Her Toxic Desire

"This Mother fucker"

I paced back and forth as my hands flew around, trying to keep the volcano at bay inside of me. Aleksander Smith could get under my skin in the seconds flat just by looking at me. The same way he was looking at me now, sitting on the end of the bed with no care in the world with his cocky eyebrow raised , and his stupid grin.

"What is the matter with you?!" My voice rose several octaves as I stared down at him. I was mad that I shook to my core

"There isn't anything wrong with me, but I can't say the same thing for you", Aleksander laughed in response.

His words hit me like a frieght train before I lost all control and lunged at him. I tackled him to the bed before l began to hit him. Over and over and over. He did this to me. He brought the monster out. I normally lost my temper too far and without thinking things through, I threw the first punch. But as I hit this prick, all he could do was laugh and it only threw gasoline on the raging inferno inside.

"Babe, babe," He laughed, "relax!"

But I didn't. I didn't relax at all as my fists connected with Alexander's rock hard chest. He grinned up at me as I went to strike him there next, but he grabbed my wrist and flung to my back. He pinned me beneath his strong body as I tried to wrestle free.

I hated him at this moment. How dare he take control when he was the one who needed to be punished! He was always doing this; taking control until he had me all sweaty and wanting more right before he put his pants back on and left me alone.

"Aleksander, you need to get off of me in five seconds, or..."

"Or what?" He smirked down at me, running a finger down along my throat and toward my cleavage as I sucked in a breath.

"Aleksander, don't," I warned as I tried to control the new fire burning deep inside.

Get your shit together, Melissa!

I couldn't and wouldn't let him win this time, no matter how much he affected me.

"Why are you fighting this?" His sandy, lust-filled voice made me shiver.

Damn him and all his maleness!

He was sexy, I'd give him that, but he was irresistible to all women, and that's all I fell into his trap all these years ago. He was the definition of tall, dark, and handsome. Throw in his five o'clock shadow, tattooed up body and aqua blue eyes, and he was poisonous; especially to me.

"You know why I'm fighting this?" I growled as I tried to squirm free once again.

His stupid grin was back as his eyes traveled down my neck, sending chills over my body as it betrayed me.

"Tell me," he wispered as his eyes filled with a brazen promise.

"Jane Wilson," I replied with a clip tone, making sure he had the venom in my voice.

He physically flinched at at her name and looked back down at me.

"Awe, come on, babe. Everyone's handling Jane," He laughed.

"So, if anyone jumped off a bridge to sudden death, you would it too?" I cocked an accusing brow at him, waiting for his stupid reply that I knew was coming.

"If I had to for one of my brothers, then hell yes."

A single tear slid down my face as I looked away from him. This was the last thing l wanted to hear from him, but I knew it was inevitable. He was a son of a bitch and he will never change.

"Get off of me." My voice cracked as I kept my gaze away from him.

Aleksander lifted himself off of me, but I couldn't move. I wanted him to fuck off so I could roll off up into a ball and cry my eyes out.

"She's just the bar whore, babe. She means nothing to me."

"Go tell it to someone who cares, because I don't anymore."

I sat up, holding my knees to my chest as the sensation of defeat washed over me.

Aleksander tried to touch me but I smacked his hand away.

"Don't fucking touch me," I hissed.

"Babe, you're being ridiculous. None of the other ladies get this upset over a fuck."

I whipped my gaze to him, and if looks could kill, he would be dead a thousand times.

"That's where you've fucked up, Aleksander. I am not like any of them! And if you think I can forgive and forget, then you're sorely mistaken."

"Melissa..."

"I said get the fuck out, Aleksander." I cut him off in mid sentence.

He stared at me for a long moment but I tore my gaze from his once more. I couldn't look at him, afraid that if I did, I wouldn't be able to stand a ground.

My heart was aching in a dreadful silence between us as I felt like my life was being turned upside down and twisted side ways. This wasn't how I pictured my lfe going at all. Aleksander gave out a breath and finally turned and left, leaving me to my demons.

I hated this. I hated knowing what this did to me. Every silent moment that passed fed my anger, when I had Alexander's motorcycle roar to life and he tore out of my driveway like a bat out of hell. At that I lost it. Grabbing the nearest thing-which was my favorite lamp - I threw it against the bedroom wall and screamed at the top of my lungs. I had so much rage inside that l shook as hot tears rolled down my face.

I couldn't keep living like this day after day; loving a man who didn't love me back. I was done.

Every time I try to love him, he cheats on me.

Flying into the clubhouse parking lot, I was glad to see that Alexsander's bike wasn't here as I jumped out of the car. I stormed into the clubhouse and noticed how everyone froze to stare at me. Then I saw the one person I didn't want to see: Jane Wilson. She was behind the bar, but when she saw me, she lost the color in her face and stepped back a few feet. If I wasn't on a mission , her head would be bashed into that bar in five seconds flat.

"Anyone seen Danny?" I took a deep breath and tore my gaze from Jane before I changed my mind and leaned over the bar.

Aaron, the club's prospect, stood up from his barstool and handed me a beer.

"I think he's in the back."

I gladly took the beer from Aaron, nodded, and then headed towards the back of the clubhouse. Once I was out of sight, I heard the voices from the bar start to back up. I knew they were all talking about me, but at this moment, I didn't give two shits. Let them talk.

For as long as I could remember, the clubhouse had been like the second home to me. If I wasn't actually at home, I was here. My dad used to bring me here when my mom was the famous meltdowns, or as dad would say, "Feeling sick." Now that I was older, I knew what my mom's meltdowns were. She had suffered addiction all of her life, and still did to this day.

It was the reason I had my own apartment at the young age of seventeen -years-old, and I had been on my own ever since.

I liked to believe my dad did it because he loved me and wanted keep me from seeing all of that, but I was never sure. He never said as much.

I tapped on Danny's door, waiting for his reply before I cracked it open and peeked in. This was his studio and the clubhouse's personal tattoo parlor.

Danny, who was the vice-president and my dad's best friend, was also like a grand parent to me. He was there the day I was born, and every day since.

"Who needs ink?" Danny shouted.

I stuck my head in further and smiled when I saw him leaning over a lit up artist's board, working on someone's next piece of ink.

"Hey, gorgeous." He grinned from ear to ear.

"What can I do for you, sugar?"

"I need some ink", I responded with a smile still on my face.

Danny did the best work in three states. The only way for me to relax and get things off my chest was a good old tattoo session with Danny. I got my stress removed by the pain of the needle and then I would have a therapy session with him. I could tell him anything.

"Uh-oh, what's got you down?" Danny asked.

He always knew why I was here, knowing that I got ink anytime I was angry; which was alot because I was covered in ink. Pretty soon, I'd run out of space.

I sighed as I slid into the room, shutting the door behind me. "I need some advice, Danny", I spoke in a low voice.

He rolled over to the tattoo bench and pointed before he began sterilizing the tray. As I slid onto the bench and laid my head back, I had to bite my tongue before I started crying. I hated showing emotions and hated crying in front of anyone. For fuck's sake, I was the president's daughter! I couldn't cry!

"I'm sure you have already heard it. It seems the rest of the damn club already does...."

Danny studied me for a long moment before he spoke softly. "That boy loves you, you know that."

I laughed. "Love. What the hell does that word even mean around here? You love someone when you fuck another woman? Because if that's even the case, I'm out. I don't want love."

"We're different breed, Melissa, you know that. I've watched you grow up and I know how different you are. You're different kind of old-lady, and I don't think Aleksander knows that yet."

"Well, he won't even know it..." I turned to him and sighed." I ended things today."

Danny nodded. " You're tough and you will get through this."

"Danny?", I called.

"Hmm?", He turned his attention to me.

"Has Angel ever been upset at you for something like this?", I asked.

"Nope, because I have never cheated on Angel. We have an understanding and our views are much different than the young generation of this club. Our bodies are for each other. Once we figured that out, we never had to worry about all that little shit."

I let out another sigh. How is it someone like Danny, who's been in the club nearly his all life, can be a good faithful man? But Alexander couldn't? How can Alexander say that I am his lady and throw around the L-word, but not show it or honor it?

"Don't think about it too much, Melissa. Alexander is a man and he has a lot to figure out before he knows what he really wants out of a lady like you."

"Well, it won't be from me," I admitted.

At my words, he stopped what he was doing and looked up at me.

"Are you telling me you have finally quit Alexander?."

I bit my bottom lip and looked over at him. I told myself just a few hours ago that I was done. Alexander Smith could go fuck himself, but now as I sat here getting ink, I wasn't sure at all. How could I be? Alexander had been in my life since we were born. He's the Sergeant at Arms for the club, and I was the treasurer, we would always be each other's lives one way or another. I knew I was in trouble, but I was so determined to prove everyone wrong.

This time I don't need him in my life.

Wicked Saints. For as long as I could remember, people feared that name or any one who wore a leather cut with that name on it. Nobody messed with them and nobody questioned them. Even though I thought about leaving the club life behind more often than not, I couldn't help but feel proud to be a wicked. I was untouchable, and as I looked around the meeting room at my club family, I couldn't help but smell something.

"Melissa, what are finances looking alike? We have a run on Saturday for.... What the hell is it for?"

Too many people, Axel Dunkens was a mean and cranky son-of-a-bitch, but he had a heart of gold when it came to his family and his club. He was a little rough around the edges with his salt-and-pepper hair and fadding tattoos, but to me, he was my dad. I hardly agreed with him and we often fought on everything, but he was my president.

"Children with MS," Aaron answered as he shifted in his seat. He was a strong asset to the club, but if he didn't stop being intimidated by Axel, he wasn't going to make it far.

Axel nodded before he turned to me. "Well?"

I flipped through some blinders in front of me.

"Funds are looking great. I can put together some stuff for donations, too." "Good. Meeting adjourned!" Axel slammed his gavel but threw a hand in the air. "Alexander. Melissa. Stay put for a moment." The guys all left, which left me in an uncomfortable situation as I sat back in the chair and crossed my arms over my chest. Aleksander, of course, had that stupid grin on his face again as he placed his tatted hands on the table and looked at Axel.

"What the hell is going on between you two now?" He looked between us, but I kept my mouth shut as I threw daggers at Alexander with my glare."Your daughter is pissed at me, it's nothing, Sir," Alexander replied. "Nothing?!" I shrieked as I leaned forward. I was seconds away from lunging across this table and finish what I had started earlier in my bedroom.

Axel smacked his hands on the table and pointed at the both of us. "Fix this shit now. I can't have you two at each other's throats right now. We have too much shit going on in the club to have you two being a bunch of baby-bitching assholes."

I scoffed." I am not a baby-bitching asshole!" I stood up and grabbed the binders. "There isn't anything to fix. We're through. It won't affect how I work, I can promise you that."

Axel nodded, but when I looked at Alexander my heart clenched. He looked at me with such hurt and confusion that he had lost his grin and his brows were furrowed together.

What the hell did he have to be hurt about? He did this to himself! If he thought I was just going to brush this under the rug like I always did, he was dead fucking wrong. I left the meeting room and stormed down the hallway towards the office. After I slammed the door and threw the binders on the desk, I took a deep breath. My lonely life was short loved when the office door flew open and Alexander stood in the doorway.

"What do you mean we're through?!"

"Alexander..." I backed up as he glared at me. He was all men and powerful with his strong shoulders stretching out the shirt he wore, and this damn cologne wafting in the air toward me. Fuck, he smells good.

He crossed his arms over his chest, and I nearly passed out from the sight of his bulging biceps.

Damn, he could make me forget how angry I was at him with a simple pose like this one.

"Like I said," My voice cracked, "we're through. There isn't anything to work out.", I added.

"Like hell we are!", Alexander marched forward and he grabbed me around the waist, but I pushed against his chest. "I screwed up one more time, and you're just going to throw this way?! You can't quit me even if you wanted to." His gaze had turned red hot as he stared down at me, holding me possessively to his chest.

I went weak in his arms like I always did, loving the feeling of being in his strong arms, but then I got a second wind and pushed him away. I had to stand my ground here. I couldn't let Alexander keep doing this to me.

"You can't make me forget what you did with you seductive fuck-me-eyes again. I said we're through and I meant it!", I gathered myself and spoke it loudly.

Alexander looked wounded, running his ink hand through his hair as he blew out a breath. "How many times do I have to tell you it was just a drunken fuck? Jane means nothing to me!" He shouted.

I could tell by the tone in his voice that he was angry and even panicking a bit.

"I don't care if it meant nothing to you! It meant a whole lot to me and this isn't the first time you've fucked up. I can't do this shit anymore, Alexander. I am not like the other old-ladies who just let their men to fuck whoever they want and then let them come back into their bed the same night. I was born into this life, but I don't want it. And I don't want you... Not anymore."

Wow. That came out a lot easier than I thought it would, and it made me feel liberated. I finally spoke the words that had been in my heart for a long time. It was only recently that I realized I didn't want Alexander anymore. He couldn't give me what I needed, and that was true love.

His face said it all when I was done speaking.

I had never seen Alexander cry, or even show any emotions, but right now he was showing a whole other side of himself.

He backed up until his back hit the office door as he stared down at his boots for what seemed like an eternity. Then he finally looked back up at me with red eyes, and my chest tightened.

"So, that's it?... We're done? Just like that?" He winced at his own words as he asked them.

My heart thundered as unshed tears burned the back of my eyes.

"We're done," I whispered.

I had fully intended to stand my ground, but it was hard. If I had spoken much louder, I would have ripped my heart wide open and bawled right here in front of the only man I'd ever loved.

With a single nod, Alexander turned and left the office, closing the door on me and my broken heart. It was over, but why did it hurt so much?