Deny Thyself

Evlyn! What happened to you?" Callie asked. Evlyn stood in the kitchen's doorway, red tomato soup dripping from her white apron. "The world would have been better off if God had skipped the creating of men and jumped straight to females." She muttered, snatching up a wet cloth to sponge her apron. The soup smeared into a large puckish colored stain.

"But he didn't, " Callie reminded softly, "because he knew it wasn't good for man or woman to continue alone. I am thankful every day for my dear Benjamin. He is a blessing to me. What has you in such a sore mood anyways?" Callie helped Evlyn take her apron off then she put it in the bag for dirty towels.

"A man yelled at me because his soup was cold. I told him I would bring him a new bowl right away but he dumped his bowl on me and left. He didn't even pay for the iced tea he drank!" Evlyn sat down on a stool in the corner of the kitchen. "I am so tired of this life. I try so hard, why does everything go badly for me all the time?" She rested her head in her hands.

Rosa shook her head in disgust. "It's just soup on an apron. It will come clean. No reason to be depressed."

Callie wrapped an arm around Evlyn's shoulders giving her a small hug. "Think of all your blessings. You're free from your father, you have a paying job-"

Rosa snorted. "That's all she can say about this job. We take more abuse then its worth."

"You live in a nice place. " Callie continued, ignoring Rosa's outburst. "And you have two friends who care about you a lot."

Evlyn tilted her head towards Callie and gave her a small smile. "I shouldn't complain. I am sorry. You're right; there are more important things then a bowl of soup."

"Now she's seeing the light!" Rosa declared rather loudly. "Now, can you get back to the tables before you have to scratch 'paying job' off the blessing list?"

Evlyn straightened. Tossing Rosa a salute, she turned on her heel and took a tray out to table number three.

The three friends worked together in a small diner. The town's mayor owned the diner. It was a small, rather run-down affair, but as the only food-serving establishment in the town, it received a fair amount of business. The business usually came from bachelors who despised cooking for themselves or from folks passing through.

Evlyn tucked a tip in her pocket and carried the empty dishes back to the kitchen. She was surprised to find the diner's owner, Mr. Abner Manass, sitting at the small table a large piece of pie in front of him. "Well, gals." He said around a large bite of pie. "I come 'ta tell 'ya that yer pay is goin' down again. Sorry, but I gots 'ta do it."

"Mr. Manass, don't try to tell us we haven't been busy!" Rosa protested. "We're running ourselves ragged trying to serve all the customers every day!"

"Don't argue with me, gal. I'll haf 'ta fire 'ya." Mr. Manass warned a sulky Rosa. "I see the income an believe me, food ain't sellin' no good. That's all I gotta say." Pushing back from his chair, Mr. Manass left the kitchen letting the door slam behind him.

"Oohh! He makes me so mad!" Rosa exclaimed, dropping his dishes into the sink with a loud clattering sound.

"Calm down, Rosa. We should give him the benefit of the doubt. It has to be difficult to be a mayor and own a business." Callie said trying to soothe her friend.

"We're barely making anything as it is!" Rosa protested.

"She's right, Callie." Evlyn said. "We put up with a lot. Between the awful customers, putting up with him and the terrible pay it's a miracle we haven't lost our minds. If there was some other decent place for a woman to work, believe me, I would leave the diner."

"I agree with Evlyn. The only good thing this job ever gave us was a free meal at lunch." Rosa said crossing her arms.

"I agree." Callie conceded. "But many people have much less than we do. We must be thankful for what we have, even if we do think if it is a thankless job."

Rosa smiled at Evlyn. "Whatever would we do without her calming words and sweet disposition?"

Evlyn shook her head. "I don't know. I feel ashamed at my outburst. At least we have a warm bed and food every day. I remember when I was growing up; a family lived across the field from us. The husband was a widower. He was shiftless. He had thirteen children; and they barely had enough to eat. Momma used to bake extra for them on her baking day."

"That's terrible." Callie said. Her expressive brown eyes revealed her distress.

"Whatever happened to those poor children?" Rosa asked as she washed Mr. Manass' dishes.

"The owner of the mercantile offered the oldest boy work. After that, the older children hired themselves out as farm hands or household help. They moved away after their father died. I haven't heard of them since."

"One thing is for sure, as long as we have each other we will be blessed; even if we do have the worst job in all of America!" Rosa declared with a fond smile at her two best friends.

Evlyn was surprised to see tears streaming down Callie's pale cheeks. "Callie! What is it?"

Callie embraced Evlyn. "I'm going to miss you so much!" She sniffled into Evlyn's hair.

Evlyn pulled back, holding Callie at arm's length. "Miss me? Callie, what do you mean? Oh, Callie!" Evlyn gasped. "You can't mean that you're-you're dying!"

Despite her tears, Callie managed a giggle. "No, dear Evlyn. Benjamin and I are leaving. We're going west. President Polk has confirmed that there is gold in California and Benjamin wants to try his hand at gold mining. We have to leave with the wagon train in two days."

"Callie, why didn't you tell us sooner?" Rosa demanded.

"I didn't want our last weeks to be spent in tears and sadness." Callie stepped away from Evlyn and sat down at the table. "I'm sorry. I suppose I should have told you sooner. I just wanted to remember our last days together the way we've always been."

"Maybe you had it wrong, Callie. Maybe we would've rejoiced at your leaving." Rosa grinned.

"Rosa, you're harsh!" Callie laughed.

"Hey!" A man's voice yelled from the dining room. "What's a man gotta do to get some grub around this place?"

"Coming!" Evlyn called. "Callie, I am very sad that you're leaving. Nevertheless, I think that you will have a grand adventure going to California. Who knows? You may strike it rich!"

"If you do, send some back for me so I can retire!" Rosa laughed.

Evlyn hurried back to work. She was distracted the rest of the day. Callie had been her friend since she moved to this town a year ago. It wasn't long enough. She wanted more time with her dear friend. Why did everything thing she became attached to disappear? Why did everyone she ever loved end up hurting her? Why had she been so stupid to try again with people? She was meant to be alone in life. She was strong she could make it. She was making it. Just look at her now. She did not need her father; didn't need his abusive ways and demeaning words. She was making it just fine on her own. Just fine.

"How many wagons do we have?" Wagon master, Tyrone Gurtslinger asked his assistant.

"Eight so far. We still have a couple days though."

"Eight is a good number. If you get too many wagons there's trouble, get too few and you have trouble." Gurtslinger said. "You did well on the last couple runs. Planning on making this your life?"

"If you'd asked me that a couple years ago I would've agreed right away." Peter shook his head. "But now I'm not so sure. Rambling is good for a time but now I want to settle down. Maybe take up ranching like my grandpa."

Gurtslinger nodded. "I know what you mean. It's been hard on my wife. I've been dragging her everywhere for the last six years. She hasn't complained but I think she grew weary of this life a month after we married.

Sometimes I think I never shoulda married. Either that or gave up the trains." Gurtslinger sighed and ran a hand through his graying hair. "I've been thinking about retiring. I was planning on making this my last train." He eyed the tall man before him. "I was gonna hand it over to you, if you wanted it."

Peter was filled his pride at his mentor's words. "Thanks, Tyrone. You don't know how much that offer means to me."

Gurtslinger slapped Peter on the back. "I do. I felt the same way when they handed the train over to me. Only thing was, I was stupid enough to accept it." He turned and lumbered across the street to the ramshackle mercantile. This town sure knew how to keep its buildings looking nice. Most of the buildings had no paint, which was fine in most cases, but besides paint, they had no windows. Most of the boardwalks were rotting in several places. It was unsafe to walk in this town. The street was a large mud hole just waiting for some hogs to come and take their leisure. The whole town just had an unappealing look to it; and it stank.

"Stocking up on ammunition in case we have trouble with the Syrins gang again?" Peter asked him as they sidestepped dangerous parts of the sidewalk.

"I think we have enough; unless you plan to go trigger-happy before they call on us." Gurtslinger said with a sly glance at his somewhat unpredictable friend.

"I don't use my gun lightly, Tyrone." Peter reminded him. "You should know me better than that."

Gurtslinger shook his head as he entered the mercantile. "And you should learn how to take some teasing, boy." He sighed and turned to face Peter. "You're right though. The Syrins gang is dangerous. They steal you blind; kill as many animals of yours as they can. Burn the trains. In some cases, they take hostages. We do need to be very careful. So far we've been fortunate."

"I've only seen their work once. And I'm not eager to witness it again." Peter said with a shudder as he thought about the needless killing that had occurred in that instance.

"We'll have to be especially careful with such a small train. We'll be viewed as easy pickings if they come across us."

Evlyn waited while Rosa locked the diner's door up for the night. "I never understand why we need to lock the door when the building doesn't even have windows." She commented as Rosa stuffed the large brass key in her handbag.

"I suppose it makes the Mr. Manass feel safe and cozy. Come on, let's get home. I'm beat." Evlyn and Rosa walked the short distance to the room they shared at the boarding house. The days were just beginning to get warmer. The sun stayed out longer. Early spring flowers were starting to bloom in the muddy town.

"I wish I were going with Callie and Benjamin." Evlyn commented. "Just think of the beautiful land between here and California."

"Beautiful land?" Rosa laughed. "Think of the bugs, the heat, and lack of water; long days and short nights-."

"Okay! Okay! I get your message." Evlyn said as they entered their small room. The room held one double bed, a closet, and a chair. It wasn't much but it was satisfying for the price. "It's hard to be happy with what you have when you're heart longs for something more."

"Evlyn, do you know how many people never make it to their destination. On the wagon train Callie's taking probably three out of ten will die during the journey."

"Rosa! Don't say that." Evlyn pleaded. "Callie and Benjamin will make it to California safely. And who knows, maybe they'll have an addition to their family before the trip is over."

Rosa sat down on the bed and pulled her boots off. In this town, wearing knee-high boots was a requirement if you didn't like mud on your feet. "Callie's in the family way?"

"According to Doc she is." Evlyn said as she hung up her dress and pulled her nightgown over her head. Rosa unbuttoned her dress and hung it next to Evlyn's. Silence filled the small room while the girls went about their evening routine.

"Do you miss your father?" Rosa finally asked softly as Evlyn pulled down the blankets on the bed. Evlyn got into the bed and pulled the covers over her as she thought about her father. "I don't know." She paused as she thought of how life had been with her father. "He hurt me, Rosa. Hit me until I was senseless. I pray for him. I wish he were different. But I don't miss my life with him."

"It's okay." Rosa assured her as she climbed into the bed. "I shouldn't have asked. I just wondered where you stood with your father."

"My mother would still be alive if it weren't for him." Evlyn said in a barely audible whisper. "I would've had a little sister." A tear slid down her cheek as she thought of the life that could have been hers. No. She did not miss life with the man who took everything from her. She had barely escaped with her life. Injured in heart and body she made her way to the town she now resided in. That was a year ago.

"Evlyn?" Whispered Rosa.

"Yes?" Evlyn replied in a shaky voice.

"I know you don't take to most people because of what he did to you, but I want you to know that I am glad you are my friend and a part of my life."

"Thanks, Rosa. I feel the same way about you and Callie. You're like the family I couldn't have." Evlyn whispered. She was very thankful for her two best friends. They helped her when she had no one. They pushed their way past her defenses and befriended her. They were true and good friends. She would be forever grateful to them.

A/N- THANKS FOR CHECKING OUT MY STORY! IF YOU LIKED IT PLEASE VOTE!

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Hurry Rosa. We'll be late to work if we don't leave right away." Evlyn called as she pinned an escaping curl back into place.

"Okay. Let's go." Rosa said snatching her apron off the back of the chair as she hurried out the door. Evlyn pulled the door shut and followed Rosa down the stairs. "Callie's going to be there before we are and she has further to go!"

"I'm sorry I overslept." Evlyn apologized for the zillionth time. "Tired as I was, I couldn't fall asleep until late."

"Look there!" Rosa called pointing to a large sign on the door of the diner. "What is that?" They quickened their pace to join Callie who was standing at the door reading the sign. Huge block letters read:

DINER

OUT OF BUISNESS

-Mayor Manass

"Out of business!" Rosa exclaimed. "How dare he go out of business and not tell us!"

"He did." Callie said. "By way of this sign."

Evlyn felt as though her world were tumbling down around her. Since she came to town a year ago she made this thankless job her life. She didn't even have a pat on the back to show for it. All she had now were her friends. She would lose one when Callie left with the wagon train. "What will we do now?" Evlyn wondered aloud.

Rosa snorted angrily. "If you're desperate enough you'll tear the sleeves off your dress, unbutton it to down to here and go over to the saloon. What else is there to do in this town?"

"Nothing." Evlyn murmured brokenly. "I went through this a year ago before he offered me work at the diner. Oh, how I wish we had enough funds to open our diner."

Callie shook her head sadly. "That's impossible."

"Never mind that!" Rosa declared with a bright smile. "I have our problem solved, Evlyn."

"You have?"

"Yes! We're joining as Callie and Benjamin's family and going west."

"West!" Evlyn repeated in complete shock. After last night's conversation, she had never assumed Rosa would come up with such an idea as that.

"That's wonderful!" Callie cried clapping her hands in delight.

"I'm glad 'ya find my sign such happy news. I was 'fraid ya'd throw a fuss and sech." Mr. Manass said. The girls turned to find the mayor standing behind them. Dried cheese caught in his beard; his hands were in the pockets of his filthy jeans.

"We're well rid of the place." Rosa informed the mayor firmly. "In fact, we are going West with the wagon train tomorrow."

"Tomorra, 'ya say." Mr. Manass nodded. "Well, I hope ya'll make it alive." He turned and sauntered down the sidewalk.

"Let's hurry." Callie urged, her beautiful brown eyes gleaming with excitement. "We have so much to do so you're ready to leave with us tomorrow!" The first thing on the girl's list was to get permission from Benjamin, Callie's giant of a husband. While Callie was dainty, fair and angel- like in appearance; her husband was six-foot six and had hair as black as night. Two people could never be so different. Nor so much the same. Benjamin was the gentlest man since the turn of the century. Soft mannered and a pleasant expression forever on his face, he and Callie made the perfect couple. Since the time Evlyn had met him, she had never seen either him or Callie raise their voice or become provoked. Meek and mild is a very apt description for this affectionate couple.

Benjamin rubbed his jaw as he considered the girls petition. "Single women aren't allowed on a wagon train unless under the protection of their father." He gently reminded them.

"We know." Evlyn assured him. "But the train is a small one, and we want to join you and Callie. Wouldn't the master allow you to put us under the protection of your family?"

"I don't know. I haven't heard of any exceptions. If you were to marry..." Benjamin trailed off eyeing Evlyn.

"No." She shook her head firmly. "I won't marry to be permitted on a wagon train. If you can't agree to protect us then I'll just stay here."

Benjamin looked at his wife. "The wagon train is probably safer for single women then this town is." Finally, he nodded. "Alright. I'll speak to the wagon master about it. If he agrees, you girls should pack light and share our wagon. I'll sleep underneath the wagon. Agreed?"

"Agreed." Evlyn said shaking his hand as a mutual sign.

"The only way we can pack is light." Rosa assured him. "We haven't much to take besides ourselves."

Callie smiled and couldn't help but wrapping her arms around her husband in a hug. "Will you ask the wagon master now please?"

Benjamin nodded. "Right now." He said dropping a kiss to her forehead.

"This will make the trip so much more enjoyable!" Callie rejoiced. "What could be better than going west with my husband and my best friends?"

Evlyn smiled fondly at her friend. "Add a little one to that list and your joy will be complete."

Callie blushed as she dropped a hand to rest on her slightly rounded stomach. "Perfect and complete." She agreed. "Come. Let's go and pack your things." The girls hurried back to the boardinghouse, each praying that the wagon master would show mercy and allow them to join under the protection of Benjamin.

Peter stood nearby as Benjamin Wyss spoke with Gurtslinger. Wyss' request didn't seem unreasonable. He would take responsibility for the girls and if they followed the rules and behaved, everything would be fine. Peter felt a tinge of pleasure when his boss said the girls could come as long as they didn't cause any trouble. If they did, they'd be dropped off at the first town they come too.

Peter liked to think of Tyrone Gurtslinger as a reasonable man. He was tough but kind. He also knew what you were capable of and expected no less. That was an important part of a wagon train. One man could not be responsible alone. To make it work, every family had to work with the other families and each had to pull their own weight. By the end of the journey, it was often a sad affair. Everyone was reluctant to part with his or her newly acquired family. That's what a wagon

Train became like after traveling so long and through so many problems and joys, a family.

Peter loved working with the train and he hated it. It was hard. Many who started with dreams of California ended buried alongside the trail, their dreams long gone. He hoped no illnesses or accidents saddened this trip. And he prayed the Syrins gang stayed as far away from the wagon train as physically possible.

The sun rose as the groggy but excited families began the long journey to California. The oxen pulled wagons left the confines of the muddy town and ventured toward the great unknown. Peter rode on horseback alongside the wagons. He waved occasionally to the excited families, all the while keeping an eye out for any problems or potential mishaps.

Two thousand miles was a long ride, it wasn't long before excited womenfolk, and children abandoned the stuffy wagons and took to walking on the trail. Most of them stuck together, conversing as they walked about their dreams of California and their families. Children ran ahead of their mothers, meeting with other children who became fast friends.

Smiling with satisfaction at the excited group, Peter looked behind him and his eyes landed on a single young woman walking amongst a group. Her blonde hair was pulled back neatly, though the curls evidently resisted. Her bonnet swung with her steps from its place on her back. The cornflower blue dress she wore highlighted her eyes that sparkled as she laughed with

The women she walked with. Peter dropped back a bit, turning his horse slightly so he could observe her with better ease. Something about the young woman struck him as very familiar, though he couldn't place the feeling.

When she turned her head slightly and her eyes met his, Peter knew he had to discover whom this woman was. She seemed so familiar and yet a stranger. Peter smiled and tipped his hat at the women. "Mornin'. Enjoying the trail so far?"

"Oh yes!" The women chorused with excitement.

The blue-eyed woman giggled. "This is proving to be an enlightening experience. One of the men explained to me the fine art of driving oxen."

Peter cocked a brow, delighting in the sweetness of her voice. "Do tell." He invited with a smile.

"Well, " The woman hesitated for a second before continuing. "He said that you walk on the left side. You have to yell "Gee" to turn left, and "Haw" to turn right. "Git-up" makes them go forward and "Whoa " stops them. He said that sometimes you have emphasize the words with a snapping whip and occasional swear words."

Peter broke out into laughter as the women tittered. "Well, now we know who can drive the wagons if the men wear out." He grinned at the blue eyed- woman, "Though I do imagine you would find a more convincing way to urge the teams on then by swearing."

The woman smiled back. "I dare say we would. Though I hope I won't have to drive oxen anytime soon."

"I'll try to prevent that for you." Peter tipped his hat to the ladies. "See you around." He turned and trotted up towards Gurtslinger's horse leaving the happy females to their own conversations. "Tyrone. Can you identify that woman wearing the blue dress? The one with the blonde hair?"

Gurtslinger turned in his saddle and squinted back at the women. "Do you think I have eyes like an eagle, boy?"

"The one walking by the red-headed lady." Peter persisted determined that he must know the blue eyed woman's name.

Gurtslinger looked back again and focused on the female of Peter's choice. "I could be wrong but it looks like one of the women under Benjamin Wyss protection. Riebe, I think her name was Emily Riebe. Or maybe it was Evlyn Riebe." The older man shrugged. "It was something like that." He narrowed his eyes at the woman in question. "Why? Has she done something wrong?"

Peter looked back at the woman. "Riebe." He repeated. "No wonder she seemed familiar." He looked back at his boss. "No, she looked familiar. Evlyn Riebe. I knew her back in my hometown. After my ma passed away, Mrs. Riebe would bring baked goods and stews over to us. They were real kind folk, excepting for her Pa. He was a tough one." He shook his head in wonder as he

Looked back at Evlyn. "I haven't seen her in a long time. She sure grew up."

Gurtslinger looked back at the woman again. "I suppose. To be honest I'm partial to my own wife." He grinned. "Now there's a nice-looking woman!"

Peter nodded without hearing Gurtslinger's words. "I'll see you at noon." He said as he went back to work.

Tyrone Gurtslinger shook his head, amused by Peter's words and actions. "Well, it took a while, " He said to his horse. "But I think a female finally turned Mr. McCain's head. One thing is for sure and certain. This wagon train will be one you don't forget soon."

The sun rose to the center of the sky, and the travelers stopped for the noon meal and a brief rest. So far, everything was as it should be. No major troubles had arisen yet and for that, Peter was thankful. However, he was not fooled. This was the first day. Everybody was fresh and eager. They hadn't had to bury loved ones, deal with aching bones, eat cold beans, endure wet chilling nights, or leave family heirlooms alongside the trail to lighten the animals load.

An air of excitement filled the air as the ladies prepared the first meal they would eat on the trail. Scents of biscuits and bacon filled the air. By the middle of the journey, they wouldn't be eating anything that extravagant, but for the first few meals it could be expected. Peter sat on the grass beside Gurtslinger and his wife while he ate his noon meal.

Mrs. Gurtslinger was a medium sized woman with brown eyes and mousey brown hair. She had a big heart and enjoyed playing mother hen to all the ladies and children on the wagon train. Though she was weary of traveling, she always wore a smile and dished up the men large helpings of food. Whether it is cold beans and dry biscuits or ham and hot cakes, she never complained. Neither did Gurtslinger. He knew a good thing when he saw it, and Mrs. Linda Gurtslinger was a good thing.

Gurtslinger and his wife conversed during their meal but Peter didn't pay much attention. His mind was on other things. Other people. There she was! She had a bucket and was headed for the river. Setting his tin plate aside, Peter stood up and stretched. "Dinner was good as usual." He complimented Mrs. Gurtslinger.

She smiled at him. "Glad you enjoyed it. What are you doing?" She asked as he started rummaging in the wagon.

He withdrew his head and hand. In his hand was a fishing pole. "Thought I'd do a little fishing. See you later!"

"Be back in twenty minutes or we leave without you!" Gurtslinger called after him.

"Now why do you suppose he'd go fishing in the middle of the day? He's never done that before." Linda commented to her husband.

"Yeah, well. We're gonna be seeing him do a bunch of stuff he's never done before." Gurtslinger said as he reached for his tin cup of coffee.

"Why do you figure that?" His wife asked.

"Mr. Peter McCain isn't fishing for fish. He's following Miss Riebe down to the river." He smiled at his wife. "An accidental run in, if you recall from our courting days."

She laughed and patted his cheek. "Oh, yes. I could never forget."

Peter ran down to the river with his fishing pole. He got there just a few seconds after Evlyn did.

"Afternoon." He greeted her. He sat down on a rock and tossed his line into the river. "Nice day for some fishing."

Evlyn glanced up at the sky. "It is at that." She agreed. She eyed his pole curiously. "Do you fish a lot?"

Peter nodded. "Quite a bit. There was a time fish was the only thing I ate."

Evlyn nodded, still looking at his pole in an odd way. "Then you must be pretty good at fishing. Do you often catch a lot?"

Peter tossed her a lazy grin. "Why all the questions? Are you going to take up fishing?"

Evlyn shook her head. "Not today. I have dishes that need to be washed." She picked up her bucket and turned back towards the wagons.

"I remember you."

Peter's softly spoken words stopped her in her tracks. It was several seconds before she turned around. A silent panic was revealed in her eyes. "Remember me? How can that be when I don't know who you are and you don't know me?"

"I remember you." Peter repeated. He laid his fishing pole beside him and propped his elbows on his knees. "Evlyn Riebe. Only child of Mr. and Mrs. Russell Riebe." He tilted his head to look at her. "You don't know me?" He questioned.

Evlyn shook her head. Her teeth were worrying her bottom lip. "Should I?" She whispered.

Peter rose to his feet and extended his hand. He was mildly surprised when Evlyn flinched. She took two small steps away from him. "My name is Peter McCain. I am the third eldest of the thirteen children. My family used to have a cabin near your families."

Evlyn nodded and gave him a hesitant smile. "Luke, James, and Peter." She said naming the three eldest children.

"You remember." Peter said, somewhat surprised.

"I remember your family." Evlyn assured him. "I used to help Mama bake things for you."

Peter nodded. He was thrilled that she remembered and that he could talk with a person from his past. She was the first familiar face he had seen in several years. "How's your mama?"

Evlyn glanced down at the ground. She chewed her bottom lip for several seconds before making a reply. Finally she said, "She met with an unfortunate event, and she's no longer with us."

"Unfortunate event?" Evlyn looked so troubled by the mention of her mother that Peter hated to ask. However, he had to know what happened to the delightful woman who had treated him like a son for so many years. "Evlyn, what happened to your mama?"

Evlyn brushed hastily at her face. Was she wiping at a tear? "She was killed."

Peter studied Evlyn for several seconds. He knew enough of the Riebe family to know that Mr. Riebe was not a gentle or kind man. He had seen the kind of problems Mr. Riebe had often brought to his family; but to kill his own wife. Peter struggled to remember all that he could about Mr. Riebe. Could he have done it? "Evlyn." His eyes locked onto hers as he tried to convey his sorrow and concern. "Was it your father?"

For a second he thought she would deny it. Then she nodded her head and wrapped her arms around her body. Hugging herself obviously brought her a measure of comfort. "Did you leave home because of your father?"

"I don't regret it." Her voice shook, when she looked up at him her eyes were red, tears were streaming down her face. "If I had stayed I would've had the same fate as my mother. He didn't care about my mama and little sister. He didn't care about me." She completely lost her composure. Her throat tightened, choking off her words. Her shoulders continued to shake uncontrollably as great sobs racked her body.

"Evlyn." Peter pulled her close to him, wrapping her in a hug of love and comfort. "I'm sorry. Evlyn, I'm sorry." He whispered as his hand cradled the back of her head. Suddenly, Evlyn jerked away from him.

"Don't touch me!" She shouted. "Nobody touches me! Ever!" Turning she stumbled on the path and fell.

"Evlyn! Wait!" Peter called. He ran after her, but she jumped up and ran back to the camp leaving her bucket beside Peter.

Peter sat on the ground beside his fishing pole and Evlyn's bucket of water. He shouldn't have questioned her about her family. Evidently, Evlyn hadn't recovered from her mother's death or her father's actions. Nobody ever touches her? Peter pursed his lips thinking of her words and trying to understand the emotions behind them. He had a feeling that she had a problem with men. Touching her, especially since he was a man, had been a very bad idea. Even though his intentions had been good, he caused her to panic. She was still suffering from the scars her father had left on her heart and body.

A/N- THANKS FOR CHECKING OUT MY STORY! IF YOU LIKED IT PLEASE VOTE!

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ALSO, IF YOU HAVE A HISTORICAL ROMANCE YOU WANT ME TO CHECK OUT, TELL ME THE TITLE IN A COMMENT AND I"D BE GLAD TO TAKE A LOOK!

I LOVE HISTORICAL ROMANCES! ALWAYS LOOKING FOR ANOTHER GOOD ONE!

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HAVE A GREAT DAY<

Evlyn ran back to the wagon. Rosa was waiting by the fire with her hands planted firmly on her hips. "Where is the water?" She demanded harshly. "It took you long enough and you didn't even bring the water? Wait. Don't tell me, you lost the bucket."

"Jump in a lake." Evlyn muttered as she climbed into the wagon. Sitting down she pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapped her arms around them, and began to rock.

"Evlyn?" Callie called softly. Her head appeared in the wagon as she climbed up. "Evlyn, you've been crying." She moved closer and wrapped her arms around her in a hug. "What's wrong, honey? What's upset you?"

Evlyn sniffled and held onto Callie as if she was a lifeline. "Peter McCain."

"The trail guides assistant?"

"Yes. He came to the river. To fish he said; but he didn't even have bait. He knew my family in my hometown. He started asking me about my mother and my father. He asked me if my father killed my mother!" Evlyn burst into tears again. "It's not fair!" She cried. "All I ever wanted was a loving family. Why does everyone except me get one?"

"I know, I know." Callie rubbed the back of Evlyn's head as she held her. "Evlyn, I don't need to tell you that you have endured a great deal. But, honey, there are benefits." She pulled back so she could look Evlyn in the eyes. "The relationships that you have mean a lot to you. When you have a friendship with someone, Evlyn, you hold on to that person. You put all your hope in them. You are a very loyal friend. And I know it is because of your suffering. I know you still have a problem with men, but honey, someday you are going to meet someone who works his way past your defenses and shows you that he can be trusted and that he won't let you down. You're just not ready for that right now." Taking a handkerchief from her pocket, she handed it to Evlyn. "Now wipe your eyes and come outside. Someone is waiting to see you."

Evlyn obeyed and dabbed at her eyes. "Who?"

Callie shook her head. "I won't tell. But hurry, we leave in 10 minutes."

Callie left Evlyn in the wagon to fix her appearance. When Evlyn climbed down from the wagon, she saw Peter standing there, a bucket of water in one hand, wildflowers in another. "I'm sorry I hurt you, Evlyn. I don't want you to cry because of my insensitivity. Will you forgive me?"

"There is nothing to forgive. Not on your account at least." She kept her head lowered; studying a pretty rock nears his boot. "I'm sorry I treated you so badly. I feel like a fool."

"I never thought you a fool." Peter said, wishing she would look at him so he could see her beautiful eyes. When she ran from him crying, he made a vow to himself that he would never do or say anything to make those eyes cry ever again. "Please accept the flowers, Evlyn." He said, holding his peace offering out to her, all the while wishing her could give her roses.

Evlyn shyly looked up then. "Nobody has ever given me flowers before." She whispered.

"Well, it's about time you got some." He grinned at her. "If you were my girl I would pick you flowers every day."

Evlyn blushed a pretty pink, which illuminated her eyes and smile. "I'll accept the flowers."

Peter bowed low from the waist and extended them towards her. "Thank you, madam." He was delighted when he heard her responding giggle as she took the flowers from him.

"Wagons ho!" Gurtslinger's voice announced.

"I gotta go." He said. "But I promise I'll see you later. Don't run off on me next time, 'kay?"

"I'll try not to." Evlyn said feeling embarrassed all over about her overreaction.

"Hey." Peter said, taking a chance and stepping closer to her. "You're not a fool. You're just hurt. I won't hurt you."

"I wish I could believe that." Evlyn whispered.

"You don't have to." Peter assured her. "I will prove it to you." With a tip of his hat, he left her.

"Evlyn!" Rosa called after Peter left her. She walked closer. Her voice sounded peeved, even her gait expressed certain displeasure. "What were you doing talking to him, and accepting flowers from him? You should've been doing the dishes. What is wrong with you?" Rosa demanded.

"Rosa." Evlyn said looking up from the beautiful flowers. "I think he likes me."

Rosa rolled her eyes. "And where would you get such a dumb idea like that. As if a man could ever like you!"

Evlyn shrugged off Rosa's last statement and answered her question. "He came down to the river to fish but he brought no bait. Then he brought me flowers. He said if I were his girl he'd bring me flowers every day!" Evlyn tipped her head back, smiling up to the heavens. "He is so sweet!" She cried out as she spun in a circle of one dancing alone.

"He probably felt bad for you after your 'oh poor pitiful me' act." Rosa snapped. "Now stop spinning like a child and help me pack these dirty dishes. You'll have to wash them along with the supper dishes now."

"Rosa? Is something wrong?" Evlyn asked."

"Besides my best friend acting like a fool? Not a thing." Rosa said. Spinning around she marched off.

Evlyn sighed and prayed that Rosa's attitude would improve throughout the afternoon. Who wanted a grouch for a best friend? Evlyn hurried to repack all the

Dishes. Most of the wagons were ready to hit the trail again.

Rosa's mood did not improve with time. She seemed to become surlier, if that was possible. Finally, Evlyn couldn't take anymore. "I'm going to go meet some new women." She announced. Without waiting for Rosa's undoubtedly rude answer, she hurried off. Up ahead just a ways an older woman was walking alone. Evlyn made decided to walk with her. "Hello!" She called as she neared the woman. "Mind some company?"

The woman turned and bestowed a smile on her. "Of course not, dear. Come and walk with me."

Evlyn hurried to catch up to the woman's brisk pace. "I'm Evlyn Riebe."

"Linda Gurtslinger." The woman said with another smile.

"You're Mrs. Gurtslinger?" Evlyn asked.

Linda laughed. "The one and only. I hope. And you are Evlyn Riebe. It is a pleasure to meet you. What's bringing you west? Is it the gold or the men?"

Evlyn laughed. "Hardly the men! I lost my job, and had no other reason to stay so my friend and I joined a train west. How about you?"

"Well I already have my man, so I suppose I'm coming for the gold."

"Really?"

"Goodness, no!" Mrs. Gurtslinger laughed. "I just follow my husband. To the ends of the earth it seems at times!" Mrs. Gurtslinger eyed her curiously. "You have a sweetheart, dear?"

"Absolutely not!" Evlyn declared as if the notion was completely absurd.

"Now why would a pretty young girl not have a beau?" Mrs. Gurtslinger asked.

Evlyn shrugged. "I don't want one. My mother was miserable until the day she died. I didn't have a good childhood. I suppose you could say that I've learned from my mother's mistakes."

Mrs. Gurtslinger nodded. "She married a rough man?"

"That's one way of putting it." Evlyn said.

"Yes, indeed. I remember well my husband. He was terrible. He was harsh during the day and even worse after he had the drink. I could never please that man. Most times I was left cowering before him."

Evlyn looked curiously at Mrs. Gurtslinger. "Mr. Gurtslinger is abusive?"

"Heavens, no!" Mrs. Gurtslinger cried. "Not him, my first husband. He was a rough one. Made my life absolutely terrible. I was married to him for seventeen years before he died in a fight at the saloon."

"Wasn't your life with him awful?" Evlyn asked confused by the lady.

"I told you it was. You must know how it is, from living with your father."

"Then why did you marry again after your first husband died?"

"Mr. Gurtslinger was not like my first husband, dear. He was kind and gentle. He truly loved me. And I could trust him never to hurt me like my first husband did."

"But why would you even take another chance. I mean, I'm sure you wouldn't have married your first husband had you known his violent ways. You couldn't have known how Mr. Gurtslinger would treat you after you wed."

"I didn't. But life is terribly boring if you don't take chances. If I had been too scared to try again with love and Mr. Gurtslinger then I would have been very lonely and a shriveled up old lady. And Mr. Gurtslinger would've missed out on a wonderful life with me!" She laughed. "Do you know what I mean, hon?"

Evlyn shook her head. "I can't understand why you would take a chance with being hurt again. I still have nightmares about my father."

Mrs. Gurtslinger shook her head. "You poor dear. I wish I could explain this better. Horses are horses and mules are mules. You can't confuse them and you can't classify them together. They are different. Men are similar. Some are horses, some are mules. They aren't the same. Mr. Gurtslinger is a good man; my first husband was a bad man. Mr. Gurtslinger learned values and he applied them. My first husband did not. You can't classify the rotten apples with the fresh ones. Understand, dear?"

Evlyn nodded, thinking it best to agree with her. "I think so." It didn't mean she agreed with Linda Gurtslinger though.

Linda Gurtslinger shook her head. "You'll understand one day. One day, when a young man proves that he is worthy of your love and trust you will understand this old lady's words. Only then will you understand."

Evlyn sighed, feeling as though she had let Mrs. Gurtslinger down in some way. "So what you're saying is that I don't think anyone worthy of my love or trust?" She asked, still trying to work through Mrs. Gurtslinger's words.

Linda Gurtslinger paused and turned to Evlyn with a surprised look. "Is that what I said?"

"I-I think so." Evlyn said suddenly feeling unsure and rather foolish. "I'm trying to grasp the meaning." She signed. "I'm sorry. You must think I'm terribly slow-witted."

Mrs. Gurtslinger laughed as she patted Evlyn's back. "Not at all, dear. You will do plenty more thinking and reasoning before you come to a conclusion.

"What conclusion do I have yet to come too?"

Mrs. Gurtslinger laughed again. She was a woman who dearly loved to laugh. "My dear, if I told you that the journey would be of no benefit to you. Just remember one thing: Before you can trust others, you need to trust yourself."

Evlyn's brow wrinkled. "That doesn't make much sense. I do trust myself."

"Do you?" Mrs. Gurtslinger asked her gaze lingered on Evlyn for several seconds before drifting to her husband you was riding just ahead of them. "You run along dear, I'm going to visit with my husband for a moment."

Lifting her skirts just a bit, Mrs. Gurtslinger quickened her pace to catch up with her husband.

Evlyn felt Rosa drop into step beside her. "Ev, I'm sorry I was so ornery today. I was very inconsiderate of your feelings. Will you forgive me?

Evlyn smiled as she hooked her arm with Rosa's. "Rosa, I know best of all how your emotions bounce like a ball. Your words were forgiven as soon as they came from your mouth."

Rosa smiled as they marched on together. "Thanks. You're the best friend I've ever had."

"The feeling is mutual." Evlyn assured her fondly. She paused near the trail to pick a few of the beautiful wildflowers that were growing there. She handed three of them to Rosa. "Wildflowers do brighten up the land, don't they?"

"They do." Rosa agreed as she breathed in their rich fragrance. "No human-made perfume could ever smell this good, no matter how hard they may try."

"Agreed." Evlyn gazed at her handful of flowers trying to decide whether she should ask Rosa a question. Throwing caution to the wind, she spoke. "Rosa, do you trust yourself?"

Rosa tossed Evlyn a confused look. "Trust myself? Whatever does that mean?"

Evlyn shrugged. "I don't know. Mrs. Gurtslinger thinks that I have trust issues. She said that I won't learn to trust others until I trust myself. I can't understand how you couldn't trust yourself."

"Hey, maybe it's when you make a promise and you trust yourself to keep that promise." Rosa suggested.

"Maybe." Evlyn conceded doubtfully.

"It's only a suggestion." Rosa said, a bit peeved that Evlyn didn't take to the idea more. "Evlyn?" Rosa said suddenly remembering something Evlyn had told her back at the wagon.

"What?" Evlyn asked, her thoughts were still on the conversation she had with Mrs. Gurtslinger about trust.

"Do you really think the trail boss' assistant is attracted to you?"

Evlyn laughed. "Well, stranger things have happened. Rosa, since we're on the subject, do you really think that a man could never like me?

"Evlyn, " Rosa sighed, "I thought you said my words were forgiven as soon as I said them."

"They were." Evlyn quickly assured her. "But I just wondered if that's what you really thought."

"Let's go visit with Callie, she's in the wagon. She wasn't feeling so well after lunch." Rosa said. They turned and started walking back down the line of slowly moving wagons, searching for theirs. After several moments of silence, Rosa answered the

Question. "I have been jealous of you many times, Evlyn." She quietly admitted.

"Jealous of me?" Evlyn exclaimed in surprise. "Why would you be jealous of me when you have everything?"

Rosa lowered her head. Finally, she looked up, stopping, she grabbed Evlyn's arm and turned her so they were facing each other. "You are very nice looking. You have a grace about you that makes other girls feel like rocks. You have a good heart, and a personality that people, especially men, are drawn to. And I have seen Mr. McCain watching you. I think you're right. He does seem to like you in a more then friendly way. The words I spoke earlier came from pure jealousy and anger. I wanted all that you had. I still do, but I'm trying to be nicer about it."

"Rosa, you're making me sound like something I'm not. I'm nothing special. So many women, including you, -No! Don't interrupt." Evlyn said putting her hand over Rosa's mouth. "So many women, including you are beautiful, with good hearts and personalities. You grew up in a good family and have so many benefits available to you. Look at me! I can't even stand a man being too close to me. What good is a personality that draws men when I don't want to be near them!"

"Let's walk." Rosa said. Turning they continued past the moving wagons.

"As for Mr. McCain, " Evlyn continued quietly, "I think I should discourage him and keep my distance. He'll probably turn out just like my father anyways and I'll be miserable."

"I think you should avoid him like the devil." Rosa agreed. Reaching their wagon the girls climbed up inside. Callie was sitting with a pillow propped behind her back, a closed book in her lap.

"Hi." She greeted her friends with a smile.

"Feeling any better?" Rosa asked as she settled herself in the wagon.

"A bit. What have you girls been doing?"

"I walked with Mrs. Gurtslinger for a while."

"The trail master's wife?" Callie asked.

Evlyn nodded. "She is very nice. Though a bit confusing." She paused. "Callie, how would you describe how to trust oneself?"

"Oneself?" Callie repeated. Her brow wrinkled in concentration as she thought of Evlyn's question. "Trust is a learned emotion. When you trust yourself, you have confidence in yourself, your decisions, and your talents. I read in a newspaper once that if you don't trust or accept yourself, then you will draw situations and people that you can't trust. But that's just what the paper said."

"Do you think that I don't trust myself?" Evlyn asked.

"Trust is a learned emotion, Evlyn, and you couldn't have learned it in your family. I'm just saying that it's not your fault." Callie said gently, tossing Rosa a confused look.

"So you do think I have trust issues?"

"You're very judgmental, Ev. You judge yourself and others without giving either half the chance to prove themselves." Callie sighed. "Am I on trial?"

"No." Rosa assured her. "Mrs. Gurtslinger thinks that Evlyn has problems trusting people, including herself. We were trying to find out how you trust yourself."

"Oh." Callie said. She leaned forward and patted Evlyn's knee. "You've had a rough life, Ev. Anybody in your shoes would react the same way."

"I'm not abnormal?"

Rosa laughed. "Well, if you put it like that..."

Callie swatted at Rosa. "No." She laughingly assured Evlyn. "She's just teasing you. You're a great friend to me, and you guys are going to be great aunties to my little one." With a tender smile, she lovingly caressed her stomach.

Rosa and Evlyn stayed with Callie in the wagon for the rest of the day. Just before dusk, the train stopped and circled around for the night. While the men and boys cared for the animals and equipment, the women and girls collected buffalo chips for fires and prepared the evening meals. Evlyn stood near the fire, stirring the pot of stew they had put together for dinner.

"That's a scent I'd like to come home to." A male voice said from behind her.

Startled, Evlyn jumped, the spoon clattered noisily against the pot. "Excuse me." She gasped placing a hand across her fast-beating heart. "You frightened me."

The kid doffed his hat revealing very curly blond hair in need of some scissors. "Beggin' your pardon, ma'am. Didn't mean to scare you."

"It's quite alright." She assured him reclaiming her spoon she turned back to the pot. "Is there something I can do for you?" She asked for politeness sake. How she wished Rosa or Callie would come and rescue her from this man who appeared from thin air.

"Just wanted to introduce myself to you. I figured that would be the polite thing to do, since we're gonna be gettin' married."

Evlyn almost choked. "Married! Why! Why I don't even know you!" She sputtered.

"Which is why I'm introducin' myself." He said with a wide grin that revealed two straight rows of white teeth.

Spoon held in front of her like a sword, Evlyn slowly backed farther from him. "Sir, I have no intention of meeting or marrying you. Now if you would be so kind as to leave me so I may finish supper I would greatly appreciate it."

The man took two large steps forward. "Why, you don't need to be frightened of me, missy. I'm a good man. The least you could do is hear my name."

"Your name will make no difference." Evlyn assured him. Her eyes widened in delight when she saw Mr. Gurslinger walking up behind the man.

"Jason." Gurtslinger called in his low gravelly voice. "Are you causing problems?" He stopped just behind the man, his hand resting lightly on his gun holster.

The man named Jason turned to face the wagon master. "Heck, no!" He exclaimed. "Just came to see what smelled so good."

"You've got food at your own came fire, now get to it." Gurtslinger ordered. Jason didn't even stop to look back as he took off running towards his family's wagon.

"You okay?" Gurtslinger asked stepping closer to Evlyn. He peered into her face as though searching out the truth.

"I'm fine." She assured him brushing a strand of hair away from her face. "He is just startled me."

"I'm sure." Gurtslinger grunted. "If you'd marry, Miss Riebe, you'd be a lot less trouble." He muttered as he turned and walked back towards the center of the wagon ring.

"I don't intend to marry." She called after him.

Gurtslinger shook his head but didn't reply to her as he hurried back to his own wagon and supper.

Peter was leaning against the wagon wheel, his open bible resting on his legs. He scarcely heard Gurtslinger approach.

"McCain!"

Peter jumped to his feet, his bible landing in the dust. He bent to retrieve it. "Why're ya yelling like a drill sergeant?" He asked as he dusted off the cover.

"You like that girl a lot don't you?" Gurtslinger's question sounded more like an accusation.

"You know I do." Peter said as he straightened and looked at the trail boss. He didn't appear to be angry but something was bothering him.

"Then I suggest that you make it known."

"What's going on?" Peter asked now entirely confused by the trail bosses words. Had he lost his mind?

"Just now I had to chase Jason Gulth away from your intended. He swooped down on her as an eagle does a mouse. I don't want no problems on this train, McCain."

"When does what Jason does become my problem?" Peter asked, getting annoyed with this whole thing rather quickly. "And where do you get off blaming his actions on me?"

Gurtslinger straightened. "You see to your girl, and keep trouble away from her. I don't intend to be her knight in armor. You are." Gurtslinger turned and lumbered to his wagon, where his wife had been standing. She gazed at Peter, gave a slight shake of her head, then slipped her arm around her husband, and walked with him.

Peter gazed at the two of them until they disappeared from sight. What in earth's name was bugging Gurtslinger? He'd never seen him act that way before, at least not with him. He shook his head, and then turned to face the direction of Evlyn's wagon. He should go see if she was okay. He started toward her wagon. Maybe he should declare himself. That would at least keep Jason away, unless it scared Evlyn away too. He didn't like to think of that, but he had the strange feeling that such a declaration would frighten her away. He found Evlyn by the fire, dishing out a bowl of delicious smelling stew. "Evlyn." He spoke her name softly as the night slowly closed in upon them. She turned, the light from the fire illuminating her halo of golden hair. "Peter."

"Gurtslinger told me about Jason. I wanted to see that you're alright."

"I am. He was just bothersome." She extended the bowl toward him. "Will to stay and eat?"

Peter wanted to. It bought him more time with her. He knew he shouldn't. He shouldn't appear that he was chasing her. Couldn't appear to forward. "No, thanks. I have to get back. I just wanted to wish you a good night."

She smiled up at him. "Good night." She whispered back.

Peter wanted to reach forward and stroke her cheek, it looked so soft, so appealing in the firelight. He balled his hand into a fist. "I'll see you tomorrow." Turning he walked away, letting out an agonized sigh. She was so close, and yet so far away.

Evlyn sighed as she watched Peter walk away. He was a very good man. She couldn't imagine him ever hurting his family. However, perhaps that is what her mama had once thought about her father.

"Was that Peter McCain?" Rosa asked from behind Evlyn.

"Yes." Evlyn said turning back to her soup. "He just came to wish us a pleasant evening."

"Don't hold supper for me." Rosa said as she walked away. "I need to talk to him."

Evlyn shook her head at her changeable friend as she carried Callie's bowl to her. "Here you are." She sank down to the ground near Callie's feet. "Where's Benjamin?"

"Caring for the animals. Thanks for making supper, Evlyn. It smells delicious." Callie paused before continuing. "Could none of the other families invited come join us for dinner and music?"

Evlyn bit her lip, debating whether to mention her fears to Callie.

Callie had suggested yesterday morning how nice it would be to have the other families join them one night for dinner and music. The everyday trail life could become tiring; and Callie decided liven the group up some. Fellowship would be just the thing. Benjamin and Evlyn had approved of Callie's plan, and Evlyn promised to deliver the invitations to each of the families that very afternoon. Their responses were less then ecstatic. Two of the women told her to go walk with someone else, and wouldn't even listen to what she had to say. During the mid-day meal, Evlyn found Mrs. Gurtslinger at the water hole.

"I'm glad to see you." Evlyn said, sure that Mrs. Gurtslinger would let her extend the invitation.

Mrs. Gurtslinger eyed her wearily. "And why is that?" she asked in a clipped tone.

Surprised, Evlyn stuttered her response. "I-Well, I had an invitation to share with you."

Mrs. Gurtslinger straightened, placing her hands at her hips. "Well, what do you want?"

"Callie and I were hoping you and your husband might join us for supper tomorrow night and some music. If you play an instrument you can bring it along."

"Now listen here, young lady." Mrs. Gurtslinger said waving her finger in front of Evlyn's face. "You get such immoral ideas right out of your head. We won't be having your kind causing problems amongst our God-fearing people! Do you understand me?"

Evlyn stared at Mrs. Gurtslinger in surprise. She had never heard her raise her voice before. Her face was flushed red, in anger Evlyn assumed.

"Do you understand me?" Mrs. Gurtslinger demanded an answer.

"Yes- yes, ma'am."

Mrs. Gurtslinger nodded in grim satisfaction. "Now you get back to your wagon and eat your lunch. And I better hear no more bad reports of you, or we'll be leaving you right alongside the road if we have to, 'ya hear?"

"Yes." Tears blinding her vision she stumbled back to the wagon. Thank goodness, Callie was napping in the wagon. Evlyn didn't want to see her friend right now. What was going on? Evlyn tried to remember anything she might have done to upset Mrs. Gurtslinger. Could it have anything to do with all the other women not wanting to talk with her, much less be seen with her? Evlyn sat down on the grass and pulled her knees up to her chest. She wrapped her arms around her legs. What could she possibly have done to anger all of the women of the train? They were acting as if she had leprosy. For the rest of the day, every women on the train avoided Evlyn. Choosing to walk during the afternoon, she walked alone.

A/N- THANKS FOR CHECKING OUT MY STORY! IF YOU LIKED IT PLEASE VOTE!

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