Devirginized by my ex

I admit that until now, I can't still move on from my past relationship with Kurt. It still hurts. My heart is still in pain.

Why does he need to choose another girl over me? And take note, that another girl looks like a clown. Her face is so caked with make-up. She looks like a coloring book. Does he have no taste anymore?

That Dessery is so irritating. Kurt didn't even choose a girl who can exceed my prettiness. I am so offended in that part. That girl is not worth it compares to me.

I don't really know what happened to our relationship. We were so happy then after some times, it ended suddenly. But as they said, when you are happy, there comes the sadness. It isn't always the sunset. Rain will come and darkness will fill our world without our consent. We have no choice; we cannot do anything about it. It is part of our life.

Suddenly a thought came to my mind. Maybe it was the real reason why we broke up.

"Joyce, I want you now," he said in a seductive word. Who will not be seduced with that kind of tone. With him saying that and with that kind of look.

I snaked my hands on his neck. "Kurt..." I moaned when he sucked a part of my neck. If vampire is real in this world, I can say he is one of them. Gosh, I feel so hot right now.

His hands roamed until he reached the peak of my mountains. I cannot avoid moaning when he massaged the left one. I never experienced this to anyone but him. And it feels so great. I can't help myself not to moan and moan with what is he doing.

He placed his forehead on mine and look at my eyes intently. "You are so beautiful, Joyce Clara. So beautiful," he whispered. I can feel his breath on my face and it makes me more feel hot. Without a gut, he placed his lips on mine. He sealed my lips with his lips. Yearning and thirsty for it.

The kiss goes deep and deep. My mind is like flying somewhere. My body feels like a jelly. He is such a good kisser. How can I stop myself from wanting his kisses? I guess I cannot do that. How can I be lucky to have such a boyfriend like him. Handsome and heavenly.

But when I realized that I am naked, which means that I am not wearing anything anymore, feels woke up to the reality. Yes, I am addicted to his kisses. But I think going too far isn't right. This not right. We are still young. We should not do things like this. This is not appropriate.

With my constant reaction, I pushed him. His eyes formed into a circle, shocked at my reaction.

"I'm sorry, Kurt. I can't... I can't do this," I said in a low tone and avoided his stares.

He blinked and come up to his senses. "Bullshit. F*ck," he said and grab his hair.

I watched as he quickly gets his clothes and wear it. Without any other words, he left. He didn't even bother to look at me again.

I hold the blanket and cover myself. In that position, I cry while thinking. I feel like I disappointed him. I guess that he is mad at me right now. That cannot be denied on his reaction earlier.

My phone rang. I didn't notice that it was ringing for long. I laughed softly. I am drowned again on having flashbacks. Oh, come on, Joyce, come back to the present time.

I swiped and answered it. "Why, Wi?" I asked on my friend who is on another line now.

"I miss you so much. Can we roam around together? Please," she said. I even imagine her doing puppy eyes, looking cute.

I sighed. I really want to be with her, but I can't. I am so busy right now. I have so many in my plates right now especially that I just moved on our company, to the company where my parents effort to build.

"Sorry, Wi. I have may things to do right now. Next time will do, alright?"

I heard her sigh on the other line. She says that it is fine with her, but I know that she is sad on my decision. She really wants us to roam around. Just the two of us.

"I will really make it up to you next time, Wi," I comforted. Thinking that it might lessen the sadness I cause to her.

After cutting down the line, I saw my wallpaper on the phone. Up until now, my wallpaper is my picture with Kurt. It is really hard to forget the things that happened between the two of us.

Again, my mind flew in the past. I guess it is really hard to move on.

My and Dessery the clown ways encountered. I am here now in the mall. I didn't even expect that she will come near me. She even says hello to me like nothing happened. But I know that she is faking it.

"You are the ex of my Kurty baby, right?" she asked and even smirk at me.

Argh! I am so irritated to this clown. I didn't know that there is a clown who is roaming around in the mall. Her make-up is so thick.

I just nod at her to finish this nonsense talk. I am about to go when she held my elbow, preventing me to leave.

"I will share a secret to you. This really a secret, but because I am kind, I will share it with you. I will tell you about why My Kurty baby doesn't want to be with you anymore." Then she raised her left eyebrow. "You cannot give the things he likes. You cannot provide it all. And one more thing, you are not pretty. The only thing he wants from you is your body." Then she scanned me from head to toe. "You are not even sexy. Iww. Added to that, the main reason was that he doesn't love you. He didn't even love you from the past," she continued and walked out.

She really slaps me with those words huh.

I came back to sense again when I felt my tears. They are running on my face again. I think Dessery is right in saying that words. Kurt didn't even love me while we are in a relationship. The only thing he wants from me is my body.

But, she's also wrong. Duh, she said that I am not sexy? I am so sexy. I am sexier than her. She is just a small piece of cake compared to me.

This is so frustrating. Why can't I still move on from Kurt? Why does up until now I am still in love and drowned to him? It so fucking hurts like hell.

Alright, I didn't give everything to him. I can't have intercourse with him.

Life really sucks. There is really no forever. I thought that we are fated for each other. We just met, but not fated at all. One more thing, I don't believe anymore in that fate. From the time that we broke up I really became gourd, a bitter one to be exact.

But one thing is for sure. Kurt will regret that he chose that clown over me.

"Miss Joyce, here are the files that Mr. Casupanan wants you to review." Yvet gave me the folder she is holding. Yvet is my secretary here at the company of my dad.

"Okay. You can go back to your work now," I said.

She politely goes out. I go back in working. This is so tiring but at least when I my mind is occupied to work files, I didn't think about Kurt. I cannot feel the pain.

After finishing the things, I am doing, I started to look at the files my dad wants me to review.

Time passed by and finally I am done at working. Thankfully, it's time to go home now. I want to feel the bed on my back and close my eyes. I am so tired; I want to sleep already.

I placed my things in the bag I bring in work. After that I walked towards the powder room to retouch so I can still look fresh.

While I am busy doing my things, my phone vibrates, someone is calling me. When I get it, I saw Fea's name on the screen of my phone.

Fea is my friend too, I met her in the bar. As we talk, we get along. That's why every time I am going to bar, she is my company. Vice versa, she is like that to me too.

You know that I cannot bring Klhoie with me. I know Sceven too well, he will bark like a dog if I will make Khloie go to the bar. He is so clingy with her. He always wants Khloie to be by his side. Well, I am happy for my best friend, she finally found her own prince. And I know how Sceven loves her so much.

"Why did you call, Fe?" I asked to her.

I can hear the loud sound as her background. Ah, I guess she is at the bar right now. "Let's party, Joyce!" she shouted on the other line.

I closed my eyes. "Pass, Fea. Next time."

"Hep! What pass? No way. If you will not go here, don't even bother to talk to me again. As in never," she warned.

At the end she pursued me and I agreed with her. Well, the bar doesn't sound bad right now for me.

I headed downstairs and after that, I found a taxi. I didn't bring my car with me because it is on coding.

"In Valkyrie Night Club," I said to the taxi driver as I get in.

It just takes some minutes to go there because it is just nearby.

After paying the taxi fare, I get in the bar. Thankfully, I didn't bring my bag with me. Before I headed out from the company, I thought that it is convenient if I will just leave it there.

I'm so sure that we will be drunk here. My laptop for work is inside that bag. It will just be lost here.

As I get in the loud music blasted in my ears. This is what I don't like on bars. It is too noisy.

It is deafening. If Fea just didn't pursue me to go here, I will not.

"Hello there, Missy," Fea greeted and held my hand. She pulled towards the table. "Let's party!" she shouted. Hmm. What's her problem this time? I know her too well.

We sat at the side. Oh gosh! She drunk too many alcohols already. So that is the reason why she is so hyper right now.

I sat beside her. "What's your problem?" I directly asked.

"Problem? I don't have a problem, duh," she denied and laugh. Then she pointed herself. "Me? Have a problem? Nothing!" she said while laughing, then suddenly a tear escaped her eyes.

Crazy her. I told you so, she really has a problem.

I shrugged my shoulders off and get the one bottle of beer. After that, I swallowed all the beer on it.

Fea laughed at me. "You also have a problem?"

I just nod at her.

"Oh my gosh! Don't tell me it is about that Kurt again?"

I just nod my head again. "It is so hard to move on."

"My gosh. Boys are so irritating. I so so want to wring their necks. Why do they always hurt girls?" she asked and cried again.

I sighed. "So, tell me, Fea. What is your real problem?"

"It's Troy. I caught him kissing his ex. Fucking shit. He said that I'm the only one. He told me that he doesn't love that girl anymore," she answered. I can hear the pain in her voice. Then after that, she opened another bottle of beer and drink it.

I cried with her because I get hurt from her story. "Boys are really bad. We are just loving them, then they give us pain. Do you know that Kurt changed me so fast? Argh! Added to that is that girl looks like a clown. No taste," I said with a heavy heart.

We just laughed at each other after that dramatic scene and order more alcohol with high percent. We are really planning to get wasted tonight.

We drink and drink. After that, we decided to join the dancing crowd. This will gonna be fun!

I dance like there no more tomorrow. Ah! This is lifting up my mood.

But as I dance, my eyes found a familiar face. I slap my forehead. I am hallucinating huh.

Kurt is here and staring at me. I chuckled with that thought. I am so funny. Until up here, it is always Kurt, who I see? I am so crazy. Super crazy over him.

I shrugged that thought and walked, escaping the dancing crowd. "Where is Fea?" I asked to myself while finding her.

When I didn't find her, I stop and just dance again.

I felt someone dance at my back. And when I turned around to see him, oh well! He is handsome huh. But still incomparable with my Kurt. No. There is no "my" it is just only Kurt.

He danced, so I danced too. For now, I will just think that will gonna be my last night so I'm gonna pour my all out. I will make it the most fun night.

I flinched tho when he snaked his arms on my waist. But I quickly recovered with that and just smile at him.

"Hey, beautiful," he charmingly said and sweetly smiled at me. Hmp! So playboy. I know that moves. He just wants to score with me. Sorry, but I will not let him.

I unlocked his arms on my waist. But he just makes it tighter.

My forehead creased. "Let me go," I emphasized. I am not liking the situation right now.

But instead of letting me go, he glues his self to me. He makes me feel his body to my body.

Oh damn. This is not good. I really need to escape now.

"I said let me go!" I shouted, repeating what I said earlier to him.

And no one notices us because the sound is so loud. This is so irritating.

I wiggled my body. He just makes his face near to mine. I just closed my eyes tightly because

I know that I cannot do anything anymore.

While my eyes are close, I just felt that he is not in front of me anymore. I open my eyes and find out that someone is pulling me.

I think I am really drunk. Why I am seeing Kurt pulling me?

We stopped near the comfort room. After that, he traps me with his boy and wall.

"You look like him," I said and examine his face. They look like a twin. So similar.

He is just staring at me and stayed silent.

I just laughed and sang with the tone of wrecking ball. "I came like a wrecking ball. Kurt, I can't call," I said.

I heard him laughed.

"Why are you laughing?" I grumpily asked. I sighed after that. "Do you know? You really look like the person I really love the most," I stated sadly at him.

He made his face closer to mine. "Who do you love the most?" he asked. He just whispered it, but I clearly heard it.

"My Kurt. Oops, wrong. Kurt only, he is not mine anymore. We broke up." I chuckled while tears escape my eyes. "It hurts. This is really painful here," I said while pointing to my heart.

He stops in his track, then wiped my face that is full of tears. "Shh... stop crying," he comforted.

He caressed my face after that.

I make my face closer to his face. "Can you pretend that you are my Kurt?" I pleaded.

He was about to speak when I suddenly sealed his lips with mine. Gosh. Why is it like this?

The texture of his lips is same with the Kurt I love. Why do I feel that he is the real Kurt?

After that kiss I didn't know what happened anymore because my head suddenly felt the pain. I just saw the darkness.

Tomorrow came and as I woke up my head hurts. Hangover.

I opened my eyes while holding my head. It is hurting like hell. It seems like someone is hammering it.

Argh! Why did I drink so many alcohols?

But my eyes widened when I realized that I am not in my room. Then who is the owner of this room?

I look at my clothes. My eyes widened more because of that. This is not the same clothes I was wearing last night. I know that I am wearing a dress, but now I am wearing big shirt and boxer.

I slightly slapped myself. I also pulled my hair. Stupid. Crazy. What will I do now? Did I really lose my big V?

I stand up and look at the mirror. The thing between my legs doesn't hurt tho. Does this mean that my big V is still here. I hope so. I am saving it for Kurt.

Wait... where I am? I look at my surroundings. Omo! This room is so familiar. My gosh! Don't tell me I am in Kurt's room?

I laughed to myself. For real? How will I get to his room? Wish more, Joyce. It is just the same interior.

But it really feels like it is his room. I know his room too well.

I smelled my clothes to confirm that. It really smells like him.

I sat on the bed again. It is so impossible for me to get to his room.

While thinking, the door opens. I landed my eyes on it and a man enters. "Kurt," I mumbled.

He is holding a tray with food on it.

"You're awake now," he coldly said.

"Ah, Kurt. How did I end up here in your room?" I asked shyly.

He smirked at me. "You can't remember?"

I shake my head as an answer.

"You kissed me then suddenly you fell asleep."

My eyes formed big. "You are that guy? I thought that you just look like him," I said while sweat is forming on my forehead. It is so embarrassing. The atmosphere became more awkward.

He nods his head. "Now, eat. There is also a medicine for your headache. Drink that after eating." Then he left me.

I pulled my hair and lay on the bed. "You are so embarrassing, Joyce Clara!"

I am eating the food when the door opened again that cause me to stop eating. It is him who is intently looking at me now. I avoided his gaze, while he faked a cough.

He entered the comfort room inside is room. I just continue eating. It is so yummy. Who cooked it? Him?

I smiled because of that. He still cares for me huh. I know and I am sure of that.

When I'm done eating, I drink the fresh juice and get the medicine to make this headache vanish.

I rest for a bit and after that I decided to wash my plate.

As I am washing, I remember something. Does Kurt change my clothes? Oh my gosh!

Wait, why I am smiling widely with that? Am I really insane?

After that, I go back inside his room to get my phone and dress.

At exactly entering his room, he is heading out from the bathroom. He is topless now. The water is dripping over his body. His abs are shining right now. And his muscles are bulky, I want to pinch it. Where is the justice? Why he is so hot?

The room suddenly get hot even tho it is air conditioned. I simply fanned myself.

"Done staring at my body?" he asked and smirked at me. He is teasing me and looks like having fun.

I avoided his gaze again and faked a cough. "Ehem." I look at other direction and speaks. "For your information, I am not staring at your body. Duh. You are not even hot," I lied. Okay. I am so bad. I'm a liar. Because the truth is he is really hot!

I heard his steps. I flinched when I felt his breath on my ear. "Really?" he seductively asked.

I faced him. How many times my eyes widened in shock? The space between us is only an inch. I gulped. "For real," I answered.

"If you say so," he muttered and held my waist. "You're not good at lying, Joyce Clara." Then he smirked again.

I pushed him slightly so that we can have more space between us. But that's just so nonsense.

He didn't even move out from his place.

"I'm not lying," I sternly said. This is suffocating. We are sticked to each other and I can feel his abs on my body. And I can clearly see his muscles. I know that my face looks like a tomato now.

He moves even closer to me. My reflexes tell me to move, but he just made me closer to him again as he is holding my waist.

"I'm not hot? Really, Joyce Clara?" he repeated and raised his one eyebrow.

I pretended that I didn't hear what he said. "Anyway, where is my phone and dress?" I changed the topic. I cannot breathe properly anymore to our previous topic.

"And now you are changing the topic. Answer my question first."

Because we are so close to each other, I can smell his breath and it is so fresh.

"Fine. Yes, you are hot! Okay?" I pushed him after that and finally, he moved.

I pouted and sat on his bed after that. Just then I focused not on his top, but to his bottom.

He is just only wearing a towel. I gulped with that sigh. I imagined so many things already.

I shake my head and diverted my attention. "Can you tell me now where in my phone and dress?"

He put is one hand on his waist. "Your phone is in my drawer and your dress is in my closet. By the way, don't reply to that assh*le. Is he making a move to you?"

I raised my one eyebrow. Assh*le who? Who is he pertaining to?

He noticed my facial expression. "That Klei," he clarified.

I pursed my lips to stop myself from laughing. "Klei? Are you crazy?" Then I laughed. I just shake

my head on him and stand up to get my phone and dress.

He stays still in his place and just watch me.

I checked if there is really a text.

"Where did you go?" That was Fea.

After that I opened my Daddy's message. He is asking where I am. I'm late to work.

Then I decided to open Klei's message. It was just an hour ago.

"Hey! Do you want to stroll tonight?" he asked.

I was about to type a reply to him when my phone suddenly vanished away from my hands.

"Didn't I told you that don't reply to that boy?" he asked irritatingly.

I faced him and throw a dragger look. After that I get my phone form him. I walked towards the comfort room and lock myself there.

I wear my dress back. But before I go outside, I replied to Klei. I answered that I want to stroll tonight. So that I can have a fresh mind.

I am so sure that Fea and Troy are in good terms now. While Khloie is not available to go outside with me. Sceven doesn't like her to get out of his sight. And she may be busy to Stanley, their child.

When I get out, I am planning to say I'm leaving to Kurt. But I heard him talking to someone on the phone.

"Of course, Babe. Yeah. I will see you later," he said while there is a smile on his face.

I smiled bitterly with that. Right. He is in a relationship. He has a girlfriend already. And I am not that.

I am crying while walking outside. Why the world making me feel this psin? Eight months already passed, but I'm still here. I still cannot move on. I still cannot believe the truth that I am not his anymore.

When night came, Klei fetched me.

We are inside of his car now. It is silent. The only thing that making a sound is the music from the stereo.

After some minutes, we reached our destination. I smiled when I saw it. Ah, I am so lucky to have him as a friend.

Thankfully, he really knows what will make me happy.

We walked towards the street vendors. The foods make me hungry. There are quail eggs, fishball, ballot, and barbecue.

"You look so happy huh," he muttered.

I look at him while smiling. "You're the best," I said and gave him a thumbs up.

He just pinched my nose and lead me to the vendor of barbecue. He ordered intestine, feet, and legs of chicken. Also, betamax, hotdog, and pork. As well as buko juice for drink.

It takes fifteen minutes to get all that be cooked. There are small tables here and we sat there to start eating our food.

I am busy chewing when I stop. "Why?" I asked on him because he is intently staring at me.

He shakes his head and start to dig in his food. Sometimes, Klei is weird.

I just shrugged my shoulders off and eat all my faves.

"Slow down. You might get choked," he warned.

I stared at him and pout. "This is so yummy."

He gets a tissue and move closer to me. I get curious about what will he do. I was about to ask him about that when the tissue touched the side of my lips.

"You have sauce," he said.

I get quiet while he is still rubbing the tissue on the side of my lips. He is just intently staring there.

Awkward.

"Ehem," I said. "Let's go back to eating. I'm still hungry," I continued and faked a laugh.

"Did you enjoy?" he suddenly asked.

I smile widely at him. "Super!" I answered in a joyous tone and eat some quail egg. Yummy!

He smiled at me too. "You know what? You look more beautiful when you are smiling."

"I know that I am beautiful even if I am not smiling duh," I joked.

"For real. I will not deny that fact," he said.

"Why can't you deny that?" I asked while still eating.

"Because that's the truth. You are really beautiful," he said in a low tone.

I stop on my track. Okay. Sometimes Klei is really honest. "You are spoiling me so much," I said and laughed. "I though you said that I am ugly?"

Back when we are in outing, he always said that I am ugly. I am just surprised that he is telling me now that I am beautiful.

After we stroll slash food trip, he takes me home.

"Good night," he said while smiling at me.

I hugged him tightly. "Thank you so much, Klei. You made my night so happy."

He chuckled with what I said. "I might get out of breath with your hug. So tight," he joked.

I moved and slap him in his arms. "Duh! Go home now. Text me when you reach your house, okay?"

"Yes, Ma'am." He even saluted to me.

I wave my hands. I just watch him go away.

As I enter our house, smile can't be fade away. I am really thankful to have a friend who is ready to make me happy.

I am so glad because in the morning I am crying like a baby because of Kurt. And now I can't even erase the smile on my face because of Klei ad foods hihi.

I walked towards my room and take a shower before diving on my bed.

When tomorrow came I became busy in the office. Daddy makes me do so many things. I need to submit it later to him.

I also heard that there will be a merging. It is between the company of Casupanan and Martinez.

Ahm... I hope that it is not Kurt's company. Besides, there are so many Martinez in this world.

When lunch time came, I headed outside the building and decided to go to the near café. I am not in the food to eat proper meal right now. I want to eat some sweets like cake and drink some coffee.

I ordered an oreo cheese cake and cappuccino. I sat at the table and roam my eyes around the facility. There are so many quotes written on the wall.

I stop at one quote. "Let go of the pass and be happy."

I smiled bitterly with that. Looks like that quote is for me.

After eating there, I go back to the office to continue my work. I need to finish it all.

Time passed and finally I'm done. I commanded Yvet to pass that to my dad. Then I fixed all my things and walks towards the parking lot.

I get in my car and decided to go to the mall. I will buy gift for Stanley. His baptism is approaching. And of course, I am one of the godmothers.

After buying gifts for him, my tummy growl. I headed to one of the famous fast foods. I don't like to eat a social class restaurant now.

I am busy digging my food when my eyes reached two people. They are holding each other hand and smiling. It was Kurt and Dessery the clown. Her make up is so thick, just like her face.

I irritatingly look back at my food. Maybe I should really try the quote in the café earlier. Let go of the pass and be happy. I really need to do that.

Maybe it's time for me to really move on. Kurt is not the only man here in this world. I will move on. Maybe it will be really too hard, but I know that when days or months passed by, I can finally move on from him. I can finally accept the fact.

I cannot deny now that I am still feeling the pain because it is still fresh for me.

The worst feeling in this world is being hurt by someone you love. I hope I can unloved him. I wish that I can truly let go of the pass.