Confessions of a Nun

There was always a subtle scent of candle wax and old wood in the convent. Sunlight streamed through the high stained-glass windows, creating soft gentle red, blue, and gold patches on the stone floor. Emily knelt before the altar, fingers slipping gently over her rosary beads as she whispered her morning prayer.

Her life was quiet. Predictable. Peaceful.

It was about to explode. Outside the chapel, there was a loud clatter that broke the silence.

There was a voice, "ETHAN! YOU LITTLE-"

Her eyes snapped open in surprise.

Outside, a man in a rumpled suit came barreling across the courtyard, waving a fist full of papers and shouting loud enough to wake saints. His foot caught on a potted plant-and down he went, face-first into the flowerbed.

"Oh no!" Emily gasped, robes flying as she rushed outside.

Wiping dirt from his cheek, the man moaned. "Is this the House of Holy Radiance?"

She knelt next to him and said, "Yes, are you okay?"

"What does 'okay' mean? I just had to wrestle a pigeon for directions, get kicked off a bus, and fly across the country. Now, I found you." He squinted at her, brushed off his suit, and stood. "You're Ethan, correct?"

She blinked, "My name is Emily."

He hesitated, "Twin sister?"

Slowly, she nodded.

He exhaled a long, dramatic sigh of relief, "Enough close!"

"Excuse me?" She asked, taking a small step back. "Who are you?"

He smiled and made a theatrical bow. "Mr Edward , your brother's personal manager. He is a budding superstar and in serious trouble right now.

She furrowed her brows. "Is Ethan having problems?"

"Well, sure. However, let's begin at the beginning." He displayed a glossy folder containing numerous photographs, including one of her brother practicing choreography on stage and another of him clumsily holding an upside-down microphone. "Your brother tried out to join Zero Saints as a new member. He succeeded."

Emily's gaze expanded. "Did he?" Even though she had only seen the band on TV once when she was a kid.

"Indeed! He was amazing. It's almost a miracle that even the Great Mason Brookes didn't despise him. However, after that..." He stopped abruptly. "A catastrophe occurred."

"What happened?" She asked.

"Eye surgery," Mr Edward said, apologetically. "He had a small operation in the U.S, there were complications. He will be unable to fly for at least a month. The agency won't postpone the debut.

She scowled. "That's terrible! I should go see him soon. But, how is it related to- "

He pointed to her and said, "You! You'll be Ethan, only for a short time. A month. That's all."

Emily stepped back completely, "What? I'm training to become a nun! That's an abomination! I only even have skirts and gowns."

Mr Edward smiled. "No problem, pulling out a duffel bag. We had some with us! Makeup, wigs, jeans are all available!"

She gave a headshake. "No. No. This is so crazy."

He realized that this would be harder than he thought and tried to convince her the more.

He softened his voice and said, "Listen. Ethan's fame didn't come from simply joining Zero Saints. He is trying to find someone.

She paused, "Who?"

He gave a nod, "Your mum."

She gasped.

He took a step towards her, "He believes that their lead producer, or someone close to the agency is aware of her identity. He thinks it's the only way he can ever locate her. He did this for you two."

Emily's world swung aside. Like a faraway song, the name "mother" reverberated.

When they were just toddlers, they had been abandoned at an orphanage. Ethan had always thought she was still alive, somewhere. Emily had long since given up on hope.

"He truly believes he can locate her?" She muttered.

Mr Edward remarked softly, "I've never seen him more determined." 'She will go if I can't,' quoting Ethan.

Emily's hands shook. "I sing hymns. I converse with pigeons. I can't be with all these famous boys, more or less live with them. I'm a nun for crying out loud!"

Mr Edward said quickly, "They're not that bad. Well, Mason is a little... scary. Luke is also overly perceptive. Jackson might attempt to braid your hair-"

She let out a moan, "You're not helping."

He put his hands together in plea, "I'm desperate, I'd lose my job if I don't take one of you with me, please. Only a few months. After that, you can resume your holy silence and avoid wearing jeans ever again.

She looked away, at the hills behind the convent wall in the distance. Her heart was at odds with itself. But she was needed by her brother. It's possible that she also needed this.

-------------------------

The air in the sleek rehearsal studio thrummed with tension and sweat. Lights glared down from the ceiling, bouncing off chrome mic stands and glossy instruments. The faint strumming of a guitar echoed as Jackson fiddled with a chord progression. Luke sat cross-legged near the keyboard. Mason leaned against the far wall, arms folded, jaw tight, eyes half-lidded in boredom.

Mr. Raymond stepped into the room with a quiet authority that immediately cut through the low hum of rehearsal.

"Alright, boys," he said, clapping his hands once. "Listen up."

Three pairs of eyes turned toward him. Luke sat up straighter. Jackson dropped his pick. Mason didn't move, but one brow twitched.

"I have an announcement." Mr. Raymond's voice was smooth but firm. "There will be a new addition to the band, starting today. His name is Ethan Carter."

Luke blinked. "New member?"

Jackson's face lit up. "Wait-like a fourth Zero Saint? Ohhh, are we changing the band name? Zero Sinners now? Zero & Friends?"

"No," Mr. Raymond replied dryly, but with a flicker of amusement. "He'll be backup vocals and helping with choreography for now. Ethan's shown promise. The agency believes he'll bring a fresh spark."

"Nice," Luke said, already nodding. "Looking forward to hearing him."

"Yeah, fresh blood could be fun." Jackson wiggled his brows. "Hope he can sing better than I can."

Mason snorted. "That's not a high bar."

Mr. Raymond ignored them and continued. "He'll be here in a few days. I expect you all to make him feel welcome."

Mason finally pushed off the wall, his boots clicking on the polished floor. "Welcome him?" he repeated, voice laced with disdain. "Did I miss a memo where we started auditioning rookies?"

"He's not a rookie. He passed the same screening you did," Mr. Raymond said.

Mason scoffed. "Except I had to claw my way here. Didn't have someone hand me a mic and say 'go be a popstar.'"

"Mason..." Luke warned softly.

But Mason wasn't done. His voice was calm, but cold. "If he wants to be in this band, he better earn it. And not just because the suits say so. I don't care what the agency thinks."

Mr. Raymond's expression tightened. "That's enough. Take it easy on him. He's just getting started."

Mason gave a crooked smile, all sharp edges. "We'll see."

Jackson whistled under his breath. "Oof. Here we go."

"I mean it," Mr. Raymond said, gaze locked on Mason. "Guide him. Understood?"

Mason didn't answer at first. Then, with a lazy shrug, "Sure. If he doesn't trip over himself first."

Luke leaned toward Jackson and whispered, "That's Mason-speak for 'I'm going to haze him like a frat pledge.'"

Jackson grinned. "This is gonna be fun."

Two days later, Emily stood in front of the gleaming Zero Saints agency building, disguised in baggy jeans, a hoodie two sizes too big, and mirrored sunglasses that she had taken from the convent's lost-and-found box. Under her baggy sweatshirt, her heart pounded.

The doors loomed ahead, sleek and automatic, like they'd swallow her whole.

Mr Edward nudged her. "Just walk in, head high. You're Ethan now."

"I can't breathe," She muttered.

"You don't need to. Just smile...Or frown. Actually, frown. Mason frowns 98% of the time and fans still love him the most."

Stylists, interns, managers, and camera crews were all busy inside the agency. Emily ducked her head. Then she heard a voice. Sharp, cool and commanding without effort, "No neon, I said I'm not a circus tent, I'm a rockstar.

For the first time.

Her heart began to beat with ridiculous speed. She stared at the brown headed brown eyed person infront of her with a fumbled mind. Her breathing stopped. Her body stood still. Her thoughts vanished.

Her eyes opened a slight bit bigger.

And a feeling in her gut twisted. A feeling foreign and strange.

She swallowed the tight feeling in her throat. Her heart pounded. She raised her head. Mason Brookes with his flawless hair, sharp jaw, and black clothing that seemed to have been invented by him, he stood as though he had been carved out of stone. He looked around the hall as if he were silently evaluating everyone, which he most likely was.

Emily paused. Then-he looked at her. For a moment barely. Their gazes met. Her throat tightened with breath. His eyes narrowed. She quickly turned away, almost tripping over her own feet. She was caught by Mr Edward . "Steady. He can smell fear.

She muttered, "I can't do this."

"Yes you can," he said. "You already are."

Mr. Edward led her down a sleek hallway lined with platinum records and LED lighting. When they reached the executive floor, he pushed open the door to a glass office.

"Mr. Raymond?"

"Ah! Ethan!" Mr. Raymond's eyes lit up behind his desk. "Come in, come in!"

Emily stepped in, heart hammering.

Mr. Raymond rounded the desk with a warm smile, shaking her hand. "Welcome to Zero Saints. We're excited to have you."

Luke and Jackson were already there, lounging on the leather couches.

"Hey, newbie!" Jackson called, popping a chip in his mouth.

Luke gave a small wave. "Nice to finally meet you."

Mr. Raymond turned to Mr. Edward. "Start showing him around, will you?"

Emily barely nodded before-

SLAM.

The office door burst open.

Mason.

Storming in like a thunderstorm. Black hoodie. Cold eyes. Silent fury.

Everyone froze.

He didn't say a word.

Just marched straight up to Emily.

Grabbed her wrist.

"Come with me," he growled.

"Wait-Mason!" Mr. Raymond called.

"Mason, chill!" Jackson stood.

"Mason, stop," Luke warned.

But no one dared stepped forward. Not even Mr. Raymond.

Mason dragged her down the hall. Her heart thudded in her ears. She didn't dare speak.

A door opened. A studio.

He shoved it open. Pulled her in. Slammed it behind them.

He stood in front of her for a few seconds as if studying her and trying to find a fault, scanning her from top to bottom.

"Call yourself a singer?" he said, spinning on her. "Prove it."

She blinked.

"What?"

"You want in?" He stepped closer, voice cold. "Then you go through me. Sing."

Her hands shook.

Outside the glass wall, the others had gathered. Jackson pressed his face to the glass. Luke had his arms crossed. Mr. Edward's eyes were wide with panic.

Emily's throat went dry.

Sing?

She didn't know what to sing.

Then, instinctively, she closed her eyes.

Took a breath.

And began to sing-

"Alleluia... Alleluia..."

Her voice rang out, soft at first.

Then it rose.

Clear. Pure. Holy.

It was a common song in the church she usually prayed.

The studio fell silent.

Even Mason stood still.

Outside, Jackson's jaw dropped. Luke leaned forward.

Mr. Edward had tears in his eyes.

When she finished, her voice faded like incense in the air.

Silence.

Then-

Jackson clapped. "Holy hell."

Luke joined, slower, thoughtful.

Even Mr. Raymond was nodding in awe.

Mason?

He brushed past her.

Didn't say a word.

Walked out the door.

"Wait," Emily whispered, heart sinking.

Jackson grinned, slapping the doorframe. "That's Mason-speak for 'you're in.' Trust me."

Luke smiled softly clapping. "Welcome to Zero Saints, Ethan."

Emily stood frozen, breathless, heart full.

She'd passed.

She was in.

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Emily was lying on a borrowed bed in an unfamiliar dorm that night, surrounded by secrets she hadn't asked for, and wearing clothes that didn't fit. The actual Ethan lived thousands of miles away. For some reason, she felt closer to him than ever. With her wig on, she gazed at her image in the mirror. Then she shut her eyes. She prayed. Let me show courage. Don't let anyone know who I am. Footsteps echoed down the hall outside her door. The cold, low voice of Mason drifted by.

"I don't care who he is. If he screws this up, I'll throw him out myself."

"I don't care who he is. If he screws this up, I'll throw him out myself."

Behind her bedroom door, Emily froze. With her heart thumping so loudly that she could hardly hear anything else, she pressed her ear closer to the wood. The hallway was sliced like a blade by Mason's icy, piercing voice. He didn't sound upset. It felt worse somehow that he sounded deadly calm. In response, Mr Edward muttered something. It's too quiet to make out. Then there was quiet. Footsteps retreated a moment later. Emily's door creaked open just as she was about to retreat.

It was Luke.

Quiet, gentle-eyed, and somewhat obscure, he entered silently. He extended a glass of water. "You should drink this," he said. "Earlier, you appeared pale." She gave a silent nod and shakily accepted the glass. For a moment, Luke looked at her, his face unreadable. After a moment, he said, "You'll be fine. Mason doesn't bite, even when he behaves like a monster."

Emily nearly burst out laughing, but instead she wheezed. "He almost bit Mr Edward ."

Luke smiled faintly, the corners of his mouth barely lifting. "That's different. He likes chewing on managers."

"I think he hates me."

Luke turned to face the door and remarked, "He doesn't hate you. He simply doesn't believe in you." Then, almost too softly, "You could surprise him."

He left before she could find out what he meant.

The next day was a bizarre welcome party. In a room full of the biggest names in America,

Emily stood beneath a sparkling crystal chandelier while disguised in Ethan's sleek black blazer.

The champagne glasses, the floor, and the hosts' excessively whitened teeth were all sparkling. Mr Edward murmured, "Relax, Just smile, nod and whatever you do, don't open your mouth too wide."

That was easier said than done.

People were observing her everywhere she went. Some people were interested. Some doubtful. One bearded man gazed as if he could see right through her clothing and into her heart. Then, together, Zero Saints showed up. In fact, the audience gasped. Ever composed and camera-friendly, Luke waved amiably. Jackson winked at everyone he passed while wearing a suit lined with leopard print. As if he owned gravity, Mason strode into the room. Sharper scowl, sharper suit. He was so beautiful that even Emily had to acknowledge it.

And terrifying.

He didn't look at her once.

-------------------------

An hour later, she found herself hiding behind a decorative pillar, clutching a glass of... juice?

She hoped it was juice.

Her head was spinning, her blazer was itchy, and her fake mustache (courtesy of stage makeup) kept trying to slide off. And worse-people were starting to get too friendly.

A woman in a silver gown had just asked her if she wanted to "collab" sometime.

Another woman in her forties had asked for her phone number. Twice.

She ducked her head lower and tried to pretend she was a sculpture.

Then Jackson appeared, plopping down beside her with a plate full of shrimp. "Ethan, you okay? You look like you're waiting to be executed."

"I'm fine," she whispered hoarsely.

"You always talk like you swallowed a cactus."

"I'm being mysterious."

"You're being weird."

She sighed and took a sip of her drink.

Something fizzy.

Something... definitely not juice.

But it was sweet, and she needed the courage.

She took another sip.

Then another.

The lights got a little blurrier.

Jackson was still talking, something about how he trained a parrot to sing their theme song, when Mason appeared like a thundercloud in a tux.

He barely looked at her. "What are you drinking?"

She blinked up at him. "Apple juice."

He took the glass, sniffed it.

His expression darkened instantly. "This is champagne."

Her eyes widened.

"Oh," she said slowly. "That explains... the bubbles."

"Did you drink the whole-"

And that was when it happened.

Emily doubled over, covered her mouth, and projectile vomited over Mason's spotless, custom-tailored shoes.

The room froze.

So did her soul.

Mason looked down at the mess. His jaw clenched. One eye twitched.

Everyone was staring now-cameras, staff, fans.

Jackson dropped his shrimp.

Mr Edward gasped somewhere behind a wall.

Emily, in a panic, bowed deeply. "I'm so-hic!-sorry!"

Mason said nothing.

He just turned, dripping shoes and all, and walked out of the room like a god returning to his underworld-leaving a trail of horror behind him.

-------------------------

The silence in the dorms was unbearable. Emily held a moist towel to her red face as she sat on the edge of her bed. Instead, she had changed clothes, washed her hands six times, and contemplated going to Tibet to become a monk. The door opened with a creak. She leaped. Dry and angry, Mason entered.

He remained silent for a while. "Do you think this is a joke?" he asked sharply.

"No," she muttered.

"You humiliated me in front of everyone."

"I didn't mean to-"

"You're clumsy, weak and completely out of place."

Her head snapped up. Her throat dried.

Their eyes locked.

Just three words.

"One more mistake."

Emily barely slept. Mason's voice kept echoing in her head.

"One more mistake."

She bit her lip to contain her tears as she gazed at the ceiling. She spent years preparing to become a nun and now, in some way, she was vomiting on America 's most well-known reclusive celebrity while posing as a male idol. "Lord, pardon me, but I think I might be doomed," she muttered as she curled into a ball.

The next morning Emily gripped the edge of the washbasin with shaking fingers as she gazed into the mirror. The party's champagne incident came first, lord knows what's going to happen next.

"You can do this," she whispered to her reflection as she sprayed cold water on her face. You can pretend to be a boy. Simply avoid making eye contact, avoid smiling too much and definitely don't cry.

She was startled by a knock at the door. The knob turned and he entered before she could respond. Without even looking up, Mason yelled, " Ethan, Did you touch my moisturiser and-"

He came to a stop. Emily's hands instinctively went to her partially buttoned shirt.

Their eyes locked.

Mason slammed the bathroom door behind him, it seemed as though the entire dorm had gone silent. Emily's heart was beating so hard she thought it might crack her ribs as she stood still with her back against the chilly tiled wall, heart pounding so hard she thought it would crack her ribs. Her secret was out and the one person she'd feared would discover it-the cold, sharp-eyed Mason Brookes-now knew.

"Wait...w-what is this?" Mason asked in disbelief.

Emily's eyes widened, "I can explain-"

"This must be a joke..really." Mason laughed out loud. He laughed for a whole ten seconds and Emily just stared at him not knowing what to say.

"Mason you don't understand, I'm helping my twin brother he's in the hospital and can't-"

"Don't," he snapped.

Emily looked down, biting her lower lip. Silence.

"Unbelievable." Mason's voice sharpened. "I'm telling Mr Ray right now," he seethed, reaching for his phone. "You've fooled everyone long enough but not me."

"No!" she cried tears spilled down her cheeks, stepping forward instinctively. "Please-don't. I'll tell him myself."

Mason paused, phone still in his hand.

"I will," she whispered, voice trembling but steady. "I'll tell him tomorrow and leave."

He stared at her. Searching for any crack in her resolve.

Her hands were clenched into fists at her sides. She was pale, shaking slightly, but not backing down.

"Fine," he said coldly.

He turned and walked away, slamming the door behind him.

EMILY's POV:

I didn't cry when Mason slammed the door.

Not right away.

I just stood there, staring at the empty space where he'd been, like if I stared long enough, he might come back. Like maybe it was all a bad dream and I could rewind and do it right this time.

But you can't rewind real life.

You can't undo the look on someone's face when they realize you're not who they thought you were.

So I sank to the floor. Shirt still on. Chest tight.

And I cried.

Not the pretty kind. The ugly, silent, shaking kind of crying where your whole body feels like it's caving in. Because it wasn't just about Mason knowing. It was everything.

All of it crashing down.

I thought about my mom.

The woman I don't remember but think about every single day. The one who left us at a church doorstep like we were a mistake she couldn't keep. The one I've made up stories about in my head since I was six just so I didn't have to believe the truth - that she didn't want us.

I don't know how long I cried.

Long enough for the tears to stop falling but for my chest to still ache like something was caving in.

When the sobs finally faded, I sat in silence

I wiped my face with the sleeve of my shirt, even though the fabric was already soaked. My eyes were puffy, my throat raw, my heart just... numb.

I forced myself up off the floor, legs shaky, hands trembling as I stared at my reflection.

Red eyes. Patchy skin. Lips trembling with things I couldn't say.

I breathed in.

Out.

Again.

I dressed up like Ethan again and left my room for the first time.

One foot in front of the other.

I opened the studio door, stepped into the light like nothing inside me was broken...

And pretended to be fine.

The rest of the day was very weird. I could see Mason looking at me from the side of his eyes from time to time. I know he was very furious about finding out who I was. I pretended I didn't see him till practice was over then quickly went to my room before anyone would try to talk to me.

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At night, Emily sat numbly on her bed. Her things were already packed, including the small silver cross necklace she still kept hidden in the lining of her bag, the neatly folded clothes, and the picture of her and Ethan as kids. It will all be over tomorrow. Everything she did to keep her brother safe. In this crazy, vibrant world, all her little moments of happiness. Over.

At least she wouldn't be a burden to Mason any longer.

It was long coming.

She avoided crying. She couldn't. However, Mr. Edward 's face fell when he entered and saw her suitcase.

She had called him earlier telling him of the incident.

"Are you really going to tell him?" He asked quietly.

"I have to," she uttered. "Mason knows. If I don't, he will."

Sitting next to her, Mr Edward 's typically tense energy was oddly muted, "I apologise reverend sister."

"I'm sorry," she said, "I tried my best."

"I know," he said quietly. "I should've never asked you to do this. It wasn't fair of me."

She forced a smile. "You did it for us. I understand."

But he didn't smile back. He just looked at her for a long time-guilt heavy in his eyes.

Then he stood up, "Try to get some rest."

Emily nodded. "You too."

She failed to notice how he lingered at the door and made one final turn around.

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Before the meeting with Mr. Raymond the following morning, Emily went for a lengthy stroll through the studio gardens. She respectfully requested a meeting over the phone at the office of the company manager, Mr Raymond. He consented to meet her that afternoon. On the way, she practiced her confession a hundred times. "I'm not Ethan. I'm his twin sister, Emily."

But when she finally stood before the manager, sitting across from his neatly arranged desk, something in her heart shifted.

The manager, Mr. Ray, busy flipping through schedules, finally looked up. "You asked to speak with me, Ethan?" He said, "Is there something bothering you?" His brows arched.

"Yes," she said, voice wavering at first. "I... I wanted to tell you something."

He tilted his head. "Go ahead." He said. "Is it Mason?"

Emily stared down at her hands, fingers clasped tightly in her lap.

She thought of her brother-smiling, hopeful, full of dreams about using music to find their mother.

She thought of how hard she'd tried, how much she wanted to carry that dream for both of them.

And in that moment, she made a choice.

"I... I wanted to thank you," she said, surprising even herself. "For giving me such an opportunity to be here, it's really an honor sir. Music means a lot to me. It's how I feel connected to someone most important to me."

The manager became a little softer. "We appreciate your gratitude. Just be sure to put in a lot of effort. You are now Zero Saints, not just Ethan. She bowed. "Yes, sir. I get it."

At that moment, the truth was absorbed.

But, she had another feeling in her chest as she left the office.

Hope

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Mason saw her enter the dorm that evening as the glass doors slid open. With his arms folded and his jaw clenched, he was leaning against the stairwell. "You're still here," he said sternly.

She paused. "Yes."

"You were supposed to report yourself and leave."

"I didn't."

He squinted his eyes.

She inhaled deeply before moving in closer. "I considered every possibility about my reason for coming here. My mother was absent when my brother and I were growing up. The only thing we had in common with her was music. We agreed that one day we would use it to locate her, my brother believes someone here would know her."

Mason remained silent.

He looked a little concerned but masked it up with his ever arrogant look.

With a firm yet quiet voice, Emily declared, "I'm not giving up yet. I'll stick around and finish this. For him."

He stared at her for a long time, unable to read.

Finally, he let out a sigh. "I disagree with you," he whispered. "And if anything goes wrong, I'm not taking responsibility. You're on your own."

"I understand," she said softly.

He turned to walk away but paused mid-step.

"And don't expect me to be nice about it."

"I wasn't," she replied with a small smile.

He glanced back.

There was a flicker in his expression-something warmer than before. But it passed quickly.

She reached out impulsively. "Wait. Please... don't tell the others. Not yet."

He stared at her hand, then her face.

After a moment, he nodded.

"But be more careful," he said. "You won't need me to expose you if you make one more mistake. The entire world will assist you.

Emily gave a nod. "I'll."

With less weight between them than before, he turned and ascended the stairs. She surveyed the now-calm dorm. Mr Edward is still nowhere to be found. She had called him that morning but it went to voicemail.

She picked up her phone to call again but the same thing occurred. It went straight to voicemail.

However, she wasn't really bothered at the time. Music was on her mind as well as her mom. perhaps, just possibly... the odd, surprising partnership she formed with a sassy idol named Mason Brookes.