In Search of Redemption

In Search of Redemption

By Kristen Meseres

Revised Edition

"The Beginning"

"What should I do?"

"Ask?"

"How?"

"Lord, show me the way?"

"Is the Great King of Kings listening to me?"

"Is He attentive to my pleas?"

"I don't hear His answer."

"In the emptiness of my life..."

"The more I ask..."

"The more I feel alone."

"Alone on this journey."

"But I know He is there."

"He is Sovereign."

"Perhaps this is each person's mission."

"To unravel the mystery on our own."

"To understand that we must be submissive to what cannot be changed."

"But I wonder."

"Then why does my spirit rebel so strongly against giving up my dreams?"

"Or is it just my fleshly nature screaming to rebel within me?"

"How can I tell the difference?"

"What is the will of the flesh?"

"What is the will of the spirit?"

"Can they remain separate?"

"Can they remain divided?"

"Are there answers?"

"Is there help?"

"My doubts do not nullify my one certainty."

"Jesus died on a cross to save us. He was the Lamb who voluntarily sacrificed Himself to save the Chosen Ones."

"Jesus rose from the dead. Jesus lives."

Chapter 1: Who Am I

He got into the car and watched her while he waited for his brothers to say goodbye to a few people.

She was leaning against a lamppost, admiring his blond, curly hair and thinking about how much he resembled the image she had of an angel. Besides that, he had the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen in her entire life. Expressive, large green eyes that looked at her with an intense glow. She was puzzled. It seemed like the gaze of someone in love. But could he love her? A stranger? She looked again. The gaze was unmistakable. It sparked with passion. An immense tenderness washed over her, and she felt as if she had already been in his arms, kissed those full lips, and heard vows of love in his husky, sensual voice. She even got goosebumps from the sensation.

They continued to stare at each other for a long time-long enough for her to realize that her lips were smiling involuntarily at him. He didn't smile back. He simply looked back at her. Deep down in her mind, she knew he was saying goodbye to her with his eyes. He let his gaze convey the farewell that his lips were unable to utter.

But she wasn't sad and kept smiling at him. Even today, she still can't find the words to do justice to what she felt in that moment. But she kept trying. A deep love that seemed to have always existed between them. An eternal emotion, a love that embraces absence. A love that doesn't fade with time. A love that didn't turn to dust.

It was an emotion of eternity. She didn't know how, but from the depths of her soul sprang the certainty that he felt the same way about her. There wasn't even the slightest doubt about it. And the strangest thing was that she had never seen him in her entire life, and yet it was as if they had known each other for a very long time. It was as if they could communicate through their eyes, without needing words to express their feelings. There was something connecting them through their eyes, but it wasn't like telepathy-it was something much greater. There was an invisible force uniting them, even when they weren't together, and without needing to say a single word, they knew what the other was feeling. And at that moment, he told her how well he knew her and that he had followed her every step throughout her life. He said he had rejoiced in her victories and comforted her in her sorrows.

Suddenly, she realized she was dreaming, and along with that certainty came a feeling of emptiness and loss. She still had time to look at him and say goodbye with her eyes, and he looked at her differently now. There was a mischievous glint in that gaze-something that made her certain they would meet again soon, but her heart warned her that this wouldn't be a good thing. It wouldn't be the way she wanted it to be. A bad premonition took hold of her and pierced her chest like a knife, and when she brought her hand to her chest to feel it, she woke up and opened her eyes, and her first sight was of a very clear sky with clouds that seemed close enough to touch if she just raised her hand.

***

It took her a few seconds to realize she was lying on a smooth floor that seemed to be covered by a layer of blue dust, but which was actually a mist covering the entire floor as far as she could see from where she was.

She got up absentmindedly, brushed the imaginary dust off her clothes, and began to walk. She wanted to get home quickly, and it was that thought that made her stop. Home? An intense sense of dread gripped her, forcing her to question herself, rationalize, and admit that she didn't know where she was-and worse... She didn't know if she really had anywhere to go. She didn't know if she really had a home. God! She didn't even know who she was!

She looked around, searching for something familiar, but nothing in that strange setting spoke to her. There were two distinct places, separated by an invisible straight line. She was standing on ground shrouded in mist, but on the other side was a wooded area where the ground was covered with grass.

All she saw and noticed were the beautiful bushes adorned with exotic flowers and the trees beyond them, laden with fruits of colors and shapes she'd never seen before-and this only intensified her sense of confusion.

None of this answered her questions or gave her any clue as to where she was, but she figured it was safer to cross over to the grassy side than to stay in that fog.

As soon as she stepped onto the soft grass, she felt a little relieved. It was a familiar setting-or at least closer to what she knew.

She saw a few people among the bushes. It looked like some kind of family gathering was taking place there, and then she returned to the spot where she had been lying, and her thoughts haunted her with their unsettling questions.

Why was she there, sleeping on the ground? Was she one of those people who didn't have a home, a family, or a roof over her head? Was she one of those people who sleep on sidewalks and under bridges?

No! Something told her that she did indeed have a family, a home, people who truly cared about her. But... Then why was she there, alone and helpless? Why couldn't she remember?

She heard voices and approached slowly, watching from behind one of the bushes. Even though she was hidden, she believed it was impossible that those people hadn't noticed her presence at some point. And then she realized just how strange everything there was. Was she invisible to those people? She pinched herself and felt her skin sting. It definitely wasn't a dream. She was living through this, and she hoped it wouldn't turn out to be her nightmare.

She decided to approach a woman who was sitting on a white bench, adorned with relief carvings in the shape of planets. The woman was absentmindedly watching some children playing in a natural pool. She furrowed her brow as she followed the direction of the woman's gaze. The pool's waters flowed from beautiful rocks that formed a small waterfall encircling the entire pool, and in the center of the pool was something resembling a stem, from which pink-colored water flowed down, and the children were drinking from it. One of the children caught her attention.

It was a girl with long black hair, and although she knew she had never seen her before, she was struck by the feeling that she knew her. She sensed that they shared some kind of connection. A bond.

These thoughts were replaced by her outrage. There were no attentive adults watching over those children in the pool, and that could be dangerous. Some child might not know how to swim. Or might feel sick, and it was absurd that there wasn't at least one responsible adult to rescue them from a possible drowning. And the few people around-like that woman sitting calmly on the bench-didn't seem concerned about a potential accident. She decided that as soon as she found out who she was and her life returned to normal, she would file a complaint with the city government asking for more security in that area and a ban on unaccompanied children entering the water. And if necessary, she would organize a rebellion. But that would have to wait. The most important thing now was to figure out where she was and understand what was happening to her.

Her eyes turned to the woman who was sitting there. Now, up close, she was surprised to realize that despite her gray hair, the woman had a young and beautiful face.

"Please..."

The moment she spoke, the woman turned and seemed to notice her presence only then.

"Yes, my dear. Sit here beside me." She invited her with a friendly smile, moving aside to make room for her.

She took a deep breath and obeyed in silence. She intended to introduce herself, but remembered just in time that she didn't know her own name, and as strange as it was, that thought made her smile sarcastically for a split second.

"Could you tell me what city we're in?"

"City?" She seemed confused by the question.

"Don't be alarmed. It's just that I think... I've lost my memory," she said, explaining herself.

"No, my dear. I'm not alarmed, but your question surprised me. Don't you know we're not in a city?"

"How can we not be in a city? Even if this is some kind of exotic park, it would still have to belong to a city. Every place in the world belongs to a city."

She saw a glimmer of understanding flash in the woman's eyes, and then her gaze became dull, impersonal, yet still compassionate.

"So, you still don't know..." The woman murmured sadly, and before the young woman could ask another question, the woman continued. "Do you see that man talking to a young redhead?"

She followed the direction the woman was pointing and saw the people she was referring to. It was an older man, also gray-haired, who stood out for his warm smile. She immediately took a liking to him.

"Who is he?" she asked without turning to face the woman.

"Go to him, my child. He is the man who can help you."

She stood up and, thanking the woman with a smile, headed toward the gray-haired man, but as she walked, a doubt began to gnaw at her mind. That woman had referred to him as "the man who could help her," and that raised a suspicion in her heart. Was she part of some experiment? Could that place be the hideout of some cult? Could her inability to remember anything have been caused by brainwashing? These questions alone explained some of the oddities she had observed.

She explained that she might be trapped in a cult. She explained that she couldn't remember anything. She described the surroundings, which seemed natural yet strange-everything about that place, like the fog and the ground she'd been lying on when she woke up. The perfection of the pool where the children played carefree, that soft grass that seemed to fill every little bit of that ground, and the trees bearing fruits of colors and shapes she'd never seen before in her entire life. For a moment, she wondered what would happen if she picked one of those fruits and tasted it. Would they be made of plastic, like a movie set, or would they have flavors she'd never tasted before? What she was certain of was that everything there was too perfect to be real.

She took a deep breath, asking God for guidance. All she could think was that she shouldn't make any rash decisions.

When she approached the gray-haired man, she realized that the young woman was speaking a different language with him. Strange. The young woman with hair as red as fire seemed to be her age, and that was a comfort, since having someone who probably shared her views was reassuring.

The two were so engrossed in their conversation that they didn't notice her presence right away.

Suddenly, the young woman, who had her back to her, turned around, and when she looked her in the eyes-after just a millisecond-her expression changed, and she took on a hostile demeanor and a hard stare.

She shrugged. She couldn't care less about other women's hostility. She'd dealt with this situation her whole life. Countless times, various women had given her that look because of her appearance. She was beautiful, and she knew it. Men were drawn to everything about her. It didn't matter if they were young, old, handsome, ugly, poor, rich, single, or married. All men desired her.

However, she looked away and found herself distracted, watching-unable to look away-the trails of water droplets escaping from the pool. Wherever they fell, new tree shoots sprouted, and it was something both magnificent and frightening at the same time.

Just as she was thinking of stepping closer to examine that mystery more closely, she felt a hand on her shoulder. Turning around, she saw the gray-haired man smiling gently at her, and everything she had just seen vanished from her mind.

She looked around, following an irrational instinct.

"You're still going to meet her. I believe you two have a lot to talk about, but this is certainly not the right time for that conversation."

She turned, looking astonished at that man with his soft, calm, and slightly drawling voice. But it wasn't his voice that startled her. It was his words, for she truly felt a strong desire to see that young woman again-even if it was a fleeting thought, almost unconscious, like the blink of an eye-and that man seemed to read that wild desire.

"Who is she?" The question slipped out before she could stop herself. In truth, knowing who that young woman was didn't matter. Her situation at that moment was far more urgent.

"Her name is Giovanna and..."

"Oh, yes!" She interrupted as if the young woman's unfamiliar name explained everything, but in truth, she wanted to erase everything from her mind except what had led her to that man. "I think you can help me."

"Of course! I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke up. I was handling an emergency and couldn't make it in time. Come on! Let's sit down and talk for a bit." He said, pointing to a bench just like the one the woman was sitting on, which was very close to where they were standing.

"If you don't mind, I don't want to sit down. I'm sorry if I'm being a bother, but I just want to know where I am and what I'm doing here."

He looked pensive, and she noticed that his eyes were violet. A strange color, but one she now realized the gray-haired woman's eyes also possessed.

"Let's take it easy, okay? You'll have answers to all your most pressing questions in a moment."

"Who are you?" she asked suspiciously. Now she thought she must have been abducted if that man wasn't wearing contact lenses.

He slapped his forehead.

"Whoa! I'm sorry for that slip-up. I completely forgot to introduce myself. My name is Anthony. I'm in charge of welcoming all the Chosen ones as soon as they wake up here. I'm the one who helps with their initial questions."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Anthony. If I knew, I could tell you my name as good manners dictate, but I don't remember it. However, I don't think that's important right now. And since you said you're here to help me with some questions, could you start by telling me what kind of place this is and how to get out of here?"

He looked at her as if he could read her deepest thoughts and sighed before answering.

"To get out of here, you need to go through a complicated and delicate process, and... the time isn't right yet for that revelation. However, I can welcome you to our Colony and thus answer one of your questions."

"Colony? All right. But where exactly is that? Asia, Europe, America..."

He laughed.

"Come on, let's sit down." He repeated the invitation.

"I'm not sitting down!" she shouted wildly. "I just want to get out of here! Why don't you just tell me what kind of place this is? What kind of sick game are you playing? Why all the suspense just to answer a simple question?"

"If you don't sit down and calm down, it'll be hard to help you. Nothing I say while you're upset will get through the veil over your eyes and make you understand. Your situation is very delicate. Look at the state you're in!"

She stared into those violet eyes, trying to make sense of his words. Something that would help her understand, but everything he said seemed incoherent, unfocused...

She decided to sit down in silence, and he joined her. She could feel an infinite kindness flowing from that man. It was something that radiated so strongly it was almost palpable. And at the same time, there was a sadness. He was sad for her. He was feeling compassion. Did he know her? How could he know things about a stranger's life? As she thought about it, she remembered something that unsettled her soul, and she turned to him.

"Am I sick?"

He looked at her for a few seconds before looking away and staring at some point in front of him, then replied in a very serious voice.

"No. You're not sick, and you'll probably never be sick again."

She was taken aback by that answer. Of all the things she'd expected to hear... That answer was so unexpected and incoherent that she began to laugh. And she laughed until tears welled up in her eyes. When she managed to stop, she accepted the handkerchief he gently held out to her, without seeming offended by her outburst of hysteria.

"What are you trying to convince me of?" she asked as she wiped away her tears.

"You don't need to be convinced of anything. You just need to accept it. In everything you know about life, deep down in your mind, you have all the answers. You know it. However, it's normal and understandable that you view the truth as a dream and what you're experiencing now as a nightmare. That's the first reaction of almost everyone who comes here."

"I don't know what you're talking about! Why don't you try to be clearer?"

"I am trying. But the truth... The truth is right in front of you. It's your turn to try to accept and come to terms with the facts that cannot be changed."

She fell silent. She needed to change her strategy if she wanted objective answers.

"Who am I?" Her lips asked before she could rein herself in and stop her mind from formulating such a question. It was like a thought that, bypassing the usual mental processes, hadn't gone through the brain's filters and just slipped out of her mouth.

He surprised her with an understanding smile, and then she understood. It was better that she didn't hear it from him.

And it was at that very moment that the young woman with red hair returned. She reappeared out of nowhere, as if she'd teleported. She took the opportunity to observe the young woman more closely. The girl's entire demeanor was wild. Her eyes were the color of dry leaves and held a defiant gleam. She reminded her of those models from the past who walked the runway full of glory, aware of their beauty. She felt as though she knew her from somewhere.