Calor Del Cielo: Bittersweet Taste of Your Love

First impressions are often entirely wrong. The thing that sometimes gets lost is the way people look at the harder edge of me and get the wrong impression that I'm a mean, selfish, priggish, unreasonable brat, and a very conceited person. That's really something I don't want people to think about me but that is not usually happening all the time. I don't usually care for what people think of me. The less I care, the less I hurt. I have trusted people but ended up being deceived and betrayed.

There are people who are good at disguising and have mastered the art of deceit and yet, still know how to look saint to everyone. I'm not a good judge of character but I'm easily judged. Trust me I get used to it...

Cedric Miguel Villacencio, the man who never failed to make some havoc in my system. He was almost perfect in every way and excellent in every aspect. I know I won't stand a chance on him and I know he can never be mine. Probably because there is only one girl he sees and adores and that's Leanna- my one and only stepsister...

It is easy to hate and very difficult to love. What more to be praised by everyone? On my end, I don't chase love, affection, or attention. If it's not given freely then it's not worth having. I have never hated a person as I hate Cedric Miguel. I hate him for I know he hates me but I hate myself more because I still love him beyond that fact. They said there is not much difference between love and hate. They both get out of control easily and one turns into the other.

I hate that some things don't work the way you want them to be. I hate that I always get affected even though I don't want to.

I hate that love is imperceptive, I hate that love can endure all pains. I hate him for he stole my heart but broke it with his harsh and painful words. I hate that he thinks the worst of me and I hate him more for being such a fool. But beyond all, I hate myself for keep on deeply loving him for all these years. You see in this lifetime, we cannot always get what we want no matter how badly wished to have it. There are times luck might favor us but there are times that no matter how we strive hard to have it when it's bound to be not yours, you can never have it. That's the cruelty of life and reality I guess. Trust me, I know my limits. I know when and how to stop. That even it will hurt me so deeply, I still know how to let go...

I am Gavriella Dela Garza and this is my bittersweet taste of a love story...

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UPDATED ONE:

First impressions are often entirely wrong. People easily make judgments based on what they can see and often jump to conclusions without considering the whole picture. It is easy to form an opinion about someone, especially if you convince yourself of it or others make you believe it. I have always been used on how people look at the harder edge of me, that I am mean, selfish and conceited spoiled brat. I don't usually care for what people think of me. The less I care, the less I hurt. I have trusted people but ended up being deceived and betrayed. In this cruel world I have learned not to trust easily. Some are skilled in disguising and experts in making people believe in their goodness while secretly playing a dangerous game. They hide their true colors behind a facade of innocence just to seize what they desire. I'd say I'm not a good judge of character, but trust me, I'm often easily judged.

They say love is amazing, but love can be a dangerous game. It can be treacherous, painful and can leave scars that will run deep through the heart. It can nurture hate and anger, but it is a much more difficult thing to grasp, especially when it's unrequited. In my case, I don't chase love or attention. If it's not given freely, then it's not worth having. That's what I used to believe but not until I met Cedric Miguel Villacencio- the only man who never failed to make some havoc in my system. He's almost perfect in every way and excellent in every aspect. I know I won't stand a chance on him not only because he's way too out of my league but also because he has eyes for only one woman and that's Leanna- my stepsister. He thinks the worst of me and I hate him for always being a jerk. He can never be mine, I have known that a long time ago.

Sometimes, I hate that the heart is persistent and very hopeful. I hate that it can endure pain and can love deeply without expecting in return. That love and hate are two sides of the same coin, and in my case, it's a volatile mix. I hate him with a passion. I hate that I'm so easily affected no matter how hard I try not to. I hate that things don't always go the way we want them to be and I hate that this love is so strong, patient and selfless. But I guess, I hate myself more for keep on loving him for all these years.

I have known that life isn't always fair. That in this lifetime, we cannot always get what we want no matter how badly wished to have it. Luck might favor us in some desperate moments but there are also times that no matter how we strive hard to have it when it's not bound to be yours, you can never have it. It's the harsh reality of life, I guess. I can be a fighter, but I won't keep fighting a battle I know I will lose. Yes, I can love silently, but I won't fight for something that was never meant to be mine in the first place. I know my limits too. Trust me, I know when and how to stop. That even it will hurt me so deeply, I will still know how to let go...

I am Gavriella Dela Garza, and this is my bittersweet love story.

"What are you doing here? I believe it was Lyzza I was meeting tonight." She angrily told him.

"Have to convince Lyzza to do this. If I will invite you to go out with me, you will surely reject me so I have no choice but to do this stunt. This is the only possible way I could have a chance to talk with you, Gav."

"I can't believe you, Cedrick Miguel," she stated frustratedly while shaking her head in disbelief and feeling so upset for what he did.

She immediately walkout and left the place but he ran over and followed her. She might succeed in leaving the establishment but unfortunately failed to get away from him because he blocked her way as soon as she reached the exit. He pulled her outside the bar until they reach the beachside darker area.

"Get off me! What is it that you want?" She hissed irritably.

"I'm sorry..." Shocked by her disgust, his face stoop down as his eyes went gloomy. She never missed the pain and sadness in his expression when he jerked his eyes away from her.

This sly and manipulative man, did nothing but keep on hurting her feelings but how could he still manage to keep on affecting her all this time? She hates him but she knew deep inside her she still cares about him.

"Let's date." He said seriously. Her eyes automatically went through him as she felt her heart suddenly jerked in pain.

She has to admit she got stunned but she somehow managed to calm herself and showed him a blank expression.

"You've gotta be kidding me." She replied bitterly as she tried to jerk her eyes on the ocean.

Is this what he would tell her the reason he used his secretary and fooled me to come in this place? He wants us to what? Date? He's gotta be me...

"I want us to date." His tone was full of seriousness and stability now. His intent stare gives her chills as if he wanted to reach her soul.

"As far as I'm concerned, I made it clear with you that you should stop this foolishness, Cedric Miguel." She stated in a cold and pissed tone.

She doesn't understand, he hated her before. They might be okay now but they just started to become friends again. Now he wants her to date him? Is he out of his mind?

"I was so wrong for what I treated you in the past. I know I can never bring back the past but believe me I regret those moments."

"I'm sorry, but it was just so hard for me to believe that you like me. Knowing how you treated me before, the sudden act of getting close with me after four years? You were even proclaiming before that I was like a sister to you so I don't get all of this?"

He went silent for a moment then pulled out a frustrated sigh. She gotta be mistaken because by the looks on his face, he seemed very offended. And is it pain and desperation she could view in his eyes?

Her eyes might be deceiving her. Funny because if this moment had happened four years ago, her heart must have been celebrating because it's a dream come true. In her teenage days, her wildest and secret dream is for him to like her.

The dream finally came true but unfortunately, it's not the same happiness and expectations she hopes it will be because that dream is no longer a dream anymore. It is now a foolish illusion in her past that she wanted to forget and get over with.

If only she didn't know whom he was in love with. If only she didn't know what might be his purpose for doing all of this. Realizing it, she couldn't help to tighten her fist in disappointment and anger. It's so painful he can use and hurt someone just to have the girl he loves. That he wanted to take revenge on her stepsister at her expense.

"Feelings outgrown, people changed. Just give me a chance to prove my feelings to you." He said in a pleading tone.

"You're just wasting your time on me. I will not date you and my decision was final." She told him in an obvious skeptical and censorious tone instead. She saw how his jaw clenched as his expression turned dark and gloomy. Seeing him hurt and rejected like this still make a pang in her heart.

"I want you to stop this nonsense, Cedrick Miguel. Do this stunt again and I'll swear I'll get mad with you. Let's forget about this and just remain friends like we used to, okay?"

His face turned distorted then jerked his eyes away as if he didn't like what she said. She was about to walk away and leave but she never expected his next action.

In one swift motion, he suddenly grabbed her arm and turn her around in a drastic way. His other hand held her face firmly then kissed her fully in the mouth. With eyes widened in shock, for a moment, she got stunned and seemed her world suddenly ceased to exist.

His kisses were rough and the sudden electricity feeling of his touch makes her body start to shudder. She knew he was the only man who has the capacity to do this to her and it's so frustrating an hidden part of her loving the sensation he do to her.

She tried pushing him and hitting his chest to stop him but he only captured her arms and continued to kiss her thoroughly. Then his kiss turned gentle coaxing her lips to open. When she felt him delve her tongue and make a twirl inside her mouth, she tried to push him with all her force but he wouldn't stop and kept his pace.

His audacious tongue was persistent in tracing every corner of his mouth. Her knees started to weaken and if she was not being held by him, she will surely tumble to the ground. His hold tightened and she couldn't help to close her eyes. The sensation was starting to melt her and she couldn't accept the fact she was liking every bit of it.

As much as she wanted to deny it but her traitor body started to enjoy and get drowned by his kisses. That in just a flick of time, she found her own lips responding to him. She felt lost and just let her feelings reveled with the pleasure of being held and kissed by him. Her defenses are slowly breaking apart when a sudden voice in her memory from the last suddenly jotted in her mind that brought her back to bitter reality.

"You disgust me..."

Those remarkable words suddenly infiltrated her mind that awaken her in her silly fantasy. The same and exact words he told her four years ago that marked and pained her heart the reason he can never trust him. Realizing why he was doing this, tears started to stream down her cheeks as her body stiffened.

Her body might be a traitor but not her mind. If she will let her feelings win, she will end up miserable the way she felt before. She will never let him use her, she'll make sure of that. So she gathered all her strength then pushed him away with all her wits.

When she finally succeeded, a hard slap on his face is what she immediately responded. She saw him get stunned as if he got awakened in a sweet dream. His face looks like he has been splashed by cold water, confused and guilty.

"I-I'm sorry..." He said looking confused and apologetic. Is she not mistaken, concern and worries were written in his eyes when he saw her angry reaction?

"How dare you kiss me! You stay away from me from now on!" She shouted angrily. She saw him clench his jaw as his face darkened in anger. She gasped when he suddenly pulled her on the arm never wanting to let her go.

"I'm sorry baby but I don't take no for an answer. I swear I'll do anything to win your heart and that's a promise." He said with finality before freeing her arm and just like that, he left and walk away leaving her.

Seeing the man she had been secretly loving for all these years walking away finally made her tears fall down as the memories from the past started to flashback into her. The pain and bitterness that brought her towards loving him and how he hated and disgusted her all the way.

Funny because he was only trying to convince herself that she already moved on but it was still him all along. The painful and wrong accusations he cast her that left a scar on her heart. Yes, she still loves the unworthy bastard but she will never let herself be fooled and use him.

Drastically wiping her tears using the back of her palm, she looked up in the sky to stop the tears from falling. There's no way she will let him know that she was loving him for all these years. There's no way she will give him the satisfaction that he can break her heart into pieces just like before. Never...

The wind blew so softly, and the peacefulness of the surroundings just added a gloomy and emotional sentiment in my feelings. Sitting in the same hammock in between the two coconut trees where my mom and I used to lie down always brings tears to my eyes.

It has been 2 months since she passed and the pain towards losing her is still raw. The house has never been the same after she was gone. I could still remember the last words she told me before she left.

"I want you to be happy and always stay strong. I want you to grow beautifully. be a smart, kind, and brave woman. I want you to reach your dreams and be the person you want to be. I wanna see you grow and finished school. To get married and see you build your own family, but I guess I will never have a chance to witness that. You are the best thing that happened to me, my Gavriella and I may leave this world but always remember that I'll watch and guide up there. Do not forget that sweetheart..."

I couldn't help but weep painfully every time I remembered her last words. Knowing her sufferings and how she battled cancer to live and survive.

She had been the strongest woman I ever knew, and I admire her for that. She never lost hope, and she didn't even blame God for her illness. She fought until the end. She tried to undergo a lot of treatment and operations, but nothing happened. Leukemia is a traitor illness. It will attack you in pull you down to death.

My mom was the kindest and strongest beautiful person I have ever seen in my existence. She stayed 6 months in the hospital for treatments and medications. And there, I saw how she strongly fought the battle of her life.

I was there and never left her in her weakest moments. I witnessed how her body slowly weakens until she can no longer absorb the treatments and medication. It has been two months now since she was gone, and I missed her so badly.

There were times I found myself wishing that it wasn't real. Lying in bed every night crying nonstop and waking up in the morning still feeling the same pain, make me wanna wish to die.

Losing a parent at an early age was so hard. Few friends and relatives are telling me to be brave and that I'll get through this. It is easy for them to say it because they never know what I truly feel inside. They don't know the pain and emptiness I feel.

She was my teacher and my best friend. Losing her feels like losing the will to live. I just don't know if I can still live my life the same now that she was gone.

"There you are! I've been looking for you everywhere." I immediately wiped my tears away when I heard the voice of Dad from afar.

"I knew, I will find you here. Wait, are you crying again, Gav?" Worries and concerns are obvious in my father's voice. " I know you still miss her, sweetie but you have to understand that we can't go on like this forever. And she will not like it if you keep on crying mourning for her."

"I know Dad, but I can't help to miss her..." not a day goes by I don't miss her, and it gets stronger as it lasts.

I knew that Dad had been worrying about me for the past few days. God knows how hard I try to be strong, but the pain and sadness was so strong I can't suppress and fight it.

"Yes, sweetie its hard now that she's gone but we have to continue our lives. Come, I have a surprise for you. I want you to meet someone." Dad said with a tinge of excitement.

I looked at him with a questioning gaze, and he responded with a reassuring smile like he was sure I will be delighted in his surprise.

"You're going to love her, sweetie" He pulled my hand to help me stand.

Confused about who he was talking about, we walked towards the house and into the living room. My brow furrowed in curiosity when I saw a tall, brunette woman in a red dress sitting on one of the sofas. The moment she saw us, her lips stretched into a wide smile.

"Gav, I want you to meet Chelsea! She will now stay with us from now on."