me. She barely blinked, and would never move out of the way until she saw me.

I almost died from shock and cried my eyes out for nights after I gave birth to them. I thought I was having twins, I didn't plan for quintuplets. It took me by surprise. I couldn't afford to care for five children on my own and I almost gave in to adoption, to selling them off, but I couldn't, I couldn't bear to do it. When I remembered the hours I spent bringing them into the world, the months I spent tolerating the pains and complications that came with carrying five babies, the sleepless nights I had, and the money I spent, I couldn't give them out.

So there I was, parenting them myself.

"Serene, I've told you to stop waiting at the door like a dog for me," I chuckled, looking down at her. Serenity was a sweetheart and the fourth of the quintuplets. Her personality was like the walking embodiment of a saint. She was kind to a fault and so polite it was hard for me to decide if it was a bad or s good thing. I constantly worry about her kindness, and her small, frail body and innocent face made it even harder to talk to her about her excessive kindness.

"But if I don't wait, who will?" She asked, bouncing on her feet so I could carry her. I could see that her cinnamon brown hair had been braided again, but from the poor work, I knew one of her brothers did it.

"Mother!" The third of the quint shouted. "Guys, Mom's back!" The volume of his voice woke up the youngest who had slept off on the couch. Zayne, the youngest, rubbed his eyes tiredly and yawned. When he opened his eyes, it was wet with tears and for a second, I thought he cried himself to sleep.

"Zayne, honey, I'm back. Did you cry? Did Zyaire bully you?"

"I did not!" Zyaire, the third of the quins shouted in his defense. Of course I knew he didn't do anything. Only the two eldest loved bickering, the rest didn't. Zyaire was too easygoing and playful to bully anyone, and plus, his life mission was playing games, superhero, or pretending to be a sculptor, (he was terrible at it).

"My eyes just feel itchy, Mom, I'm fine," Zayne said, still yawning. My adorable youngest wasn't as sweet as Serenity but his shyness and kindness, coupled with his face made him an angel. He wasn't much of a talker and he would never be pleased if anyone got hurt for his sake. Just like Serenity, he had my cinnamon brown hair and winter gray eyes. I would say he was the cutest among my children.

"Alright, I bought pizza!" I announced cheerfully. His eyes brightened immediately, making me laugh. He is a sucker for food and a good sleep.

Zyaire was the first to grab it and ran over to Zayne. That kid was just too energetic and well, like so, like so. He was the only one among the boys with my green eyes, but that also didn't mean he looked anything like me. None of them did, which was the most painful part. The eldest was generous enough to inherit my green eyes, skin tone and hair, but that was it. Appearance-wise, she was still her father's mini doppelganger.

"Welcome home, Mom," speak of the devil. Savia strolled into the living room drying her hands with a towel. She was coming from the kitchen and wearing a cute little apron. Heat built up in my chest like it usually did whenever I saw her in her apron. The little darling learned how to cook when she was three. She loved cooking and acting like a mother, (she calls it bossing my younger ones around). Savia was a snarky, sassy kid, and I always felt like I wasn't giving her enough room to reach her potential.

"Hello, boss lady,"

She frowned. "I'm not a bossy person, Mom," she denied as usual. Then she looks at Zyaire who was teasing Zayne by holding the pizza box away. "Zyaire, drop that box before I shove your little weeny into your nose!" She barked, making Zyaire flinch and immediately drop the box. She looked back at me and smiled sweetly. "What were we talking about again?" Yup, boss lady.

Lavender's viewpoint

"Mom, I prepared your bath for you," Savvy smiled. I nodded. "Don't worry, the others have all taken their baths but haven't brushed their teeth because as you can see," she looked at her younger siblings stuffing their faces with ice cream and pizza.

Wait, where's Zachary?

"Zachary is trying to figure out an algorithm to... what he said. Should I bring him some ice cream, Mom?"

"Sure," I turned and started walking to my room.

"How was work today?" She asked, following me into the hallway.

"It was good, very..." I stopped at their bedroom door, opened the door partly, and smiled as I saw Zachary focused on what he was doing. "Good evening, sir," Zach jolted from his seat.

Zachary was the second eldest. He was the only one among his siblings who took no single feature from me. Even his intelligence was like that of his father's, if not higher that is. He was more of the cold-hearted type to outsiders and too obsessed with drawing a line between him and everyone he finds underneath his standard. His personality wasn't like his father, I could vouch for that. I just didn't get where his personality came from. If he was raised by his father, he would have definitely been the heir.

"Mom!" He dropped his pen and ran over to me. I'm not allowed to carry him so I just let him hug my body. "Welcome home, how was work?"

"Work is as it always is, stressful. How did online classes go today?"

"As you can see, homework," I could never be more grateful to God for giving them to me. Instead of giving up when they stopped school, they made use of their old laptops and surfed the internet for daily educational videos. Zachary, Zayne, and Savia did the learning and then Savvy would teach the remaining two. It was the only way they could learn for now.

"Do you want pizza, Zach? Mom bought pizza and ice cream," Savia said with a smirk.

"And you didn't tell me sooner! Zayne would eat it all!" And with that, he ran out of the room to the small living room to fight for his share.

"Boys," we said simultaneously and shook our heads. Savvy did everything like me, and even took over my cleaning obsession... Ur, I mean, the ability to know when something needs to be cleaned because dirtiness is bad. Yes, that's it.

After bathing, I ate what was left of the pizza before taking Zayne and Serenity to my bedroom to sleep. Savvy helped me brush their teeth and change them into their pajamas. I sang them to sleep, kissed their foreheads, and went to the kitchen to feed their highly intelligent pet parrot. Personally trained by Zach.

Zach was in the kitchen, sitting on the small low kitchen island with his laptop, Perry watching what he was doing in awe while Savvy stood on a huge stool, washing the dishes. If those two weren't so helpful, I would never have been able to survive. They started taking care of their siblings before they turned four. Sometimes I wished they acted their age but it was because they didn't act their age that I was able to survive.

"Perry, I forgot to give you your own share of the snacks. Cream cracker?" He raised his head quickly and spread his white and yellow feathers.

"Ooh, ooh, can you dip it in hot cocoa? Can you? Can you?" He pleaded.

I rolled my eyes. "Eat it like this. Tomorrow, I promise to make you hot cocoa with marshmallows," I promised. He nodded in agreement. I tore the wrapper open and dropped it on the island for him to find his way. I walked to the old refrigerator to get him a glass of cold milk.

"Mom, are we still going to The Houston apartment tomorrow for game night?" Savvy asked. The Houstons were a family of four we spent every Friday with for game night. Their children were nine and eleven by age, but they were the only family we associated with. I limited the people I talked to because the fewer people knew about me, the less opportunity for them to figure out who I was.

Because of that, I dyed my hair glazed strawberry blonde and wore black eye lenses, and even dyed the kids' hair black to make it more difficult for people to spot the resemblance between my kids and the all-famous Rominic B. Verlice. They all also wore glasses they didn't need, just to make it harder.

"Definitely." I chirped, shutting the refrigerator door. Savvy sighed, the kind of sigh she normally did when she wanted to tell me something she knew wouldn't please me. "Savia, what's wrong?"

"Four things, Mom, four things," I quietly walked to the kitchen island to drop the glass and the milk while she climbed down. Zach shut his laptop to exaggerate how serious it was. This can't be good.

"Okay...?"

"Mommy, the landlord came today, and not the friendly one that has been letting us live for free," my heart skipped. I heard our old landlord sold our house. He used to let me live for free but after he sold it, he told me I would have to pay the new landlord or be kicked out. I didn't want to tell them because I thought I'd have enough time to prepare before he came.

"And he talked about the rent fee?"

"Mom, the man just kept screaming at us, not even caring if we were just kids," Zach winced, "he called you all sorts of names, really bad ones that I do not wish to repeat," What more than how I've been sleeping with the old landlord to avoid payment of rent?

"And he gave us until the end of this month to pay or he would be forced to evict us out of his property," Savvy murmured. I inhaled and nodded. Guess I don't have time then.

"How much did he scream about?"

"He claimed that he would only take a year's payment or more and the building needs renovation so-"

"The total is $26,499," my heart sank into my stomach. I didn't have that kind of money. And how can I pay that much for this rundown building? "And number two, the companies you borrowed money for Zayne's surgery, they sent people over today-" I clapped my hand over my mouth to stop myself from screaming out loud. "And Mom," Zach sniffed back his tears, "Zayne showed signs today, symptoms of relapsing. His sickness might be coming back, seriously. Mom, you have to finish his treatment before it's too late. If his sickness comes back, he could die."

"I know, but the drugs are too expensive..."

"And lastly, Mom, I think Serenity is also..."

"God, no! Don't tell me! What am I supposed to do?!" I cried. "She stopped breathing again?" I sobbed. They nodded. "How many seconds this time?"

"Enough to kill her soon enough," I slowly lowered myself to the floor to sit. Zayne and Serenity were not healthy children, especially Zayne. They had been sick since they were born and that added to my stack of debts. If they were under their father's care, things would have been better.

A few years back, Serenity was diagnosed with some kind of abnormal disease that temporarily tightened her lungs and sent pangs of pain to her chest. At first, the doctor thought it was pulmonary edema or cystic fibrosis, but it wasn't-thank God.

According to the doctor, it was an abnormal case but not severe-then. It was a sickness she would outgrow if she kept taking her medication but the problem was that I didn't have the money to keep it up. I only bought some drugs to suppress it and keep it at bay at first, but the drugs were too expensive so I stopped. The doctor kept warning me against delay, but what was I to do?

At that time, I spent everything, sold everything, and borrowed money for Zayne's surgery. He got a spinal cord disease that paralyzed him. It was an emergency surgery to prevent permanent paralysis. I spent it all but I didn't finish the treatment. He needed some drugs to completely cure him but just like Serenity's, I couldn't afford them. The doctor told me it was dangerous not to finish it, but money was a problem.

"What am I going to do now?" I cried. I can't lose them, I can't lose my two precious angels. I'd already come this far. The doctors told me when they were born that Serenity and Zayne would have very weak immune systems, that sickness would threaten their lives and might kill them but if they could successfully cross over to ten years, their system would become stronger.

One more year, just one more year to go.

Serenity's time to outgrow her breathing issue was twelve or thirteen. Still, the probability of her getting better after ten was high. "There's a way," Zach said as he dropped to the floor to sit beside me. He placed his laptop on my lap and turned the screen up so I could see. I almost had a stroke when I saw the headline.

U.S. SWEETHEART AND SINGLE BILLIONAIRE, ROMINIC B. VERLICE, COMING TO LAS VEGAS TO FINALIZE THE A.J. COLLABORATION. IS LAS VEGAS READY FOR THE HANDSOME BACHELOR?

The first thing I picked out was the single part. I never checked and never bothered to look at the magazines or watch the news about him, so I thought he was married. What happened to Peyton?

"Wait, he is coming here?!" Yes, they knew. Like I said, they were really smart and Zach was clever. He was able to see the resemblance between him and his father at five years old. Then he intentionally showed me magazines and talked about him to see my reaction. I failed. He found out and then made Savvy force the truth out of my mouth. You can never lie to Savia, she is like a truth-hunting machine.

I told them everything but made them promise to keep the truth away from their younger ones. It wasn't capable of scarring them (hopefully), because they were them, but it could break the others.

"Yes, Mom, next week. I know you don't want him to know about us, I know you would rather remain dead to him and the world, but, Mom, your children's lives depend on him. He is the only way..."

"No!"

"Mom, listen to us, you need him because no one else would help you..."

"He can reject you all or try to take you away from me through the law! I don't have any money for a lawsuit! I can't..."

"Mom, what choice do you have?!" Savvy screamed. "Serenity and Zayne could die, I don't want them to die." She burst into silent tears, same as Zach. They were kids after all.

"I will find a way to get the money but your father doesn't need to know about me or either of you. Don't try to force me, I won't listen-"

"But, Mom-"

"Enough!!!" To him I was dead, and I will remain dead. I rather watch my children die than have him find out about them and claim them. And that's final.