Inevitably Captivated

I think we can all agree that life is unexpected. Everything can change in the blink of an eye and matters can slip out of your hands faster than you can imagine; it may be faster than how your mind can process what has happened. Pretty worrying, huh? But it can also be exciting. You never know.

It's easy to say you've got it all planned because I used to say that too. I was completely wrong and naïve. I've never thought that my plan could go wrong. No matter how precise you are and how in control you may be, if something is bound to happen, it will happen- whether you like it or not.

What you plan is something and what life throws at you is something else; a completely different story that you may never have prepared yourself for. It may be better than what you've expected, but it can also be worse. Everything depends on your luck. As for me, I don't really trust my luck to be much of an optimist.

In my case, I don't really know if what I've once planned for myself was better or worse. I might have tried to fight life's plan more than once, but I have to say that I was blessed with the best days of my life. What life has thrown in my way wasn't that bad; however, I have also experienced many emotions in a short period of time; maybe more than what I've experienced in my entire life.

I tried to fight my destiny. I fought hard, but I lost the fight and honestly, I don't even know if I'm glad that I lost this fight or not. All I know is that I'm not the same. I'm a whole new person; probably a better version of myself. At least that's how I see myself now. I'm stronger, more experienced, and even wiser.

Better or worse, it doesn't really matter. There are too many things I'm not sure of and too many thoughts running through my mind, but I'm sure that I regret nothing. If I was given a time machine, I would repeat everything. Another thing I'm sure of is that I was inevitably captivated.

College started last Monday and I'm lucky to have Lisa as my roommate. She was my roommate last year and we became best friends on the first week of freshman year, so it was fun to spend the whole year with somebody I actually like. By the end of the second semester we were given reports to rate one another- a typical procedure the college dormitory administration holds here- and we both wrote that we'd like to be paired with one another again for sophomore year and here we are!

"We should start getting ready," Lisa says, looking at me from her weird position on her bed. She's lying down on her bed with her feet resting on the wall while her head is dangling. How is she not getting a headache?

"This is the fourth time I hear you say that in the last thirty minutes," I note as I continue working on the drawing I've been working on for the last two days.

"Leave your sketchpad alone and let's get ready." She adjusts herself and finally manages to sit up in a normal position.

I roll my eyes and close my sketchpad. I stand up and make my way to my closet. My eyes land on denim short dungarees and a plain white t-shirt. Deciding that they're nice enough, I take them out of the closet.

"What are you going to wear?" I ask Lisa as I move to the small dressing table we have in our dorm room to apply my makeup.

She shows me a long nude skirt with a slit that reaches her mid-thigh with a black spaghetti top and I nod in approval then I point to my outfit and wait for her opinion.

"Cute! Wear your white sneakers, not your black sandals." She gives me a nod and I agree with her. When it comes to fashion, I really trust her opinion. She has great taste.

After I finish applying makeup on, I change into my outfit then I put my white sneakers on. I style my hair into a high ponytail. Two things I love about myself: my hair because of its thickness and my eyes because of their bright hazel colour.

"I'm going to make a quick phone call until you get ready," I tell Lisa as I make my way out of the room to call my little sister. Honestly, she's not little anymore, but that's how she will always be in my eyes. I haven't called her in so long. I try to make sure that she's okay and be up to date with her. She was once living with two siblings and now she's all alone because she's the youngest. She wasn't that close to George, our brother, but she was close to me and she still is. The fact that my hometown is less than two hours away is definitely in our favour as we both tend to visit each other a lot.

"Hey, Layan." I grin as I talk to her. "How's senior life treating you?" She is a high-school senior, meaning that the age gap between us isn't big at all. Just a couple of years.

"I'd say same old same old, but actually I'm in charge of planning our prom!" she says excitedly over the phone. She is into event planning and she wants to be a famous wedding planner when she grows up; I believe that she'll rock this career! Nobody can handle a party like her in my family.

"That's great! You've wanted that since freshman year," I say as I sit on one of the benches we have outside the dorms building. Out of the three of us, Layan happens to be the one who knew what she wanted to be when she grows up ever since we were little. I remember once we went to a wedding when she was ten and she was fascinated by the decorations and how the event was planned and ever since that day, she decided that she wanted to be a wedding planner when she grows up.

As for me, I only decided that I want to be a therapist in my high-school-junior-year. I made that decision after I saw the progress one of my best friends achieved after visiting a therapist; she suffered from depression after the death of her cousin. They were close and the two of them were in a car accident. My best friend was the survivor.

As for my brother, I think he didn't care much about his major in college. He was more focused on football and he just went with the flow and chose economics. He had a bright future in playing football, but his injury hindered his ambition. He is now working in a big company as an accountant and I'd like to think that he is content with his life.

"Yes! I'm so happy! We're supposed to settle on the theme in two weeks. I want the vote to be in favour of the Great Gatsby theme," she says, and I can sense the eagerness in her voice.

"What are the other suggested themes?" I ask. I'm really interested in this conversation and not faking it. I love it when my younger sister shares her interests with me.

"Well, we have Vegas night and Mullin Rouge. Some people suggested Indian themed prom, but I refused to put it in the suggestions. You know, cultural appropriation and all," she explains to me.

"Good move, but did you explain to them the reason behind your refusal?"

"Definitely! You know me, I always give reasons." I nod in approval on hearing that. This girl is definitely going places. She has great convincing skills and knows how to handle problems like the boss she is.

"I'm one hell of a proud sister!" I grin as I say that, earning a little laugh from her. On spotting Lisa walking out of the building, I tell my sister that I'm going to call her later and hang up. I stand up and adjust my dungarees as Lisa approaches me.

"Layan?" she asks, and I nod with a little hum. "Next time tell her I said hi!" she tells me.

"You sure Owen said it's okay to bring a friend? I don't want to intrude." I have probably asked her that question before, but I can't help it. I don't want to be the extra unwanted person in the gathering. I didn't make a lot of friends during my freshman year; just Lisa and her boyfriend along with another girl called Luna from one of my classes. Lisa seems to be determined this year to widen my circle of friends and honestly, I don't really mind. I'm not an introvert, I'm just unlucky when it comes to my choices regarding people.

"I swear, yes!" Lisa exclaims as we make our way to her car. I need to buy a car soon. I have been saving for a year and I'm close to the amount I want to collect. I work as a waitress in a seven-star-restaurant; it's a part-time job, but the clients there are generous tippers. My parents send me money every month and this helps a lot. Even my brother sends me a hundred dollars and sometimes even two hundred dollars every once in a while, so all of this works in my favour.

"Plus, maybe you can meet your future boyfriend at that barbecue party." Lisa smirks as she wiggles her eyebrows playfully at me, causing me to roll my eyes at her. She knows quite well that I don't date, yet she is desperate to find me a boyfriend. She cares about the matter more than I do.

"Like that would ever happen." I scoff as I connect the aux cord with my phone to play some music.

"I just can't understand why you hate the idea of dating so much!" She whines. "It's not that bad. Actually, it's not bad at all in my case."

"It's not about dating being a bad thing. It's about commitment, you know I'm not a fan of commitments." I shrug, looking at my friend. Lisa was a beauty queen walking on earth. Her Korean baby face is to die for and her honey-brown hair suits her features. She is a lot shorter than me, considering the fact that I'm 5'7 and she's 5'4, but even her height fits her.

"Which is weird. Like I don't see you messing around or doing anything that demands freedom, yet here you are, afraid of commitments for no apparent reason." She sighs, failing to understand my fear as usual.

"So, let's imagine for a moment that you don't have this fear and you're ready to embark on the dating world. Which type would you be attracted to?" she wonders, giving me a side glance before giving her full attention to the road again.

I stay silent for a moment, trying to think about my type. Regarding looks, I think I don't have a type. "I think I'm sapiosexual," I finally reply.

"Typical you." She rolls her eyes at me with a slight giggle.

Yes, that's me. I get turned on by intelligent people. I love intelligence and I appreciate it. I just can't see myself holding a conversation with a moron. Even if a miracle happened and I started dating, I'd love my partner to be smart. I would want somebody with whom I can have deep conversations. Somebody who wouldn't make me feel like I'm an alien on this planet.

I do like having fun, partying, and doing stupid stuff from time to time, but that's the side of me that anyone can see. There's this part of me that loves stargazing and thinking about the universe as a whole. There's a part of me that tends to analyze what's going on around me; I'm the type of person who tends to take a shitload of mental notes about everyone and everything. Maybe my major affects me in some way. Clinical psychology makes you think about everything around you. You don't just look at the superficial part of the matter, you tend to analyze and go deeper. You don't accept things the way they are because you become a believer that everything happens for a reason and you often find yourself hunting for that reason.

"And we're here!" Lisa's excitement pulls me out of my thoughts as she parks her car in front of a grey and white house. It's a place that belongs to one of Owen's best friends and I certainly forgot his name. I'm bad with names.

We both get out of the car and walk to the white front door. Lisa rings the doorbell and we wait for somebody to open the door for us.

"How do I look?" she asks me.

"You look gorgeous." I smile at her. "As always, Owen won't be keeping his hands to himself." I smirk at her, making her laugh.

Somebody finally opens the door for us, and I find myself looking at a green-eyed tall guy with dark brown hair. "Hey, Lisa." He smiles widely at her, meaning that they know each other. "Hey..." He looks at me, realizing that he doesn't know me.

Taleen."

"Welcome to my humble place, Taleen." He gives me a welcoming smile, stepping aside for us to enter. "It's my first time to see you around, are you a new friend of Lisa's?" he wonders as he walks with us to probably the backyard.

"No, you just haven't seen me around." I shrug, looking at him for a second before looking away.

"Must have been out of my bad luck then." I hear him and mentally grimace. It's obvious that he's a flirt and I don't put up with flirts. I totally ignore what he says, and step into the backyard only to be met with the bright sunlight.

"You finally decided to join us for once," Owen hollers on seeing me, making me laugh a little. Everyone looks at Lisa and me and it's apparent that Owen means me, because Lisa always shows up.

"And probably the last time," I mumble as I give him a quick hug, which is normal between the two of us. He is like a brother to me.

"Why?" he asks as his arm makes its way around Lisa's waist and kisses her lips.

"Your friend here is a flirt," I say, motioning with my head to the guy who opened the door to us. He is currently having a laugh with two other guys as they fan the pieces of meat on the grill. Lisa takes me and introduces me to the people in the backyard. There are four boys-including Owen and the flirt- and three girls. They all seem nice.

"Josh? Yeah, he is, but he's a nice guy," Owen says.

"None of my business anyway," I tell him, and Lisa shakes her head in disapproval.

"Let me make it your business then," Lisa offers with a coy smile.

"I just love how wild your imagination is." I chuckle, folding my arms. "Tell you what? I'll leave you to plan how you're going to make me like him and I'll get myself some water. The heat is unbearable. Do you want something?" I ask them.

After letting me know that they want beer, I make my way inside and look for the kitchen. I find it quickly and I open the fridge to get myself the water and to get them the beer. My eyes land on a Redbull can and I debate whether I should take it or not. I leave it in its place in the fridge since I'm not at my house to take whatever I want and I close the fridge. I gasp, jumping back upon seeing Josh in front of me. The door of the fridge was keeping him hidden, so when I closed it, he came into my sight.

"Jesus! Do you want to give me a heart attack?" I hiss, making him laugh a little at me.

"Sorry. I definitely didn't mean to scare you like that." Josh raises his hands in surrender. "Can you get me a beer, please?" he nicely asks since the door is in my direction. I give him one of the two beers I have in my hand and I open the fridge again to get another one.

"Let me open it for you." He takes the three bottles with one hand easily then gives me back one bottle, but I shake my head.

"It's not for me," I inform him.

"Why don't you get yourself something to drink? You've loads of options in there other than water," he points to the fridge. I open it for the third time and my eyes land on the Redbull can again. Why was I terribly craving it?

"Can I have the Redbull? There's only one can and I don't know if it belongs to someone else or not," I tell him.

"Go ahead. Take whatever you want."

"Thank you." I smile at him, taking it.

"Taleen, right?" he asks, and I nod. "It's my first time to hear that name," he tells me.

"I'm half Lebanese, half American. My mum chose a Lebanese name for me. Actually, it's not a Lebanese name. It's a Greek one, but it's quite common in Lebanon." I explain, feeling myself rambling a little.

"So, what does it mean?" he asks.

"I searched once and I found that it means beautiful girl," I say with slight embarrassment. I'm basically calling myself beautiful.

"Couldn't agree more," he comments, and I can't help but giggle.

"Quite smooth," I point out. "Are you always a flirt? I mean, I've been here for less than fifteen minutes and you flirted with me twice."

"What can I say? I'm a man that appreciates beauty," he says as a matter of fact.

"I think we should head back outside." I try to end his flirting session and move away from the fridge.

"Can you get me the barbecue sauce bottle from behind you? I originally came here to get it." He points to the bottle behind my back. I grab it and hand it to him then I take the Redbull can along with the two beer bottles. It's good to hear that his original intention wasn't to stalk me.

I hand Owen and Lisa their beer and notice how Lisa's eyeing me. "What?" I frown, tilting my head.

"Josh was inside with you." Lisa grins and I sigh out, trying to hide my annoyance. "Sorry! I know I'm pushing, but I just want to see you happy." For a reason I'm oblivious to, Lisa tends to link my happiness to my relationship status.

"Who says I'm not? I'm perfectly fine, Lisa!" I exclaim. I think my voice is a bit loud because all the attention is suddenly on us.

"Sorry, sorry. I won't talk about this again. Look, let's take some pictures!" Lisa tries to distract me by pulling me with her. "Owen, can you take some pictures of us?" Lisa asks him nicely and he agrees.

After taking millions of pictures with one another and even alone, Lisa and I decide that we've had enough. We walk to where the grill is and we both start helping a bit. We all made plates for ourselves and we sat on the big round wooden table that is in the backyard.

"So Taleen, since you're the new one in the group here, why don't you tell us about yourself?" a girl named Amanda says, looking at me.

"I'm bad at talking about myself. You can ask me whatever you want, and I'll gladly answer," I reply with a smile on my face.

"Your name's unique, what does it mean?" Daniel, a black guy, who seems like an athlete, asks me. His body is just great.

"It's a Greek name that means beautiful girl," I answer him.

"Are you Greek?" Amanda wonders and I shake my head.

"No, I'm half American, half Lebanese," I reply, knowing my answer will trigger more questions.

"You immigrated?" Josh asks and I shook my head.

"I was born here. My mum's family moved here when she was fifteen. She met my dad in college. They fell in love and they got married. I was born here, but I did visit Lebanon more than once. I think five times," I tell them more about my family and myself.

"So, you speak Lebanese?" a girl named Bonnie asks me and I can't help but laugh a little at her question.

"Sorry, but Lebanese isn't a language. It's a nationality; however, I do speak Arabic." I explain to her and she nods.

"Excuse my ignorance." She laughed a little.

"I know you probably get asked to do this a lot, but can you say something in Arabic right now?" the third girl, Ella, requests.

I stay silent for a bit, trying to think about something to say. "Shaklek helw ktir el youm," I tell her.

"Did you insult her or something?" Owen jokes and Lisa playfully shoves him.

"She probably complimented her," Josh says, and I nod.

"I did, I said 'you look very nice today.'"

"Thank you!" Ella gushes.

As we eat, we all chat together and I must admit, this group is really nice and welcoming. They know how to put you at ease and include you in the conversation.

"Do you have a boyfriend, Taleen?" Ryan wonders, making Daniel chuckle beside him.

"Are you checking if you've got a chance or not?" Daniel teases his friend.

"I don't. I don't really date," I tell them. He gives me a look of confusion and I shrug. "What? Haven't you heard about that before?"

"My first time hearing this from a girl," Josh says.

"I'm here to break stereotypes." I grin and shove a forkful of grilled meat in my mouth. Although I'm not looking, I can feel a pair of eyes staring at me and I do my best to ignore them. It's not rocket science to know on my own that Josh is the one eyeing me. I'm like a mystery to him, but I'm not a mystery. I'm way simpler than he can imagine. I just don't date.

That's what usually happens when I say that I don't date; as if girls aren't allowed not to date by choice.

After we finished eating, we took the dishes inside. Lisa and Owen load them into the dishwasher, and I search for the bathroom to wash my hands. After that, I walk back to the backyard where I see Amanda, Ella, and Bonnie taking pictures.

"Come join us!" Ella shouts for me. I smile and walk over to them. After just five minutes, we ended up with more than fifty pictures on Ella's phone.

"Seriously girl! You have great skills!" Bonnie compliments my photography skills.

"Thank you!" I tell her as I look at some of the pictures on her phone.

"Ella, this one is great. You can post it on your Instagram. I bet if Taleen took some pictures of you in different places with different outfits, your Instagram account would grow!" Amanda says and I notice Ella sending her a glare. "What!?" She shrugs.

"Are you an Instagram model or something?" I ask her.

"An aspiring one. I actually want to be a model, not just an Instagram model, but it's hard to join this industry, so I'm trying to pave my way through social media." Ella blushes and looks down for a moment. She looks embarrassed.

"Why do you seem so shy about that?" I question her. It's easy to guess from her body language that she's nervous.

"People usually think I'm empty-headed for wanting that. I'm actually not stupid or empty-headed at all. I'm majoring in computer science and I've pretty good grades, I don't think I should be classified stupid for wanting to be a model." Now, she's all defensive and this is enough to prove that this girl has been prone to a huge amount of criticism; more than she can handle.

"Nobody said you're stupid. Nothing is wrong with wanting to be a model. People are just assholes. As time goes by, you'll learn how to ignore them." I try to soothe her outraged emotions with nice words. I just hate how people can perfect the art of bringing others down. What do they gain from doing that? Why do they find pleasure in belittling others' dreams?

"Thank you. Do you have an iPhone? I can send your pictures to you by airdrop if you want." Ella offers and I nod, taking out my iPhone X from my back pocket. I can tell that she wanted to change the topic. She isn't comfortable enough with talking about it with me, probably because I'm still a stranger to her; she has the right to be uncomfortable.

Just as I'm unlocking my phone and turning on my airdrop, I feel something smack me hard in the face, making me stumble back. I find myself quickly losing my balance and suddenly, my whole body falls back in the pool that I was once standing by.