Customary Conflict And True Love

That morning the weather in Padang City was very bright, Ridwan and Kintani who that day planned to go home together to their village to hold their engagement event, were already on the veranda of Mr. Hendra and Mrs. Indri's adoptive parents' house.

"Hopefully your engagement event goes smoothly," was Mrs. Indri's hope and prayer.

"Amen," said Ridwan and Kintani together.

"We're taking our leave to go home to the village," continued Ridwan and Kintani while taking turns greeting Mr. Hendra and Mrs. Indri.

"Yes, son, be careful on the road, okay? Convey our greetings to your parents," requested Mr. Hendra, Kintani and Ridwan nodded their heads while smiling.

The journey from Padang City to the village where they were born took approximately 5 hours. Around 1 pm, the car driven by Kintani stopped in front of Ridwan's parents' house, Kintani only got out and stopped for a while then she got back into the car and went to her parents' house.

In relation to the agreement that had been planned long ago by Ridwan and Kintani's parents to immediately tie their sons and daughters in an engagement, Ridwan and Kintani decided to return to their village that day.

Their decision to return to their village was not without reason, besides wanting to hasten their engagement ceremony, at that time it also coincided with Kintani's semester break. The engagement ceremony itself was planned to be held tomorrow morning, Ridwan's family had rented a vehicle to go together to visit Kintani's family house.

The weather that morning was not friendly, black clouds blended together to cover the blue sky. Not long after, the rain fell, getting heavier and heavier, but that was not a barrier for Ridwan's family to carry out their plan to visit Kintani's family house.

With the Avanza car rented by Ridwan and his driver, Ridwan and the two people along with Fitria, his younger sister, set off for the Kintani family's residence located in the P sub-district.

About 15 minutes, the Avanza car containing Ridwan and his family arrived at the courtyard of the magnificent house owned by Mr. Wisnu and his family, using umbrellas they got out of the car and stepped onto the terrace of the house.

"Asalamualaikum," said Mr. Rustam and his family.

"Waalaikum salam," replied Mr. Wisnu and his family from inside the house.

"Come in, please!" invited Mr. Wisnu accompanied by his family members approaching Mr. Rustam and his family at the front door.

"Thank you, Mr. Wisnu," said Mr. Rustam.

In the room that had been prepared for the engagement between Ridwan and Kintani, the two family groups sat according to the customs that still apply to this day in the sub-district in West Sumatra Province.

For the men, they sat cross-legged, while for the women, they sat kneeling. After introducing themselves to each other, it was time for the Mamak (Uncle) from Kintani who had a high position according to tradition in the Minang family to recite a proverb to start the event.

"Mr. Rustam whom we respect, before continuing to the main event. It would be better if we ask first, what is the purpose and intention of your visit here?" asked Gindo, Kintani's uncle.

"We respect your brother Gindo, Uncle from Kintani, the purpose of our coming here is to propose to your nephew to be our son-in-law," answered Mr. Rustam.

"Before that I also want to ask, where is Ridwan's Uncle? Why is he not here? Doesn't Ridwan have an Uncle anymore?"

"Forgive us, brother Gindo, it is not that we are taking tradition lightly by not bringing our son's Uncle here. But he is far away on the island of Java, before we came here we had discussed our purpose and intention, he gave me a mandate to represent him in conveying the purpose and intention that we conveyed earlier," said Mr. Rustam.

"Okay, Mr. Rustam, the fish in the pond are clearly male and female, just as we are also clear about the purpose and goal of your family coming here. We have also discussed before providing this room where we will hold the engagement ceremony between Ridwan, Mr. Rustam's son, and Kintani, Mr. Wisnu's daughter, Sutan Bagindo's niece, there is one more question we would like to ask," said Uncle Gindo, reciting a proverb.

"Please, brother Gindo, what else do you want to ask?"

"We in this Minangkabau land consist of various tribes, not having a tribe means not having customs. What we want to ask is, does Ridwan, your son, have a tribe based on his mother's lineage?" asked Uncle Gindo.

"Of course there is, brother Gindo, because we are Minang people who until now still uphold customs and traditions. Based on our mother's lineage, our son Ridwan is of the caniago tribe," said Mr. Rustam.

The entire Kintani family was shocked, it was not because of the thunder that roared in the midst of the heavy rain outside the house, but because of Mr. Rustam's statement that Ridwan was of the Caniago tribe. Especially Sutan Bagindo, Kintani's uncle, he jumped when he was sitting cross-legged in the room, but he tried to control his emotions when he glanced at Kintani's parents.

Uncle Gindo moved from his seat to approach Mr. Rustam sitting in the opposite direction in the room, Mr. Rustam himself did not know at all why the entire Kintani family was shocked by the statement he had given earlier.

"Brother Rustam, we should talk about this in the middle room. Where only Kintani's two parents, Brother Rustam and Sister Suci, are allowed to join. Ridwan and Kintani can wait here for now," Uncle Gindo asked in a whisper to Mr. Rustam.

"Okay, let's go!" Mr. Rustam stood up from his seat after inviting Mrs. Suci to join them into the middle room where Kintani's parents and Uncle Gindo were waiting.

Ridwan and Kintani who were not invited to the living room were seen sitting face to face with a distance as wide as the front room of the luxurious house owned by Mr. Wisnu and his family, not a single word was spoken from their lips, they looked confused as to why Uncle Gindo invited their parents to the living room to talk about something that was of course kept secret from the two of them.

"Excuse me in advance, what is it that Brother Gindo asked us both to come to this room?" asked Mr. Rustam.

"Woe to you Brother Rustam! This is really bad and dangerous, we never expected it at all," said Uncle Gindo.

"Woe to you how? We don't understand," asked Mr. Rustam again.

"Brother must know that in this Minang land there are many tribes, which in our customs, it is forbidden to have love affairs, let alone marry within the same tribe," said Uncle Gindo.

"What Brother Gindo means..." before Mr. Rustam finished speaking, Uncle Gindo interrupted.

"Yes, Ridwan and Kintani are both Caniago. And that means they are siblings," Uncle Gindo shook his head and rubbed his face.

"Gosh, how could this happen!?!" Mr. Rustam exclaimed in shock.

"Did they know from the start when they met?" this time it was Mrs. Suci who asked.

"I don't know, I don't think they knew that they were from the same tribe," Mrs. Anggini answered.

"This is Uncle Ridwan's mistake for not telling his nephew about our customs including his tribe," said Uncle Gindo blaming Uncle Ramli.

"Don't just blame one party, it's not good, Brother Gindo himself, has he ever told Kintani about it? Absolutely not, right?" Mrs. Anggini, who is Uncle Gindo's younger sister, defended her Uncle Ridwan.

"Well, that's it, Brother. Ants across the ocean are visible, but elephants in our own eyes are invisible," added Mr. Wisnu, joining in the grilling of Uncle Gindo who only blamed Uncle Ridwan, while he himself as Kintani's uncle never told us about his nephew's tribe and traditions.

"Enough, enough! We don't need to question who is right and who is wrong, this is a warning for us who have been careless in educating and informing our nephews about traditions. Until now they are the victims," said Uncle Gindo who felt cornered.

"So what is the solution, do we continue with this engagement?" asked Mrs. Anggini.

"No way, Anggini. We must still uphold traditions and customs, if we ignore that and still force Kintani to be engaged to Ridwan, it is the same as throwing dirt in our own faces, it would be so embarrassing!" replied Uncle Gindo.

It should be noted that in the Minangkabau tradition itself there are many tribes, including; Koto, Piliang, Caniago, Sikumbang, Melayu, Jambak, and many more.

Being within the scope of one tribe is a brotherhood even though they are not blood related, one of the provisions that must not be violated is marrying within the same tribe or the same tribe. For example, the Caniago tribe is not allowed to marry someone who is also of the Caniago tribe, if that is violated there will be severe sanctions according to customs.

The worst sanction if violated is being banished from the tradition, Uncles who have an important position in a family will never approve or come if their nephew marries someone from the same tribe.

Being banished from the tradition here also prohibits holding wedding events, let alone wedding receptions, marriage is not allowed in that area. If a couple from the same tribe still insists on getting married, then they must leave that area or their hometown.

Another sanction they received was the loss of their rights to inheritance in the extended family, if in the past the entire family would also be affected by all of that, in the form of shame and being ostracized from community life for an indefinite period of time.

However, in this modern era, the impact of this sanction only applies to couples who marry within the same tribe, and now not all areas in West Sumatra enforce this sanction. In the area where Ridwan and Kintani come from, this is still enforced, the people there still uphold the customs and traditions passed down from their ancestors since the past.

"Then what about Brother Gindo?" this time it was Mr. Rustam who asked, he was also very devastated by this reality.

"The only way we have to separate them, and that means it is no longer permissible for them to have a loving relationship," answered Uncle Gindo.

"But the problem now is, Ridwan and Kintani are in the same city. Ridwan works there, while Kintani is studying," Mrs. Anggini was also confused about how to separate them.

"Let's put it this way, doesn't Ridwan have an uncle who now lives in Jakarta?"

"That's right, brother, Gindo," replied Mr. Rustam.

"Well, how about we tell Ridwan to go with his uncle there? Regarding the cost of going to Jakarta, we will cover it later," offered Uncle Gindo.

"Regarding the cost of Ridwan going to Jakarta, we think we can still afford it. What we are worried about now is how they feel, how devastated Ridwan and Kintani will be after we tell them all this," said Mrs. Suci.

"What can we do, Sister Suci. We are forced to act like that, so that our extended family will not be embarrassed later. And we have to keep this a secret," said Uncle Gindo.

"Okay, now we will take Ridwan home. At home later we will tell them about the engagement that we canceled," said Mr. Rustam.

"Yes Brother Rustam, we will also tell Kintani about it after you leave. Actually, we don't have the heart because they didn't know anything about this from the start, but what can we do, we will bear all the risks," Uncle Gindo said in a heavy tone.

"Ridwan, let's go home now," invited Mrs. Suci who had come out of the living room.

"Hey, hasn't the main event started yet, Mom?" Ridwan looked surprised by his mother's invitation to go home, as did Kintani.

"Later, Mom and Dad will explain when we get home." This time, it was Mr. Rustam who persuaded his son to go home.

Even though he had a tired face and was curious, Ridwan, who was also known to be obedient to both of them, followed Mr. Rustam and Mrs. Suci's invitation to go home.

After Ridwan left, who was invited back home by his parents, Uncle Gindo, Mr. Wisnu and Mrs. Anggini approached Kintani who was still sitting cross-legged in the room where the engagement ceremony was planned to be held.

"Kintani, Uncle wants to talk to you about something. I hope you can understand it later," Uncle Gindo started the conversation.

"What's wrong, Uncle?" Kintani asked curiously because she saw Ridwan had just been taken home by his parents.

"It's like this, Kintani, it's actually hard for me to say because I know this won't be easy for you to accept. But what can I do, I have to reveal what really happened," Uncle Gindo paused for a moment, he seemed to take a deep breath.

"We canceled your engagement with Ridwan," Uncle Gindo had not finished speaking when Kintani interrupted.

"What? Canceled? Why is that, Uncle? Father, Mother! What really happened, why did it turn out like this?" Kintani was shocked beyond belief and she increasingly did not understand what her uncle was saying.

"The reason is because it turns out you are from the same tribe and that is prohibited by our customs, therefore we have decided to cancel your engagement with Ridwan. Not only that, Kintani, we are forced to separate you both and you are no longer allowed to have a relationship like you have had for the past 2 years," said Uncle Gindo.

"You are evil! You are heartless! How could you have the heart to separate me from Uda Ridwan!" Kintani's outburst of emotion could not be contained, she sobbed, unable to accept the reality.

"Uncle knows this is not your fault, but this really cannot continue. Because not only you, but our entire family will be embarrassed, Kintani," Uncle Gindo tried to make his hysterical niece understand.

"Mother...!" unable to hold back her sadness, Kintani stood up from her kneeling position and ran to Mrs. Anggini's lap who was also in tears.

Unable to bear it all, Kintani fainted and of course made her parents and uncle even more panicked. Kintani was taken and laid in her room, after that Mr. Wisnu and Uncle Gindo went back out to the living room while Mrs. Anggini continued to accompany her daughter who was lying unconscious in her room.

"When it's like this, we'll remember all the important things that we have to explain related to understanding customs and traditions to children, grandchildren, and nieces," said Mr. Wisnu who was sitting leaning in the front room with Uncle Gindo.

"I never thought something like this would happen in our family, this is quite a difficult problem for us to face. It won't be easy to give Kintani an understanding in her condition like this, we should wait for the right time to give her an understanding, give her a chance to calm down in the next few days," said Uncle Gindo.

A few minutes later Mrs. Anggini was seen coming out of her daughter's room, she immediately joined her sitting in the front room where the engagement ceremony was going to be held.

"Kintani is awake, Anggini?" asked Mr. Wisnu.

"Not yet, Bang," Mrs. Anggini called her husband Abang.

"Don't worry too much Wisnu, what Kintani experienced is normal because of the mental pressure that she couldn't stand, it won't be long before she regains consciousness," said Uncle Gindo.

Meanwhile, Ridwan and his family had arrived back at their house, after the driver who also rented his car to take Ridwan's family left, Mr. Rustam and his family sat in the living room.

"Ridwan, now it's time for Dad to tell you why you brought her home before the engagement ceremony was held," Mr. Rustam started their conversation in the living room.

"Yes, Dad," even though he was curious, Ridwan tried to be patient and calm as he listened to his father tell him everything.

"It's like this, Ridwan, we were forced to cancel your engagement with Kintani. The reason is that you are from the same tribe and that is prohibited by Minangkabau customs," said Mr. Rustam in a heavy tone.

"Duaaaaaar...!" like lightning struck in broad daylight when Ridwan listened to his father's explanation, his body felt hot and cold as if he had a fever, his lips trembled and he found it difficult to speak.

"So..so, how is it, Dad?" Ridwan stuttered, not knowing what to say or ask.

"No one from our side or Kintani's side thought this would happen, you need to know Ridwan, people of the same tribe or tribe are brothers and are not allowed to have a love affair, let alone get married. That has been the case from the past until now," said Mr. Rustam.

"You have to be patient, okay, son? All of that cannot be opposed, because as a Minang person, we are required to always uphold customs and having a love affair with the same tribe is the most opposed thing since the past," added Mrs. Suci, trying to calm Ridwan's heart which now felt like it was shattered into pieces.

"I really love Kintani, Mom."

"Yes, I know that, but we cannot insist on opposing something that is strictly prohibited in our customs and tribe. You and Kintani are both Caniago, even though you are not blood related, in the customs that still apply today you are brothers." Ridwan's chest felt crushed holding back the turmoil that could bring tears, he lowered his head weakly with his whole body shaking. For the first time he fell in love and truly loved a girl, and for the first time he also felt the bitterness of reality.

"You two must try to forget each other, for that, I also ask you to remove your cellphone card and replace it with a new one. Likewise, Kintani's contact number on your cellphone must be deleted right now, the applications where you usually communicate must also be deleted all," requested Mr. Rustam.

"Yes, Dad," Ridwan gave his cellphone to Fitria with the intention of asking his younger sibling to remove the sim card from his cellphone and then delete all chat applications.

Ridwan fell into tears because he tried as hard as he could so that it would not spill down his cheeks, while Fitria was unable to hold back her tears, while taking out the sim card and deleting all applications and Kintani's contact number from her brother's cellphone, she sobbed.

"One more thing you have to do, Ridwan. Tomorrow you are no longer allowed to live and work in Padang City, you have to go to Jakarta to meet your uncle who is there," requested Mr. Rustam again to his son.

"Okay, Dad, but before going to Jakarta, I ask for a day to stop by in Padang City. Besides most of my clothes are at Mr. Hendra and Mrs. Indri's house, I also want to say goodbye to them and my friends who are shop owners and traders at the market," Ridwan asked his father.

"Yes, Dad allows it. After that you have to leave Padang City, Dad will tell your uncle right now, Suci call Ramli," said Mr. Rustam then asked his wife to contact Ramli, Ridwan's uncle.

"Assalamualikum, Sister," greeted Uncle Ramli answering the call on his cellphone.

"Waalaikum salam, Ramli," replied Mrs. Suci.

"What's wrong, Sister?"

"Brother Rustam, let him explain," Mrs. Suci gave her cellphone to Mr. Rustam.

"Ramli, good fortune cannot be pursued, bad fortune cannot be achieved. The engagement plan of your nephew Ridwan with Kintani had to be canceled," said Mr. Rustam interspersed with proverbs.

"Canceled? Why is that?" Uncle Ramli was surprised.

"The reason is because Ridwan and Kintani are of the same tribe."

"Gosh, so how will the Kintani family respond when they find out about all that?!"