Bring Me Back to the Wedding

The last thing I remembered was the crushing weight of hooves, the taste of dirt, and the finality of death.

Then, I opened my eyes to a room bathed in red, the scent of cheap incense thick in the air-my wedding chamber, thirty years in the past. This was Autumn Frost and Shen Huaiyu' s wedding night, a life I had already lived and barely survived.

Memories flooded back: a lifetime of unrequited love for my cold, disdainful husband, bullied and humiliated by his cousin Jasmine, culminating in my lonely death on the street.

I was young again, but the innocence was gone. This wasn't a second chance at love; it was a torturous replay. My "husband," drunk and arrogant, sneered accusations instead of gentle words. He spoke of Jasmine, his voice softening for her, while treating me with open contempt.

The next morning, his message through a servant - "Don' t cause any trouble" - was a fresh stab of rejection. My biggest regret from my first life was neglecting my mother while obsessing over him. I vowed that this time, she would be my priority. To secure our future, I planned to take the imperial examination, a dream sabotaged by Jasmine and my own blindness in the past.

But Shen Huaiyu, ever controlling, forced me to visit my mother with him, a public display of his dominion. Then, the fire. Just like in my first life. He ordered me to stay put, dismissively assuring me of my safety, while Jasmine watched with a triumphant smirk. I was trapped, my mother in danger.

Later, he appeared at my side, holding a perfectly forged exam pass. My foolish heart dared to hope, only for him to expose me to utter public humiliation at the examination hall. The pass was a fake.

The ensuing riot injured my mother, confirming my deepest fears: he cared nothing for me, and worse, he was a danger to her. All the pain, the betrayal, the humiliation of two lifetimes culminated in one cold, hard decision: "I want a divorce." He refused, thinking I was hysterical, but I had made up my mind. I would find a way out, even if it cost me everything.

The pain was the first thing to fade, replaced by a bone-deep chill that had nothing to do with the night air. One moment, my world was the thunder of hooves, the grit of dirt in my mouth, and a final, crushing weight. The next, it was the scent of cheap incense and the scratchy feel of a red silk blanket against my skin.

My eyes shot open. Red. Everything was red. Red curtains, red bedsheets embroidered with auspicious dragons, a red tablecloth on the small wooden table. The flickering candlelight cast long, dancing shadows on the walls. This was my wedding chamber. The wedding chamber of Autumn Frost and Shen Huaiyu. A place I hadn't seen in thirty years, a place I had died to escape.

The memories hit me like a physical blow, a torrent of suffering from a life I had already lived. A life of desperate, unreturned love for the man who was now my husband. A life of being pushed aside, humiliated by his cousin Jasmine, and finally abandoned to die alone, trampled by horses in a frantic crowd.

I sat up, my heart hammering against my ribs. The thin wedding dress felt alien on my body. I wasn't the broken, middle-aged woman who died in the street. I was young again. I was back. Back to the very beginning.

The door creaked open, and a tall figure stumbled in, bringing with him the strong smell of alcohol. Shen Huaiyu. My husband. In the dim light, his face was as handsome and as cold as I remembered. He was the county magistrate, the son of a great general, a man of power and prestige. And he despised me.

He looked at me, his eyes clouded with drink and disdain. "You're still awake," he said, his voice flat and devoid of any warmth. It wasn't a question. It was an accusation.

In my first life, I would have rushed to his side, tried to help him, my heart aching with a love he never wanted. Now, I just stared at him, my mind a whirlwind of shock and a dawning, terrifying clarity. I was here. This was real.

He seemed to take my silence as an insult. He walked closer, his shadow looming over me. "Don't think that because you married into my family, you are something special. You are here for one reason and one reason only, and it has nothing to do with my desires."

My throat was dry. I tried to speak, but no words came out. What could I say? That I had already lived this life and watched it end in tragedy? That I knew the depths of his coldness?

He misunderstood my stunned expression. A cruel smirk touched his lips. "What, are you disappointed? Did you expect a loving husband? You should have known your place. A woman like you should be grateful for any position at all." He gestured vaguely around the room. "This is more than you deserve."

He mentioned Jasmine then, his voice softening for a fraction of a second. "Jasmine is not feeling well tonight. She is more delicate than you. You should learn from her, learn some grace instead of just sitting there like a wooden doll."

The mention of her name was what finally broke the spell. Jasmine. The architect of so much of my pain. The woman who had whispered poison into his ear, who had smiled at me while she plotted my ruin.

Shen Huaiyu didn't wait for a response. He turned his back on me, pulling off his outer robe and tossing it carelessly onto a chair. He lay down on the far side of the bed, as far from me as possible, and fell into a drunken sleep.

I sat there in the silence, listening to his steady breathing. The flicker of hope I might have felt, the insane thought that I could change him, died before it could even form. This was not a second chance at love. It was a second chance to live. To escape him, to escape Jasmine, and most importantly, to protect my mother, who had suffered so much alongside me in that first, terrible life. This time, I would not be a fool. This time, I would live for myself.

The next morning, a harsh ray of sunlight cut through a gap in the curtains, falling across my face. I hadn't slept at all. Shen Huaiyu was already gone. The other side of the bed was cold, the only sign he had been there was the discarded robe still slumped over the chair.

A servant girl knocked softly and entered with a basin of warm water. She kept her eyes down, her movements timid. In this house, everyone knew my status, or rather, my lack of it. I was the unwanted wife.

"Young Master Shen has already gone to the county office," she murmured. "He left a message. He said... he said for you to not cause any trouble."

The words were like a splash of cold water, but this time, they didn't sting with the pain of rejection. They were just a confirmation of what I already knew. A bitter pill I had already swallowed in a past life. I nodded, my face impassive. "I understand."

I washed my face, the warm water a small comfort. In the bronze mirror, I saw the face of my younger self. It was a pretty face, but filled with an innocence and hope that was now completely gone. My eyes held a weariness that didn't belong on a young bride.

My desire to see my mother was an ache in my chest. In my previous life, after my marriage, I was so consumed with Shen Huaiyu that I neglected her. When he finally cast me aside, she was all I had left, and she had to endure poverty and hardship with me until the very end. That was my greatest regret. This time, she would be my priority.

But I was trapped. According to tradition, a bride could not return to her maiden home until three days after the wedding. Three days in this cold, suffocating house. I needed a plan. I needed to get out, and I needed to do it in a way that would give me and my mother a future. The imperial examination. That was the key. In my past life, I had the talent, but Jasmine's schemes and my own fixation on Shen Huaiyu had ruined my chance. This time, it would be my escape route.

Later that day, I went to pay my respects to Shen Huaiyu's mother. She was a stern woman who looked at me with thinly veiled disapproval. The visit was short and formal. She gave me a few cold instructions about my duties as a wife and dismissed me. It was clear she shared her son's opinion of me.

I walked back to my room through the pristine courtyard. The Shen family residence was large and imposing, a symbol of their power. It felt like a beautiful, ornate cage. I belonged to a small, scholarly family with no influence. My marriage to Shen Huaiyu was arranged by our fathers, who were old friends from the army. It was a connection my family desperately needed, but it had cost me everything.

As I neared my quarters, I heard a familiar, sweet-sounding voice. "Cousin Huaiyu, you're back so early!" It was Jasmine. I stopped behind a decorative rock, my body tensing.

I heard Shen Huaiyu's footsteps. His voice, when he replied to her, was completely different from the one he used with me. It was gentle, concerned. "I was worried about you. You seemed unwell last night."

"I'm feeling much better now that you're here," Jasmine said with a light laugh. "It's just... this whole marriage. It must be so difficult for you, being tied to someone you do not care for."

I held my breath, waiting for his reply. It came without hesitation. "It is my duty. Nothing more."

The words confirmed everything. I closed my eyes for a moment, then turned and walked silently back to my room. There was no point in listening further. I had all the motivation I needed.