Do I DeservE To Be LoveD ??

Leka pov,

Lying on the floor I could not stand the cold so I sat up on the floor and leaned against the wall and stared the cell steel door.. My new name is prisoner no.103.. I got this name for the sins I did.. Now I spending my days in jail as the punishment for the sins I committed against my friend rosie.. I don't deserve to call her as my friend.. How could I be her friend who I tried to kill her when she was pregnant ??.. May be nowadays God punishing the sinner immediately that is why I was punished instantly for the sin I committed.. My thoughts are interrupted by jailor voice,

"Prisoner no.103.. Come out.."

I get up from floor with the support of wall.. I walk with a limp towards cell door.. He opened the door instantly as I got near to the door and shouted to me,

"Can't you walk a little faster ??.. Come with me.. Today you are going to be released from prison.."

I mumbled sorry and tried to follow jailor faster but no matter how much I tried I couldn't walk faster.. Before coming into prison, I have shown my rich arrogance to many people's; but after coming into prison, many prisoner proved their power by hitting me.. As a result of their abuse, I can't walk without little limp and can't carry anything in my left hand without trembling.. My thoughts discontinued by jail officer voice,

"Sign here "

I signed where he ordered me to sign and he handed me a new floral dress and some money in my hands and told me,

" Your husband asked to give you this dress and this money for the penal labour work you did here.. After giving your prisoner uniform, you can go out.."

I nodded and went behind the curtain to took off prisoner uniform and took the crumpled paper and note cards from uniform and hide it inside my bra.. After wearing the new dress, I gave the prisoner uniform to jail officer..

As I was walking out of jail, the word "Husband" brought smile to my face.. I only know his name.. Hari krishnan.. His name is deeply imprinted in my mind and heart.. I got him as a fortune when I thought I had lost everything.. After marrying him, I endured the pain and suffering which I experienced in prison with the help of the words he wrote on the note card.. In that card the words "I am waiting for you ~ Hari" will have written..

He would send it for me monthly once with some fruits.. Whenever I read his words, it gave me happiness, even though it was not some love or romantic words.. Still the thought of someone was waiting for me gave me hope to live my life.. I would not have cared so much if this had happened three years ago because three years ago I had everything, but now I have nothing.. I lost everything, my parents, my wealth, my beauty.. Now no one will pass me without giving disgusting look.. Even after knowing everything he married me and accepted me as his wife.. Now I have only one wish that to keep him always happy.. Can I make him happy with my disability ??.. Will he be happy with me ??.. What would I do if he thought me as burden ??.. My Hari don't think like that.. If he had thought so, then he wouldn't have got married with me..

As soon as I got out of prison the scorching sunlight bash on me.. I looked for him all over through my sight but he was nowhere to be found.. I waited for him with the thought that it might be taking time for him to get leave from office..

While waiting for him I saw my figure in the doorglass of the car parked before me.. My hourglass figure now turned into skinny figure like stick.. In the past, I would spend many thousand to beautify my curly hair but now I have bun it with the help of cheap rubber band.. My eyebrows have grown out of shape without regular threading.. My eyes which had once been showing arrogance and proudness, now showing dullness and little hope.. My cheeks which was once soft, and smooth with high cheekbones is now look sunken and my right cheek have a big scald scar.. Scald scar was the first brusies I received as a reward for speaking out against a prisoner.. My lips which was once looked beautiful and kissable is now look dry with little cracks..

As my glance moved to my neck, happiness shine on my face instantly.. The yellow thali ( wedding chain ) which he tied around my neck was hanging on my neck.. He tied this thali around my neck at our wedding and then we don't did any other rituals like replacing the yellow thread with strong yellow thread or gold chain.. Hari took me out of prison in the bail for one day and our wedding took place at the small temple in the presence of his family and lawyer uncle who is my father friend..

(**The yellow thread is made of new white cotton thread preferably khadi thread not the sewing machine white thread.. It is coated with turmeric paste, as turmeric is considered auspicious.. The mangalsutra (called Thali) is strung in it. The groom ties it around the bride's neck.. Later they replace yellow thread with a more strong yellow thread or gold chain with rope like pattern **)

I agreed to marry him just to fulfill my father's last wish.. The last letter my father wrote for me is still etched deeply in my heart..

"My Dear Leka Darling,

As you read this letter your mother and I wouldn't have been alive.. Forgive us for leaving you alone.. Sorry leka darling.. Your father couldn't able to take you out of prison.. Now your father lost everything.. After you went to jail I could not focus on the our family business.. Therefore, our company start to face many losses.. I sold all of our assets to compensate loss but still I couldn't save our company.. Sorry leka for leaving you like this.. Please leka after releasing from prison don't do any other sins.. Your sins and our excessive affection towards you brought our family in this situation.. I did not want to leave you alone like this.. Therefore I asked hari who worked as my PA to marry you.. He also agreed.. Please marry him.. He will keep you happy and you also try to be good wife for him.. Its my last wish.. Please fulfill my last wish and let my soul rest in peace.."

I wiped away the tears that filled my eyes with memories of my father.. I lost my parents because of frantic obession towards varun.. My family would not have been in this situation if I had not been tried to kill rosie after knowing varun loves her.. I know that there is no use of regretting it now.. Anyway I have to get the punishment for the sins I did.. I think the pain I suffered in prison during those three years was a sufficient punishment given to me by God.. From today onwards I wish to live my life happily with hari without committing any sin to anyone.. I'm going to live my life as his wife ..

Leka pov,

Half an hour had passed, yer he had not came.. After standing for half an hour my legs started to ache.. Therefore I started to walk with the thinking that I could sit on the stone under the tree which was little distance away from me.. A expensive car speedily past me while I was walking.. The thought occurred to me that he might be in that car.. He was working as PA in a company how could he come in such an expensive car.. Therefore, I get rid of that thought and were continued to walk.. Suddenly I heard hari voice behind me,

"Leka madam.. Where are you going ??.. Sorry I was late.."

By hearing his sudden voice, I turned and looked at him with a smile.. He look still same as he was on our wedding day.. His oily black hair which he was combed neatly like school boy, his big spectacle which is perfectly hiding his thick eyebrows and his brown eyes, his slim nose, his average lips, his thick black mostache, his oval-shaped face, his well toned body which he hide inside his suit neatly.. As I was looking at him shamelessly, I heard his voice again..

"Leka madam.. What are you thinking while looking at me ??"

I felt my face were blooming with redness in the embarrassment of being caught by him.. I moved my glance to road to hide my embarrassment from him.. Why does he calling me as madam ??.. Has he forgotten that I am his wife ??.. With these thoughts, I told him firmly..

"Hari.. I am your wife so don't address me as madam.. Call me with my name or other name which you like.."

"But madam" he begin to say something but after seeing my angry glare he stopped it and told me again with a smile,

"Okay leka.. Wait here.. I'll be back in a minute"

I nodded with a smile.. He ran and got into that expensive car and drived it and parked near me and told me to get in.. I got in the car with doubts.. To clear my doubts I asked him in confused tone,

"Hari.. Whose car is this??"

"Oo.. ho.. This is my boss car.. He ordered me to bring it from the workshop on the way to office.. Therefore I thought to drop you in home first then I would go office.."

I nodded and asked him while looking at him,

"Where do you work now ??"

"I'm working in your father company as PA for Ramakrishan sir who bought your father company" he replied me with forced smile..

I nodded and looked outside scenery and wiped away the tears that came out of my parents memories.. I should not cry, my father would always say that he couldn't bear to see my tears.. I have pretended as crying many times to make me father to accept my wish.. From today onwards I am going to live according to my father wish.. Smile Leka.. I told myself and smiled with watery eyes.. The car was going into some slum area and I was looking it with confusion.. Why hari brought me here ??.. As I was immersed in my own thoughts, I heard hari voice..

"Leka.. Get down from the car.. We have to walk a little distance from here to go home"

I nodded with smile and got out of the car with difficulty.. I didn't feel difficult when I got in the car but it was so hard for me to get out of car with my injured leg but somehow I got out of car by holding the car door tightly.. I got out of the car and looked at him who was already looking me with some unknown emotion.. I smiled looking at him but he just give me plain look and start to walk fastly.. I limped and tried to walk fastly to match with his pace.. No matter how hard I tried, I reached home 10 mintues later after he reached.. I heard his angry voice at the instant I stepped inside the home..

"Can't you come fastly ??.. I was going to be late for the work because of your turtle walk.. Stay here, don't go out.. I will come back at evening.."

Before I could apologize to him, he left the house angrily.. My eyes moisted after hearing the his mocking words in the way to insult my disability..

"Leka.. He have all rights to get angry to you.. Because of you, he was going to be late for office.. You have to understand him.." my mind tried to convince me..

Yes.. I have to understand his situation.. He got angry in the tension.. I have to apologize to him when he comes home in the evening.. With these thoughts, I started looking around the house happily.. It is a old ramshackle small house with hall, kitchen and a bathroom.. Everything was tiny in size, anyway its perfect for us.. Its our home.. Mine and Hari home.. Our sweet home.. We are going to fill this home with love and happiness.. The house seemed to be unused for several days, and spider webs and dust could be seen everywhere.. Therefore, I start to look for broom to clean the house but he don't have any necessary things in the home.. When I was wondering what to do then I remembered the money I got in the prison ..

After locking the door, I start to go out to buy necessary things but I do not know where the shop is.. So I knocked on the door of the next house of our's to enquire about shops which are near our home.. A middle aged woman opened the door and asked me doubtly after giving disgusting look,

"Who are you??"

" Hello akka (sister).. I am hari's wife who is staying in the house next to you"

She give me confusing look and told me,

"Who is hari ??.. I don't know any hari.. Go away from here.."

After saying this, she tried to close the door.. Somehow I managed her refusal and asked her about shops.. She told me the route to go market area after giving me doubtful look.. I start to go by the route she told and bought all the things like cleaning items, vessels to cook food, vegetables and grocery.. And I bought a pillow and bedsheet for him as a result of spotting a plain old bed on the corner of the hall in the house.. As I was buying those things, zomeone of them gave me a disgusting look and others give me a pathetitc look.. It's a normal thing for me to get a disgust look but why someone of them are giving me pathetic look.. Is they thinking I can't be like other housewife ??.. No.. I can also be a good wife for my hari.. I will prove to everyone that it is wrong for them to underestimate me..

Then I hired auto and brought everything to our home.. I bought everything from one shop.. Therefore, with the help of one worker I placed everything inside the auto without any problem but now how I'm going to carry everything inside the home.. God already my legs are paining badly then how I am going to carry it.. With these troublesome thoughts, I got out of auto and request auto driver to help me.. First he denie it but after seeing my struggles to carry it, he agreed to help me.. Atlast I bought everything for our sweet home.. A happiest smile beamed on my face after seeing our cleaned house..

Leka pov,

The candle is giving brightness to our house.. I finished cleaning of the house at the evening.. After that I started cooking quickly thinking that I should finish cooking before he gets home.. While I was cooking, the light in the hall suddenly went out which was the only light in our house.. There is no candle or extra bulb in our house.. Therefore somehow I managed and went out of our house in the darkness and told my situation to akka who staying next to our house and requested her to give me a candle.. After giving me a angry look, she gave me a candle.. I just smiled sheepishly as the way to reply her..

After getting candle from her, I resume the mission of cooking.. I finished cooking at night 8.. I know that I took more time to cook than others because I could not cook easily with my trembling hand.. Anyway I finished it smoothly in the end.. I learned to cook in the prison.. At first I didn't know how to cook anything, then I was forced to learn it in the prison.. Prison life taught me a many things.. A sad smile came on my face from the memories of my prison life.. I quickly replaced it as happy smile with the thinking of my husband.. I entered into bathroom to take a shower while wondering why he hadn't came home yet.. I weared again that same dress as there was no other dress for me to wear after bathing..

As soon as I came out of bathroom, I saw him sitting in the bed and removing his socks..I called him and went near him with a smile..

"Hari.."

He nodded and give me a weak smile..After seeing his tired smile, I held his hand and told him,

"You are looking tired hari..Come and have dinner..Then you can take rest"

"No leka..I already had my dinner..Now I just need to take a shower" he told me in a plain tone..

Then without waiting for my reply, he took his clothes from bag which is placed on the shelve near to the bed and stormed into the bathroom quickly..I stared at the closed bathroom door for sometime and sit on the bed and looked at the cuts on my hand which I got while cooking food for him..Why he is behaving like this ??..Does he don't want to live with me?..Did he was forced to get married with me ??..Will he not accept me as his wife ??..

While thinking about all this, my left hand start to tremble..I held my trembling hand tightly with the other hand as to stop the trembling..This usually happens to me when I get tension..I cried silently as I tried to control my trembling hand..I felt his hand on my shoulder.. Even after feeling his touch, I didn't looked at him..I don't want him to see my vulnerable state..I silently tried to control my tears and trembling hand.. Unexpectedly he hugged me sidely in standing position.. My right side face was pressed against his stomach.. My tears and tremble was start to slow down as result of his embrace.. Then I heard his voice,

"Sorry leka.. Forgive me if you are crying because of me.."

He told and sit near me and held my face in his hand.. Don't he feel disgust to touch my scald cheek ??.. This is why I fall in love with him.. He is the only person who would look at my face without any pity or disgust..He wiped my tears and told me in soft tone,

"I don't like to see my wife tears.. I want to keep you always happy.. I know you lived a luxurious life and it would be hard for you to be in this house.. Sorry leka, with my salary I was only able to rent this house.. You know my sisters and brother are still studying and I have take care of their needs also.. I will try to rent a nice house as you like.. I w.."

I placed my hand on his mouth inorder to stop him from talking further and asked him with a smile,

"Hari.. Do you know how I wish to live my life ??"

He give me confused look and nodded as no.. I smiled and told him,

"I wish to live my life as your wife.. I don't want money, fame or any luxurious life.. I only want you in my life.. Please don't leave me in any situation.. I can't bear it hari.. Everything I said may sound strange to you but I don't know hari what to give you other than my love for accepting someone like me as your wife"

He took my hand from his mouth and kissed it and asked me in deep voice,

"Really you are ready to be my wife in everyway ??"

I understood the hidden meaning in his words.. I nodded as yes and looked at my hand which he was locked in his hand.. I heard his deep voice again,

"Then.. Can we take next step as husband and wife !!.."

I looked at him and held his face in my hand and placed my lips on his as to reply him.. While kissing me roughly, he laid me on the bed and hovered me.. In swift second, he removed mine and his dress.. He removed my dress little harshly.. In the way he removed my dress, I felt pain in my injured leg.. He pressed my chest and said,

"What is this ??.. Why its so small ??.. After touching it, I lost the mood to have sex.."

I felt humiliated after hearing his words.. Tears gathered in my eyes due to his insulting words.. I hugged him quickly when he tried to move away and told him in cracked tone,

"Sor..ry.. ha..ri"

He removed my hand harshly and stated angrily,

"Please leka don't touch me with your shaky hand.."

I looked at him with tear filled eyes.. Why he was insulting me like this ??.. Why he was behaving differently suddenly ??.. I heard his fuming voice again,

"Shit.. Don't you know to shave it ??.. Full of hairs.. No one will sleep with you after seeing your ugly body"

I cried and gasp in pain as he entered inside me brutally.. I bited my trembling hand not to cry loudly.. But he held my both hand in his hand tightly and start to move roughly inside me as if he wish to hear me cry.. I heard his mocking voice as he was moving fastly..

"I never thought you would be virgin"

All his insulting and mocking words piecred my heart like an arrow.. I mumbled sorry again and again for his each mocking words..