Her Imperfect Life

January 6, 2020.

"Tracy,what time is your first class?" Mum shouts from the kitchen.

"8am", I replied from my bedroom. I searched for my phone to check the time, it's 7:00am. I have 30 mins more left to eat and dress up, I know I spend so much time when I'm dressing up. Then I keep 30 mins for the road. I Know how hard it is over here to find a means of transportation. I'd have to trek a few kilometres to where I'll get a bike. Then to the park where I'll get a minibus. I'll have to alight from the mini bus when we get to the circus and pick a tricycle which will finally take me to school, all these plus possible traffic congestions. This is what happens when your parents decide to live in the rural part of town phewww!!!

I know mum is preparing breakfast for me. She does that almost every morning. She hates it when I go to school late. But I don't like eating in the morning, I always get so nervous. I don't know why but this morning I know the reason. It's my official first day in College. This feeling is so complicated, I feel so anxious and nervous and a bit scared too. Scared of the new phase of life I'm about to start, the new people I will get to meet with their different behaviours.

Questions keep running through my mind. What if I don't get to make new friends?What if I don't fit in?What's life like in college? This is always my dilemma when I'm about to start something new.

Can I ever be like others and just go with the flow? I ask myself while Rolling my eyes. I sigh and use my right palm to gently slap my forehead.

* * * *

My name is Treasure Johnson but my mum, siblings and friends call me Tracy, I'm still trying to figure out how the name came about. Only dad calls me by my full name. My dad and I aren't close. Maybe it's the fact that he used to behave like he's military but he only works in the police force as an Accountant. Well I said "used to" because now he is trying to loosen up but I don't just see myself playing and laughing or confiding in him. Mum's the opposite,though we do have issues a lot because of my rude attitude but I must say she's the best mum ever. Always going out of her way to make sacrifices for us.

I'm about adding final touches to my hair when the door suddenly opens.

My 15 year old brother, Andy barges in. I don't blame him. I gave him the liberty to sleep in my room ever since the panic attack I developed 2 years earlier.

From the way he is looking at me I know he wants something from me so I give him the "state your mission" look.

"Tracy, give me your phone to play games until you're ready to leave for school" He says, giving me this childish look. I was right!!! He needed something.

Well I can't say no, I'm too soft to.

" You can take it," I say to him.

He doesn't need to ask me for the password. The three of us uses the same password on our phones, this was before Andy's phone got spoiled Early this year.

I'm 3 years older than him and my older sister Diana is 2 years older than me.

We are no longer that close, I rarely call her ever since she got admission to study Accounting in the State University. Right now she's in her 3rd year in School and she comes home once in a while. Surprisingly, we're both studying the same course. Story for another day.

"Tracy"!!! I hear mum call again. This time I know she's angry and to confirm this she adds " I won't be Happy with you if you go late to class today"

"I'm coming, in a few minutes" I say.

I step in front of the mirror to give myself one final look. These days I spend so much time staring at myself in the mirror. I'm putting on a brown top with a few golden loops in the upper part of my chest.The down part of the top is cut in a "U" kind of shape in front and it is slitted on both sides. It is long enough to cover my small round buts. My black, short, poly skirt just goes a bit longer than my top and stops a few lengths away from my knees. My milky slippers fit with the colour of the small mini bag I got from my sister. It looks a bit faded. I made a mental note to get a few new clothes and a bag. I fold my book into two to fit into the bag.

I'm still contemplating if I look good to go, I don't like overdressing or underdressing if there's any word like that. I just love to blend in. Not like any one would even notice me, I have this low self esteem issues, I'm dark skinned. Few of the friends I manage to make are all fair skinned even my family are a bit light skinned.

Not that it's a crime to be dark skinned, I'm a Nigerian and I hail from the Southern part of my country. I have this feeling that guys over here are mostly attracted to fair girls.

Kpoi kpoi kpoi!!! I hear a knock on my bedroom door. This time I know it's my mum coming personally to drag me out. I stifle a laugh as I make my way to open the door and go out.

On my way to the dining room, I put my hand in my bag to look for my phone and check the time, then I recall I had given it to my Brother earlier.

"Andy, what's the time" I call out, "7:23", he replies from God knows where he is hiding.

"Oh my God" I gasped, sitting on one of the chairs in the dining room. I'm not surprised mum followed me here. She obviously wants to sit and watch me eat while shouting and urging me to eat fast like she normally does.

I stare at the fried ripe plantain with hot chocolate and get nervous again.

On a normal day I would take my time and eat this food to the last bite.

"Tracy, eat '' mum shouts at me. I sluggishly start eating while sighing, after a few bites and zips I can't take anymore. My stomach is screaming "You're gonna be late, and you'll have to use the front door on your first day in class, remember you're shy"

"I'm full" I turn to look at mum and say.

"No, eat a little more please" she says, "if you get an ulcer don't call me" she threatens.

"I'm going to be late if I don't leave now" I reply while standing up already. She sighs and gives a small nod as a sign of agreeing with me. I rush out the door while calling my brother to bring my phone.

* * * *

I reach school at 8:00, I'm at the Annex part of the school since that's where my department is situated.

I brought out my phone to confirm the venue of the class from our departmental group chat I was added to when I got admission.

New business lecture hall(Nblh) Rm2 it reads. I look around there are many students either going out of the gate or coming in, others are entering classes, the school looks so busy and filled up with people and cars, Of course it's a Monday, the first day of the week one shouldn't expect less. I walk forward a bit, to my right is the faculty offices, a rectangular building labeled with numbers, right of that is the bursary unit, the next building going in a circular shape is Accounting department, my department and opposite me with a small field in front is another rectangular building all painted Yellow this one is labeled Nblh. I smile and heave a sigh of relief and search for Rm2 with my eyes while walking towards it.

Getting there the Lecturer is already inside. Thank God it has two doors so I make the sign of a cross and walk in using the back door.

"Economics is a social science that studies the relationship between scarcity and resources as a means of satisfying human wants" I hear the lecturer say without break as I take a seat at the nearest space I could find at the back. I guess he is just starting and the class looks so full. Ecn110 happens to be our first course.

"Sir, please come again" a voice says, I can't locate the voice but it belongs to a guy.

"Did I come before?" The Lecturer replies causing the class to erupt into fits of laughter, I can hear oohs and ahhs as some people read different meanings into what he said.

The Lecturer looks like he is in his late thirties and has this strict looks, but he seems a bit playful and funny from the reply he just gave. I take out my book as the lecturer continues dictating the notes so fast and look around to confirm if he truly just started from someone. That's when I noticed this girl seated beside me. I recall her face from my very first time in this school when I paid my fees and came to be among the first to sign and stamp to avoid crowding up when it's rush hour.

"Hey Good Morning" I greeted her and she just nodded. She's busy on her phone while writing. Then she turns to look at me catching me off guard as I was lost admiring her physique and mode of dressing. She must be from the North because she was putting on a white coloured hijab,with a multi coloured, long, free flowing gown. When she later stands up I'd get to realize that she's a lot taller and slimmer than me. I've always wanted to be this tall but not this slim.

"Adara" she says while giving me a small smile. She must have noticed me staring at her, hence the reason for that smile.

"What?" I asked a bit confused.

"My name is Adara" she repeats. And continued writing. That was when I realized that I hadn't started writing yet and the lecturer had gone far.

"I'm Treasure" I replied to her and opened my notebook to start writing, then I remembered what I wanted to ask her.

"Tracy, you look familiar I'm trying to recall where I must have met you" she called me Tracy too I smiled.

"Yeah we met at the bursary unit a few weeks ago" I helped her out. "Please did this man just start the lecture?" I finally asked her.

"Oohh yeah I remember you now"she chuckled.

"Yes, he just started," she added. I wondered why she was just smiling. I shifted a bit closer in order to copy what I missed. I couldn't wait for the lecture to be over so that I could ask her where she is from. Talking now was a distraction. My goal is to graduate with a first class degree.

"So when do we meet again?" I hear the lecturer say. Signalling the end of his class.

"Tomorrow morning by 10:00", a guy replies. I recall he was elected the class representative by a senior colleague a few weeks ago when few of us met after signing and stamping our school fees receipt for a brief departmental orientation.

"No I won't be free, let's cancel the class and shift it to Saturday '' the Lecturer said. Immediately the whole class is in an uproar. Everyone is trying to talk at the same time. I'm in shock as well.

"But we just resumed, Saturday class, how?" I hear someone say.

"I have clothes to wash" I hear another say. They've said my mind already so I just frown.

"You"!!! The Lecturer says while pointing at a tall very skinny dark girl on a white shirt and blue stripes with blue faded jeans. "Leave my class" The man finished saying. Suddenly the whole class went so quiet that you could even hear a needle drop.

"But sir I wasn't the only one who shouted" she says trying to defend herself.

"I Know but I caught you shouting so you will serve as an example to others" He replied back. So she got up, packed her stuff and walked out. I feel both surprised and sorry for her.

"This Man is gonna be Strict" I hear Adara say beside me.

" If anyone has anything to say, why not raise your hand, I'll point at you and you say it instead of behaving like uncivilized human beings". The Lecturer says, sounding angry.

"When I said that I expected Us to negotiate whether it will be favourable or not but no you all started talking and shouting at the same time, has it changed anything??" He asks not really angry this time

"No" we chorused.

"I have the final say, for this attitude we meet by 11:00 on Saturday, Goodbye class" He says and Leaves the class. I don't know why but I turn to look at Adara and she's already looking at me so we share a knowing look and laugh.

"So You're from the north" I say more like a statement than a question.

" Nope, I'm from Edo State" she replied.

"Oooh but you're a Muslim?" I ask this time.

"Yeah, My dad is a Muslim but my mum is a Christian I do follow her to church sometimes,"she states. Interesting, I thought to myself.

"But when you're filling an official form and you're asked your religion you will choose Islam right?" I ask for further clarity. I know it's none of my business but I'm a curious and inquisitive person.

"Exactly," she says.

"Hi" I hear someone say to us, I turn around and see a smiling girl dressed in a knee length yellow gown. She has the most beautiful smile with dimples. She's with some set of girls. I recognize them from a few weeks ago too when we all went to stamp and sign.

"Hello" I replied back and smiled.

"I'm Treasure" she says. I gasp and smile too

"I'm Treasure too" she gives me another of her beautiful smiles." So we are namies" she says.

"I guess so". I replied to her.

"So You're T1" Adara says referring to the other girl "and you're T2" referring to me. Everyone there chuckles. We all took turns to introduce ourselves. There are six girls in total plus Adara and I making it 8. The dark and a bit chubby girl was Melody, she dressed a bit too holy, Then there was Peace,she was dressed so casual and simple, later I got to discover that she is very intelligent, and then Miracle, fairer than Adara, not too slim or chubby, Victoria, short with big buts and chest, super intelligent too and finally a girl with a name in our dialect which we transcribed to mean Endure.

* * * *

Classes Ends for the day and I find myself walking back home with these 7 girls. We seem to be heading the same direction in order to find a tricycle and head back home. So we gist about school stuff, at some point we all break off and go separate ways. Surprisingly only Adara and I are left.

"Where are you headed?" She asks I tell her and it seems we are heading almost in the same direction. Soon we boarded a minibus, after we settled in I asked her. "So what brought you to Akwa Ibom, I mean why did you choose University of Uyo".

She just smiles and says "nothing really, my dad decided we move down here because of his work"

I nodded, finally satisfied. At a junction we both alight. We bid our goodbyes and she crosses over to her house while I go ahead to board another tricycle heading to the side of my house and finally a bike, Very exhausting. Why I'm I not staying in school? I ask myself, well the last Time I brought it up with my parents.

My dad said he wanted to be able to watch and control me.

I got back home and mum asked about how school went. I gave her and my brother the gist.

Days soon turn into weeks, normal routine, nothing really special or interesting in school happens again for now. University of Uyo wasn't even my choice of school, I remember the day I came back from registering for Jamb, an examination we take in our country in order to gain admission. Dad asked which school I chose, after hearing I chose a school outside the state he got annoyed and ordered me to go change it. I guess it's the same reason for not allowing me to live in school. Too bad he doesn't know his little innocent girl is already halfway from being a bad girl. Don't get me wrong, but I do have some dark past.

October 28, 2018.

"Story of my life, searching for the right but it keeps avoiding me 🎶🎶🎶🎵...." I spun round from the left side of my bed as I heard my ringing tune, unfaithful by Rihanna and moved sluggishly to where I left my phone.

"What's wrong with these people?" I muttered to myself, this should be the third call I'm getting this morning and it's only 8am. I reached out to my phone and picked it up and the caller was Zoe,my best friend right from my first year in senior high school. Actually Her name is Treasure Zoey, yeah same name more reason why I hung out with her. But we named her Zoe after her surname which means life. We were always inseparable, she's fair, I'm a dark skinned, perfect match. Well thank God I didn't ignore the call as I wanted to earlier.

"Hello babe" I say as I slide the answer button.

"Baby girl, guess what?" She didn't even let me finish before she answered back excitedly.

"Hmm" I say while thinking, she must have been offered admission as well I thought to myself, I mean that's all i've heard since I woke up this morning but I don't say it out loud.

"I've been offered admission" she says half screaming not even waiting for me to guess again. I get goose bumps and mixed feelings Immediately I hear this. No, that's not jealousy, more a kind of "being left out" feeling. For the past 2 weeks I've been hearing news about my mates getting admission and now my bestie too. I'm truly happy for her , though we didn't apply for the same University. Nope, I'm not the kind of friend that will follow her best friend wherever she goes. It has always been her dream to study French and one day get to work in France.

"Tee did you hear me" she says, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Oh yes babe congratulations" I say excitedly.

"Go live up to your dreams" I added.

"Thank you. What about you, have you finally been admitted?" she asks caringly.

"Not yet but I will very soon, yunno I got a good score" I say trying to shove it away. Deep in my thoughts I'm already having these doubts. And it's getting me so scared. What if...? a voice deep down starts asking. No, try to be positive, another voice says. I will go with the latter, I don't even want to think of the former.

" Of course you will, Alright baby girl I've got a busy day ahead, take care, kisses" she says as her usual self.

"Bye love" I reply back and the call ends. I so much miss high school, especially graduation day as we all said our goodbyes with tears of joy in our eyes and went separate ways to start a new life. Each of us with our different ambitions. Mine was so unrealistic. I wanted the world, I still do, I won't stop till I get it, Smiles. I remember Zoe used to tell me that they will relocate to another planet so that I can have earth to myself. Thinking about all these memories we had together gives me a feeling of deja vu. I sigh and switch on my data to go check my admission status for the third time this morning. You know anything can happen within a few minutes, I'm a believer. I say to myself while clicking on the admission status bar. I close both eyes while it loads and mutter all kinds of prayers I could think of, wishing for a miracle to happen. I so much want to get into school the same year with my mates. I slowly open one side of my eyes and take a peep. I see the "admitted" part and pop open my eyes in a bit of excitement only to see the full thing "not admitted". I don't understand anymore, I thought to myself as tears welled up my eyes blurring my vision. This wasn't the miracle I was hoping for. It has been "admission in progress" for the past 2 weeks and finally decides to change to "not admitted" when almost all my mates have been admitted. At this point the tears start dropping and I let it. My fears were right. I know it's not the end of the world, I'm only 16. I could always apply the following year but right now, I was too emotional to reason all that. I felt so sad the rest of the day and the following weeks. I didn't tell my parents, they had so much hope and confidence in me. I scored 256/400 in jamb. That isn't a bad score for Accounting right? . A friend even scored 240 and got admitted. Nope my senior School certificate examination wasn't the problem either because the following year I still used it to get admission.

* * * * * * It's November and it's getting close to my birthday. I'm also trying to get over the admission stuff and also preparing to rewrite jamb. Well, my parents finally found out. They were almost more disappointed than me, smiles! I don't like my birthdays. I don't always get to celebrate it. No gifts and most people don't even remember. My dad disappoints me the most. If I don't tell him he won't even know until that day is over. I don't know but for the past few years I've always been sad, angry and depressed on that day. Something must always come up. No matter how hard I try to ignore that day it doesn't always work out. So this year I'm dreading it as usual. So I joined this group on Facebook made up of young teens like me who decided to make the best of life by coming out to catch a cruise and crack jokes. I really enjoyed myself there, most times when I'm not busy I will go online and read through their posts and laugh all day. When I'm less busy and in a good mood I do post too but rarely. I'm this type of person that is scared to speak out, afraid of what other people might think about me, afraid to be judged or criticized. I can't just handle such. So on one of such days, one of the regular admins messaged me with a

"hi". I wondered how he noticed me out of so many people in that group but it felt good to have someone to chat with.

"Hello" I texted back. "How are you doing?" He replied Immediately.

"I'm doing well and you" I texted back Immediately too because I had nothing else to do.

"I'm good too. What's your name?". He asked. I used "Tee Jhay" as my Facebook user while he used "Nyx".

"Treasure," I told him. "So I'm guessing the Tee stands for Treasure. What does the Jhay stand for? He asked again. I hummed a little and wondered why he was this curious and what he wanted from me. But then I thought, is there any harm in telling? Then I decided to have fun and go with the flow.

"Jhay stands for Johnson," I replied proudly. At least if there's one thing I love about myself, it's my surname.

"Wow we've got the same surname" he typed back with shocked and surprised emojis.

"What's your own name?" It was my turn to get curious.

"Dominic Johnson" He replied this Time with blushing emojis.

"OMG" I replied with a line of shocked emojis. Now it was my turn to be shocked.

"What's that?" He asked a bit confused and curious.

"Well if it may please you to know, My name is Treasure Dominic Johnson" I replied back so proudly with blushing emojis while blushing physically too.

"Wtf??" He texted back Immediately. "Are you being serious?" He texted again. "Yeah yeah" this time I was sure my cheeks would start hurting due to the serious blushing. "But why did you use Nyx as your user, does it have anything to do with your name? What's your middle name?" I couldn't help bombarding him with so many questions. Seems I had gotten more curious than him. I was feeling happy too. It's been a long time since I had a conversation like this where the person will reply back so fast. They Normally delay the message which makes it boring. But this one? Was getting interesting.

"Aaah one at a time dear, don't worry I'm here to answer all your questions, I have all the time in the world" by this time I'm sure if I was fair, I would be looking like a tomato.

"I don't like my middle name, so I don't just like talking about it or mentioning it unless it's necessary". He added

"Hmm, alright if you say so" I replied Wondering what he was hiding.

"So you're saying I have a daughter?" He sounded so Happy.

"awwnnn, I guess so too" I felt Happy too.

* * * * *

So days turned into weeks and we kept chatting. We talked about almost everything, our birthdays, family school and any other thing we could think of. I really liked him, he wasn't a fan of calling neither was I.we both felt more comfortable chatting than calling. On my part I felt like I won't know what to say on a call. It will be mostly silence on my side. Most of my calls didn't normally last for more than five minutes and that's when the other person is doing the talking. One day he popped the Virgin question. I will be turning 16 in the next one week. The answer should be yes considering my age but here I was confused. I've always been this kind of girl who wanted to keep her virginity till marriage. Even the kind of friends I kept had the same goal. This topic brought back fresh memories of what happened 3 months earlier. I really do not feel like talking about this. Should I just wave it off? I thought to myself. Should I just say yes let's get on with the conversation? How well do I trust him? But I liked him, so I decided to just open up and tell him the little I can.