Forced to Marry My Ex Brother-in-Law

"I want us to break up, Iz, I already accepted Rama's proposal!"

Faiz was surprised when I told him that. Even though I knew he was holding a ring to propose, I reluctantly let go of the year-long bond that we have been living.

"It's not fair for me, Nai. We should have gotten engaged by the end of this year. You shouldn't take the responsibility of taking care of Mira. We love each other, right?" asked Faiz with wide eyes.

"Destiny, Iz. My sister died, my nephew is still kid. If I hadn't married my brother-in-law, he would have moved my nephew away from here. My parents asked me to marry Rama."

I held his hand tightly as I looked down. "I'm sorry, Iz."

Without another word, Faiz left me. A unilateral decision that I didn't want.

One month later, I married Rama, my brother-in-law to be a mother to Mira, his daughter.

Happy?

No, I wasn't. I regret a lot, including the material and freedom I gave up for this marriage.

*

A year later...

I was already four months pregnant while taking care of my little daughter. I was also still working as a pharmacy attendant just to supplement my monthly income.

Only half of the salary Rama gave me. The rest? He keeps it for his own needs.

"Next month, you don't need to cater for mother anymore, Nai."

Rama talked to me after arriving home after picking me up from work. Just as I wanted to undress because it was hot, he complained that it was because I couldn't cook during pregnancy.

"Six hundred thousand rupiahs a month is a lot, Nai! I only eat dinner, I don't go home during the day. Just cook, it's more economical."

"I can't do it yet, I'm still nauseous. Besides, six hundred thousand rupiahs is already cheap. If I shop by myself, not to mention oil, spices, chili and others. It's already delicious, you just have to eat. I just cook rice in the rice cooker."

I deliberately showed a wry smile just to make Rama realize that I didn't want to comply with his wishes. Yes, how could he know the difficulty of this pregnancy? Not just nausea, my back hurts all over. Lying down to rest is difficult.

"Besides, if I cook, how will I shop? Do you want to take me to the market to shop? I'm also having trouble finding the ingredients. The market lately has been muddy, flooded, I'm afraid of slipping."

"Yes, ask the Putri to take you! I'm working, right? Besides, you have a motorcycle but someone else uses it. It's a waste. You know you don't need a motorcycle loan, just save the money to buy gold. It can be an investment."

Rama left me after the argument. He must have gone to meet his friend at the café for coffee and peanuts while watching the ball on the television screen there.

I sat limply on the chair, letting the tears fall with a tight heart. Yes, the motorcycle that I bought when I was single, is now being used by my sister everyday because of my mother's request.

Kling! An incoming message popped up on the screen. The new number listed there.

[Assalamu'alaikum, Naina. It's me, Faiz. How are you? You're well, right? I didn't want to disturb you, I just wanted to ask how you were doing. Yesterday I dreamt that you were sick, so I was worried.]

My heart was beating violently. Faiz, the one I forced to retreat in his struggle when I decided to accept my brother-in-law's proposal.

"Faiz."

He is the past that I gave up in order to marry Rama. The throbbing I feel now is not because I still love him.

I still feel guilty towards Faiz regarding our past story. Yes, it's not right to make him wait, I just reply to the greeting message to calm his heart.

[Waalaikum salam. Alhamdulillah, I'm well, Iz. Thank you.]

I don't want to ask again so that there is no continuation of this chat to avoid unwanted things.

[Alhamdulillah. Stay healthy, Nai. I wish you happiness.]

Happy. Every wife wants that in her life.

Honestly, my household is also happy. Moreover, I have Mira and am now pregnant. Married without love and also because of the demands of fate. I tried to be sincere. However, money always creates problems.

I put the phone down after sending a message to Rama. Not forgetting beforehand, I deleted the chat history from Faiz so that there would be no misunderstanding later.

[What time do you get home? I'm sleepy. I'll lock it from inside. You have the key, right?"]

Only read, without reply.

*

Sunday morning at the end of the month. After I had eaten breakfast, I started to clean up to leave.

Rama who saw me getting ready, then asked, "Where are you going, Nai?"

"I'm going to my mother's house. Just for a while."

"Mira is taking me out for a walk later this afternoon. Later-"

"Use your money! I don't have any more money, I haven't gotten paid from the pharmacy yet!" I snapped, closing the door to go to my mother's house.

When I got there, I saw my mother and father sitting on the terrace enjoying tea and coffee. There was no Putri, I don't know where she went so early with my motorcycle.

"What are you doing, Nai?" asked my father.

I smiled while kissing the hands of my father and mother. "Nothing. There's just something I want to talk to you a little bit. About my bike."

I carefully told them about my desire to sell the bike.

"Let it be used by Putri. When she gets a job and has her own money, she can buy a new one," my mother said.

"But my bike broke down, the price went down. Don't you feel sorry for me?"

"You're already married. The money is your husband's problem. Why bother? I don't know, I'm too lazy to talk about it."

My mother left me and my father with a worried heart. Where did I go wrong? I was just demanding my rights. Can't she understand?

Father looked at me with sorrow. I wished he would stand by my side and understand the struggle in my heart at this moment.

"Later, I'll ask your mother for the vehicle registration certificate. Alright, don't think about it too much. You're pregnant, don't stress. But why are you suddenly asking about the motorcycle? Are finances tight? Is something going on with Rama's work? Any issues?"

I just shook my head. I didn't want to reveal my household finances to my father, afraid it would become a burden on his mind. I felt like my daily allowance wasn't enough, but for Rama, it didn't seem to bother him.

"No, it's not like that, Dad. I'm just worried if my motorcycle gets damaged or lost, it would stress me out, you know? I was thinking of selling it as savings."

After that, I said goodbye to go home. Just a moment later, at the street corner, I ran into my friend, Linda. That pretty girl must have just finished jogging around the neighborhood to keep her body fit.

"Got nothing to do? Come have chicken porridge with me!" she invited.

We cooled off for a bit at the chicken porridge stall not far from my house. Linda smiled as she placed a bowl of chicken porridge in front of me.

"Here, for the beautiful mom-to-be. You need to eat plenty, no stressing."

"But I already ate at home, Lin," I said. Still, who could resist the rich taste of the broth from our favorite chicken porridge place?

"For my little niece or nephew!"

We spent a few moments joking around. After she finished her bowl, she looked me in the eye with her narrowed gaze.

"What?" I asked, curious.

"I ran into Faiz at the mall yesterday."

I choked a bit while sipping the iced sweet tea that had been soothing my throat.

"And?" I asked, pretending to be nonchalant. He had just texted me last night, and now Linda was bringing him up.

"When you turned him down back then, he went to work in Jakarta at his aunt's place. I was surprised to run into him yesterday. He said he's been reassigned to Medan. Back to his old home."

I didn't want to ask any more questions, so I just pursed my lips and said a short "oh." Linda knew I didn't want to discuss him. I was already married; Faiz was in the past. It wasn't right to talk about another man.

"It seems he's even more successful now. I heard he got promoted to manager at the showroom where he works. Probably even more girls chasing after him. Handsome, wealthy, and a great career."

"Well then, why don't you go for it? You're single, after all."

"Oh, I'll hold out for a bit longer. Maybe I'll settle down at 35," she laughed heartily.

"Don't say that! You never know with fate."

Yes, fate is part of destiny. How, back then, Faiz and I were committed to each other with plans for marriage, and suddenly my world changed when my brother passed away in the hospital. My life's path quickly reversed. Rama, whom I'd always seen as an older brother since I didn't have one, suddenly made me feel awkward when everyone started whispering and suggesting I marry him. It was fate that brought me to this moment.

*

"How about it? Is Mom okay with it?"

I just shrugged, no answer. I spent my time daydreaming while inviting Mira to go for a walk on the beach this afternoon. Fortunately, the weather was a bit more favorable.

The little one was sitting, happily playing with sand, holding a small bucket and shovel. I sat on a blue mat beside Rama, who was busy grilling corn for a snack later.

"There's no answer yet, but Dad will convince her. If you look at it, she probably doesn't agree."

"Then just ask for the key from Putri, what's so difficult? Later, Dad will take the it from Mom. Don't make it complicated, I'll help sell it."

"What if Mom doesn't want to sell it?" I asked, worried.

"Let's see. If Mom doesn't want to sell it, how about I sell my motorbike instead? Then I'll use your motorbike for work. So, your motorbike will just stay here at home."

I remained silent for a while, then looked at my husband who was applying sauce and curry seasoning to the corn, while the others were just glazed with sugar water to make it sweeter for little Mira.

"Then, what about the money from selling your motorbike? For whom?"

"Well, I'll save it for our future. I bought my motorbike on installments. Even though I'm very attached to that motorbike, but for you, it's okay if I sell it. It's better than you stressing about your motorbike being used carelessly by Putri, right?"

"Let's see!"

I spent a calm Sunday playing with sand and water with my little daughter. Since my stomach wasn't big yet, I tried to spend as much time moving and playing with her. Maybe in two or three months, even sleeping would become harder.

"Do you want corn, dear?" Rama asked, approaching his little one with a grilled corn on his hand.

"Yes, Dad!"

Her laughter competed with the ringtone from my phone. A message came in from Faiz. This time, he sent me a picture message, which made me stare in disbelief.

[This is your husband, right? I didn't come to your wedding, but I'm sure it's him. Sorry, I don't mean to interfere, just curious.]

My heart raced when I saw the picture. It was a photo of Rama holding the shoulder of a beautiful woman in a red dress that showed off her beautiful curves. They were standing very close, their gazes locked on one point.

[Oh, yes. That's my husband. Why? That was just his younger sibling going to the office to deliver lunch.]

Even though I was wondering and suspicious about the photo, I didn't want Faiz to interfere with my marriage. Not because I was ashamed, but why should a stranger know about this?

Before deleting the message history from Faiz, I saved that photo in a file vault, which required a code to access. One day, I would investigate this. Could it be that Rama has another woman?

"Mom!"

Mira's call startled me. She quickly ran up to me, offering a piece of sweet corn to my lips.

"It's delicious, Mom. I like it."

I took a bite of the corn from her hand. "Yes, it's delicious. Dad's good at cooking."

"Yes, it's burnt, but still good."

Rama just smiled while continuing his work. Rama, that man, he who has a sweet and handsome smile. I always felt my heart skip when he showed his smile with his dimple.

For a moment, that photo disturbed my heart. Who was that woman? And also, when we married, did Rama truly fall in love with me?

"Do you love me more now than you loved Dian?"

Rama froze when I approached and asked him that question. He stared at me for a brief moment, then returned to focusing on the corn in his hands.

"Why do you suddenly ask that?" he asked, indifferent.

"Just answer. What's so hard about it?"

"If yes, then why? If not, then why? Besides, what does it matter? How could you be jealous of someone who has passed away?"

Rama didn't answer me again. It wasn't about my late sister, but about his heart. Maybe it was okay if he still loved her. But there was a slight suffocation in my chest if, in reality, he married me out of obligation. For Mira, his daughter who needed a mother figure.

"You've never told me during our marriage that you love me, Nai."

Rama's words startled me. He exhaled roughly, walking past me after placing the corn plate on the blue mat. This time, he picked up the green coconut he had bought earlier outside and opened it to serve to us.

"It's not about me, but about your heart. You sacrificed your single life to become Mira's mother. So what matters most is your heart. There are many issues in marriage. Many couples choose to stay together because they love each other. So love is the foundation, Nai. For me, your feelings are still unclear."

My lips were sealed tight. Those words kept echoing in my heart. This is my little family, a love that I build every second to keep holding on to emotions that are out of control.

"Yesterday, did anyone come to see you at the office?"

Bang Rama stopped pulling out his shirt from the wardrobe. After a night of mulling over the photo Faiz sent me, I finally gathered the courage to ask.

"Who do you mean?"

"A beautiful woman. My friend accidentally saw you at the office and said you were meeting with a woman there."

Bang Rama didn't respond immediately, leaving my head swirling with questions. I could only continue asking while helping him get ready for work. A plate of fried rice was already served at his seat.

"Bang Rama!"

"I work in a city, not a forest. Of course, I meet men and women at the office. What exactly are you trying to imply?" Bang Rama asked calmly as he ate his breakfast.

Yes, it was too early to accuse him of an affair. A good marriage like ours shouldn't be tainted with baseless jealousy.

In just over ten minutes, Bang Rama finished his breakfast and was ready to leave for the office. He approached me, bent slightly, and gently rubbed my now noticeably large belly.

"I'm off to work, okay?"

Bang Rama's sweet smile washed away my anger. But after he left, a message appeared again on my phone.

[Do you have time? I want to meet. Just light talk, no other intentions.]

I had already heard that Faiz was in Medan. When I didn't respond, he insisted on calling. Reluctantly, I declined. I didn't want to invite anyone into my marriage, especially Faiz, my ex.

---

I stared at my groceries after leaving the market. It wasn't too far, just one ride on public transport. Even though walking was now more burdensome with my growing belly, I still wanted to go out to breathe fresh air. I had already left Mira at my mom's house.

Din!

A white Pajero honked not far from me. The driver's window rolled down, and my annoyance faded when I saw the man behind the wheel.

"Nai! Heading home? Let me give you a ride!"

How quickly he had succeeded since the last time I left him. Faiz, my past. It had been a long time since his last message, which I ignored. Fate finally brought us together.

"No need, Iz, I'll take the public transport," I replied, glancing around nervously. I wiped the sweat pouring from my forehead.

Faiz stepped out of the car and approached me, taking some of my grocery bags.

"You're pregnant and walking alone with all these heavy bags? Come on, let me take you home! I'll stop by and greet your parents too. It's been a while, hasn't it?"

After his persistent persuasion, I eventually agreed, enjoying the cool breeze from the car's air conditioning, which eased the heat.

"How far along are you, Nai?" he asked, glancing at my rounded belly.

"Almost seven months, Iz."

"Oh."

Not much had changed about him, except he looked more dashing in his business suit. Yes, I'd heard he had been promoted to manager. His life must be much better now.

"Are you happy, Nai?" Faiz asked seriously as he turned the wheel to the left.

I didn't answer. It wasn't that I wasn't happy, but I still felt guilty for sacrificing Faiz's efforts in the past to fulfill my parents' wish for me to become Mira's stepmother.

"Well, you look happy, Nai."

I turned my gaze to the car window, tightening my grip on the old dress I was wearing. If I had married Faiz back then, maybe I'd be dressed in elegant gowns worthy of sitting in this luxurious car.

"Don't tell me you're not happy, Nai, because I won't back down a second time."

Our eyes briefly met before the sound of brakes brought the car to a stop in front of my parents' house. Mom looked surprised when the luxury car revealed Faiz, the man who almost became her son-in-law, stepping out with me.

"Faiz?"

Her eyes widened, and her beaming smile spoke volumes. Dad, on the other hand, cast a disapproving look as Faiz opened the back door and unloaded some bags-not mine, but his-placing them near Mom's feet.

"Good afternoon, Ma'am. Are you well? Here's a little something for the family."

Lavish gifts. Wait, had all of this been planned? Wasn't our meeting earlier just a coincidence?

*

Bags, shoes, some branded clothes were gifts Faiz offered to my family. There was even a necklace peeking out from a red velvet box.

"Wow, you've really made it now, Iz. If you had become my son-in-law, I might have gotten to ride in that white car," Mother said, glancing at Faiz's luxury car.

Only Mother and Faiz were chatting. I glanced awkwardly at Father, who was showing a sour expression toward my former lover.

"What do you mean by these gifts? It's too much; after all, you're nobody to us," Father grumbled, annoyed.

Mother muttered, pinching Father's side and giving Faiz an apologetic look.

"Forgive Father, Iz. He's just clueless about luxury goods."

Faiz smiled and said, "Well, who knows, maybe I could still become your son-in-law."

Their conversation brought laughter. Not wanting to linger, I went inside to find Mira, who was watching TV. It wouldn't be right for me to keep interacting with Faiz. I took my daughter to go home.

"Let me drive you, Nai!" Faiz quickly intercepted my steps.

"No need. My house is close, just a hundred meters," I refused, a bit flustered.

"Yes, it's close. But since you're pregnant, what's a five-minute walk might turn into fifteen minutes. Poor Mira, she'll get tired in the heat," Mother chided.

Reluctantly, I accepted Faiz's offer to drive us home. Upon arriving, some neighbors saw us and began whispering, making me the talk of the neighborhood.

"Aren't you going to offer me tea, Nai?" Faiz joked as he set down the shopping bags on the front porch table.

"No, Iz. It's best if you go. I need to cook, and Mira looks sleepy. Thanks for earlier."

I was surprised when Faiz took my hand. He looked at me intensely, with a meaningful gaze.

"I just want to talk briefly. Just out here, to avoid any gossip. I don't even need a drink."

Faiz pulled out a chair and sat down, resting. Although uncomfortable, I knew I had to hear what he wanted to discuss.

"Have you asked about that woman, Nai? The photo I sent you before?"

"Why are you bringing that up again? Don't meddle in my marriage; it's none of your business."

Back then, I didn't get an answer from Rama either. It wasn't something urgent enough for me to keep pressing on who the woman in the photo with my husband was.

"Because it's not just once. I've seen that woman several times with your husband."

I swallowed hard as Faiz pulled out a stack of photos from his pocket. The office, the street, a café, even our home-all were places where Rama had met the same woman.

Rama used to be my brother-in-law. That's why I didn't know much about him. Plus, I was just a substitute wife who had to marry him suddenly, for Mira's sake.

"I don't want to speculate. So, it's best you ask him directly, Nai."

"As far as I know, you're a manager," I retorted, holding back anger. "Do you have that much free time, Iz, to follow my husband everywhere?"

Seeing my indifference, Faiz exhaled sharply. He quickly stood up, adjusting his suit.

"I just wanted to know what kind of man you're living with, Nai. I let go of our love and commitment for a man I'm not even sure is better than me."

Silence filled the air as my heart pounded. Was it because of Faiz's concern, or jealousy bubbling up after hearing that Rama often met that woman? But who was she?

"I'm leaving now, Nai. Hopefully, we can meet again."

Without a smile, I let Faiz go with his white car. My gaze shifted to the stack of photos. I picked up one showing Rama's cheerful face.

"Is it true? Are you cheating on me?"

If Rama was indeed cheating, then he had no conscience. I had sacrificed my life to take care of him and his daughter. Would he truly have the heart to hurt me?

*

"Nai! Where's Mira's food?"

Although I heard Rama calling, my attention remained on the photo in my hand.

Faiz was right. This wasn't normal.

I wanted to demand an explanation from Rama, but a pain gripped my belly. If he was really cheating, was I ready to accept it? I gently touched my swollen belly. If I was stressed, it could affect my unborn child.

"I'll wait until this little one is born. Hopefully, you have no connection with that woman, ."

I hid the photo beneath the deepest layer of fabric in my closet. Quickly, I went out as Rama called again. Watching TV, I fed Mira her favorite fried egg dish.

"You're off work tomorrow, right? Take me for an ultrasound," I requested.

"Want to know the baby's gender, huh?"

I nodded. "Yes, I can't wait."

"Hopefully, it's a boy."

"Yes, amen," I said, stroking my belly. "But boy or girl, it's all the same, . A blessing from God that we should be grateful for."

"It's not the same, Nai. I hope it's a boy, so it's balanced. Your sister gave me a girl, so hopefully, you'll give me a boy. But it seems your family has more girls. I'd be disappointed if it's another girl."

I sighed, looking at my round belly. This was my first child. Boy or girl, it didn't matter to me because I didn't have any biological children yet. But if it was a girl, would Rama take out his disappointment on me?

*

"Praise be to God, it's a girl," the doctor's words dampened Rama's smile. Even before the examination was finished and the transducer was still on my belly, he left the doctor's room.

"Yes, Doctor, thank God."

"May she stay healthy until delivery," the doctor wished me well.

My gratitude was not reflected in Rama's expression. He looked downcast as he sat on the motorcycle outside, occasionally typing on his phone.

"Ram!" I called out as I walked slowly.

Ignoring my outstretched hand, he quickly started the motorcycle. His earlier enthusiasm when coming to this clinic had vanished. He wore a sour expression as he waited for me to climb on the back.

"Let's stop by my mother's first."

"Yes. Let's get some cake. Your mother loves bika ambon, right?" I said, remembering my mother-in-law's love for the famous Medan dessert.

Only grunting, he sped through the streets. With a box of cake in hand, I hoped our visit to my mother-in-law's house would be warmly welcomed.

"Peace be upon you."

"And peace be upon you, too."

Only Rama's mother greeted us, as his father wasn't around. Sitting comfortably on the carpet in the living room, I told her we had just returned from my pregnancy checkup. Her eyes sparkled with excitement for her second grandchild. Being her only son, the arrival of his child was eagerly anticipated.

"Another girl?"

Her voice rose, her eyes wide with disbelief. Her disappointment was clear.

Another girl? The word stung. The news of my baby girl's impending arrival seemed unwelcome.

"Well, Ram! How's this possible? You're getting older, and you got another girl. When will we get a boy?"

*