Back to Willow

I had already forgotten how hard it is to get a kid up in the early hours of the morning and get him ready. Those were hard long days during my last two years of high school that I sure don't miss.

And yet again, here I am at bloody six in the morning fighting this little devil's bad temper so I can get him to kindergarten before I head to school. It's not high school this time, no. It's college. When I found out about my pregnancy, I was shattered in more ways than one but what cost me the most was the knowledge that my dream to go to college and become a teacher would become impossible.

Well, impossible no more.

I did it. It may be four years later than normal but I still did it and I am so proud of myself. I will be able to show my baby boy that even as a teenage mother I didn't give up on my dream. That his existence encouraged me even more to be a good example to follow.

"Mommy, I don't want to go." He kicks the air with a huff and I roll my eyes at his attitude.

This boy of mine is not a morning kid I kid you not I have received a few hits from his tantrums in the past but I have been relentless in getting him to control his temper, to know it's not ok to hit someone and especially a girl or woman just because he is mad. And he's getting so much better but sometimes he acts without thinking.

Just like someone, I used to know...

"Dylan, what did I tell you about being aggressive just because you don't get what you want? What if you had hit me, huh?"

At my words, he sits up straight and looks at me wide-eyed. I know he does it without meaning to hurt anybody but still, he's too impulsive. I know exactly who he gets it from but I force myself to push those thoughts away.

"No, sorry mommy! I don't want to be bad but I am just so, so sleepy." He buries his head in my chest faking a sob.

Kids these days turn into professional manipulators by the age of five. Thank God I don't fall for it.

"If you had done as I told you to yesterday, you wouldn't be tired right now. Tonight, you'll go to bed earlier," he groans into my chest but makes no move to leave the bed or me. "Come on, let's get you ready. You have your first day of school today and we can't miss it."

"But I don't know anyone in this school." He tilts his head slightly to peek one eye at me.

It's so freaking hard to stay mad at that adorable face, I couldn't even if I wanted to.

"Don't be silly baby, you've spent the last two weeks playing with the next-door girl, Abby. She's your friend already and going to be in your class today."

Dylan straightens up and blushes slightly but keeps what should be a serious expression, one that I just find too cute to take seriously before answering me.

"But she's a girl. The boys will make fun of me for being friends with a girl." He crosses his arms over his chest and huffs.

I just laugh.

"Nonsense Dylan, what did I tell you about this kind of behaviours? Just because other boys like to be mean and take it out on girls it doesn't mean you have to be the same as them to be accepted. Because...?" I prolong the last word to let him finish.

"Because they are in the wrong. You don't hurt or hit girls, not even with a flower," he continues in a monotone voice.

Ever since he started having friends back at Nana's town, where we lived up until recently, I have been trying to teach him to not do what others do or tell him to just because it's cool and especially if it means treating girls poorly. I don't want my son to be a bully, be disrespectful or even worse...

We've moved up to this bigger city - Porto, in Portugal - when I was finally able to enrol into college and this fresh start was everything I had needed and never knew. It was hard at first to have Dylan accept the change but once we got settled and he got to know Abby things have been gradually easier.

I already found a job here, as a waitress in one of the diners downtown. They are flexible with schedules since they are used to hire students often and it couldn't have worked better because it's really close to where I have my classes.

When this opportunity arose Nana didn't even think twice to put her home for sale back in Évora, a small city in the south of the country, and buy one here to move with me and Dylan. Truth be told, I don't know where I would have been if it weren't for her. She stood by me when no one else did and for that, I am forever indebted to her.

"Exactly, and what do you do if other kids taunt you or hurt you?" I ask.

"I defend myself." He puffs his chest and I stifle a laugh; he tries to be tough but he's just too cute at my eyes.

"How so?" I push him, I want to hear him say the correct words.

I want my boy to be good but not too good. I don't want him to take shit from anyone.

"Well, if it's with words I just tell them off but if they hit me, I hit them back." He tries doing what could be a kung-fu move but ends up falling to the mattress on his back.

"No Dylan, you defend yourself and only hit if you really need to." I press. " Got it?"

"But if I can't show off the move uncle Jake taught me, why did I learn them?"

"To defend yourself and no more. Got it?" I press again.

"Yeeesss." He rolls his eyes while dragging the word.

"Good, now go get dressed. Do you need help?"

"No mom, I am a big boy!" He puffs his chest again.

"Ok, I'll be downstairs doing breakfast. Call me if you need help."

Ten minutes after when I am almost done with breakfast Dylan shows up by the kitchen with a lot of energy. The total opposite of the sleepyhead I had just woken up the moment before. This kid is just a ball of energy, I can only imagine when he grows up.

"Mommy, do I look good or what?" He poses in front of me with both hands on his hip, with the latter cocked to the side and a cocky expression on his face.

This kid couldn't be more like him even if I wanted to and it makes my hurt tug. A ton of memories that are buried back in my mind are threatening to be released and dampen my mood early in the morning. That is until I notice how his t-shirt is put inside out and his little jeans are unbuttoned.

I can't control the loud laugh that comes out of me making Dylan frown at my reaction before looking at himself.

"Come here you silly." I motion him to come closer and proceed to take the t-shirt off and put it back correctly and then button his jeans up correctly.

"Thanks, mommy," he chirps and runs off to his seat at the table.

We eat breakfast and I help him so he doesn't get stains on his clothing before taking him to school. There Abby is already waiting for him by the gate and as soon as we exit the car she starts to wave excitedly. Dylan grins at her and prepares to run but hesitates and looks up at me for permission.

I extend my hand, giving the hint that he has to hold my hand. There's a road we have to cross and I won't risk it even though it's right in front of the school and usually, drivers are careful, but you never know these days.

The walk to the gate is quick but not quick enough for my son, it seems. With each step that isn't as fast as he's expecting he tugs on my head, trying to make me go faster. I chuckle silently at his antics and when we finally reach Abby and her mother Dylan lets go of my hand and give Abby a big and tight hug.

My heart melts and reminds me of easier times. Times where I, too, had a best friend like Dylan that would hug me this tight and stand by me for everything. The fact that I no longer have that hurts and has left a big void in my heart, one that even Dylan can't fill. But whatever happened, it gave me what I have today and I wouldn't change my son for anything in this world.

"Good morning," I tell Abby's mom, forcing myself out of my thoughts. She replies kindly with another good morning and we fall into easy conversation about how was the weekend and how excited the kids were for school.

One of the teachers comes outside, letting me know it's time for them to start to go inside and I crouch to Dylan for my hug. He comes without hesitation, hugging me tightly.

"Remember to be good, okay? Voice what you're feeling and be kind baby, I will be back later to pick you up." I kiss him on the cheek as he nods at me before turning back to Abby.

He picks her hand up tangling their fingers together and together they go inside as the teacher accompanies the big group of kids. The sight makes me sigh to try and release some tension. I admit that separating from Dylan gives me anxiety, when he was little, he was my only comfort for my loneliness and when the time came that I had to start to work to help Nana and put him in school, I suffered greatly.

I used to bawl my eyes out every time I left him at school and spent the days on edge, waiting for a call that saying something bad happened or that his father had found about him and taken him. It never happened and slowly, I got used to the temporary time apart.

These next years would be tough though. On top of work, I had college and I am going to have to rely on my Nana a lot, she says she's fine with it and even though she's still totally independent and full of life I feel guilty. This time of her life should be to relax and enjoy and here she is, helping me out get my life straight.

I owe her my life and Dylan's because without her I would have given into the pressure my parents were giving me to get an abortion and even though I was just sixteen years old at the time, I couldn't. It wasn't his fault; it isn't and I couldn't do it.

They threw me out and Nana welcomed me in her hometown without thinking twice, she helped me when my own parents turned their back on me and for that, I am forever grateful. It took me three extra years to finish high school and that is why I am a freshman at college at the age of twenty-two.

Ideal? Of course not, but that's my life and I don't give up on anything. People usually say that if life throws you lemons you do lemonade and that's exactly what I did.

But for now, it's one day at a time and now I really have to go to college.

"Nana, you up already?" I ask through the phone after parking close to school.

"Yes dear, you should have awakened me before leaving."

"Nonsense, you were tired from the big walk on the park from yesterday I wanted to let you rest."

"Well, thank you but next time you wake me up so I can help you."

She's a stubborn one, let me tell you.

"Fine Nana, I am starting school in a few minutes I just wanted to check on you. I'll pick Dylan up later and help you give him dinner before I head to work. Is that okay?"

She never minds putting him to bed when I leave to serve dinners but still, I feel like I should ask and not take her for granted. She's helping me after all, it's not her responsibility.

"Sure, dear. I'll keep myself busy and do some groceries while you're in school. Break a leg little bird, you'll do great."

"Thank you, Nana, love you," I say goodbye to her, smiling to myself.

She really is the best.

Leaving the car parked, I walk up to the building where I'll have most of my classes. It'd be a lie to say that I am not nervous, especially when I am visibly older than common freshmen. If this had happened when I was eighteen, I'd be terrified and anxious. But yet again, if I were eighteen when I got to college I wouldn't be going through this alone.

Oh god, how can I still miss him after all of these years?

The building is packed with unfamiliar faces that pay little to no attention to me and I sigh in relief at that. Turns out college is nothing like high school and I am thankfully grateful for that. I was never a famous girl, but I was best friends with the golden boy. I was able to see the consequences that attention brings without being in the centre of it.

I spent my days in his shadow, being tolerated and acknowledged just because of him and I didn't mind. As long as he kept holding my hand throughout the whole ordeal I didn't mind and he never did let go. Not even once.

Being in love with him was the best thing in my life, after Dylan.

Despite the circumstances, Dylan is my life and unfortunately, because of him, I had to leave my life behind.

A light gust of wind hits me in the face, making me smile. There's no time to cry over the past. I've cried long enough for the whole duration of my pregnancy. Now it's a new start, a new beginning. A new life.

After navigating in the long halls and up the staircases I finally found the first class of today. It starts with English. I'll also have Basic Maths and Natural Science and the rest will be technical subjects to learn how to teach, how to deal with the kids and psychological subjects as well. It's only suitable and I am actually excited about this.

When I was younger, I wanted to be a biologist. But ever since I have had Dylan? It's like a lightbulb appeared in my brain

Ever since, that is what I have been working for. I love dealing with kids and having him made me realize how much I want to teach little kids just like him.

Inside the classroom, there were still a few seats available so I sat around the middle area where a few seats were vacant. In a few minutes, the classroom was almost to its maximum capacity. Just then a pretty girl comes right next to me.

"Hey, is this seat taken?" She asks me.

"Oh no, go ahead."

"My name is Johanna, are you a freshman as well?"

"I am Willow. Yes, and you?"

"Oh god yes. Can't you tell? I am so nervous." She chuckles. " Aren't you?"

"I should be but oddly enough I am not." I decided to start taking my notebook from my bag while keeping a conversation. I had to make friends, right? " So, are you from here?"

"Uh no. I am from the south, Évora. Do you know it?"

"Oh yes, my grandmother is from there. I used to spend a lot of vacations there."

"Funny how we never met, it's a small city."

"I didn't really have much time to go out, uhm - work and all." I stumble a little bit on my words.

It's not that I care about people knowing about Dylan but people judge but I am not the type to just say "Fuck off". Liam was the one who did that all the time and even though I can't really do it, he taught me to at least shut people off when they want to stick their noses where they don't belong.

"Work?" Her eyebrows furrow. "I am sorry to ask but how old are you? You seem really young but your vibe screams maturity all over." Her ability to be invasive in an innocent way is really sweet.

"I am twenty-two. I know I am kind of late to start college but life got in the way and I had to postpone. I made it though."

"Hell yes, girl. That's what women are made of; we never give up!!" She hollers a little too loud for me at the same time the professor enters the classroom.

Of course, that her loud voice makes him turn towards us to glare at us with narrowed eyes. The first thing I notice is that he is handsome. Young and handsome. I may sound like a pretentious girl by saying that I was expecting a much older and much less attractive professor to enter through that door.

"Good to know that this year students are so much more invested in this class." He mentions before turning back to his desk. If sarcasm was visible, I'd see it dripping from his mouth and chin and the embarrassment makes me sunk further down in my chair.

"Damn girl, that man is hot as fuck." Johanna whispers too loudly.

"Shhh" I try to shut her up but he still looks up at us with a cocked eyebrow and all I can do is blush, madly.

Oh god, I hope he doesn't start to pick on me. I was a real nerd at high school, I wasn't the teacher's favourite that was Liam as well but I had the perfect grades and I hope this professor isn't from that type that once he puts you aside will fail you no matter what the effort you put into things.

"Very well..." He starts after clearing his throat. "I am Arthur Adell and I will be with you for English subject for the semester. I know this course is directed mostly to basic education but you will have plenty of preparation for your teaching techniques in another subject so after an agreement with the other teachers I'll be focusing on what regular English subject should be."

I hear loud groans across the classroom making me giggle quietly.

"I will pass a few sheets with the books I expect you to have read and written a report about. Delivery dates are also on the sheets as well as the guidelines you should follow. In class, we will discuss 5 books - which are not on that list. I expect you to read those as well and come to class with things to say because the fact that you get involved and actually know what is being talked about will define 30% of your grades."

Everyone groans loudly - again - while I happily scribble notes about what the teacher's saying. I love reading so that won't be a problem. When it's appropriate I even read my books to Dylan. He loves to fall asleep hearing me reading and we eventually run out of books that were appropriate to him. Then, he started asking me to read to him my books, that 'I am a grown-up too' vibe that he has, has me laughing often but eventually I gave in.

It's funny to put him to sleep because he keeps interrupting me to know the meaning of words or situations he doesn't understand. I even witnessed him falling asleep while talking. Adorable!

A nudge to my ribs snaps me out of my thoughts. When I notice my surroundings it's entirely quiet and a few faces are looking at me, Professor and Johanna included.

"Have you finally come back to us Ms....?" Mr Adell asks, sarcastically.

"Hanlon." I finish for him. "I zoned out for a moment, yes; I am sorry everyone." I smile apologetically.

"Well darling, if you prefer to daydream instead of paying attention you can serve yourself out. There's no point in being here." I gasp at his rudeness and for a moment I felt the need to lash back at him.

I mean, I just spent like 5 minutes scribbling with a smile on my face, thinking about my kid. There's no need to overreact in this way. However, his taunting won't make me lower to his level; I won't snap back.

That is not who I am.

"Of course, Sir." I grit my teeth.

I am not the one to believe in first impressions but he certainly left a negative one on me. How can someone so beautiful seem to be so ugly on the inside?

His jaw clenches and I can sense his discomfort when I look him in the eyes but I quickly look away. I try to not let it get to me but it still intimidates me and makes me uncomfortable to this day.

After a long minute in silence, he clears his throat and continues, jumping straight away into work, making us write a page about one of our favourite books, to hand over by the end of class. It goes by quickly actually; I get so immersed in writing about The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde that when I noticed I had only five-minute left.

Once the bell rang everyone stood, handing over the paper before leaving the class. I was one of the last ones, along with Johanna since we packed up slowly. When I get to Mr Adell's desk I have barely put the sheet onto the table when he talks.

"I hope it doesn't happen again Miss Hanlon, I'd hate to think my class is filled with spoiled brats."

"Looks can be deceiving Sir, I certainly was hoodwinked with your good looks. But rest assured because it won't happen. Never again." I turned away from him before he could answer me back, rushing outside.

Outside warm air hits me and it does nothing to help my burning cheeks. I am sure I am blushing like crazy. I don't know what's gotten into me to answer to him like that, I mean he's a professor he can very well make it his mission to fail me.

What have I done?

I hate confrontation, I hate these types of toxic interactions... I am probably screwed.

"Girl..." Johanna tsks at me when she gets outside. "I have never seen eyes burn with fire like Mr Adell's after you answered him back."

"Oh god, I don't know what's gotten into me. I don't snap back or anything like that." I stress.

Johanna puts an arm over my shoulder and laughs.

"Well, sometimes there are people out there that bring a side of us that is usually buried deep, deep down." She teases.

"Well, no can do!" I say with determination. " I don't want a war with him. He's the one calling the shots inside that classroom and I can't afford to fail or my scholarship is gone."

"Come on then, I think some coffee and food will do you good to destress." She laughs at my nervousness before making me follow her to the Café for a well-deserved break.

It's been two days since that dreadful class. I used to love English but I am not so sure I will enjoy it as much this time. He is terrifying and still, he hadn't left my mind. Even now at work, I keep replaying his petty actions in my mind.

Why was he that awful? And why me? Sure, Johana was loud but there were a lot of other students whispering all around and he didn't even care.

Does he not like me? That's fine there are people that I look at and do not feel comfortable but I just avoid them.

Despite that horrible class school has been good. It's everything I ever imagined and I am so excited to start the real assignments. I will only graduate around 27 but I don't really care because if I were to listen to everyone else, I probably wouldn't be here today.

Better late than never.

"Willow, dear? A few customers have arrived at my table area but Xico needs my help now. Can you cover them?" Shilah breaks me from my trance.

Today work has been calm, the worst days are from Thursday to Sunday. We are close to campus so on weekends students crowd the diner before and after parties but on a Wednesday is particularly calm. That's why I've been in my head the whole time, too much free time on my hands at the moment.

"Of course, Shilah, I'm on it." I secretly appreciate the distraction from these running thoughts.

The couple is already seated at one of the booths and I quickly attend to their drinks while letting them choose what to ask for to eat. I am fast since I have been working as a waitress since Dylan's one-year-old, I couldn't have Nana support me and him at the same time.

I was working and studying online to finish high school while taking care of him. It was exhausting but getting him into daycare was helpful and helped him a lot with his social skills. Much more if he had stayed home with me. I am relentless with him to verbalize his feelings instead of lashing out but he's so impulsive sometimes.

The couple had received their drinks and I had left the requests at the kitchen window already. I was preparing a cloth to clean a booth that had just gotten free when the bell of the entrance brings me out of my new daze. I run to the booth to have it clean by the time the new customer reaches it and just I straighten my back from being bent over to clean it.

By the time I turn around to allow the client to sit down I almost run into a chest and let out a small squeal while falling backwards. The movement makes my hip hit the table making me hiss. Strong hands steady me and as soon as I compose myself, I look up and freeze.

Shit, it's Mr Addel.

"Uhm, I am s-sorry." I stutter, getting out of his firm grasp gently.

He hums but doesn't answer me back, moving to sit down at the booth right away. His expression seems focused and the only thing giving him away is the eyebrows that are furrowed, letting me know he's deep in thought.

I use that to my advantage and rush to bring the menu back to him.

"While you choose can I bring you a drink?" I ask.

"Huh?" He finally looks up at me with a frown.

"What will you want to drink, sir?" I repeat.

His shoulders slump slightly and his expression goes back to the expressionless I have seen most of the time during class.

"Just a water." He breathes and I don't even lose a second turning around and scurry off to bring him his water.

My heart is beating wildly in my chest while I search for a freaking water bottle. He makes me nervous and I have no idea why. Well, I know... Hating on me, for now, reason, making assumptions from what looks? What do I even look like to him? Spoiled brat?

As if!

He's awful, unpleasant and rude That's why.

"Hmm, that one's quite handsome honey!" Shilah whispers next to me making me jump at the unexpected sound of her voice by my ear.

"Yeah, and he's also my professor at college," I grumble.

She whistles lowly before adding: "Damn and here I thought I had found you boyfriend material."

"Don't play matchmaker on me Shilah, all I want from men is distance." She just shrugs her shoulders at me probably meaning "your choice" and I finally find the water bottle he had asked for.

"That long to bring me water?!" It's the first thing that comes out of his mouth.

After placing it on the table I look up at him and his eyebrow is cocked, his eyes are giving me the mischievous vibe.

"I- I apologize. I just started a few days ago and still get confused about where is what." I do my best to keep a kind smile. "Have you chosen what to eat already?"

"So, you're new at this job?" He completely ignores my previous question.

"Ahm, Yes," I say quickly. "Actua-"

"I am curious now... What made a girl as you look for this type of job then?" He cuts me off completely and I gasp in shock at his words.

"Excuse me?"

"You don't really seem the type of girl who would just go on about and work."

I feel the heat creep up my neck right onto my cheeks. His eyes lower and I know he has noticed, the proof of that it's his smirk. How can a person who is supposed to help his students improve and develop their intellectual capacities be this horrid?

I won't answer back. He's a client and he's my teacher.

With shaking hands, I bring my notebook up and face him: "What can I get you, sir?"

"Just a burger with fries, please. Extra cheese."

I write down and nod before leaving quickly. This man must be really unhappy to try and reassure himself upon other's misery. He brings some type of wickedness to his eyes that leave me restless.

Keep your distance and it'll be okay, Willow.

The problem is, I've always done that and it still didn't work out for me in the past.

The memories that this one thought brings makes my heartbeat spike and my breath hitch. I approach Shilah, hoping I can go to my 10-minute break so I can pull myself together. She seems to must have noticed my state or read my mind because as soon as I get close to her, she says what I wanted.

"This is calm now, take your ten-minute break darling."

"Thank you." I squeak before heading to the back room, where I lock myself in.

The moment I feel away from the rest of the world the memory of a strong voice rings in my head: "Come on, Lo, you'll like it."

I can almost feel his breath on me as well like it was yesterday.

"No. No." I whisper to myself. "Don't remember." I shut my eyes and massage my fingers all over my head, trying to force the memories away.

Dylan. Think about Dylan.

My baby boy, my treasure.

I let out a small sob and hug myself. My nose starts to clog up, making it harder for me to control my breathing. I try to blow my nose the best I can with a napkin I had in my apron and pace around the room. I have to put myself together and stop being so sensitive to others.

Why can't I be more like others and not let it affect me? It's not the words that affect me, it's the attitude, the voice tone and the aversion in the eyes. Nana keeps saying I need to stand up for myself more often but I don't really know how to do it. Especially when for a big portion of my life, Liam would do it for me.

Well, you don't have him anymore. And whose fault is that?

Argh!!

A knock on the door startles me and I run to unlock it.

"Everything ok darling?" Shilah peaks through the door.

"Yeah, sorry. I am just nervous; you know being new and all..." I give her a weak smile. " Are the 10 minutes up?"

She nods and gives me a warming smile before speaking: " No need to be nervous, you're doing wonderful."

"Thank you," I say.

I run around serving the clients and refilling the drinks every time I notice or someone calls me and relentlessly clean the booths every time the clients leave. For another half an hour I was able to do my job and gratefully avoid Mr Adell. With Shilah already helping me out I was hopeful that she'd be taking up his table eventually when he finished up eating.

But again, luck was not on my side because at the same time he raised his hand, Shilah was called inside. Taking a deep breath, I head there, trying to keep my head high and my hands from shaking profusely.

"How was everything?"

"Fine." He says emotionless.

"Would you like some dessert?" I try.

"I'd like the check please."

"Sure." I nod and close his tab on the register before bringing it to him. "Here." I put it on the table and at that exact moment, another couple calls me. " I'll be right back."

From the corner of my eyes, I see Mr Adell place the money by the leather case and I politely excuse myself from the couple that was trying to make small talk with me.

I would happily talk to them if I didn't have Lucifer in the flesh a few tables down ready to kill me if I took the wrong step.

"Never took you for the type of girl who would study and work at the same time." He pressed again.

"There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Mr Adell. It only shows that your assumptions about me are shallow... and wrong." I gave him a lip-tight smile.

Okay, my voice came out softer than it was supposed to but I mean... I am not good at this confrontation thing.

"I guess we'll see... Won't we?" He smirked before standing up abruptly. He just left me there dumbfounded without even saying goodnight.

Huffing I picked the leather case and brought it to the register to put the money in the register. When I opened it I noticed that from a twenty euro dinner, he just left a thirty euro tip. What is the...

"There's something seriously wrong with this man," I mumble to myself.

"Who dear?" Shilah asks from the kitchen door, behind me.

"Just a rude customer. But look he left us a 50€ tip." I wave the bill in front of her.

"About that, we don't share tips here darling. What's yours is yours and you deserve it! You've been doing great!"

"Oh god, thank you so, so much." I hug her tightly.

It might not be much but all the money I can make will help to pay bills, paying university and especially help me with Dylan.

Once my shift ends, I do my best to leave as much done so they don't have too much work when it's closing time and head home. Dylan's asleep on my bed by the time I get there and I am so exhausted that I don't have the energy to carry him to his bed.

Instead, I dress my pyjamas and snuggle in bed bringing him close to me. He automatically latches onto me and I sigh in relief at the feeling of his warmth on my chest. It helps me fall into a deep slumber in the only place that gives me peace.