For Better or For Worse

"Babe, your coffee is getting cold." Sasha hollered as I was waking our one year old kids up, Ashley and Avery.

I sighed. It feels like it's been forever since I first felt them stirring in my stomach. Well, Ashley was. Our first daughter was Ashley, and she is rapidly growing and now, she can giggle and blurt incoherent words. Avery was carried by my wife but he's biologically mine. There wasn't a doubt about it though. His hair was dark brown, his eyes are hazel and he has light brown skin, while Ashley is blonde and blue-eyed with light skin. They were angels sent to me by God.

"Hey, babies. Your Mommy made breakfast for all of us and she'll be pissed if you guys don't wake up soon."

As I said that, Avery opened his soulful hazel eyes slowly and he smiled at me, showing his pair of teeth.

He giggled as I stuck my tongue at him. Hearing his adorable voice, Ashley stirred and with a scowl, she smacked her brother straight on his face. Avery started sniffling and his sobs were getting louder. I picked him up then danced around while singing him a lullaby. Ashley started crying out of jealousy, not understanding why her brother gets to be carried while she was stuck on her bed.

"Babe. Can you please tend to Ashley?"

She sighed. "What did you do now?"

She entered the room and took Ashley out of their shared crib. But instead of fixing the problem, it made things even worse. Ashley cried harder and extended her arms to reach out for me.

"Oh shit. Carry Ash, I'll take Aves."

We switched the babies we were carrying and Ashley stopped crying immediately. Avery whimpered but he stayed quiet.

Sasha sighed. "It's obvious you're the kids' favorite."

"That's not true, baby. I bet when they grow up a bit, they'll love you much more than they love me. Just give them a little time."

"You're so cheesy." She laughed. "Come on, let's eat. I have our day planned out perfectly so we'll be busy." She smirked.

"Does that plan involve you and me, naked and lying on our bed?" I asked.

"Shush." She shook her head. "The kids will hear." She winked. "But we'll see."

"Mm. Can't wait." I pecked her lips.

We left the children's room and we went into the dining room to eat our late breakfast. There was bacon, pancakes and eggs on the oak table and two steaming mugs of coffee.

"Whoa. First off, babe. You love having fruits and oatmeal for breakfast, anything with grease is a huge no." I laughed. "Besides, what am I gonna feed these buggers?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "Ever heard of Cerelac? And besides, this day is for you. I'll eat whatever the hell you want to eat."

"Aw..." I cooed, planting a chaste kiss on her lips. "That's really cheesy Sasha."

I strapped Ashley on her pink and green highchair while Sasha did the same for Avery in his olive green and blue one. Sasha took out their bowls and filled them with Cerelac mixture that she pre-made. I took their sippy cups and filled them with apple juice. Sasha stopped and stared at Avery halfway through sitting down on her chair.

"What's wrong, Sash?" I asked worriedly.

"Avery is a real smart boy. Look at him, he was the first one to actually say something and he's feeding himself now. He's a great kid."

I looked at Avery. Sure enough, he was trying to spoon some of the formula into his mouth. He was failing miserably, creating a huge mess but for a year old, he was really trying.

"Yeah. Well would you look at that." I said while sitting next to Ashley.

If you ever had a baby, you would know firsthand that multi-tasking between feeding and eating is difficult. But I got the hang of it.

"Here comes the airplane! Whoosh." I said as I fed another spoonful of the mixture to Ashley.

Ashley giggled and opened wide, waiting for the spoon to enter her mouth. She gobbled it up happily, smiling smugly at Avery. But Avery didn't care. Instead he just ate his mixture in silence, watching his mommy intently while she spooned some into his mouth.

"Here comes your airplane." Sasha warned me before shoving a piece of pancake in my mouth.

"Hm. It's not burned, and not undercooked. What can I say, Sash? Your cooking skills are improving." I teased, laughing a little after chewing the piece of pancake.

Sasha glared at me. "Hey!"

"I love you, babe."

"Mhm." She mumbled. "I love you too."

After breakfast, we showered and got dressed. Sasha told me that we were going somewhere formal so I wore a floral dress with a knitted sweater. While waiting for Ashley and Sasha to get out of the bathroom, I went through Avery's clothes and found a green polo shirt and a pair of black jeans. I put a diaper on him and proceeded to get him dressed.

"Looking good." Sasha said as she entered the room with Ashley in her arms. Ashley was wrapped up in a pink towel like a burrito while Sasha was in a yellow robe.

"Which one? Avery or your cute wife?'

She tapped a finger on her chin. "Hm. Both." She answered, kissing me softly.

We got Ashley in a cute yellow dress with a matching hair band and she had her diaper underneath. We both put on their shoes, boots for Aves and sandals for Ash. I carried both of them to the living room to watch Sofia The First and I left them there for a while to check on Sasha.

When I got to the room, Sasha was stark naked, taking a baby blue dress out of her closet. Her eyes met mine and she was telling me the message "well are you just going to stand there".

"God, Sash. You're so hot." I said in awe.

"C'mere. We have ten minutes." She hooked her finger up, telling me to come closer.

I practically ran to her but I tried controlling myself. As soon as she was in arm's reach, I was fondling her right breast like crazy. My other hand found her butt and I started squeezing the life out of it too. Her lips found mine; her kisses were needy but passionate and so full of love. I was just about to enter her core with two fingers when there was an unmistakable sound of a doorbell.

Ding, dong

"Who the hell is that?!" Sasha growled.

"I'll go check." I said.

"Don't you dare leave me, Shea Moore." She snarled.

"I have to. It might be important. Go get dressed."

I walked out of the room to check on the gate and I swear, I heard Sasha stomp her foot so hard I think it broke her ankle.

I opened the gate of our house and I was greeted by Sasha's brother Sam with a bag of toys and pillows for the kids. I opened the gate and let him in.

"Are you all ready?" He asked once he was inside the living room.

"Ready for what, exactly?"

He looked at me weirdly then realization flashed on his face. "Oh. Right." He hugged Avery and carried Ashley.

Sasha left our room and shut the door carefully. "Hey, doofus."

"Hey, buttbreath." Sam answered nonchalantly.

Sasha was wearing a grey jacket over a yellow dress and had her sunglasses on her head like a hairband. Her hair was falling over her shoulders like a golden waterfall, framing her cerulean blue eyes. She went from looking at Sam, to me. Her eyes sparkled and I swore to myself that I would never let this woman go.

She smiled. She whispered. "I love you."

I smiled back. I didn't have to say anything. She already knew that I loved her so much. I didn't have to say it again.

She kissed my cheek and took Avery from the couch. I turned the tv off and grabbed the bag Sasha prepared for our day.

We got onto Sam's SUV. I was riding shotgun while Sasha was at the back with Ashley on her lap and Avery was in his car seat.

Sam left and we made small talk, about our life with the kids, our jobs, our family. He was talking about his ex-girl friend and how he really thought that he would end up marrying her.

Sasha fell asleep at one point during the ride. She had safely tucked Ashley into her own car seat before dozing off. Her light snores filled the car. Sam and I fell into silence. I looked over my shoulder, and saw my family. Asleep, comfortable, and silent. It made my heart stop for a moment.

This is a second worth remembering forever.

Sam caught my stare eventually. He chuckled softly before saying, "I wish my sister found her forever in you. You're her best friend in the world, and she loves you so much...thanks Shea, for being with her through thick and thin. I couldn't think of anyone better to be her wife."

"Thanks, Sam. Really, it warms my heart up and I can tell you honestly, your sister is the best thing that's ever happened in my life."

Not.

She was my worst nightmare and I'll die just to fucking get out. She made me feel like shit and worthless and I'm sure our seven year old children felt the same way. She just dumped us like a hot potato and I seriously hate myself for being so vulnerable with her. My kids only know few of the details but I told them the truth. The actual truth. So Sasha can never use them against me. They understood why I did it too so I never had to worry about them getting the wrong idea.

I thought about seven years ago, when I was coaxing Avery to behave and Ashley was wailing on her crib and she wanted me to carry her and only me. Once we switched the kids we were carrying, Avery sniffled by her touch. She told me I was their favorite.

I know deep in my heart I have always been.

I got out of bed slowly and headed to the kitchen to make breakfast for my kids. They weren't going to school today. We have to go to a very important meeting and I wanted her to see them. To break her heart like she did ours. I knew she was a cheating time bomb but I still wanted her.

Weirdly, I still want her now.

"Smells great, Mom. You know, adding a banana to mine is great. I will need the antioxidants." I turned around and Avery was standing on the doorway.

He pushed his glasses onto the bridge of his nose and gave me a smirk.

"That's a huge word, Avery. Where do you get these kinds of trivias?" I joked.

"Somewhere called Wikipedia, Mom." He rolled his eyes and tried to get up on the stool of our breakfast counter. Tried. I left my pancake for a while and put him carefully on the stool.

"My little boy. Using the word 'antioxidant' but can't even sit on a barstool." I teased.

Ashley entered the room and yawned. I kissed her cheek and started rambling about how the two of them growing up and soon they'll have crushes.

"Mom, your pancake is burning." Ashley warned me while getting on a barstool herself. I placed the slightly burnt pancake on my plate because I know both of them. They hate burnt things.

In a way, Sasha was still with us.

She shared a lot of significant things and mannerisms to her kids. Like Ashley has this grumpiness in the morning and the way she flips her hair when she's mad and how Avery smiles and how he stands like he has everything under control and it'll all be great. I wish it was.

It's the day of the last hearing and it's all about custodial rights. Today, we'll find out if Ashley and Avery will stay with me or if they will be now living in Sasha's new house.

Well technically, it isn't Sasha's. It's more of Sasha's new boyfriend, John's house. I told them the consequences of this hearing and they fear living with John and his Great Danes. One time when they were forced to visit them, Levi tried chewing Ashley's leg to pieces. After that incident, my lawyers never let Ashley or Avery near the dog. The court made them choose between Levi and Lady or the Moore siblings. Of course, being the douchebag he is, John chose the dogs and that broke Sasha so much.

I think she considered being with us again.

But look at where she is now.

"Mom, you know we don't have to go to court, right? We're already sure what the judge'll say." Avery said.

I sighed. "If it's the last time I'll see your Mommy then I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Ashley groaned and shook her head. "Mom, are you that blind? She hates us. The greatest gift God sent us is that she left. She's not worth it."

"Ashley, she raised you. She's just confused."

She just shook her head again and asked for the maple syrup.

Avery kept his head down and he chewed slowly and quietly. They were both depressed when Sasha announced that she was moving in with her new boyfriend, but their outlets were different. Ashley was addicted to eating chocolate and nothing else, when I managed to get something different in her however, it was mostly sweets and chips. Avery had this uncontrollable urge to keep buying useless things and in school, he was constantly drawing, writing and painting.

God, help me.

And besides them, I had my own problems to deal with. I had this thing of zoning out when having a conversation and a problem falling asleep. I even went through three days without a nap.

"Mom, I need maple syrup." Ashley said urgently.

"Oh. Uh...didn't I give it to you already?" I asked, confused.

"You've been standing there for a few minutes now, Mom." Avery supplied.

"S-sorry..." I muttered.

See what I mean? I opened the refrigerator to get milk and the syrup Ashley asked for. I walked to my seat with my plate of pancakes and the items from the fridge. I handed the syrup to Ashley and poured them both glasses of milk. Sitting on one of the barstools, Avery held my hand with his small one.

"We're going to be okay, Mom. We'll beat Sasha and John in this case. No one can break us apart." Avery said.

"Yeah.No one." Ashley agreed, giving us a sympathetic nod.

I smiled. Sasha would be so proud of her kids. They're growing up so fast and there's little I could do to stop them.

When we were finished eating breakfast, I told them to shower and to wear yellow or orange clothes. Avery understood but Ashley didn't. The former ran to the bathroom, leaving us alone.

I knelt in front of her and ran my hand through her soft hair. "You look so much like your Mommy." I whispered. "We'll wear yellow because it means happiness and hope. That's exactly what we're there for right? Being happy with the court's decision and hoping for the best."

She grinned when she heard that, nodded and rushed off to her own room. I went to what used to be mine and Sasha's room and I got mesmerized by so many memories we shared in this room. One important memory was still lodged in my forgetful head.

***

The sunshine was beautiful, not too dim and not too bright. Just enough to illuminate the beautiful blonde lying next to me. Her hair was everywhere in her pillow and she was dressed in an oversized shirt, making her look like a gorgeous mess.

Her eyes fluttered open and she stared at me with her ocean blue eyes. I expected her to stand up and leave but she just stared at me with a small smile blooming on her heart-shaped lips. She brushed a stray strand of hair on my face and caressed my cheek with her soft hand.

"I love you, Shannon. I want to spend forever with you and you only. We will have a dozen kids and we'll drink iced tea with them on our porch, watching our beautiful grandchildren run around on the yard. We're the definition of forever, Shan."

***

Yeah, right. We are just another one of the failed Hollywood marriages and we are another proof that there is no such thing as forever.

I walked out of the bathroom fully dressed in a pair of acid washed jeans, a bright yellow top and I wore my cream Vans. I just left my hair in it's natural curls and added concealer to my eyebags. I can't let Sasha know that I've been skipping sleep. If she found out, she'll use it to manipulate me.

Once she knows I'm still in love with her, it's over.

She would do anything to make me more miserable.

I grabbed my grey hoodie from the coat rack and drank my remaining coffee in one gulp. Then I called the kids to come out as soon as they were done. Not a minute later, Avery came out of his room with his Simpsons Converse still untied. He was wearing a yellow flannel over a white shirt and dark grey jeans. And his hair was a little messy and his glasses were a little lopsided.

"Ready to go, buster?" I asked as I was grabbing my black leather messenger bag from the counter.

"Wait." He simply said, running off to his room once again.

As soon as he entered his room, Ashley came out from hers, wearing a yellow skirt, white blouse and white Converse. She also had an orange sling bag hanging from her neck.

"You got everything you need?"

She nodded and smiled. "Where's A-"

"Let's go." Avery cut off Ashley.

He topped his outfit with a red fedora and he had a small backpack.

"You look like a loser." Ashley rolled her eyes.

"Says you." Avery retorted with his signature "Sasha and Avery smirk"

"Guys, come on. You're big kids, you aren't supposed to fight about this."

Avery sighed. He led us out the front door and gestured for me to open the the Range Rover. I got in, got the kids in and drove out of the fancy, quiet neighborhood.

"I'm bored. Can you please play some music, Mom?" Ashley asked as she faced the window with her chin on her palm.

I sighed, knowing that the songs installed in the family car were our songs. We used to listen all day long and sing with them, not caring if we were off-key.

I pressed the play button on the installed music player and Every Night by Imagine Dragons came out.

I'm the colorless sunrise,

that's never good enough

I'm the wind that's in your hair,

that ruffles you up

If you can find a reason,

you can let me know

I won't blame you,

I'll just turn and go

At this moment, I had a weird feeling about that song. It's like I never really understood it enough up until now. Now I knew what it feels like to be that colorless sunrise, to never be good enough. It bit me. The realization suddenly dawned itself to my head. Maybe I was like the storyteller of the song, looking for an explanation and being contented with just that. Then I'll leave. Like nothing ever happened.

"Hey, isn't that one of your songs with Mo-err...Sasha?" Ashley asked me.

"Don't remind her, Ash. It's making her uncomfortable." Avery whispered to his sister. "You can turn it off if you want to, Mom."

"Thanks. But let's just leave it on." I smiled.

They exchanged shocked glances and I shook my head at their worry for me. Another thing they got from their Mommy. Constantly worrying about things they weren't supposed to be in on.

We arrived on the Los Angeles Court House and was greeted by a bunch of paps. I told them to wear their sunnies so they wouldn't attract much attention before stepping out of the car and ushering them in the crowd of unwanted stalkers. A lot of people shoved their mics in front of our faces but everything was okay when we got inside. We went over the front desk and told the woman our names and our case. We took our sunnies off and Avery replaced his with his graded glasses. The woman typed something in her computer and one of our lawyers were sent to meet us and bring us to Room 341.

"Shea, I'm sorry for this." Attorney Shaw told me as we were about to enter the room.

"What are you-"

He cut me off by saying, "You'll understand once you're inside."

I nodded and led my kids to the small fancy waiting room. I shook my head at my lawyer's overreaction and just chuckled at the thought of, "what could go wrong?"

And at that second, I knew the world hated me.

Standing there, wearing a white dress with a black cardigan was Sasha, my ex-wife and worst nightmare. Beside her was her douchebag of a boyfriend, John Samuels in an expensive, perfectly-tailored black suit.

Sasha pulled out that welcoming, embracing smile that was telling you "welcome home" and held out her arms like she was waiting for my kids to hug her.

I laughed.

Not the fake, sarcastic laugh. But the laugh that tells you you're funny. I think I even snorted just to stop myself.

Sasha's smile faded and John looked at me like I was crazy.

Maybe I am.

Avery just walked past them and took out his iPad out of the blue backpack he brought. He sat on the leather couch then started playing Minecraft. Ashley followed him on the couch and she too, brought her little gadget to cheer her up. I followed them suit and sprawled on the couch like I was at home.

I know what Avery and Ashley were playing at. We played this before for Sasha's last birthday she celebrated with us. We were pretending to not notice her and do everything nonchalantly. Then we surprised her and told our Happy Birthday speeches.

But the surprise was for the judge to say.

To tell her that I have full custody of my children and she could suck John's ass.

"I like our waiting room, Mom. It's cute and expensive looking." Ashley spoke up, continuing our little game.

"Seriously, Ash? I hate it. It has too many plastics, like that chair over there and something weird over there. If that thing was thrown into the sea, I swear, it would float for years." He said, pointing at a place near his Mommy.

John and Sasha were still standing near the door but John now has his arms around Sasha while she was trembling a bit.

I decided to step up the game.

"It's a nice room, yeah, but I agree with Avery. Too much plastic.Needs a little more genuinity." I sighed. "Would you like to see your Mommy soon?"

Avery was smirking. "You mean, Sasha. I wouldn't call her Mommy ever. She never deserved our love. I hope she leaves us alone soon."

"I know, Aves! She seriously pisses me off, it's actually best that she left us. We never needed her. And you know what? They still decided to keep that dog who bit me! What kind of mother is she?" Ashley whined.

"Good thing she's not ours anymore. We have what we want and need. A great and understanding Mom." Avery said, leaving his iPad for a while to hug me.

Ashley did the same and I returned their hugs and sweet exchanges of "I love you's".

By now, the whole room echoed my ex-wife's strangled and broken sobs.

"What are you trying to do, Shea? Use our children to break me?" She said inbetween cries.

I scoffed. "Ugh. Excuse me, our children? Make your own kids, Sasha. Oh. Maybe you could make a dozen with your new boyfriend."

Sasha walked nearer to our couch and knelt before Avery. She carefully took his fedora and ruffled his hair a bit. Avery flinched and snatched her hand away from him.

"Stay away from me, Sasha." He spat.

She got up, startled. She had a hand to her mouth and she was sobbing like crazy.

"Is this what you want, Shea? To break me, again and again?"

I stood up from the couch and got into my challenging stance, with my arms folded and my eyes narrowed.

"Oh so now, you're the broken one? I'd just like to remind you that while we were still together, I found you making out with this douchebag in our bedroom. What does that make me feel? And that time when you said straight out of the blue that you wanted to leave us and move in with him. What does that make me feel? When you filed the divorce papers without my permission, what does that make us feel? Yes, Sasha. Us. Me, my kids, your parents, Sam, my dad. Weren't we broken? Tell me! You barely know what it's like. But I guess Ashley is right. We should be thankful you left." I said firmly.

"It was best for all of us that Sasha wanted to be with me. What are you so proud of? That Sasha's parents loves you so much? And that you have children with her?" John asked.

"What am I so proud about? Hm...I have a boy who has honors and just this morning, he was lecturing me with the importance of a banana in his meal, he even used a word I never said my whole life. And maybe I'm proud of a girl who has a ballet recital every month and that she's been invited to a prestigious summer school for her dancing. I'm proud of the fact that they are capable of so much without their Mommy. I'm proud of the fact that I know all of those things while someone never even heard of it. I'm not proud of the fact that these children are Sasha's. I'm proud because they're mine." I huffed. "Come on, dudes." I said, ushering them out of the claustrophobia-inducing room.

"That. Was. Badass, Mom!!!" Ashley shrieked once we were outside.

"And the ending? BAM! Roasted John on the menu!" Avery said proudly.

"Okay, okay. That's enough. We have a case to win!" I chuckled.

"Yeah!" They agreed in unison.

I laughed and we all started laughing. Attorney Shaw came to pick us up as we were laughing the last breaths of our lungs. We headed to the court where history was made.

I won.

I won the full custody of Ashley Marie Moore and Avery Marshall Moore.

"So guys, ice cream?" I asked as we were leaving the court house.

"Sure, Mom." Avery replied.

"Let's go!" Ashley shouted and we ran past lawyers and members of the jury in the hall.

"Shannon! Ash! Aves!" A woman panted behind us.

We stopped abruptly. We would know that voice anywhere. It was my ex-mother-in-law, Susan. She jogged closer to us and she bent over in exhaustion.

"Hey, I was just wondering if all of you could come over for dinner tomorrow at eight. We'll all cook one of your favorites." She chuckled.

"Of course, Mamu. We could go. Right, Mom?" Avery queried, looking up at me.

"Of course, bud." I chuckled.

"But do you still remember our favorites, Mamu? We won't come over unless you do." Ashley teased.

Susan rolled her eyes. "Meatballs for Avery, fettucine Alfredo for Shea and the Peters's signature chocolate cake for Ashley."

"That's all correct!" Ashley faked a gasp and we all chuckled.

Maybe it was a fun night. Who knows?

S A S H A

I feel like shit.

My Mom told me that there was a special dinner tonight and she said it will be fun. She said she invited a few people that will surely make me smile. I hope she's right.

I make my way to the bathroom to shower when a pair of muscled masculine arms wrap around my waist.

"Where are you going, hon?"

Hon. Not babe. I had to remind myself that I was with John now. He makes me happy. At least, I think I'm happy. No more Shea by my side, who's constantly anmoying my shit out. I was with John who can make me feel like a real woman. But I was without Avery and Ashley.

I remember the time when they can barely talk. Shea brought us to Disneyland for the twins' first birthday, we'll stay on this expensive hotel for almost a week then we went to Warner Bros. Studio for our anniversary.

***

We were inside a restaurant for lunch in the Studio when Shea started staring at me weirdly.

"Babe, what're you thinking about?" I asked Shea.

She stared at me like I was the most precious pearl in the world and replied. "I feel like I'm living a dream. I mean, who wouldn't feel like it? I have two amazing kids and I know they will continue being amazing through the years and this beautiful wife who I never thought of spending my forever with."

I held her hand and stared at her too. Ocean blue meets dark hazel. The world could've just exploded right then and there but only my heart did. I couldn't believe it either. I love her so much.

***

But there was no turning back now. I'm standing here on a house that's not ours, with arms around me that's not Shea's. I made my decision and I won't sacrifice my pride when I found out that living without them is hell. I guess I don't need to leave maybe I just needed a break from them, but I made a huge mistake. It was too late.

"My Mom told me to come over for dinner later at eight and I have to go to the store to pick up some things she told me to buy. And she specifically told me to come earlier to help her cook." I said facing him.

"Oh, well couldn't we tag along? It is a dinner for you." John replied, nuzzling my nose.

"I don't know. Mom mentioned I shouldn't bring anyone else and just the groceries." I hesitated.

"What could go wrong? It's a family dinner and we are your family now. Aren't we?"

"Yeah.Of course. I'm going to take a shower now." I said, smiling.

"You sure you don't want me to join you?"

"Not now."

He kissed me gently and softly before leaving me to do my business. His kisses weren't bad but they weren't the best. I'll always remember the person who could give them.

***

We were at the library and my character, Alison has this gay love affair with one of the liars, Emily portrayed by Shea Moore who was a good eight years older than me. A few minutes later, the scene started and I was sitting on the floor with a book on my lap, giggling softly.

"What's so funny?" Shea appeared out of nowhere, portraying her character well.

"Their names." I breathed. "Pip, Mr. Wopsle, Uncle Pumblechuck. They all sound like stuffed animals."

"I can't believe you already finished it."

"Want me to tell you what happens? I can make you a cheat sheet." I asked. I twirled some of hair in my fingers. "You know you should really let me braid your hair sometime."

She said something about a Jenna character and I stopped her saying we shouldn't keep thinking about her but she told me that in her dream, Jenna wasn't blind and that she forgave us.

"That's why I love you. You're big on happy endings."

We both smiled.

"So is Dickens by the way. Pip gets Estella in the end. Can I read you something?"

She nods and I continue.

"I loved her against reason. Against promise, against peace. Against hope, against happiness. Against all discouragement that could be."

She was smiling at me and I knew she felt the same chemistry I was feeling.

"Did you get to that part yet?"

She nods and leans in. I was waiting for this kiss so bad that I also leaned in a little. I smiled.

***

I knew I fell in love with her the moment our lips touched even though it was scripted and I was only thirteen. I snapped out of my trance and got dressed in a pair of blue jeans, white shirt and red Vans. I took a black hoodie from the coat rack and called John.

He appeared out of the kitchen with Lady and Levi on a leash and I tensed up. I hate seeing those dogs after what they did to Ashley but I had no choice but to live with them.

"They're coming too?" I asked.

"Yeah. Do you have a problem with that?"

"Uh. No, you know what? Let's just leave."

I started walking out of the door and got into John's black SUV's passenger seat, he came a few minutes later with the dogs and he shoved them into the back seat. He got on and turned the ignition. I got a bad feeling about this and I don't like feeling this way.

"Hon, I'll just wait for you here. I can't leave Lady and Levi together for a long time."

I nodded. I don't want him to come with me either.

I bought lots of ground meat, chocolate and Alfredo sauce. It was kinda weird. My Mom doesn't cook those dishes by herself; she makes them with Shea's Dad, mine and Sam. Couldn't be possible she'd make them now because the Alfredo is Earl's (Shea's father) own recipe.

We used to have long drives just to visit my mom and dad and she would sing our songs while driving. Avery and Ashley who just started talking would join her and we would laugh every time Shea would forget a line or if the kids sneezed while singing. All of that just to get a taste of the Peters's homemade chocolate cake.

We drove to the Peters residence on a two hour drive. John parked his SUV on the curb and I pressed the doorbell with the groceries on my hands and John was waiting behind me with Lady and Levi.

My Mom beamed when she saw me but her smile vanished as soon as she noticed John. Her eyes widened in panic but she forced a smile back again to be polite.

"Sasha, John. Uh...you're both here. Come in, come in." She ushered.

She dragged John to the kitchen to "help" and pulled me into the family room.

"Why did you bring them here? I told you to not bring anyone else." Mom hissed.

"What was I supposed to do? He was guilt tripping me because he wasn't invited to family celebrations. Should I just be a rock? Besides, what could go wrong?"

"Susan, let's cook that Alfredo and meatballs."

I'd know that voice anywhere.

Earl.

He appeared from one of the guest bedrooms and smiled when he saw me. So he's the guest Mom was talking about. He gestured for us to join him in the kitchen

"How's it going, Sasha? Are you alright?"

"Yeah.Perfectly fine." I breathed nervously.

Earl knows about the divorce but he doesn't know it was because of a guy. He thought we just couldn't handle the stress from our work and decided to just be friends.

I heard the front door swing open and a blonde little girl with pigtails came in. "Mamu! I can smell the chocolate a mile away!" She bounced happily up and down until she saw me. Her grin dropped and she tensed up.

"Ashley! Where's your Mom?" Earl asked.

But my daughter didn't reply.

"Ashley, get out of the way! You're blocking Mr. Awesome Pants!"

Then I heard sweet laughter from a woman standing behind Ashley. She picked my daughter up and swung her to her right hip with a tanned boy peeking on the door, giggling at his sister's weirdness.

"Sa-Sash...a." Ashley stuttered.

Shea's beautiful smile was gone the moment she stepped inside the family room. Avery even scowled.

"Ma, you set us up?" Shea asked my Mom.

"Shea, I didn't mean to, I swear." She was stumbling on words.

"I can't believe you. And Dad? You're in on this? How long have you planned this out?" Shea accused.

"Shea, just shut up. Just eat dinner like you never saw me and forget I even existed." I blurt.

"I agreed to this because you two obviously needed some glue to fix every-" Earl was cut off by someone from the kitchen.

"Hon, are we going to cook or something?" John asked, stepping into the family room.

Sam came out too and took Avery and Ashley to the guest room Earl previously occupied.

"I can't do this. This is impossible. You all just expect us to meet up and everything will be okay?! Well wake up, people! It's obviously not! I'm taking my kids home. I can't believe any of you. And seriously, Sasha? You would bring your boyfriend and dogs here? Are you out of respect?! Dad, out of all people who would do this, I never expected you! Why are you all making our lives miserable?!"

Shea practically exploded.

"Shea, they're trying to keep this family together! Don't you appreciate their effort?! They worked hard for this! They're probably tired and you blow shit up like that?!" I piped up.

"So it comes down to this?! You're blaming me?! You know what? This is all your fault, you slut! We wouldn't be in this position if it weren't for you!"

"Me?!Seriously, Shea?! You were the one who cut me off of everything! You wouldn't even let me talk to my friends! You took my phone away and you stopped my contact with the kids! If it wasn't for your overprotectiveness we weren't be here!"

Shea's face suddenly became lighter and filled with amusement. "When did I start doing that? Tell them Sasha. When? Oh, I know! The night I found you sucking John's weiner in our bedroom! How did I feel when I found my wife cheating on me with some man she met at a business seminar?! I felt fucking conflicted! I felt worthless, angry and insecure! You fucking broke me! You fucking broke our children!"

I felt needles prick my eyes and my whole body constricted. I've never felt so hurt before. It was all true but this was the only time Shea told me how she felt. Of course, I know I'm naive.

I huffed, giving up. "Please. Just stay for dinner. Appreciate their efforts." I took my bag from the couch and started to leave.

"Sasha, this is a family dinner. You should be here. You are not leaving this house young lady." Mom said firmly. "I'm sorry for being rude John, but you have to leave. I never even invited you."

"I'm sorry for barging in. I'll see you later, hon." John said as he passed me and kissed my cheek.

When he passed Shea, he halted, took a deep breath and left with Lady and Levi. We just stared at each other for a while before Ashley came out of the guest room and ran to Shea.

Avery cleared his throat when he appeared and asked if there was cookies in the jar.

"Yes, Avery. Go get some for you and your sister." Mom said. "Shea, why don't you help with the meatballs, and Sasha, help us with the chocolate cake. Sam, take care of your niece and nephew."

***

"Ashley, eat your vegetables. Avery, stop piling everything on your plate. You can have a second serving later." Shea scolded.

"Avery, how's school? Is everything okay? Do you have a crush?" Mom asked.

"Yeah, it's all good. And I don't have a crush." Avery hid his face as he answered.

"Well then, who's Ysabel?" Ashley smirked.

"Shut up, Ash! Or do you want everyone to know who Nick is?"

Ashley became red as a tomato and Avery sneered. "Hush!"

I chuckled and stabbed a meatball using my fork. I bit into it and let the sauce drip down my chin. Shea sighed. She handed me a napkin nonchalantly but that simple gesture made me know that she still has feelings for me.

I know it.

Not that I care. I'm with John now.

"Mooom...I want the chocolate cake nooow..." Ashley whined.

"You can have a slice as soon as you eat three spoonfuls of your vegetables." Shea said.

Ashley shoved her spoonful of corn and carrots in her mouth and gobbled it up proudly. Avery shook his head and continued eating his plateful of different dishes.

"Mom, I ate more than half a plate of veggies, do I get an extra slice?" Avery asked.

"You sure? Well then, okay. You can have another slice." Shea smiled.

"Yaaasss! Best Mom Evar!" Avery exclaimed.

"Mfmghmf...mghfm!" Ashley complained.

"Yaaasss! Best Mom Evar!"

Before I could even stop it, my eyes were threatening to spill unwanted tears. I excused myself and went to the bathroom. I stared at the mirror and I couldn't even get myself to believe that I was the girl looking back at me. I've done a billion shit in my life and I couldn't even count them. As I was about to leave the bathroom, the door swung open and a pair of slender tanned arms wrapped my waist from behind. Shea kissed the top of my head and I let out a contented sigh. Her heartbeat was slow and steady and I could feel her pulling me impossibly closer to her.

"You shouldn't be crying." Shea whispered. "And we shouldn't be doing this. I love you Sasha Peters."

"I love you too, Shea Moore. But what about John? What do we tell the kids? They hate me. And I thought you did too."

She chuckled. "None of this ever happened, Sasha. You will go to bed, think that this is a dream, and never tell anyone about this."

She took my hand and led me to one of the bedrooms, lay me down and kissed my forehead.

"Always remember that I'm an actress, Sasha." She said before leaving and shutting the door behind her.

***

"Mommy! Mom! Come on! It's breakfast time!" Avery jumped on our bed and Ashley shortly followed.

Shea groaned and squinted her eyes at our six year old children.

"Who are you, people? Did you kidnap me?" Shea joked.

"Oh no. They are not even humans, Shea. They're extraterrestrial monsters who came to eat our minds." I said, joining in.

"Raaawr..." They played with their hands clawed poised like they were going to eat us.

After a few seconds of tickling, I interrupted. "Okay, let's eat breakfast. What do you guys want?"

They exchanged looks. "DONUTS!!!" They shrieked.

"DONUTS!!!"

My kids were still the same. Except for the fact that they hate me and calls me Sasha. I heard little footsteps thundering down the stairs of my parents' house. Wait. I was still here?

I can still hear Shea's words echo in my head.

"Always remember that I'm an actress, Sasha."

Which part of the events were her little act? Why is she being shady all of a sudden? Did she find a way to manipulate me?

Ugh. So many thoughts clogged my head and I need coffee. Shea's mix, to be exact. I made my way downstairs to have breakfast and I was greeted by Sam. After the announcement that we were having a divorce, Sam didn't talk to me for months, my mom and dad ignoring every plea of help I ask when it came to testifying against Shea in the court. They love Shea so much, I think they'd rather her to be their daughter instead of me.

"Good morning, Sasha! We have donuts!" Avery waved to me with a Chocolate Boston Creme in his hand.

I smiled and sat next to him and across Ashley. Ashley pushed the box of donuts in front of me and Avery sauntered to the kitchen. I got a Blueberry Cheese out of the box and took a tiny bite. Are my kids not mad at me anymore? I stared at Ashley and noticed that there was nothing different with her.

"Don't stare at me like that, Sasha. I'm...weirded out." Ashley spoke softly while biting her Strawberry-filled.

Avery returned with a mug of steaming coffee. He gave the mug to me, reactionless and he sat down like nothing happened. I carefully sipped the hot liquid and nostalgia hit me. It was Shea's mix. It was the one where she adds too much coffee, too much sugar and no cream at all (I never said it tasted great). I felt like living in a dream.

Are they okay with me again? Did Shea tell them to do this?

Speaking of the devil, Shea came out of the kitchen with another mug of coffee in her hand, sipping it gently. She was wearing a red tank top and super short shorts. She looked hot.

"Good morning. We're going to take you home since Sam couldn't. Is that okay with you?" She asked, clearly talking to me.

"Uh, yeah sure. That's fine I guess." I answered.