Finding Her: A Tale of Tragedy which leads to Love

"He travelled last night." I said to Anna while chewing the burger loudly. She looked at me with disgust and shook her head, disappointedly.

"Sorry ma." I said sarcastically and continued chewing the same way.

"Oh come on Jenny." Anna pleaded which made me laugh before taking the last bite of the burger and cleaning my fingers with the serviette which came with it. "And you know I missed you".

"Oh please, stop lying . My brother traveled last night and you finally have my time. He did not even inform me o!". Anna complained which caused me to roll my eyes.

"Don't take it personally babe, besides, Brian traveled for work".

"I still don't understand why he traveled a month before your wedding Jenny. It does not make any sense. He is always so busy, it is annoying". Anna complained.

"It is fine babe, I am not whining, besides, he will be back in a week and I will be your best friend plus sister-in-law! Aren't you excited?!".

Anna rolled her eyes, "I still can't believe you are going to be my sister-in-law".

"Why not? You should be excited, you know?".

Anna scoffed.

"Well, it is too late to regret it. You were the one who introduced us, you said we matched, remember?" I said poking her.

Anna and I had been best friends since we met at the university. One day, I complained about being single and my need for a man in my life; mind you, I was only joking. Anna took me seriously and fixed me on a date with Brian; I was in disbelief when she called that Saturday morning informing me that he was going to pick me up for the date. I insulted Anna that day, and she kept laughing and saying "You asked and I delivered".

I was not expecting this kind of "delivery". I honestly wasn't. I had seen Brian a couple of times but we only exchanged pleasantries, besides, he was always out of the country, working. Anyways, we met that day, and boy, I fell in love instantly. He was everything I needed.

"I don't regret anything, I am happy for you and my brother, honestly". Anna said.

"Whatever". I mumbled and hissed loudly. "Anyway, he said he will stop this work once we get married. I can't wait, I need to see my husband everyday, I love him so much".

Anna rolled her eyes again.

"Keep doing that till your eyes fall off, rubbish girl".

Anna chuckled, "Relax na, anyway, I hope he quits this job as he promised, Brian is quite stubborn".

I nodded in agreement, Brian is so stubborn. It took lots of arguments and convincing before he decided to take this step. He traveled to China this time around to close all deals and other work-related things I could not really comprehend when he explained. I think he also mentioned that he wad going to start working here. Case in point, he was going to stop traveling, that was all that mattered to me, really.

I walked into the kitchen to wash my hands, they were sticky. I heard the television and depicted that Anna tuned into the news channel which was really loud. I gritted my teeth as I helped myself with a glass of juice from the fridge.

I am going to yank Anna's hair off, why can't she reduce the volume abeg?

No, no, I will bite her first, then yank her hair off.

"I think of the most stupid things". I said with a smile as I walked into the loud sitting room with my glass of juice. I looked round for Anna but she was not there, she went to the toilet, probably.

"Don't destroy my toilet!". I shouted then sat down. I looked at the television, hissed and proceeded to change it when the headlines caught my attention.

British Airways - Explosion. No survivors.

I froze.

I took out my phone from the pocket of my joggers.

God please, no.

This can't be true.

Please, God, please.

I opened my messages with Brian and opened the file which contained his flight ticket. My eyes welled up.

No, this cannot be true.

God please.

God please.

God please.

I repeated these two words so many times in my head. My mind was spiraling. I just sat there, staring at my phone in disbelief.

Anna walked into the sitting room "I did not destroy your toilet ma." She sighed as she sat beside me.

I did not even realize that my juice had fallen out of my hand until she tapped me.

"What is wrong?" She asked with so much concern. I couldn't talk, I couldn't move, I was just staring at my phone. She yanked the phone out of my hand and looked at it. "I don't understand babe, please talk to me." She pleaded.

I directed my eyes towards the TV. Anna followed my eyes and it suddenly clicked. "Oh my goodness!!" She exclaimed, her hands clasped her mouth. It seemed like her scream alerted my brain. I knelt down, on the broken glass, and took one of them that looked extremely pointy and sharp, I slowly brought it to my left wrist.

It is better to do this instead of going through pain. I cannot go through this, no way.

Anna stopped me halfway.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?! What is wrong with you??". I looked at her eyes, she was in tears.

"What does it look like Anna? I'm taking my life. I was supposed to get married in a month, now look at this"

"That does not warrant you to take your life Jenny, I feel your pain, he was my brother too, remember?". She started wailing terribly.

I dropped the glass and hugged her tightly. "I'm sorry Anna, I'm so sorry".

She shook her head, "No, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry". She wailed and wailed, I kept tapping her back gently while I thinking.

I have lost the love of my life.

What am I going to do from here on? What is going to happen to me?

How is my life going to be like?

What did I do to deserve this? What did I do?.

I started crying silently.

Today marked 2 years since Brian's passing, and it still hurt like the day I discovered it on the news channel. We had an empty burial for him because there were no remains; every passenger on that flight was burnt to ashes, and it was horrible.

Brian's parents invited me and other friends of his to their house today for a memorial dinner. I was sitting in my car, parked close to Brian's house, contemplating whether to walk into my dead fiance's home or drive off to the beach and drink myself to stupor.

I already finished a bottle of Vodka before leaving the house, however, I had another bottle in my car, in case.

Grieving Brian had been hell for me, I did not get better, I kept getting worse. Fortunately for me, I had Anna, she was always there.

My mum was also there, Anna's parents as well. My support system was stronger than I expected.

However, I messed that up, especially with Anna. I kept projecting my feelings toward her and lashing out at her. It got so bad that she stopped visiting me and we stopped talking.

I remember that day vividly, it was 7 months after Brian's passing. I had finished work that day at 6 pm, exasperated. However, I did not want to go home immediately, I did not want to be alone with my thoughts, my mental health was already deteriorating, and I did not want it to get worse. I got into my car and drove to the beach, Brian's favorite place. I had been going there often since he died. He and I went to the beach countless times. A lot of unforgettable memories were made at the beach with him. Our first date was at the beach, our first kiss was at the beach, and he proposed at the beach. He always said, "the beach emerges so many emotions, emotions that are overwhelming, but when you stare at the waves, it strangely calms you". I honestly did not understand what he meant, I always asked him to explain but he never did. Hopefully, I would figure that out.

I got to the beach and met the closed sign. I turned off my car engine and stared at the waves with tears in my eyes. I breathed in deeply and sighed. I tried so hard to control the tears but I lost the battle. I started wailing loudly, it was so hard to reduce my voice. I wailed and wailed till my throat got so dry. My phone lit up, it was Anna calling. I realized that she had been calling but I couldn't hear my phone ringing from all the cries.

Shit.

I had just remembered that she called me at work saying she would be at my place because she wanted to see me. I drove off instantly.

"Are you okay? Where the hell have you been?". She asked with concern after opening the door for me.

"Hey". I muttered as I walked into the kitchen, helping myself to a glass of water.

"I have been worried sick Jenny. You weren't picking up your calls, I called work and was told that you had left. I was so scared. Where have you been Jenny?"

I did not want to talk, I was not in the mood. I was extremely tired, my eyes were puffy, and I was so famished. I sat on the sofa and stared at the black TV screen.

Anna stood in front of me, hands akimbo. "Why aren't you saying anything, Jennifer?"

"Because I am not in the mood Anna, I am exhausted, and I don't feel like talking". I replied calmly.

Anna folded her arms. "I don't like how you have been acting these days. It is so hard to reach you. Most times, you aren't home. You don't tell me where you're going to. We hardly even talk Jenny."

"Anna please!". I shouted. I couldn't believe it. I looked up at her, she stared at me in disbelief. "Please leave me alone, your complaints are extremely irritating."

Anna scoffed, "Excuse me? My complaints are irritating? I have been looking out for you. We both lost someone dear to us, and we have to stick together so we don't lose ourselves, Jenny".

"Well I did not ask you to do this. I lost my fiance. I lost the love of my life!". I got up, tears welling up in my eyes again.

"And I lost my brother! Are you forgetting that? How selfish can you be?? I am trying to look out for you, you aren't doing the same thing".

"I did not ask you to look out for me Anna. Leave me alone."

Those words broke Anna, I could tell from her eyes. She looked at me with so much dismay, I could tell she was heartbroken. She grabbed her bag from the center table, dropped my extra house keys on the sofa, and walked away without saying a word. I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of vodka which I received as a gift a few years back from the shelf. I gulped the content of the bottle thrice and felt so much better. That was when my addiction began.

***

I stared at my watch, 7 pm. The dinner began at 6 pm, I arrived at 5 pm, and I'd been sitting in the car for 2 hours. I had already seen some of his friends entering the house but I hid, of course.

Should I leave?

No no, I shouldn't. I hadn't seen these guys for a year now, and I already acknowledged their invitation. It would be rather rude to leave now.

I inhaled deeply.

Let's do this.

I walked into the house, the security opened the gate for me with open arms.

"Madam, long timeeee," He said with so much joy. "How body?"

"I'm fine, how have you been?" I asked with a sincere smile. I missed him so much. He was fun to be around.

He was about to reply when we heard a voice. I froze.

"Musa, who is that?" The voice asked. I turned around and looked at Anna. I could tell from her face that she wasn't happy to see me. "Oh, you made it." She said. I couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or not.

"Hey". I started. "How is the dinner going?"

She looked at me, trying so hard to conceal the anger she felt towards me. "Quite well, they have been expecting you". She said and started walking into the house before I could let out another word. I quickly followed her.

"Anna, we need to talk, please. I don't want us to keep being this way."

Anna ignored me and kept walking. I could hear low murmurs coming from the dining room, I quickly forced a smile as we edged close.

"Jennifer is here!" She announced as she walked in with me behind. The room fell silent.

I shouldn't have come here. I thought to myself as my smile disappeared. I looked at the table, I looked at my ex-parents-in-law. Martha, Brian's mum, looked frail and tired. Ben, his dad, still looked better than ever. I felt a pain in my chest as I stared at Ben, he reminded me so much of Brian, because they looked so identical. I glanced at Brian's three best friends, James, Kenneth, and Michael, who stared at me like I was some stranger. Then I looked at Anna, who busied herself with the meal in front of her.

Should I just leave? Should I go home? What am I doing here? I thought to myself.

"Are you going to keep standing there Jenny?" Ben asked. I heard snickering coming from the guys. I looked at Ben and smiled.

"No, however, I feel unwanted." I responded calmly.

"Well, that is your fault, not ours." Martha said with a rude tone in her voice.

"Mom!" Anna scolded.

"What? Am I lying? You didn't speak to us for a year Jenny, what did we do to you? Tell us!" She got up angrily. "Why did you cut ties with us?"

I looked down at my toes, praying for the ground to swallow me whole because I couldn't take more of this. I could feel the tears coming but I tried so hard to hold them in, which was successful. I looked up again.

"I didn't cut ties with you, I only wanted to be alone." I replied.

"You are so selfish and wicked." She said with tears in her eyes. "Look around, we all lost someone dear to us". She pointed at Brian's friends, "They lost their best friend," She pointed at Ben, "He lost his only son," She pointed at Anna who bowed her head, "She lost her only brother," and she pointed at herself, "And I lost my only son."

"Martha, sit down, you shouldn't do this, not on this day." Ben said calmly as she sat down still looking at me.

She wasn't done with her speech, "We all try to be strong for each other, because no one can bear this alone. Then you suddenly decided to be on your own. You lost him but we also lost him!" She concluded.

The room fell silent again. I was still standing. They were still looking at me.

No, I couldn't do it anymore. It was humiliating.

"So why was I invited?" I asked sternly. Martha was about to respond and I could tell from her facial expressions that I was going to be scolded so badly. However, someone else interjected.

"Excuse me?" This was a different voice. A male voice, I directed my eyes towards Kenneth. Brian never called Kenneth his best friend, he called him his brother, and they were extremely close. I watched Kenneth walk towards me. "Look," I followed his finger which pointed at the table. Brian's picture - which I did not notice when I walked in. I took that picture at the beach. He looked so good that day and I decided to take the picture with our Polaroid camera. My heart sank as I stared at the picture. He was laying on a beach mat, wearing only his beach shorts and sunglasses, grinning. I stared so hard at that picture I didn't realize when my face was wet with tears.

"You are here because he would have loved it. You are here because Brian would have been extremely disappointed if you weren't. You are here because despite what you did, we still consider you as part of this family!" He said sternly.

I looked up at him, his eyes were filled with pain; so much pain, and right there and then, I realized that I made a huge mistake.

When we all received the news regarding Brian's death, we always checked on each other, at least once a week, to remind each other that we were always available. However, I stopped. I just didn't care anymore. It got worse after that fight with Anna. I stopped talking to them totally, which was why I was so shocked when I received the invitation.

"I...I'm so sorry." I choked on my words. Kenneth scoffed and walked back to his seat. I looked at all of them "I am extremely sorry. I am". I said aggressively cleaning my tears because it was so embarrassing.

I was still standing, all eyes were on me.

The room was silent.

There was nothing else to say, I just wanted to leave at that point. I looked at Brian's picture one last time and then looked at Anna who still had her head down.

"I guess this is my cue". I paused. "Goodbye, and goodnight". I concluded and walked out of the house, hiding my face from Musa as I walked out of the house and into my car.

As I closed my car door, I pondered on the words that Kenneth and Brian's mother said to me, and tears fell down my cheeks.

I lost them, every single one of them.

And the worst of it all, I lost my best friend.

I banged on the steering wheel.

I lost the only family that cared about me, which was entirely my fault.

What the hell is wrong with me?????

I banged on the wheel again, this time, my car honked which jolted me. My phone buzzed on my lap which caused me to jerk, I received a message from the airport, and I turned off my phone and threw it on the passenger's seat.

I needed a distraction, I needed something to take my mind off what I went through at Brian's place. The unsolicited intervention, the anger in their eyes, and the disappointment in their faces were all too overwhelming.

I turned on the car engine and drove off to the only place that gave me solace and peace - the beach.

***

I arrived at the beach and met the closed sign. I honestly did not care, I parked close to a coconut tree, grabbed my bottle of vodka, and got out of the car. I started taking full gulps of the alcohol as I strolled aimlessly with tears in my eyes.

I was slowly losing myself, I had no one to turn to. My mum and I have not been talking that much recently so basically, I was all alone.

Life sucks. I said to myself, I also suck. Maybe I deserved this, I deserved all that was said to me at dinner. I deserved it.

I started feeling tipsy so I sat down on the sand and downed the remnants of the bottle before lying down on my back and staring at the skies.

My eyes welled up with tears as I stared at the stars.

"I miss you so much Brian, more than you ever know. I miss you every day, I miss you so so much." I said.

I turned over to my side, grabbed a fist full of sand, and threw it across the beach as I cried out loud. I buried my head into my palms, wailing.

When is this going to get better? When am I going to get better???

I asked myself countless times. Then I felt a drop of water on my shoulder.

Oh shit. It is about to rain.

Unfortunately, I did not think fast, it started raining heavily. I did not know what to do at that moment but the rain was dealing with me seriously. I slowly got my tipsy self up and sighed. I was far from my car. I looked around me and saw a bar not far from where I stood and began to stagger towards there.

"Woah, you are extremely drenched ma'am," the bartender said and I froze. He sounded so much like Brian. I shook my head and sat on one of the bar stools close to the counter. I gave him a wry smile and studied him, he was extremely tall, and dark in complexion, just like Brian. He was also wearing a pair of glasses, I couldn't tell if they were medicated or not but they fitted him perfectly. He wore a shirt that read - "Bri's restaurant and bar". I assumed that it was the name of the homely building. He looked slightly older than me.

We are probably the same age.

I then scanned across the room in awe. I had been to this beach countless times and had never taken notice of this bar. It gave off a different and unique vibe as opposed to the ones I had been to. It was quite small but homely. I was glad to have found it at the right time.

I heard a snap of someone's fingers and realized that I was lost in thought.

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked.

"I asked if you wanted something hot, like coffee. It seems like you need it". The bartender said.

"Oh, cold water is fine" I replied and turned my head to keep staring at the place.

"I can tell that you like the place," He said as he handed me the glass of water.

"Oh yes, it is nice, it is well planned. I haven't noticed this bar before, is it new?" I was genuinely curious.

He nodded with a smile, "there was an old building here but it was renovated into this bar by 3 guys 2 years ago."

That explained why I didn't notice it earlier. I only came to the beach to drink my sorrows and go home.

"Well that is extremely impressive. They did a good job". I said as I gulped the water in one go.

"Yeah, I agree with you". He said, "Do you need anything else?" He asked taking the glass away and cleaning the counter. I looked at the shelves and admired the bottle of tequila staring at me. I had a horrible history with tequila, it never ended well for me. I either vomited or did something crazy due to its influence.

Don't Jenny, don't do it. You are already tipsy, you should just wait and go home when the rain subsides.

Did I listen to my subconscious?

Nope. I did not. I asked for that bottle and a shot glass. The next thing I knew, I had taken 10 shots and the entire room was woozy.

Shit - was the last word that I thought of before plopping my head on the counter.

"Hello, ma'am? Hello?"

I knew that voice, I could never forget it.

"Ma'am? We have closed, and the rain is gone, you should get going"

Brian?

I slowly rose my head and looked around. No one was there again, just me and whoever was tapping me.

Am I drunk?

Nope, I'm not.

I looked at the manly figure beside me and cupped his face with my hands, barely seeing. "Hey Brian, I've missed you so so much." I hugged him tightly.

"Ma'am, you're mistaking me for someone else. You have to go home, we have closed". The bartender repeated.

"Go home? No baby, wherever you go, I'll follow". I said. "I've missed you, life has been extremely difficult without you. I'm so glad you're back baby, even if it is going to be for a short while, I'm elated".

Then I looked up at him again. I could not open my eyes fully. "I've missed you Brian. Don't leave me again, please," I said with tears in my eyes and hugged him again. Then I got up abruptly, fell to the floor, and started laughing.

"I look pathetic don't I? Yeah, life has been hard and painful" I lay on the bare floor and sighed deeply "Extremely painful."

Those were my last words before I drifted off to sleep. The last words I kept hearing were, "Ma'am, you can't sleep here, you need to wake up".

Why does Brian keep calling me ma'am?

Am I dead?

***

A massive headache woke me up.

What did I do last night?

My head was banging, it was excruciating. I kept twisting and turning, looking for a better position to continue sleeping because I did not have the zeal to get up from bed that morning. It was Saturday so there was no work.

Sleep please return to me. I pleaded within myself.

I sighed. The sleep had departed from me and I suddenly felt so parched. I sat up on the bed, stretched, and let out a painful groan, then slowly opened my eyes and met two guys standing at the door staring at me. They looked like they were stifling a laugh.

Huh?

Who are these guys and what are they doing in my room?

I was so confused.

It felt as though my senses were slowly coming back to me. I suddenly heard someone snoring lightly beside me.

What the hell is going on?

What exactly is happening?

I turned to my side and met a guy sleeping peacefully. I let out a horrible scream and started banging the pillow on his face. He woke up in so much shock. I kept hitting the pillow on his face. When he was able to ascertain what was going on, he grabbed my pillow from my hands. I did not care, I started throwing different things I could see in the room at all the guys. Shoes, more pillows, pens, and other things I saw on the bedside table.

"What the hell is going on?! What are you guys doing in my room?!" I shouted.

"Excuse me?? What are you talking about?". The guy beside me asked. He was standing this time, he looked perplexed.

"Are you deaf? What are you doing in my house??". I asked with so much anger.

"Take a look around ma'am, does this look like your home?". One of 2 guys asked.

I gave him a hard look, "Excuse me?"

"He said to take a look around! Does this look like your place??" The confused guy reiterated and I obeyed him instantly.

What the hell is going on here?

Why is this place different?

Where the hell am I?

I quickly gasped "You kidnapped me?? Who sent you?!!!" I shouted as I shook in fear. They looked at themselves, extremely bewildered.

"Jason, she probably forgot that she followed you to your bed" The other of the 2 guys teased and they both giggled.

"Excuse me???" I said, I felt extremely insulted.

"Guys, stop that" Jason warned. Then he turned to me, "Listen, do you remember coming into a bar last night?"

I nodded, "Yes, it was raining heavily"

"Good, I was the bartender that attended to you. You came into the bar and got drunk in tequila. You were unable to go home due to your condition so I helped you into this room. I wanted to leave but you did not want me to. You forced me to lie beside you. I waited for you to sleep so I would leave but apparently, I dozed off in the process and woke up to you banging my head with my pillow"

Shit.

"That can't be true," I said, trying to conceal my shame as I got up from the bed.

Tequila had done it again. I found myself in a stranger's bed.

"Well, maybe you should work on your drinking problem" Jason muttered.

"Excuse me?" I said, looking at him.

"I am a bartender, I know alcoholics, I know when they try to hide it too, and you ma'am, are an alcoholic. You downed 10 shots of tequila without taking breaks in my very eyes. Work on your drinking problem so you don't find yourself in this situation and blame people wrongly. All I did was try to help. I would have left you outside the bar if I knew this was the appreciation I was going to get " He said staring at me with disdain.

I looked at him, hiding my humiliation. I looked at the other guys, I couldn't depict what they thought of me from their eyes but I knew they felt insulted. I wanted to apologize, but I stopped myself from doing so.

Suddenly, it felt like I was in Brian's place all over again as I stood there, all eyes on me. I felt my eyes welling up, I quickly picked up my shoes and walked out without saying a word.

"Your things are on the counter!" The one that sounded like Brian shouted. I felt the tears pouring down my cheeks as I grabbed my keys and my phone and ran towards my car.

***

I banged on the steering wheel, screaming for my life.

What is wrong with you?

Has it gotten to this level??

What is wrong with you Jenny?????

I sighed as I recalled what he said in my head, you are an alcoholic.

Yes, that was what made me sane. I was alone, with no one around me which was my fault, and that drove me crazy all the time.

I had no one to turn to except alcohol.

I knew how pathetic my story was but it is what it is.

I sighed again and turned on the car's engine when I received a call. I was shocked when I saw the caller ID.

Mum.

I had mixed feelings. Mixed feelings because I didn't usually expect her calls and also because I was so happy she had the right timing. My mum was working in the States so returning was always a very difficult thing to do. She started working abroad a few years back but never returned. I got used to it though; she tried so hard to be there for me virtually but it was different from being there in person.

She was supposed to return for my wedding but due to obvious reasons, she did not come. She did not return when he died, neither did she attend the burial but she always called.

Regardless of her absence, she always tried to be there for me, which I appreciated.

"Hey mummy" I tried so hard to sound excited but I failed.

"Christ, you look a mess! What have you been doing Jen?? Are you okay??" She sounded so concerned.

I should have checked myself before picking up. I thought to myself as I looked in the rearview mirror. My hair was all over the place, my face looked ashy, and I could see tear stains. I did look like a mess.

"I'm fine mum, I had too much fun last night that's why"

You can lie better than this Jennifer.

"You had too much fun with who? Anna?"

I froze, and the seat suddenly felt uncomfortable. I didn't tell her about all that happened after Brian's death, she didn't need to know all that.

"No mum, a few friends at work." I replied, clearing my throat.

She gave me a suspicious look, "Are you hiding something from me, baby?"

"No mum, I'm okay," I said, forcing a smile.

"I understand what you're going through my love, I went through the same after losing your dad. It is going to be fine, okay?"

I nodded, clearing my throat and forcing back the tears that were slowly coming.

"I miss you so much mummy" I meant it, she was the only one I had and I needed her beside me.

"I miss you too my baby. I'll be there soon okay?"

Oh please.

"You keep saying this, you've been saying this for 7 years," I said angrily.

"I mean it, sweetheart"

"No, you don't, if you did, you would be here, right now "

"I understand how you feel, I do," She said calmly then looked over her phone. "Sweetheart, I'll call you some other time okay? Take it easy. Love you, bye"

And the call ended.

I threw my phone on the passenger's seat angrily.

I could not stop thinking of what went down at that bar a few moments ago. I felt so humiliated and mortified. Although I couldn't recall how I found myself on that bed, I recalled downing almost the entire bottle of that tequila, but that was it. I started feeling so bad because I didn't thank them for what they did, I didn't thank them for hosting me at least.

I sighed.

Should I go back in?

No no, I've taken too much embarrassment for a day and it isn't even 10 am.

10 am.

I picked up my phone and checked my messages.

I remembered receiving a message from British Airways last night. I opened the message and it read -

We humbly invite you, a family/friend of the deceased for a meeting in remembrance of the lives lost 2 years ago

We are infinitely sorry for all the lives lost

Kindly indicate if you will be able to make it.

"These people are unfortunate, they keep adding salt to the injury with these meetings they do every year to commemorate the lives lost that day. It is ridiculous" I said because I was extremely annoyed.

"What is there to talk about? What exactly? ". I continued," This will not bring any of them back so what is the point?"

I looked at my phone again, it was stated that the meeting was going to be at noon.

I had never been to any of the meetings since they began, and I did not see the point of them. Anna attended the first one with her mum which was held after the tragic accident. She mentioned how emotional and uncomfortable it was. Everyone was sobbing and that wasn't a good sight. The only thing good about these meetings was the "packages" given to everyone that attended.

Although I didn't see the significance of attending the meetings, I still felt guilty for not attending. So I responded to the text message, indicating that I was going to be there.

Going for that dinner was a disaster, so this should be a good chance to amend my bad deeds.

I thought to myself. I started driving home, dreading seeing Brian's family, especially Anna at that meeting.