Dusk and Ice

As the plane began to descend I felt the tension that had been in my shoulders all morning leave with a deep sigh of relief. I relaxed visibly. I hadn't realized that I had been desperately holding my breath since the ride to the airport with dad and Camilla, less for the fear of heights and more because I was hoping dad would not change his mind about letting me go.

As I sat back on the seat my mind drifted back to why I decided to leave San Frease in the first place. I enjoyed San Frease a lot because I had a lot of friends. That place has been my home for the best part of my life. I had a rich dad, Jackson Hunter, who controlled half the business world. Since mom and dad split when I was very little I stayed with dad because he had the right to take custody of me. He was richer and was able to provide for me, at least that was what the court said, whereas mom could only boast of a house given to her by her ancient grandmother in a rural neighborhood. I don't much about what mom went through when she lost me but I know what I went through living with dad. I presume mom never got married after the divorce and neither did dad but he had a long endless chain of girlfriends, all of whom I hated with passion. The same plastic smile, plastic boobs, plastic silicon ass, shiny feline eyes, and high-pitched voice. They were all the same; giving ingenuine compliments, sticking with dad to leech off him, stealing tiny pieces of costly figurines from our house probably as souvenirs since they were inevitably going to be dumped anyway. All the same! Thinking about it even now makes my lips curl.

Whenever one of those dolls as I call them came around I would go up the stairs to my room and bolt the doors but it never bolted the sound of their cat-like voices. They purred over everything; at the paintings in the hall, the lifesize amories in the hall, the glass walls overlooking the Carter Bay, the lush trees flanking each side of our drive, and the wide foot-shaped swimming pool at the side of dad's 5000.ft mansion. Worst of all they wanted to please dad so they purred over me too. When I was younger I always told myself they were my mothers, I would say to myself "Mom would be waiting home for me" only "mom" came in different sizes and all shades of blonde.

I lived with that for 18 years and dad wasn't so secretive about his affairs. He grabbed asses right he front of me, he caressed boobs on the dining table and kissed some stupid pouting lips while I was watching and I vowed never to be like him. Never to let those dolls into my life.

Until Camilla Angero.

Before Camilla came I already heard a lot of rumors about dad's new girlfriend and how she was different from the others but I couldn't see her being any different and I was prepared to give her the same silent treatment I reserved for the other dolls.

She moved in after I clocked 18 and the moment she walked in through those glass doors all thoughts about treating her with disdain vanished. There was nothing fake about her. Not the beautiful face that held little makeup, the blue eyes, and her full lips, not the wavy blonde hair. Definitely not the boobs because I have seen a lot to those to know which is real and which isn't. The ass was definitly real too - not stiff like the others before her.

She smiled when she saw me and I knew right then that she was going to make a good mother.

I must have been standing there for a long time looking like an idiot because the next moment I blinked she was right in front of me with her hand out to shake mine. There was something different about her, not the ass, the boobs, or anything - just her. A different kind of aura I never felt before.

When she left to drop her things upstairs dad thumped my back and patted me on the shoulders "Made a good choice this time,uhn?" he said with a proud grin on his face.

I couldn't speak. I could only think of Camilla's face, her smile -her boobs. Then that sexual appeal - that's it!

That was what was so different about her. The sexual appeal.

At age 18 I was no saint - I never went as far as having sex with just any girl because I love my girls classy. But at age 9, my faithful friends Tim and Harry, and I saw lots of videos and lots of magazines enough to fill our heads with fantasies forever. They shared their sexual escapades with me as we grew up. And if I'm being honest Camilla is a girl of class. My type of girl.

I couldn't stop thinking about her, even during dinner as we sat in the huge dining every night with its paneled glass walls offering a view of the stars shining upon the free-flowing creek that came with the property.

I found it difficult to breathe and swallow on the first night and every other night after that because Camilla was sitting directly opposite me with her hand on dad's. She was talking to me, she asked questions and I answered in monosyllables scared I might begin to stutter if I said more than a word at a time.

"Is he always this gentle?" she asked dad and he laughed. He told her I was putting on my best behavior because she was an excellent choice. She called my name and I felt goosebumps go up my flesh as I looked up. I wanted to grab her neck and kiss those full lips but I held myself under some very strong control.

She was way older than me for sure but also very much younger than dad, maybe 27 or thereabout.

"I'm glad you think I am worth living with your dad", she said. I almost didn't hear anything, all I saw was the movement of her lips and the swell of her breasts when she leaned across the table. That and the sound of her voice sent heat to my stomach, I could feel my groin tighten and I squirmed in my chair. She must have seen my discomfort or the heat on my face because she smiled, a very knowing smile that showed white teeth and revealed a lot more to me than any other person who must have witnessed it.

I was never alone with her for too long because I couldn't trust my self-control around her. She never went out of her way to seduce me but the way she looked at me while we ate, and the accidental brushes of her hands or legs against mine had some deep messages for me and me alone.

I was suffering in silence and enjoying every bit of it. I had wet dreams about her. I wanted to kiss her, taste her skin, and fill my hands with her boobs. Then something happened.

I had my friends, Harry and Tim come over to hang out because it was one of those lazy Saturdays with nothing to do and nowhere to go. While we were playing games Camilla walked in with a small fancy tray that held glasses of pineapple drinks and small paper plates with cookies. Harry and Tim couldn't even stop ogling her and she obviously basked in the attention.

"I thought you guys might need these", she said "You've been here all day with nothing to eat. Let me know if you guys want anything else, okay?"

Once she left Tim dropped his gamepad, "Who the fuck is she?", he asked breathlessly.

I shrugged like I didn't care like I didn't notice the see-through of her white cotton dress. "My dad's girlfriend."

Harry whistled low "Your dad isn't so much of an old man after all. He's got good tastes! Dude, you had this sex bomb living here for how long and you've said nothing to us?"

They made jokes and asked if I already tried accidentally bumping into her. I shrugged off their questions but my mind was in turmoil with fantasies about her again and telling my friends about them didn't seem like a good idea.

When Camilla came in again she sat on one of the sofas and leaned forward like she was trying to see what we were playing. Her thighs and her boobs were on full display distracting all three of us and before I knew it she slid from the sofa and sat on the floor beside me. My brain fried instantly.

"May I try?", she asked softly. I handed the gamepad to her with surprisingly steady hands. I watched as she tapped on buttons on the pad trying to get the hang of it and then she laughed "How do you guys use this thing?" she leaned forward to look at Harry and Tim's suddenly still hands. "I'm no good at it, will you teach me, Shawn?"

I answered immediately. "I will"'.

She sat beside me throughout the game to watch me play. Her arm rubbed against my bare arms, her thighs rubbed against mine and I almost had an orgasm there. I held on to my self-control for as long as Harry and Tim stayed and once they left I went upstairs to my room hoping to ease the bulge in my trousers.

There was a soft knock at my door and when I opened it Camilla breezed in a dress-robe. She held my gamepads in her hands.

"You said you were going to teach me how to use these", she said in that thick sultry voice of hers.

"Yes", I said and quickly went over to pick up my laptop and when I turned back around the dressing robe had fallen in a pool around her legs and she was buck naked underneath.

"Do you have a girlfriend, Shawn?" she asked.

My eyes rooted to her body I shook my head.

She clucked her tongue, "How sad. You're far too handsome not to". She looked down at the very prominent bulge in my trousers and smiled "I think you have a bit of something there for me"

"Dad would soon be home," I protested weakly.

She laughed and came closer, took hold of my zipper, and pulled it down. "He's gone on a business trip." She drew back to look me in the eye "Surely you know that. So why don't we play a little while I will teach you to use this." She pulled my cock free from my jeans and the next thing I knew I was falling backward on my bed with her on top of me.

The plane hit the tarmac with a light bump that jeered me out of my thoughts. The sight of the Will Grant airport was not so welcoming but it felt like home. San Frease was a lot more compared to this heavily packed airport with people swathed in parkas and mufflers and thick sweaters.

I already knew what sort of weather to expect but somehow it seemed like my black sweater shirt, thick coat, and wool-lined trousers were too light for the biting cold that was already eating away at my fingers. I tucked my hands inside the safety of my coat for some warmth and it provided a little of it.

The plane was flagged down and the passengers were discharged. If I had any doubts about starting a new life in Whisare they vanished the moment I set my foot on the land. The hustling bodies attending to themselves and their families, minding their own business didn't seem to mind having a strange person in town and I was more than happy to begin afresh here. Just myself and mom.

As soon as I got my bags checked and cleared I started heading for the exit with the hope that on my way out I would get a glimpse of that brownish-red hair I had seen in the picture mom had sent to me. Pretending to know my way around was not difficult since not so many people were paying attention to the tall, average-built, brownish-red hair stranger who immediately blended into the horde of sweaters and boots and mufflers and coats.

Mom had told me told to wait for her since she wanted to pick me up herself, she was worried I might get lost. But I wanted to blend in properly and after a while, I started to see the foolishness of my thinking as nothing was more awkward than pretending to know your way around a new place while hoping someone doesn't tap you to tell you you are heading in the wrong direction.

I started to reconsider my steps when a small body covered in thick clothes attached itself to me almost knocking my bags down. From the whiff of lilies, I smelt on the clothes, childhood memories long lost surfaced and almost choked me as the hot retort at the edge of my tongue died and instinctively I wrapped my hands around mom's small body. My bags fell on the floor with a heavy thud, the wheel on my bigger bags gave out and fell at our feet. I didn't care about those, the only thing that mattered was the small, short and tiny figure hugging me with such fierce strength, a strength I never knew mom possessed until this day. Her body was racking, shaking like she was convulsing and at that moment I knew she was crying. I didn't stop her from crying even when her tears were already seeping through the wool of my shirt, damn it if I don't feel like crying myself!.

Mom stepped back a little and tried to blot the tears from her eyes and cheeks. She laughed, a very shaky laugh, "I'm so sorry about that. I didn't mean to.......".

"Sssh," I said bringing her back to hug me. She held on again, this time tighter than before and the tears started afresh.

"I....I...I thought you changed your m..mind" she cried in a high tremolo that was close to panic "I thought you will change your mind a..a..about giving up your life there to live in a place as simple as WhiSare"

I pressed my nose into her hair "I will never change my mind. I intend to stay here with you and stay here for good". She rubbed her nose against my shirt in an attempt to calm down then heaved a sigh and freed herself once more to look into my face "I find that hard to believe. I'm so happy to see you. You look so grown, so tall, so handsome" then in a more quiet voice said, "So much like your father".

I smoothed her hair and said, "Guess whose hair and eyes I got?". Her green eyes smiled and she rained kisses on my nose, my cheeks, my eyes, my temple, and my lips. People passed without blinking an eye, those who understood smiled in the direction of a mother and her son reuniting. Mother stepped back some more and tried to clean the patch her tears had made on my cloth "Look what I have done now, ruined your cloth for no reason".

I laughed and held her hand away "For the best reason, mom". Her eyes filled up again. Before now dad only let me refer to her as Miss Parker which was her original name before she married dad and became a Hunter. She squeezed my hand and started to pick my bags up but I stopped her and heaved the heavy bags up myself and followed her as she led the way to her old beat-up truck, more like a minivan, with the white paint peeling off in the best of places. She flashed an apologetic smile "I know it's not what you're used to but it is the best I have."

As I hurled the bags into the open back of the van I could help thinking if my being here was comfortable for her, if she would feel burdened with the responsibility of taking care of her spoilt son. The cold outside was worse than I expected and my fingers were unbearably numb. Mom opened the doors of the van quickly and turned on the heater. I got in front with her. She quickly backed out of the lot and started heading south to my new home in my new community, making new friends and hopefully no girlfriends.

Mom kept glancing at me with extremely bright eyes, her fingers were convulsing against the wheel as if she was trying to keep herself from touching me, scared that if she does she would wake up from a bitter dream. I linked my fingers with her free ones and was rewarded with a happy smile, that was all the assurance she needed that I was here with her, alive and happy. The road was slippery with the melting snow and on both sides of the road, people hid behind thick layers of clothes and hurried along. Kids totally hidden in sweaters and scarves ran along a single lane with snowboards. In SanFrease, even though it's still summer there, winter is never as cold as this. This is freezing in raw form and even the heater which was humming softly couldn't drive out the cold from my fingers but mom didn't seem bothered, she wasn't even shaking as much as I was. She drove the car smoothly on the road like she was very much used to the slickness of the roads already. Everywhere we passed there were billboards of different products ranging from Cosmetics, can food brands and even pet food brands. Billboards were advertising new movies shown or still to be shown at the cinema. Dad would have seen this place as a great place to plant a business, he would have taken advantage of the sprawling civilization and used it for his own benefit, his eagle eyes would have seen the right sectors to take dominion over, what shares to buy, what assets to sell. He would have given his best campaign speech on how: The intentions he had were going to benefit the people. How: He could see a rising economy and a promising Megacity in the town. And the people would have believed him because dad has the proverbial mouth of milk and honey. In SanFrease where only the elites live everyone respected dad but it made no difference that I was his son. There was no preferential treatment from some of the guests who came to visit us because to them we are all the same but I doubt it would be like that here. People might be curious to see the runaway Hunter and as exciting as that sounds I don't want to be in the spotlight.

Mom rounded another corner and started slowing the car. The road was lined with brick and wooden houses, each with a white picket fence surrounding it. The ones with two stories had terraces on the second floor like it was a kind of law. People of different sizes and colors were moving around doing their own business, shouting greetings at one another. It was a picture of a peaceful neighborhood where no one had to watch his back when walking alone on the road because he had the assurance that his neighbors were helping him do that. Mom rolled down the window to shout greetings of her own, her breath coming out in white vapor.

"I'll introduce you to anyone who comes around tomorrow," she said.

I fought the urge to groan. I know she is extremely happy to have me home with her and the idea of meeting new people immediately doesn't appeal to me but I also know that one way or another I would have to build the endurance to go through the: "This is my son, I thought you about him before, right? Shawn, that's his name" thing.

She turned the wheel and parked the car in front of a red brick house and from the dying light and the flash of light from her headlamps I saw a dark blue SUV jeep on her drive. I raised a brow at her, "Are we expecting anyone?". It must have been the way I said: "we" but something about what I asked made mom smile. She shook her head.

"Jackson had a car delivered for you. He is afraid I might make you use my minivan."

I squeezed my eyes shut. There was hurt in mom's voice, in the way she explained dad's superior behavior. Leave it to the old man to do something like this, ordering a car for my arrival. I tried to hide the disgust on my face as I went round to get my bags from the back, mom hurried over to assist me with the smaller bags, she locked the car and took out her keys, and the time I spent waiting for her to open the simple sandpapered door I studied my new home. Red bricks formed the better part of the wall, the windows had slides instead of shutters, three simple steps led to the front door which mom was trying to open, the terrace ran round the side of the house and from where I was standing it looked like there were two chairs with a table up there. The door opened and mom reached for the switch and in the next moment, half the first floor was flooded with light. The hardwood floor promised permanent injury if by chance anyone gets unlucky enough to fall on it though it was nicely polished and scrubbed. The wooden seats of the two chairs arranged in the main hall were covered with purple hand-sewn clothes that provided a kind of comfort from the hardness of the wood, there was a glass table chipped at the edges and a comfy sofa at another corner of the room. The house had the smell of lavender and as I appreciated the nice fragrance with a sniff mom smiled and her shoulders slumped a bit. She must have been waiting for my reaction to the house I didn't even have to pretend because I love the homeliness, the warmth. The fireplace had a fire going. It struck me how so unlike SanFrease mom's place is. Where dad's house has a lot of empty spaces with nothing to occupy them the down floor of mom's house was a little too packed.

She started climbing up the steps and I joined her. She opened the door to my new room with a small key and pushed the door open, the musky smell hit me at once. "I haven't opened this room in a while. I only opened it to clean it out today" mom explained apologetically "I don't think cleaning it once would do". She dropped my bags on the neatly made bed and sat down on it too. She shrugged out of her coat, then the jacket she was wearing underneath. "I'm so happy to have you home with me DeShawn you don't know how..." her voice broke and she stopped talking long enough to regain her composure "I've dreamt of times like this but I never thought it would be possible to have you here with me". She dabbed at her eyes. I knelt in front of her and held her hand "Mother. I don't want you crying again if you want me to stay then believe I am here and I have no intention of leaving you ever again, ok?". Maybe women have a thing for crying and I will just have to learn to live with that in the days to come.

She nodded vigorously then cleared her throat "Let me go downstairs and start dinner I suppose you're hungry?"

My stomach rumbled then making the both of us laugh. I took her hand "I'll help you with dinner, arranging of my things can wait"

"Have you ever cooked before?" mom asked with a disbelieving look on her face. Truth be told I never had any cause to cook anything in dad's house, I never even thought it was possible to turn on a heater or a stove or gas but with mom, I will learn. I told her so and she laughed saying she didn't want anything disastrous to happen to her good cooking. We went down and she turn on all the lights as we passed. The kitchen was fairly large but it had every necessary thing needed in a kitchen. Mom washed the vegetables and showed me how to cut them then left them to me when I got the cutting right. She hummed a tone around the kitchen, it showed how content she was living here and I intended to have a taste of that contentment.

"Away from the weather, we have some disturbing news of another missing person. Tessa was last seen at the Choc-It bar last night. Friends and family are concerned about her. Anyone with any information whatsoever should report to the police..."

I woke up to the sound of metal on metal, the sound of people yelling greetings at each other, the smell of freshly baked bread or pie or whatever that aroma was wafting through the open window, and mom's radio with the news report spewing from it.

It was all strange and new and so was the bed on which I was laying. My back ached. The bed pressed into my spine and made me uncomfortable. I had a hard time getting some sleep yesterday night and when I finally drifted off I only managed to get a few hours of sleep before opening my eyes to the white-painted ceiling above me.

After laying there for some minutes staring at the ceiling I got up and swung my legs to the floor, searched for my slides, and slipped my feet into them. Heading for the bathroom a loud masculine voice came from downstairs halting me right in my tracks. There was a loud boom of laughter and a smaller voice I recognized to be mom's joined in. I hurried to the bathroom across the hall quickly, cleaned up, put on a fresh pair of cords and a brown sweater and went downstairs with water still dripping from my hair in fat drops. It was more curiosity than forgetfulness that had me hurrying down the steps without bothering to brush the wetness from my hair to see who mom was laughing with.

Mom was standing by the stove stirring something in a pan but she wasn't alone. She was talking with the hulk of a man sitting on the captain table we ate dinner on yesterday. He complimented her pie and when mom turned to chide him softly there was color on her cheeks. She saw me standing at the foot of the stairs and the color deepened as if she was embarrassed that I caught her blushing.

"Shawn", she said softly.

The man turned on his seat to look at me. I took a good look at him. His sandy brown hair was all over the place, his brown eyes had a humorous light in them, an after effect of his laughter. His body was a mass of muscles built not as a result of spending time at the gym but real, serious manual labor. His shoulders were almost bursting through the shirt he wore, he would definitely have trouble getting into any sweater of mine. Mom moved to drop a bowl on the table and that movement tore my gaze away from the stranger.

"Morning, mom," I said.

"Did you enjoy your sleep? You slept for a long time." She glanced at the clock on one side of the wall which read 11 am. I didn't realize I slept that long. My night felt like a series of waking up and tossing on the hard bed.

"Come and have something to eat."

I complied and drew out the chair beside the brown-haired stranger.

"Logan this is Shawn, Shawn meet Logan," mom said.

I started nodding politely towards the stranger but he grabbed my hand and squeezed it in a tight, painful grip that he probably thought was a friendly pump.

"Lily couldn't stop talking about you, pleased to finally meet you," he said in a very deep voice that had me thinking of a boom box. What surprised me was his politeness and it left me a little speechless. I don't know what I had expected maybe something like, "So this is the Hunter?" or "You are welcome but I don't think you will last long here."

Mom saw me struggling for the right words to say and graciously helped me out. "Logan fixed the door for me some time ago and he helped to fix the slides on the window."

Logan groaned "You don't have to tell him that, the door is not that nice. Besides, I was only doing my duties as a good neighbor to a damsel in distress."

Mom's eyes darted towards me and back to Logan, the color on her face before reappeared. It doesn't take a wizard to know mom likes Logan and he returned the feeling. They obviously have a little something going on, the fact that Logan made it obvious in the presence of her 18-year-old son who is bound to be protective over her though scored him a point in my book.

As mom dropped a plate of eggs and toast in front of me. Logan stood up and pushed his chair back, making a loud scrape sound on the floor. "I have to go now, duty calls." he took my hand again and pumped hard.

"Nice to meet you once again. Am I allowed to visit?" he laughed. It was weird that he asked but he was easy to like.

Mom went back to cooking but I knew she was waiting for my answer so I gave it quickly.

"Of course, Logan, anytime you want," I replied Logan grinned and pumped my hand again then left the kitchen. Soon I heard the sound of the front door closing with a heavy thud. The big guy made big noises.

Mom turned down the heat of the stove and came to join me at the table "You enjoyed your sleep?" she asked again.

"Not much. My back aches". At the look of worry in her eyes, I quickly added, "But it's not that bad."

She nodded and picked a piece of the pie Logan had been eating from. It was at the tip of my tongue to ask about Logan but I decided to leave that for now and let mom do the talking on that if she ever wanted to.

There were more pressing issues to talk about. Like school. Dad tried to use that as an excuse to stop me from leaving. He told me the school term was not over and if I wanted to leave I could wait till the holidays before leaving but with Camilla sitting there at the table with the both of us, watching me as if trying to remind me that running away would do nothing to hide our sins I refused to see the sense in what he said. I told him the term wasn't over and wouldn't be over when I got to WhiSare. He had tried to change my mind with various other reasons all of which I answered with my already prepared answers. Camilla knew better than to try to convince me to stay, she made no comments and soon excused herself when dad asked for her opinion.

"Jackson wants you to attend a private school," mom scoffed. "There are none of those around here unless you want to go to a boarding school and that's outside WhiSare."

"I don't want a private school," I told her. She raised her brow in question. "I told you I'm not leaving you again. If the best of private schools would take me away from here then I will go to wherever WhiSare has to offer."

"Even if it's below Jackson's standard of a school." It wasn't a question but I answered

"Even then."

She sighed in relief and brought out a white envelope from under her sweater "I guess that's good to hear since I went out of my way to get the form for the East WhiSare School" she pushed the envelope into my hand.

I laughed "I think I must have gotten some of your cunning."

She pushed her nose up "That's a little of mine and Jackson's. Must have been the only thing we shared."

I studied the white envelope that had the seal of the school on it. I turned it this way and that then opened it and pulled out the papers inside.

"You don't have to fill it today, you have all the time you want but if you do want to get it done and over with Cara Evan would help you out."

"Cara Evan?" I asked her. She nodded "You will meet her tonight at the park. There's a bonfire party which might hold if the weather allows it"

"Is that something new?" I ask referring to the bonfire party.

"We do that here during winter. It's nice and there's a fire to keep you warm. It's just a ritual to maintain peace around here."

"And Logan is going to be there?" I asked. I couldn't help it but the idea of mom falling in love with someone created this urge to tease her about it. She tried to fight her smile as she tried a weak attempt to hit my hand but failed and ended up grinning.

"Nothing serious is going on between me and Logan, he's a friend. A very good one".

"Yes yes mom I believe you," I rolled my eyes.

She tried to smack my hand again but ended up laughing. "Let's not talk about Logan let's talk about you. Why did you leave SanFrease? Why the sudden move?"

Hoping she didn't see the look of alarm on my face at the sudden change in topic I went to drop my plate in the sink, schooled my expression, and turned back to face her "I guess I got sick of staying, I needed a change maybe."

"I heard he has a new woman in his life and it seems to be a steady relationship." There was nothing like bitterness in her voice or face just a kind of pity that I suspected was directed at dad's unconventional way of life. But I wasn't happy she brought up the discussion because it involved the blonde bitch called Camilla Angero.

I shrugged half-heartedly. "That should be Camilla Angero. I doubt she would last for a long time, though, she's just there to stay for a while like the others."

Mom studied my face carefully, the way she was staring at me made me a little uncomfortable, like she could see all my sins on my face. She sighed deeply when she satisfied herself with whatever she was looking for and shook her head.

"I hate to know what you've been through there and from what I heard Jackson never keeps his affairs secret. He was never secretive about things, not even when he had an affair in our marriage." mom laughed "I'm surprised no one knew about our divorce until months later." She stood up and came to join me at the sink. "Those times I did everything within my power to make sure I had you in my care but Jackson had the money to take you away and he did. I don't want you to turn out like him, Shawn, no matter how much you have seen and what you know about the kind of life he lived. You have a girlfriend?"

I shook my head wondering where the conversation was heading. There had always been the need for a date for social events, all the girls at SanFrease we kind of my type. They were rich, beautiful, and skinny. And majorly blonde. They were all the same. Slashing people with their tongues, creating squads and making the snidest remarks. But they were charming to the boys, obviously, rich hoes in the making, and why mom was interested in whether or not I had one of them for a girlfriend was a mystery. But she nodded and looked a bit satisfied with my answer then took over the sink and began to rinse the plates. I knew she was searching through the thoughts in her head for another topic to talk about, something to end the talk of dad and my life with him so I helped her out. It was not difficult to find a topic when 4 pies were cooling on a rack on the counter.

"Those are not for us, are they?" I ask.

She turned to look like she is just seeing them for the first time "No, it's for tonight. People cook and share the food they cook, there's always more than enough for anyone to eat."

For me I would rather sleep the night out than spend it with a couple of people dancing around a fire, hugging each other and throwing kisses at each other.

But it was another big step for me. Joining them tonight was merging with them, being a part of them, identifying myself as one of them and if that's what it took to get accepted then I will go for it.

In the meantime, I'm trying to get used to my new environment. From my window upstairs I noticed the flow of people on the road. Everywhere buzzed with activities but it was nothing like San Frease. The kids riding to school on boards or with bikes would have been slick black cars in San Frease , like the one waiting to be used on mom's drive. It would have been loud music blaring from the cars and no one had the right to ask any questions. The women hurrying along to work or their houses would have been bags of bones in silk and shawl looking down their noses as they bent their stiff long necks to climb into waiting cars with chauffeurs. Everyone wanted to belong at San Frease but here everyone belonged without trying, it was a sense of feeling I hoped to have tonight. Anyone would call me crazy and may laugh out loud in my face but I will go through anything to hide a sin and put certain things behind me.

When the night came, I shrugged my jacket on and donned an extra pair of socks. Mom's silent footsteps brought her to the door of my room which was open.

"Hurry up," she said softly. In her right hand was the basket of pies and drinks and once I pulled my boots over my feet and secured them with the laces I took the basket from her and together we went downstairs and joined the traffic and people and cars going to the central park. The road wasn't as slick as it had been yesterday and snow wasn't falling either. It was cold, dry air blowing harshly, enough to make the skin raw.