I died loving Him. Now I'm back

Selene's POV

I woke up screaming, not remembering the reason why, it just happened.

One second I was somewhere dark and cold, the next I was sitting in my own bed with my heart racing at a faster pace.

I remembered everything. The knife, the way that Camille looked at me before she used it. She didn't look angry, that was the worse part, she looked like someone who was getting the job done.

I grabbed the headboard, I thought I might fall off the bed. My whole body was covered in sweat. For a second I did not know where I was or what time it was, or if I was even alive.

Then I looked around the room and found out that I was still in my old bedroom. Not the room in the Vance house, not the room where I had died.

My childhood room, my mom's old curtains were still hanging like nobody had taken them down.

"No," I said out loud, even though nobody could hear me. "No, no, no". Saying it loud did not change anything, the room was exactly the same. I put my hand in the place where Camille had pierced me and found nothing, there was no cut, no blood.

I checked my wrist too. There was no mark. That's the mark of a wolf when they get mated, I didn't have one.

The point is either I had died and this was some weird version of heaven or I was alive again in a body that had not yet lived any of it.

I got up and went to the mirror over my dresser. My brother had cracked that mirror years ago by throwing a boot at me. I still remember that.

I looked at my own face for a while, I looked younger. Not the tired face that I had as a result of marrying someone who barely spoke to me

None of it made sense. My memories didn't match my body, I don't know how else to say it.

I remembered getting married. Three years. I remembered Camille's voice right before she killed me, telling me that I was not needed again now that the merger was done.

I remembered the knife going in, then darkness.

I sat on the floor and pulled my knees up to my chest. I used to do that when I was little whenever I was scared and wanted my mom to find me.

Nobody came this time. The house was quiet. My dad was probably still asleep down the hall and so was Theo. Nobody knew that the wedding that everyone was happy about ended with me dead on somebody else's floor.

I didn't sleep the rest of the night.

I thought about Damon, always standing near Kellan, never saying much. I thought about Mara at a funeral that never happened because there was no funeral, just a quiet burial that Kellan barely showed up for.

I thought about the guards that used to stand outside my room, they worked for me but they reported everything to Kellan instead.

It took me three years to notice that. Mara probably would have figured that within the week.

By morning, I had already come up with a conclusion.

I wasn't doing any of this the same way again. I wasn't going to stand there while other people made decisions about my life.

I heard footsteps in the hallway. My dad's footsteps. I wiped my face, I guess I had been crying without noticing, and got up off the floor right as he opened the door.

"You're up early," he said.

Then he stopped and gave me an intense stare as a tender expression could be seen on his face.

"Selene. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just couldn't sleep."

"You've been crying."

"It's nothing, Dad. Really."

He didn't look like he believed me. He never did, actually. My father had a way of seeing straight through whatever calm face I put on, and normally I found that annoying. That morning it almost broke me.

But before he could push, Theo's voice came from down the hall.

"Alpha Hart. There's a rider here from the Vance Pack."

My dad turned toward the door. "What does he want?"

"He says the dinner will be happening in two weeks time.."

I didn't move.

Two weeks. Not three months like I thought.

Two weeks until I had to share the seat with Kellan again. Two weeks until I saw Camille for the first time in this life.

I survived that dinner once. And I had three years to get ready for it back then. This time I had fourteen days.

"Selene." My dad looked back at me, softer this time. "You don't have to be scared. Kellan is a good man, from what I've heard."

I chuckled a little because I knew that at this point he was out of options.

"I know, Dad." There was no point saying anything else. "I just need a minute."

He left.

I dressed slowly that morning.

When I finally went downstairs, my dad was talking to one of his advisors at the table as there were maps everywhere.

"Two weeks isn't enough time to plan a proper dinner," the advisor said. "The seating alone takes days."

"We'll manage," my dad said. "Selene, have a seat and ear," he said without looking at me.

I sat down. I didn't eat much.

"You're quiet this morning," my dad added.

"I have a lot on my mind."

"That's understandable. It's a big change."

"Yeah," I said. "Something like that."

"Your mother would have known what to say to you right now," he said in a low tone "I'm not always sure I do."

"You're doing fine, Dad."

"Am I? I moved your wedding up by four months without even asking how you felt about it."

"You didn't move it. Kellan did."

"I still agreed to it."

"You always agree to things that protect the pack. That's not the same as not caring."

He looked at me for a while, like he wasn't used to hearing me defend him. "When did you get so wise?"

If only he knew the real answer to that.

Theo came in a few minutes later, looking like he hadn't slept either, as he had a teasing look on his face.

"I can't believe that you can be this serious," he said.

"I'm always serious," I said.

He looked at me with raised eyebrows.

"You fell asleep during your own engagement announcement two weeks ago."

"That was different."

"Was it?"

"I was tired. It happens to people."

"Sure. Keep telling yourself that."

I didn't answer that one. He let it go, mostly, and took a piece of toast off my plate instead as I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

There was a piece of paper on the table between my dad and the advisor. A guest list for the dinner.

My dad wasn't paying attention to it anymore, so I picked it up myself.

"Anything interesting?" Theo asked, leaning over my shoulder.

"Just names."

"Recognize any of them?"

More than you know, I thought.

I scanned the list slowly, checking every name against six years of memory. Most of them matched exactly what I expected. Elders. Advisors. A few Vance cousins whose faces I barely remembered.

Camille was already on it. Of course she was. Seated right next to Kellan, exactly like I remembered.

Then I saw another name near the bottom. Added later, in different handwriting.

Kane.

Selene's POV

Two weeks. I kept saying it to myself over breakfast until it didn't even sound like words anymore. Just noise.

I found Mara out in the training yard. She had a blade in each hand and her hair braided back tight, like always.

"You're up early," she said. "Did the sky fall?"

"Something like that."

I picked up a practice blade off the rack. In my old life I never really touched a weapon. I just let Kellan's guards handle everything. I thought that's what a good Luna was supposed to do. Stand back. Trust that people would protect you.

That didn't work out so well last time.

"Spar with me," I said.

She raised an eyebrow but didn't argue. She never does when I get that tone in my voice.

She had me on my back in about thirty seconds, blade at my throat.

"Rusty," she said, pulling me back up. "What's actually going on with you?"

"Nothing's going on."

"You've said 'nothing's going on' three times this week. That's not nothing, Selene, that's a pattern."

I wanted to tell her so bad. Mara never once lied to me back in my old life. She never treated me like I was fragile. But how do you explain something like dying and coming back. There isn't a version of that sentence that doesn't sound insane.

"Bad dream," I said instead. "About the wedding."

Her face changed a little. "The Vance thing? Selene, your dad hasn't even signed anything yet."

"He will. He needs the merger." I picked my blade back up. "The northern border's been bad for months, hasn't it. All that stuff with Kane land."

Mara had a calm expression on her face.

"How do you know about that? That's council stuff. Dad hasn't even told the pack yet."

Oops.

"Theo told me," I said.

"Theo doesn't know that either. I'd know if Theo knew that."

"Maybe he heard it somewhere."

"Maybe." She didn't sound convinced. She never sounds convinced when I'm lying, which is inconvenient, considering how often I've had to lie to her lately.

"You know," she said, "for someone who just had a bad dream, you sure know a lot about border politics before seven in the morning."

"I read a lot."

"You've literally never read a council document in your life. I watched you fall asleep on one once. Drooled on it, actually."

"That happened one time."

"It happened enough times that I remember it specifically."

"People change, Mara."

"Not overnight they don't." She looked at me for a second, the way she does when she's deciding whether to push or let something go. "So what happened to you."

I didn't answer that one.

"You're doing the thing," she said.

"What thing?"

"The thing where you go somewhere else in your head and pretend you're still standing here talking to me." She crossed her arms. "You used to do it right before every big performance review with your dad. I always figured it meant you were scared, but trying not to show it."

"I'm not scared."

"Selene. You are, quite literally, sweating through your shirt right now."

"That's from sparring."

"Sure it is."

She let it go, but I noticed her watching me sideways for the rest of practice, kind of like how she watches a new recruit she doesn't fully trust with a weapon yet. That one stung a little.

We sparred again and I actually lasted almost a whole minute this time, which felt like a big deal for someone who hadn't picked up a blade in this life until an hour ago.

Theo found us out there a little later and dropped a stack of papers on the bench. "Land surveys," he said. "Old agreements between us and the Vance Pack."

"This is going to be fun."

"It's not supposed to be fun, it's supposed to be useful. If Dad's really doing this, you should at least know what you're worth on paper. Because trust me, he does."

I looked at my brother and felt something in my chest hurt a little. In my old life Theo fought this whole merger too, right up until the wedding actually happened. Then he just went quiet, like everyone eventually does around Kellan. I used to think he just lost interest. Now I know better.

"Thanks," I told him, and I meant it.

"Don't thank me. Fight it." His jaw was tight. "There's other ways to protect that border."

"Maybe."

"Not maybe. There is. I've been saying it for months and nobody listens to me because I'm the little brother who's supposed to sit quietly and inherit things later."

"I listen to you."

"You're only listening now because you're scared. Which, by the way, you also never used to admit."

If only he knew how right he was.

He hung around a minute longer, watching me actually pay attention to the papers for once. "You're different lately," he said. "Sharper. I don't know if I like it or if it worries me."

"Can it be both?"

"With you it's usually both."

He left me sitting there. I spent the rest of the day going through those documents, and that's where I found the name for the first time. Damon Reyes. Just a small mention, tucked into a note about some old boundary dispute.

I would've skipped right past it if I didn't remember how he always stood a step behind Kellan. Always close enough to hear everything. Nobody ever thought twice about him.

I actually said his name out loud once, quietly, just to see how it felt in my mouth now that I knew what I knew. It felt wrong. Like a word I used to trust that had gone sour without me noticing.

That evening I told myself I needed air. Really I just needed to be somewhere my dad couldn't see my face. I walked out toward the edge of Hart territory, further than I meant to, until I smelled smoke. Woodsmoke. Way too deep in our land for that to make sense.

I followed it. Bad idea, obviously it was my kind of thing.

The path got narrower. The forest got quiet in that way that makes you feel like something is watching you.

I should have turned around. I didn't.

There were two people in a small clearing up ahead. Standing close, talking low. One of them I didn't know at all. Tall guy, dark coat, definitely not anyone from either pack.

The other one I knew right away. Damon Reyes.

I pressed myself against a tree and held my breath. I caught pieces of what they were saying. The word merger. The word timing. Then, carried on the wind, four words that made my whole body go cold.

"...before she remembers everything."

I stood there completely frozen. They weren't talking about the merger at all.

They were talking about me.

I must have moved without realizing it because a twig snapped under my boot, loud in that quiet clearing.

Both of them stopped talking.

Nobody moved for a second. I didn't even breathe.

Then Damon turned his head.

Not toward the noise in general. Straight at the tree I was hiding behind, like he already knew exactly where I was the whole time.

We looked right at each other for a second.

Then he smiled.

Selene's POV

I don't even remember walking home. One second I was standing against that tree trying not to breathe, and the next I was in my room with the door locked, shaking so bad I had to sit down before my legs gave out.

Before she remembers everything.

Four words. Whoever said that knew exactly what I was. Not guessed. Knew.

Damon said it. Kellan's own beta. The guy who's stood next to him my whole life, basically, close enough to hear everything and never say a word about any of it.

I used to think that made him loyal. Now I don't know what to think.

I decided two things that morning. One, I wasn't telling Mara yet. Two, I wasn't going anywhere alone again until I figured out who else knew what I was.

Eleven days until the dinner.

Breakfast was rough. My dad kept talking about treaty stuff like it was nothing.

"You're quiet again," he said, not looking up from his tea.

"Just tired."

"You said that yesterday too."

"It's been a tiring week."

"Selene." He set his cup down. "Is this about the wedding, or is this about something else."

I almost laughed, not because it was funny, but because he had no idea how big that question actually was.

"It's about the wedding," I said, which was technically true.

He studied me a second longer than I liked, then let it go, the way he does when he decides pushing won't get him anywhere. Theo, across the table, was not nearly so polite about it.

"You've been weird for weeks," Theo said around a mouthful of toast.

"I've been weird my whole life, according to you."

"This is a different weird. This is 'my sister is planning something and won't tell me' weird."

"I'm not planning anything," I said.

"You're clenching your jaw right now," Theo said. "You always clench your jaw like that right before you lie to me about something."

I hadn't even noticed I was doing it until he said it. I forced my jaw to relax, on purpose, trying to prove him wrong.

That was the mistake. The second he watched me catch myself doing it and stop, his grin got even bigger, because now I'd basically just admitted he was right without saying a single word.

"Ha. Knew it," Theo said.

"You didn't prove anything," I said.

"That right there just proved my whole point." He reached over and took a piece of bacon straight off my plate, not even a little bothered by the look I gave him. "You've got a tell. Everybody's got one. Yours is the jaw thing. You'll tell me what's going on eventually, you always do."

I hoped he was wrong about that, for his own sake more than mine.

I went back to the papers Theo gave me and read every little note twice. Damon's name kept showing up in weird spots. Boundary deals. Trade stuff that moved things away from smaller packs up north and toward some Alpha I'd never heard of before in my old life.

Elias Kane.

I sat with that name a long time, turning it over. It didn't match anything I remembered, and that scared me more than a name I recognized would have. At least with a familiar threat I know what I'm dealing with.

I sent Mara out to the border markets to ask around. She came back that night looking rattled, and Mara doesn't rattle easy.

"People talk," she said, sitting down next to me, keeping her voice low even though nobody else was around. "About the fire that killed Kellan's dad."

"What do they say?"

"That it started in the wrong part of the house. That Damon found the body, and he was already dressed like he was about to leave town."

My mouth went dry. "When exactly did that fire happen?"

"Same week Kellan rejected his fated mate." Mara looked at me funny. "Why does that matter to you?"

"I don't know," I said. "It just feels important."

"You always say that when you actually do know."

"Mara."

"Fine. Fine. I'm dropping it." She held her hands up. "For now."

"Thank you."

"I said for now. Don't get comfortable."

She sat there a second, studying me the way she does before a fight, like she's mapping out where I'm weak. "You know I'd help you with whatever this actually is, right? You don't have to solve it alone just because you're used to solving things alone."

"I know."

"Do you, though?"

I didn't answer that one either, and she sighed like she'd expected as much.

"There's something else," she added. "The guy who moved the dinner up wasn't sent by Kellan. His advisor's office sent him. No order from Kellan at all."

"How do you even find stuff like that out?"

"I ask the right people the right questions." She shrugged, though I could tell it had cost her something to get that answer. "People tell you a lot if you look impressed enough by their job. It's genuinely embarrassing how easy it is."

Somebody moved that timeline on purpose. I sat with that thought a long time after Mara went to bed.

I was still awake when someone knocked on my door, way past midnight. Too late to be Theo. Too quiet to be my dad.

I opened it and found one of our guards standing there, pale, holding out a folded note with a wax seal the color of dried blood.

"This came for you," he said. "The guy who dropped it off wouldn't give a name."

"What did he look like?"

The guard hesitated. "Ordinary, my lady. That's the weird part. I couldn't even tell you his hair color. It's like my brain just slid right off him."

"That's not creepy at all," I said, mostly to myself, and he gave me a look like he agreed completely but wasn't paid enough to say so.

"Should I wake your father, my lady?"

"No." The word came out faster than I meant it to. "No, that's all. Thank you."

He looked like he wanted to argue, but he didn't. He just nodded and left, and I stood there in the doorway a moment longer than I needed to, note still unopened in my hand, already dreading whatever was inside it.

I should have been more worried about that. But my hands were already moving, already breaking the seal.

Inside, in handwriting I didn't know, were six words that felt like ice going down my back.

I know what you remember, Selene.

My hands went cold around the paper. I read it again, and again, like the sixth time might make it mean something less terrifying than it did the first.

Then I turned it over, and my whole body went still.

Pressed into the corner, almost hidden in the fold, was the shadow of a second seal underneath the first one. Vance crest wax. Not the plain kind couriers use. The expensive kind. The kind that's kept locked in a cabinet inside the estate itself, handed out to exactly nobody who doesn't already have a reason to be trusted in that house.

My stomach dropped somewhere past the floor.

Whoever sent this note hadn't been hiding outside the walls I was about to marry into. They were already inside them.

I shoved the note under my mattress and blew out the candle.

That's when I heard it. The door handle, turning.

Barely a sound at all, like whoever was doing it was trying hard not to be heard.

I grabbed the blade from under my pillow and pressed my back against the wall.

I felt the handle finish its turn.

And the door opened.

A voice came out of the dark before I could even raise the blade. Quiet. Almost gentle. Close enough that I felt it more than heard it.

"You weren't supposed to come back."