His Unwanted Bride

Pain.

Disgust.

Unloved.

These words explain what I have felt for so long it has become part of me.

The pain I feel each time I wake up, knowing that no one wants me, not even my parents give a shit about me.

The disgust I feel each time I look in the mirror and see what I look like. Fat. Ugly. Disgusting. The cellulite on my thighs, the stomach, the dark stretch marks on my hips and everything, the oversized breasts that surprisingly have no stretch marks, the fat are that looked like that of a heifer.

The love I craved for everyday but never got it. I never really had friends because upon being fat and black, I was socially awkward. Very awkward. It was difficult to strike up a conversation with someone and when someone does it or when I manage to do it, I can't maintain it. So I never had friends to listen to me or a shoulder to cry on when I couldn't hold it all in anymore or a friend to at least lie to me and say "You are pretty, you don't look as disgusting as you think you do."

My parents weren't ever there. My mum was a big shot model who never wanted a child because it would ruin her perfect figure. Yes. Upon being all gross and fat, I am an accident. So when she gave birth to me, she went back to her normal life until cancer claimed her when I was 9. My dad, yeah. Another person that saw me as a mistake. He wasn't ready to be a dad when I was born but because he will need an heir in future, he didn't tell her to get rid of it or anything but he didn't want any more accidents, so he told my mum to do something to prevent further accidents, thus she tied her tubes. They didn't want me, never did. So they never cared enough to check if I ate, if I stayed out till 3 am, if I didn't even come back at all. I was just there in their uselessly big mansion which they used to show off, which never felt like home, which looked more like a museum (which was definitely not childproofed) than a home.

I hated mirrors so much, they showed me what I felt everyday. How heavy I am. I have tried a lot of times to lose weight but after each attempt, I got more depressed and went back to eating almost more because after working out for a while, who doesn't get angry when she doesn't see results?

Did it hurt? Yes. Did I stop eating? No. Did I get bigger? Hell Yes!!

Most times, whenever I see people celebrating their birthdays, I can't help but wonder what it feels like to do that. Yes, in case you are wondering, I have never ever celebrated my birthday. Today being one of those days, I am, as usual holed up in my room and thinking about my life and crying my eyes out. In all my 19 years on earth, my birthday has never been celebrated because uhm hellooo. Have you met my parents? But it's all good though. I plan on making my next birthday a memorable one, one I won't forget anytime soon, have all the fun in the world, love myself and stuff like that.

My name is Danica Maya Roberts. I'm 19 years dark skinned black girl and yeah, probably the biggest and most insecure black girl of them all.

*****************************************

"Miss Maya, your father requests your presence in his office." Mr Howard said through my room door. Mr Howard is the butler and has been with us since as far back as I can remember. He is a greying old man with the cutest granddaughter, Angel, who was the apple of his eyes. I smoothed my hands down my sweater which was big and mid thigh length. I put on my slippers, hoping that maybe he remembered it was my birthday. The sad thing is, even though I knew my parents, I still couldn't help but hope each year that maybe they'd remember my birthday. Up until my mum died, I kept hoping. Last year, I hoped. Every other year, I really hoped.

I knocked and patiently waited for him to invite me in. When I heard the distant "Come in", I walked in. There he was, the king sitting on his iron throne and reading the paper as he usually does all morning while sipping coffee. At 47, he didn't really look a day older than he did when he was 45.

" Good morning Sir." I said while I waited for him to acknowledge my presence. I was always awkward around him because I didn't know how to react around him. When I was 4, my mother had strictly said I shouldn't call her mum or mummy or mother or mama since it made her feel old. Just her name. My father hadn't said anything and so, I didn't know what to call him. So I just stuck with Sir since that's what the workers call him.

"Maya how are you today?" He replied. Was he really interested? I didn't think so. It was probably just for formalities sake.

"I'm fine, thank you. I believe you are in good health." I replied. Such formal stuck up conversation between father and daughter.

"Yes I am, thank you for asking. I called you in here to let you know that there will be a marriage between you and Mrs. Amanda James' son, Keith."

I blinked once, twice, thrice. "Sir?"

"The wedding is scheduled to hold a week from today. Everything is already taken care of, all you have to do is show up."

"I don't understand."

"I am not speaking French Maya. I am expanding the business and it's a sort of partnership."

"But I don't want any of that."

"We don't want a lot of what we get in life Maya. You are my heir, but you can't handle the business. I am not only expanding it but I'm also securing it. This business has been in this family for 3 generations and I will not let it fold up in my hands."

"But I am just 19. I'm not yet ready to do this."

"I wasn't ready to be a parent when you came Maya. Life happens, you just have to move on. It will be a court marriage and unfortunately, I won't be around on that day, so it will be just you and Keith in there exchanging your vows. Here's a copy of the contract, go through it whenever you want to." He completed as though there was nothing wrong with what he said.

I didn't say anything except take the document from him and then left. I refused to cry in front of him. But immediately my hand touched my door nub, the first tear dropped, and then the second and third and then the dam broke free.

I hated my life, I hated myself for being so weak I couldn't even stand up against my own father, I hated the fact that people pushed me around and I didn't do anything about it, I wished so much I was never born.

"Do you Danica Maya Roberts take this young man as your lawfully wedded husband?"

"Yes I do." I muttered, my heart pounding in my chest while I felt like crying my eyes out. I then heard him mutter his own "Yes I do".

" I now pronounce thee husband and wife." We didn't kiss, the weight of the ring on my finger felt alien and I hated it.

The sad thing is, I could see the stark disgust in his eyes. The first thing he asked his mother right there in my presence when I saw them that morning was "She's black? How come you never told me she's black? I don't do black girls mother...and you could have chosen a slimmer person not this."

Wow, I know. Racist much? Chubby hater much? It wasn't nice of him at all, and all his mother said was "It's for the business son. Deal with it."

Right there in my presence! Have some regards for my feelings please! I didn't ask for it, I didn't want it, I never even dreamt of it. It was just another bad meal life dished out to me and there was nothing I could do about it.

When everything was complete, his mother left first and then he followed. I watched his back disappear and I smoothed my hand down my gown. It was a simple gown that showed little to no cleavage. It was free and I liked it. I followed them and soon I was outside. My "husband" hadn't said a word to me since we met. Not one word. All I knew is that his name is Keith Edward and that he was from Australia (hence the accent) and he was 25 years old. He was tall, and his green eyes, uneven lips and black hair somehow made him into a thing of beauty. He was a heartbreaker, that much was obvious.

"I don't have the time in the world to waste here waiting for you to crawl to the car." He said with annoyance in his voice. I walked faster and entered the car, sitting as far away as possible. He was disgusted by me, I didn't want to annoy him more by mistakenly touching him.

His first words to me. I joined him in the limo and sat at the far end of the car, giving him his space. When we got to the house, I wasn't surprised or amazed at what I saw. Another house that looked like it came out of an interior deco magazine, just like my parents'. He probably has maids that work there, just like my father.

I followed him in like a lamb led to the slaughter because that was how I felt. I was surprised when I got in there and didn't see anybody bustling around the house because the master of the house just returned. There was no maid, no butler, nothing. Suddenly I was scared. I didn't know how to do anything. How was I supposed to do all the cleaning and cooking on my own?

"From the look on your face, I assume you understand the work already cut out for you. I don't like staying in a dirty environment. I don't like the idea of refrigerated food, so I expect you to make my meals everyday. I'm not having sex with you, so don't expect anything from me. This is an open marriage. I do have a girlfriend who i actually give a shit about. I dunno if you have anyone that gives a shit about you but just don't drag my name down whenever you do whatever you want to do. And PLEASE, don't show your cleavage around me. It's disgusting. Your room is the one down the hall. Do not ask me where I have been, what I have been up to, shit like that. Do not speak to me unless it is totally necessary. That will be all for now."

"I don't know how to cook." I said in a low voice.

"But you know how to eat like a cow." He replied and it felt like another knife was being slowly but steadily sliding into my heart. It hurt. I never did anything to deserve all the insults I got from people.

"I can't clean this place alone. Its too much, and just like you I have never done house chores in my life." I said almost pleading with him.

"Better learn then." He said and then walked out. I sighed. I knew what he was doing. I read the contract and saw a clause which said that if one party chickened out, the other will take all. If I left the marriage, everything my father worked for will go to my husband's family. I didn't want my father to hate me more than he already did. Another clause also said we could get a divorce whenever we wanted. BUT before then, we must have a child, preferably a son to take over.

I bit my lip so as not to cry but I failed. Those pathetic nerve wrecking sobs left my mouth. I was weak. I couldn't do anything to help my situation.

I sighed as I pulled out the bottle of orange juice and emptied its content into the glass cup that sat on the table. It was just 8am and I was preparing breakfast for my husband of 3 years.

Its funny how my life had changed, yet it was still the same. I was still the same insecure girl, just older and dressier, and by dressier I mean I no longer wear sweaters so much not that I had become a Barbie kinda girl with pretty dresses and make up, I did not put on more weight and I had learnt a lot in cooking and cleaning.

That was all that I was to my husband, his cook and his cleaner. Not his fuck buddy, not his best friend, not even his acquaintance, nothing. In all honesty, apart from giving me work related orders and stuff like that, he never paid any attention to me. He was hardly around even.

When he was around, he usually came home with other women. His "said girlfriend", the one he gave a shit about on our wedding day had said she didn't want anything to do with him anymore, hence the numerous women I see him with every night, in his matrimonial home/bed. Who the fuck does that? Obviously someone with no regards for another's feelings. It was obvious he didn't respect me, it was obvious he was doing all that to provoke me into leaving the marriage but I refused to be the one to breach the contract.

I heard the door to his room upstairs open and close and then his light footsteps followed. I wouldn't have heard him at all if it hadn't been for how silent the house was. Cold, silent, like an abandoned castle.

Soon, he appeared. Cold green eyes and his black hair was still somewhat wet. If there is something I have always been proud of about myself, it was the fact that I am an honest person. I could honestly say that I married a beautiful man. The fact that he treated me like shit didn't change that fact nor blind me. The same way, I could honestly say that my worst nightmare in highschool, Jason, who had bullied me and said the meanest things was a handsome fellow.

I looked at my him and said good morning, to which he didn't reply as he sat down for breakfast. Then he glared at the juice before him.

"What is this?" He growled and I muttered "Orange juice."

"I remember saying specifically that I wanted strawberry, not any other thing."

"I have to go to the store. I forgot the strawberries were finished so I..."

"You really are good for nothing." He muttered as he pushed the tumbler away before he started eating. I felt tears well in my eyes. It hurt. I will never be used to the hurtful things people hurl at me. Useless, big for nothing, good for nothing, fatso, pig, cow, what had I not been called? At least he hadn't called me a fatso before. That would have really broken me.

My eyes travelled down his left hand. It wasn't there. The silver band that was proof that he was married wasn't there. I had known for a while now that he never wears it. I looked down at my own fingers and saw the plain silver band which I had gotten so used to that I didn't feel its weight anymore.

I sighed and took an apple from the basket of fruits on the table before leaving to dress up for school that day.

On my way down, my phone rang. I smiled a little when I saw the callerID.

"Hey sweetie." I said as I tucked my hair behind my ear. The way I dressed changed, courtesy of my best friend Avery, who I was on the phone with.

I met Avery on the day he asked me for directions in college. We hit it off immediately...and by hit it off, I mean he decided immediately that I was his bestie, but being the socially awkward person I was/am, I couldn't do much to help myself. He kept pushing and refused to give up on me and here we are, Besties. He is studying fashion and designing while I am a veterinary medicine student.

This was my 4th year in college and his second, we are age mates and he is gay. He knew I was married and the circumstances surrounding my marriage, he knew what my life had been like and that was why he insisted that I embrace my body and dress well. Did I embrace my body? No. Did I dress well? Not really, just better so he won't be mad at me.

"Hey Nica. I'm waiting for you in the car."

"I'm on my way out now. Lemme just grab your muffins." He said okay and disconnected. On my way into the kitchen, I felt my blood run cold when I saw my husband still there and on the phone. And just as I walked in, he disconnected, not sparing me a glance, he walked out and into the parlour to get whatever it was he wanted. I put the plates away immediately and grabbed the muffins and jogged out of the house...okay I didn't really jog out. Just walked faster. I really hoped he would remain inside until I left the house. Of all days for him to waste time, it had been the day Avery had decided to pick me.

We exchanged pleasantries and then he took a muffin and bit into it and moaned, kissing my cheek in a totally friendly manner. I was proud that my cooking had improved to that level. I raised my eyes and my smile disappeared immediately as my eyes met Keith's cold green eyes. There was anger in them as he looked at me before he looked away and got into his car. Beside me I heard Avery say "Is that your husband? Damn girl I want a taste of that."

I paid no attention to what he said because my mind was occupied with something else. Why was he angry?

"He seemed angry to me though. Angry and jealous." Avery said as Keith's car came to life and he drove off with so much speed he left skid marks on the ground.

"Very jealous." Avery completed beside me.

I snorted in an unladylike manner as I remembered what he said the first day we met.

I don't give a shit about you.

He has been true to his words. I could be out till 5am and he wouldn't question me. He didn't care if I had men by the side, so long as I did what I was supposed to do, he'd never be on my case.

"Nah. He's not. Come on let's go. I have just 15 more minutes. Don't want to be late." I said and he nodded and we left.

***************

"I'll pick you up by 7pm. Wear that dress Nica! Or I'll be really upset with you." Avery said as I shut the door and waved at him as he drove off. I walked into the house.

I was a strange person. I lived to please others. Was it as a result of my insecurities? I had no idea but I knew I was going to wear that dress just to make him happy because he picked it out for me.

I dropped the shopping bag and my school bag on the table and ventured into the kitchen, on a quest to find a long cold glass of orange juice. Just then, I remembered the grocery shopping, so I just took my stuff to my room and grabbed my car keys and went to the store. I bought every necessary thing, ranging from shaving sticks for Keith to foodstuffs.

When I got back home, it was 5:45pm and his car and one other car were parked outside. I went into the house, preparing myself for whatever judgmental look I'd get from whoever was in there with him. I saw them sitting and playing a soccer game on the hooked up PS4 Pro. I shook my head. Boys will always be boys. I greeted them. His friend just a nod, Keith no response at all as he swore at his friend as they played.

I just went into the kitchen and prepared dinner, remembering I had an appointment. Avery wanted me to follow him to a birthday dinner. I couldn't say no to him.

I made spaghetti and turkey meatballs. Preparing the strawberry juice for him, I filled another glass tumbler with mango juice for his friend and served their dinner.

I quickly washed up and for the first time in 3 years, I took a deep breath and then turned to face the mirror. As usual, I saw the same thing. Boobs, belly fat, thunder thighs and ass. The nice word could describe my body was meaty. I had a soft body, so my thighs and ass jiggled easily, which is why I wore jeans a lot.

I went to my underwear drawer and pulled out two types. Granny panties and a lacy black thong. I laughed at that ridiculous attempt at underwear. I had never worn a thong before, so I decided to just try it on once.

My buttcheeks swallowed it all up once. The only thing that showed that I had it on was the part that covered my pubic area and the waist of the thong. I pulled on my tights to prevent my thighs from chaffing and then pulled out the dress. Taking a deep breath, I put it on and cursed myself for promising Avery I'd wear it.

It was a long sleeved bodicon dress that was free from the knee down. It was long enough to cover my feet and some material pooled on the ground. It showed cleavage. A lot.

Putting on my flats since no one could see my feet, I brushed my hair and put a little red lipstick on. Just then, my phone vibrated and it was Avery telling me he was waiting for me in front. I grabbed the clutch purse and my phone and went downstairs.

I peeked and saw that Keith had his back to me, so I let out a sigh of relief knowing that even if I said something, he wouldn't turn to look at me. I walked towards them and told him I wouldn't be back until 9and he just nodded. At that moment, his friend turned to look at him and his eyes widened as he choked on his drink. Turning to know why he choked, Keith's eyes widened in shock. After standing before them awkwardly for a few seconds, his next words felt like cold water was being poured on me.

"What the fuck are you wearing? And where are you going to dressed like that?"

I sucked in deeply as I felt my eyes water immediately. I turned and quickly opened the door and walked into Avery's arms accidentally.

"Don't fucking walk away from me when I'm talking to you Danica."

Taking in the situation before him, Avery immediately pulled me out and led me to his car and he drove off.

"You look beautiful.* he said after 5 minutes and I shook my head when I remembered the look on Keith's face when he got over his shock. If he looked at me like that, people at the dinner would too.

"They'll make fun of me." I whispered and he shook his head and said that they wouldn't, that I looked beautiful and hot. I didn't say anything. I just prepared myself for the mockery about to come.

**************

It had been a boring affair, which was why Avery wanted me to follow him. But they had said I looked beautiful and they had been honest.

"Thanks for coming with me Nica."

"No problem hun. Take care."

I walked into the dark house, assuming he had gone out as usual. Closing the door, I flipped the light switch on and almost screamed when I saw Keith sitting on the sofa and nursing a glass of whiskey.

Slowly, like a predator hunting his prey, he walked towards me. When he got really close to me, I could smell the drink on his breath as he repeated the same question he asked me before I left in a milder way.

"Where were you Danica?"

"went for a birthday dinner with my friend." My chest rose and fell with each breath I took, and for a while, his eyes stayed on my chest. Then he raised his eyes to meet mine.

"I don't want you to see him anymore."

"What? You can't do that. I'm not going to stop seeing him just because you what me to."

Suddenly, there was anger in his eyes, and before I could say any other thing, the unexpected happened. He kissed me.