HEARTS AT STAKE

HEARTS AT STAKE

Fiction

Written By Temba Magorimbo

© Copyright tmagorimbo 2014

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Image Credit - Copy of Lit Fiction Book Cover - Made with PosterMyWall

About The Author

_______________________________________

Temba Magorimbo was born on 9 August 1966, Tuesday at Gwelo [then now Gweru] General Hospital. He attended primary education [first term] at Bumburwi Primary, Old Mkoba before transferring to Senga Primary, Senka [then Senga] from 1973 to 1979. He went to Nashville High, Nashville [two weeks] in 1980 before transferring to Ascot Secondary, Ascot until 1983.

He is married and has two daughters.

__________

Disclaimer

All the characters, events and the story in this novel Hearts At Stake are all figments of my runaway imagination. The story, events and characters have no direct/indirect relationship to anyone living or dead. The pastors quoted therein are as non-existent as the Lochness monster. Should there by chance be such a relationship, it's regretted as being purely coincidental. It is as rare as an archer based in Borrowdale shooting a pheasant in Hudson Bay. However, should I have misrepresented facts, I stand to accept correction.

"Stephanie," Sandra said on the cell phone. "How are you doing?"

"I was searching all over for you," Stephanie had replied.

"My cell was in my hand bag. I was busy elsewhere. I had my hands all dirty doing baking," she replied. "I saw seven missed calls from you alone."

"I sent a message that you should see me soon."

"Here I am calling back."

"I have been asked to provide catering to a group of couples from a church in Borrowdale," Stephanie replied on the other end of the line.

"How many?" she asked. "And when most probably Saturday?"

"The numbers are about sixty couples coming together in Amby, Greendale. They say there is strict time management. They have loads of activities to keep the marital fires burning. It must be somewhere close to Coronation Road where we hosted that surprise birthday party."

"Wow, that is a dish," she replied. "What is the time, duration and anything else I need to know?"

"It's a mid-morning themed get together which may get right into the night. There is breakfast, snack lunch, snacks, mineral drinks with no beer, champagne and other wines etc. You have to be at my place this afternoon so we make some of the dishes. I will have to impress on your baking prowess. Last time I served ginger cakes compliments came to me. I forgot to pass them to where they belonged."

"Don't worry Stephanie I was born and raised inside a Gloria® flour packet. "

"Really?" Stephanie laughed.

Her laughter was like an SKM motorcycle being started without adequate battery and fuel power.

"So ______?"

"You said you have nothing to do on Saturday afternoon come in and join the teaching."

"I am not a couple. Reminder, I am single with a daughter who is growing up with accolades of suitors galore. Who knows, maybe I will make it to be grandmother before the age of thirty-eight. I thought you said catering."

"All the same it's a church themed get-together," Stephanie had replied. "Be at my place as soon as you finish lessons. We will start preparations around 0900hrs."

"Need I board there seeing as it that when you start yodelling instructions on cooking we will be at it until around eleven thirty in the evening?"

"What male company would you need seeing that you don't like gasping for breath?" Stephanie shot back. That was below the belt but true.

"What?" she asked as if she had not heard the meaning.

"You don't like getting @#$#&*@!"

"Stephanie?" Sandra was beside herself with laughter. "There is a price to pay for being a woman always looking for male company. I have to accept that I am single. I am unmarried with a daughter to consider. I don't accept bedroom reproaches. I was never a one night stand type of girl."

"One day you will have to start dating again. Do you have any date? You may bring them to the convention. There are business links to be done for us as well."

"Dates are not coming that easy. I will be there as soon as the lessons are through. I will be on the convention need be alone as I am."

"I tried providing dates and you sneezed at them. I tried hooking you with a few here and there. It didn't work."

"Stephanie, few young men my age who are single want to date a single mother seriously. They did rather spread their wings, making two women pregnant before marrying the third not the other way round. The moment you say there is a daughter, he stands grabbing your behind and tits in expectation of @#$%^&*()_+, which isn't what I was planning to dish out. Even those with children out of marriage expect to marry clean virgins."

"That doesn't give you the right to stop dating. You need to have a social life. You need a man friend with whom you establish a pattern of friendship and rules to follow. There is something bad about a daughter or son growing up without a father figure in the home."

Stephanie was not to be thrown off balance easily. She was like a motherly honing pigeon or a KGB hit squad on the scent of an armed dissident. "

"Hear, hear. I guess I will have to form a single mothers support group seeing churches have Sunday school, young generation, youth, couples, men's and ladies fellowship excluding us single mothers."

"Most of your likes get married and change fellowships!"

___________________________________

"Is there a party?" Martin asked.

He was crouching next to his maternal uncle's son and his wife who sat on plastic chairs. His mother had been the last born in a family where her brother had a son almost close to fifty.

"A couples meeting," his uncle replied. "That is why I had specifically asked that you bring Tina along. We do things in twos like turtle doves that mate for life."

"Tina does not meet time deadlines," Martin had replied. "She had other more pressing fish to fry that coming here with me today."

What does a man say when he is dating a girl who is not present where he is supposed to present a paper? Do you say your date is intelligent but has a shroud of ingenuousness around her? Do you say negatives or positives?

"It makes it odd. I wanted you to make a presentation for your company's residential stands. Now there is only you. We have about forty couples if my counting is to be trusted. Imagine dealing a business presentation to these people. They are all from within the light density suburbs. You will see the parade of latest vehicles showing they are a separate high powered clique. You make a sell, they will spread the word about you and your company."

"Uncle. I am an engineer not a sales person though the commission does come in handy," Martin had suggested. "Thank you for the specific offer to me and Tina. Who made the cards?"

"You throw in the sales loot and you hand over the commission if you don't need it," his uncle replied. "The cards were made by another female graphics graduate of Harare Polytechnic, for free in order to spread her wings. Don't date her though."

"Uncle!"

"Did you read the specifics on the cards?" asked his aunt. "Especially where they said NO to single married couples."

"On what?"

"Strictly couples!"

"Hey the who is who in vehicles is coming around. What is this house used for with such dedicated and paved parking space?"

"It was someone's idea of not looking for money in London and New York. They turned this four thousand square metre residential plot into a garden of paradise. It is rented out for weddings, birthday parties and other events. The gazebo you see can accommodate about two to three hundred guests. That is where we will be having out couples' convention."

"Just like I did when I invested my money in a tour company and car hire business. To think we started as three guys pooling resources together to buy and hire out six vehicles," Martin replied. "Now the fleet has grown to about fourteen including two Toyota Quantum buses and two 32-seat tour buses which are almost always on hire weekly. Now everyone at work comments on that I have about eight vehicles when all I will be doing is being given any vehicle for a week to use."

"I have my shopping centre, four shops, toilets and store rooms to collect rentals from."

His uncle agreed on the need to invest when the time was good.

Martin dialled a number and listened. He spoke a few words.

"You have put me in a tight spot Tina. They need us as couples here. I have urgent business to sell to a clique of rich buddies. The last time I managed to haul a good sale was at a golf and fund raising dinner near Isis Road remember? ____ Huh? ____. You didn't turn up too? _____ Uncle has a business deal he wanted me to do. What? _____ Okay. She is definitely not coming."

"Poor you," his aunt said.

"Then I did better scram. I was just paying a visit then," Martin replied.

"And leave all the food and a chance to earn $000s in commission?" asked the aunt. "Are you way too crazy?"

"No auntie Bridget. I can't intrude," Martin had replied. "Tina is unable to be here. She says she is somewhere in Mufakose. She can't discuss details of the bridal shower there."

When he had asked, she had stammered on the relationship. Apparently it was a friend of a friend's relative who was tying the knot the following week. Tina had been invited. Her invitation here had played second fiddle. Now he was in a dilemma.

"Listen Martin, don't you have a new land development off Sakunda Service Station near Rockview Park?"

"Yeah we do Uncle Oswald."

"Then I have never seen a civil engineer turned projects manager who can't stomach a group of people. You are supposed to sell the residential park development. Who knows maybe a senior couple may want a credit plan for their son or a young couple for a second investment in property."

"Yeah I hear uncle. You are church couples here."

"We will find a single one to attach you to," Aunt Bridget suggested. "

"It's your fault," Oswald said to Bridget. "You were supposed to keep introducing him to eligible females."

"Oswald, Martin has Tina!" she almost shrieked. "Goodness me give these young people a break before we start matching them one against then other."

"I was only suggesting_______," Oswald said.

"Martin, find somewhere to sit and chat with your uncle while I telephone around for an eligible female for the occasion."

___________________________________

"Stephanie, how are you?" asked Bridget. "I hope you didn't forget the cake?"

"I didn't plus the best baker in the city is around with me. You say anything to deal with flour and she is a guru in it," Stephanie first hugged Bridget. "That is my long lost and found distance cousin, um Sandra. Sandy this is my church mate. She and I learnt at the same boarding school years apart. I used books she had used several decades apart. She liked reading and quoting off hand, Pride & Prejudiceor Jude the Obscure. She recited Julius Caesar verbatim at assembly. She beat me to the wedding ring of her husband. I could have been his wife."

"Hi Sandra, Stephanie is so talkative. If she had married my Oswald, maybe I should have dated Jerome instead. She is old enough to be my daughter. I will have to keep tabs on my husband. Some men love younger women I tell you."

"Bridget did her boarding years before us but I got her reputation for excelling in literature, English and classics."

Hand claps were heard before the three ladies started offloading things and making arrangements. They talked and worked, laughing all the time. They always found some juicy titbit to remember. Misfortunes of time ago became sources of humour now.

"Where is Jerome?" asked Bridget.

"He is coming. I wouldn't let him off the hook that easy. Men are not that easy to find so the guy of my youth remains stuck to me."

"You heard the couples' chairperson say absolutely no single married people," Bridget replied.

"Then I should make haste my departure," Sandra advised Stephanie.

"I could do with your assistance," Stephanie replied. "There is a lot to do. The other two girls could not make it on short notice. They are married. They need their men's permission to attend/host at a couple's fellowship."

"Where is your man?" asked Bridget.

"She is a single mother," Stephanie replied. "And I trust her to assist me. She stands by her word."

"I have a nephew who is unattached who wants to sell a residential phase to the couples," Bridget had replied.

"Settled, for today, Sandra you are a married couple with whoever, I could lose business so would he," replied Stephanie.

"Stephanie!"

"You heard her girl," Bridget emphasize taking Sandra's arm. She headed for where Martin was in conversation with his uncle. "Excuse me a minute or two both of you."

"Yap," Martin replied.

"This is Sandra and she is your date Martin for today. Her mentor is running a business issue. She needs Sandra's assistance so do you to sell Rockview," Bridget replied. "She and Sandra are partners. The last time I heard correctly, Sandra is a confectionery guru. Talk scones, cookies, cake and mince/meat pies with her while I do what I am supposed to do. You both have something to sell so behave like a married couple!"

"Aunt," protested Martin. "I wasn't that keen."

"Stephanie has to pay employees. You will help you aunt, period. I have spoken! Hold hands like real couples do and smile at him, he won't bite."

"Women!" Oswald volunteered. "Hello Sandra, nice to meet you. I am Oswald, her unfortunate but fortunate husband. I saw you some ten decades too late we would have had a date."

"Oswald!"

"Shoo-o aunt."

"Hi, I am Martin, your husband, I hope you still remember me," Martin had said to ripples of laughter. They shook hands again.

"Don't let the goose out," warned Stephanie. "Sandra will be back to sit with you Martin."

"Thanks folks," Sandra said after shaking hands.

"Sandra," Oswald began. "If you don't mind I and Martin will change wives. You can sit next to me while he sits next to his aging aunt."

"Uncle," she caught onto the joke. "New and old wine don't mix and match. Old wine is matured and tender. New wine hasn't been tested and tried."

Martin was tall almost to a metre eighty with a strong frame over his skeletal muscles. He wasn't stout neither was he thin. He appeared very tall with broad shoulders and long legs that could have done long jump, hop skip and jump or track events. His eyes were burrowed in slits. His head was covered by a mane of jet black hair shampooed, combed and well kempt. His eye sockets seemed hidden in slits within a furrow before his forehead.

Sandra was just as tall being slightly slimmer than Martin with long shapely legs and a ball of a face. Her jawbone seemed to jut out shooting her teeth far forward within her mouth. Her cheekbones rode both sides of her face giving her a girlish grin. She was stuck between being very attractive and plain.

© Copyright tmagorimbo 2014

HEARTS AT STAKE – TWO

"Before we start our Couples Fellowship program for today." the master of ceremonies said. "We could have an opening prayer."

He rose up to the occasion. He made denim blue jeans, white green cotton tee shirts, and a grey cap on his waist belt. His wife stood up patiently looking up as her middle aged man spoke.

"Amen!" That was done.

"Then let us remember that the Couples Fellowship is against disharmony in marriages. We are here to foster better marriages while also bringing up stronger family ties. In our part as men, we seek to create husbandmen of vines that can stand on the gap within their crop consisting of his wife and children. We also seek men who will be the Nehemiah(s) of the modern world. Men who will stand in the gap and say NO to corruption of the family ideal. DO you seek anything for the women-folk sweetie?"

"I thought you would never stop self-praising yourself and your clan of men," she replied. "Thank you honey. Just briefly, every woman here should be a Naume, a Ruth, a Deborah, a Mary the mother of Jesus and an Esther. Every woman here should recite by head, Proverbs 31 verses 10 – 31. It describes you almost three thousand years before you were born. Those that use its wisdom irrespective of religion live a happy, prosperous and blessed life. Prosperous does not mean having wads of cash. It means being within the ability to achieve your dreams and aspirations."

"Thank you mother!"

"You should also read Songs of Solomon, in some Bibles they are called Songs of Songs," the master of ceremonies took over from the mistress of ceremonies. "These psalms as they are, which praise love are not feminine. We men should also read especially that one on of a woman who cheats with younger men and wipes her mouth asking what sin she has committed. Beware! Don't be aware of your wife but rather don't kindle the anger of the Lord over a cheating spouse either way. Read Psalm 18. Hear how God rents the Heavens and comes down to earth with feet burning like coal, nostrils aflame with fire to avenge His beloved. Never ever be caught on the wrong side.

"I want to give you statistics of what broken homes or broken marriages can do. The majority of inmates in US prisons are from single families. So to prevent that, let every husband and wife stay together and do whatever it takes to do within your marriage. If you have to shout at each other, find a deserted island in the Zambezi to do that. Mind you don't spoil the speech of crocodiles and hippos. Those doing presentations should stand together as I and my lovely wife are doing. Always remember we no longer have arranged marriages. She is your worst choice. The opposite is true."

"Sweetie," the mistress of ceremonies said. "If they had allowed husbands as collateral, I would have repaid whatever loan within a month."

"Bravo."

A few minutes later Martin saw a tall and attractive looking dark skinned woman. She was as tall as he. She swung into a seat next to him. She threw one long and beefy leg over the other. For a moment, there were bits of flesh to see. Why did women grow bigger in and around the thigh and hip area? She adjusted her dress hem to cover any flesh thrown out by her sitting position. The burgundy shawl over her dress was befitting the wintry morning. She had winter knee boots on.

"I hope you still remember me," she replied smiling at him. "Husband!"

"Oh that's why," he smiled back remembering their arrangements. He leaned closer and whispered. "I am Martin in case you get tongue stuck. I know I am very attractive. We have been married a short time."

"Sandra will do as well."

"How many children do we have?"

"One girl, first grade."

"What happened to the one at boarding school, form one?" he asked in a whisper.

"His real father took him away," she and him shared laughter.

___________________________________

"Oswald will present the next speaker. Oswald is my good golf buddy. Don't let the grey hair fool you. He has been teaching mathematics to bright eyed first and second year Bachelor of Science students at the University of Zimbabwe. Before then he was a Mathematics lecturer at Belvedere Teachers College, then now Belvedere Technical University College or something for ten years. My brother, Oswald to introduce the next speaker," the master of ceremonies had said.

Oswald and his wife Bridget ambled towards the platform. They exchanged hugs as couples.

"Bridget will present the next topic," the master of ceremonies had said. Bridget and Oswald rose and stood by the podium. "She denied me a beefy hug she gave my wife."

"Welcome back to our couples meeting. Do not start dozing due to boredom. I would like all new couples to stand up. Those here for the first time."

Sandra nudged Martin, they and others stood up.

"Could you approach the podium of this amphitheatre," she said. "Oswald, Greendale has never been this cool."

"It is. Always remember that though still as attractive as you are, you are now a grandmother of three!"

"The children married early," Bridget said over the microphone to ripples of laughter. "Now our new couples to the meeting will do what couples do."

"Which is?" Oswald asked.

"Kiss."

"They need guidance," Oswald suggested.

"Are you going to talk or kiss this grandmother of three?" Bridget had the assembly laughing. They embraced and kissed. "We are waiting. Those that have kissed well, will be excused."

"Ah, are these people serious?" asked Martin.

"Here goes your Ruwa presentation," Sandra whispered back. "And my mentor's sales and passion for hosting surprise events."

They ended up as the last couple. Oswald winked. Sandra and Martin did better than expected. She easily came into his welcoming arms. They kissed like they were a couple before sitting down.

____________________________________

"Thank you Jeffrey. The next presenter replaces where we had written Corporate Banking, the bank gave a late apology, we will instead call upon Martin ____," Oswald said.

"And his dame, Sandra," finished Bridget when Oswald had been awestruck on the name. "You think Sandra is more beautiful than me?"

"That carried over the mike," Oswald had replied to ripples of laughter. "I just thought she was better dressed than the other ladies except you of course."

"Did he answer the question?" she asked.

"NO."

He kissed her.

"I guess that settles it," Oswald replied.

He shook hands with Martin and Sandra before handing the directional microphone to Martin. Martin was dressed in brown corduroy trousers with a checked shirt in blue and white. He had on reddish Adidas canvas shoes. Sandra was in a white dress with red roses and polka dots. It had a belt at the back. She had on brown shoes with peep toes. Her hair was made out in trusses above her head in golden brown colours.

"Halleluiah!" Martin began.

"Amen!"

"It's good and dignified for me and her, to stand before you. Would you like to say a word Sandra?" asked Martin.

"I think we could do well with a cheerful song," Sandra has surprised him by coming up with a popular hymn which she sand with all the couples joining together. The song was, It is well with my soul.

"Thank you sweetheart. What a beautiful voice impressed within a beautiful body?" He had asked seriously.

"My pleasure," Sandra curtsied.

"I am used to being a back bencher not speaking at the front like this. I guess I will have to get enough courage not to talk about the green lawn, shrubs and flowers that surround us."

"Amen."

Martin had gone on. "First and foremost the company I represent deals with property. We are on a slightly different level of property that we deal with. Ours are blank canvases that an artist can turn into this beautiful portrait we are on today. I see a lot of couples going to have photo sessions in and amongst the greenery, shrubs and tree undergrowth. Photo sessions only, huh?"

There were ripples of laughter and hand claps.

"Let's check where in the Bible God talks about property. The woman on the well, sat there and talked to Jesus. She said Jacob, their great, great grandfather had dug a well more than fifteen generations previously which they were still using. That is real estate at prime.

"Now you read of people buying fields to grow grapes in the Bible. We have a development selling at this stage which is phase 3B off Sakunda Petrol Station going towards Ruwa. We did sewer reticulation, road construction which is at gravelling stage. We have storm water drainage systems in place. The stands are selling off plan with the maximum credit facility being for 48-months. I wish that was for 48-hours. That would require reserve bank or Treasury concurrence. What are you waiting for? Invest in property while you are still young. Blank canvases sell cheaper than a subdivided stand in Chisipite which has been around for decades. I am not down selling the Chisipite sub-divide. A blank canvas allows a whole group of people to put their holdings on the map.

"These range from 350m² to 880m². The larger the size the more cost effective it is. I thought with a credit facility of about four years, this is a prime investment for the middle aged couples to do for their children or grandchildren to be. The younger couples can to make themselves more comfortable. At my age, I have learnt a lot about quality investments. You can set up a housing co-operative today. Let's assume a thousand of us. Five years later under good custodianship anyone wanting to join will face a brick wall. The value would have gone up. That is investing against thresholds of inflation in laymen's terms. Again, what are we waiting for?

"Imagine the residence you can build before you buy the residential plot. Remember our needs are changing. Gone are the days when I grew up in a four bedroomed house. I had to share the bath tub with mom and dad. I am not even stating siblings including one that read the classified adverts while sitting on the toilet. One of my sisters would sing carols before, during and after her bath. You could actually walk 6-km and arrive before she had finished bathing. Nowadays the ensuite bath and toilet have moved a step further to include every bedroom having a toilet, a shower or tub. Folks, this is prime investment."

Martin took the allotted eight minutes to spell out what his company was selling. He gave out three contact telephone numbers including his own. Several cameras were taking photos of each set of presenters including a digital still professional photographer.

"I think I will end my presentation within the eight minutes allotted," Martin had said. "That serves us both on time management and real estate teaser I have given you."

"Questions?" Oswald opened the floor for three questions. "Martin and Sandra will take their seats."

"The pledge!" someone shouted.

"I am afraid to say Martin and Sandra cannot sit down without showing the couples they are madly in love," Oswald said. "How the heck had that escaped me fellows?"

"Someone is getting old," Bridget said in the microphone.

"We are here to maintain the presence of Godly family unity."

"Go on," Bridget nudged Sandra. "He won't kill you."

"This is ________," Sandra complained.

"Stop complaining and have a helluva time," suggested Oswald off the microphone.

"Oh boy," Martin shrugged his shoulders.

"Here comes the sales now," Bridget whispered. "It has to be French kiss by couples' club rules and nothing less. I am watching children."

They had to kiss passionately before sitting down. He held her with his hands around her waist while she had her arms around his neck. He gave her mouth to mouth respiration which she responded well to.

"Phew," Sandra said when she was seated after Martin had dutifully pulled out her chair. "I hope that was the last time I stood by your side, husband."

"Dandy chewing gum'" he replied.

"Was that Chibuku opaque beer?" she asked sending him laughing.

"I don't partake of the beverage."

"Where do you live bachelor boy?" she asked. "Just in case we are quizzed."

"Townhouse off Newlands, Borrowdale," he had replied. "And you?"

"Mom and dad's property in Westgate," she had replied. "To the south of the massive shopping complex."

"Down Harare Drive," he said. "I remember driving there."

"The next event, "the master of ceremonies announced. "Each couple will approach any of our four couples holding silver bowls within which the wife will pick a question. Both will present the question and their answers for us."

"Oh boy," Martin said.

"You said that once before," Sandra replied.

Sandra and Martin rose to present their question and their answer. Some couples luckily picked blanks. It was either the husband or the wife who picked a question with both looking sideways and eyes closed.

"First and foremost." Martin had begun. "We don't have any questions therefore we don't have any answers either."

"Our question," Sandra started the ball rolling.

"You are cheating Sandra," Martin suggested.

"Rigging is allowed. Describe how your marriage has changed over the years. "

"Your answer?" Martin asked.

"Our answer," Sandra answered correcting Martin slightly hooking her hand in his. "You used to run all the way from the office towards home and we met somewhere along the way. Then afternoon sex was terrific _______."

There was laughter, cheers, whistles and ululations. Even Martin found himself smiling pointing a finger at Sandra. He wanted to challenge her. He held a cordless microphone like she had in the other hand.

"Then there was the passion for success my love and we evolved more into our careers," Martin replied. "I took more time working and you did too. You only have to walk in doors to see the handiwork of the woman.'

"So how have changed over the years?" she asked.

"We are a young dynamic and hot blooded couple. We are still changing. We liked cooking, eating and talking at home and raising our daughter. There is need to help her do her homework. There is also need not to spare the rod yet not to abuse the child. Watch out that the little daughter doesn't drive a wedge between dad and mom. Kids can do it by lying if one parent supports the child while another thinks otherwise."

"We are still negotiating the hills. We have different career paths to bring in the bacon and hopefully invest for the future. Don't forget to invest in grandchildren through your attention to children and being a good custodian of what Jehovah God gives you."

"Thank you ladies and gentlemen," Martin bowed. Sandra curtsied. They kissed and came off the pedestal to handclaps.

"Short, sharp and to the point. Do we still have afternoon sex for the couples while the kids are playing?" asked the master of ceremonies. "She told me not to say if we are still doing it. However, I like afternoon shower afterwards."

Laughter.

"I won't comment otherwise you will again let the cat out of the bag," his lady quipped.

"Or the pig would squeal near a Moslem or Jewish check point."

"Or the skeleton may get out of the cupboard?"

© Copyright tmagorimbo 2014

HEARTS AT STAKE - THREE

Oswald and Bridget had found themselves on the podium. She held the cordless microphone. Oswald had his arm over her shoulder.

"Hello and welcome again. The master or director of ceremonies has introduced us. I am Oswald and Bridget."

"Who is Bridget?" she asked.

"One flesh means my name is Oswald Bridget," he replied.

"Mine is in reverse then. What a wonderful point you have raised," Bridget replied. "I will do your hair. I will either plait it, perm it or have a freeze done. We are all one flesh according to the Good Book."

"Seriously," Oswald suggested. "How does she look with a bald head?"

After laughter and whistles later.

"Our question is, what could your spouse do to greatly change your marriage?" Bridget said. "It is change for the better that is sought not for worse. We need to maintain our families. Every church group ought to have a couple's fellowship. We are inter-denominational. The wife should definitely join the mother's union to learn a lot. There are other quasi Christian institutions within the churches which a wife can join. The world is full of doing better and better things.

"There are some clubs within churches which teach women the arts of the home like home décor, interior furnishings, cookery and baking. Don't be found wanting. Don't wait on church clubs within your own denomination or branch. What stops you from joining those of sister churches if they champion what you love to do? Does Christianity mean you are going to Heaven on the doorstep of your local church or its branches?

"Find something besides clubbing to do like flower gardening or arranging or do a degree by correspondence. There are a lot of things within the home or outside which a man or woman can actively pursue. The sky is the limit. If Toyoda had stopped at working in a basement, we wouldn't have Toyota vehicles. No self-respecting lady should be out of touch with these institutions of learning. We have our Thursday afternoon services for women throughout the country in most churches. It's a tradition across most if not all churches.

"Yet women frequently absent themselves from these gatherings saying they are working. The same can be held on Saturdays for the working women yet you still absent yourselves on Saturday."

"The church functions have one edge over the secular ones. If you attend training run through a church and that run through secular networks there is a difference. There is prayer and word in church functions which is our daily bread," Oswald suggested.

"Hadn't I been praying for you, where would you have been?" she asked.

"The department of the president perhaps."

"Not so fast honey, you are not going to sweep floors there."

"Back to the clubs what would you do?" Oswald asked. "What happened to those ladies clubs that taught cooking, baking, interior decorating and other issues like mending socks? I am talking of the secular ones. Not circular as in with a 'c'."

"The socks became too cheap. They came cheaper by the dozen. They became cheaper than darning wool," she replied. "Mass produced foods like bread, jams, casseroles or confectionary put the baking clubs off limits. Added to their dearth was load shedding and wide swathes of new housing without electrical power. Call it political or economic red tape. Whatever remained from the former clubs is being taught by a few enterprising people individually to make ends meet."

"Isn't it that we improved from when we went to school running fourteen kilometres to and from to now when I drive my children to drop them within the premises?"

"Isn't it that you want to show off to the young lady teachers the latest vehicle your company afforded you?"

"Back to the socks honey."

"The quality went down as the quantity increased. Gone are the days when we as female students ran two pairs of socks for the whole week. Now they have seven sets of socks after which they are all holes and worn out within six months."

"I will not remove my shoes while people are here."

"First and foremost you could pick up your socks and shoes for an instance," Bridget suggested. "For once in a while. You could apply polish to your own crop of shoes that have leather while applying a soft and moist cloth to my shoes!"

"She is the boss!" Oswald pointed at her.

"And you are the home defending champion," she replied.

Oswald let go of his arm around her. He took the microphone.

"You in turn should stop cleaning my tool set. Every wire you throw away can be a fuse or impromptu star screwdriver," he replied. "The iron, kettle, mixer or stove stops working. You expect me to repair them without tools?"

"I tried prayers thinking the tool kit would remain clean. Those where obviously not answered," she replied.

"I didn't receive the requests for prayers."

"Keep the tool kit clean. I won't bother you. And please stop gathering every metal thing you see. We don't operate a junk yard sale. Not every discarded thing is required at home. When it is discarded, it means it is past its use by date."

"Bridget."

"I am listening so are all the couples."

"Could we solve this in the bedroom?" Oswald had the assembly beside themselves with laughter.

"That I know sweetheart. The children are waiting for an answer. Do you know you men are so clumsy and fights erupt because of that?" she asked. "Many women lose patience because of that. You end up name calling. Don't bring whatever looks like a piece of iron or what someone else has discarded home on the pretense that it can be repaired and used otherwise the motor accessories shops and electrical shops would be selling second hand parts only. If all men where that collective, Ford Motors in Detroit, Toyota and Nissan in Japan, Hyundai in Korea and Volvo in Sweden would all close down."

"And Mercedes Benz in Czechoslovakia?" he taunted.

"Mercedes Benz in Germany and Tata in India would all close. No one will be buying new parts and machinery/vehicles. Czechoslovakia split into two honey. I know my geography well. The storeroom isn't for keeping junk and litter. Mice and rats like it when they find hiding places. Empty tins of paint of long ago should be rid of."

"First and foremost Bridget, how long would you take to pick up my socks, my shoes, my ties, my carelessly thrown shirt and rearrange the room I have messed?" Oswald asked.

"Three minutes."

"Picture a house with kids and other relatives younger than eighteen without a husband because we men are clumsy. Spend a year in there, would it be good?" he asked.

"Nope."

"How long does a fight between couples last?"

"Maybe an hour to shout and twenty-three to cool off," she replied. "And the whole decade to remember about the fight."

"And ___," Oswald rubbed his hands with a smile on his lips. "Even quality time suffers."

"Perhaps."

"You see?"

"You see the better things a female can do is pick up what was carelessly thrown. Then tell the spouse gently and kindly to put those issues where they belong. Be a better spouse if you are a man by waking up early. Prepare a meal just to spice up the day."

"Could you do that for me?" asked Oswald.

"Cooking is a passion that must be shared by both within the couples. Let the man wake up and sweep the yard. Some properties are not within the zone of water problems. They have substitutes like deep wells or boreholes yet you see a woman going to buy fruit and vegetables while living in a 1500m² property. If the Britons who have flower gardens in terraced houses see what you are doing, they will have fits and seizures. Both couples should tend to fruit trees and a massive green garden.

"You think the Hurungwe(s) will comment? Let them comment, while they fight, your house will be a den of peace! Happiness will be with your family forevermore. You will be understanding each other. If you are ashamed of the grass yard broom, buy a hard broom and do the yard spotlessly clean. Men in Europe, North America, Australia and New Zealand even do litter collections while you think it's sissy here. If you think that happens in the northern hemisphere, think again and check your world map."

"You are pronouncing out all my duties," Oswald said. "My golf buddies will know that I sweep the yard clean. They will ask me to sweep their vehicles clean."

"Yet they complement you on your smart yard when they come to pick you up?" she asked. "They say you have a good garden full of onions in dry seasons, lettuce, cabbage, carrots and leafy vegetables. In summer they complement the green maize stalks, jugo bean crop and others like cucumbers."

"Yeah. They think you did the sweeping. I never told them until today that it was me!""

"Where did you learn to bake?" she turned on him.

"I watched you doing it. I did six weeks two hours per session with a professional baker. I never told my golf buddies that I could bake. They partook of the cheese cake, meat pies and meat loaf," Oswald replied. "I did that at some home in Avondale and it was a he in case you have other ideas."

"He has sense enough to bake for me and the family. Call it tea loaf, meat loaf, pies and scones just to spice the marriage. I just make sure he adds a pinch of salt and not a whole 500-ml bowl of sugar."

"And my grease?'

"Wipe it outside, come in and be a darling. Mud and grease belong in the backyard not inside my house"

"Could women learn to maintain his engine, vehicle I mean not the other one? " Oswald asked with a mischievous smile on his lips.

"What stops us?" she asked. "Don't we have lady mechanics? When my vehicle breaks down I phone a guy called Gideon to tell his wife, Martina to come and check my vehicle. She is a certified vehicle mechanic."

"Oops, I shouldn't have asked that," Oswald said to the men. "Then honestly, what can a man do to enhance their marriage?"

"Those small things like surprising your wife keeps her happy. A smile, a tender kiss and being a responsible gentleman. On her birthday spoiling does not mean a surprise party, even a new night dress and gown or a jean dress/skirt wrapped up with chocolate to go will tell the story. Even cuddling, hugging and kissing without asking for boohoo and hoodoos you know what."

"I thought that was for Mother's Day," Oswald was grumpy.

"The kids do that but what about you?" she asked.

"The last time I tried that was _______."

"When you baked that birthday cake for me before the kids came up with a surprise of their own," she replied. "No sane husband should forget their wedding anniversary, her birthday and the birthdays of all the children. Gone are the days when a man had seven wives and sixty children. You needed a diary to know when there would be sixty parties per year!"

"Should I try commercializing my baking skills?"

"No you wouldn't afford the lawsuits."

"To add, the women can stop nagging. You should stop looking at his cell phone and checking all the received, missed and dialed numbers then dialing them all to find if there was a female voices. That is very embarrassing and forthright rigid. Don't check his contact lists looking for unfamiliar names. It is highly embarrassing. Don't scrutinize his pockets for slips showing bank balance or withdrawals. Why don't you do that for bank deposits?

"If you query every withdrawal he makes why don't you demand an explanation for direct deposits and cash/cheque deposits? If he is doing extra work and all you want is the receipts, how does he buy the materials for the work? Do you need have a schedule for when he is doing overtime? Are you operating a cloaking system at your home? What if the overtime is unpaid for but he gets allowances that are non-monetary? The same applies for you if your wife is under the same scrutiny, give them a break.

"Trust your husband. Mold him with love and passion. Pray for him wherever he is. You cannot protect your husband so don't be overprotective wanting to know wherever he is. If he is out with the boys, remember he needs financial leeway. Of course tell him to reduce the volume when Misty in Roots or Bob Marley is playing on the radio or the vehicle.

"I don't have to report every income and surrender it like a border guard searching border jumpers. Be very nice to your man. Wake up early one day and clean his vehicle, check the oil, water or coolant and vacuum clean the insides. Don't demand to spend more than he earns. If your income is behind your expenditure, try other legal and safe means of increasing the income without compromising on family quality."

"Bravo!"

"Go an extra mile," Oswald said. "Don't tell him if you divorce you will have a boyfriend in three months and a husband in two years. That is bad and selfish. Most of those that did that have small plots at Glenville or Warren Hills cemeteries. Tell him you miss him and fight tooth and claw for your marriage. Fighting for your marriage does not mean having street fights with his girlfriends. Those loose girls fight dirty. People won't know who is who when both of you have torn and tattered blouses, skirts and dresses looking like you are coming out of a giant mixer and mincer.

"There is prayer power which is better than driving to engage his St. Mary's girlfriend in a fist fight. Those girls fight dirty, you would end up with your 44-D lactation organs on the internet. If necessary, separate but remain celibate. Who knows how many marriages have come back to life because of that?"

© Copyright tmagorimbo 2014