Flying high

I don't know what to think or feel about the situation I am currently in. I am standing in my room feeling excited and nervous too. I am feeling sad for leaving behind everything for my dreams and I am longing for a bright and successful future. my mind is in a conflict battling what to choose and how to feel.

Sighing I roam my eyes around my room which has a lot of memories. Some are sweet, some are bitter but this room is like a heaven to me saving me from the situations and things that I am running from. Memories with family and friends. This room has seen my tears and smiles, sobs, and laughs.

After the memory lane, I resumed packing my stuff and making sure everything was packed in the bags. I left my room to join my family in the living room.

"Hey princess come sit here" Dad patted beside him and I was

immediately engulfed by his warmth and cinnamon cologne which I like most, it calms me down. My dad's hugs are second best from my mom's hug.

"Did you pack everything or some things needed to be packed? Mom yelled from the kitchen preparing lunch for us.

" No mom I packed everything and I made sure to check twice that I am packing everything or not so, don't worry everything is under control"😉 I sassed at last. She doesn't like when someone answers her sassily. so sometimes I answer her this way to irritate her. She looks cute when she gets irritated.

"Scarlett rose Williams don't you dare show your sass to your mother" mom yelled from the kitchen.

"Oopsie she got irritated, I better hide somewhere," I said hurriedly while looking for a place to hide.

Julia, Nathan, and dad burst into laughter while I am searching for a place to hide running like a headless chicken.

After laughing our hearts out we all had lunch and took our mom's famous desert and my favorite apple pie to the living room and shared our childhood memories while laughing and remembering our precious moments.

"I am gonna miss u, sissy," says my younger sister Julie with a sad face and it broke my heart.

"Yeah I'm gonna miss you too scar," says Nathan, same as Julie with a sad face. They are twins 2 minutes apart from each other. They are my little devils.

"I'M gonna miss you guys too, I promise to FaceTime and call you guys frequently," I said to them.

Dad loaded my luggage in my black SUV and came towards me with a sad face.

"I am going to miss my princess a lot and always remember that no matter what time or which situation it may be I am a call away from you, I am always gonna be there for you don't forget that princess I love you," said dad with tears in his eyes hugging me tightly and calming me with his warmth.

"Promise me to take care of yourself and gonna take your meals on time and not gonna stress yourself out with your university," said mom sternly but I can see her concern in her eyes and said " I promise mom to eat properly and on time and not gonna stress myself out and gonna take care of myself" while hugging her and forgetting my every worry and stress in my momma's arms.

After a lot of convincing and promises to call and take care of myself, I started my journey from green port to New York which took 2 hours and 30 minutes to reach.

I am leaving everything behind for my dream to become a writer and an editor to a popular publishing company and make a name for me and make my family proud.

I am gonna show everyone what I am capable of.

There are going to be new challenges, people, situations, and surroundings that I have to face and fight to reach my goal.

There is nothing that can stop me from reaching myself and I am gonna make sure of it. I am gonna change myself from a scared, sad, depressive Scarlett Williams to confident, courageous, and happy Scarlett Williams.

While leaving my hometown I feel like something is weighing me down like I am leaving everything behind for the future in which I may succeed or fail?

How am I gonna face my family and the people who laughed at me and questioned my choice of profession?

I am leaving everything behind and most importantly the part where I got scars and nightmares which will haunt me in my new life too. I am physically leaving that horrible part of my life which mostly no one knows about but I am taking those scars which are on my soul and the demons which built their homes in my dreams and made them nightmares.

I've changed from a happy, optimistic Scarlett to a silent, depressed Scarlett.

Anxiety, panic attacks are the trophies I got from that part of my life.

My own family didn't know about my demons. They thought the reasons for my panic attacks and anxiety attacks were because of me stressing myself out to make good grades but they don't know the actual reasons behind them and I don't wanna tell them about it either.

I am gonna change everything and face every challenge, every situation with courage and confidence and I am gonna make myself strong and happy.

With these thoughts, I drove through the highway completing 1 hour of the journey to New York City. One and a half hours to reach my new life.

"Everything's gonna be okay. Just stay calm and patient" I repeated this in my head again and again till I got to my destination

New York City here I come.

It took me three hours to reach New York. from green port new York is two and a half hour route but due to my snail-like driving, it took me an extra half an hour to reach.

I sat in my car looking around my surroundings deep in thoughts. thoughts that didn't give any positivity to me. thoughts that are slowly destroying my confidence and making me insecure. Thoughts of my survival in New York City alone without my home and my family, thoughts which are gonna give me doubts like, what if I fail to survive and fail to adopt a new environment.what if this is not a new beginning but a disaster?

Sighing I get down from the car and unloaded my bags. I am standing in front of my apartment. I have seen the ad online that it's a three-bedroom apartment with one common bathroom a living room and an open kitchen and a back patio with an underground parking lot. there is only one vacant needed and I immediately jumped into action without any delay paying the advance and confirming my room. The other two girls also go to the same university as me. I don't know anything about them, I just know that they go to the same university.

The neighborhood is looking pretty good and it's giving calm and safe vibes. I've searched online about this area and I got pretty good and positive answers so I am feeling somewhat safe but still am away from my family and my home and already I am missing my family. "No scar you have to be strong and you have to survive this on your own" I gave myself a pep talk and unloaded my bags from the car and took them one by one to the door.

I rang the bell and stood patiently tapping my foot on the floor thinking who will gonna to open the door and how will my roommates be like? Are they good who makes friends easily or are they going to give me a hard time? I seriously don't know what to do if they don't like me or I don't like them. I can't change the apartment if we don't come along with each other. " Think positive and be calm, they are gonna like you and you are gonna like them back" I repeat these words in my head waiting for someone to open the door.

To my surprise, a girl with a warm smile and blue eyes opened the door. She is tall and has blonde hair and she has a genuine and warm smile on her lips which reaches her eyes too. I release my breath which I don't know that I am holding in. seeing her smile warmly at me warmed my heart and took away my worries somewhat.

"Hey, are you Scarlett? She asked. "Yes I am Scarlett Williams" I took her hand to shake which she is extended to shake.

"Nice to meet you scar, can I call you scar because we are gonna be best friends and best friends call their friends with pet names. You don't mind, right? She is babbling nonstop I had to stop her to give my answer. But again she interrupted me and started talking." Oh by the way I am Lilliana Jones and I am majoring in business and accounting" she introduced herself." Yes, Lilly, you can call me scar but on one condition if I gotta call you lilly, is it okay right? I asked with a slight smile and a wink and she laughed out loud and told me to call her with anything I like as long as it's not gonna offend her and which is pretty much nothing. Already she is giving me good and positive energy and making me smile genuinely and making my heart warm with her presence. This is what I am missing in my life for the past year.

"Come, come get in we have a lot of time together to talk," lilly said while taking my bag and helping me in carrying them to my room. the apartment is like in the pictures which are uploaded in the ad. Mine and Lilly's bedrooms are beside each other and our other roommate's bedroom is beside the bathroom. and my room is pretty big and has a window from which I can see a perfect sunrise and sunset which I love doing.

After shifting my bags in my room and me taking a bath and getting ready for the night I went to the living room for dinner which lilly invited me to.

"Hey come, sit I just ordered Chinese for us I hope you don't mind, when I came knocking on your door you didn't answer and I am starving so I ordered," she said nervously. "Hey relax I don't mind eating anything except seafood so chill and you didn't order seafood right? "No I didn't order, I just ordered fried rice, ramen, and fried chicken," lilly said while drooling and gulping."yummmm I am starving now and I can't wait long," I said while holding my stomach and giving her my puppy eyes." Hahaha no need for those puppy eyes scar, our food is gonna be here in 5 minutes so be patient" lilly said while laughing. " Huh! Okay, I'll wait" I said with a frown.

We talked about our families and our hometowns while eating. She is from Canada and she is the only child of her parents and she likes numbers that's why she choose her major in accounting and business management. Our third roommate is zayreen she is from turkey and she is coming tomorrow early in the morning.

Lilly and I said good night to each other and went to our bedrooms I brush my teeth and got ready to sleep. I am very much tired from the three-hour drive and I unpacked my things and arranged my room and my closet without taking a nap that's why I am too tired. I would have arranged my room for tomorrow but I don't like delaying my works and tomorrow Is Sunday and I have to prepare myself for the first day of the university on Monday. with these thoughts I slowly slipped into my sleep.

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Sunday came and went and early in the morning came zayreen, mine and Lilly's third roommate, she is a redhead probably shorter than me with blue eyes and a pretty smile. She is like 100 times bubblier than lilly and Zay likes to give hugs to anyone and her hugs are the best other than my parents and she asked us to call her Zay and she is just like a pretty little sunshine. With her bubbly and happy personality, she makes her surroundings happy and the people around her. By seeing her my worry of getting bad roommates evaporated. I am just relieved and happy that I got the best roommates.

We went grocery shopping and took all the essentials for the kitchen and stationery for the uni. We came to our apartment in the evening from Walmart and ordered pizza for dinner and chatted our night with pizza and a random comedy movie in the background. Zayreen told us about turkey and her family that she has 3 brothers and one brother stays here in New York and he is some big shot billionaire, he had shifted here when he came to New York for his university and got settled down here and doing pretty much good financially. Zay's brother offered to stay with him but as a social butterfly and wanted to be an independent woman she declined his offer and took this apartment. We ate, we laughed and we talked. This is what I call life with the positive people around you. I forgot about my demons and my past which haunts me regularly. I just hope from now on everything will be all good. We bid each other and went to our rooms by 11. I Went to my room and jumped under my duvet and with a smile on my lips, I slept like a baby till morning.

I hope tomorrow is gonna be a good start for my new life is the last thought on my mind.

I woke up to the sound of my alarm blaring."shut up" I rolled to the side to stop that devil which is my alarm and went back to sleep.

The second time I woke up feeling something heavy on me and it crushes me."Ahhhhhhhhh! I yelled my lungs out.

"Stop yelling scar". Zay said laughing out loud.

I opened my eyes to see that the weight crushing me is none other than zay and she is laughing her ass off.

"Get off of me, you hippo! What the bloody hell zay, you look skinny but you are crushing me into the bed and I feel like someone is crushing me with a stone" I said while trying to get her off of me.

She gasps and said dramatically"take that back scar"

" What if I don't take it back," I said sassily.

" I am gonna count 1 to 3 if you won't take it back then see what will happen," she said threatening me.

"Stop being a drama queen Zay," I said while getting from the bed.

" 1,2 you have still time to take that back scar," Zay said throwing daggers through her eyes. Which makes me laugh because she is looking like a cartoon character.

"3 I have given you the time scar now it's time to show you what zayreen will gonna do," Zay said with an evil glint in her eyes laughing funnily imagining herself as some sort of villain from the movies but she is failing hard.

" Hahahahhahahahaha" now I am on the ground clutching my stomach laughing hard while tears streaming down my cheeks. Suddenly I felt the same weight and opened my eyes to see zayreen straddling me and she had that same evil glint in her eyes and a smirk this time.

" Buhahahaahhhaaa" now you are gonna laugh your ass off the scar," Zay said and started tickling me without giving me time to react.

"Stop stooooooooooop" I am screaming like a madwoman and laughing at the same time.

" First take that back, then I will stop," she said while tickling me hard.

" I am taking it back zay, you are not a hippo and you don't weigh like it too". I said between my laughing.

" Hmmm good girl, this is the first that's why I am sparing you, if you say it again then this tickle monster will tickle you until you pee in your pants," Zay said while grinning and getting off of me.

"Ewwwww Zay what the hell is that," I said while getting from the ground.

" You wanna see how it happens? Come one I will show you" Zay said while jiggling her fingers and coming my way.

" Noooooooooooooooo"

I yelled and ran to the living room and into the kitchen where lilly is preparing breakfast. I hide behind her " lilly please save me from zayreen, I think she had gone mad or something, she is tickling me" I said pleading.

" Zayyyyyyy, stop this now if not we are gonna leave you here and we will go to uni without you," lilly said hands on her hips and frowning.

" No need to threaten lilly, I am going to stop anyways," she said while pouting like a child.

" Good, now go and get ready you take more time than us to get ready," lilly said while smirking.

" You guys are evil, I am not talking to you both for two minutes," Zay said like a drama queen stomping her feet and going into her room.

" She is such a drama queen," lilly said laughing.

" That she is," I said laughing with her.

After our drama session in the morning ( note my sarcasm) we got ready, ate our breakfast, and getting ready to take off to the university.

I am currently sitting on the couch wearing my usual attire consists of high-waisted jeans and a hoody with boots and some accessories. Clutching my bag to my chest. I am drowning in my unnecessary thoughts and insecurities waking my demons in my head and they are clawing minds to free them and wanted to wreck me. I started doubting myself and the decision I took which is to come here and took admission to New York University. Planting insecurities in my head like what people think of my outfit, what my classmates think of me, what if I don't belong here, is everyone going to judge me? Bully me if I do something wrong? What if I am judged because of my style? My demons are pulling me towards the dark hole which exists in my head and making me degrade myself and wanna stop me from moving on and doing something good with my life. These negative thoughts are gonna mess with my life and I am gonna miss this opportunity that life gave me. So, I am not gonna let my doubts, insecurities win. I am gonna leave them behind and move forward towards the light. I am gonna come out from that dark hole where my demons are whispering to me to come back but now I am not gonna listen to them.

" Come to the earth scar," Zay said while moving her hand in front of my face.

" Stop it scar," I said with a scowl.

" Hey, what's with that scowl scar. Are you getting cold feet because this is our first to uni? Zay asked.

I nodded and dropped my head.

" Hey hey. Don't be scared or get a nervous scar. I know how you are feeling and to be honest I am scared more than you. Do you know why?

Zay asked me and I nodded no.

" Because back in turkey throughout my school life I got bullied because of my red hair but I always fought back because I know that they are just jealous of my hair and they envy me that's why they bullied me. People who judge you are just jealous of you because they can't have what we have. So get up and smile big. Today is our first to the New York University and we are gonna rock" she said while clapping her hands and jumping with a big grin.

Seeing Zay and listening to her made me relieve and somewhat confident.

I can do it I repeated this in my head through our journey to the uni.

We took Zay's car to the uni because she has a shiny red Porsche and we want to make a grand entry to our first day is what says words are.

After getting off from the car and entering uni's corridor we met with few glances but nothing like high school. We took our schedules and went to a seminar hall. There is a seminar which consists of welcoming new students to the university.

Throughout the seminar, we three sat beside each other and listened to the dean who is telling us about the university and the professors.

Seminar took 2 hours to complete. After that, we went to our separate classes.

I had 3 classes after the seminar and we all have classes in the morning session only so we have plenty of time to do anything we want to do in that time.

I am gonna find a job to pay bills and for my other necessities. I don't have to worry about money because my dad gonna send money to my account but I want to bear my expenses on my own I want to work and study. I want to take responsibility.

After our classes, we went to our apartment.

" I am dead tired," lilly said while laying on the couch like a starfish.

" Yeah me too," Zay said sitting on the kitchen table while sipping water.

I just nodded my head and sighed.

" So how are your classes and your professors," I asked lilly and Zay.

" They are good and already there is a lot to learn and store that in your brain," said lilly exasperating.

" Awww poor thing" Zay cooed from the kitchen with a pout.

" Anyways I don't have much work to do. I just have to use my creative skills and that's it" Zay said with her hands waving like a magician.

" Seriously Zay do you think you are a magician? With just a flick of a finger you are gonna finish everything" lilly said with a raised brow.

" Who knows maybe I, am," Zay said again waving hands like something is there in her hands and waving in front of Lilly's face.

" Stop it Zay or else I am gonna threw a bucket of water on you and drain all your magic powers," lilly said evilly.

" Oh no please don't do that lilly. How am gonna live without magic? Zay said dramatically removing fake tears from her eyes.

" Will you guys please stop your drama? If you two gonna continue any longer I am gonna hit my head to the wall. I said seriously folding my arms. But I am dying to control my laugh because of their antics.

" Oh, no scar please don't leave us. We can't live without you please" Zay and lilly both say while coming away to hug me.

" Oh my God! You two are seriously such a drama Queens. Will you two please stop it I am gonna die laughing this hard" I said while laughing.

Soon they joined me and started laughing aloud. " Seriously guys you two are such a drama Queens and who talk like that magic and all. Seriously! I said while laughing with them.

" Whatever but it makes us laugh that is the main point here," lilly said while getting off from the floor where we are rolling and laughing.

" Yes guys it makes us laugh and we are relieved from the uni's stress which we are feeling when we came back from the uni. And laughing is good for our health. Zay said like a therapist.

" Yes yes, it is," I said while sitting on the couch from the ground.

" Okay guys, what are you guys gonna eat? Tell me I am going it make it" lilly yelled from the kitchen.

Zay and I yelled spaghetti at the same time.

We looked at each other and laughed again like children.

" Okay, then spaghetti gonna be prepared by the chef," lilly said adjusting her imaginary chef cap on her head.

" Can you please make it quick chef?" Zay asked loud?

" You have to wait zay because this chef takes her time to make a delicious and mouthwatering spaghetti" lilly says while tying her apron.

" Okay then we will wait chef," Zay said turning on the TV.

" Ummmmm it tastes so good lilly," Zay said licking her fingers which had sauce.

"Yep, I never had this tasty spaghetti before. Where did you learn to make this? I asked while taking my last bite.

" My nana she taught me this and she taught me most of her dishes. She is an Italian so she knows how to cook and I begged her to taught me and to share with her all the secret recipes and ingredients" Zay said with a laugh.

After cleaning the kitchen and washing dishes we went to the living room to watch a movie before going to bed.

Zay selected a random chick flick and we laughed and dubbed it in our version by preparing random lines and mimicking the characters. We had a lot of fun and I laughed so much today which I hadn't done in the past two years.

This moment is giving me hope that everything is gonna be okay and I am gonna be okay and happy. If something happens these two people who have become my real close friends will be gonna there for me. It gives me hope for the future and makes me believe in something good.