Coming Alive

Serena turned over in bed. She had been doing that for a while.

No matter how much she tried, she just couldn't sleep. She looked longingly at the figure snoring slightly beside her, then she looked away again. How could he sleep with no care when she was on fire here?

She wanted to resent him sometimes, but then she couldn't because he was her love. They had known each other forever, and he had kept his promise and married her. They have a house of their own that was a joint gift from their parents, and he was an ideal husband.

All she had to do was learn to be an ideal wife, which she seemed to be finding difficulties with. An ideal wife didn't work when her husband and family told her that was the right thing to do, but Serena had found that difficult to accept.

What on earth had she slaved through school for? She had felt betrayed too that Mathew had waited till after their wedding to tell her that he did not want his wife to work; he wanted her to be a full housewife like his mother. Just like her mother.

Serena could still remember how unhappy she had been, and she had fought him then with bitter words. Words she still couldn't believe were uttered by her. The way Mathew's eyes had widened then also indicated that he was shocked too.

She calmed down immediately after she saw that look. After all, she didn't want to shock her husband. She wanted to be a good wife just like her mother was.

Mathew had heaved a sigh when he saw that her tirade was over. Then he touched her shoulder gently.

"I don't want to fight with you, Serena. I know you are still upset right now, but you will soon find out that it is for the best. We are not lacking anything, are we? My job as a marketer is going fine. The salary is good, and I might even get promoted very soon. We have this house, and we do not have to spend much on food or anything. What else do you need to work for when I can take good care of the family? You just need to take care of the house and the children we will have soon. That is not too much to ask, is it?"

He had asked in the reasonable tone that had been one of the things she loved about him. She had felt secure in his maturity when most of their mates in school had been so immature.

Mathew had been so stable and reliable, that she never had to worry about a cheating partner like most of her friends.

Her roommate-turned-best friend had gone through different heartbreaks. Amara fell in and out of love so frequently that Serena had lost count.

It had always been the guy's fault. Nope, never Amara's.

She would swear off love, promise herself never to fall in love ever again, and damn all guys to hell and back while eating her signature ice cream.

All the angst would be forgotten in a snap when next she saw another guy, and she was singing "I am in love" all over their dorm.

Serena had never had to deal with all of those dramas with Mathew. He was the ideal boyfriend any girl could ask for, any girl but Amara, who had always called him a zero-spice, to say the least.

But when next she got jilted, she would be the first person to point him out as a good model for boyfriends.

Serena felt she was lucky to have such a mature boyfriend, but she soon realised that mature might not be what she wanted after all, at least not such constant maturity as Mathew's.

Now he could stand in front of her to tell her that she shouldn't work? He thought she was just upset? She wanted to scream at him, yell, and throw things.

She wanted to ask him just how he would feel if he was asked to drop all his qualifications and dreams just so he could be a househusband.

She knew what his answer would be, of course. He would look at her like she had lost her mind. That had never been heard of in Chevsko.

So she calmed herself and recited the mantras that came more easily to her these days. The "A good wife shouldn't" mantra. This time it was "a good wife shouldn't raise her voice at her husband."

"Mathew," she had started as calmly as she could manage with her surprising temper, "I went to school to study just as you did. I want to have a career. I didn't work so hard for almost five years to be a certified nurse just so I could come home and be a housewife. I can be a housewife and still do my practice. I want to be able to practice. I want to be able to help people. I am good at this and..."

Mathew raised his hand at this point "And you would help when we have our kids, which will be soon if you agree to be reasonable and stay at home to raise our family. You will have enough nursing to do. I won't have to come back home to an empty house while our children would be left with a babysitter just because you wanted to practise!" he said with a snap in his tone.

Serena couldn't keep it in again, so she asked, "Would you do the same?"

He looked at her incomprehensibly. "Would I do what same?"

Serena knew she should stop, yet she voiced it anyway, "Can you leave your job and be a stay-at-home husband while I go out to work? Since you are so concerned about the children that we do not have yet. Would you do that?" She asked him with her hands on her waist as her anger unravelled.

He looked at her just as she had expected "Are you crazy? That is unheard of. I am the husband, and I am supposed to work for the family, and your work as the wife should be to take care of the house and our kids. My father..."

"With due respect, I do not want to hear about your father right now, nor do I want to know how he is that patriarch of the family. What a backward way of thinking. Fuck you!"

There! she said it.

She was shocked at her raised voice and the words she thought she would never utter to him.

A hysterical giggle wanted to erupt in her throat when she saw the way his jaw dropped in reaction too.

The sensible voice in her head told her she had gone too far this time.

Yet she repeated it anyway.

"Yes, fuck you! You...you stupid man," she said before she stormed out of their flat in anger.

Serena decided to stay away for a while, when she saw that he did not bother to come after her even though she sat on their porch for a while.

She wouldn't go back. No, she wouldn't go back inside to beg him. She was not wrong. She deserved to live her own life too, even though she was married, right? He was the selfish one. Serena thought to herself over and over again as she trekked to her mother's place that evening.

"Mother should be able to talk some sense into him. Or at least talk to his parents so they could talk some sense into him. How I wish Dad were still alive." She thought on her way to her mother's place.

Her dad had been her best friend before she met Amara in college. He was her confidant.

She loved her mum, of course, but her dad had been the person she always waited for on their porch to come home. She would squeal and jump as he parked his car before she launched herself on him the moment he got out. He was the one who taught her a lot of things even when her mother frowned upon it.

When her mom felt that swimming might give her hypothermia, her dad had taught her how to swim in her mother's absence.

And they had both caught hell for it when she caught them.

When her mother thought that learning to ride a bicycle was not ladylike, her father would borrow their neighbour's bicycle, stack it in the trunk of his car, and inform his wife that they were going for a ride.

They have their special open field where her dad would park, bring out the bicycle, and teach her.

The day she had skinned her knees...well, suffice to say that it had been difficult indeed to explain to his wife how their daughter had gone from sitting in the car to having bruised knees.

He taught her the many things she knew today. Those that had come in handy for her and the ones she did not understand the need for yet.

"What your mother did not know won't hurt her" was his mantra.

Bayu Angrov loved his wife, and he would say to anyone that shielding his wife from what could upset her was a way of loving her. Meimu Angrov got upset easily.

As her feet crunched the dried leaves on the path that led to their house, Serena sighed and thought of how much she missed her dad.

He had died in her fourth year in college, and that was the first time Serena had felt the true meaning of the word "heartbreak."

She was unable to function properly for months. Her grades dropped, and it took the memory of how her father had stood his ground to send her to school when his wife kicked against sending their only daughter to a nursing school.

Meimu believed that a daughter should study things like baking, cooking, and interior decoration.

"That way she would be ready to build her home, not by running around to learn how to give injections and coming back to her husband's home late," was her mother's reasoning.

But for the first time since she could remember, her father stood up to her mother and told her firmly that his daughter would be allowed to do what she wanted.

"The fact that you choose to be a full housewife doesn't mean that our child would choose the same path too," her father had said in anger.

Meimu's eyes widened. "So you are saying that it was my fault. That I chose to sacrifice myself by staying in this house to take care of you and our child like a good wife should do. Now it is my fault?" her lips had thinned.

By the time her husband understood his mistake and tried to move toward her, she had dashed inside after tossing her last words, "The two of you should do what you like. Nobody listens to me anyway,"

Bayu was about to rush after his wife as he always did, but then he sighed and looked back at his daughter. Then he opened his arms to her and hugged her.

After which he whispered to her with determination, "You will go to the school of your choice, my dear. Never allow anything to stop you from achieving your dream. Not me, not your mother, not even your fears. Have believed in your dreams and pursue them.

Serena cried that day as she hugged him tighter and told him that she loved him.

"Don't be upset at your mother; she is only scared because you are all she has, and she would want to see you have your own family as soon as possible. I shouldn't have said that to her" he said the last sentence more to himself than to his daughter.

Serena nodded and vowed not to disappoint him.

That memory was what spurred her on to complete her remaining one and a half years of the program after his death.

She couldn't disappoint him. Not after all he had done to ensure that she was able to achieve her dream.

The dream that her husband seemed bent on letting her let go of. She wished badly that her father was still alive, as she was sure that he would have talked some sense into him, but all she had was her mother now to help convince him.

About an hour later, Serena walked down that same path with sadness, disappointment, and frustration. Her mother had said what a part of her knew she might say even as she hoped that she would be wrong.

"A good wife should learn to obey and respect her husband. What did you think your vow on your wedding day was about? Just mere words? Girl, go back to your husband and honour him as the Lord said. His wish is your command."

That was what she had gotten for her trouble. His parents had said a varied version of what her mother had said as well. The only person who had sided with her and called her husband a gentleman asshole was Amara.

"How could he do that to you? Did he not realise that you were at school for a purpose when he asked you out? What the hell? How disappointing! I would never have believed that he would be so selfish. Still waters do run deep, as they say." Amara had been outraged and had even offered to speak with him.

An offer that Serena had declined as she knew that Amara's mode of speaking to someone she did not agree with might include some choice of insulting words. She only wanted her husband to reason with her, not that she intended to disrespect him.

Amara's words wouldn't have counted in the end anyway. The only one who could have probably swayed him was her mother, and she had made it known that she supported Mathew.

Serena refused to speak to Mathew when she got back home, and he stopped trying to make her have a conversation with him after telling her, "I know you have not seen my point yet, so I will leave you alone to come to terms. When you are ready to be reasonable, we will talk," he said before he carried his suitcase and left.

She couldn't believe her ears as she wondered if this was the same man she had felt so secure with, the one who would never hurt her with his words and deeds. In anger, she got dressed that morning and went out to apply at the hospitals she had marked out.

Some had promised to get back to her, and she had been elated.

She was going to show Mathew that she was not just a woman meant to stay at home. She would manage both her family and her career so well that they would be amazed.

So she had thought.

The day she had received a call from a reputable private hospital was the same day Mathew's mum had invited them for an impromptu dinner. Serena was amazed when she met most of his family there and her mother. Mathew came from a large family, unlike her, who was an only child.

The dinner had started on a good note even as she was filled with unease that the dinner would not just be a simple one. She had been proven right when one of Mathew's nieces ran to her to admire her palazzo pants.

"I can see that children love Mathew's wife," the mother of the child had said promptly.

"That is true," one of his aunts added. "That must mean that she will soon be giving birth to her children too."

"Are you sure about that? Mathew's wife is a certified nurse, you know. I believe that women like that do not like to start their families early. Career women," someone else had said, as if Serena herself was not in their midst.

"Serena is not like that, you know," her mother-in-law had said with a smile thrown in her direction. "She is a good child brought up in a good home who would surely know that her family comes first in everything. What good is a career for a woman when she will only end up in the kitchen at the end of the day? Am I right, Andrea?" The woman had turned to Andrea, who smiled tightly at her mother-in-law and nodded.

Andrea was the wife of Mathew's eldest brother. Serena wondered what caused the strain on the woman's face as she picked at her food. She could guess though, as her mother-in-law turned to Serena's mother.

"What do you think, my inlaw? Wouldn't it be best if Serena and my son started thinking of starting their own family now instead of chasing after frivolous things?"

Meimu dabbed the serviette lightly against her lips before saying with a smile, "Of course you are right, my inlaw. I wouldn't mind having a full house like yours at my table as well whenever I made dinner. It had always been my husband, Serena, and I. My husband, may his dear soul rest in peace, would surely want the same thing."

Serena looked sharply toward her mother as she thought her father would never have made her do something like that. She missed him terribly at that moment. He would have preferred that she do what would make her happy, unlike her mother, who thought she knew what was best for her child. Her mother was not looking at her though. Her eyes were on the woman she was talking to, her expression like that of someone who had found a kindred spirit.

Mathew's mother saw the way Serena looked at the clueless woman though, and she laughed softly, "Don't worry, my in-law. I am sure that our wife is a filial daughter, and she will do what will make us all happy." She leaned over as she patted Meimu's hand, and the latter nodded and turned back to her food.

The disappointment and betrayal Serena felt about them were nothing close to what she felt for her husband, who was just seated there, munching away on his food like they were just discussing the weather and not something that affected her life. He felt her eyes on him after a while, and he shifted uneasily in his chair from whatever it was he saw on her face.

He looked over at his mother. "Mum, let's continue eating. The food will get cold," he said before he turned back to his food.

The older woman laughed awkwardly "That is right. Let's eat, let's eat. Serena, eat more. I asked the cook to make your favourite."

Serena smiled, nodded, and picked up her spoon. Yassa was not her favourite, but she chose to say nothing.

The guilty way Mathew peeked at her when he thought that she was not looking at him made realisation dawn on her. As he looked away after giving her a sheepish smile, it came to her.

The coward had discussed her with his mother, and this faux dinner had been solely about her. Did her mother know about this beforehand as well?

The little appetite she had left fled her.

No one was in her corner.

Divorced women in Chevsko were still frowned upon, despite how advanced the world had become. Serena had no intention of being one of them, especially since her marriage was a few months old. At the end of the day, she gave in and accepted to be a full housewife like her family wanted.

She still loved her husband, of course, but she knew that something had changed between them. She took care of the house, took care of his meals, did his laundry, and made the home comfortable for him as they all wanted.

It had been almost two years now, and they had no child yet. She had not missed her period once. Her mother-in-law had started hinting that she should check herself to know what the problem was about. Serena knew that she had no problems. She and her husband had done checkups. The two of them had been virgins when they met, and they decided to wait till their wedding day. Their first time had been less satisfactory for Serena as Mathews had gotten atop of her, fumbled with her breast for a while, and then entered her.

Even as she gritted her teeth against the pain she felt and tried to hold herself back so that she could please him as her mother had told her, her husband had groaned out loud. She felt wetness within her, and he had collapsed against her, crushing her to the bed, as soreness throbbed in her core.

She had turned her head to look at their bedside clock. The whole ordeal had not lasted more than three minutes, but it seemed to her like it had taken forever. The pain she felt between her legs was a testament to that.

It took her a while to realise that he had slept off, his gentle snore was the first indicator. She gingerly pushed him off her as she moved out from underneath him so as not to wake him up.

Then, she looked at herself in the bathroom in the full-length mirror that Amara had told her to get, as it would come in handy when things got kinky with her husband. She touched herself and came away with sticky wetness in her hand.

Blood. She had been expecting it. She just had not expected the amount of pain that accompanied it. What a liar Amara was.

As all these thoughts cascaded through Serena's mind, she looked at the sleeping form of her husband again and knew that it was high time they talked. She knew the fact that they had not conceived might have had less to do with any issue either of them might have and more to do with what he had said to her the second time they had sex.

She would have preferred not to disturb his sleep, but she knew that once he woke, had his bath and meal, he would be in a rush to be at the office.

He had told her that he was on the edge of getting the promotion that he had had his eyes on for a while now, so he needed to work harder. He left home for work very early every day, came back home late, and he even brought his work home with him.

Serena, though apologetic, knew this was the right time for her to speak with him.

She tapped him gently on his shoulder. His snoring stopped for a while, then it started again as he settled back into sleep. She waited and tapped him longer this time.

Mathew turned over, and opened one bleary eye to squint up at her. "What is it?"

"Baby, sorry to interrupt your sleep, but I need you to get up because I have something to discuss with you."

She thought he had slept when he closed his eyes again without response. She was about to tap him again when he said in an offended tone.

"I have told you to stop calling me baby, Serena. It makes me feel like a child. I am a full-grown man. I am your husband."