FALLEN

[Prepare you tissues darlings, you might need it]

...

"How does it feels like to burn, not in fire, but in hot dripping larva...

How does it feels like to be lost, with not a single sense of direction...

How does it feels like to want to tear your heart out, and rid of yourself of every single shit called emotions and feelings...

How does it feels like to be lifeless and feel at peace like that is what you always wanted

Not to go deep, What is the even the definition of peace?

What is love?

And what is happiness?...

I don't know all this things, and to say I have ever even felt it was when I was a kid, you know innocent and all naïve, but now?, now it is something forbidden, and rather replaced with the feeling of been buried in a water, the feeling of drowning, suffocating, dying, even though you are living

I knew it all too well...

A feeling that tore me apart, broke me into pieces, and made sure there was not any single remains left

A feeling that no fucking amount of shitty "Sorry" could ever heal, a feeling worst than any kind of pain, you name it: Gunshot, stabbing...This feeling like a wolf was the "Ultima", and it was this same poisonous feeling that got mixed into my blood, and turned the remaining part of me into a living dead, a demon, anything that was bad and wrong, you name it, and made emotions become nothing to me

The demons in me made love become something so far away, something that couldn't be found in my dictionary, something so unreal that the word "Love" looks like nothing but a lie...well it was, there was no fucking thing called love

[Sad huh?, I told you to prepare your tissues]

But this demons in me weren't satisfied yet, Nah...

This depressing self hating feeling broke me beyond repair that anyone, any freaking body in my shoes would chose to just end this ever lasting loop of suffering, and die at last....anyone but me even though I felt like I was living on hell.

Yes, at first I concluded that something was wrong with my logic for still choosing to stay alive in other not to please the shit of people that had hurt me: The bullies, the ex, every fucking one who had broke me, but now?, now I guess the reason I was still alive and wasn't dead was because of....HIM, the one that finally crossed path with a broken mess like me

LUCAS

....

My mama always told me when she was alive that life a'int roses and we gonna have to work our ass off to have a happy life, and I guess I was going to find out after being transferred all the way here from Britain

"CRESTWOOD HEIGHTS ACADEMY"

Being one of the top universities in the world, it obviously felt like a dream when I got a scholarship here, and in my third year...sorry let's rephrase

It felt like heaven for a very light skin tone, red-haired British freak to get a scholarship at an America University that has always been on the news, so heck yeah, my feet are shaking, and I know I would obviously screw up if I don't behave myself, even though it feels so impossible to do that when my heart is literally bursting with so much...

"Promise me that you are not going to ruin our image..."

When I reach the climax of my excitement, my father's words pops back into my head, and shakes off a little bit of my somewhat "Sugar rush joy"

You can't screw up!, You can't screw up!

I repeat to myself like a mantra as I slapped my cheeks gently, and held firmly unto my luggages again.

Not to be rude, I would give a brief intro...

My name is Lucas Walker, and yeah I might literally break the promise I made to my father if I don't keep a low profile, and keep my cool now that I was in a foreign soil, but I don't still want him to murder me, so I tried to put it together and take another step forward, but when a flyer from nowhere of a hot muscular model landed in my front, I couldn't help but to salivate like a idiot pervert,(even though am not though), as it takes me back to memory lane, and how I realized more like I figured out and finally accepted that I was gay, when Ares, who was one of my mates, just had to kiss me to comfort me, like the perfect tutor he was, when I failed math back in high school.

Thinking back to it, to was somewhat like a bitter sweet moment, cause my family, that I mean my father and I, moved away after that kiss, it wasn't intentional though, but I never got to see Ares again, and it remained something I don't think would ever get out of my memory, cause not only was he my first ever kiss, but he was also the one that made me accepted my sexuality, and realized that girls were definitely not for me, but sadly, I chose to keep it a fucking secret from my strict father and from everyone else after I came out in a new high school to the damn homophobic people who literally felt disgusted by it, and yeah I was mad, I was really mad, because no one understood me, and that it was okay to love anyone, cause love is love, but I still chose to never come out to anyone ever again, cause I liked my peace of mind, (Thank you!), and I....

"Am so sorry..."

A girl, blue eyes, normal plain skin tone like every normal America person hits me, and made me let go of my favorite bags that I was carrying, but I don't get mad at her, cause am in, you know, "Keep a low profile" mode, so I picked it up from the ground quickly before she could, and looked at her, only to see the weird look she had on her face, that I couldn't quite pinpoint why exactly she wore it.

Maybe it was because of your features and the way you look

A voice in my head tells me, and I kinda agree with it, cause I know I look strange, and is considered an alien everywhere I go, because of my skin tone that almost resembles that of an albino, and reddish hair color, so it was no new thing if she was disgusted by me already.

I thought to myself, but when I looked at her again, and realized her look was something like admiration, I decided to clear my throat, so that she would quit looking at me that way, cause I didn't wanted her to be into me, and get her hopes up, well hell no, I don't like girls, and luckily it worked, cause immediately I cleared my throat, she looked away from me and her face immediately turned red with embarrassment, but I don't care about that, hell no...

Instead, I who had figured out that this was a chance to ask her where on earth I was exactly, and where was the way that lead to the boys dorm, did, and she immediately pointed at the direction me, before quickly running away with her feminine figure that was still embarrassed with herself, but I just waved it off, and went straight to the one that was on charge of the boys dorm.

He is middle age, got wrinkles definitely on his face, but his eyes was something that was cheerful, so I feel at ease a little, and explained my trauma, when I mean trauma, I meant that I told him I needed a room to stay in, since the scholarship didn't automatically gave me one, and at first, I thought that he would literally tell me to buzz off, and it was my problem, cause it wouldn't be surprising to tell me that all the rooms were occupied, cause it was the third year, and the middle of the semester, but shockingly, he said the exact opposite

"Here is another key, it is a shared room so I hope you are comfortable with having to live with a roommate"

He tells me, and I kinda hesitated a bit cause I was shocked, but I immediately snapped myself out of it, and took the key from his hand, cause I had no fucking problem with having a roommate that I could talk to, a roommate that something spicy could even happy between us, so yes forget the fact that it was weird for there to be a vacated spot, cause it was like a sexy perverted dream come true

"Are you still with me?"

He asked me with an arched eyebrow, and it immediately made me snap out of my perverted thought and look immediately back at him with a wide smile on my face

"Thank you"

I finally spoke out, and gave him a wider cheerful smile, but before I could leave, my curious unmannered eyes glanced at the computer that was placed side ways, it wasn't intentional, but I did, and I realized that the only room that wasn't completely occupied, that I was moving in, was literally in the first block, and anyone suppose to have moved in by now, and I really couldn't hold back, so I looked at him, and blurted out, before the thought killed me

"Can I ask how come it hasn't been completely occupied yet, since it's the first room on the block"

I looked at the bright eyes man right in the eyes and asked him with one of my eyebrows lifted up, it was a completely innocent question that I wanted to know the answer to, but immediately he heard me, he shut down the computer, and looked at me with a displeased look on his face, his cheerful look was gone, I murdered it

"First of all, you have to learn to keep your nose in what isn't your concern"

He lectured me as he referred to his computer, and it made me feel like I have just broken one of the rules of keeping a low profile, and I feel angry with myself for that, but I don't let my angry feeling sell me off, rather I keep my frustration all to myself, and looked at him as he parted his lips again

"You should be happy you got a bed space to stay in"

He lectured me again, and finally all the hint of ever being cheerful on his face is gone because of me, so I feel more worst, and wished I could apologize, but my tongue is tied up cause am not good with words, so in the end, all I could do was nod my head, and turned around to escape his lectures that kept on making him more angry, but immediately I as much took two freaking step forward, his voice stops me, and makes my heart fly into my mouth

"You might not listen tome, but I would still tell you either way: Try not to piss your roommate the way you pissed me off, or else..."

He stops himself, and it made me immediately turn around to him

"Or else what?, What exactly do you mean?"

I blurted out all at once cause I couldn't help it, his words made my heart race, made me scared, but this freaking housemaster just shrugged my panic mode aside as if he wasn't literally the cause of it

"Just stay on your lane, and mind you business"

He tells me after staying fucking mute for what felt like a million years, and walked away to do some other cramp, before I could speak, and it made me so damn frustrated that I immediately googled out "How to act polite", as I left him and walked up to the room, but my damn phone crashed and switched off, because I forgot to charge it, and left me alone with the luggage in my hand in front of the damn door to god knows what kind of person was inside

"Ain't I screwed already?"

I mumbled to myself as I swallowed hard, and kept on swearing at the freaking housemaster for telling me stupid shits

ELIAS

....

Third stupid year started some weeks ago, and men! I feel on top of the world, cause not only would I be out of the fucking hellhole soon, but also because of the fact that am all alone, just like how I like it.

Alone?

Why on earth would anyone like to be alone?

To give a brief flashback, let me take you back to my pathetic damn sad story.

First year: I was bullied like a complete dickhead, that nothing good I do made anyone happy, they didn't even fucking cared that I was a living human, but that wasn't the climax, hell no!. The climax was my father, the only family I had left, dying and leaving me behind all alone, but life, fucking life finally became absolutely shitty and pointless when I found out that the fucking one I dated, only dated me so that he could learn all my secrets and sell me off to the freaking bullies, that was the finally draw...

It made me cut myself away from the world, and vow to never tolerate any shit from anyone ever again. Fast forward to the present and a brief introduction, I am Elias, the mysterious heartless dangerous guy that's immune to any emotion apart from anger and violence, and the mad depressed guy who cuts himself when he feels worthless, blah blah blah...

In conclusion, I am no prince charming, especially when I fought like a mad man with my roommate and his damn friend, after they decided to bring alcohol into the room.

One ended up dying because he was a fucking drunkard, while the other damn one ran away like a stupid loser, and accused me of being the murderer (How wonderful), and trust me, I was kinda grateful for it, cause I would actually be put behind bars, like what I freaking wanted, cause I wanted to leave this hellhole university cause I have no damn interest in graduating, but no, the damn housemaster just had to defend me like an angel, and refuse to let me go, my inner demons tells me he did that out of pity, but I want no fucking person's pity.

Anyway and on the bright side, even though the fucking housemaster defended me, save my ass, and made the case die down, still every useless beings still gossip about me, and stay far away from me, and so far so good, it has given me peace, but this peace of mind didn't lasted long than I expected, cause today, the damn door in a long time barged open, and a damn pathetic human walked in....

"What the fuck!.."

....

LUCAS

....

"It's now or never"

I whispered inwardly to myself, slipped my useless dead phone into my pant's pocket, as I took one last deep breath, and knocked on the door with my racing heart, but when no one replied and it remained dead silent, I decided to open the door, but immediately I as much took a step inside, I saw....him, a guy, he was staring at the outside window, and his back was facing me, so I couldn't see his face, but all I knew was that he had this tall somewhat...sexy figure, he was taller than me, that's for sure, and it immediately got my damn perverted mind thinking, but I immediately snapped myself out of it, and decided to act normal

"H...hi"

Damnit, I stammered!

I swore at my stupid self, and placed my palm on the back of my head nervously, in hope he would let my stammering word slide, and finally bring himself out of whatever he was thinking, and look at me, but he didn't even move a muscle, and it made my heart race, cause it didn't look normal to still stay still, and...and...

"Was he even alive?"

A damn thought popped into my head, and made my heart race faster, so I dropped the bags I was holding on my other hand, and decided to walk up to him.

"Hello, your new roommate is here..."

I spoke out as I moved more step closer, even though men!, it was a completely cheesy thing to say, but...but he still didn't reply, and it made me increase my footsteps to meet him, until I saw close enough, but before I could as much finally place my hand on his shoulder, and touch him, he turns around at last, but immediately he does so, he slaps my head as if I was some kind of virus

"Don't you even dare"

He mumbled a deadly comeback as he looked away, shifted away from me, and gave us distance, and it kinda made the fear and nervousness I had, replaced with this dumbfounded expression, cause I literally didn't understand what was happening, and what kind of fucking roommate behaves so coldly to his new roommate on the first day, and it made me so angry, but I still wanted to let out my frustration in a calm manner, cause of what the housemaster had told me, but before I could, I heard him mumble something out to himself, but it was loud enough for me to hear

"What gave the fucking old man the right to bring some dickhead in here?..."

He mumbled, and squeezed his face, I was the dickhead he was referring to, the dickhead who was so dumbfounded

What on earth is literally happening right now!

The frustrated side of me took over, and made my lips finally parted out angrily

"Excuse me, but..."

I looked at the side of his face I could see, and tried to speak, to ask him that wasn't it too cold to insult me, a stranger he had never seen before, right in my face, but hell no, this Mr. cold guy cuts my words off again like a sharp knife

"If you don't want this to be your worst last two years here, you need to leave"

It wasn't a plea, it was a fucking goddamn threat!

He arched one of his eyebrows up, and finally looked at my face, and gives me this kind of somewhat deadly glare, but I don't feel too frightened, instead all I see behind the façade of coldness is something dying, something partly alive, as if he was into drugs or something, but it was definitely something so wrong

"Was he even alright?"

The thought flashed into my head, but I didn't wanted to show it, hell no, cause it felt like pity would be the last thing he wanted from me, so I mentally slapped myself, and parted my lips again

"But I have already moved in, and I've..."

But before I could complete this sentence as well, he moves closer to me, and pierced his dark ocean eyes deep into mine. He was fucking glaring at me, trying to peak into my soul, to crush it maybe, and it was working, men it was so damn scary, and literally made my heart jump into my mouth, but I hated it, I hated this control, power...

Damn this shit!

I screamed inwardly to myself and tried to back away from him, but I miss my footstep, and land on my butt on the hard floor, but the worst part?, the worst part was this blue eyes heartless guy didn't even help me up like they do in movies, but rather scoffed out, and placed his hands on his baggy jeans pocket as he looked at me all the way down

"I don't think your damn head understand that this room is condemned, cursed, haunted, cause the person that was here..."

He stops his sentence, and I bet he fucking did that intentionally to make me more scared, and damn it worked!, it worked so well, and made me immediately parted my lips

"What ha...happened to the person!"

I looked at him all the way up like a lost baby, and stammered out even though I didn't fucking wanted to, and to be honest, I thought I saw a wicked little smile creep up on his lips, but it immediately vanished away, so I guess I was seeing things, and...

"He died like a loser..."

His husky low voice cut me off heartlessly as he hit my leg intentionally, and walked away from my front, and I guess it was because he didn't wanted to look at my miserable face, but still, my lips that didn't care if he was that wicked, blurted out a loud "WHAT??", and immediately I yelled out, I heard his voice, he scoffed out, and I bet he was enjoying every bit of it, and it made me freaking hate the fact that I was such a damn scared baby, but what could I do when every of his words sounded like poison to me

"Oh, so the old man didn't tell you?"

I heard his low voice again, he asked me, and scoffed out even louder a frustrated mocking one

"Scared, aren't you?"

I heard his voice, and defend to myself, but my tongue is tied again

"If you don't want to die, then leave"

But when I heard him mention death, I lose it, and snapped at last

"Stop freaking saying death, it freaks me out"

I gather the little courage I had in me, and yell out as soon as I got up from the floor to my feet, but he turned around, glanced at my pathetic self with the same blank cold expression on his face, before walking out of the room, and leaving me with my shaky breathing. I was literally hyperventilating, and that was when I finally realized I had walked into the valley of death!

Was he a demon?, I don't think so...

HE WAS THE DEVIL HIMSELF!