IRREVOCABLY IN LOVE WITH YOU

Revenge ruins none but one!

Jenifer's POV.

Solitary silence percolated in my body as I ambled into my house with a satisfied smile. Today was the day I completed my revenge on my arch enemy, the man who destroyed my sister's life. The monster who took away her peace and left her to die...I hate to even bring his name on the tip of my tongue, let alone pronounce it in clarity on a breezy evening as this one where the world is glittering in lights to welcome the New Year...Singapore is no less than a heavenly abode for me yet I am trapped in this exhaustive mayhem of thoughts. An urge to drown myself in tequila and some countryside music and dance with a stranger in the middle of the streets, forgetting about my family problems or even my violent actions.

An erratic breath escaped my lips, and I walked up to my sister Natasha Lawrence's room. To my disbelief, she was sitting on the bed with crossed-legged, eyeing our family portrait hung in the wall facing her bed. An unsaid sadness sweeps around her eyes, dark circles couldn't have gotten bigger than the ones I saw on her face then. It dawned on me like a radical fire, that she's up...she's awake. My sister is awake from the bubble, we thought she'd never leave.

I took slow and steady steps towards her, hearing which Natasha looked up and I ran up to her. We embraced each other all the while, my tears falling freely on my cheeks. Finally, the pain I have been holding up for a year resurfaced like it never subsided in the deep systems of my body.

"I'm glad you're out of the comatose state. Why didn't Mom and Dad call me? Are you okay? Are you in any sort of pain? Should I call a Doctor?" I fired my questions at Natasha, and she shook her head with a smile lingering on her plump lips. I missed this.

"First of all, I woke up today. Mom-Dad tried to call you, but you were not picking up the phone, so they left for the church," Natasha replied making me gulp a sob back in my thirsty throat.

"What happened, why do you look so scared?" She asked.

I hugged her and burst sobbing, "I thought I lost you forever because of Alex but, now he is in no position to hurt anyone. I gave him a lifelong punishment."

"What are you talking about? And Alex, you mean Alex Jenner, right?"

"Yes, the monster who assaulted you that night and snatched away your life."

"What are you saying, Jenifer? Alex didn't do anything. It was Alexis, my boyfriend who raped me, in fact, it was Alex, who even came to my rescue, but Alexis hit him with an iron rod, and he got unconscious and he....," Natasha wept like a child.

"How's that possible? The doctors informed that in your unconscious state you were taking Alex's name," I asked, afraid to hear her response.

''So, you assumed that he did it to me without any proves? It might be because I saw him getting hurt and blood oozing out of his head, so I might have taken his name, but it doesn't make him a rapist." Natasha rebuked, her face red with anger. She always hated my rebellious nature, because I cast aside all logical thoughts and do things that I regret later.

"What did you do Jenifer?" She demanded with urgency in her voice, and I started sobbing as everything now got clear.

"What a sin, I had done just a few hours back?" I thought.

"I.... stabbed him with a knife," I admitted.

Natasha looked at me with shock and I just sat there looking down as guilt overpowered me.

"What the hell are you saying? Tell me everything," she demanded.

"When our parents found you unconscious in the hotel room. At the hospital, we were informed about your rape, but the bigger setback that we faced was when due to the internal bleeding and injuries, you slipped into a coma. The doctors had declared it as permanent sleep. Our parents were devastated and insisted for me to return back from Hong Kong immediately to Singapore," I began to recite the portion she's unaware about. Our grandparents lived in England but when they passed away, our father felt lonely and depressed in his ancestral home. Thus, he preferred to shift to a city where barely anyone knew him with the inheritance, he earned from his father to restart his life from afresh. He met mother in Singapore and then had us until I went to Hong Kong to pursue my graduation.

I continued after a suspenseful pause, "The blow I received after seeing you in that state was something I still can't describe. My breaths were snatched away and the only thing I had in my mind was revenge. An act of brutal revenge. Our parents found an unconscious Alexis in that room, but he was discharged before I reached the hospital but then he returned to check up on you and the luck was on my side because he was leaving town forever because his guilt was eating him up. Alexis felt guilty for allowing Alex near you which cost him your life. But one of the reasons he thought going away was better was because he doubted Alex might kill him in his rage. He revealed Alex to be an obsessed guy who could do anything as he did by coming in between you both. He did that night in his drunk state. He raped you while Alexis was defeated infront of his power because Alex hit him on his head."

"Go on, proceed giving me the glory details of the stupidity you've done so far in life," Natasha implored.

I breathed an erratic breath and rambled the remaining part of the truth, she should know, "In the chats, you said that you both love each other. There was no point in doubting him for he was already broken from losing you. For your sake, I never interrogated him about his whereabouts and instead promised him that I'll do everything in my power to settle scores with Alex Jenner. I didn't reveal anything to our parents because I was afraid, they might not believe me worse Alex might harm them. Our parents feared the incident would be out in the public so without informing anyone they shifted with you on the outskirts of the city while I lived alone in a small apartment. As per the plan, after six months I joined Alex's company as his secretary. He's clueless to my presence because you never mentioned about me to him. Taking the cue, I pretended to be a naïve girl to make him fall in love with me and when he proposed to me like a love-struck puppy, I ended the game by stabbing him with a knife right at his chest because after what he did, I felt he didn't deserve to live. He needed to die for being a treacherous friend."

Death. The only solution I'd thought. As I finished telling her the small details of the past months, I broke down not knowing what to do but I ended up fumbling, "I punished an innocent, I stabbed him and still he was whispering his love to me."

"Please Nat's say something, talk to me," I begged her with tears flowing through my eyes.

Slap!!

"Jenifer Lawrence, you disgust me today! How could You punish someone without even knowing the truth, without even trying to find out what happened that day? Are you mad? You stabbed Alex. Jenifer, I hate to call you my sister today, you...,"

"Just go away and pray nothing should happen to Alex otherwise, even God won't forgive you and just, so you know he was always my best friend, he always tried to warn me about that leech Alexis, but I was the one who never listened to him even on that party night he warned me but, leave it how does it matter to you what a good guy he was always?"

"You know what, Dad was always right to keep you away from our lives because when it comes to knowing the whole truth, you never do that, but just reach to conclusions and want to punish people, but you yourself are a horrible person. Have you ever thought how Dad will face Uncle once he gets to know the truth?" she yelled at me while I bawled my eyes out unable to control the war perplexing my internal systems.

"Don't say like this, I know I committed a sin, but I thought I was punishing your culprit."

"You just let my culprit flee from town Jenifer. You didn't buy any justice, but you simply ruined someone's life and made us all ashamed."

"Please don't say this, forgive me please," I begged her.

She wiped her tears and said: "Go ask, forgiveness from Alex not from me, you destroyed him not me. I can only pray that he gets saved, and he has it in him to forgive you."

I stood up lifelessly and walked out of the house. My tears continuously flowed, thinking about the crime I had done. In my thirst for revenge, I had ignored, what my heart has been telling me. I walked, trudged, treaded aimlessly on the deserted streets as the rain poured above my head, when there was no energy left in me, I dropped on my knees on the wet ground and cried my heart out not believing that I have made such a grave mistake. The pain I felt was nothing to what Alex might have gone through when I betrayed him. I couldn't forget the pained expression on his face and finally, when I was not able to take it, I shouted the one name I never thought I would even take after today but now that one name has become my need...my guilt...my survival mechanism...and my hope...against hope to redeem myself in my own eyes.

'Alex!'

The loss of a gem makes one realize the worth of a small stone required to build a home.

Jenifer's POV.

Realization whacked me hard on the face of what had happened between us. After getting a grip on myself, I called Mr. Wilson, Alex's manager to know about his whereabouts. I listened to him in silence, cut the call as I didn't feel it's pertinent for me to explain myself going against my rule to be civil with him. 'He's the closest link to Alex after his parents, and I'm more of an extortionist for them until proven innocent in the crime I did.'

I stood up from the ground, wiping my face, began the longest walk of my entire life...to the hospital with only one aim, "To get Alex back." A tiresome journey of 15 minutes ended abruptly. I finally reached my destination but now my feet stopped because a fear gripped my heart. 'Whether Alex will ever forgive me or not? Whether he will be able to survive the stab or not? How will I face him and his parents?' Thousands of doubts plagued my mind with an unstoppable urge to scream into this deafening void building up in me. One thing I was sure, that no matter what happens, I won't give up, even if Alex wanted to punish me, I'll allow him to treat me however he wants to even if he intended to beat me black or blue, I'll coordinate but I won't stop begging him for forgiveness.

I have crushed him to numerous pieces, incapable of ever being joint, probably if I wasn't as ignorant to the situations, this wouldn't have perspired. Although, I'm at a loss, I will do everything in my power to erase those memories from his mind, even if it takes a lifetime, I won't excuse myself. 'At the bottom it looks a blurry and an unachievable task to redeem. Perhaps, if I take the first step, the road to redemption won't be as painful as it looks.'

"Jenifer, what are you doing here? Chief is on the 2nd floor," Mr. Wilson's concerned voice brought me out from my thoughts.

"Huh," I.. Wo," I stammered unable to face him anymore, because he was like an elder brother to Alex and if he gets to know, what I have done, he will be the first one to hate me or file an attempt-to-murder-case on me.

"Relax Jenifer, I know you are worried for chief but, don't worry, God will never harm anyone like chief," he consoled, and my heart felt a sudden ache as an image of Alex lying in his blood, reeled in my mind. Hesitantly, I managed to ask, "Did you find him?"

"No. A hotel waiter found him in the back yard of the hotel drenched in his blood. He called an ambulance and informed us to reach at the hospital." Mr. Wilson sounded furious as if he's already murdering the culprit in his head. "But you were there in the party then where were you when chief was stabbed?" Curiosity mounted in his tone, and I felt the earth rotate around me like a spindle.

I gulped, and tears pooled in my eyes, visions of the somewhat scary evening crawling back into me. I gripped the sides of my trousers before I let out the secret burning within me of the disastrous night, I might never forget nor forgive.

"Don't cry, Jenifer," he patted my shoulder. "May I request you to please accompany his family in these times of crisis. I've to arrange for a press meet to give out the information regarding Chief's condition and the business as well." I nodded.

Mr. Wilson rushed outside the hospital, and I watched him, releasing a sigh I didn't knew I held back but it's not only Alex who'll go through a phase of devastation. It's all those who I've wounded unintentionally in my hatred including my family, especially Natasha and I'm uncertain as to how I must cope with this rising perplexity in me. The ride to the second floor seemed to be a slow-motion picture. Trapped in the metallic cage, I refused to stare at the reflection of me and when it stopped, my feet wouldn't cooperate with my mind. From a distance, I saw Alex's parents, sitting outside the I.C.U-red eyes peering at the glass doors, devoid of any static emotion falling from their eyes or coherent words making their way out from their lips. The melanin on their faces seems to have deepened with the latest agony being dropped on them. It contradicted to the peach roses of the vase kept near them. My guilt overpowered the rational senses. I'd this over-stimulating desire to run away and hide myself in a wooden box where no one would be able to find me ever. I'll drown in my mistakes, suffer...enough to compensate Alex and stay away from the joys and bliss of life. It's an act of pusillanimity but isn't it what I'm?

After a maddening mourn of several minutes, Sir spoke, placing his palm over Aunty's trembling hands. "Relax. He'll get through this. He's stronger than the knife the narcissistic slut daggered him."

Bile rose in my throat, and I flinched on hearing the word, 'slut,' from him. Did they find out if it's a girl or boy? From all the families I've known in Singapore, theirs has been the one who were more connected with their emotions particularly in catering to Alex's living standards and lifestyle. I'd taken it as a pretense of goodness for the media publicity to expand their empires but now as I see their grief-stricken faces, I realize they truly did love their son as much as he cares for them. It's my fault, they're hurt and terrified of losing their son. It must be a fiendish situation. It's my fault they've to go through this heart-breaking moment of their lives. I prayed to Lord for Alex's wellbeing. 'I committed a big sin, please punish me, but don't let anything happen to him. I know, I believed all wrong by just seeing those fake photos but don't let my fault, harm his life, please save him.' I felt a tap on my shoulder, and it was Alex's mother. Seems she saw me, while I stood staring at nothing in particular.

"Don't worry. You know Alex is beyond strong, he will get over this, be strong my child," she caressed my hair. Both Sir and Ma'am, have always loved me and treated me like their own daughter. Even when I knew that I was betraying them too, along with Alex, I still did that for my sister, but now I don't even know, what to say to these good-hearted people? In my clumsiness, I have snatched away from their only happiness. Can I even reimburse for the pain of a mother? Not knowing what else to do, I hugged her and both of us merely clung to the other in hope of things becoming better in the coming hours.

We all sat in a corner praying for Alex's wellbeing. With no response or update from the Doctors, I began pacing in the corridor. I felt a sudden instinct that, something worse was going to happen. I checked on Alex- connected to thousands of different wires, struggling to breathe for survival, the betrayed Prince still harbored an innocence to his features. I often wondered what made him Alex Jenner, the billionaire who can have any girl he wants yet he chose to love me, out of all the super models and actresses who desired him day and night. Some tried to seduce him in the broad day light at the restaurants in which he went to attend meetings, but they never got the hint that he wasn't interested in their surgically cosmetic beauty or their popularity.

In the drastically silent room, there was a sudden upheaval as the doctors stopped discussing amongst themselves. I panicked and twisted the knob of the glass door to enter the restricted room but stopped eyeing the grave expressions of the Doctors as they whispered incoherent words behind their masks and then instructed the nurse to inject Alex. I itched to storm inside the room once again and clasp Alex's hand. He hated injections and I know it.

Flashback

On entering the Jenner Mansion, I saw Sir taking Alex's temperature in the living room. He looked pale and ill, but still, he was working on his laptop while his father glared at him, and he ignored. Since the time I had joined the company, I have realized Alex and his parents shared a friendly relationship but at that time I thought his friendliness to be a mask to hide his inner cobra-tic intentions.

"Alex, how are you feeling now?" I pretended to be concerned but inside I wanted to hear that he wasn't well and felt like dying. Initially, I'd a habit of calling him 'Sir' but he insisted I address him with his first name. As per his translucent logic, he felt older than his father when I in particular treated him like an employer and not as a normal person.

Normalcy isn't a thing but understanding.

Alex neglected my question and continued to scroll the mails on his tablet. Mr. Jenner replied, "He is sick. Has a high temperature, but this stubborn man won't go to the doctor for a check-up."

"It's just a mild fever Dad. Stop creating a mountain of it, I am perfectly fine!" Alex coughed and Uncle gave him 'You-don't-argue-with-me' look. "I can see how mild it is," he added, handing him the medicines which Alex took with a frown on his face.

"I think you should see a Doctor once," I said, being casual about it as it's no big deal to me.

"Jenifer, I'd suggest you stay out of the competitive list of the 'Send Alex to the hospital' list. It's quite infuriating as a matter of my least concerned issues at the moment given your presentation still hasn't arrived. I hope you'll be on time or I have made up my mind to shift you under Mr. Wilson's wing and not mine," he said and cast a bemused look at me. I gulped for I knew he's peculiarly serious when it comes to work. Even the devil in the hell can't stop him from getting the contracts he sets his eyes on.

"I'm here with the presentation." I fetched the pen-drive from the folder and showed it to him.

"In my room, now." Signaling me to the stairs, he began to get up to only be halted with Mrs. Jenner commanding voice, as she made her way to him with a sulking look.

"I'll bang my head on the wall and still you won't go to the Doctor but drink this soup while I fill in Jenifer of your nonsensical reasons to avoid all kinds of medical institutes." Mrs. Jenner let out a small chuckle, passing the tray to Alex and ran her fingers through her greyish hair.

"He's afraid of injections." Ma'am stated, controlling the laughter which itched to be out from her plain mouth.

Alex threw a dangerous glare at us. "Stop it, Mom. Why do you have to tell everyone? First all the house stuff, then Mr. Wilson and now her." He pointed his one finger at me, out-casting me from the chortling couple and the staff who tried hard to suppress their giggles but failed miserably. I feigned a half-hearted laughter to proceed with my plan of acquiring their trust like a strategic knight on duty.

"How's it my fault if you piss off in your pants at the mere thought of being injected?" She teased, covering her mouth with a palm. A wave of jealousy washed over me on witnessing their family moments while mine have been snatched away by the evil perpetrator who's guiltless for his actions.

Alex yawned on being a target of the unplanned mocking noon and shook his head, before holding my wrist and dragging me along with him to his bedroom. My mouth hung open in shock as I followed him, a little too shy to be touched...too angry yet too lost to defend myself against him and his brawny power. Inside his room, he left my wrist and in his perfect mannerism, stood in a corner allowing me to breathe in his personal space which seemed no less than a modern king's palace-four poster bed sprawled in the middle of the room, for cinematic experience, a led television pasted on the red-peach floral wall in-front of the bed; the rest of the room acquired his gym apparatus at which I didn't pay much attention for their cost might be ten times more than the Perodua Bezza. I better not get started on the Walk-in-Closet attached with the washroom which I'm certain is designed like a hotel room of Paris.

"Want a pass to permanently stay in my room?"

"Huh." I looked down at the wooden floor in embarrassment. I gawked at this man and his environment more than I should but who wouldn't want to live in a mansion like that of the Jenner's except me. Neither is Alex, my favorite person nor I care much about his luxurious lifestyle to dream of living in a room like his, but something was off about Alex today and I could smell it through the way he sighed, staring at me.

In a flick of a tiny finger, Alex dashed to the washroom, and I heard the shower running. What happened to him?

I came out of the memories and looked at the pale face of the man in front of me. I wanted to destroy his world. I did but now how am I even going to return it all? It's easier to obliterate a person but so difficult to mend their hearts.

Time passed faster that no one realized that it was already morning...there might be none in my life, for a shadow of darkness overrules my life and I knew I deserved it.

Mr. Wilson and Mr. Jenner stood by the coffee machine discussing about the paparazzi. I wondered what will happen when everyone gets to know this incidence? For now, cops weren't involved, for how long they could be avoided? After all, Alex is considered as a celebrity in the whole of Singapore for his excellent contribution in improvising the infrastructure and education system of various towns. A thorough investigation would lead to opening of the secrets of the night about which I might never talk but Alex...the wounded tiger's roar might be more poisonous than the cobra's sting. Expecting him to be understanding of my situation is walking over the burning coal but I have to do it...for my family. Can I make them go through so much trouble after they'd been through a dirty hell of sorrows? Does Natasha have the strength to deal with the ghost of her past?

Thinking about the consequences of my actions, I leaned against the pillar near the vase. It's when the Doctors emerged out from the ICU and informed the other three occupants about Alex being out of danger, I released a deep breath. It was sooner to mumble the words of gratitude for their next words left us dumbfounded and the ground beneath me began to slide away and a rotatory wheel of the poisonous night haunted me.

Impulsive mind can often become a murderous hand.

Jenifer's POV.

"Alex is saved from the knife stab, but the excessive internal bleeding has caused his lower body to paralyze, considering which we conclude he might not be able to walk ever unless a miracle happens." The senior surgeon said in a no-nonsense tone. A gasp escaped from my lips, and I immediately clutched the sides of my pants for the horror, these milky hands have committed. Mrs. Jenner clasped Mr. Jenner's arm, and they both sat on the chairs to deal with this sudden trauma of losing their son to a paralytic attack and the fact, I'm the reason for it has filled me with profound guilt and a pain, so indescribable. A feeling I might never be able to erase from the deepest roots of my heart or soul or the lifelong impressions it has left on my mind.

"Take any amount of money but cure my son or I'll ruin your hospital." Mr. Jenner threatened in a hoarse voice. It's unlike him to manage people in this hostile manner...yet it's a distorted father seeking a way to help his only successor who'd made more millions than he ever did in his ruling period. With the fall of Alex Jenner, dies the Jenner Enterprises.

Intimidated with the six feet man in a navy-blue suit, the surgeon explained, "It's not about your money, Sir. Alex is out of danger but he's still critical. A small mistake on our part might do a greater damage that even your money can't cure. I'm sure you're not willing to risk his breaths for the sake of his legs. We'll provide him with the best facilities to get adjusted to this new lifestyle but apart from that, we'll ask you to accept his situation as it is instead of trying to manipulate your ways into the medical fraternity. You're a powerful person but we know what is right or wrong in this case. Please cooperate."

"Does Alex know?" Mrs. Jenner asked.

"Yes, he does," the surgeon replied. "He'd like to meet you both. We'll suggest for you to be patient with him from now onwards and not to put any pressure on him regarding his recovery. Behave as you'd be with him on any other normal day."

A caution was needed or not, I'm not sure but I'm glad in that minute for this man to issue a warning in-front of the agitated parents who're at the edge of creating a global storm in this hospital.

As the team of surgeons left, Mr. Jenner, Mr. Wilson who'd been a mute listener till now, and Mrs. Jenner made their way inside the ICU after wearing precautionary gowns. From the glass door, I peeked at Alex-tired, defeated, and hollow, he stared at the empty ceiling probably wondering if he'll ever recover or not...if ever his lower body would work or not. My eyes watered, and I caressed at the glass door, hoping to touch him once to ease his pain. A million lives would be nothing to heal the lifetime scar I gave him.

Sadness like never before dwelled within me. I sighed sadly as I saw him consoling his parents and Mr. Wilson who expressed their disappointment in the hospital at their lack of service. Alex took this issue in a slightly mature way than I'd ever predicted him to be.

Alex calm composure scared me as much as the monitor calculating his heartbeats. 'Why is he not shouting the name of his culprit...his destruction...his backstabber...his lost love?'

A stray tear made its way out of Alex's eye, and he wiped it before his parents could see. I realized I shouldn't interrupt their family. Alex doesn't deserve to see the face of the girl who seduced him with her naïve face, won his trust and crushed him to death. He's an expert to mask his pain but I'm not a person who can handle those intense emotional feelings. They're alien to me and feeling these hotheaded and bizarre substances in my heart for Alex, discomfort occupied my every bone and an ache mounted in my body. I ran out of the hospital controlling the whirlpool of anguish flowing inside me. I don't care if the speeding truck eats me alive or the zooming car shows me my end or this pain...this sour blistering pain leads to a cardiac arrest, but I can't be near Alex. I'd sold my rented apartment, because I wanted to move in with my parents, but little did I ever envisioned even in my ugliest nightmares to be wrong...so wrong in my judgment...that I'll be a weakling to even face them, yet I have no other choice except to be honest. A life has been ruined in my impulsiveness. 'What should be the punishment for me?'

At home, my family sat in the living room with worried looks on their faces. The atmosphere almost seem like someone was dead...a cursed body I'm to even be alive. I was in no position to explain them anything. What can I even possibly say I attempted to murder an innocent person and he lost his ability to walk forever.

Ignoring their calls, I sauntered to my room and straight to the washroom. Standing under the shower, I let the cold water drench me. My clothes cling to me and I hugged myself. I felt dirty, can barely even look at myself then how can I even expect Alex to look at me. He should hate me. Despise me. Loathe my existence. Or worse kill me.

I yanked at my hair; tears mixed with water cascaded from my cheeks. Mom knocked at the door, begging me to be out but I don't want to hear her. I know she's mad at me...terribly angry...Dad's with her but he's not saying a word. He's done with me forever. I've let him down in the most susceptible ways. Natasha must have revealed them the truth behind my back and it's evident from Dad's silence, he's shocked beyond measures and is not in a mood to hear my sob stories of my depressing actions. If the truth comes out in the open, his reputation will be at stake. Banging increased, my head is pounding, the washroom is rotating in circles and my eyes droop, it hurts, they close...and I see a face...familiar face...his face...

"I love you, Jenifer." Alex whispered, coming closer to my lips.

'Alex...Oh...Alex...sweet Jesus why do you smell so good? Why're you here? You're not here! You're my hallucination. You're not here. You're...amm...I can taste your lips on me. Damn it! Kiss me already...Kiss my guilt away and tell me it's okay...we're okay...Love me harder and faster...'