CHAOS

This story will show and deal with suicidal, violent, and self-harm tendencies. It also deals with real-life issues of depression, and suicide.

I am in no way supporting this issue, or promoting that someone should take their life. I'm just giving a warning and disclaimer to people that are sensitive to these problems that impact them on a daily basis. If it is hard to read or indulge in this story because of that, I completely respect if you can't read it.

I felt like this story needed to have a message behind it. This story will reach an audience who have experienced depression, suicide, and loneliness. It will also showcase that there is a way out of it.

I myself have experienced all of those for many years. I was so blessed to have those around me who encouraged me to seek therapy and overcome these real-life issues.

So, I'm dedicating this story to those people who have struggled, and continue to struggle through these mental issues today. There is a way out, and there is truly a life worth living.

You're here, with breath in your lungs, that's enough to start.

This one's for you.

This story will show and deal with suicidal, violent, and self-harm tendencies. It also deals with real-life issues of depression, and suicide.

I am in no way supporting this issue, or promoting that someone should take their life. I'm just giving a warning and disclaimer to people that are sensitive to these problems that impact them on a daily basis. If it is hard to read or indulge in this story because of that, I completely respect if you can't read it.

I felt like this story needed to have a message behind it. This story will reach an audience who have experienced depression, suicide, and loneliness. It will also showcases that there is a way out of it.

I myself have experienced all of those for many years. I was so blessed to have those around me who encouraged me to seek therapy and overcome these real-life issues.

So, I'm dedicating this story to those people who have struggled, and continue to struggle through these mental issues today. There is a way out, and there is truly a life worth living.

You're here, with breath in your lungs, that's enough to start.

This one's for you.

Author's Note

"He was a beauty with a cigarette in his hand. "

Sage POV

"Sage are you ready?"

My friend Anna poked her head out the door, with a straightener in her hand.

"Oh, and did you need the straightener still?" She asked while her bangs fell over her eyes.

"Um, no I'm fine thanks though." She nodded her head while I looked down at the book that I was currently reading.

I was stuck on the same paragraph for centuries now, and the book Jane Eyre itself wasn't an easy read.

Every time I turned around Stella and Anna were asking me things about tonight, specifically questions like...

What I was going to wear?

How was I going to put on my makeup?

Or what was I going to do with my hair?

It was really exhausting, it's not like we were going to a party or something.

We were just going to the races that were held at the back streets of our college every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. It's been going on for years, just like Anna and Stella have been begging for me to go for years since it's started.

After begging for a couple of years from my two best friends I finally said yes.

Partly because I want them to shut up, but I had to admit I was curious about what the fuss was about.

Everyone goes to these races every weekend at our college. I mean some even place bets on the people that are doing them.

So, I'm going.

"Anna, you asked her that question how many times? Her hair is fine."

Stella said while bouncing on my bed.

Anna popped her head out of the bathroom door once again looking at Stella with a ridiculous look.

"This is coming from the one who asked her a thousand times about her makeup."

Stella put her hands up in surrender.

"Okay, okay you got a point there. "

Anna looked at her one more time with a satisfied smirk before unplugging the straightener.

Stella and Anna were my two best friends. I met both in my freshman year of college.

I've moved from California to Washington to go to school, and they were basically the first two people that I met here.

They gave me a tour around the school, and with their two different personalities, they immediately grabbed my attention.

Since then we've been the closes friends. We even live together in a decent size apartment that isn't too far from campus.

Sometimes I wonder how we mesh so well together. I mean we are all so different.

All the way to looks, personalities, attitudes... everything.

Stella has blonde hair and big blue eyes. She's so tall, has legs for days, and is very beautiful. She's so spunky and bright. Even in the most negative situations, she tries to be positive. She's like a ray of sunshine. She's also caring and loving. However, she isn't afraid to speak up or express her feelings when something is bothering her.

Anna, now she speaks her mind way too much. She's rough around the edges, doesn't care what people say, and doesn't care what she says to people. Which leads to her having arguments with everyone even her boyfriend Darren. She has jet black hair with pretty hazel eyes. She has a golden-brown tint to her skin because she's Latino. Which doesn't help her attitude at all.

Then there's me... Plain O me. There's nothing special about my looks that only contain black shoulder hair, brown eyes, and dark skin. I'm pretty short but have an average body. I rather read, or stay at home watching TV and eating than go out somewhere.

I'm very shy, I barely speak. I only say a few words to get my point across. I guess you can say a lot of people walk over me because of my personality. I will never say something or speak up about how I feel.

My friends always back me up. Unfortunately, I don't have a backbone. They are basically my mouthpiece. Which is embarrassing, but I was always like this, as long as I could remember.

You can probably guess high school was torture for me.

So, it's nice to have different races as friends. And to step out of the box when it comes to that.

"Okay, let's go!" Anna said walking out of the bathroom and grabbing her purse.

I dragged myself out of the bed, grabbing my book with me. Before I could go far with it. Stella snatched it out of my hand.

"Sage, no you are not taking the book with you. This is the time to socialize with other people, other than your book."

She threw the book on my bed, watching it bounce.

"But-" I tried to argue my case but she interrupted me.

"What, you're going to read the book, while there are races going on. The book will be here when you get home."

I nodded my head silently and walked out of the house with them.

A few minutes later we arrived at the college, but instead of turning in, we kept on going straight forward and we turned a right into a hidden street.

We were now driving on a back road, with trees hanging surrounding the car. We soon came upon a clearing and parked the car on the gravel.

I was looking around, and I didn't see any cars, motorcycles, or even people. I was a little confused about where we were exactly at.

"Where is everyone?" I asked while getting out of the car.

"Oh, it's just down the hill," Anna said.

We shut the doors, and started walking through the grass, and down the hill towards the place.

A few seconds later there were sounds of screaming and cheering filling the air.

I looked out in front of me and saw a small load of people waving at the cars going by.

Once we hit the pavement I saw the whole place in my view. There was a big racing track the went up and down a long street.

Barbed wire fences guarded along the track with upward seats that were filled with a medium-sized group of people.

"Hey, guys up here!"

I turned around and found Darren and Ricky calling us over for seats that they already saved for us.

Darren and Ricky were friends of ours. Well, more of Anna's and Stella's. They were already hanging out with the two before I was in the mix. Darren was Anna's boyfriend for a year now. They were so cute together, I mean he was like the calming to her storm.

They were cute but also a weird couple as well. even when it came to skin color. She will always say that he was her chocolate to her Carmel.

He was so calm and easygoing, while she was just not. Oh, and they could argue for hours, and hours.

Now Ricky he was a ginger, with orange-reddish hair, bright blue eyes, and freckles that were scattered on his face. He was so nice and funny. He and Stella were like twins, they got along easily. I would have to say he was like a boy version of her.

I really liked them, and we were all friends and I was thankful that they welcomed me into the group so easily.

We walked up to them taking our seats. Anna greeted Darren with a kiss, Stella greeted Ricky with a hug and I greeted them with a single wave and smile.

"Who do you have your bets on tonight?" Ann asked Darren beside her.

"Is that even a question you know I have my bets on him." Darren scoffed with unbelief.

"Yeah, same here, it will be dumb to put your bets on anyone else but him." Ricky chimed in.

Stella and Anna both nodded their heads in understanding, while I looked so lost and confused.

"Who's him?" I asked Anna.

She looked at me for a little opening her mouth up to speak before a loud roar interrupted through the air.

I looked forward once again and saw a beautiful, black sleek car, with dark tinted windows, nice tires,

The whole package...

I didn't know much about cars or vehicles in general, but I did know that this car will smoke any car in its path just by the looks of it.

I didn't even get a good view of the other opponent until the flag went down and they both sped from their spots.

The sounds from the cars were so loud, and the yelling and screaming from the people made the volume twice as high.

They drove right past the crowd at incredible speed that I felt wind comb through my hair from the impact.

The speed, and momentum that these two cars were pushing were dangerous... But exciting to watch all at the same time.

Literally, after a couple of seconds, the race came to an end with the black car crossing the white spray-painted line that was considered the end. The other car trailed behind him dragging slowly in defeat. They finally came to a stop past the track right in front of the crowd.

The guy in the black car stepped out, and immediately a herd of girls came running towards him.

They were grabbing him all over the place. His face, arms, shoulders, torso were everywhere.

It was like a feeding Frenzy for them. I didn't understand what the big deal was until he broke away from the girls.

I finally looked at him, and even from far away, I could tell...

He was beautiful.

From what I can see he had brown golden hair that fell in his eyes and face. His face was well sculptured, and even his built was...Let's just say he was toned, like really toned in all the right places. I was trying to look at his face more, and get a clear view. However, he looked up towards the stands. He scanned the line of my friends with a known look in his eye before his eyes contacted mine.

We looked at each other for a minute before his face changed and was sat in a frown.

He had such a dangerous aura around him. You could definitely tell he was known by many in every way, by the way, people treated him in the last few minutes.

"Once again we have the legend taking the win!" A guy yelled through his hands.

I'm pretty sure it was the same guy that flagged the race in the beginning.

He tore himself away from the groupies and stepped away to the side walking in the darkness.

"That's him."

Anna said in my ear, before giving me a deceiving smirk, and looking towards the area he disappeared at. A few moments later all of us were walking out and towards an alley. Darren and Ricky were walking in front of us. While Anna, Stella, and I were walking in the back. There were a few people hanging around chatting with each other. We finally stopped when we saw a silhouette in the dark. Ricky and Darren walked to the person calmly giving the person a dap on the hands, and the bro greetings, that usually all guys do. The three of us came up to the person, and it was the same guy that I saw moments ago.

His beauty didn't falter, it was more upfront more than anything. I could see his hazel green eyes that sparkled in the night, and the beauty marks that were plastered on his neck and face.

He was wearing a dark hoodie that covered his hair a little, but I could still see some poking out.

I couldn't really pay attention to what else he was wearing because of the cigarette between his mouth, that lit an orange ember at the end.

He turned away from the guys and turned towards Stella and Anna giving them a short nod to say Hi before he finally looked at me.

"Who's she?" He asked while keeping his eyes trained on me.

"A friend," Stella said in a duh tone.

He gave another nod, but not really paying attention to what she was saying.

"What's your name?" He asked while blowing smoke in the air.

I didn't know if it was the smell of the cigarette that distracted me, or the looks that made me look stupid, and caused me to not answer him. When I didn't speak for a while but kept on staring at him like an idiot. I heard Stella speak up for me.

"Her name is-"

"I didn't ask you, princess, I asked the girl. She has a mouth, and I'm pretty sure she's capable of speaking." He said in an irritated voice.

Wow... Well, he was rude.

Stella stayed quiet after that, I was surprised that Anna didn't say anything about how this guy was speaking to her. However, in the corner of my eye, I could see that she was tied up with Darren. I looked at the guy in front of me again, and his eyebrow was quirked up in a questioning manner.

"Um, Sage," I said while mumbling the words and looking down.

"See that wasn't too hard, was it?" He asked in a sarcastic manner.

I looked up once again and saw him inhale another puff of smoke before breathing it out through the cold night.

"What's yours?" I said without even thinking.

Oh, crap Sage what are you thinking, you are never upfront like this. What has gotten into you. I was mentally screaming in my head and the fact that he kept on looking forward, and smoking his cancer stick made it worse.

He was probably ignoring me, or didn't hear me?

One of the two.

You're probably thinking why am I being overdramatic, or why am I making a big deal out of nothing. But like I said I barely say words, and am shy to speak to anyone, let alone a rude stranger.

He flicked his cigarette towards the ground, and turned towards me, and answered the question.

"Ky."

"The name's Ky."

"You have too much to say to be mute"

Sage POV

"So, please get with your partners that I assigned you."

I was currently in graphic design working on a project with my so-called partner.

Jeff

He was pretty lazy, and most of the time he just stared or flirted with me.

It was annoying, and quite frustrating because I took graphic design very seriously.

Actually, more than seriously, I wanted to make a career out of it.

To showcase my ideas, work, and art to people when it came to designing was very important. Also, doing something that you love, and making work out of it was a bonus.

"You look really hot today Sage," Jeff said while pulling up a chair beside me.

"Um-"

"So, what are we doing here babe. What can I help you with?" He asked, while leaning in, and invading my personal space.

Before I can respond to him, Anna came to the rescue.

"C'mon get up pervert." She said pulling his chair a little.

He looked at Anna with a surprised and frustrated look.

"What, I'm not a pervert, she's totally into me-"

"Give it a break buddy. She's definitely not into you, like at all."

She got right in between us, and pointed at me while still talking.

"Now Sage here is too nice to tell you that you are creepy, and you will never have a chance, but lucky for you I'm not. So, like I said get up." She stood up all the way and nodded her head towards the other side of the room directing him where to go.

He looked at me with hope in his eyes. I just looked down ignoring the whole scene, well pretending at least.

I heard a sigh come from him, and scraping from the chair before Anna potted herself right next to me.

"Thank you, Anna he's been doing that for weeks now," I said while tapping away at the computer.

"Yeah, I know and it's really cringing to watch him hitting on you repeatedly."

She kicked her feet up on the desk while leaning on the chair showing her high black boots.

"However, you know what the most cringing thing about it all. Is that you didn't say anything to him for weeks." She said looking at me.

"I know, I know I just-"

"I know you don't want to say anything, but I'm telling you if I wasn't here, how long would it have to go on until you would have said something?"

"Probably never"

"Exactly that's the problem. I'm not saying to be rude or anything. But at least tell the little pervert to back off!"

I looked at her and just nodded my head in understanding.

"So, you're welcome for being your hero, and now I can be your great partner helping you in this project"

She grabbed herself a computer, while I stifled a little laugh.

*****

"Please come tonight again sage?"

Stella said closing her locker.

"I did go." I said readjusting my book in my hand.

"I know you did go silly, but I'm talking about tonight, in the present like now."

We both walked away from her locker with my head in the book, and the clacking of her heels on the white tile floor.

"Can you stay out of the book please Sage!"

I felt the book be snatched from my hand once again by her.

"Sorry, I was just at a really good part in the book. "

"Yeah, I know now back to tonight, please come. "

I really didn't want to go out. It was one time, and one time only. I rather read books or watch TV.

I wish I said that out loud, but I just shook my head in a no manner.

There was a pause in the air until she spoke up again.

"Okay, I'm not going to ask you anymore. I don't want it to seem like I'm pressuring you to go out." She said with a bright smile.

"It's okay," I said shrugging my shoulders.

She nodded her head in understanding and grabbed my arms interlocking them together.

She gave me my book from the other hand while asking a question.

"So, what are you going to do at home then?"

"The usual, probably just catch up on a TV show, or read a book."

"Well, I hope you have fun with that!" She said with fake excitement.

"Ha, I definitely will thank you!" I said while laughing a little.

We walked to the car, and the first scene that I saw was Anna and Darren.

He was saying something in her ear, and by the looks of it, it was probably inappropriate. Just by the seductive smile, he had plastered on his face.

"Hey, hey break it up you two. Not everyone wants to see that!" Stella said breaking away from my arm.

She was wailing her arms like a crazy person like they were at a distance from her rather than in front of her face.

"Oh no here comes the prude!" Anna said jokingly.

"Hey, I'm not a prude!" Stella said fixing her olive-green dress that was just below her knees and black stockings.

"Yeah, right." She said sarcastically. She turned towards Darren and gave him a kiss goodbye.

"I'm not a prude, am I?" Stella turned towards me asking with a concerned face.

"U-mm n-o-o I do-"

"Are you really asking Sage? She's like the most innocent out of all of us."

Stella tilted her head in agreement, while Anna crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"Oh, and no offense Sage." She said with a standoffish look.

"None taken?" I said confused while looking at her.

I mean she was right, I guess you can say I was the most innocent out of all of them.

I never smoked, drink, or tried anything with a boy. I did go to one party with Stella and Anna. That was the worst decision that I ever made.

I got a headache from all the weed that was being smoked. Tired of sex-crazed teenagers groping on each other, and the many times that guys would hit on me, and I would have to sneak away from them was exhausting.

It wasn't fun at all. It was miserable, and I would never, ever go to one again.

EVER.

"Alright, let's get home, before traffic," Anna said stepping in the vehicle.

"This conversation is not over Anna!" Stella followed her into the passenger's seat.

I shook my head and followed them going into the back seat as well.

We got into the car and headed straight home.

************************************

"Hey, we're heading out Sage!" Stella and Anna both yelled outside of my door.

"Okay, bye"

I heard the door shut in the living room. I looked around my room trying to find something to keep me occupied.

I looked back and forth between my bookshelf and my movie shelf. I really didn't know what I wanted to do.

I kind of wanted to avoid both things. So, I turned away from both shelves looking for something else around my room.

My room was modern. My comfort was navy blue, with white and blue pillows.

My dressers were brown and contained my movies, books, and different LED book lights for when I wanted to read at night, and my only one mascara.

Yeah, only one.

The only makeup that I actually apply to my face. Well, more of my eyes if anything.

When I was trying to decide, I totally forgot that I needed to finish my project for graphic design.

I pulled out my laptop from my backpack and started working.

A few hours later my phone beeped beside me signaling that I had a call coming in.

I saw Anna's face pop up on my phone, I answered, and paused on my work.

"Hey."

"Hey, are you hungry?"

"No, I'm fine-"

"Okay, well we're on our way to pick you up?"

Before I can even say something back, she hung up the phone. I took the phone away from my ear and plopped it on the bed.

I mine as well go I guess.

I got up and walked to my closet. Picking out a dark blue sweater and some white shoes to wear.

I combed through my hair, and freshened up in the bathroom one time, looking at my reflection through the mirror.

Once, I was done in the bathroom. I heard a honk from outside. I grabbed my phone and walked out of the apartment.

I went down the stairs quickly, spotting Anna's car. The passenger seat window rolled down showing the girl herself.

"Wow, she's finally arrived," She said dramatically, shaking her bangs.

I got up to the car ready to open the back door, but before I could open it fully Ricky did smiling at me.

"Hey Sage!" I jumped back a little startled.

"Ricky don't scare her, and Anna please be quiet." Stella said while hitting his shoulder and glaring at Anna.

He gave me a sheepish look, before he spoke up.

"Sorry" He said while scratching the back of his head

"It's fine" I shrugged my shoulders and gave him a smile.

I got in the car, and closed the door. Darren was driving with Anna beside him, and then it was Stella, Ricky and me in the back of the car in that exact order.

We were driving for a few before we stopped at ZoZo's burgers. It was a nice, welcoming restaurant.

The food was amazing, and free. I used to work there as a waitress when I first moved here. I became pretty close to the people. So, they will give my friends and I free food when we came in which was like always.

The people were so nice, and kind. I loved working there, and it also helped me save money to go into college. Therefore, it was a win-win situation.

I would even work there again, but I felt like I needed something new or anything that was in the column of the work that I wanted to do regarding my career.

So, I work at home, creating graphic designs for websites, book covers, movies, etc. And I get paid for it.

People just request what they want by email.

I give them an estimated price.

Finally, I just send it out to them and get paid through pay pal.

We walked into the restaurant, and almost immediately all the worker's bombs rushed us.

They were all saying their Hellos until Rosanna the manager and Mamma of the whole place came through the crowd taking us to our original spot.

Yeah, we come here a lot, too much.

Once we were seated in our booth she gave us a warm smile, with a notepad in her hand ready to go.

She was so sweet and jolly. She was a short middle-aged woman that had brown hair, with grey coming in at the roots showing just how old she was. She had brown dimmed eyes with wrinkles at the base.

"Is it the usual kids?" She said looking at everyone.

I shook my head not signaling that I didn't want anything.

"Well let me know if you changed your mind darling?" she said winking at me.

I gave her a slight nod before she ran to the back putting our orders in.

"The races were so wild tonight!" Ricky said while drinking his sprite.

"I know Bro, I got so much money off him," Darren responded in a proud manner.

"I wish I did, I mean usually I bet on him, but I just wanted to go for the underdog. You know to shake it up a bit!"

Darren looked at Ricky with an amused look before he responded.

"Oh, and how did "shaking it up a bit" get you?"

At this point, Anna and Stella were both laughing.

"Bad, well that is if he didn't bet on me." A husky voice came from the side.

We all turned to where the voice came from and there was KY.

"Oh, what's up bro?" Darren said with a fist pump

"Yo, good race today man." Ricky chimed in.

"If it was such a good race why didn't you bet on me?" He asked while taking a seat next to him.

"You know me, dude I always have faith in the underdogs," Ricky said shrugging his shoulders.

"Maybe, because you're an underdog yourself," Darren said.

KY laughed a little showing his perfect teeth and dimples?

Oh lord...

"You got that right, ever since childhood," KY said with a little humor.

"Hey, that's not nice!" Stella exclaimed from beside me.

"Oh, hey princess I didn't see you there?"

"There she goes again defending her boyfriend," Anna said with the roll of her eyes.

"He's not my boyfriend!" Stella said defending herself.

Her blonde ponytail was shaking from all the bouncing and moving of her hands she was doing just to prove that Ricky, wasn't her boyfriend.

"Oh, yeah I forgot little princess here, had a dying crush over ginger boy here in high school and now college?" He said pointing his finger at Ricky.

"No, I didn't or don't, now stop you annoying jerk." Stella said sputtering out her words.

"Oh, wow nice comeback." He said with a scoff.

Right when he did that, he caught my eyes. I looked down quickly in embarrassment. However, he still spoke up.

"Oh, you can't hide from me beauty, no hello?"

I looked up in shock, and just stared at him for a minute.

"Well maybe she doesn't want to say H-" Stella was cut off from him once again.

"I'm pretty sure she has a mind of her own, don't you?" The whole time he said that sentence he didn't even give a glance towards Stella.

I still didn't answer him, but blubbered my mouth like a fish. It was going so awful, and I knew it was because by the confusion that was written on his face, and the silence from the table.

Finally, the smell of food and Rosanna's voice filled the air which distracted all of us except KY.

Because he was still staring at the side of my face even when I wasn't staring or facing towards his direction.

In the middle of conversation and chatting, I finally felt and saw him from the corner of my eye turn away and engage in conversation with the boys.

"I didn't know there was a party tonight?" Ricky claimed to push his plate away, and looked at KY.

"Yeah me neither, where is it?" Darren asked turning his whole body towards KY who was at the end of the booth.

"Well, the real question gentlemen is why are we still here when there's a party waiting on us," KY asked with a smirk.

Ricky and Darren both nodded in agreement and stood up with KY ready to exit the booth.

Then suddenly Anna raised her voice towards Darren.

"I know dang well you're not going to walk away from this table and go hang out with your buddies when we have plans tonight!"

Darren sat back down and reached his hand out to Anna before she snatched it away.

"Babe please calm down, we can reschedule, right? I mean it's been a while since I've been out with the boys."

"First of all, don't babe me, second, I don't care if you haven't had boy's night in 10 years. We had plans, and you need to commit to those plans."

"Anna was not married I don't need to commit to anything."

"We may not be married but we are together, and like I said we had plans tonight!" At this point, she was raising her voice.

Darren breathe out before he responded.

"They are just planning it's not that serious, you're so dramatic, and you're acting crazy!" He said putting his hands in the air.

Oh no

He was going to get it.

Anna crossed her arms shook the bangs out of her eyes, took a sharp breath in, and was about to unleash but before she said anything.

KY, Ricky, Stella, and I ran out of the restaurant quickly and left them to it.

Once we were outside, Stella went to Ricky almost immediately talking to him.

I was going to head to the car when suddenly KY spoke up.

"So, you don't speak much huh?"

I turned around and watch him pull out a cigarette from behind his ear, and put it between his mouth.

I was going to say something, but I just settled on shaking my head.

"Why don't you?" He said with a cigarette in his mouth still.

I shrugged not knowing how to answer until Stella came from behind me.

"It's so bad that they used to call her mute in high school." She said with a chuckle.

I turned around with shocked eyes that she put my business out there. However, she walked away before I could say anything.

"Mute interesting?" He grabbed the cigarette from his mouth blew out smoke while looking in the air.

I didn't say anything for a while but just stared at him smoking his cigarette. He was so mesmerizing, I mean even his mannerism.

The way he acted was odd?

However, the way I acted, people would probably say the same thing.

He looked at me square in the face and stepped up towards me where he was only a few inches away. He was so close that I could see little speckles of gold into his hazel eyes. That I didn't notice before

"I may render you speechless, or even annoyingly silent but never mute."

Wow rude much...

When he was done smoking he flicked it to the ground and stepped on it. Before he looked up and tilted his head like he was studying my every thought.

"You have too much to say to be mute."