I'M HIS AND HIS MINE

JOSH

It hurts to look at her.

It hurts to look at her smile knowing I'm not the cause for it. I like the way her cheeks tug towards her eyes whenever she smiles or laughs. That's when I know she means it. It hurts to see her walk into the arms of another man. It hurts to see her lips meet his in a kiss. It hurts to know she isn't mine.

I can't bring myself to call this love. Surely love isn't supposed to hurt like this? I know it's wrong to feel like this about her but I can't do anything about it...so I'm leaving. I need to run before I do something stupid that will hurt her...that will hurt my brother. Brad is one lucky son of a bitch. I hope he knows that.

I can see her from where I am sitting right now. It's graduation day. The day is finally here. I am sitting on the stage of the auditorium which is flooded with people. Of course, her face stands out in the crowd. She's sitting next to Brad with my parents, watching the class Valedictorian give her speech. I know she's here because of Brad and some of her senior friends but for a moment, I allow myself to pretend that she's here for me.

I can't pin point the exact moment I started to care so much for her. She was my friend before she became my brother's girlfriend. I liked her before Brad paid any attention to her. In a way, I know they're together because of me. I was their bridge. I should feel good about that, I suppose, but I don't. Thinking about it makes me sad. When did I become this depressed person? God knows I need the change of scenery. I can't wait for this to be over.

Somehow, I made it through my senior year of high school. Now it's time to go into the real world. It's time to become a US Marine. I know that's going to be the distraction I so badly need. I won't ever have to worry about getting caught on the feelings I have for my brother's girlfriend. It's not right. I know it.

Natalie suddenly meets my gaze and I almost jump. They're in the fifth row so only a few feet away from where I am which is the first few rows, considering my last name starts with an 'A'. She smiles at me and raises her eyebrows as if saying, how exciting, you're graduating!

I offer her a smile in return just because I can't ignore her. She caught me staring at her already anyway. I try to remember the last time we made eye contact. I can't even remember the last time we had a proper conversation. It's all my fault. I'm the one that stopped talking to her in an effort to fight whatever the hell I feel for her. Things would be so different if my brother wasn't her boyfriend. Then I wouldn't feel so guilty about trying to steal her away.

I hope she knows I valued our friendship. It's the only good thing I got from high school. Natalie and I met on her first day of freshman year during our first period. We had art together. I was a sophomore. She didn't get together with Brad until the beginning of this year, their junior year, my senior year. I thought this year would never end.

The ceremony drags on. My family and Natalie all stand up to cheer when they call my name and I walk across the stage to get the fake diploma. It's just the diploma pouch with nothing inside. They'll be mailing our diplomas home. Why? I don't know. I've never understood that logic. I'm over all of it by the time the ceremony finally ends. I hang out with some of my friends and we take pictures before I go out looking for my family outside. I spot the big 2011 balloons up in the air. My mom is so extra. She is already crying as I make my way towards them.

"Jesus, mom, don't cry," I say as I put my arms around her. "It's just high school."

"I'm just so proud of you." She mumbles as she hugs me tight.

"I better get these tears next year too." Brad jokes making mom chuckle. He looks at me then embraces me in a manly hug. The ones where we slap each other's backs and pretend we don't have any emotion whatsoever. "Congrats, bro, must feel nice."

"Thanks," I say pulling away and then Natalie is in front of me. She's wearing a white dress. Her wavy hair is around her shoulders. She's smiling at me, her cheeks tugging up to her eyes.

"Congrats, Josh. You did it!" She says and then she hugs me.

I glance at Brad who is over with his friends now. My parents are talking about something. For a moment, it's just me and her in the field. I close my eyes for that brief second and enjoy the feeling of her arms around my waist. I'm taller than her so her face fits perfectly on the crook of my neck. She fits so perfectly in my arms.

Get a grip, Josh.

I open my eyes and take a step back. "Thank you, Natalie."

She just smiles at me and then Brad is back by her side. I watch as he puts his arm around her shoulders then kisses her lips briefly. I look away. This is why I stopped hanging out with them altogether. I couldn't see them do things like that. It's already shaming enough to have to look at my brother at home knowing I have feelings for his girlfriend. I think about how I would feel if I had a girlfriend and Brad liked her. I wouldn't like it at all.

We hang around for about an hour or so with friends before we finally head home. Mom and dad gave Brad permission to throw a party at our house tonight. I don't know how he convinced them. He probably made it seem like he was doing it for me which is ridiculous because I hate parties. I never know what to do in them. I don't dance. I don't kiss random girls. I don't drink. At least not how you're supposed to drink in parties.

This is why I stay in my room that night as everyone starts to arrive. Brad can have his party. I don't care. I'll be gone in a week then I won't have to deal with things like this anymore.

I'm really looking forward to the isolation. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. I think it's the change I'm looking forward to. High school was not challenging at all for me. It would feel useless if it weren't for that diploma we get at the end. My dad also joined the Marines when he graduated high school. He told me I shouldn't feel obligated to join just because he did and I don't. This is something I've been wanting for a long time. I know dad was hoping I would start working at the station right after high school. I hope he understands that I want to do this first before becoming a firefighter.

My dad is the chief at the Portland Fire Station #12. He has been a firefighter since he was twenty-one years old. Before I was even born. I respect him so much for that. I'm proud to be his son. I hope to be half the man my father is one day.

My thoughts are interrupted by a faint knock on my door. At first, I think I imagined it. The music is loud downstairs so it's possible I did. I stay seated on the couch in my room before I hear it again. I stand up and pull the door open.

"Natalie," I say in surprise.

"Hey, I knew you'd be in here." She smiles at me then looks down at the small cake in her hands. "I brought you cake. You know since it's your party and all."

"It's Brad's party." I tell her over the music.

"In honor of you," She says in a sarcastic tone making me chuckle.

"Want to come in?" I ask her opening the door wider.

"Yes, please," She says as she walks in. "I never know what to do with myself in parties."

I smile because I already knew that. We are very much alike in that aspect. I close the door in an effort to diminish the sound of the chaos happening downstairs. "Where is Brad?" I ask her cautiously.

"Getting wasted," She says as she looks at my bookcase on the wall. "You still have the same books here since the last time I was here. Do you still read?"

I shrug. "I haven't in a while."

She turns around and faces me then she hands me the cake. "Here. Eat."

I grin. It's always amused me how bossy she is. "Okay."

I sit down on the floor with my back against the bed and Natalie sits down next to me. The cake has the words "Congrats, Grad!" written on it in gold frosty.

"So how do you feel?" Natalie asks me as I scoop a piece of cake.

"Doesn't really feel any different."

"Yeah. You probably won't feel it until you leave." She meets my gaze. "I'm gonna miss you...I've been missing you." She says quietly. "Why did we stop being friends?"

I gulp then set the cake down next to me suddenly not really wanting anymore. I didn't expect this conversation to escalate so quickly. "We're still friends," I say trying to sound casual but my voice is not so convincing.

"Then why did I find out through Brad two weeks ago that you were leaving?"

I can't read her. I can't tell if she's hurt or confused. Maybe both. "I figured I'd let him tell you. He is your boyfriend."

"But you were my friend," She says sadly. "I guess I thought we're going to be friends forever." She smiles. "Immature, huh?"

"You have other friends, Natalie. I'm sure you don't need me." I tell her gently.

"You don't miss people you don't need."

I clench my jaw and look straight at the TV. I know she's talking to me as a friend. I know she's telling me that she misses me as a friend. But my mind is playing these tricks in my head. Her words are hurting me and she has no idea. Of course I've missed hanging out with her too. It's the reason this year sucked so much. It's the reason I couldn't wait for it to end.

I wish I can tell her why I couldn't be her friend anymore. Why I can't be her friend right now. I know I should ask her to leave. She would be confused and hurt if I did. She's not doing anything wrong. But I am. I know better. I know it because I shouldn't like the way her arm feels against mine. I shouldn't want to reach out and kiss her but I do.

I find myself in this debate again. I wish her boyfriend wasn't my brother. I know it wouldn't even be right then but at least I could be honest to her.

"Did you get mad at me because I started going out with your brother?" Natalie asks me after a moment. She asks the question quietly and carefully. I can tell that it's been bothering her for a while now.

I want to kick myself for not being more considerate. I just stopped talking to her without giving it much thought. I didn't think about what she would feel. She probably thinks I'm the worst friend in the world. She wouldn't be wrong. "Of course not." I answer honestly. It's not her fault that I began to develop feelings for her. It's not Brad's fault either. This is all me.

"Okay," She says slowly. "I'm sorry. I'm just trying to understand why you stopped talking to me. I've been wanting to ask you but you're never around anymore. Now you're leaving...I just thought it was now or never." She shrugs.

She's just curious. It's simple, really. Not really. I can't tell her the truth and I don't want to hurt her. God. Why did I have to like her? Why did my brain decide to start to think of her as the unique, awesome girl she is? Why did my heart choose her? I know it's not the end of the world. It's high school. I'm young. I'll get over it. But it pretty much seems like the worst thing ever right now. I know this is probably the last time I'm going to see her for a really long time-maybe ever. I don't know if she'll still be around when I come back and it's not something that I'm going to be thinking about...on purpose.   

I make the mistake of turning to look at her. She gives me a sad smile.

Look away, Josh. Walk away. Get the hell out of this room right now.

I'm not listening to my brain right now. I'm listening to her even breaths. I'm looking at her brown eyes that seem darker in here. "Natalie..." I hear myself whisper as my eyes travel down her checks, down her lips...

And then I do the one thing I vowed myself to never do. I do the one thing I've desired so much over the past few weeks. I do the one thing that would change everything...if I were staying. I do it because I know I'm leaving. I do it because I know I will regret it if I don't.

I place my fingers underneath her chin and pull it up gently. Her eyes look confused for a second but she doesn't push me away. I look at her as I lean in and bring my lips to touch hers.

I kiss her.

NATALIE

"Brad is outside."

I look up at my roommate who is standing at the doorway of my room. I'm sitting on the floor with my back against the bed and my laptop on my lap. I'm looking through Netflix, trying to find something good to watch. It's been an hour.

"I already told him you don't want to see him," Cassie says before I tell her. "He won't leave. Should we call the cops?"

I sigh. "It's fine. Thanks."

She walks away without saying anything else. I stay on the floor for a moment, wishing I didn't have to deal with this right now. Brad is the last person I want to see right now and he knows that. I don't know why he's here again. Does he really think a week is enough for me to forget? I could never forget. He should know that. That's the problem with Brad. He can be very selfish. And inconsiderate.

I take a deep breath as I stand up. I get sight of myself on the full size mirror I have by the door. I'm wearing black leggings with a blue blouse. My hair is up on a bun. It's Saturday so I don't work. Saturday's are my lazy days. I dress up enough during the week for work. I make my way out of my room slowly. Cassie is not in the living room and her bedroom door is closed so I'm guessing she's in there. I appreciate her trying to give me privacy. I pull open the front door and sure enough, Brad is standing on the other side.

He's in uniform. He's wearing his black pants with the navy blue shirt tucked in and black boots. He looks tired so I know he's probably coming out of a twenty-four hour shift. I hate that he still looks so good.

I step outside so he knows I have no intention of letting him in. I cross my arms on my chest as I look at him. "What are you doing here?"

"I just want to talk, please," he says with a frown on his forehead.

I sigh. "I told you I didn't want to see you, Brad."

"Natalie, please. I feel horrible."

"Good. You should."

He sighs. "Are you ever going to forgive me?"

I look away from him for a moment suddenly feeling sad. This past week has been a whirlwind of emotions. I've felt angry. Sad. Frustrated. Relieved. Confused. Hurt. That's what sucks about the people you love. By loving them, you're giving them the power to hurt you. I look at Brad and I feel angry and sad at the same time. Angry because of what he did. Sad because he threw away 8 years of being together in one night.

This isn't the first time we've broken up. We actually broke up four years ago and didn't see each other for a year. So I guess that would make it 7 years of actually being together. With a hiccup here and there throughout. Being with Brad has proven to be challenging. We've had our good times, of course, but we've had just as many bad ones. I'm starting to think this isn't the way it's supposed to be in a healthy relationship. We've just been together for so long. That's the reason I've been able to look past other mistakes. But not this one. There is a limit and Brad has reached mine.

"Maybe one day." I finally tell him. Then I shake my head when I see the glint of hope in his eyes. "But I don't think I can be with you again, Brad. It's over." I turn to walk back into the apartment but he reaches out and grabs my hand.

"Natalie, please, don't do this." He pleads.

I pull my hand away from his. "I'm not doing anything. You're the one who ended this when you decided to whore around."

"I didn't have sex with her."

"Oh, no, you just made out with her while you felt her up," I say in disbelief. "I saw you. With my own eyes. Nobody told me anything." I shake my head. "It doesn't matter that you didn't have sex with her. You still cheated. Plus you probably would have if you wouldn't have seen me."

"I was drunk-"

"There's always excuses with you." I interrupt him. "Just leave me alone. Go have sex with whoever you want."

"Please, Natalie. I'll do whatever you want me to do. I'll get on my knees. I'll beg. Just please, give me another chance."

I hate seeing him like this. So vulnerable. It's not like Brad. He's usually over confident. That's probably why he did what he did in the first place. I wish I didn't but I still care about him. I can't just forget about all the years we've spent together. Just like I can't forget about what I saw that night.

"Go home, Brad. Get some sleep." I take a step back.

He puts his hands in his pockets, looking defeated. "Would you consider still coming to my parents' with me tonight?"

Right. Tonight. This dinner has been on my calendar for about a month now. Josh's homecoming. After eight years of serving the country, Josh is finally coming home. I was excited about seeing him again. At the same time, I don't think he remembers me anymore. It's been so long since the last time we saw each other...

I shake my head. "I don't think that's a good idea, Brad."

He smiles sadly as if he knew I was going to say that. "My parents are going to kill me when they find out I lost you."

I feel the knot in my throat begin to form. I don't want to cry in front of him. I've done enough of that. "So don't tell them tonight." I suggest.

"Please come with me, Natalie. Just tonight. Dinner with my family. We won't be alone. It could be our last date."

I begin to shake my head but he continues.

"Please. I promise I'll leave you alone after tonight. I just-" he shakes his head. "It's supposed to be a happy dinner. I don't think I can get through it. I don't think I can go."

"You have to go. Your brother is back."

He looks at me with a frown on his forehead. "Will you come?"

I bite my lip then clean the tear rolling down my cheek quickly. "I'm sorry, Brad. I'm not any better than you right now. You hurt me-"

"I know," he says sadly.

"You betrayed me. You betrayed our relationship-" I reach out for the ring on my fourth finger. I wasn't sure about this before but I'm sure now. When he realizes what I'm doing, Brad reaches out and puts his hands on top of mine, trying to stop me from taking the ring off.

"No, God, Natalie, please no."

"I'm sorry." I cry pressing the ring against the palm of his hand. "I can't do this." I'm crying now. So much for not wanting to seem weak anymore.

I don't wait to hear his response this time. I turn around and walk into the apartment, closing the door before he has the chance to react. I lean against the door for support as I try to compose myself. I can hear Brad calling my name from the other side.

"Natalie?"

I look up at Cassie who is walking out of her room. She looks at me and I see pity in her eyes. "Oh, Natalie," She says as she crosses the living room to me. She puts her arms around me and I let her comfort me for the hundredth time this week. Poor Cassie. She's had to endure all of my emotional breakdowns. I don't know how she hasn't ran away yet. I would.

Brad proposed to me two months ago. I was ecstatic but not surprised. When you're together with someone for so many years, I think at some point it becomes apparent that you're going to end up with that person. At least that's how it was with Brad and I. I thought I would eventually marry him and I would have, if he wouldn't have done what he did.

Last week, I received a call from one of Brad's buddies. They always call me when Brad gets too drunk to not being able to drive himself home. When I got to the bar, I walked in to see Brad who was drunk alright. He was also making out with some girl while squeezing her ass. I couldn't believe my eyes at first. I thought I was confusing him with someone else. Brad has done many things but he had never done something like this before. At least not that I know of.

But it was him. I was devastated and ran out of there. Unfortunately, I wasn't quick enough. Brad saw me and ran after me. I was hurt and embarrassed. I also feel disappointed in him. He allowed that to happen. He stained our relationship. He broke us.

I know I didn't find them in bed but I don't need to. To me, that's just as bad as having sex. Cheating is cheating. And if he's capable of doing something like that...I'm positive he would do it again or worse. Maybe not today or tomorrow or a month from today but it will happen. I can't live with that insecurity. I guess I should be happy that this happened before we even began to make preparations for the wedding. Maybe I can be thankful for that later.

For now, I want to cry until I don't have any tears left but I promise myself that it'll be the last time. No more tears after today.

Except there's a problem.

It takes approximately five minutes for the guilt to come back.

The guilt I've been trying so hard to ignore. A little voice in my head has been whispering, don't be a hypocrite Natalie. If Brad making out with a woman is cheating, then you cheated first. This has been on repeat since I saw Brad that night at the bar.

I cheated first.

It was so easy to pretend that it hadn't happened until Brad did the same to me. The only difference is that he got caught and I didn't. I haven't.

My betrayal was probably worse than his.

The thought makes me straighten up and pull away from Cassie who was still hugging me. I sniff as I stand up and clean the tears on my cheeks. Cassie looks up at me confused. "What are you doing?" She asks when I reach out and open the front door.

I take a step outside and look down the hall. Brad is making his way down the stairs when I call, "Brad!"

He stops and looks up at me. His eyes are hopeful instantly. What do I do? I wish I didn't care about hurting him when I haven't been exactly faithful. It was one night. One kiss. But I know that if I'm going to judge him this harshly for what he did then I'm not being fair to him. I'll tell him. I won't tell him who I kissed but I'll come clean about kissing someone else once back in high school. Then he'll want me less and this break up will be easier on both of us. Hopefully.

"I'll go with you tonight." I tell him. "And then we'll talk."

He is a few feet away from me by now. He nods, looking a bit surprised. "O-okay. I'll pick you up?"

"Okay," I say.

We stand there for a moment, just looking at each other. I finally look away and make my way back into the apartment. I lean against the front door like I had done a few minutes ago. Except this time I'm not crying. I feel exhausted. I feel like going into the comfort of my bed and sleeping for days. All of this thinking has been driving me crazy.

I didn't immediately think about the kiss after I saw Brad with that woman. It happened three days later. The fact that I had done to Brad what he did to me hit me like a brick but I pushed it out of my head because I convinced myself that mine didn't count. I was young. We both were. It was eight years ago, after all.

I wish I could just pretend that it didn't happen but my conscience won't let me. Especially when I know I'll see him again soon. This is the right thing to do. Go to dinner with Brad. Have a serious talk. Tell him about what I did. Break up peacefully. Yes. This is what I'm going to do. It's the right thing to do.

I don't notice Cassie standing in front of me until she crosses her arms on her chest. I look up at her. She's looking at me in disbelief when she says,

"I'm never comforting you for crying over that man again."

Five hours later, I am with Brad in his car to go to his parent's house. It feels weird. The tension is clear between us. I don't know why Brad wanted me to come with him. Especially after our conversation earlier today. He's acting differently than how he was back when we broke up about three years ago. That time we broke up because we sort of drifted apart. I was starting a new job and Brad was working a lot at the fire station. We just got busy and lazy for our relationship. We had a talk over the phone one night and broke up.

He didn't look for me again until a year later which was when we decided to give it another try. He didn't act this way at all. He was more compliant. He had given up. I can tell he's not giving up easily this time. I wonder why. Maybe because he feels guilty. I know I share some of that guilt. I've endured it for years now.

The night Josh kissed me, it changed something. I just haven't really figured out what. The fact that I didn't stop him or push him away has always bothered me. Kissing your boyfriend's brother is definitely up high in the list of things not to do. It's so hard to believe that eight years have passed since then. It feels like it was months ago, weeks even. That makes me nervous. Josh probably doesn't even remember the kiss. I doubt he's thought about it as much as I have. I know it's probably something we might never talk about again...but I've always wondered why he did it.

That night after we pulled away, I ran out of his room as fast as my legs could take me. Now I wish I would have stayed to talk. He probably thought I got angry at him. I wasn't. That was the last time I saw Josh and now I'm on my way to his parent's house to see him again. I look forward to seeing him again. I considered him my best friend at one point in high school. I knew him before I met Brad. There's no logical reason for me to be nervous but I am. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I shouldn't have come. Especially when things are not good between Brad and I. I'm not sure I can deal with all of this all at once.

It's too late to back out now. We're here.

Brad pulls onto the driveway and parks. He shuts the ignition. It's dark outside and we sit in the darkness of the car for a moment. Neither of us say anything. The lights are on inside the house. They're probably getting ready for dinner. Maybe waiting for us. The happy couple.

"Would you-"

I turn to look at Brad who hesitates. I look down at his hand and realize he's holding the engagement ring. I was so happy the day he proposed. It really felt like nothing could go wrong between us but here we are. I'm not so sure we can ever get back to how we were before.

"Would you take it?" He finally finishes his question.

He's asking me to wear it. I shake my head. "I don't think that's a good idea, Brad." We're already deceiving his family. What's the point if this is going to end soon?

He sighs sounding defeated, as if he expected that answer. "You were the one thing I had done right in my life-"

"Don't say that. That's not true."

"My parents-they love you." He continues. "They've always wondered how it is that I ended up with someone so good like you."

I turn to look outside the window, my throat tightening.

"And now I've screwed it up." He looks at me sadly. "The one good thing in my life. I'm so sorry, Natalie."

I turn to look at him, fighting back the tears. I hate seeing him like this. I want him to be his old lay back self. I love Brad. I've loved him since high school. I think part of me always will. He will always be my first love. My first real boyfriend. He was my first everything.

I reach out and place my hands on his cheeks then I press my lips against his in a sad kiss. "I'm not as good as you think I am, Brad." I tell him. Then I reach out for the ring and put it back on my finger. "I'll do this for you. Whatever you need to make this easier. But please don't get your hopes up. This doesn't mean we just forget about everything that has happened."

I pull away then get out of the car and wait for him by the front door. He joins me and rings the doorbell. He reaches for my hand and I let him take it as the door is pulled open.

"Hey! We've been wondering where you two were!" Louisa, Brad's mother, greets us with a big smile on her face. Seeing how happy she is right now makes me glad I came and decided to play along with Brad. Now I understand why he didn't want to tell his parents about our break up today or why he didn't want to have to explain why I didn't show up. This night wasn't about us. It was about his parents and his brother. I imagine Louisa must be extremely happy right now to have her son back under her roof after eight years of him being away.

I place a smile on my face and she leans in for a hug. "You look lovely." She tells me.

I look down at the black dress I'm wearing. It was the first thing I thought to put on when I got dressed. "Thank you. So do you."

"Come on in. We're just getting ready for dinner."

Brad and I follow her into the house. The TV is on in the living room though nobody is watching. Brad's father, Clint, is already at the dinner table when we reach the dining room. Both Josh and Brad inherited Clint's broad shoulders, brown eyes, and long legs. They're all tall and look even taller when all three of them are together. Sitting at the dinner table is also Crystal. She is a firefighter at Clint's station. I am not surprised to see her here for one reason: Louisa has been going on about how much she was looking forward for Josh to meet Crystal. She likes her for her son. I don't blame her. Crystal is very beautiful and she's also very kind. And she's a firefighter which I'm sure is what Josh will be doing now that he's back. They already have so many things in common. Which is great.

I don't notice Josh in the room until he's hugging Brad. I stand there awkwardly but with a small smile on my face knowing how much they must have missed each other.

"Hey." They both say at the same time then chuckle.

"So good to see you, brother. You look good." Josh is telling Brad.

"Thanks." Brad is actually managing to smile and look like he means it. "Same to you." And then he puts an arm around my shoulders. "You remember Natalie, of course."

I look up and meet Josh's gaze. He looks bigger, buffer. The muscles in his arms are visible through the cashmere sweater he's wearing. His hair is a bit longer than how he usually kept it. He looks more mature. Intimidating. Nothing like the teenage boy who I once considered my best friend back in high school.

Josh's smile fades when he looks at me which hurts like a slap on the face. I suddenly feel embarrassed for being here. He doesn't look happy to see me. At all. He really doesn't. I shouldn't have come.

I don't even go for a hug, afraid he's going to deny it. I just nod with a smile. "Hello, Josh. Good to see you."

He looks at me but before he has the chance to say anything (didn't seem like he was going to say anything by the way), Louisa is already calling everyone to the table. Brad walks away and I stay there for a second, unable to look away from Josh's brown eyes. They are a chocolate brown. They seem darker than they are at the moment.

"Natalie?"

I break the staring contest to look at Brad who is pulling out a chair for me. "Oh, thank you," I say as I walk to him and sit. He takes the seat next to me.

"Natalie, you've met Crystal," Louisa says as she places a plate of pasta in front of me.

I smile at Crystal who is sitting across Brad. "Yes, I believe so. How are you, Crystal?" I pretend not to be distracted as Josh takes the seat directly across from me, next to Crystal.

She smiles. "I'm great. How are you? I heard about the engagement. Congratulations."

My smile fades as I glance down at the ring on my finger. This is harder than I thought it was going to be. What the hell was I thinking? I could be in the safe four walls of my room right now. I can't pretend everything is all right. I thought I could.

"You two are getting married." Josh states and I frown. I would think that Brad told him when he proposed to me. I guess he didn't. Not that it matters anymore.

"No," Brad finally says loudly and I turn to look at him in shock. "We're not."

There is a long moment of silence in the dining room as we all look at Brad. I'm shocked. The whole reason I'm here is because he didn't want to tell his parents and he just blurts it out like that? Now I'm even more worried about him than I was before.

"Brad?" Louisa breaks the silence. "What do you mean, honey?"

"What I said, mom. Natalie and I are not getting married. I cheated on her." He looks at me when he says that and I look down at the table. "She's only here because I asked her to."

Now I feel everyone's eyes on me. I keep looking down at the pasta in front of me. What a shame. It looks really good. Now all they're going to remember from this dinner is Brad's confession.

"Oh, Brad." The disappointment in Louisa's voice is as clear as day. There's some sadness in it too.

I think Brad hears it too because he stands up. "I'm gonna-I need to get out of here." He murmurs then turns around. We all stay silent as he walks out the front door then head him drive out in his car.

I finally get the courage to look up at Clint and Louisa. "I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Natalie." Clint assures me. "If anything, we should be the ones apologizing."

I bite my lip then stand up. "I should leave. Please don't be so hard on Brad." I tell them. "He really cares about your opinion and didn't want to disappoint either of you." I purse my lips. "Excuse me."

I grab my purse and make my way out of the house in silence. It's not until I'm outside that I realize that I don't have a ride to go home. I should have brought my car. I would have if I would have known that Brad was going to do that. I can't believe he told them all just like that. I hope he's safe tonight.

I stand on the sidewalk and cross my arms on my chest. I enjoy the silence for a moment. It's a chilly night. Such an eventful day. So many things have happened. I'm tired. I want to sleep. I decide an Uber is my best option to get home. I'm searching through my purse for my phone when I hear the door open behind me. My body tenses in an instant because I have a very good guess of who it is.

"Hey," Josh says as he stands next to me with his hands in his pockets.

"Hey," I say as I unlock my phone. "I forgot Brad was my ride."

"I know. I'll take you home."

"It's okay. I'll just get an Uber."

"Natalie," he says then pauses and waits for me to look up at him. "Let me take you, please."

I can't speak for some reason so I just nod. "I'll go get the keys," he says then makes his way back to the house. I wait outside and try to calm my nerves. I don't know why he makes me so nervous. I don't remember it being like this back in high school. Then again, so many years have passed. We're both different people. He's different.

I don't live far from here. Only about a twenty minute drive. I hope it goes by fast. I don't know why I'm so scared of being alone with Josh. He makes me feel things. Maybe it's just because of what happened the last time we were alone. Maybe if I got answers to my questions, then I will feel better. I hope we can be friends again.

God knows I need a friend right now.