Close protection

I finish making the meal, fear in my stomach. He's coming home tonight. He went on a business trip with some new investors. I prayed all weekend that it would go well. That way he'll be happy and won't hit me. His little brother came to stay with us for a few days. He won't dare hit me in front of him will he? No. He won't. Please God, don't let him hit me tonight, I beg you. While the soup is simmering on the stove, I am busy setting the table. I do everything the way he likes it to avoid upsetting him. I wear the red dress he likes with pumps. I leave my hair down as he often asks me to do.

At eight o'clock, there's a knock at the door. Caleb goes to open it.

<> He says, opening his arms to his big brother.

<< Cal... What are you doing here? When did you get here? >>

<< I've been here since Saturday night. I asked Emme not to tell you, I wanted to surprise you. >>

<< Well, for a surprise, this is one. >>

I stand at the banister, my heart full of apprehension. As soon as he enters, I give him my best smile. He stares at me from head to toe and his face instantly closes. My smile disappears right away, I know this doesn't bode well.

<< I made your favorite food, >> I say as I walk over to him.

<< And believe me it smelled divine so I can't even imagine what it tastes like in my mouth. You are lucky to have such a woman. >>

<< Yes, I am >> he answered his brother in a strange way. The meal passes in a dead silence. The only one to speak is Caleb. To ask his brother from time to time what the trip was about and if it was fruitful. An hour later, Caleb gets up from the table.

<< Well, lovers, listen to me. I'm going to let you guys have your fun and I'm going to go meet up with my college buddies >>

In my heart, I yell at him not to leave, to stay with me. But he can't hear me. The door closes and I feel as if I am hearing the sound of my death. Lucas stands up and takes off his belt.

<< You dressed like that to seduce my brother, right? >>

<< No Lucas I swear not. >>

<< You dirty slut. You dare to lie to me? >>

<< I dressed like that because I knew you would like it, that's all. >>

<< You knew I would like it. You're lying, he screams with a look full of hatred. You wanted to seduce my brother. >>

I get up from the table to flee in the direction of the room. I haven't had time to take two steps yet and he's already there behind me.

<< Where do you think you're going? >>

He asks, propelling me to the other side of the room. Wait and see, I'll teach you how to strut your stuff in front of my brother. I wake up soaked with sweat. I had that stupid nightmare again. I should be used to it by now. But apparently my brain refuses to assimilate the fact that we are safe now and that he won't be able to hurt us anymore.

Emme.

<< No, but what an idea to call me while I'm on leave! >>

I put on my boots and my overcoat. I have an appointment with Nicolas, my brother and my boss. The one who helped me get out of the water four years ago now. I had fallen in love with a rich and handsome Italian who was visiting New York. Lucas Dos Santos. We had a perfect romance, trips, cruises, gifts, I had everything a woman could dream of. I was the happiest woman in the world, all envied Lucas, all envied me. We got married quite quickly, I was only twenty years old and we went to live in Sicily, Italy. The house was located by the sea. It was beautiful, there were vineyards, lots of workers, because Lucas was a great wine maker. I remember that I loved walking in the fields, talking with the workers and picking the grapes directly from the plants and eating them. It was divine! Little did I know that all this beauty was actually there to hide the darkness in Lucas' heart. He started by making little remarks about how I talked too much with the workers, I thought it was cute to have a jealous husband. One day, Luna, the wife of Vicente, Lucas's all-around man, lost her bones when we were in town, so I took her to the hospital. I stayed with her the whole time, until the delivery because her husband unfortunately couldn't make it, I came home very late that day, and Lucas knew that I was with Luna in the hospital. The whole hacienda was talking about it. When I got home, I went straight to our room to change.

<< Where were you? >> I breathed a sigh of relief because I was really scared.

<< Oh my love you scared me! You know I was at the hospital with Luna. She gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Vicente must be proud and besides, why didn't you come to the hospital? >>

I don't know when my husband got up, but I felt a huge burn on my cheek.

<< I already told you not to be friends with those workers and the next time you disobey me you will see. >>

I put my hand on my cheek and looked at him with total incomprehension, then I got up and went to take a shower. When I came back, Lucas was waiting for me sitting on the bed, he walked up to me and asked me to forgive him.

<< Forgive me my love. I don't know what came over me. I'm an idiot, please forgive me. >>

He picked up an ointment from the table and rubbed it on my cheek.

<< Forgive me, I promise you this will never happen again. >>

<< Of course I forgive you. I love you so much. >> Lucas smiled at me, a warm smile. I was so happy, I had Lucas back, my Lucas.

I didn't know that this fake smile was a ticket to my descent into hell. I was brought back to the present by the driver who didn't stop honking behind me.

<< No but are you dreaming or what? Move on with your fucking car! >>

I don't answer him anything and I just drive a little faster. I have changed a lot, physically and emotionally. The fragile little caterpillar that used to whine at the slightest opportunity has turned into a butterfly that can fly on its own. I am no longer a poor, fragile and defenseless thing, today I know how to give back with my fists when words are not enough. I park my car in the street, I get out and I walk along the street. The building in front of me is the one that houses the Body Guards Agency. The bodyguard company I work for.

I was recruited here two years ago. Thanks to Nicolas, my older brother, after coming back to New York, not after fleeing Italy, he took me in, helped me. He had just opened this private company that takes care of personalities and rich people who need protection. I was trained in combat, by Nicolas himself, my brother is a former military man who gave up everything to open this close protection company. I learned to shoot, to hit, my body has changed a lot since I joined this company and I am quite proud of it. If you had seen me two years ago you would understand why. I have been beaten so badly that my body is covered with scars, if they were only physical they would be okay but they are also moral, psychological. These are the ones that refuse to heal. I cross the hall and I smile at Ingride, my brother's secretary and wife. A beautiful blonde he met while in Paris. She is as beautiful as she is funny, I love her.

They have a beautiful daughter, Cindy, she is four years old and I adore her. Unfortunately I couldn't attend her birth because Lucas wouldn't let me in, so I make up for all the parties I missed all the important events for her by giving her tons of gifts.

<< How are you doing? she asks me. >>

<< I'm okay, but not as good as you. >> I say as I go to place two sound kisses on her cheeks.

<< You've lost weight again! >> She scolds me gently.

<< Really? >> I say, pretending I haven't noticed.

<< Yes really! We'll have to talk. >> I run in the direction of the elevator which is opening.

<< Not now I hope Nicolas is waiting for me. >>

<< You won't be able to duck out forever, she yells at me through the closed walls of the elevator. >>

I breathe a sigh of relief. I love Ingrid, but she has this tendency to invade my living space a little too much. What I need right now is certainly not a strap-on. I know I've been neglecting myself a lot lately, but at the same time why would I pay attention to myself? It's not like I'm trying to please anyone, is it? In the elevator, there's jerk one and jerk two. Great! A nice pair of assholes who don't know how to do anything but annoy me.

<< Hey but look who's here! It's miss black. >>

I got this ridiculous nickname because I only dress in black, maybe to match the darkness of my soul who knows? The truth is that I stopped paying attention to myself, since I came back to New York. I stopped dressing up, I stopped doing all those fancy hairstyles, basically I just stopped doing everything to please. And it's even harder when you're one of the few women working in a company that's typically made for men.

<< Hey but these are my two favorite jerks! I said, pretending to smile happily. >>

<< Oh but what do I see here? Is that color? Did you watch the weather this morning Fred? They said something about a storm? He said, bursting into laughter. Ha ha! Very funny Ben. >>

<< Doesn't your ass hurt when you laugh? You know, getting fucked by Fred must hurt a lot. >>

Ben immediately loses his smile. The elevator opens and I get out. I hear Ben screaming at me.

<< I'm not getting my ass fucked by anyone. >> I smile victoriously. There is a rumor going around the agency that Ben and Fred are dating. Not that I'm homophobic by any means, but when on days like this one of them chooses to piss me off I have to defend myself especially since I know he hates it. I push open the door to Nicolas' office and enter with a victorious smile on my lips.

<< Who's that they're getting their asses kicked by? I raise a questioning eyebrow. >>

<< Do you really want to know? >>

<< No you're right keep it to yourself. I don't want to know. >>

I sit down across from him and put my feet up on the table. After a glare from him, I take them right off and look at him.

<< Well, can I ask why you called me after giving me a vacation yourself two days ago? >>

<< You know I never would have done it if it wasn't urgent. >>

<< Yeah well go ahead and deliver. >>

My brother puts the pen he has in his hands on the table and looks at me with a serious expression. I hate it when he does that. It intimidates me, and God only knows that for a while now not many things scare me. He looks at me like that for five minutes, I finally break down and tell him.

<< Well are you going to decide to talk to me yes? >>

<< Sorry, it's just that I'm really hesitant to put you on this mission actually. >>

<< What's this about? >>

<< A friend of mine contacted me, he's been receiving threatening letters recently and is afraid for his life, he needs a bodyguard. >>

Emme.

<< Ah okay I don't see what the big deal is I'm used to this kind of assignment often. >>

<< Wait before you accept. >>

<< What? >>

Nicolas gets up and comes to stand in front of me.

<< This mission is a little different from the others... >>

<< Why? >>

<< You'll have to provide security for a singer. >>

<< No problem, I'd just have to make sure nothing bad happens to him, I'd check his dressing room, his car, I'd look for everything. >>

<< No but will you let me finish? >>

I would raise my hands to the sky in approval. You'll have to do more than just keep her safe. You'll also have to find out who is sending him all these threatening letters and why.

<< Nicholas so far, I don't quite see where the problem lies. I say while going to serve me a glass of water. >>

<< The problem is that you're going to have to pretend to be his girlfriend. >>

I freeze a moment, I turn to my brother. I look at him surprised, he must surely make me a joke. But when I see the serious expression on his face, I immediately understand that he is not joking.

<< What? What is this story again? >>

<< Look, he says with a sigh, this person is close to him. Do you realize that these threats go all the way to his apartment where the person comes and goes without being bothered ? His mother called me in a panic because Matthew is taking it lightly. >>

<< Where do you know these people from anyway? >>

<< It's a long story. >>

I come back and sit across from him to make it clear that I have plenty of time. My brother lets out an annoyed sigh, he knows it will take more to scare me.

<< After I came back from Afghanistan I had how to say traumas. The slightest noise frightened me, I never put my nose outside anymore. Then we heard about this very effective therapist and the parents convinced me to go and see her at her ranch in Colorado, with her unconventional methods. I spent a whole year there. >>

<< That much? >>

<< Yes. It probably wouldn't have taken me as long if I'd opened up to Rosalie sooner, but us Watts know that talking isn't our forte. >>

I nodded. Nicolas was the only one who knew why I had fled Italy. I asked him not to say anything to my parents, for them Lucas is an angel and it must remain so. I don't want my father to feel guilty that he let his daughter live with such a monster.

<< I was finally able to open up to her because of her son Matthew. They nursed me through their happy campfires through which they spent hours and hours singing. It was magical. It's hard not to open up to such warm people. This therapy really helped me, my nightmares were not as present and the noises were not scary anymore. >>

I look at my brother and wipe a tear from my eye. Damn sensitivity! When I think of what that monster made me lose, I could have been there for him. Nicholas was going through such a hard time and I wasn't there for him. Because Lucas kept me cut off from the world.

<< I actually wanted you to meet her but you are so stubborn you wouldn't even listen to me. She's done so much for me and Matt too. So if I can help them in any way, I will. >> m<< I will do it for you. You know I can't deny you anything. >>

<< Thank you, he says, handing me the file with the client's information. >>

Nicolas walks me to the elevator, I enter just as the elevator doors are closing and he tells me.

<< You will go shopping with Ingride, to change your style. >>

I look down at my old pants and sneakers that have seen better days. He's right, if I'm going to be the girlfriend of a super star, I need to change all that. I nod my head in agreement.

<< Oh and I almost forgot. You'll have to move in with him. >>

<< What? >> I say as I look up at him.

Too late, the elevator is locked. Words that are better left unsaid because they are not very attractive coming from a girl's mouth come to my mind. The bastard! He tricked me, he knew I would have refused if he had told me so he waited for me to accept. Shit! Moving in with a man, no but why did he give me this assignment? I get out of the elevator and get ready to go home.

There's no way I'm doing this. I'm going to send a message to Nick to tell him my way of thinking before I tell him no at all. Ingrid intercepts me at the reception, she takes me in her arms with a smile.

<< Ah, there you are! I was waiting for you. >>

<< Why? >>

<< What do you mean, why? We are going to go shopping. >>

I release myself from the embrace of my beautiful sister.

<< Ah that! Well... >> I say, crossing my arms over my chest. I refuse to accept this mission.

<< You already accepted. >>

<< Yes, but that was before I knew I had to move in with him. Your husband tricked me. >>

<< Right away the big words, she said as she pushed me out the door. He didn't set you up, he was just smart, that's all. >>

<< Don't tell me you're okay with that? >>

<< Of course I am and besides, I was the one who suggested the idea to him. In addition to being beautiful, you are also one of the best people in the agency. I also totally agree that you should get out of this bubble in which you have locked yourself, you are twenty-four years old and you live like a sixty year old granny while you are young and so beautiful. >>

<< Ingrid... >>

<< No, listen to me. Your brother doesn't sleep at night anymore because he's worried about you and me too. It's time for you to move on, it's time for you to move on. >> She's right, I've come to a point where I'm living with my brother, he's never talked to me like this, but I can see he's worried about me. It's time for me to move on if only for them and if I have to go through this mission then I will.

Ingride takes me to a store, where we choose clothes, everything from underwear. Then she takes me to the beauty salon where they give me the full treatment, haircut, moustache waxing, underarm waxing and bikini waxing. It hurts like hell, I had forgotten this pain. Now comes the moment I was dreading, we have to buy shoes. Ingride takes me heels, I haven't worn them for years, I'm sure I'll fall down with these things. She makes me walk in front of her. I parade like a mannequin who had a broom shoved up his ass the day before. When the day is over, I go home. My blond hair is loose, usually I untie it to be able to work, it's more practical. They put pink varnish on my nails. Pink like I was a little girl! And I had the right to bottles of perfume, well that on the other hand it is cool it smells super good, clothes and shoes, it really put the package for this mission. I put my precious luggage on my bed, before going to play with my niece. Once this is done, I grab the file that my brother gave me, I have to know a minimum about this guy. So Matthew Baxter, twenty-nine years old, professional singer... His favorite food is beef bourguignon. That's a French dish, right? He is allergic to daffodils, penicillin and rosemary essential oil. Seriously, are some people allergic to that? He lives in New York on the Upper East Side.

<< You bet, he must be one of those snobby, shallow stars who think they're the navel of the world. >>

He has siblings who live in Colorado. At the end, there is a photo of him, I linger a moment on it, his eyes are piercing, it seems that he is looking at me and not the camera. He has a proud, authoritative posture and he exudes confidence, something that I sorely miss in recent years. He has laughing eyes. I find myself dwelling too much on this picture.