Decisions between Love and Lust

There are days when you just wake up and you can feel that it's going to be a bad day for you. I know that's what my day has decided to be this morning.It's like waking up with a really bad feeling that cannot be helped. I can't believe I woke up late on the most important day of my career.

Its 8:00 am .yes you can say that again. it's already started badly but I won't go down without a fight that is. I'm supposed to be at work by eight sharp to prepare for the......meeting suffice to say it's a very important meeting which will determine who is going to get the Promotion I have been working so hard for as the creative director of Blackwell Inc. I do remember putting my alarm for six in the morning so I could arrive at work early. Why didn't the damn alarm ring? I have to get ready and get ready quick I can't be late for this. My whole life depends on this.

I skip the shower get dressed and collect my stuff on the way out as my phone keeps buzzing. I decide to pick up the call on my way downstairs to grab a cab (I could take anything right now) on the phone is my assistant Nami.

"......umm.....hey. I'm on my way. Bad day. I'll get there" I pick up the phone my breath shaky.

I decided to race down the stairs since the elevator isn't working.

I live on the third floor so instead of waiting for the elevator I decide that is wasting more precious time so I decide on the stairs instead.

"Everyone is already here. Where are you? The meeting is about to start." She whisper shouts at me through the phone

"Coming...... I am coming....." I end the call because she is making me more nervous and finish the stairs. Catching a cab is even harder this morning, but by some miracle I eventually grab one.

I'm trying to keep my face in order by applying a little lipstick, some eyeliner maybe some mascara a bit of powder so I don't look like such a disaster that I am this morning. A mint for my breath and my phone won't stop buzzing off its literally driving me crazy. I have enough missed calls to panic and as I watch the phone I realize its my assistant Nami that keeps calling over and over again I have to take this. Maybe do some damage control while I am at it.

"Yes, hello....." I answer

"They are starting the meeting without you. It's been half an hour. Like.... where are you?"

"Listen just get in the meeting without me. We worked on it together, so I'm sure you'll be fine. I just might....."

"What?" she cuts me off shrieking

"Mr. Blackwell is here. He is in the conference room. I...... "she goes on

"He came to the meeting? Why didn't you tell me earlier? Okay fine just do what you can." I hang up on the phone on her and start panicking.

"s*** s***" this is not good news for me.it is not good news at all. Mr. Blackwell is a nightmare. He is the owner of Blackwell inc.one of the largest marketing companies in the world and as strict as one can be. He wasn't supposed to be in the meeting as they have different offices in the world and he is mostly in the headquarters but it's his company he can decide to make an appearance whenever it suits him.

But it so happens to be bad news for me today. Really major bad and seeing as he is already there before me then I am sure things are not good for me.

He rarely comes to the office and when he does everyone is always on their toes and attentive since he has a habit of making an example of people. I feel like i will be an example for today because I am sure I can kiss that promotion goodbye. I put my phone on silent as it keeps ringing and keeping me on edge. By now I know I did not have the promotion and all my hard work was for nothing how did this happen?

"Why aren't we moving? In a hurry over here! Can't you go faster or do something anything" I tell the driver in front of me

"Sorry Mam. Just normal morning traffic" he answers casually and it grates on my nerves

"S*** it's like we haven't even moved at all. I can practically see my apartment from here" I start complaining as Time is running slipping from me and the traffic isn't helping. I'm running out of my mind in this car and I just keep playing different scenarios in my head and contemplating what lies ahead.

"Miss we are here" the driver takes me out of my own crazy head. I look outside and see our office building as tall and imposing as it is then I look at the time it's nine forty five which means I'm not just late the meeting might as well be done by now. I should be hopeful and maybe they are waiting for me. Ha!, that will be amazing and not happening. I Decisions By Mijaly Lyimo don't want to leave the confines of this car. I just want to delay the inevitable and my impending future. I am dreading this moment and this day while it was supposed to be the best day for me.

"Miss, are you alright?" the driver asks me, I think he can see my hesitation and fear on my face so I decide to school my features before I answer him "Yeah. All good" I pay the driver get out of the car and make my way to the building as I try calling Nami nonstop but she does not pick up. I smile at the secretary and make my way to the office. I do last-minute checkups of my appearance then compose myself on the mirror and make my way to the conference room.

A few people are socializing in the room as its made of glass walls and I have visual access to its occupants I keep observing while slowly approaching. Other people are leaving although some of them have already left. My eyes are looking around in search for Nami but she does not seem to be in the room. I approach the closest co-workers and greet them with a fake smile and all and I get the news I dreaded to hear but knew was inevitable ever since I walked inside this building today. They let me know Eric got the Promotion (figures) since he was my strongest competitor for the promotion. We don't normally see eye to eye and we both have different ideas of how to run and present things. I kind of hate him all the way right now since I know it's going to be hell working under him. He has no creativity like at all and thinks he knows every freaking thing. I try so hard to hide my feelings from my face as they give me the rundown of things.

They also inform me that Nami did the presentation she helped me prepare and after the meeting Mr. Blackwell asked to see her in his office. They try cheering me up for losing the Promotion and I play it up well with everyone then decide to go back to my office so I can collect myself for a few minutes. I just know that the worse is yet to come and I have to prepare myself for what lies ahead. I am on my way to my office when I meet Eric in the hallway

"Congratulations on the Promotion" I tell him while pulling the best smile I can offer at the time "Thanks Brianna. I'm sure you would have got it, had you been present." He answers with a smile trying to hide his smugness below it

"You worked hard for it. I am sure you deserve it" I smile back as I know deep down he is celebrating and deep down I am suffocating. I turn around and keep walking towards my office. As I near the office I do a double take and stop on the bathroom to freshen up a bit and go to my office. I am lost in my head when Nami Knocks and opens the door letting herself in. By reading her facial expression I think my bad day is about to get a lot worse.

She stands in front of the door doesn't speak and tries to avoid eye contact but still while looking at me. I already know its bad news so I decided to kill the silence that keeps stretching between us as its making me uncomfortable.

"I already know I didn't get the Promotion. Lighten up its fine" I tell her making a smile

"It's not that. I mean that is also very bad but....mmh."

"Enough already stop with the suspense and get on with it" I tell her dreading this discussion

"I was in Mr. Blackwell's office" she tell me "I know. And...?"

"We got to his office and he asked his secretary to call you. You weren't picking up so he decided to call you on his personal phone and you still weren't taking your calls. He was so upset, i...." "He is always upset.so what happened?" I cut her off as I just want to know what awaits me on the other end of her words "Well he told me you cannot be counted on as he does not feel confident leaving an entire department in your hands because you couldn't be counted on to be there for yourself. So he might have decided to give me your position because I may have impressed him during the presentation. But He said you did an excellent job and had you been present you would have totally got it "she gives me a sympathetic look though I can feel her energy and excitement from way over here "What?" I mean come on. Seriously? I was just late for one day. One day that I had the biggest career changing meeting of my life and they just take my job and give it to my assistant. Just like that. It can't be that simple can it? What if I had an accident or my building burned down, would they really do that to me? Do they even care?

"I know. I am so sorry. I mean...."she tries to explain but I know she doesn't know what to say to me

"Oh..."

"Brie I really tried......" what is she apologizing for? What is she saying? I need to think

"Just stop" I whisper shout at her while raising my left hand in a stop gesture. It all falls quite for a while until she says

"He asked you to go straight to his office on your arrival. I am so sorry Brie I don't know what to say"

"What are you sorry about? It's not your fault. You're not the one who did not make it to the not important meeting of their career and instead ended up......'' I sigh closing my eyes. Glad I caught myself before I said something I would regret to Nami. I would have said something ugly probably against her that I can't take back.

Over all Nami has been a great assistant to me and a friend. We have always had a great dynamic at work and plus she is very hardworking but she was my assistant for a reason. she does not have my qualifications or experience to run this department. Are they going to make me work under her and Eric too? Fuck my life I am probably already fired and have no job to be sad about. I am still allowed to be hopeful so hopeful I shall be.

"Can I have a few minutes please?" I tell Nami trying to be as civil as possible

"Of course" She says and leaves too quickly. I think she hated this conversation and wanted out of the room as soon as possible. I need time to compose myself before I go to Blackwell's office and face the music right now. I just lost my position and I don't even know if I still have my job.

I make my way to the elevator and go to the top floor of the building where Mr. Blackwells office is located. I approach his secretary and smile at her. He always travel

"Good morning Maggie" I greet her

"Hello Brianna. How are you?"

"That depends. I am here to see Mr. Blackwell. He asked for me."

"Oh! He actually just left. You missed him." She answers and starts going through her desk. I can't believe how bad my day is turning out to be today.

"He left this for you" Maggie, Blackwell's secretary hands me an envelope. I stare at the envelope it cant be a good thing. I automatically bite my lips take the letter and head to the elevators not even looking or saying anything to Maggie.

I enter my office close the doors locking myself inside. My hands holding the letter are trembling. I put the letter on the desk like it's on fire and take a seat facing my office chair. I quickly tore the envelope and open the letter but i can't read anything. The words are blurry and I find tears falling from my eyes that I hadn't even noticed where falling. I try composing myself and drawing back my tears.

The knock on the door startles me and I realize I fell asleep with my head on the desk on top of the letter.

"Brianna you okay in there?" it's Nami and she isn't my very favourite person right now. I walk to the door open it slightly and face her.

"What is it?" I ask her

"Sorry I have been knocking for a while I was worried about you"

"Thanks. it's fine I just want to be alone right now without being unnecessary interrupted" she seems to feel uneasy but I feel even worse right now.

"Well its lunchtime and I wanted to know if you wanted me to order anything for you"

"Water will be just fine." I smile at her and close the door on her face. Thank you for stealing my job and I thought we were friends.

Time to read the letter. It has few drops of tears that have dried but I certainly do not have a job anymore. They are letting me go as Eric's department is closing down and my position does not require an assistant so they have no position in the company to offer me anymore. What a nice ways of firing someone it is. it so happens this is my last week at the company but today is my last, I cannot be seen or come back here after today.

I have to start looking for another job. I have rent, student loan, bills to pay and I officially have no job anymore. I wasn't prepared for this not at all I can't concentrate right now. I need to go to the Human resource office to sort my contracts and financial status. I just want to go home and head to bed this instance but I don't want to come back here so, I better sort my stuff today. I call the human resource office and set up a meeting for later in the evening and start packing my stuff up.

I leave the office with my stuff when everyone left the office. With my belongings i grab a cab and head to my apartment. I'm in the lobby heading for the elevators when a hand grabs me and I turn.

"Bri are you okay? Didn't you hear me call you?"

It's Derek. My boyfriend. I haven't heard or seen much of him lately as I was busy working on my promotions and he was working on this important project at work.

"Sorry I just have a lot to my mind" I try to smile at him and he takes the boxes from me and continues to the elevator so I follow up

"I was calling you all day, you didn't get my calls?" he asks when we step in the elevator "sorry it's been a bad day. My phone is on silent, I should just turn it off anyway." I answer him and he stays quiet. We get on my floor and I head and open the door get in and start switching on lights. He places the boxes beside the door and stands.

"Do you want some coffee?" I ask as i head to the kitchen to prepare some.

"No. why don't we talk first"

"Okay." I really don't want to talk right now but let's just get this over with so I can just go to bed. He waits for me to take a seat and comes to sit beside me holding my hand.

"What is it you're scaring me?" I ask him as I can't read his actions right now

"I know about the promotion and the job. i called the office when you weren't picking up, I got worried about you."

I sigh out of relief but I don't need pity right now.

"Yeah well........that happen. I'm officially out of a job." I try laughing it off but it comes out awkward.

"I'm sorry. I just want you to know I'm here through everything you are so bright and talented you'll find something."

"Thanks I guess"

"Come here" he gestures for me in his embrace and I take it feeling that comfort. He strokes my hair slowly and I started dozing off but then his phone starts ringing. I try to get off so he can pick it up but he stops me and ignores it. I'm starting to relax in him again but it starts ringing all over.

"Let me get this real quick" he gets off the couch and goes all the way to the bathroom but doesn't open the door. I lie down on the couch and cant help hearing his phone conversation.

"Yes I'm coming......... I don't think she can make it I'll come alone. I know I know she didn't get it.......... I'll be late........ Who?....What?...... I can't believe I'm missing this man!........." he laughs for a while and I find myself smiling. I wish I could be as happy as he is right now.

"Coming, coming...... I'm coming........" he ends the call and comes back to the sitting room but since I am stretched on this one he sits on the opposite couch. he has a smile plastered on his face that he can't help having.

"Who was it?" I ask changing my position to face him

"Gabe and the guys. Its nothing." he smiles at me and starts checking his phone

"So are you staying? Maybe we could order pizza and ice cream.......?" I eagerly ask him and he comes back on the couch and places my head on his lap.

"Maybe we could go out and have Fun. It might cheer you up"

"I don't think my body or my minds are up to it. I just want to lay in bed in your arms so I can forget all about today and plan the future." I hug his waist from the couch and bury my head further into him.

'I know but I can't stay. really I want to'

'Why not?"

"You remember the project I was working on?"

"Yes. What?"

"It was a major success. We are opening a new branch in German. It is a billions of dollars project and I super headed the whole thing"

"Oh my god! That's great news! I'm so proud and happy for you" I can't help standing up and giving him a tight embrace at least some happy news even if it's not mine

"When did this happen? why didn't you say anything?" I ask her as soon as we sit down again

"Last Friday" he is still so happily smiling

"Then why didn't you say anything?"

"You were still working on getting that promotion I didn't want to destroy to distract you besides I knew you were going to get it"

"Ooooh!" I feel so loved right now. This man.

"I actually planned a party for us today. I invited your friends but I told them it was a surprise not to say anything"

"No you didn't..."

"I did. Now I just feel bad. I have to at least show up, can't throw a party and not attend at all"

"Okay but your all coming for the night though, right?"

"I don't know how to say this'' his happy smiley is starting to fade away

"To say what?"

"It was a party to congratulate you and a farewell for me to my colleagues and friends here"

"Farewell? I don't understand"

"The new branch in Germany. I'm going to be managing it"

"Well......okay then" I shrug since I don't get what you're trying

to say to me right now

"it's a five years

project. I'm moving to Germany"

"You're doing what?"

"I'm trying to explain it to you" he tries to hold my hands. I

stand up and stare at him. I don't know why but the whole thing is just not

right

"So you're moving to Germany for five years?" he shakes his head

"It's okay. It's fine. There's still time we will figure it out.

It's going to be okay" I find myself saying and I don't know if I'm telling

Derek or telling myself

"The process has already started. Since I'm overseeing the whole

thing I'm going ahead to make sure everything is in order"

"ummh.....Okay?"

"I'm leaving on Friday Bri. that's also why I can stay the night

and I am still arranging things" we are both quiet for what feels like the

longest time and I can't process this new information today "bri! Brianna! Come

on talk to me"

"And say what exactly?"

"Anything. please"

"You knew these for weeks and you said nothing. You're leaving.

I have no job, no career nothing."

"Bri come on. You were working on your own promotion. I'm sure

if you had the same opportunity you would have gone to it"

"You just promised to be with me through this"

"Yes I am"

"How? How? You're leaving" I can't help it but I find myself

shouting

"Brianna listen. This has not been a great day for you and I

didn't want to make it worse but it had to be done" he kisses my cheek, picks

up his jacket and proceed to put it on

"I'll check on you tomorrow when you have settled down"

"Like that going to happen. Or what you have a job for me in

Germany over there?" I am full of the venom that I just want to poison him with

so he can hurt.

"Goodnight Bri." and just like that he takes his leave and leaves

me alone in this lonely apartment that I wont to be able to afford or be able

to pay the bills for.

Germany. I feel like I already lost him to it and I blame the

damn country for it right now. I cant believe he chose her over me.

Derik doesn't show up the next day though he calls. On the day of his departure he asks me to meet him at the airport so I can say goodbye but I'm too mad at him right now to go so I declined. I have been in my apartment for a week now. I don't even want to step outside, I just eat, watch TV and go to bed. I know I have to start looking for another job soon but it'll come so I'm taking a break from the world for a while.

Alice my best friend since forever has been calling nonstop and stopped by twice to check on me but I don't feel like talking to her right now. I know what she's going to say anyway and what she wants me to do from her instant messages. Apparently Derek told Alice what happened. I have texted back that I am fine and she shouldn't be worried but she is not taking it, so I turned my phone off to block the negative energy.

Now sitting here binging on the TV and she interrupts with her banging at the door .why can't she just leave me alone?

"Bri! I swear if you don't answer this damn door I'm calling your mum" the pounding grows louder just when I think she's given up.

'I'm calling her right now." I let out a breath as my day is already destroyed and I really think she will call because she is crazy sometimes. I'm heading over to open the door

"Then after I'm done I'm going to call the cops" this bitch is actually threating me. I open the door on her and she has one hand raised to knock on the door and the other is on her phone on her ear.

"A bit dramatic that you think?" I ask and get back inside the apartment and return on the couch

"What is that smell? This place is horrible. My God" she is sniffing the air and has her nose turned up. She is soon in Alice mode opening Windows, collecting garbage, dirty dishes and clothes all over the place. We haven't said a word to each other and I just let her do what she wants with the place. After the place is breathable she stands in front of the television. I guess we are doing this now

"Now what?" I ask her wakingng from the couch and staying in a sitting position

"Do you know how worried I have been? what is wrong with you?"

"I told you I am fine. didn't you get my texts?"

"Seriously?"

"whaaat?" she sighs and comes to sit on the couch

"Stop it okay. You're getting another job and fuck Derek. I already gave him a piece of my mind"

"Well thanks I guess"

"I'm not here to make you feel worse. I'm here to make you feel better"

"I know. I'm sorry. I just wanted to be alone"

"It's okay because you don't have to be alone. I am your ride-or-die" she winks at me and I can't help but laugh a little.

She cheers me up a bit and makes us dinner. We eat together and she wants to sleep over but I insist I am okay. We aren't in second grade anymore. She leaves and I go to bed feeling slightly better about myself and I did before so it's a good night.

The next week is not very great. There are no available positions and I feel myself going crazy with the job hunt. Alice advices I contact a job agency to help me with the job hunting as they have the connections and Resources I don't and I do. It's been a week already since and I haven't heard anything. I really have to find something fast before the end of the month or I'm going to end up homeless and have to move back home with my mother. I don't know what's worse and I'm not looking forward to it.

Two weeks or one week to the end of the month and Alice says I'm going depressed. I have to cheer up and do something fun out of the house since I haven't been Out of the house much lately. I don't feel like it but Alice is kind of bossy. She has this party that their office is throwing and she asked me to come as her guest and mingle.

"There will be important people there maybe you can even find connections for your job besides you get to have free drinks and a lot of fun" she hugs me and invades my wardrobe to choose a dress for me

"I love this blue dress. It goes well with your eyes and hugs your curves perfectly" she puts it on the bed and picks up matching shoes then a clutch. Alice is a stylish designer so I know she knows what she is doing. I just watch her work my wardrobe to her full content.

"Why are you still sitting there? "She asks touching her waist

"I like watching you work it" I tease

"Take that shower, you're going to make me late. I have a reputation to keep you know"

"I know. A reputation with the boss" she acts shocked and I hurry to take a shower