Fated with You

It is sometimes difficult for you to know that you tried to do everything for the person next to you and at the same time to realize that you could have done more. What do I mean? To everything. You will soon find out the whole story that brought me to the brink of insanity, now being forced to take a lot of pills that I can remember.

I turn off my phone alarm, which seems to be ringing for an eternity, and I start to stand up. I take a short shower, then I start to dress respectably for my first day at the university. After I finish my hair, I go down to the kitchen where I find my mother quickly gathering some things that she thinks I need in the bedroom. I told him that I had prepared everything but, of course, no one messes with my mother.

-Are you ready? says mother, taking her bag on her shoulder.

- I'm ready, mom. Let's go once. I don't want you to be late. I say rolling my eyes.

We leave the house and I see Sam waiting by the car. Sam is my boyfriend with whom I have been in a relationship for two years and I can say that I am proud of the way our relationship is going.

- Are you ready? Have you taken everything? anyway, if you've forgotten something, I can come and get it for you, can't I, Kate?

What is it with these people and their "forgetfulness"? I smile at Sam in response and get into the car. I have to remember that Sam is not at all happy about the fact that I chose to go to a different college than the one I he suggested it to me and only found out about it at the last moment. But that's it. I wanted to do something on my own without them guiding me. That's exactly why I chose a college based on my likes and not those around me like my mother or Sam. I can't wait to get rid of them. No you're misunderstanding me. I love Sam but I feel like he wants to rule my life and I don't like that.

It's still dark outside and that calms me down. It's four in the morning. This means that I will be on the plane and only then will I be able to breathe easy. Goodbye Canada, welcome to California. Yes...California. So I am sure that my mother will not reach me quickly and that makes me smile knowing that I will have my own life, my own rules.

- I see you're smiling... What's the reason? Sam says after starting the car.

- Nothing... just the idea that I'm starting college. I feel like I've fulfilled another dream of mine.

-And what college....You could have chosen any other college near here and it was better..Mother says a little sharply.

- We talked about this before, mother.

- I know. And I promised that we won't open the discussion again but... Think about Sam... Won't he worry about you? If something happens to you and we're not there to help you?

- He has nothing to worry about. I'm going to study, not to make a fool of myself. I'll make sure nothing happens to me. I'll talk to him daily on the phone so he doesn't have reason to worry, and if he misses me, he can take time off work and come to California. I say and see Sam frowning at my sharp tone.

He never took time off, not even on my birthday. But I understood him so I am not angry or disappointed with him.

- I know it can, but...

-Is OK. Sam said cutting off her mother.

I look at him while he looks at me from time to time and I thank him with my looks that he is with me. He was with me all the time. When my father left us, he was the only one who took care of me and he helped us get back on our feet. Maybe that's where he likes to get into my life and make the choices for me.

I put my head on the window and try to sleep at least a little. The flight will also be quite long and I wouldn't want to be exhausted from my first day. Sam puts his hand on my leg going up to my thigh and squeezes gently. I smile at him shyly and I'm sorry that I had to take this step to make him realize that I really care about him, just that he doesn't have to control my life. I hope nothing changes between us.

-Kate, wake up. I arrived at the airport. I hear Sam's voice next to my ear and I open my eyes slowly.

He caresses my face in the most romantic way and I already feel that my stomach is going to explode from so many butterflies. If only he knew that I want him to be braver... If only he knew that I don't like him treating me like I'm made of eggs... I rest my head harder in his palm before he can take it and I close my eyes. I will miss him, his perfume, his caress...

- We should get out of the car... That is if you haven't changed your mind about your departure. He says, smiling tenderly at me, but I can still see a trace of regret in his eyes.

- Let's go... I say unbuckling my seat belt and then the door.

He gets down after me and goes to the trunk to take out my luggage. My mother approaches me and I see her serious. Why won't I like to ask her what the problem is?

-Say, mother. Don't sit next to me like that. I know you have something to tell me.

I sigh.

- You and Sam... you did... you know what?

- Please? No! I mean, what interests you about this?

Of all the questions, this is exactly what he thought of?

- Very good...I'm interested because I know what a man is like. Once he has you and gets fed up, he'll throw you away. Sam is a good man, but he's still a man.

-Go? Sam says coming to us and saving me from my mother's questioning.

-Sure. I say smiling and we walk towards the airport entrance.

Sam leaves my luggage in the luggage area, and my mother goes to discuss something with the ticket girl. I feel somewhat insecure now that my mother told me this, but I don't know how to interpret it. If she had a discussion with Sam and told him not to touch me until the wedding? Sam never asked me for that. Or maybe he just doesn't find me attractive enough for this kind of thing? I feel Sam's hands around my waist and I get rid of all the negative thoughts.

- I'm going to miss you enormously, Kate. He says, and I see emotion in his eyes. I'm sorry that I didn't give you enough attention. I didn't want to hurt you with this.

- It's okay, Sam. Everything will be fine between us. We'll do the things we've always wanted to do together. You can visit me every weekend, if you have time. No I'm angry with you. I understand you. You're fighting for your future.

-Kate...?

-Yes.

-Can I kiss you? He says and I notice the desire in his eyes.

If he can kiss me? My stomach tightens and my legs turn to gelatin.

-Yes.

I can barely finish saying that his lips are crushing mine in a kiss as if torn from romantic movies. We didn't really kiss on the lips because it seemed intimate, plus, my mother's ideas, but now to hell with all her lectures. I would have wanted to kiss more often if I had known that Sam wanted to kiss me.

-What have I lost? My mother says briskly, and Sam pulls away from me, leaving me gasping for breath.

- Nothing. I lie, and I look at Sam who refrains from laughing.

- You have to be on board in 30 minutes, dear. We're leaving. Take care. Call me when you've settled in. Says my mother and gives me a short hug.

- Sure, mom. Bye.

I take another look at Sam and see him standing with his hands in his pockets looking at me until I move out of their visual range. I didn't expect that...Goodbye Canada...California, wait for me when I come.

When I leave the airport, I take the first taxi I see and give him the address of the hostel where I will be staying. I can't believe that I am on my own from now on. I stick my eyes to the window and look at the view outside. Tall buildings, people in a hurry on the pedestrian crossing, in a suit or in home clothes and I can hardly help but type of happiness.

- I have arrived, madam. The driver distracts me and I get out of the car, taking all my luggage.

I put one on my shoulder, and I'll pull the other one behind me. I give the driver the payment and head towards the entrance to the dormitory. A lot of students seem to have come only today. Others seem hungover, after the last holiday party, and others seem happy to have started the year.

I pass by everyone without attracting anyone's attention and head towards the room. Room 88... I go up two floors and look at each room number. 88, here. I enter without knocking on the door and am surprised to see a blonde girl , bare chested and with a short t-shirt... Rather a top, in hand, as if she wanted to get dressed.

- Sorry, I didn't want to come in like that. I thought no one was there. I say closing the door behind me so that no one can see her.

I put my luggage on the floor and turn to her, seeing that she is already dressed.

- It's no problem. I'm the one who had to close the door. Selena. She says and extends her hand towards me.

I notice that she has a perfect shiny red manicure. This girl looks good. I pale next to her.

-Katherine. But you can call me Kate. I say and shake her hand.

-Freshman? He says walking towards the mirror and starting to put on his make-up.

Why? It already looks good....

-Yes, you? I say looking for work with my luggage.

- Year II. Economics. What are you studying?

- Business.

I pull my luggage closer to my bed and open them. I see her analyzing my luggage but she doesn't say anything, returning to her make-up. I think my clothes will seem tasteless to her, next to what she's wearing.

-I was told that I would have a roommate, but I didn't expect her to be so nice. Anyway, I will be away more, so...

- I also knew that I would have a roommate and I couldn't wait to meet you. If you will be away more, I will study quietly.

She gives me a perfect smile and I look at the clock. It's almost 9. I should go to college.

- Are you ready? We have to go to classes.

I nod my head and we leave the room together talking about nothing just to get to know each other better. It's nice to talk to her. I'm glad I have a roommate for work and not one to stress me out. I'm starting to adore her. Until at the secretariat, I take my phone out of my pocket to send Sam and my mother a message that I'm in class, and Selena is waiting for me in the hallway to show me my classroom.

After 10 minutes in which I took everything I needed from the secretariat, including the room key, I follow Selena to a door that says First Year. I say goodbye to her and we plan to see each other during the break .I enter the class and sit on the only empty seat, next to a blond boy with a cute face.

- Hey...Karl. Say and shake hands with me.

-Kate. They look good to me.

The teacher enters the class and I already say with my hand on my heart that I love the faculty. I am not brought out in front of the class to talk about myself things that do not make any sense. The two hours of class pass and during the break I go out into the hall walking in hope that I'm going to see Selena, but instead I bump into someone and a lot of papers fall on the floor.

- I'm sorry. I didn't look where I was going. I say and bend down to help the man collect his papers.

- It's no problem. It's my fault too. I was captured by a beauty...

-Here you go?

- Nothing. It's my fault too.

We manage to collect all the papers and I also give them the ones I collected. He smiles at me charmingly and for a moment it seems as if time stands still but I hear Selena's voice and I turn my back to the mysterious man.

- I looked for you in class, but you weren't there. What are you doing?

- Well, I helped the man... I turn around and don't see anyone behind me. I was looking for you. I say to Selena.

- Very nice. Now that you've found each other, do you want to get to know us? Says the brunette guy next to her, and it seems a little awkward to me.

-She is Kate, and she is my roommate. He is Roger, and she is Maria.

I greet each of them separately and immediately I see the guy in the class, Karl, as it were. All 5 of us are sitting in the hallway and we don't realize that the classes are starting until the hall is free.

-See you later. I say to my new friends and I go with Karl to the classroom, listening to him swearing about the fact that he shouldn't have left the class, now being late.

Karl is a workaholic and I can hardly help but laugh when he knocks on the classroom door cursing. We are welcomed to class and I don't notice who the teacher is until I sit down on the bench. The mysterious man... I just hope I didn't blush too loud because of the embarrassment I feel. While he's teaching, he looks at me a few times and I swear I've seen so many times that he refrains from laughing. I look at the rest of my colleagues, but no one seems to make any gesture which makes me think that maybe it just seems to me.

The class ends very quickly and I look at the clock. How the hell have two hours already passed? I didn't even realize it...; Maybe because I kept my eyes on the teacher the whole time, instead of doing anything else.. .How about following what it says in the book.

All my classmates go out into the hall, and I decide to go out with Karl, but I'm stopped.

- I want to talk to you, miss. Says the professor in a tone that does not betray anything.

Did he see that I was staring at him? Jesus... How can I be so embarrassing? I motion for Karl to go ahead and it's just the two of us.

- Yes, sir.

- Next time be careful where you look. He says and leaves the class leaving me with my mouth on the floor.

Karl and the rest of the group of friends enter the class, seeing that I'm not leaving, but I'm trying to figure out what happened.

- Are you okay? I saw the professor leaving here very affected. Karl says while Selena pats my back.

- The teacher is a pig.

Everyone starts laughing and I join them, being more devastated than I've ever been.

-What happened? Says Selena, stopping from laughing.

- Well, last break when I was looking for you, I ran into him by mistake. I apologized then, and he said that everything is fine. Now he tells me "Next time be careful where you look". I say trying to imitate him and everyone laughs again.

Of course, I omitted the part where he suggested that I was beautiful. I don't want to be the star of the college for nothing.

-Leaving all this drama aside... Are you coming to the party tonight? Roger says, looking sometimes at me and sometimes at Karl.

- I can't. I have to learn. I say quickly.

-Me too. Karl added, and Maria rolled her eyes while chewing gum.

Who has a party during the week? That's absurd. Plus I'm not a big fan of parties.

- You will be able to learn another day. Tonight is for you, freshmen. Please, Kate... I don't want to go alone. Selena takes pity on me.

I sight and I know I will regret this, but... It's my new life. Let me do it the way I want.

- Good. But only until 11 at the latest.

-I promise. Say the happy chitchat too. Come on and you, Karl. That way she'll have company too in case I mess up over there.

The thought of her messing around at parties makes me want to change my mind, but still...I want to see why student parties are so popular.

Arriving in the room, I fall on the bed and wonder if I might change my mind about the party, but now that I've called Karl too... I don't want to confuse anyone. I'll go. What can it happen? I take advantage of the fact that Selena still has classes and call Sam. It was quite strange today not to hear anything from him. I have to get used to the idea that we are far from each other.

He answered after a few ring tones when I was ready to give up and end the call.

-"Kate, are you okay? Have you finished your classes now?" He says and I realize that he is happy that I called him...?

He has never answered me so cheerfully before.

- Now I'm done and thought I'd call you. What are you doing?

-"I missed you, Kate. I miss you even now that I'm talking to you on the phone. I want to come to your place at the weekend."

-Come on...Sam?

-"Yes."

-I was invited to a freshman party tonight and I accepted.

-"Ok... Just be careful. I don't know how people are there."

- I'm going with some friends.

-"Have you made friends yet?"

-Yes. Everyone is very nice to me.

An oppressive silence follows in which no one says anything and I feel like I'm going to suffocate because of his silence.

-"Kate? Are we okay?"

- Yes. Why wouldn't we be?!

-"I don't know...You went far away from me...Do you still want me with you?"

-Always.

I hear him sigh with relief as if he had been holding his breath until now, and Selena enters the room, accompanied by Roger.

- Hello, Kate.

-Hey. Sam, my roommate and a friend came over. Talk to you later, okay?

-"Take care, Kate." He says and I feel a trace of insecurity in his voice, but I end the call.

-Your boyfriend? Selena says curiously while changing her clothes with Roger.

It's really not pudgy at all.

- Yes. You weren't in the room, so I said I'd call him. Didn't you have classes? I say trying to change the subject.

- Yes, but I left faster. I have to get ready for the party.

I look at the clock and it's only 5. How long does it take to get ready? As if reading my thoughts, he answers me.

- I came to prepare you too.

-There is no need to...

- How can you not... You are my friend and I want you to make a sensation tonight.

-Anyway, I won't stay long, so it's not worth the trouble.

-No matter how long you stay, I want everyone to keep an eye on you.

Damn it.. I don't want to. But I don't want to spoil her good mood either. I would feel guilty.

- Good. But don't get too tired.

-Shut up and I'll do magic.

jesus...

An hour later, I was looking for all my outfits in my unpacked luggage and Selena still didn't like any of the outfits.

- Maybe you should still borrow something from me... She says very seriously.

I roll my eyes and Roger smiles. The fact that Selena has "less clothes" makes me feel terrified. If my mother saw me in Selena's clothes, she would probably lock me in the basement for the rest of my life. I want to a change for me, but I consider it too early to take such a step.

- I think I can come with this dress. I say and pick up a sleeveless white dress with lace embroidery from the bed.

I received the dress as a gift from Sam but I have never worn it. It reveals my legs too much and I don't know what was in Sam's mind when he bought it.

Roger compliments the dress and Selena sighs in defeat.

-Okay, either. What shoes do you take with her?

Shoes? Ballerinas don't wear them?

-Can I...

- I'll give you shoes. I have a pair of silver ones and they would go well with the dress. Now, let's make you sexy. I say and he pushes me towards the bed.

I sit on the edge of her bed and she starts working with my hair like a real hairstylist. Sexy? I'm not just sexy anyway. She's sexy. I'm...pretty. She finishes with my hair and then starts doing my makeup, and I can tell that I gave her a headache by constantly telling her not to overdo it with makeup.

We talk about my relationship with Sam and what I've been through, and he's always been there for me, about my choice to leave him. They found out that we've been together for two years but we've barely kissed three times and I have never made love.

- You are ready. She says smiling proudly.

I already have emotions...

- Can I look in the mirror?

-Sure, but after you get dressed. Roger, go out into the hallway.

Roger doesn't show any emotion so I don't know what I look like. Do I look like a clown? He goes out into the hall and I put on a dress that reaches to the middle of my thighs. Oh, Sam... He knew I don't wear dresses like that... Are you sure he got it for me?

Selena puts me in front of the mirror and I'm out of breath. Am I that? It seems like it's me, just like the reflection in the mirror, it has a...sexy air.

- Do you like it? Says Selena, but I can't articulate anything.

-Enormous...

Roger enters the room again and smiles broadly, taking my hand and I do a pirouetting.

- You are perfect. He says and I laugh.

Selena comes to me with the shoes and usually I would refuse at first sight of them, but this time I accept because she made me look so good.

While I'm getting used to the shoes, Selena is also getting ready at a speed that I wouldn't be able to do. I look at her and I can't help but be jealous of the way she looks. I think Sam likes her girls. Sometimes I wonder why he stays with me when he can have any girl. But what if he cheats on me? I mean, I have nothing against him looking for carnal pleasure elsewhere, but maybe I would like to know. Would I like to know?

- Are we going? Says Selena, and I leave my dark thoughts aside, and Roger puts his phone in his pocket.

I look at the clock and see that it is already 9 in the evening. How did the time pass so quickly? We get up from the bed and leave the room. I just hope I don't draw attention. I don't like it.

- Why didn't you have sex with your boyfriend? Says Selena and I blush because Roger is also there.

They don't seem to be paying attention to us, but I still don't feel comfortable.

- I don't know...I never reached that point.

He doesn't need to know that I have a problem with touching because of my father, who day after day did not stop abusing me and making known his dirty thoughts that he had.

-Never? In two years? Are you still a virgin?

I almost stop myself when I hear her talking without a curtain and I blush harder, nodding my head.

-Wow...And how can he resist knowing you are near him but not touching you?

- I don't know. He is more caring.

-Of course he wants you very much, but he lets you take the first step.

Is that how it should be? He knows what I've been through and accepts that it's hard for me. I have to talk to him about it.