BEHIND CLOSED DOORS: Shadows Of A Perfect Life

Allie's [POV]

I could tell from the look on my mother's face that she was not impressed with my new place. Disgusted might be a better word, or maybe that was a pity; with her, it was hard to tell sometimes. We were sitting at the kitchen table, and the blueberry muffins I had picked up earlier from Brown Bag Bakery were still slightly warm. The butter was organic and local, from grass-fed cows. All the sorts of things I would've thought she'd appreciate. The kitchen floor had black and white tiles and glass door cabinets with little panes that made me feel like the cups and plates were outside a window, looking in on me. I chose not to share this thought with her; she'd probably tell me it was clear that thinking something like that meant I was going insane because I'd been living out in the country for too long.

"It's so..." My mother made a face. "It's so quiet. What on earth are you going to do with yourself up here?"

"I don't know. I've been managing all right so far."

She broke a piece off from one of the muffins, the gold bangles on her wrist jangling. "You say that now, but you've only been up here a week. Just wait until the newness wears off-then you'll be crying to move back to the city, where, you know, life is actually happening. Are there any restaurants? Delivery? What happens if you don't want to cook dinner one night, but no one will deliver because you live out here in the sticks?"

I moved up to Chapin, Maine from Boston because I couldn't deal with city life anymore. I had never lived in a rural area like this, where the trees outnumbered both the people and the buildings, but so far, I liked it. I liked the feel of all the space around me, of the clean fresh air, of the relative quiet at night.

I'd searched on Craigslist and found my own little house, too. It was a winterized cottage, a small two-bedroom with blueberry bushes and a split rail fence. There was an overgrown garden in the back that I'd been thinking about maybe doing something with. I just liked the fact that I had a yard, even if it meant a lawn that I would have to mow. I'd never mowed a lawn before, but I didn't care; I loved that the place was mine, that it was a dwelling not attached to any others, and that I wasn't above or below anyone.

I took a sip of my coffee and chose not to tell her a large part of the reason I had fled Boston, to begin with, was because I couldn't be in her vicinity anymore. Not that I didn't want to be around my mother, but I simply couldn't stand being around my stepfather, Bill. It had gotten worse over the years, though my mother was somehow blind to it all. How was that possible? The few times I had tried to talk to her about it, she had gotten irrationally angry and said that I was jealous and ungrateful. That Bill had provided for us over the years-more than just provided for us, allowed us to live a very well-off existence in a Beacon Hill brownstone-and that I couldn't seem to appreciate the fact that there were probably a million other girls who would be willing to trade places with me in a heartbeat.

Bill, for his part, always gave me this wounded look whenever my mother was around, but when we were alone (which I tried to make sure never happened), that wounded look would change to something more predatory, though he hadn't tried to make any moves on me since that night when I was 15.

"You just wait," my mother said. "Once the novelty of this place wears off, you'll be-" She stopped and straightened, looking out the window. "Now who is that?" she said.

My next-door neighbor had just stepped outside. The houses in this part of town weren't right on top of each other, but they were close enough that friendly neighborhood interaction was a requirement.

"I assume that's one of my neighbors," I said.

My mother craned her neck, squinting. "He's very handsome. You haven't met him yet?"

"No."

"I'm surprised he hasn't come over to introduce himself."

"I think he's pretty busy. He's a doctor."

"A doctor?" She sounded surprised like it was unheard of for a doctor to live anywhere but in a bustling metropolis. "He looks young to be a doctor. How do you know he's a doctor if you've never met him?"

"My other neighbor, Diane, told me. I have met her."

"Well." My mother picked up the paper napkin and dabbed it at the corners of her mouth. She stood up. "No time like the present."

"Mom-" I started, but it was too late, she was already pushing out the side door, striding across the yard, her blue Jimmy Choos stabbing the lawn as she went.

"Shit," I muttered as I stood up to follow. It would be easy to hide in here, but I wanted to make sure she didn't say something ridiculous.

By the time I caught up to her, my mother was already shaking his hand, laughing.

"Allie," she said. "This is Cole."

"Hey," he said, extending a hand to me. Up close, he was extremely good-looking-almost uncomfortably so-but I just pasted a smile on my face and shook his hand. My stepfather was good-looking too, and for the majority of my childhood I'd watched the way women had fallen over themselves around him. I imagined that people did the same for Cole, and I sure as hell wasn't about to be one of them.

"Nice to meet you," I said.

My mother beamed. "Allie just moved in."

"Yeah, we noticed that the For Rent sign had been taken down," Cole said. "Sorry that we haven't been over to introduce ourselves yet, but things have been kind of crazy this past week." He smiled, exposing a row of perfectly white, perfectly straight teeth.

"Don't worry about it," I said. "I've been pretty busy, too." Out of the corner of my eye, I could see my mother's smile faltering-he had said we-but before she could inquire about a wife or a girlfriend, a little boy was suddenly there, weaving around us like an overexcited puppy.

"Oh!" my mother said, stepping back. "What-I mean, who is this?"

"This is Declan." Cole squatted down so he was at Declan's level. "Declan, these are our new neighbors. This is Allie and..." He looked at my mom. "I'm sorry, what did you say your name was again?"

"Jen."

"And her mom, Jen."

Declan, with big blue eyes and shaggy, light brown hair, grinned up at us. "Hi," he said.

"I'm not a new neighbor," my mother said. They both looked at her in confusion. "Just Allie is. I'm only visiting. I'll be returning to the city later today."

"I go to preschool," Declan said.

"You do?" I asked. "How old are you?"

"Four."

"What preschool do you go to?" I was going to be starting my new job on Monday at the Learning Center, which was a preschool the next town over.

"The Learning Center," Declan said proudly.

"Well, isn't that something!" my mother said. "That's where Allie is going to be working. That's the whole reason she moved to this town to begin with-because they offered her a job! Not that there aren't plenty of teaching opportunities in Boston, either."

"They're not really interested in hearing about that, Mom," I said. "Anyway, it was nice to meet you both, and it sounds like I'll be seeing you soon, Declan."

"Yeah, great meeting you," Cole said. "Sorry to rush off like this, but I've got to get Declan to school, and I've got a full day of patients."

"So, you are a doctor," my mother said.

Cole smiled. "Have you been inquiring about me?"

I winced inwardly. This whole first meeting was really going great.

"Diane had mentioned it," I said quickly.

"My dad's the best doctor," Declan said. "I want to be a firefighter when I grow up, though."

"That's a very good job to pick," I said. "Firefighters are very brave."

"I am brave! Look, I can pick up this spider." And he leaned down and plucked a rather scary-looking spider from the edge of the driveway. I almost jumped out of my skin just seeing the spindly legs and the black, bulbous body, but I forced a grin. "You are very brave," I said. Instead of squashing it, like many little boys his age would have, Declan carefully walked the spider over to the front lawn and put it down. "It's not bad if spiders get into the house," he said. "Because then they'll spin webs and catch other bugs, like mosquitos."

"All right, bud, let's say bye and get in the car," Cole said. "It was very nice to meet you two."

"You too," I said, and I waved at Declan as he went over and climbed into the back seat of the car.

"He wasn't wearing a wedding ring," my mother said once we were back in the kitchen.

Allie's [POV]

I tried not to roll my eyes. "Of course, you would notice that. And just because someone isn't wearing a wedding ring, it doesn't mean that they're not married."

"I got the distinct feeling that he wasn't, though." She sighed. "Not that you want to get involved with a man who has a child. That's a whole Pandora's box that's probably better left untouched."

"Kind of ironic coming from someone who did exactly that," I said, though of course she had a point. If she had never gotten involved with Bill, he never would have tried to come into my bedroom when I was a teenager.

"Allie, I don't want you to think I'm not supportive of your decisions," Mom said. "It's just that I can't help but worry about you alone up here. I mean, you're living in a house all by yourself! What if you need help with something?"

"Like what? Opening a jar of pickles? I lived alone when I was in Boston, too, Mom, and I somehow managed just fine." It was when I was living with her and Bill that things weren't so great, but I didn't bring that up.

"So what have you got planned, other than work?" my mother asked. "Not that there's much to do around here."

"Well, work is a pretty big one," I said. "I definitely want to get settled into my job, and I'll probably do a little exploring. I need to set up some appointments once my insurance goes through. I haven't been to the dentist in like a year."

"You've got good teeth. Do you floss?"

"Yes."

"That's more important than brushing, you know."

"It is?"

"Absolutely. Especially as you get older. Just ask your dentist. He'll tell you I'm right."

"I need to make an appointment for a physical, too."

"That's a good idea. You definitely want to take care of your health. When was the last time you had an annual? That's probably even more important than the dentist, you know."

"I'm not sure," I said. "They both seem pretty important."

"Well. It's more important once you've become sexually active..." My mother let the sentence die off, waiting to see if I would confirm or deny anything.

"Still not," I said. "And still don't feel like having this conversation with you, either."

Ever since I'd turned 18 (I guess the age that my mother had decided a girl should have lost her virginity by), my mom had been pestering me about the fact that I still had not had sex. At first, it had been something like a joke, something she gave me a good-natured hard time over, but now it seemed more as though she was actually concerned.

She squinted at me. "You're getting a little old, aren't you, Allie? There aren't many 24-year-old virgins left in the world, you know."

"I haven't met the right guy, I guess." I decided not to mention that for the past couple of days, it had been burning when I peed. Dr. Google was telling me that it was probably a urinary tract infection, but if that was the case, I would likely need a prescription for an antibiotic.

My mother gave me a grim look. "Well, other than your neighbor over there, I wouldn't say you're going to have that many prospects around here."

I was a little nervous about my first day at the Learning Center, though not as nervous as I'd been at some of my other jobs. I'd had a phone interview with Becca, the executive director, and then I'd driven up for two days to meet with the Kris, the lead teacher, and Amy, the other teacher, a short girl with thick brown hair and pretty blue eyes. They were regular, down-to-earth people who really enjoyed their work, and that made me feel at ease. The kids were all great, too, and I was looking forward to getting to know them.

The center had big windows, wide hallways, and white walls covered with student artwork. That was one of my favorite parts of working with kids this age-their imaginations were so great.

I was across the room, reading a story to a small group of girls when I saw Cole dropping off Declan. He was talking with Kris, but he looked right at me and gave a little nod. I looked back down at the book without acknowledging him, though Declan came bounding over and wriggled his way onto my lap. When I looked back over to the entrance, Cole was gone.

The first day passed quickly, as first days often do. I'd been hired as a teacher, though for today, I played more the role of assistant and observed the routines, tried to learn all the kids' names, helped with setting up activities, and then cleaned up after them. Summer would be starting soon, but most, if not all, of the kids would be returning for the summer program.

"So how do you think your first day went?" Amy asked that afternoon, once all the kids had been picked up. We were going around the classroom, making sure there were no blocks, LEGOs, or MagnaTiles that hadn't been put away.

"It went pretty smoothly," I said. "Everyone here is great."

"You did awesome," she said. "I'm so psyched that you're working here. Don't get me wrong-I think the world of Becca and Kris-but it's nice to have someone closer to my age. How old are you?"

"I'm 24."

She grinned. "Me too! You didn't grow up around here, though, did you?"

"No, I grew up in Boston."

She widened her eyes. "Oh, the city! I knew it. I could just tell that you weren't from one of these small towns. And I totally mean that as a compliment."

I could just see my mother smirking as if she had been there to overhear that comment.

"Well, thank you," I said. "Though I moved here because I really needed to get away from the city. And you know what? I like it a lot so far."

"It gets kind of boring. I should know-I've lived here my whole life. But..." She paused, grinning. "I heard you live near one of our students. Declan told me the other day. He's very chatty and couldn't wait to tell us that he and his dad lived next to the newest teacher here."

"He's adorable," I said. "I met him the other day. He's my next-door neighbor."

The grin widened. "So you've seen Cole, then." I could tell by the sparkle in those blue eyes of hers that she had a thing for him.

"Yeah," I said. "He seems nice, too."

"I wouldn't talk about this if Becca or Kris were around, and I know it's wicked unprofessional, but I think Cole is just gorgeous. And if you think it's wrong of me to think so, just tell me, and I won't keep talking about it."

"There's nothing wrong with thinking someone's hot," I said. "I'm certainly not going to tell you otherwise."

"So... What's it like being his neighbor? Is he, like, out there mowing his lawn without his shirt on?"

"I've only talked to him that one time, actually," I said. "Sorry to disappoint you."

"I bet you'll have plenty more opportunities to talk to him! I've bumped into him in town and stuff before."

"So...there's no girlfriend or anything? Declan's mom?"

Amy shook her head. "No. And you know, I've heard a couple of different things about what happened there; I've never asked him about it, obviously. That would be so weird, like, Hi, you're here to pick up Declan, but before I let you sign him out, why don't you tell me what the story is with his mother?" She giggled. "Talk about awkward!"

"What are some of the things you heard?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Hmm, let's see. I heard that Declan's mother cheated on Cole a bunch, but she was the love of his life, so he kept taking her back, and then she finally ran off with this guy, another doctor, but older. I've heard different variations of that one from a couple of people. I also heard that his super well-off parents didn't like the mom because she was from a working-class family, so after she had the baby, they basically paid her off."

I frowned. "That's terrible. And hopefully not true."

"Yeah, I don't know if I believe that one. It sounds like such a soap opera or something! But it is a little weird, don't you think? That it's just him?"

"I don't know," I said, shrugging. "It's not that weird. The single parent thing is pretty common."

"I just mean that a guy that good-looking, you'd think he'd be with someone."

"Just because you're good-looking doesn't mean you're not a complete asshole," I said. Amy had a slightly horrified look on her face. "I'm not saying that he's an asshole," I added quickly. "From what I know, he seems pretty nice. I'm just saying that being good-looking doesn't mean you're always going to be with someone. That's all."

"Right," she said, though she gave me a funny look like she thought maybe I didn't know what I was talking about after all.

Cole's [POV]

I stood at the end of the driveway, watching as Declan proudly rode his little 16-inch bike without training wheels. I was trying to appear more awake than I felt. We lived on a quiet street, so he was weaving from one side to the other, pedaling wildly, a grin on his face.

"Lookin' good, buddy!" I shouted as he turned a 180 and came zooming back toward me. It was Saturday morning, bright and sunny, the air warm with a refreshing breeze. Declan and I had been up since 7, and I tried not to start thinking about past weekends, years ago, when I'd sleep in until sometimes 10 or 11. I couldn't remember the last time that I'd slept in that late.

Declan came to a wobbly stop in front of me, sliding off his seat first though, and putting his foot down.

"See, Dad?" he said. "I did it the right way."

"You did," I said. "And you look great. Uncle Ben will be here later, and he's going to think it's about the coolest thing ever to see you riding your bike. Did you know some 4-year-olds have never even ridden on a bike before, never mind ride one without training wheels?"

He nodded. "Maybe I can help them," he said.

I smiled. He was always so willing to help other kids. "That'd be nice of you. You'd be a good teacher."

He looked past me, toward Allie's house. "Like Miss Allie," he said. "She's a really good teacher. Hey, can I go over and show her how I can ride my bike?"

I glanced over my shoulder. Her car was parked in the driveway, but the front door wasn't open, and there didn't seem to be any signs of life indoors. I imagined her slumbering peacefully, with no alarm set, waking up whenever her body decided it was time to.

"Maybe not yet, bud," I said. "It's still on the earlier side. If we see Allie out later, you can show her."

"Will you ride your bike with me?"

"Sure," I said. I went into the garage and got my bike off the stand. I'd been a pretty serious road cyclist since high school, though that had definitely taken a back seat since Declan had arrived. I didn't bother to put my cycling shoes on or a helmet; I just swung my leg over the top tube, settled myself into the saddle, and remembered how glorious it used to feel to wake up late, throw on my kit, hop on the bike, and ride for 80, 90 miles.

It was a little torturous, being on the bike but not being able to just ride in the drops, pedaling as hard as I could just to get into that zone where it felt like you could go on forever. It almost felt as though the bike-a carbon Domane-was quivering underneath me, like a Thoroughbred on Derby day that was being held back while all his brethren raced onward without him.

Declan pedaled after me, his legs going three times as fast as mine. I coasted, letting him catch up.

We rode to the end of the street and then back, and as we approached the driveway, I saw that Allie had just walked out the front door toward her car. Declan saw her, too, and swerved right in front of me. I braked hard, and almost ended, but since I wasn't clipped in, ended up sliding off the saddle and smashing my balls right against the top tube. The word FUCK reverberated through my head as I gritted my teeth and tried to keep from falling to the ground and curling up in the fetal position. It didn't seem that Declan or Allie was aware of the agony I was in, so I tried to pretend that everything was perfectly fine and I didn't feel like I was suddenly going to hurl that morning's coffee all over the side of the road.

I gingerly got off the bike and walked it into the front yard, leaning it up against one of the red maples. Declan was showing Allie how he fast he could go, and Allie had a big smile on her face as he pedaled.

"He's doing great," she said when I limped over. She tilted her head to the side. "You okay?"

"Superb," I said, trying to ignore the wave of nausea that washed over me.

"Not too many 4-year-olds could ride a bike like that. I'm very impressed, Declan!" she called.

He grinned and came to a stop in front of us. "Do you have a bike?"

"No. I used to when I lived in the city, but I gave it to my friend."

"Oh." Declan looked disappointed. "Do you think maybe she'd let you borrow it sometime? Then we could all go for a bike ride together."

"This is a very nice area for biking," I said. "Especially now and then again in the fall."

"Maybe I'll buy a new bike," Allie said. "This does seem like a good place to go bike riding. I like to go running, but I wouldn't mind having a bike again, either."

Declan started smiling again and then pushed off, riding back toward the end of the road. Allie watched him go.

"He okay by himself?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said. "He knows to turn around at the end of the road. This is a pretty quiet road if you haven't noticed already yet."

"I like it," she said. "I like that it's actually quiet at night and that in the morning, I get woken up by the birds and not some taxi honking or someone's car alarm going off."

"You're from the city?"

"Boston."

I nodded. "That's cool. I went to BU. I rather liked living in the city, though it could definitely get tiresome."

"I'm not saying I'll never go back," she said, "but I grew up there, so I was definitely ready for a change of pace. Anyway, I've got to run or I'm going to be late for my dentist appointment." She waved to Declan, who pedaled furiously back over.

"You're leaving?" he asked.

"I've got a dentist appointment to go to. Got to make sure that my teeth are nice and healthy." She smiled, showing him a nice row of white teeth. "But maybe I'll see you later on, okay? Good job riding the bike."