Defeated By Love

Food For Thought:

Have you ever walked through life thinking you're worth so much more and you deserve the ultimate best...

But, you just can't seem to let go of the past and you allow your demons to haunt you no matter how much you tell yourself to grow a pair and live your best life...

Or, when you meet someone who ignites the fire in your soul and you're too scared to let him in.

Because, you feel you're not compatible together because you lead two entirely different lives.

So, you allow yourself to be too afraid to explore the chemistry between you lacking the desire to let someone in to caress your damaged heart, body, soul and mind.

Then when you do allow him into your body and heart. You find out that he wasn't the man you thought you knew or grew to love quicker than your next breath.

Eventually, becoming well aware of why being together was like riding a roller coaster and you wished you had trusted your instincts in the first place and stayed well away from him.

No, just me?

Well, that's just fan-fucking-tastic...

*Sigh*

---

My best friend Chrissy and I walk into the newest and hippest club in town.

The atmosphere is electric as everybody's feeding off the music. Their hips are swaying and their arms are waving in the air like they just don't care. Chrissy grabs my hand and pushes her way through the crowd of people at the bar.

"Hey." She yells at the barman.

He smiles with a twinkle in his eye and walks over to us ignoring the other orders being yelled at him.

"What can I get you?" He asks, licking his lips as his eyes focus on hers.

I don't know what possessed her to do it.

But, like a bolt of lightning, she leans over the bar and grabs him by the collar of his shirt, kissing him passionately on the lips. To my surprise, he leans in and deepens the kiss. I stand there with wide eyes wondering what the fuck is going on. The kiss lasts a good minute before cheering erupts at the other end of the bar.

Chrissy pulls back and touches her swollen lips with her fingers and smiles with a glimmer of satisfaction in her eyes.

"Two Rum and Cokes with two of your strongest shots." She yells over the music.

The bartender places our drinks down in front of us.

"I'll make you a deal." He says rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "If you save me a dance, I'll give you this round for free." He licks his lips tasting her kiss all over again and a little growl leaves his mouth.

"Deal!" She says blushing.

He pushes the drinks forward.

We take our shots at the bar and then find ourselves a nice corner booth to sit at.

I take a sip of my drink relishing in its coolness as it slides down my throat right to my toes. I do a little shimmy in my chair and take another drink.

I look over at Chrissy.

"Do you know him?" I nod in the direction of the barman.

Because that was too hot for her not to.

"His name's Conrad." She sneaks another look at him and blushes.

"He's built like a goddamn powerhouse. He might be a bit much for me to handle." She nibbles on her lower lip.

"You'll be fine," I assure her.

She still refuses to believe that she has an insatiable sexual appetite no matter how many times I've told her.

We hit the dance floor swaying to the music looking like a couple of drugged-up hippies. Our favourite song comes on and we jump up and down with excitement. The air is thick with sweat, smoke and booze with a hint of arousal.

The typical stench of an overpopulated club.

Sweat glistens off our skin and drenches our hair. The club becomes ultra hot with the disco lights flashing and the smoke machine running. We were having a really good time until two guys approached us and started grinding up on us from behind.

I look at Chrissy and she's having trouble trying to keep the guy's hands off her. The guy behind me starts to get rough by pulling me into him. He forcefully rubs his erection against my ass and nuzzles his nose through my hair breathing it in.

"You smell of strawberries soaked in vanilla." His words slur in my ear and his breath is hot against my skin.

It sends an outbreak of cold chills up my spine and I loathe every chill.

"Do you taste as good as you smell?" His hand slowly travels up my torso and he cups my breast.

A sudden wave of red takes over me.

I turn in his arms and wrap my hands around his neck. Tiptoeing, I lean in closer to him and whisper in his ear.

"It's a real... Pity you'll never get the chance to find out."

I bring my leg up and knee him right in his precious baby-making jewels. He staggers back cursing as he bends over and grabs them with both hands. I raise my foot and I push him over.

He falls to the ground with a loud thud and I titter.

"Not so perky now are we princess?" I say to him as he lies on the ground cupping himself.

I look over to see where Chrissy is and I watch as Conrad comes barging through the crowd, he taps the guy on the shoulder and punches him square in the face when he turns around. Chrissy screams with fright as she steps away from the scene with wide eyes.

Eventually, two huge buffed security guards come barging through the crowd and haul the clowns up to their feet and start dragging them out of the club.

"Where the fuck were you cunts?" Conrad sneers.

"These two were practically getting raped on the dance floor you fucking muppets!" He flicks his wrist and droplets of blood fall from his knuckles.

He looks around the dance floor for Chrissy and when he finds her. He grabs her by the hand and leads her off the floor. She takes mine along the way and drags me with her. He leads us to the bar and tells the two men sitting in front of his station to beat it. The men mutter something under their breaths and turn to look at us.

"Ladies." They say in unison.

"Don't. Even. Fucking. Think. About. It." A low growl comes from Conrad.

"Scram or I'll give the ladies something to really look at." Conrad straightens looking as if he's grown an extra two feet and rolls his shoulders getting ready to dish out another ass whooping. Both men get up and leave without another word.

Conrad slides back behind the bar and pours us a small glass of whisky.

"Drink, it will help to calm your nerves." His voice is full of self-controlled anger as he slides the glasses forward.

We swallow the whisky in one gulp, letting the amber liquid slide down our throats leaving a warm tingly feeling in its wake. I look at my phone.

"I gotta love you and leave you." I stand and give her a quick hug.

"No... Nessa. Stay a little longer with me please?" She begs.

"I wish I could. But I have a class to teach, and I need some rest if I'm going to do my new Care Bears any justice." I tell her.

She hugs me back with her lower lip pouting.

"You keep an eye on her you hear me," I warn Conrad.

He nods as he continues to serve the crowd forming in front of him. I walk out of the club with shaking limbs heading towards my next adventure of finding myself a Taxi.

By chance, I see one pull up at the taxi stand and I quickly rush over to grab it before some other soul with a death wish gets to it before I do.

When I reach the taxi, I lean forward and open the door.

Shit...

My inner goddess curses when a sudden rush of pain courses through my body.

The passenger had opened the door hitting my head in the process. I lost my balance and hit the concrete with a thud.

I sit upright, shaking the white spots that dance before me. I let out a little groan wondering what just happened. Then suddenly a man exits the taxi and bends down on one knee before me.

"Merda! Are you okay?" A deep and heavenly accent greets me.

"Ye...Yes. I think so."

I inhale deeply through my nostrils as his scent lingers in the night's breeze.

The musky, zest-infused wood cologne he wears intoxicates my body and my heart flutters with approval.

"Are you hurt?" He asks, his words laced with concern.

"Just a slight bump to my pride," I reply, wishing the ground would open up and swallow me whole.

He stands with ease to his full height and offers me his hand. I accept it and I try my best not to notice how much it swallows mine or the zing that shoots down my body and explodes around my toes.

When I get to my feet, I look up, meeting his eyes.

There is only one way to describe him.

The sexiest fucking Italian I've ever met.

Take a picture, it would last longer...

My inner goddess teases me.

I slowly run my eyes down his body and I faintly hear him growl.

If I were anyone else but me. I'd Carpe Diem and ride him like a possessed hooker on the hood of the taxi.

But,

I'm me, and I'm pretty shy when it comes to the opposite sex. I lack majorly in the sexual department.

Besides,

I'm pretty sure he and I aren't made to mesh. We come from opposite worlds, no matter how cliché that sounds.

"I'm sorry, but I need to get home." I politely say as I snap out of my trance.

"Thanks... for uh... Helping me to my feet." I let out a little laugh.

"Not for the... Uh... Nearly knocking me out thing," I mutter, causing him to laugh.

I pull my lower lip between my teeth and start to nervously nibble on it.

"What's your name, cara mia?" He says softly as his eyes search my face.

"Pardon?"

I was too busy wondering what his lips would taste like and if they were softer than two pillowy marshmallows.

"I asked for your name." He chuckles, amused at my current state of wonderment.

"Oh," I mutter, shaking the sinful thoughts out of my head. "Vanessa Maddison."

"Vanessa Maddison?" His brows furrow.

"As in... Celeste Maddison's younger sister?" His green eyes intensely focus on mine.

I go completely stiff when he mentions my deceased sister's name. It's the last thing I ever expected to hear from him.

"You don't remember me, do you?" He asks cautiously as I continue to just stare at him.

"I'm Luca. Luca Venturi." He says. "My father was your family doctor, he..."

I put my hand up, cutting him off.

"I don't mean to be rude. But, I don't like going down memory lane." I pause briefly. "I'm still trying my best to move forward."

I hated that my voice suddenly sounded weak. Portraying me to be some damsel in distress.

"Si, I'm sorry. You shouldn't have...."

I step around him and quickly get inside the waiting taxi. Not bothering to listen to what he has to say. I attempt to close the door when he unexpectedly yanks it wide open again.

Luca gets in, forcing me to slide across the seat.

"What do you think you're doing?" I look at him in disbelief.

He turns to face me fully.

"I'm going to see to it that you make it home safely. What's your address?"

"I'm not telling you," I snicker, scowling at him. "How do I know you're not some kind of insane stalker?"

'He's too hot to want to stalk you, Nessa...'

My inner goddess mocks me.

"Do I look like a stalker to you?" His eyes dance with laughter as they trail over my face.

"The Insane ones never do." I glance out the window before I look back at him.

He shoots me a jaw-breaking smile.

"Out!" I point to the door, praying he'll abide by my wishes.

Instead, he sighs and rests a hand on my exposed thigh.

"I suddenly feel responsible for your safe being." The smile on his face suddenly vanishes.

Leaning forward, he taps the driver on the shoulder, capturing his full attention.

"Drive, please, You'll get an address once I have one for you."

I sit there and shake my head at Luca when the driver doesn't move a muscle.

"You don't expect him to drive without any security for payment, do you?"

Luca looks back at me weighing his options momentarily. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a fifty-dollar note, handing it over to the driver.

"Here's a fifty. I'll pay you more if needed. Now. Please. Drive." He orders the poor man.

The driver takes the fifty, starts the engine and pulls out into the early morning traffic.

"You've got to be kidding me." I shake my head with disbelief. "Money truly does get you what you want in this world," I hiss, astounded by his actions.

"Si, money does make the world go round." Luca nods his head, looking into my eyes.

We sit in silence for a heartbeat or two before he opens his mouth to speak again.

"Truth be told. You're a vulnerable young lady who's been drinking. And, it makes you an easy target." He rubs the side of his jaw, looking a tad uncomfortable with his last statement.

"I had a few drinks with my best friend. And I'm not going to let you make me feel guilty for having a good time." I look forward and fold my arms. "It's on a very rare occasion you'll see me out, enjoying myself." I openly inform him.

"It wasn't my intention to make you feel guilty, and I'm sorry. But, I don't see the harm with a former family friend seeing you home, safely." He says softly.

"I'm not going to fuck you." I narrow my eyes at him, trying to read his body language.

No man has ever seen me home without wanting some ass afterwards.

Why would he be any different?

He leans in towards me and whispers seductively in my ear.

"Is that a challenge, cara mia?" He blows lightly on my exposed neck.

"No," I moan with a sudden rush of desire pooling in my underwear.

"I love a good challenge, tesoro." He openly admits as his finger glides down the side of my face. "All I've wanted since you stole my attention was to touch every inch of your body with my hands, my lips, my cock."

I shift, removing myself from his proximity.

"Upper town on Prince Street please, driver. Number 34," I whisper, looking Luca in the eyes as I desperately search for his untold tales.

"Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?" He flashes me a smile as he winks at me.

"I'm still not dropping my panties for you if....."

"Basta!" He speaks with more firmness, holding up a hand. "That wasn't what I was getting at, and I think you know that." He says, arching his brows. "You are cute when you squirm."

"Sorry," I say, suddenly feeling like a child who's just been scolded.

"No harm caused." He smirks, looking at my slightly parted lips. "How about dinner?"

I open my mouth to answer him.

"As two friends catching up." He adds quickly, his gaze narrowing as he challenges me to accept his invitation.

The taxi slows down and comes to a halt. I reach for the handle and open the door slightly; looking back at him.

"Thanks for the ride." I step out of the taxi, avoiding his question.

I hear his heavy footsteps close behind me and I stop mid-stride, removing my heels.

Digging my phone out of my bag, I check the time once more, and I let out a small frustrated sigh.

I turn to face him.

"It's after two in the morning and all I want to do is get some sleep. So, whatever it is you want, or you're about to say... just don't. Don't waste your breath... And please. Just... Go."

I'm too tired to deal with an Italian God right now.

"I just want to make sure you get to your door safely." Luca stands there, looking up towards the house, innocently.

I roll my eyes and ascend the stairs, looking back at him.

"That's very gentlemanly of you, Luca. But, I don't have time to date" I look past his shoulder, lying.

"Funny, I don't recall mentioning anything about dating."

He smiles when my eyes quickly meet his and my cheeks slowly turn a pretty shade of pink.

"I...I." I start to stutter with embarrassment.

Luca leans forward and presses his lips against mine.

I flinch at his sudden movement with him catching me off guard.

He wraps his hand around my waist and pulls me into him. My mind is screaming for me to push him away. But my body is begging me to open up and let him have his wicked way with me.

Before I could fully process what was happening or decide. He releases me and walks back to the taxi.

Speechless, I stand watching him in a daze. My fingers touch my lips and I smile at his brazen actions.

'Maybe you should've said yes to dinner, after all, dummy....'

My inner goddess pipes up one last time.

I arch my back as Luca continued to thrust deeply inside me with an intense desire to possess me completely.

Muffling my gentle moans of delight with his mouth - relishing them as if they were the final sound he would ever experience.

As I glide my fingers through his hair, I sense the traces of the morning's perspiration enveloping his dark locks. I arch my hips, granting him complete entry to thrust deeply inside me.

Luca effortlessly captivates me with need. I am consumed by the desire to reach the peak of pleasure. Caressing his back, I hold him close by wrapping my legs around his waist.

"Luca... Please..." I beg.

He withdraws from me and turns me around. I gasp as he penetrates me from behind, thrusting vigorously, giving in to his primal desires.

He playfully strikes my ass, the sound resonating throughout the room and bouncing off the walls.

The slight sensation heightens my desire for release.

He gently slides his finger inside my anus, causing me to curve my back like a perfectly arched bridge and lift my head in ecstasy.

---

Suddenly, I sit up in a pool of sweat. My body intensely longs for sexual fulfillment. Lying my head back down on my pillow, I gaze up at the ceiling, contemplating what the hell just happened.

Did I have a wet dream about Luca?

I wipe my hand over my face, and I exhale slowly through my nose.

'After one little kiss, you've gone ahead and fallen in love with the man...' My inner goddess snickers.

'Like hell.' I retort.

I pick up the phone on my bedside table, and there's a message.

Luca: Have dinner with me tonight. Luca.

How did he manage to obtain my contact information?

Nessa: How did you get my number?

I patiently wait for his reply, hoping it won't be too long.

Luca: I'm very resourceful when I need to be.

Luca: Is that a yes to dinner?

Nessa: Sounds like something a stalker would do.

Nessa: And no to dinner

Luca: Did you dream of me, cara mia?

I sit up and look around my room with heated cheeks.

Did he?

No...

He couldn't know...

Vanessa: No. Oddly, you didn't cross my mind one bit.

'LIAR, LIAR, YOUR PANTIES ARE WET...' My inner goddess taunts me.

I quickly get up and go to the kitchen to make myself a hot drink. Adding a large dose of coffee with an even larger dose of the good white pure powdered stuff.

Sugar.

My phone dings again.

Luca: All in good time, cara mia. I will be starring in all your dreams.

I stare at the message while touching my lips, and then sigh at the memory of my sinister dream, taking my coffee with me back to my room.

Once I get there, I get myself ready for work and wish we never crossed paths.

********

I casually enter through the door a little past 6 pm. I'm exhausted and famished, and my feet feel like they're about to give out.

I swiftly slip into a pair of comfortable sweatpants and a relaxed-fitting t-shirt, then stroll back to the kitchen to prepare a quick sandwich and coffee.

It's all I can be half-assed doing right now.

So, please, don't judge me.

Not long after I take a seat, Chrissy walks through the door.

"Wow... Chrissy! Talk about a rough night." I chuckle as I take a bite from my sandwich.

She looks like a ravished train wreck as she saunters towards me with a twinkle in her eye.

"Rough night... Hell yeah. Was he worth it? Gods, yes!"

She flicks her hair and snatches my coffee cup from the counter as she parks her butt on the stool next to me.

"Mm mm, coffee." She takes a long sip as if her life depended on it.

"Nessa, Conrad is just... amaze balls!" She says dreamily with a goofy smile curling on her mouth.

"Nice one! You finally found yourself a man with balls that amaze you, huh?" I glance at her, arching a single brow.

"Yeah, amaze balls with the sexual appetite of a starved man. I don't know how I managed to keep up with him... but I did, and he wants to see me again." She grabs the other half of my sandwich and takes a bite, groaning with appreciation.

"It seems like the man has certainly forgotten to feed you in the process." I laugh as she finishes off her sandwich, licking the tips of her fingers.

"Oh honey, he fed me, alright and I swallowed every inch he had to offer." She does a little happy dance on the stool.

Slipping off the barstool, she kisses me on the forehead.

"I'm going to take a long hot soak in the tub before I crash. Wake me up when you've ordered us dinner. It doesn't matter what you order, as long as it's edible and can feed a small army. We'll talk more later," she says over her shoulder as she walks off with a bounce in her step.

I spend the next few hours reading my Care Bears creative writing projects. Most of them have some exotic tales to tell, and the others...

Well, to put it nicely, they lack creativity entirely.

Perhaps keeping a daily journal could assist in improving their writing and reading abilities as well.

I make a mental note to myself to pick up some more journals the next time I'm out and about.

A few hours later, we find ourselves sitting in front of the T.V. eating Chinese take-out with a large glass of wine. "

"So?" Chrissy begins to ask. "Please, tell me you at least got some action from the taxi driver?" She shoulder bumps me playfully.

I look at her, and my cheeks slowly turn red.

"You cheeky bitch!" She laughs hysterically. "You did, didn't you? Well, come on... spill."

I tell her how I got knocked off my feet when I met Luca and I go on to describe how godly he looks and the way my body reacts to him.

"He texted me this morning and asked me to have dinner with him." I tuck my head into my chest and let out a small, frustrated growl. "I declined his offer." I sigh as if I were denying a contracted marriage proposal.

"You text him back and tell him you've changed your mind first thing in the morning, do you hear me?" There's a slight bite to her words.

We sit in silence for a brief moment, the sound of the T.V echoing in the background.

"I'm scared. " I tell her honestly. "I'd rather not look at him and be reminded of my past that almost ruined me entirely after it ruined my family."

Placing my plate on the coffee table, I pour myself another glass of wine and casually lean back against the sofa, stealing a glance at Chrissy.

"You know you can't keep running from the past, Nessa. It's just not realistic. You've got to learn to face that part of your life and take charge of it, no matter how heart-wrenching it is. I've watched it internally eat you up for years. You seem to live half a life and that half remains in the past".

Leaning in closer and laying her head on my shoulder, she continues.

"Maybe you should go out and have dinner with this Luca guy. He doesn't sound like the type of man that takes no for an answer lightly. He seems more like the Alpha male type; demanding and always in control. And honestly, that's just the type of man you need, hon."

I take another sip of my wine and let her words sink in.

"I don't need a man," I mumble, defensively.

"Yeah, you do, babe. You also deserve to be happy too, you know?" She looks at me with affection riddled eyes.

Sighing, "I do. You have this irritating habit of reminding me daily." I smile back at her as I lean back, thinking about Luca.

Can a man like him grow to love someone like me?

We are from different worlds and I doubt we will have anything in common.

Or,

Does it really only happen in fairy tale stories?

And he will ditch me the second he realises how damaged I am?