Embrace the dark

Lillian, Age 8

Gloomy... that was how I would describe the orphanage. For the three years I was there, lots had come and gone before me.

Ms. Margaret said that I was special, that I was still waiting for the special parents to arrive.

I was five years old when my father left me on the porch of the orphanage. His last words were that he was going to buy some bread. He told me to stay there so that I could rest my feet. He left me with my favorite teddy and backpack. He hugged me and told me to knock on the door when I get tired and he had not yet returned.

Well, he never did return and I had been at the orphanage because I was abandoned by my father. My mother died on me and he couldn't take care of me, since I apparently could see the dead.

"Dear Lillian according to the letter, your father has left you with us. He believed that he couldn't give you the best care without your mom who had recently passed away, because of her illness."

Ms. Margaret took me in that day, she feeds me and put me to sleep in a warm bed. Explaining to me that she would take care of me like she takes care of the other children there.

He leaves me behind.

I finally cried myself to sleep that night.

"On one special day Lillian, you and other children in this orphanage will be adopted by a special family. And you will have a new mother and father, and you will live happily ever after."

That was three years ago. I guessed my special day hasn't arrived.

It was Sunday morning when Ms. Margaret and her colleagues gathered us in the main hall for potential parents to visit and introductory. I counted two sets of parents looking at us, I stayed in the background, to bite back my would be disappointment for not being picked.

There were another two behind me, I could smell her perfume. It smelled nice. She smelled like summer flowers. They were sorry for being late, she touched my shoulder and gently excuse her self to join Ms. Margaret and the rest of the group.

I was at my usual nook by the window drawing my life away, when suddenly one of the girls fell and slipped in front of me. She was embarrassed and accused me that I had made her fall.

I knew her, she had several times had it in for me. So I just shrugged, and never minded her. But that made her even more upset and pulled my hair, she made me fall from my nook. I was crying but I didn't fight back, I never fight back. Not since my father abandoned me. I had nothing to fight back for.

I was never close with the other children. Maybe because I would wake up at night, screaming with nightmares, and sometimes I would stare at a wall for the longest time.

I sleepwalk at night, I would get up and leave the room, and just stand in front of the wall for hours. I would pound my head against the cupboard while sleeping, making other kids woke up screaming. Until later on, I was put in my own room away from other children at night, just to keep the peace. That room was situated at the end of the hall.



One of the parents came to me and separated us. A woman cradled me and took me into her embrace, making me inhale her scent. The summer flowers. I took in her comfort, for however long they might be until she went away.

Another hour passed, and Ms. Margaret approached me. She was telling me, that she would like to speak to me.

"Did I do something wrong Ms. Margaret?" my hands started fiddling with my pencil.

"No honey, you're perfect as always." She sighed at me, her eyes were a bit teary making me reached out to her and hold her hand.

"I'm so sorry Ms. Margaret, please don't cry. I won't let you down again..." I started talking.

"Oh, Lilian...I'm so sorry. It's me, look honey... come here..." she told me to come to her.

"These nice couples here would like to adopt you, Lilian. I already told them about your condition, and they still insisted that they wanted you to be part of their family. This is it Lilian...this is your special day, these are your new parents." Her words hang in the air.

Then suddenly the woman came to me and took my hand in hers. "I've always wanted a beautiful strong little girl, we've been searching for the perfect one. And then we saw you..." Her husband was kneeling beside her, and took my other hand "Lilian sweety...will you let us adopt you, and be our daughter?"

I just smile and nod.

*******

In the car, they told me about themselves. Her name was Janet, his name was David and they have a son named Anthony, and he was eight years older than me. David told me that he was in financial business, and Janet was a stay at home mom.

They told me that Ms. Margaret had already informed them about my ability, they said that they would try to help me as best as they could.

Janet has a sister with the same ability, and that was why they were confident in taking me in. It was almost seven when we arrived, I clutched my teddy tighter.

Their house was huge, my jaw dropped. And Janet just laughed at my expression. "Oh Lilian, I know it's a bit too much, right? I told David that when he showed me the house." Then she hugged me, as David opened the door calling out for Anthony.

The boy came down the stairs, he was tall and lean. I never see older boys before, I just know them from watching TV but he was more handsome than the ones there.

The first impression, he was not pleased to see me. He just shook my hand and nodded, I didn't think he wanted to disrespect his parents.

We had dinner together, and then Janet showed me to my room. It was beautiful, with all the pink an eight years old need in their life.

It was still dark when I suddenly had the urge to pee. As pink as my room was, I knew that they could still sense me. That they would come for me, I stood up from the bed, grabbed my teddy, and was about to start walking to the bathroom, when a hand holds me from under the bed.

I screamed, and not a minute later Anthony burst through my door, his wild eyes were searching the cause of my scream. He instinctively pulled me into his chest, then caressing my hair trying to calm me down.

Then he pushed me away abruptly, hearing his parents coming down from the hallway. The lights were immediately switched on, Janet and David embrace me right away. And Anthony slowly retreated to his room. Our eyes met for the first time, then he walked away.

The next morning at breakfast Janet and David told me to try and call them mom and dad, just like Anthony. I just nod, but it was hard for me to do so. Feeling that my previous parents had died and abandoned me, and having another would give me the feeling that they might do that one day too.

"I'll try Janet, maybe one day. I just feel that you and David might one day leave me too. So if I don't call you that, you might just stay longer with me?" I pleaded to them, and they just hugged me, knowing that I was just trying to protect my feelings.

I met Janet's sister Annie that afternoon. "Hey Lilian, I'm Annie, you can call me Ann. Janet told me that you can see things just like me?" Then she saw the marks left on my calf from last night, where the thing grabbed my leg from under the bed.

"Oh poor Lilian, I understand it's your first night?" She started talking to me, sitting next to me on the sofa, by the window.

"...some beings are intrigued by our ability. They can sense that we can see them, and they want us to acknowledge that. Although we sometimes don't want to, because of their hideous features." She hugged me, then saw my drawings on my lap.

"These are really good for your age Lilian. It is good that you have an outlet for your dark experience." She told me in confidence.

"Look, Janet invite me to stay here, to accompany you for your few first nights here, is that okay with you? would you like my company?" she asked me, rubbing my arms while still hugging me.

I've never been loved this much before.

I thought to myself.

It was late night when I suddenly was awoken by the screeching sound, it was coming from inside the closet door. It sounded like something was trying to get out.

I didn't want to open my eyes, knowing that I would see the thing that was causing the noise. But the thing wouldn't stop, and I finally gave up. I couldn't go to sleep anyway with that screeching sound. So I woke up and opened my eyes.



I saw it by the crack of the closet door, the teeth, the eyes. I screamed and Anthony was in the doorway, but Ann beat him to me as she hugs me, and told Anthony to get back to his room and go back to sleep.

She embraced me, told me to close my eyes, and say a prayer, to wish all the spirits away. I did, as I was told. She also saw it, then she gently closes the closet door.

"It's okay Lilian, she's gone now. Just remember that you are stronger than all of them. Did you know that it will drain their energy, just to pop into your face? That's why when they do scare you, they would feed off your energy for being scared. But if you're brave they would go away in no time." She was calming me down, talking, and soothing me.

"...They might spook you but that's about it. Just ignore them, they would usually go away. I would usually see them, acknowledge them telling them that I know that they existed, then they would usually go away." She holds me in my bed while telling her stories until I fall asleep.

She stayed with us for a whole week, until she said that she has to go out of the country for a while. But would come and visit me again as soonest she gets back. By this time I had already opened up to her and the rest of the family, excluding Anthony. He still remains distant, but he never really bothered me.

One day Ann told me that Anthony had lost his little sister when she was around eight years old and that I reminded him of her. Janet and David had been searching for the perfect daughter for years until they fall in love with me, watching my little brave self at the orphanage that Sunday, Ann had said.

Janet and David were arranging, all my paperwork for school. They were still considering me to be homeschooled but decided to put me in a private school first, if it didn't work out then I would be homeschooled. I agreed with them, smiling.

Anthony had gone to a boarding school last week, David had administered him to his Alma mater, and was very proud when Anthony got accepted. He would come back twice maybe once a month, they said.

It had been one month when Ms. Margaret came to visit me, and she was really happy to see me. She said that I was more chatty, and I laughed at her. Then she hugged me tight and shed a happy tear for me.

The school was great, I made friends quite fast, everybody was friendly there. Maybe because I was more open to them since Ann had helped me a lot on how to cope with my ability. I would still see them, even at school but now I could handle myself better.

My life was going so great, I've friends and family, Janet, David whom I still couldn't call mom and dad. Then there was Ann my trusty ally, and even Anthony my stepbrother, though I didn't see him that much anymore, since he was in boarding school.

I was hoping for a happy ever after, deep down inside I really did. Maybe if I wish hard enough, it would come true. I started kneeling by the foot of the bed and pray. For the first time in eight years of my life, I prayed for my new family.

Lilian, Age 20

It was pouring thunderstorm, the flash of lightning and thunder raging mad in the night sky. I was waiting for Janet and David to come home.

I had a bad feeling about them going out tonight. I already told them to skip the event, but Janet said that they couldn't cancel. With the thunderstorms, many of the guests wouldn't show either, so they needed to fill out the seats. It was for a good cause Janet reminded me. I sighed as I let them go.

I was pacing back and forth waiting for their return, I love Janet and David, for the twelve years I spent my life with them, they took care of me. They truly care for me like I was their daughter. But I still couldn't call them mom and dad, fearing that one day they will leave me, abandon me just like my real ones.

I still love them unconditionally. Being twenty years old, I still stay close to them since Anthony won't. I accompanied them in the house, they like having someone to talk to whenever they're in the house. I refused to go out of town for college. Not like Anthony, who chooses all the furthest ones, and got accepted to one. He usually came home during the holidays, just like when he was in boarding school.

My hands were itching to call Ann or Anthony. I could feel like something was wrong, I could smell it in the air, just like when my real mom was dying from her illness. Martha, our maid was with me trying to comfort me. She was a sweet older woman, she knows me from the first day I arrived, even from the first moment Anthony arrived from the hospital as a baby. She smiled at me reminiscing when she would tell me stories.

I was about to call them when the house phone rang. I could feel myself trembling, my hand was shaking trying to pick up the phone.

"Hello, Lilian speaking..." I waited for the voice on the other line.

"Yes, good evening mam...we're from the state hospital, this is regarding Janet and David Woods. I'm sorry to tell you that they have been involved in an accident this evening. I will need you to come to the hospital mam......" he was still talking, but I was already crying and sobbing dropping down to the floor.

Martha immediately came to me, then continue taking the phone call and ended it. Then she hugged me, rocking me like when I was small. "I'm going to call Bert, best to go there with a driver at this time. We're going to the hospital right now okay? I'll get your shoes and purse, everything will be okay. I will be there. You want to call Anthony and Ann? Or should I?" She asked, while still hugging me.

I told her that I'd call them, and told her to inform Bert to get the car ready, and asked her to get my things. Then I called Anthony. He was devastated, but he continued telling me that he was not far from the hospital and would probably get there before me. He said that he would meet me there.

I also called Ann. She said she was out of town, but would get on the next available flight. She told me to stay strong and said that Anthony would be there and we have to be strong together.

We arrived at the hospital an hour later. Anthony was already there, he was talking to the doctor and suddenly resting his back against the wall.

No..no..no..this is not happening.

I could see the signs, my tears won't stop falling. Martha was on my side the whole time, then Anthony looked at me with sadness in his eyes. I ran to him when he opens his arms, then hugged him tight as I cry my heart out.

"They're gone Lilian, they're both gone." I could feel his tears on my temple, his chest vibrates with his sobbing cries. I know that he loved them, despite all their differences he really loved them.

Martha was talking to the doctor, and then she took all the paperwork and gave them to Anthony for him to sign. We went home two hours later, after talking to the lawyers regarding Janet's and David's wishes for their funeral. Anthony told me that they had arranged everything, that they had shared this information with him years ago. In the event that something should happen to them, Anthony was to contact the lawyers and they would make the arrangements.

Anthony went home with us, he left his car at the hospital. Martha said Bert would pick it up in the morning. She was sitting in the front, while Anthony was hugging me and sitting with me in the back. I couldn't even stop crying.

"We will be okay Lilian, don't worry...we will make it on our own." he kept on chanting and whispering soothing words in my ear.

"Please don't leave me..." I pleaded to him

"I won't... Now just rest okay? tomorrow will be a long day." He kissed my temple, and I closed my eyes.

I woke up the next morning in my bed with Anthony's hand, draped on my waist. "Anthony?" I shook his shoulder lightly. He looked so peaceful, so handsome.

Every time I see him back for holidays, it seemed that he had gotten taller, more built, and more handsome. Slowly he opened his eyes and smiled at me.

He's so handsome.

"Morning Lilian, sorry about crashing here." He seated himself to the headboard...naked from the waist up, ripples of chest muscles and abs suddenly aligned to my face. I blushed at the sight, he smirked looking amused at me.

"You were having a nightmare last night, and I promised to hold you until morning, better now?" His morning bed voice sent funny feelings to my lower parts. I nodded and blushed again, he got up and kissed my temple. He told me to shower, then saying that he would meet me downstairs for breakfast.

We met the lawyers in the afternoon, and they informed us about the funeral. That it would be held the next day in a closed casket ceremony, and that they had arranged all the invites. The lawyers had been given the list previously by Janet and David. The lawyers said that they had already prepared everything for us, we just need to be there. They also informed us, that they would come again for the reading of the Will the next day.

The burial ceremony was blurry to my memory, what I remembered was that I couldn't stop crying. I was wearing my black dress and a black veil. I couldn't even wear sunglasses, since I kept on nudging the glasses with tissues every five seconds. Anthony and I sat in the front, where all Janet and David's acquaintances shook our hands, some hugged and gave us comforting words. Ann was also by my side. She was also shocked but keeping it grounded for my support.

We went back that evening. Feeling exhausted I went straight to bed. I woke up screaming having another nightmare. It was too vivid for a nightmare, where the woman who was dressed in white was at the bottom of the stairs. She was just waiting for me. Anthony was by my side immediately, taking me into his arms where I snuggled looking for his warmth as my body trembled with the coldness from the entity.



Ann came to my other side, she asked Anthony to bring me a glass of water. "Lilian, you can do this. You can control your mind. Anthony said that you've been having nightmares. If you're strong, then you won't get tired easily, and the nightmares won't come. Do you trust me, Lilian? ..." I nodded at her. Anthony was back with my water, and give it to me and had his arms draped back to my shoulder.

"Lilian, I will have to go back to Seattle tomorrow morning, I'm sorry that I have to leave you so soon. But I already talked to Anthony, and he will keep you company, and take some personal time off from his company." Anthony kissed my hair and rubbed my arm.

"I will be fine Ann. I'm twenty now, I can take care of my self, you have helped me face my fear all these years. I will call you if I need your advice." I smiled at her giving her a hug.