Attraction one

Preface

I had been drinking vodka all night, that's about all I remembered from that day. It had been a long time since I'd spent a Saturday night with Natasha, and when it did, I managed to tragically end it all. After a long night of carousing and long conversations with Marcus and other friends, we concluded that my brother would never allow me to go out with Natasha, at least not in his car and me driving. But he was traveling that day, he would never have known if it weren't for the accident. We talked between laughs inside the vehicle, while I took her to my house. She was so happy that day that it somehow rubbed off on me. I put my foot on the accelerator and she laughed. For a moment, I took my eyes off the road and fixed my eyes on hers very intently. That's when I looked forward again, but it was too late. In my direction a light came so intense that it hit my face directly, I threw the vehicle to the side in time to avoid a collision, but I completely lost control, and we fell into a ravine, overturning several times until I didn't remember anything else.

Exactly six weeks ago, I woke up in this hospital, in Lausanne, Switzerland. I was told that I was in a coma for eight long months and that it was a miracle that I was alive. But every story has its downside, I was also told that Natasha died and that I could be paralyzed forever. I don't know when it started – Guilt – but it's growing, choking me, choking me like a poisonous parasite. This thing has invaded me and has been giving me nightmares every night. I wanted a thousand times to have been prosecuted by the governor of the state for having killed his daughter, which makes me feel impotent. At that time, the expertise concluded that there were no culprits for the accident, thus freeing me from being arrested for drunk driving. If they knew that punishing me would ease my pain, it would change the end of this story. Sometimes I even manage to get distracted when Paulo brings movies and games or when I'm watching videos on the internet. I want to be myself, to be normal again, but when I think about it the inevitable happens, I'm hit with the realization that I screwed up, with my haste and irresponsibility. A horrible feeling in my chest, sinister and paralyzing, haunts me constantly. I always thought I could do anything because I was beautiful, full of health and money. He could handpick the girls he would stay with for several nights. Drinks, ballads, my whole life was like this, and I was happy, until life turned me inside out and showed me that the wrong side is my right side.

The feeling of waking up far from home, surrounded by strange people, and no longer feeling your legs move makes you value your life more. Now, as I'm lying here in this hospital bed, I'm anxiously waiting for the doctors to announce that I can go home now. I close my eyes, put on my headphones, trying to forget everything while the Justin Bieber tells me:

Is it too late now to say sorry?

Because I'm missing more

Then just your body I'm Sorry

- How do you feel today? – I just feel that hand touch me, I open my eyes and see Paulo standing beside my bed.

- Hi – I take the headphones off while pausing the music – What did you say?

- I asked you.

- I'm fine – I sigh – unless there's another way to be better.

Paulo looks nervous, a little uneasy. He moves away from where he is and sits down in one of the armchairs in the room.

- Didn't you tell me you'd only come when I was discharged? - I ask, while he takes a magazine from the table and leaves through it – What are you doing here, did something happen that I should know about?

- No – he drops the magazine aside – nothing serious.

I give a crooked smile and wait for him to open his mouth and start telling me.

- Someone is coming to Switzerland to see you – he looks at the clock, analyzing the time He must have already arrived this way.

- A person? – I'm in doubt if he speaks the truth – And who would that be? Since no one has ever come to visit me other than you.

- Zoe Morgan.

Instantly a smile spreads across my lips and I forget about the guilt and pain. I lose the air. How fitting to see that, even after so long, that name makes me feel strange about my past with her. True, before the accident, that afternoon when she disappeared from my life, I knew we would see each other again. Even now, after so long, I still ask about her, but Paulo's answer is always the same: Zoe graduated, is now a teacher and will soon marry Eros. I always wondered if she had forgotten me, if Eros Parish would manage to take my place in her heart, the fact that she never came to visit me would answer that.

- But you said...– The memories hit me like a wave.

- I know what I said, – he interrupts me, getting up and walking towards the door – I just want to ask you to send her away as soon as possible, understand?

- I cannot do it. – I want to get out of that bed and go meet her before Paulo finds her in the corridors and makes her give up seeing me – Is it so hard to believe that I've changed?

- Can I really be Arthur? – He continues standing at the door watching the movement, waiting for some sign of Zoe – Anyway, Zoe came here without her mother's consent. Get her back to Brazil as soon as possible.

I want to object, but he walks out the door in a hurriedly nervous way, leaving me doubtful and extremely suspicious. There were loose ends in the story that made me sure Paulo was lying to me. If Zoe was doing so well without me, if she didn't care at all – as he told me – the state I was in, why was she here? Why after so long does she decide to show up? I don't have time to find the answers, I turn around and see that girl standing in my bedroom doorway. His eyes shine fixed on me. For a moment, my anger at being trapped in that bed is quelled by nostalgia, and I realize how much I've missed her. She stands right in the middle of the door for long seconds, smiles, and then comes toward me in such a hurry it makes my heart race.

A hug.

A sigh.

How good it is to have you in my arms once more.

I love you...

As the rain falls relentlessly, I still hear the timbre of Arthur's voice telling me this as if it were now. It's like a ghost chasing me around every corner, all the time. I can't forget him, not after that.

Four months later, and we are finally here, experiencing one of the happiest days for Elisabeth. The day of your marriage to the mayor of the city. There is a special glow on your face. She smiles when she looks at me, but her eyes take on a distant, worried look as she gazes out the window at the rain, one hour imperceptible, almost charitable, and minutes later just as fierce and blatant.

Now I can't take my eyes off my mother. Not even the cloudy sky and the rainy day erased the brightness of his eyes. I can dazzle her dressed as a bride, even if my eyes filled with tears clouded my vision a little.

-What do you think, Zoe? – She asks, her voice breaking.

-You look beautiful, Mom, – I reply, smiling.

She walks towards me, slightly emotional, and wraps me in a tight and warm hug.

- Let's stop – I pull away and look into her eyes – before you smudge all that makeup.

Nicole approaches, smiling, and helps Elisabeth put on her veil. I can see your hands shake when you first hold your bouquet of flowers. That wedding dress, with that beautifully designed lace, was the dream of many women. I had never seen anything as beautiful as this.

We entered the limousine rented by the mayor – this time paid with his money – and headed towards the church. I don't know, the fact of seeing my mother getting married is unreal to me. It is likely that the penny has not dropped yet. It's also likely that I'm in a trance with reality, knocking on my door warning me that starting today I'm going to live under the same roof as Arthur Bernardo.

For the last four months, my routine has been divided between teaching classes and going to the shops, picking out buffers and preparing Elizabeth's wedding decorations. Paulo insisted on getting married as soon as possible before the next elections, and even postponed Arthur's long-awaited surgery. In fact, I haven't seen him in so long that I don't even know what he thinks about all this. I know your desire to walk again one day, and I know how fundamental this step is. Surely it wasn't that difficult for him to give up something so important for something much bigger at his brother's request. After that day when he proposed to me, we didn't talk anymore. "I love you" was the last thing I heard from him since then. He told me that, and left, leaving a choking lump in my throat. Two days later, exactly, Arthur traveled to the capital and started physiotherapy and all the exams that precede the surgery. During those long four months we saw each other only once, from afar, at the church door before the ceremony rehearsed. Now I prepared myself emotionally to meet him once more, walking beside him down the aisle. We walk together to seal once and for all the unity of our families.

As soon as I get out of the car, the first face I see is his; Arthur, so handsome, dressed in an elegant suit. He smiles at me and it's inevitable that he won't return that smile. My heart hammers in my chest, my hands shake as I hold his once more. I want to say something, anything. Maybe a hello would be enough, but I can't. Nothing comes out of me but a long, shuddering sigh, hoping to calm my heart. I could stay there all night, just feeling the warmth of Arthur's hand in mine, letting the silence sink in between us.

- Did I ever tell you how beautiful you look?

Arthur starts to speak but doesn't look at me. I look down at the wheelchair, knowing that a flush has invaded my face.

- I don't remember hearing anything like that from you lately.

The godparents were already entering the church one by one. He looks up and smiles.

- Very rude remark, Zoe, after a compliment like that.

- Well, I learned from a handsome young man I met one day – I commented laughing – but I thank you anyway.

- I'm sorry to inform you that this boy you're referring to die in that terrible accident. Only me left. Can you settle for that?

- That's enough – I squeeze your hand affectionately – it couldn't be better.

He kisses my hand tenderly, and we are silent again.

I turn and see Eros with the grimmest expression possible. There was no sparkle in his gaze. He looks disappointed, sad, making me feel like the worst woman ever for hurting him like that. I wonder how long he's been watching us, and I haven't had a chance to produce an answer. I look forward. All the godparents had entered, contemporary music was playing in the background, our turn had finally arrived.

Will we be able to follow the protocol properly?

Or is Arthur comfortable in this position?

He moves the wheelchair as I accompany him, halfway down the aisle, to the altar. More than two hundred looks full of expectations, questions, and so many other things that I prefer not to imagine falls on us. The smile almost disappeared from my lips. I'm once again being the center of attention, and I hate it. I watch Arthur with his head held high, so sure of himself. Is that supposed to cheer me up? I can see that he doesn't care what others certainly say about him, it doesn't faze him, and I should follow the same path.

The truth is simple: time was suspended in the air and when we finally reached the altar, I almost had to force my legs to carry out their simple role of supporting me. Elisabeth would hate to know that Arthur and I unwittingly get more attention than she does at her own wedding.

The ceremony takes place with my mother entering the church hall so emotional that for a moment I imagine her passing out in the middle of the way. Paulo's eyes widened with pure devotion to see her coming so slowly straight into his arms. I watch the man at her side who leads her to the altar. Strangely, he looks more handsome than he used to. An almost perfect gentleman that any good girl in that city would like to get to know better one day. Elisabeth knew this so well that she didn't think of anyone but Eros to enter the church with her and make it clear to anyone that he was still her favorite son-in-law.

The priest speaks and it seems like an eternity. The ceremony was over, and I realized I got more emotional than I should have. People greet the bride and groom and I wonder what time it will end.

- Today was good, huh, Zoe – I heard that voice behind me and I turned around. It was Naomi.

- I would say special – I hug her happily – and a little tiring.

- You mean boring, right, girl. Ah, the longest sermon I've ever heard – we laughed together – these things should be banned at weddings.

I agree with a slight nod of the head, and we are silent for a few seconds.

- How do you feel about the changes your life has taken?

- I? – I look confused, but I know what she's talking about – incredibly surprised and not at all prepared.

-Arthur seems happy about the idea.

I look at Arthur, who smiles. It tells friends something funny, so funny that their eyes sparkle. Next thing I know, I'm laughing with him without even knowing what.

-And you too, – she concludes.

- Me what?

I stop laughing immediately when I realize what a ridiculous role I'm playing.

-You're also happy that you two live under the same roof now.

- I wouldn't say happy, girl - I say - I'm certainly scared shitless.

- Fear? – Naomi doesn't seem to believe it and laughs – There's nothing to be afraid of, dear Zoe. The most that can happen under that roof is you find out right away that he's the one you want to be with in the end.

- Fear? – Naomi doesn't seem to believe it and laughs – There's nothing to be afraid of, dear Zoe. The most that can happen under that roof is you find out right away that he's the one you want to be with in the end.

A lump choke my throat when I think about it and prevents me from uttering another word. She was being too kind in concluding that, because, deep down, I know that this is just one of several possibilities that may happen in that house.

- Aren't you going to take pictures with your new family? - She asks, teasing me – Your mother seems desperate looking for you.

I look at Elisabeth who has her neck stretched out in the middle of the crowd looking for something, when she sees me she waves her hand.

- You took the day to make fun of me – I hug her saying goodbye – I'll tell you later how it went.

- Deal, – she smiles.

I slipped away from the crowd, still smiling at the comical way in which Naomi treats the facts of my life. Deep down, I like to have become good friends.

Then a family photo shoot begins, but it doesn't last long. A man with inappropriate attire for the event cuts through the crowd of guests, stopping right in front of us. For a moment that face looks familiar to me, but maybe not, he just looks like someone I once knew.

- Hello, Elisabeth, – he says.

I look at my mother's startled expression, and I'm immediately sure that she knows him well and that she doesn't like his presence there at all.

- What the...– Her eyes fill with tears, her hands shake. I can see the dread spread across the beautifully made-up face of Colorado's newest first lady – What are you doing here?

- Can't you imagine? – He asks.

Paulo is about to interrupt the dialogue because he realizes that Elisabeth is not well, but he cannot hear what he whispers in her ear next.

She takes a step forward, then another. Everyone seems curious, even me. I think about asking her what's going on, but I decide against it because I know that in the state Elisabeth is in, she won't tell me a single word.

- Please go away, – Elisabeth begs.

- I'm sorry – he says – I need to meet my daughter, and you can't deny me that.

My heart freezes.

I hold my breath. One step after another, and I'm stopped by a hand that grabs my shoulder and lovingly asks me to calm down. I look at Eros right behind me and I can't believe this is happening to me.

- Daughter?

I ask, but I don't know exactly who. Elisabeth walks quickly towards me and looks at me desperately.

-Zoe, – she tries to finish, but is interrupted.

-So, you're Zoe? – I don't remember seeing him approach, just asking myself that already close to me – So are you, my daughter?

We took a bus that rainy afternoon. Elisabeth seemed nervous, with the storm, with the situation, with me. The streets were flooded, and I was drowning in a feverish sea of ​​malaise that had been raging for days. I was nine years old, and my mother took me to the nearest hospital – almost fifty kilometers away – worried about something serious that I had. I don't remember everything that happened, but I do remember that on that difficult day we talked for a few minutes about something painful.

- Why don't you call my father? – I asked with a hoarse whisper.

- No need – she answered me without looking into my eyes.

- Need, sim, mother – I whispered again – why don't you call? I want to meet you.

I remember her silence. From the expression on his face changing from nervous to something far more striking. She closed her eyes, ran her fingers over her temple. Though, today, I know she thought a lot before telling me that and completely changing my view about the guy I called dad.

- Listen, Zoe – he caressed my face – you don't have a father. I am your father, because I have been the one who has carried you, loved you, been always by your side and will always be. It was difficult, and it will continue to be, but we have one, the other and that's enough.

- But mother – I was delusional to insist so much on that subject – everyone has a father.

- Not everyone, little flower. When you grow up, you will understand this.

And I understood.

Turns out my dad, meaning the guy who got my mom pregnant, never wanted to be a dad, but Elizabeth figured that out a little late. It was an ineffable romance for her. They made vows of love, promises, plans for a life together and she, in love, didn't doubt any of them. He convinced her to prove his undying love, and she was so happy and fulfilled she went to bed with him. A single time was enough for the fruit of her disillusionment to sprout within her. A single conversation was enough for Elisabeth to know that the man who swore to love her had another life, other plans. His priorities and goals were many, but none of them described him as a father. He left, not only abandoning a pregnant woman, but denying the responsibility of a lifetime. It was an ordinary story, nothing extraordinary, nothing surprising. As I grew up, finding this type of abandonment was more common than I realized. But what I still don't understand is why I wanted someone I'd never met by my side. Someone who never picked me up, who never hugged me, who never called me daughter. Someone who refused to love me. How could I question my mother about a ghost? How could I doubt that she would be able to take care of me alone? And the years passed with Elisabeth devoting herself to me so intensely that I even forgot I made that mistake. I completely forgot I had a father. Until today.

Now, in front of this man I don't know, he didn't show any reaction. I look into his eyes, which look happy to see me. His face, so downcast for a moment, seems to shine with that smile, sincere, I don't know. But I can't feel anything but the shock of surprise. He steps forward still smiling, I decline, scared now.

- Hi, Zoe, – he says.

- Why are you here? – My mother comes between the two of us – Why did you come back after so long? For what, Richard?

He doesn't answer, I remain silent too.

Paulo approaches Elisabeth, whispering something in her ear. She nods. Then walks to the man and invites him to enter the church.

- Talk to you later. - Your eyes are now blurry. She wipes away her tears, kisses my cheek, and walks back into the church.

I don't protest, nor do I want to join that conversation. I know they will talk about me. Discuss my future. Decide whether I should talk to that man, or at least listen to what he has to say, but I don't care about any of that. I'm still in shock. I'm still trying to figure out what the fuck is going on with my life again.

The guests gradually dissipate, but everyone who passes by me expresses a look of pity and leaves, whispering something that I know is not pleasant at all. I feel like crying. Running away, but that hand that holds my shoulder keeps me from running away from my worst nightmares.

- Elisabeth asked me to drive you to the party.

I feel angry. Not just for Richard ruining my wedding, but for him talking to Zoe. Because he is who he is. I enter the church very furious, walking in a hurry towards that man that I once loved, but now I just want to hit him right in the face, for everything he put me through one day.

He is posted in front of the altar. The same altar that minutes ago I swore eternal love to the man who is now my husband. Paulo is beside him, watching him. Richard has his hands clasped together, his eyes closed, the expression on his face tight. It sounds like prayer, but I don't mind interrupting your very spiritual moment. I'll be speaking right away.

- Really ask God to deliver you from what is surely to come if you insist on wanting to talk to Zoe.

He opens his eyes slowly, makes the sign of the cross, but doesn't seem embarrassed.

- Fine by me? – he says, glaring at me – Do you want me to start my prayers now, Elisabeth? Or only after talking to her?

I feel the acidity churn in my stomach and rise into my throat. I'm irritated, but for a moment I feel helpless.

-What do you intend, Richard? – I shout, even though I shouldn't – demand your paternal right? Don't you think it's a little late for that?

- All I ask is that you let me talk to her.

An almost suffocating lump forms in my throat and the next thing I know I'm crying again. Paulo approaches in silence, kisses me tenderly as if he knew that would calm me down. I breathe once, twice. I reformulate a whole discourse of a protective mother, abandoned one day, pregnant, but who took care of her daughter alone for all these years, doing her best so that she would never feel the lack of a father. I give him a piercing look and even open my mouth to throw at Richard everything he deserves to hear, but nothing comes out of me. Not a single syllable.

- I'm sorry – His back is turned, and I hear the regret in his voice – we can't rewrite the past, but I can still change the future.

I let out a low, inaccessible laugh at his confession. This is certainly not the same man who abandoned me twenty-three years ago. Richard, who got me pregnant, was a greedy boy, capable of going over anything and everyone to achieve his wildest goals. In fact, I never knew what he wanted for his life. He never told me about his dreams, his family, or his friends. But I only learned later that he wanted anything but to be a father.

- Nothing done – I say firmly – You can't fix things, let alone start acting like a father Zoe never knew who he was. No phone calls, no letters. You left her no memory that she should be proud of.

Richard gives me a pointed look. Suddenly, I see Zoe's gaze on him. I wonder what else besides that she must look like him. I never knew its true nature because I was too fascinated by its beauty to be exposed and shamelessly offered to anyone who wanted to take advantage of it. Richard was the Arthur of my day. All the girls wanted him, they groveled at his feet and I, naively, was one of them. I fell madly in love with that cocky kid, and soon I was easy prey in his fatal trap. He swore to me of love. Promised me eternal love. I believed in his words and surrendered. Our case lasted a few weeks. I got pregnant and he disappeared. Aunt Judith, who took care of me after my parents passed away, also left months before my dear Zoe was born. And I found myself alone, at nineteen, without a job, without a family, without anyone. I faced the world, the criticism, and I won. I took care of Zoe with everything I had left, my love. Not only that, but I got an excellent job at city hall. I worked full time. The mayor at the time allowed me to take her to work and that made my life a lot easier. But not everything was storms. I got good friends who helped me and slowly everything fell into place. If you ask me today how I got it, I can say without fear of being wrong that it was for Zoe. It was love for her that brought me here.

- I know it's hard for you to believe me, – Richard cleared his throat, turned pale, leaning against one of the pews in the church – but what I have to say to her is especially important, Elisabeth. Please don't deny me that.

For a moment I feel sorry for him, and I even believe his words, but then I go back to hating him all over again.

- Let Zoe decide that – I say looking for the last time, before turning my back and starting to walk towards the exit – But I very much doubt that she wants to exchange any words with you. Therefore, give up.

I'm now outside, feeling my heart thump hard against my chest. Paulo's hand affectionately hold my shoulder. Furthermore, I turn to him and collapse into his arms.

- He managed to ruin what was left of our special day – I'm sorry, with my body still glued to his – I hope he forgets this story and disappears from our lives once again.

- I wouldn't count on it – he says with a sigh as he kisses my forehead – the man seemed pretty determined to move on.

- That's what I do?

My irritation revisits again. I'm desperate.

- Let things take their course – I clench my teeth trying to control myself, with his comment – ​​I know how much this story hurts you, but you need to let Zoe make her own choices.

Paulo's hand squeezes mine. I try to keep my voice calm as I retort.

-Who knows what this man wants with us now. Good things certainly should not be.

- Honey, look – he says, pulling away and looking straight into my eyes – don't impose himself if Zoe decides to talk to him. Whatever this guy's intentions are, we'll soon find out.

I want to argue one more time. I stomp my foot and say no, blocking any approach from him, but I swallow my frustration and shut up. I forced myself to remain calm and forget about this whole mess for a moment. Now I'm a married woman, with a party awaiting us right now. I return to the bright side of my reality and a smile shine on my lips again. Now I'm the first lady of this city, and that already fascinates me.

- We need to go.

I hold her hand, and we walk to the car parked waiting for us. I get in the vehicle. Likewise, I exhale sharply into the chilly night air, and we are off leaving a big problem behind. Just for the rest of this night, she won't haunt me anymore.