Becoming an Israeli

Sometimes I want to believe life is an illusion

Pain is an illusion and happiness, a mindset.

I gazed through the window admiring the rain drops which clung on to the glass. The streets of Okpanam in Delta State where the orphanage was situated was quiet and humid as the heavy storm which had went on for two hours was finally coming to an end, darkness settled on this side of the earth, it was well past seven in the evening

"Jemma!!!" Bertha called out loudly from the hallway

"What is it?" I shouted back a response, receiving silence. Lillian stared at me expectantly above the book she was engrossed in earning a shrug from me. Lily's a book addict, I am too but her's is on another level

Few moments later the door clicked open and Bertha walked in with a white plastic bag and sat on the rug in the middle of the room and set the bag down

"You okay? Jem" Bertha cast a worried glance my way

"Yeah, thanks" I threw my legs down my bed and went to join her on the rug "what's that ?" In less than five seconds Lillian joined us

"Sister Martina brought these back from her trip, every room has already taken theirs, I brought ours up" Bertha shuffled with the bag and brought out a plastic plate of jollof rice with fried chicken and another plate containing Ice cream which has already started melting

"You called me before tho?" I eyed Lillian who was already chewing a spoon of rice

"Quit looking at me like that" Lillian spoke and moved to take another spoon

"Yeah, nothing serious" Bertha replied me "and Lily, we're subtracting those two spoons from your ration" Bertha picked up and spoon and dug in too and I wasted no time in doing same

Five minutes later we were all spread out on our beds which sat on horizontal file in the room with the headrest resting on the wall with vanities beside the beds with lamps on them and drawers in them. At one edge of the room was the wardrobe where we three owned a portion.

Notre Dame Orphanage home for girls was an orphanage home owned by Catholic Church community run by Nuns. I came here when I was a baby, I was abandoned by the gate, ew cliche! But yeah, by the gate at the early ours of the morning without an ounce of property not even a locket just like in the movies, I have no origin, I just popped out of thin air.

Lillian came when she was six, her mom died and her dad became alcoholic which made the children service save her from her dad and left her in the hands of the nun while Bertha's parents and brother all died in an accident when she was just two years leaving her alone on earth, sure she had scars from the accident but good thing is she survived.

All of us at the orphanage had a sad story and different backgrounds but at the orphanage it was like we were related biologically.

"No way!" Lily exclaimed out of the blues

"What!?" I and Bertha immediately reacted

"Why?!!!" Lily closed her book and rolled over dramatically putting the back of her palm on her forehead

"Why what?" I sat up

"You still well so?" (You sure you're still okay?)

Bertha spoke immediately in our national, Nigeria Vernacular known as pidgin

"Marcus killed Kate, but they were soulmates" Lily lamented

"Um sorry for the loss?" Bertha sympathized pathetically

"She'll come back to life"

Lily head snapped in my direction "you've read it?"

I looked up from my phone and met Lily's gaze steadily

"No"

"How'd you know?"

"Cause I'm Batman" I replied in a gruff voice imitating the legendary superhero and Lily gave me the one finger salute making Bertha burst in a fit of laughter

"I swear her hopes had risen beyond measurable limits" Bertha said in between laughter "Just read on Lily" Bertha lay back down with her hands under her head as she stared at the ceiling. I sat back and went back to the word game I was playing on my phone.

And after that we all fell back in silence and now the rain I thought had already subsided, started heavier than the last time with thunder rumbling and lightening flashing. On this kind of nights I wonder how different my life would've been if I had parents.

Sister Maryanne, the one who found me by the gate opened the door and peeked in, looked around and stepped in. Here we addressed the nuns as Sisters.

"You girls aren't asleep, why?" Sister Maryanne sat on Bertha's bed and folded her hands on her laps with her rosary hanging down her belt

"Nothing, Sister" Lily closed her book and I kept the phone Bertha sat up. We all did this in respect, no matter how close we and the nuns were the respect wasn't negotiable.

"You okay, Bertha?" Sis Mary eyed the turtle necked long sleeve Bertha wore but said nothing about it cause we all were aware she was deeply insecure about her scars and bringing it up would amount a very ugly conversation.

"Yes sister" Bertha smiled with a hint of sadness making Sister Maryanne engulf her immediately in a hug whispering soothing words to her making Bertha tear up a little. I hated seeing my sister like this. Bertha and Lillian were my twins even if we're not related. We'd been together for most of our lives.

After a few minutes, Sis Maryanne released Bertha and tucked her in regardless of the fact that we were already sixteen years and counting and one by one we three were hugged and tucked in. The nuns cared for everyone here as they did for toddlers, that's the fuel we all use to hold on to life and see the best in the worst of it all.

"We love you girls, okay? God loves you more. Goodnight" she turned off the light and left the room closing the door behind her.

I'm sure the other nuns were in other rooms having their own moments with the other girls.

"Tomorrow we go harder girls" I spoke up in the midst of the darkness and thunderstorms

"Forever?" Bertha sniffed

"Till we die!"Lily affirmed

"Till we die" I whispered and was whisked into a heavy sleep

The room's alarm rang loudly at six thirty am successfully waking us up to prepare for the day's activities. I sat up and looked at Bertha's bed which was on my left side to find out that Bertha was already in the bathroom, she's a morning person while Lily on the other hand who was sprawled on her bed on my right side had one of her legs hanging down the bed and was still sleeping soundly. I sighed, threw my blanket off my body, resisted the urge to lay back in bed and walked over to Lily's bed to wake her up.

"Lily" I tapped her gently making her stir and mutter incoherent words

"Lily" I tapped harder

"Get the tomatoes" she muttered pushing my hands off her

"What?" I asked myself bewildered and amused at the same time

Bertha came out the bathroom with a towel around her. She raised a brow amused and walked behind the dresser to dress up

"Lily!" I raised my voice to a moderate level

"Where's the fire!?" She sat up immediately running her hand through her tangled deal curls

"In the bathroom. Wake up, you'll be late"

"Uh huh" Lily sat still, still dazed

I walked to the bathroom to perform my morning hygiene after that got dressed in a comfortable black joggers and a purple long sleeved crop top finishing with a pair of black Converse. Yes, the nuns made sure we had the best of everything down to clothing. Bills on the congregation and society.I combed my hair which was a thick nest of afro, after I put some hair decorations . First a black bandana then a purple butterfly on the left side of the bandana. I'm going to go braid my hair today, can't wait to put on a new look.

It was already fifteen minutes past seven, the bell in the convent chimed. Once it was half past seven we're late and Lily was still sleeping! Thank goodness we weren't on duty to prepare the younger ones. Here in the Phage (code word for orphanage) we the older ones took turns in caring for the younger girls.

"Lily!!!" I half screamed

Bertha came over to her bed and pushed her off the bed

"What the hell!?" Lily screamed flailing her arms

"We'd be late, go prepare" I spoke going back to continue what I was doing, going through my backpack for school, then I checked my phone for any notifcation and like the usuals, none, excluding notifications from the group chat we the girls in the orphanage shared.

I was done preparing and sat on the bed watching Bertha apply make up on her arms, covering the scars to a reasonable extent. She was dressed in a big red top with black shorts that was just above her knees and fancy sandals to match. For her hair, it was already braided so she just brushed the edges and let it free. The length of the braids was at her lower back due to the hair extension she used.

Finally Lily was all dressed up in matching peach top and trousers. It was a baggy outfit and written on the shirt was 'Made with love'. Her hair was still in the natural state like mine, we were plaiting it today.

We left our room to get to the hall in three minutes.The hall was a large room with chairs and a stage where the nuns stood and led the prayers. We all assembled here in the morning for our prayers before we headed to cafeteria for breakfast. Ten minutes later we were on our way to the cafeteria which was on the other side of the orphanage's large compound in groups determined by age and topic of discussion. We the girls in senior secondary school flocked together, the toddlers in thier Disney princess designed clothing walked together with the girl telling the story in the middle, the mid aged girls walked together too talking in hushed tones too. Ella, the girl in our group was talking about a scenario that transpired in her class last week and I'm wondering what brought up the story. I tuned out as I already was confused and bored, finally we reached the refectory.

The refectory was another hall like room with candles in glass holders on the marble wall, three large chandeliers hung from the ceiling forming a triangle. Round tables arranged round the room had four chairs to it. No one had a specific spot, you could sit anywhere apart from the toddlers, or else you were babysitting them. They had a section.

We had breakfast and was dropped off at school, Mater Dei Academy which offered both Primary and Secondary (highschool) education. It was a Catholic founded school.

We the orphans arrives in a large bus to be dropped in the parking lot like other kids, then the younger girls are walked to thier classes by we the older ones. We all picked one girl to drop off and as usual I picked Stacie. Stacie was four years but I had this connection with her, maybe cause she too was abandoned by the gate. Stacie was reticent by nature which made me love her more. She was ebony skinned and thick in body type, she's healthy for her age. We said our goodbyes when we got to her class, I gave her a candy earning a tight hug from her small frame. I whispered that I'd be back to pick her after school.

Niether I, Bertha or Lily shared a class on Monday mornings so I sat alone in Geography listening to Mr Rivers talk about volcanoes. I already read on that on Saturday during our study time back in Phage so I was allowed to be distracted.

After five classes, I was sitting with some of the girls from Phage including Bertha and Lily, I call them 'My Forces' because life forced us to be sisters. Here in the cafeteria we the orphans had two tables subconsciously labeled as ours. Not like anyone said so or anything but that's how it's. Not like we the forces mind.

Lily was reading like always while Bertha was actively contributing to the conversation at the table

I chewed my burger and sipped my drink. I gazed at the full untouched burger on my plate, plugged my earphones and went back to scrolling through my phone

"Jem, will you finish that?" Chloe, a force too, tapped me and asked gesturing to the full burger when I just put the last bit of the one I was eating in my mouth

The conversation at the table died down and eyes fell on me

I stared at Chloe steadily

Do I want to give her?

Yes Jem you do, sharing is caring. My inner voice told me

"You can have it" I pushed my plate towards her smiling

"Thank you!" She broke into a smile with happiness evident on her features. The conversation at the table fired up again.

I felt an inner glow when I saw how much happiness that little act gave her.

A little act of kindness lits up a person's world.

I looked around the cafeteria, sighed and plugged back in my earphones wanting the school to be over, I nodded to the sweet melody of one of Omah Lay's music; my favourite artist.

Back in the Phage after school it was our free time to do whatever we wanted. Everyday after school we bathed, had lunch and did whatever they liked till story time where we all went to the large living room and told stories to the little ones.

Today I and Lily was going to the hair salon, I'm sure Bertha was going to tag along. We three were literally joined at the hip, that's how it was for majority of the forces. We all had our twins who we were more attached to.

"We'd be back soon, Superior!" We called out to the head of the nuns here who was discussing with Sister Martina at the end of the staircase. Superior Elizabeth was very motherly. She played the role of a leader, a mother, a counsellor and many more. She was around when most of us came here.

"Be safe" she called out in response. She already knew where we we're going to and that was the salon we all here patronized so she didn't make a fuss.

"Yes Mom!" Lily called back. We did address her as mom too.

Cold air hit my face as we stepped into the street.

The hustle and bustle on the street of Nigeria was real. We passed by a bean cake joint where people flocked around a lady who sold Akara (bean cake), a road side food. Another spot was filled with people buying suya (grilled meat with spices) .On the other side of the road, drivers of tricycles; the means of transportation on this side of town clamoured for customers, music blasted from a bar, bits and pieces of people conversation amassed to large noise. The humid air, the aroma of bean cake, suya and other roadside foods, the heavy music booming in a bar, all of it just contributed to the homey feeling the country gave.

Finally after eight minutes walk in comfortable silence with the girls we got to Lola's touch; the hair salon.

I and Lily made our hair while Bertha was on her phone throughout on a chair at on side of the room. Soon enough we done.

Some hours later I and the forces sprawl in the sitting room watching an episode of best friends in the world. We were up to twenty in number. The movie was so interesting that we watched more than five episodes. We kept watching till midnight then Sister Agatha tried to pry us out of the sitting room to our rooms to no avail and later had to resort to turning off the TV.

"To bed girls, it's late. You can watch it another day." She stood in front of the TV with hands crossed on her chest releasing them only to adjust her veil.

No one moved we all were still staring at her and she stared right back so it was a staring contest.

Till a girl grumbled and stood up breaking the trance and we dispersed to our rooms to retire for the night.

"Goodnight girls!" Sister Agatha called after us

We all mumbled a similar greeting and left for our rooms.

Few times in my childhood had I been interviewed for adoption. I feel I wasn't the happiest of kids, more like the solitude and reticent kind. Some girls I grew up with back then were all adopted and I wasn't, in all five, made me feel unwanted. I withdrew deeper into my shell.

But seems things were about to change. Just this morning Sister Maryanne burst into the room to inform me that later this evening a couple was coming over and with their description of a daughter as they already had two sons, so Sister told me. I was the one opted by the nuns. This was supposed to be good news but I just couldn't embrace the fact that I'd leave the place I had lived my whole life! My mother figures in the nuns and father figures in the priests who did visit us once a while, or the fact that I might never see Lily or Bertha ever again.

I overthought till my temples hurt, my day moved so slowly with niether Bertha, Lily or I saying a word to each other. We just stayed in silence, I knew they were damn happy that I was going to meet my forever family but not seeing each other again? No one said anything about it.

Soon enough school was over and I was back at the Phage, I was preparing as quick as I could because the couple was going to be here anytime soon. Lily and Bertha helped me with my dressing.

I could decide to ruin this interview right? That way, I'd not be adopted and can stay here longer with the girls.

But that was silly, like Superior would say "We all love you and the girls here so much, but this can't be your forever family. Like the bird leaves the nest to the outer world, you, Jemma must one day leave the Home to the outer world. Don't be afraid of anything Jemma, you'll shine brighter than the sun." Superior would say stuff like these regularly when I was younger and couldn't sleep or cried when a friend was adopted.

"You look beautiful girl, don't ruin this" Lily took my hands in her's and looked me straight in the eye.

"We're sisters till the end. This is what we've always wanted, to be adopted, and yours is here, grab it with both hands, okay?" Bertha spoke and hugged me, Lily joined in. We stayed like that till a knock came and Sister Maryanne's voice came through muffled calling me down to come meet the couple in Superior's office

I did my breathing drill to calm myself down. I walked to the door, turned around, smiled back to the girls and walked out closing the door softly.

Calm down Jemma, this is just the interview

"An interview that could change my life permanently" I mumbled to myself as I climbed down the staircase.

I arrived at the office, knocked and let myself in.

The first face I met was Superior's and the two seats which was on the left hand of Superior's table was occupied by a couple; the lady had a warm aura by main looking. She had a large afro which was bound together by a peach hair tie, brown glistening skin which was flawless, peach nail polish was laid on her finger nails. She was dressed in suit with peach heels.

Her husband who sat beside her with her hands on his thighs was looking quite serious and seemed to be scrutinizing me. He too was downed on suit, he had his hair cut neatly and was handsome for his age, mid forties I think and his wife mid thirties. They were influential, that wasn't something to argue.

I realized I was openly staring and immediately diverted my gaze to Superior.

"Sit down, Jem" Superior offered

I nodded and occupied the seat on the right hand of Superior's table so I was opposite the couple, who might or might not become my new parents.

"Jemma meet Mr and Mrs Anigal" Superior introduced us

I bowed slightly "Good evening, it's a pleasure to finally meet you" I spoke and offered the best smile I could.

"Oh darling, it's our pleasure. You look beautiful" Mrs Anigal gushed.

I like this woman already.

"Thank you ma'am, you do look exquisite too. The necklace does bring out your eyes" I smiled gesturing to the silver necklace on her neck.

"Oh it does? Thank you" she replied touching the necklace.

I nodded and let my eyes drift to her husband who was silent watching the interaction

"Jemma?" He asked still looking serious

Something in his ass?

"Yes sir" I answered

"Beautiful name. What grade are you in?"

I'm sure he already knows all that because I wouldn't believe they didn't read my portfolio with a summary of my life

"Senior secondary school one sir"

"Not bad" he looked back at Superior who was taking notes down.

A head peeked through the door, Sister Agatha's.

"Mother Superior, one minute please"

"Pardon me, I'll be back" and Superior wasn't in the room any longer, leaving me with Mr and Mrs Anigal

"Our daughter died just a week after she was born" Mrs Anigal who I later learnt to be Camilla spoke up after few minutes of silence.

"We tried everything we could to save her but no avail. Two years later I was pregnant with another girl who turned out to be an angel child" she smiled sadly as a tear escaped and her husband's gripped her hand.

"I'm so sorry" I sympathized

"No, no it's okay. I just... Seeing you made me feel happy of some sort, a mother's happiness and I...I...I "she began hiccupping.

Some people really did cry easily.

Her husband Paul hugged her tenderly to his side and I sympathized once more. What else could I do!?

"Jemma, my wife here loved you immediately you walked in, we don't want to pass off as people who are trying to manipulate you or anything but it'd be an honour if you gave us the pleasure of being your parents" Paul spoke slowly rubbing Camilla's back

Was it only his wife who loved me? Didn't he?

"I... I..." I tried to string words to form a sentence

Camilla raised her head to gaze at me "It's okay, you have all the time in the world to think about it, hunny" she offered me a sad smile.

Superior walked in, understanding what was going on didn't even ask. Few moments later I was dismissed.

I walked straight to the room and lay on my bed, the girls weren't here. I tried to think but fell asleep rather but one thought was on my mind.

It was time to unlock another chapter of my life.

Soon I'd be an Anigal.

I don't know how long I slept but when I woke up, Lily and Bertha where sleeping soundly on thier beds.

The room was dark. I felt around till I finally turned on my lamp although I felt something like a portfolio beside it, I ignored it. I slipped out of bed, wore my flip flops, grabbed my phone, turned off the lamp and used my phone as source of light.

I slipped out to the kitchen to grab something to eat getting there I met Sister Maryanne feeding Stacie who looked like she'd been crying but immediately she saw me she spread her arms for me to hug her.

Aww, my heart.

"Sister" I approached hugging Stacie and lifting her up the kitchen island Sister had set her on.

"She had a nightmare, then became hungry" Sister walked over the sink to drop the plate Stacie used. "How was the interview?" Sister Maryanne inquired prying Stacie gently out of my hold so I could grab what I wanted to eat.

I walked over to the fridge and pulled out a yoghurt "it was okay, I guess" I shrugged and leaned on the island to take a swig of my yoghurt

"You like them?" She pushed further rocking Stacie who had began to sulk back to sleep.

I and Sister Maryanne was so close you'd think she was my aunt or elder sister even. We had a very strong bond after all she was the one who found my by the gate and named me Jemma.

"Yes I do actually, they give off homey feels" I said corking the empty yoghurt bottle and threw it in a bin.

Sister Maryanne remained silent

I walked out a little, paused and rounded back to embrace Sister Maryanne, trying not to push Stacie off her grip. She understood the unspoken words.

"You'll be fine Jem, we're always here anytime for you." She soothed

"Goodnight Sister" I ran up the stairs to the room got in bed and drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

Tomorrow I'd read the portfolio I found by my pillow.