Amphitryo, Asinaria, Aulularia, Bacchides, Captivi

enter Jupiter and Alcmena from the house.

Iup. Jup.

Bene vale, Alcumena, cura rem communem, quod facis;

500 atque inperce quaeso: menses iam tibi esse actos vides.

mihi necesse est ire hinc; verum quod erit natum tollito.

Good-bye and God bless you, my dear. Continue to look out for our common interests, and do be sure not to overdo: you are near your time now, you know. I am obliged to leave you-but don't expose the child.

Alc. Alc.

Quid istuc est, mi vir, negoti, quod tu tam subito domo abeas?

(plaintively) Why, my husband, what is it takes you away so suddenly?

Iup. Jup.

Edepol haud quod tui me neque domi distaedeat;

sed ubi summus imperator non adest ad exercitum,

citius quod non facto est usus fit quam quod facto est opus.

No weariness of you and home, I swear to that. But when the commander-in-chief is not with his army, things are much more liable to go wrong than right.

Mer. Mer.

Nimis hic scitust sycophanta, qui quidem meus sit pater.

observatote eum, quam blande muliori palpabitur.

(aside) Ah, he's a sly old dodger-does meD credit, my father does! Notice how suavely he'll smooth her down.

Alc. Alc.

Ecastor te experior quanti facias uxorem tuam.

(pouting) Oh yes, I'm learning how much you think of your wife.

Iup. Jup.

Satin habes, si feminarum nulla est quam aeque diligam?

(fondly) Isn't it enough that you're the dearest woman in the world to me? (embraces her)

Mer. Mer.

510 Edepol ne illa si istis rebus te sciat operam dare

ego faxim ted Amphitruonem esse malis, quam Iovem.

(aside) Now, now, sir! Just let the lady up yonder (pointing thumb heavenward) learn of your performances here, and I'll guarantee you'd rather be Amphitryon than Jove.

Alc. Alc.

Experiri istuc mavellem me quam mi memorarier.

prius abis quam lectus ubi cubuisti concaluit locus.

heri venisti media nocte, nunc abis. hocin placet?

Actions speak louder than words. Here you are leaving me before your place on the couch had time to get warm. You came last night at midnight, and now you are going. Does that seem right?

Mer. Mer.

Accedam atque hanc appellabo et subparasitabor patri.

numquam edepol quemquam mortalem credo ego uxorem suam

sic ecflictim amare, proinde ut hic te ecflictim deperit.

(aside) I'll go slip a word in and play henchman to my father. (to Alcmena, stepping up) Lord, ma'am, I don't believe there's a mortal man alive loves his own wife (glancing slyly at Jupiter) so madly as the mad way he dotes on you.

Iup. Jup.

Carnufex, non ego te novi? abin e conspectu meo?

quid tibi hanc curatio est rem, verbero, aut muttitio?

quon ego iam hoc scipione-

(angrily) You rascal, don't I know you? Out of my sight, will you! What business have you to interfere with this matter, or to breathe a word about it, you scamp? I'll take my cane this instant and-

Alc. Alc.

Ah noli.

(seizing his arm) Oh, please don't!

Iup. Jup.

520 Muttito modo.

You just breathe a word now!

Mer. Mer.

Nequiter paene expedivit prima parasitatio.

(aside dryly) The henchman's first try at henching pretty nearly came to grief.

Iup. Jup.

Verum quod tu dicis, mea uxor, non te mi irasci decet.

clanculum abii a legione: operam hanc subrupui tibi,

ex me primo ut prima scires, rem ut gessissem publicam.

ea tibi omnia enarravi. nisi te amarem plurimum,

non facerem.

But as to what you say, precious,-you oughtn't to be cross with me. It was on the sly that I left my troops: this is a stolen treat, stolen for your sake, so that your first news of how I served my country might come first from me. And now I have told you the whole story. I wouldn't have done such a thing, if I hadn't loved you with all my heart.

Mer. Mer.

Facitne ut dixi? timidam palpo percutit.

(aside) Doing as I said, eh? Stroking her down, patting her back, poor thing.

Iup. Jup.

Nunc, ne legio persentiscat, clam illuc redeundum est mihi,

ne me uxorem praevertisse dicant prae re publica.

Now I must slip back, so that my men may not get wind of this and say I put my wife ahead of the public welfare.

Alc. Alc.

Lacrimantem ex abitu concinnas tu tuam uxorem.

(tearfully) And make your own wife cry at your leaving her!

Iup. Jup.

Tace,

ne corrumpe oculos, redibo actutum.

(affectionately) Hush! Don't spoil your eyes: I shall be back soon.

Alc. Alc.

530 Id actutum diu est.

That "soon" is a long, long time.

Iup. Jup.

Non ego te hic lubens relinquo neque abeo abs te.

It's not that I like to leave you here and go away.

Alc. Alc.

Sentio,

nam qua nocte ad me venisti, eadem abis.

So I perceive-going away the same night you came to me! (clings to him)

Iup. Jup.

Cur me tenes?

tempus est: exire ex urbe prius quam lucescat volo.

nunc tibi hanc pateram, quae dono mi illi ob virtutem data est,

Pterela rex qui potitavit, quem ego mea occidi manu,

Alcumena, tibi condono.

Why do you hold me? It is time: I wish to get out of the city before daybreak. (producing a golden bowl) Here is the bowl they presented me for bravery on the field-the one King Pterelas used to drink from, whom I killed with my own hand-take it as a gift from me, Alcmena.

Alc. Alc.

Facis ut alias res soles.

ecastor condignum donum, qualest qui donum dedit.

(taking bowl eagerly) That is so like you! Oh, your gift just matches the giver!

Mer. Mer.

Immo sic: condignum donum, qualest cui dono datumst.

Oh no, not the giver-that gift matches the getter.

Iup. Jup.

Pergin autem? nonne ego possum, furcifer, te perdere?

(savagely) So? At it again? Is there no choking you off, you jailbird? No? (advances with upraised cane)

Alc. Alc.

540 Noli amabo, Amphitruo, irasci Sosiae causa mea.

(holding him back) Please, Amphitryon, don't be angry with Sosia on my account.

Iup. Jup.

Faciam ita ut vis.

(halting) Anything you please.

Mer. Mer.

Ex amore hic admodum quam saevos est.

(aside) Love has made an out-and-out savage of him.

Iup. Jup.

Numquid vis?

(kissing Alcmena and turning to go) Nothing else, then?

Alc. Alc.

Ut quom absim me ames, me tuam te absente tamen.

This,-even though I am not near you, love me still, your own true wife, absent or not.

Mer. Mer.

Eamus, Amphitruo. lucescit hoc iam.

Let's go, sir; it is getting light already.

Iup. Jup.

Abi prae, Sosia,

Iam ego sequar. numquid vis?

Go ahead, Sosia; I shall be with you in a moment.

[exit Mercury.

(kisses Alcmena again and turns to go) Nothing further?

Alc. Alc.

Etiam: ut actutum advenias.

Yes, yes-do come back soon.

Iup. Jup.

Licet,

prius tua opinione hic adero: bonum animum habe.

nunc te, nox, quae me mansisti, mitto uti cedas die,

ut mortalis inlucescat luce clara et candida.

atque quanto, nox, fuisti longior hac proxuma,

tanto brevior dies ut fiat faciam, ut aeque disparet.

550 sed dies e nocte accedat. ibo et Mercurium sequar.

Indeed I will: I shall be here sooner than you think. Come, come, cheer up! (embraces her and moves away)

[exit Alcmena into house, sadly.

Now, Night, who hast tarried for me, I dismiss thee: give place to Day, that he may shine upon mortals in radiance and splendour. And Night, since thou wert longer than the last, I shall make the day so much the shorter, that there may be fair adjustment. But let day issue forth from night. Now to follow after Mercury.

[exit Jupiter.

ACTVS II ACT II

(Half an hour has elapsed.)

enter Amphitryon followed by Sosia. slaves with baggage in rear.

Amph. Amph.

Age i tu secundum.

(to lagging Sosia) Here you! After me, come!

Sos. Sos.

Sequor, subsequor te.

Coming, sir! Right at your heels.

Amph. Amph.

Scelestissimum te arbitror.

It's my opinion you are a damned rascal.

Sos. Sos.

Nam quam ob rem?

(hurt) Oh sir, why?

Amph. Amph.

Quia id quod neque est neque fuit neque futurum est mihi praedicas.

(angrily) Because what you tell me is not so, never was so, never will be.

Sos. Sos.

Eccere, iam tuatim

facis tu, ut tuis nulla apud te fides sit.

See there now! Just like you-you can never trust your servants.

Amph. Amph.

Quid est? quo modo? iam quidem hercle ego tibi istam scelestam, scelus, linguam abscidam.

(misunderstanding) What? How is that? Well, by heaven now, I'll cut out that villainous tongue for you, you villain!

Sos. Sos.

Tuos sum,

proinde ut commodumst et lubet quidque facias

tamen quin loquar haec uti facta sunt hic,

560 numquam ullo modo me potes deterrere.

(stubbornly) I am yours, sir: so do anything that suits your convenience and taste. However, I shall tell everything just as it happened here, and you shall never frighten me out of that, never.

Amph. Amph.

Scelestissime, audes mihi praedicare id,

domi te esse nunc, qui hic ades?

You confounded rascal, do you dare tell me you are at home this very minute, when you are here with me?

Sos. Sos.

Vera dico.

It is a fact, sir.

Amph. Amph.

Malum quod tibi di dabunt, atque ego hodie

dabo.

A fact you shall soon suffer for-the gods will see to that, and so will I.

Sos. Sos.

Istuc tibist in manu, nam tuos sum.

That rests with you, sir: I am your man.

Amph. Amph.

Tun me, verbero, audes erum ludificari?

tunc id dicere audes, quod nemo umquam homo antehac

vidit nec potest fieri, tempore uno

homo idem duobus locis ut simul sit?

You dare make fun of me, scoundrel, your master? You dare tell me a thing no one ever saw before, an impossible thing-the same man in two places at one time?

Sos. Sos.

Profecto, ut loquor res ita est.

Really, sir, it is just as I say.

Amph. Amph.

Iuppiter te

perdat.

Jove's curse on you!

Sos. Sos.

570 Quid mali sum, ere, tua ex re promeritus?

What harm have I done you to be punished, sir?

Amph. Amph.

Rogasne, improbe, etiam qui ludos facis me?

Harm? You reprobate! Still making a joke of me, are you?

Sos. Sos.

Merito maledicas mihi, si id ita factum est.16

verum haud mentior, resque uti facta dico.

You would have a right to call me names, if that was so. But I am not lying, sir: it happened just as I say.

Amph. Amph.

Homo hic ebrius est, ut opinor.

The man is drunk, I do believe.

Sos. Sos.

Utinam ita essem.

(heartily) Wish I was!

Amph. Amph.

575 Optas quae facta.

(dryly) Your wish is already gratified.

Sos. Sos.

Egone?

Is it?

Amph. Amph.

Tu istic. ubi bibisti?

It is. Where did you get drink?

Sos. Sos.

Nusquam equidem bibi.

I did not, not I, nowhere.

Amph. Amph.

Quid hoc sit

hominis?

(despairingly) What am I to make of the fellow?

Sos. Sos.

576 Equidem decies dixi:

577 domi ego sum, inquam, ecquid audis?

et apud te adsum Sosia idem.

578 satin hoc plane, satin diserte,

ere, nunc videor

tibi locutus esse?

I have told you how it is ten times over: I am at home, I say. Do you hear that? Yes, and I am here with you, the same Sosia. There sir, do you think that is putting it plainly enough, lucidly enough for you?

Amph. Amph.

579 Vah,

apage te a me.

(shoving him aside) Bah! Get away with you.

Sos. Sos.

580 Quid est negoti?

What is the matter?

Amph. Amph.

Pestis te tenet.

You have the plague.

Sos. Sos.

Nam quor istuc

dicis? equidem valeo el salvos

sum recte, Amphitruo.

Why, what do you say that for? Really, sir, I feel well, I am all right.

Amph. Amph.

583 At te ego faciam

hodie proinde ac meritus es,

584a ut minus valeas et miser sis,

584b salvos domum si rediero: iam

585a sequere sis, erum qui ludificas

585b dictis delirantibus,

But I shall soon see you get your deserts: you will not feel so well, you will be wretched enough, once I get back home all right. Be so good as to follow me, you that make a butt of your master with your idiotic drivel.

qui quoniam erus quod imperavit neglexisti persequi,

nunc venis etiam ultro inrisum dominum: quae neque fieri

possunt neque fando umquam accepit quisquam profers, carnifex;

quoius ego hodie in tergum faxo ista expetant mendacia.

Seeing you neglected to carry out your master's orders, you now have the effrontery to come and laugh at him, to boot,-with your tales of what can never happen, what no man ever heard of, you rapscallion. By heaven, those lies of yours shall fall on your own back, I promise you!

Sos. Sos.

590 Amphitruo, miserrima istaec miseria est servo bono,

apud erum qui vera loquitur, si id vi verum vincitur.

(plaintively) It is hard, sir, horribly hard, on a good servant that tells his master plain facts to have his facts confuted by a flogging.

Amph. Amph.

Quo id, malum, pacto potest nam-mecum argumentis puta-

fieri, nunc uti tu et hic sis et domi? id dici volo.

Curse it! How in the world is it possible-argue it out with me-for you to be here now, and at home, too? Tell me that, will you?

Sos. Sos.

Sum profecto et hic et illic. hoc cuivis mirari licet,

neque tibi istuc mirum17 magis videtur quam mihi.

I am here and I am there, I positively am. I don't care who wonders at it: it is no more wonderful to you than it is to me, sir.

Amph. Amph.

Quo modo?

How is that?

Sos. Sos.

Nihilo, inquam, mirum magis tibi istuc quam mihi;

neque, ita me di ament, credebam primo mihimet Sosiae,

donec Sosia illic egomet fecit sibi uti crederem.

ordine omne, uti quicque actum est, dum apud hostis sedimus,

600 edissertavit. tum formam una abstulit cum nomine.

neque lac lactis magis est simile quam ille ego similest mei.

nam ut dudum ante lucem a portu me praemisisti domum-

I say it is not a bit more wonderful to you than to me. So help me heaven, I didn't believe my own self, Sosia, at first, not till that other Sosia, myself, made me believe him. He reeled off every thing just as it happened while we were on the field there with the enemy; and besides, he had stolen my looks along with my name. One drop of milk is no more like another than that I is like me. Why, when you sent me ahead home from the harbour before dawn a while ago-

Amph. Amph.

Quid igitur?

What then?

Sos. Sos.

Prius multo ante aedis stabam quam illo adveneram.

I was standing in front of the house long before I got there.

Amph. Amph.

Quas, malum, nugas? satin tu sanus es?

What confounded rubbish! Are you actually in your senses?

Sos. Sos.

Sic sum ut vides.

You can see for yourself I am.

Amph. Amph.

Huic homini nescio quid est mali mala obiectum manu,

postquam a me abiit.

The fellow is bewitched somehow: the evil hand has been laid on him since he left me.

Sos. Sos.

Fateor, nam sum obtusus pugnis pessume.

Right you are! Evil? The way I got beaten to jelly was damned evil.

Amph. Amph.

Quis te verberavit?

Who was it beat you?

Sos. Sos.

Egomet memet, qui nunc sum domi.

I beat myself-the I that is at home now.

Amph. Amph.

Cave quicquam, nisi quod rogabo te, mihi responderis.

omnium primum iste qui sit Sosia, hoc dici volo.

Mind now, not a word but what I ask you. In the first place, I wish to be informed who that Sosia is.

Sos. Sos.

Tuos est servos.

Your own slave.

Amph. Amph.

610 Mihi quidem uno te plus etiam est quam volo,

neque postquam sum natus habui nisi te servom Sosiam.

As a matter of fact, I have one too many in you already, and never in my life did I own a slave named Sosia except yourself.

Sos. Sos.

At ego nunc, Amphitruo, dico: Sosiam servom tuom

praeter me alterum, inquam, adveniens faciam ut offendas domi,

Davo prognatum patre eodem quo ego sum, forma, aetate item

qua ego sum. quid opust verbis? geminus Sosia hic factust tibi.

Well sir, you mark my words now: I warrant you you will come upon a second servant Sosia of yours besides me when you reach home, yes sir, one whose father was Davus the same as mine, and who is just like me and just my age, too. Enough said, sir. Sosia has twinned here for you.

Amph. Amph.

Nimia memoras mira. sed vidistin uxorem meam?

(impressed) Strange, very strange indeed! But did you see my wife?

Sos. Sos.

Quin intro ire in aedis numquam licitum est.

Why, sir, never a foot was I allowed to put in the house.

Amph. Amph.

Quis te prohibuit?

Who hindered you?

Sos. Sos.

Sosia ille, quem iam dudum dico, is qui me contudit.

That Sosia I have been telling of all along, the one that smashed me up.

Amph. Amph.

Quis istic Sosia est?

Who is that Sosia?

Amph. Amph.

Ego, inquam. quotiens dicendum est tibi?

I am, I say. How many times do you need to be told?

Amph. Amph.

Sed quid ais? num obdormivisti dudum?

(reflecting) But look here, you were not asleep a while ago, were you?

Sos. Sos.

620 Nusquam gentium.

Not a bit of it, sir.

Amph. Amph.

Ibi forte istum si vidisses quendam in somnis Sosiam-

Then perhaps, if you had seen that, well, that Sosia of yours in your dreams-

Sos. Sos.

Non soleo ego somniculose eri imperia persequi.

vigilans vidi, vigilans nunc te video, vigilans fabulor,

vigilantem ille me iam dudum vigilans pugnis contudit.

I don't do my master's orders drowsily. Wide awake I was, eyes open; I am wide awake with 'em open on you now; I am wide awake telling my story; and I was wide awake when he hammered me a while back, yes, and (ruefully) he was wide awake.

Amph. Amph.

Quis homo?

Who?

Sos. Sos.

Sosia, inquam, ego ille. quaeso, nonne intellegis?

Sosia, I tell you, that me. Pray do not you understand?

Amph. Amph.

Qui, malum, intellegere quisquam potis est? ita nugas blatis.

How the devil can any man understand? Such stuff and nonsense!

Sos. Sos.

Verum actutum nosces, quom illum nosces servom Sosiam.

(significantly) Well, you will know what I mean very soon, once you know that servant Sosia.

Amph. Amph.

Sequere hac igitur me, nam mi istuc primum exquisito est opus.18 (628)

(going toward house) Come then, this way. This matter needs my investigation first of all. (stops to examine house from distance and talks with Sosia)

enter Alcmena into doorway.

Alc. Alc.

633 Satin parva res est voluptatum in vita atque in aetate agunda

praequam quod molestum est? ita cuique comparatum est in aetate hominum;

ita divis est placitum, voluptatem ut maeror comes consequatur:

quin incommodi plus malique ilico adsit, boni si optigit quid.

Oh, are not the pleasures in life, in this daily round, trifling compared with the pains! It is our common human lot, it is heaven's will, for sorrow to come following after joy: yes, yes, and to have a larger share of trouble and distress the moment something nice has happened.

nam ego id nunc experior domo atque ipsa de me scio, cui voluptas

parumper datast, dum viri mei mihi potestas videndi fuit

noctem unam modo; atque is repente abiit a me hinc ante lucem.

sola hic mihi nunc videor, quia ille hinc abest quem ego amo praeter omnes. 640

plus aegri ex abitu viri, quam ex adventu voluptatis cepi.

Ah, I am learning this now at first hand, learning it of my own experience-a few short hours of happiness, allowed to see my husband for just one night; and then away he goes all of a sudden before daylight! It does seem so lonely here now, when the one I love best is gone. I have felt more unhappy at his going than happy at his coming.

sed hoc me beat

saltem, quom perduellis vicit et domum laudis compos revenit:

id solacio est.

absit, dum modo laude parta

domum recipiat se; feram et perferam usque

abitum eius animo forti atque offirmato, id modo si mercedis

datur mi, ut meus victor vir belli clueat.

satis mi esse ducam.

virtus praemium est optimum;

virtus omnibus rebus anteit profecto:

650 libertas salus vita res et parentes, patria et prognati

tutantur, servantur:

virtus omnia in sese habet, omnia adsunt

bona quem penest virtus

But there is thus much to be thankful for, at least: he has been victorious and come home a hero-that is one comfort. He may leave me, if only he returns to me with a glorious name: I will bear his going, yes, and keep on bearing it to the end firmly and unflinchingly, only let me have the reward of hearing my husband hailed conqueror. That is enough for me! Courage is the very best gift of all; courage stands before everything, it does, it does! It is what maintains and preserves our liberty, safety, life, and our homes and parents, our country and children. Courage comprises all things: a man with courage has every blessing.

Amph. Amph.

Edepol me uxori exoptatum credo adventurum domum,

quae me amat, quam contra amo, praesertim re gesta bene,

victis hostibus. quos nemo posse superari ratust,

eos auspicio meo atque ductu primo coetu vicimus

certe enim med illi expectatum optato venturum scio.

By Jove, my wife will certainly be delighted to have me home-loving each other as we do! Especially now that we have been successful, and the enemy, that every one thought invincible, beaten, beaten at the first set-to under my auspices and leadership. Ah yes, my arrival will surely be a very welcome event to her.

Sos. Sos.

Quid? me non rere expectatum amicae venturum meae?

What? And don't you think mine is going to be welcome to my lady friend?

Alc. Alc.

Meus vir hic quidem est.

(seeing them) Why, here is my husband!

Amph. Amph.

Sequere hac tu me.

(to Sosia) Here you, this way! (goes on toward house)

Alc. Alc.

660 Nam quid ille revortitur,

qui dudum properare se aibat? an ille me temptat sciens

atque id se volt experiri, suom abitum ut desiderem?

ecastor med haud invita se domum recipit suam.

(aside) What in the world is he back for so soon after saying he must hurry off! Is he trying me on purpose, does he want to test how much I miss him when he goes? Bless his heart, I have no objection to his coming home again!

Sos. Sos.

Amphitruo, redire ad navem meliust nos.

(seeing her) We had better make for the ship once more, sir.

Amph. Amph.

Qua gratia?

Why?

Sos. Sos.

Quia domi daturus nemo est prandium advenientibus

No one at home is going to give the new arrivals a breakfast, that is why.

Amph. Amph.

Qui tibi nunc istuc in mentemst?

And how does that thought happen to occur to you?

Sos. Sos.

Quia enim sero advenimus.

Because we've come too late.

Amph. Amph.

Qui?

How so?

Sos. Sos.

Quia Alcumenam ante aedis stare saturam intellego.

(pointing) Well, there's mistress in front of the house, and she has a sort of well-fed look about her.

Amph. Amph.

Gravidam ego illanc hic reliqui, quom abeo.

I had hopes when I went away, Sosia, of being made a father.

Sos. Sos.

Ei perii miser.

Heaven help me!

Amph. Amph.

Quid tibi est?

What is the matter?

Sos. Sos.

Ad aquam praebendam commodum adveni domum,

670 decumo post mense, ut rationem te putare intellego

(disgustedly) I have got home exactly in time to draw the water: it is the tenth month since, according as I follow your reckoning.

Amph. Amph.

Bono animo es.

(laughing) Cheer up, cheer up!

Sos. Sos.

Scin quam bono animo sim? si situlam cepero,

numquam edepol tu mihi divini creduis post hunc diem,

ni ego illi puteo, si occepso, animam omnem inter traxero.

Know how cheerful I am, do you, sir? Let me get hold of a bucket, and by gad, don't ever trust my sacred oath again, if I do not drain that well of its last breath, once I begin.

Amph. Amph.

Sequere hac me modo, alium ego isti rei allegabo, ne time.

Come now, this way with me. (moves toward house again) I will appoint some one else to that office, never fear.

Alc. Alc.

Magis nunc me meum officium facere, si huic eam advorsum, arbitror.

(aside) I suppose it would be more duteous of me to go to meet him. (advances slowly)

Amph. Amph.

Amphitruo uxorem salutat laetus speratam suam,

quam omnium Thebis vir unam esse optimam diiudicat,

quamque adeo cives Thebani vero rumiferant probam.

valuistin usque? exspectatum advenio?

(with playful courtliness) Gladly does Amphitryon greet his darling wife, whom her husband judges to be the one best lady in all Thebes; yea, and justly do the citizens of Thebes bruit her virtue. (earnestly) Have you been well all this time? Are you glad to see me?

Sos. Sos.

Haud vidi magis.

680 exspectatum eum salutat magis haud quicquam quam canem.

(aside) Glad? None more so! Welcomes him about as warmly as she would a dog!

Amph. Amph.

Et quom te19 gravidam et quom te pulchre plenam aspicio, gaudeo.

Ah, it is splendid to see your condition, dear, and to see you getting on so finely.

Alc. Alc.

Obsecro ecastor, quid tu me deridiculi gratia

sic salutas atque appellas, quasi dudum non videris

quasique nunc primum recipias te domum huc ex hostibus?20 (684)

Good gracious! Why are you making fun of me with all these greetings and salutations, as if you had not seen me a little while ago and were just this moment back from the war?

Amph. Amph.

(686) Immo equidem te nisi nunc hodie nusquam vidi gentium.

(surprised) Why, why, but I have not seen you-no, nowhere at all except this very instant.

Alc. Alc.

Cur negas?

What makes you deny it?

Amph. Amph.

Quia vera didici dicere.

Because I have learned to tell the truth.

Alc. Alc.

Haud aequom facit

qui quod didicit id dediscit. an periclitamini

quid animi habeam? sed quid huc vos revortimini tam cito?

690 an te auspicium commoratum est an tempestas continet

qui non abiisti ad legiones, ita uti dudum dixeras?

It is not a good plan to learn a thing and then unlearn it. Or is this a test of my feelings? But why are you returning so quickly? Were you delayed by bad omens, or is it the weather detains you, that you have not gone away to the army, as you spoke of doing a little while ago?

Amph. Amph.

Dudum? quam dudum istuc factum est?

A little while ago? How little a while ago was that?

Alc. Alc.

Temptas. iam dudum, modo.

Tease! Oh, quite a little while ago-just now.

Amph. Amph.

Qui istuc potis est fieri, quaeso, ut dicis: iam dudum, modo?

For heaven's sake, how can those statements agree-"quite a little while ago" and "just now"?

Alc. Alc.

Quid enim censes? te ut deludam contra lusorem meum,

qui nunc primum te advenisse dicas, modo qui hinc abieris.

Well, how do you suppose? I am merely trying to make game of you for a change, after your making game of me by saying this is your first appearance here, when you just now left us.

Amph. Amph.

Haec quidem deliramenta loquitur.

(to Sosia) Upon my soul, she is raving!

Sos. Sos.

Paulisper mane,

dum edormiscat unum somnum.

Wait a while till she has slept out just one sleep.

Amph. Amph.

Quaene vigilans somniat?

What, awake and dreaming?

Alc. Alc.

Equidem ecastor vigilo, et vigilans id quod factum est fabulor.

nam dudum ante lucem et istunc et te vidi.

(indignantly) To be sure I am awake, and awake as I relate what happened. Why, just a little while ago before dawn I saw that man and you, both.

Amph. Amph.

Quo in loco?

Where was this?

Alc. Alc.

Hic in aedibus ubi tu habitas.

Here in your very own house, sir.

Amph. Amph.

Numquam factum est.

Impossible!

Sos. Sos.

700 Non taces?

quid si e portu navis huc nos dormientis detulit?

Hush, sir, hush! What if the ship carried us here from the harbour in our sleep?

Amph. Amph.

Etiam tu quoque adsentaris huic?

Ha! you are siding with her too, are you?

Sos. Sos.

Quid vis fieri?

non tu scis? Bacchae bacchanti si velis advorsarier,

ex insana insaniorem facies, feriet saepius;

si obsequare, una resolvas plaga.

(wisely) Well, what do you want? Don't you understand? You but cross a Bacchante when the Bacchic frenzy fills her, and you'll make the crazy thing crazier still and she'll hit you all the more: humour her, and she'll call it quits after one blow.

Amph. Amph.

At pol qui certa res

hanc est obiurgare, quae me hodie advenientem domum

noluerit salutare.

Humour her? By the Lord, it will be bad humour, that's sure,-arriving home to-day and she unwilling to give me a decent welcome!

Sos. Sos.

Inritabis crabrones.

You'll be poking up a hornet's nest.

Amph. Amph.

Tace.

Alcumena, unum rogare te volo.

Silence! (to Alcmena, sternly) Alcmena, there is something I wish to ask you.

Alc. Alc.

Quid vis roga.

Anything you please.

Amph. Amph.

Num tibi aut stultitia accessit aut superat superbia?

Are you obsessed by some foolish notion, or is this pride running away with you?

Alc. Alc.

710 Qui istuc in mentemst tibi ex me, mi vir, percontarier?

What makes it enter your head to ask me such a question, my husband?

Amph. Amph.

Quia salutare advenientem me solebas antidhac,

appellare, itidem ut pudicae suos viros quae sunt solent.

eo more expertem te factam adveniens offendi domi.

Because till to-day you used to welcome me on my arrival and greet me as modest wives generally do their husbands. Yet here I come home to find you have dropped the habit.

Alc. Alc.

Ecastor equidem te certo heri advenientem ilico,

et salutavi et valuissesne usque exquisivi simul,

mi vir, et manum prehendi et osculum tetuli tibi.

Why mercy me, when you came home yesterday I certainly did welcome you the moment you appeared, and asked you in the same breath if you had been well all the time, and seized your hand and gave you a kiss.

Sos. Sos.

Tun heri hunc salutavisti?

Welcomed him yesterday, did you?

Alc. Alc.

Et te quoque etiam, Sosia.

Yes, and you, too, Sosia.

Sos. Sos.

Amphitruo, speravi ego istam tibi parituram filium;

verum non est puero gravida.

Sir, I hoped she was going to bear you a son; but it's no child she's got.

Amph. Amph.

Quid igitur?

What, then?

Sos. Sos.

Insania.

A crazy streak.

Alc. Alc.

720 Equidem sana sum et deos quaeso, ut salva pariam filium.

verum tu malum magnum habebis, si his suom officium facit:

ob istuc omen, ominator, capies quod te condecet.

(angrily) Indeed I have not, and I pray heaven I may safely bear a son. But you, sir, shall have an ample supply of aches and pains, if your master here does his duty! You shall be well rewarded for that omen, Sir Omener.

Sos. Sos.

Enim vero praegnati oportet et malum et malum dari,

ut quod obrodat sit, animo si male esse occeperit.

Really now, ma'am, it's a lady in your condition ought to have aches and pains, yes, and an apple supply, too, so as to have something to chew on in case she gets to feeling seedy.

Amph. Amph.

Tu me heri hic vidisti?

You saw me here yesterday?

Alc. Alc.

Ego, inquam, si vis decies dicere.

Yes, I,-if you must be told ten times over.

Amph. Amph.

In somnis fortasse?

In your sleep, perhaps?

Alc. Alc.

Immo vigilans vigilantem.

No, no, awake,-and you were awake, too.

Amph. Amph.

Ei misero mihi.

Oh, this is terrible, terrible!

Sos. Sos.

Quid tibi est?

What ails you?

Amph. Amph.

Delirat uxor.

Sos. Sos.

Atra bili percita est.

nulla res tam delirantis homines concinnat cito.

Bilious attack, sir, black bile. There's nothing sets 'em raving so soon.

Amph. Amph.

Ubi primum tibi sensisti, mulier, impliciscier?

When did you first feel it coming on, woman?

Alc. Alc.

Equidem ecastor sana et salva sum.

Goodness me! I'm perfectly sane and sound.

Amph. Amph.

730 Quor igitur praedicas,

te heri me vidisse, qui hac noctu in portum advecti sumus?

ibi cenavi atque ibi quievi in navi noctem perpetem,

neque meum pedem huc intuli etiam in aedis, ut cum exercitu

hinc profectus sum ad Teloboas hostis eosque ut vicimus.

Then why are you declaring you saw me yesterday, when we reached port last night? I took dinner there and spent the whole livelong night there on board my ship, and I have not set foot in this house from the time I and my troops started on our campaign against the Teloboians and conquered them.

Alc. Alc.

Immo mecum cenavisti et mecum cubuisti.

The idea! You had dinner with me and went to bed with me.

Amph. Amph.

Quid est?

What?

Alc. Alc.

Vera dico.

I tell you the truth, sir.

Amph. Amph.

Non de hac quidem hercle re; de aliis nescio.

Good God! Not in that, anyhow: about other matters I can't say.

Alc. Alc.

Primulo diluculo abiisti ad legiones.

And at the very break of day you went away to the army.

Amph. Amph.

Quo modo?

How's that?

Sos. Sos.

Recte dicit, ut commeminit: somnium narrat tibi.

sed, mulier, postquam experrecta es, te prodigiali Iovi

740 aut mola salsa hodie aut ture comprecatam oportuit.

Quite straight, sir, as far as her memory goes: she's giving you her dream. But I say, ma'am, this morning after you woke up you ought to have taken some salted cakes, or incense, and prayed to Jove-he has charge of prodigies.

Alc. Alc.

Vae capiti tuo.

Oh confound you, sir!

Sos. Sos.

Tua istuc refert-si curaveris.

(innocently) That would do you good, ma'am-if you would see to it.

Alc. Alc.

Iterum iam hic in me inclementer dicit, atque id sine malo.

There he is, rude to me again, and not suffering for it!

Amph. Amph.

Tace tu. tu dic: egone abs te abii hinc hodie cum diluculo?

(to Sosia) Keep still, you! (to Alcmena) And you-I left you this morning at daybreak, did I?

Alc. Alc.

Quis igitur nisi vos narravit mi, illi ut fuerit proelium?

Why, who else but you two told me how the battle there went?

Amph. Amph.

An etiam id tu scis?

You don't mean to say you know about that?

Alc. Alc.

Quippe qui ex te audivi, ut urbem maximam

expugnavisses regemque Pterelam tute occideris.

Naturally, since I heard from your own lips how you took that great city and killed King Pterelas yourself.

Amph. Amph.

Egone istuc dixi?

I told you that, I?

Alc. Alc.

Tute istic, etiam adstante hoc Sosia.

Yes, you yourself,-with Sosia here standing by, too.

Amph. Amph.

Audivistin tu me narrare haec hodie?

(to Sosia) Have you ever heard me say a word of this?

Sos. Sos.

Ubi ego audiverim?

Heard you? Where?

Amph. Amph.

Hanc roga.

(sullenly) Ask her.

Sos. Sos.

Me quidem praesente numquam factum est, quod sciam.

You never did so far as I know, leastways with me at hand.

Alc. Alc.

Mirum quin te adversus dicat.

(ironically) It is strange he declines to contradict his own master.

Amph. Amph.

750 Sosia, age me huc aspice.

Sosia, here! Look me in the eye.

Sos. Sos.

Specto.

(obeying) Very good, sir.

Amph. Amph.

Vera volo loqui te, nolo adsentari mihi.

audivistin tu hodie me illi dicere ea quae illa autumat?

What I want from you is the truth, no obsequiousness. Did you ever hear me utter a syllable of what she says?

Sos. Sos.

Quaeso edepol, num tu quoque etiam insanis, quom id me interrogas,

qui ipsus equidem nunc primum istanc tecum conspicio simul?

Well, upon my word, I should like to ask if you are not crazy yourself, asking me a question like that-and I just this minute setting eyes on her for the first time along with you?

Amph. Amph.

Quid nunc, mulier? audin illum?

What now, madam? Do you hear him?

Alc. Alc.

Ego vero, ac falsum dicere.

To be sure I do-telling lies.

Amph. Amph.

Neque tu illi neque mihi viro ipsi credis?

You won't believe him, or me, your own husband, either?

Alc. Alc.

Eo fit quia mihi

plurimum credo et scio istaec facta proinde ut proloquor.

That is only because I believe myself most of all, and I know everything occurred just as I tell you.

Amph. Amph.

Tun me heri advenisse dicis?

And you say that I arrived yesterday?

Alc. Alc.

Tun te abiisse hodie hinc negas?

And you deny that you left to-day?

Amph. Amph.

Nego enim vero, et me advenire nunc primum aio ad te domum.

Deny it? Of course I do. And I say I'm just now coming home to you for the first time.

Alc. Alc.

760 Obsecro, etiamne hoc negabis, te auream pateram mihi

dedisse dono hodie, qua te illi donatum esse dixeras?

And will you deny this, too, pray,-that you gave me the golden bowl to-day that was presented to you there, as you said?

Amph. Amph.

Neque edepol dedi neque dixi; verum ita animatus fui

itaque nunc sum, ut ea te patera donem. sed quis istuc tibi dixit?

By heaven! I neither gave it nor said it. But I did intend to make you a gift of that bowl, and do still. Who told you of that, though?

Alc. Alc.

Ego equidem ex te audivi et ex tua accepi manu pateram.

Why, I heard about it from your own lips and received the bowl from your own hand.

Amph. Amph.

Mane, mane, obsecro te. nimis demiror, Sosia,

qui illaec illic me donatum esse aurea patera sciat,

nisi tu dudum hanc convenisti et narravisti haec omnia.

One moment, please, one moment! (turning to Sosia) It is very extraordinary. Sosia, how she knows I was presented with a golden bowl there, unless you met her a while ago yourself and told her the whole story.

Sos. Sos.

Neque edepol ego dixi neque istam vidi nisi tecum simul.

By gad, sir, I never told her, no, nor saw her, except here with you.

Amph. Amph.

Quid hoc sit hominis?

(helplessly) What sort of a creature have I got here?

Alc. Alc.

Vin proferri pateram?

Would you like to have the bowl brought?

Amph. Amph.

Proferri volo.

Indeed I should.

Alc. Alc.

770 Fiat heus tu, Thessala, intus pateram proferto foras,

qua hodie meus vir donavit me.

Very well. (calling to maid within) Ho, there! Thessala, bring out the bowl my husband gave me to day.

Amph. Amph.

Secede huc tu, Sosia,

enim vero illud praeter alia mira miror maxime,

si haec habet pateram illam.

Sosia! Come over here. (they withdraw somewhat) Upon my soul, it will be the most astounding of all these astounding circumstances, if she has that.

Sos. Sos.

An etiam credis id, quae in hac cistellula

tuo signo obsignata fertur?

Do you really believe that, sir, when I've got it in this little chest here, sealed with your own signet?

Amph. Amph.

Salvom signum est?

Is the seal intact?

Sos. Sos.

Inspice.

(showing chest) Look and see.

Amph. Amph.

Recte, ita est ut obsignavi.

(doing so) It is all right-just as I sealed it.

Sos. Sos.

Quaeso, quin tu istanc iubes

pro cerrita circumferri?

For heaven's sake, why don't you have her treated for lunacy?

Amph. Amph.

Edepol qui facto est opus;

nam haec quidem edepol larvarum plenast.

By Jove, so I should! Why, bless my soul, she's full of evil spirits!

enter Thessala with bowl.

Alc. Alc.

Quid verbis opust?

em tibi pateram, eccam.

Are you satisfied, sir? There! Your bowl, see!

Amph. Amph.

Cedo mi.

(dumbfounded) Give it here!

Alc. Alc.

Age aspice huc sis nunciam

tu qui quae facta infitiare, quem ego iam hic convincam palam

estne haec patera qua donatu's illi?

Come now, be so good as to look at it, you that do a thing and then disown it. I shall refute you plainly, sir, here and now. Is this the bowl which they presented to you there, or not?

Amph. Amph.

Summe Iuppiter,

quid ego video? haec ea est profecto patera. perii, Sosia.

(taking it) Jove almighty! What do I see? The selfsame bowl, it is, it is! This is frightful, Sosia!

Sos. Sos.

Aut pol haec praestigiatrix multo mulier maxima est

aut pateram hic inesse oportet.

By gad, she's either the greatest enchantress alive, easily, or the bowl must be inside here. (pointing to chest)

Amph. Amph.

Agedum, exsolve cistulam.

Come, come, unfasten the chest!

Sos. Sos.

Quid ego istam exsolvam? obsignatast recte, res gesta est bene:

tu peperisti Amphitruonem, ego alium peperi Sosiam;

nunc si patera pateram peperit, omnes congeminavimus.

Unfasten it? Why? It's sealed all right, everything is shipshape. You have spawned another Amphitryon; I have spawned another Sosia; now if the bowl has spawned another bowl, we've all doubled.

Amph. Amph.

Certum est aperire atque inspicere.

I'm resolved: it must be opened and inspected.

Sos. Sos.

Vide sis signi quid siet,

ne posterius in me culpam conferas.

You please take a look at the seal, sir, so that you won't blame me later.

Amph. Amph.

Aperi modo;

nam haec quidem nos delirantis facere dictis postulat.

(looking) Yes, yes, open up! Why, the woman is bent on driving us mad with her talk.

Alc. Alc.

Unde haec igitur est nisi abs te quae mihi dono data est?

Where did this come from, then, if not as a present from you?

Amph. Amph.

Opus mi est istuc exquisito.

(curtly) This matter needs my investigation.

Sos. Sos.

Iuppiter, pro Iuppiter.

(busy with chest) By Jove! Oh, by Jove!

Amph. Amph.

Quid tibi est?

(excited) What is it?

Sos. Sos.

Hic patera nulla in cistulast.

There's no bowl in the chest here at all!

Amph. Amph.

Quid ego audio?

What's that you say?

Sos. Sos.

Id quod verumst.

It's the honest truth.

Amph. Amph.

At cum cruciatu iam, nisi apparet, tuo.

But your skin shall soon pay for it, if it's not forthcoming.

Alc. Alc.

Haec quidem apparet.

This one is forthcoming, at any rate.

Amph. Amph.

Quis igitur tibi dedit?

(roughly) Who gave it you, then?

Alc. Alc.

Qui me rogat.

(calmly) My questioner.

Sos. Sos.

Me captas, quia tute ab navi clanculum huc alia via

praecucurristi, atque hinc pateram tute exemisti atque eam

huic dedisti, post hanc rursum obsignasti clanculum.

(to Amphitryon) Trying to catch me! The fact is you ran on ahead from the ship yourself by another road on the sly, and took the bowl out yourself, and gave it to her, and then sealed up the chest again on the sly.

Amph. Amph.

Ei mihi, iam tu quoque huius adiuvas insaniam?

an heri nos advenisse huc?

Oh, ye gods! So now you are abetting her delusions, too! (to Alcmena, with forced calmness) We came here yesterday, you say?

Alc. Alc.

Aio, adveniensque ilico

800 me salutavisti, et ego te, et osculum tetuli tibi.

Yes, and the moment you arrived you greeted me, and I you, and I gave you a kiss.

Sos. Sos.

Iam illud non placet principium de osculo.

Now I don't like that, that beginning with a kiss!

Amph. Amph.

Perge exsequi.

Go on, go on!

Alc. Alc.

Lavisti.

Then you bathed.

Amph. Amph.

Quid postquam lavi?

And after bathing?

Alc. Alc.

Accubuisti.

You took your place on the dining couch.

Sos. Sos.

Euge optime,

nunc exquire.

Bravo, sir! Great work! Now get to the bottom of it.

Amph. Amph.

Ne interpella. perge porro dicere.

(to Sosia) No interruptions! (to Alcmena) Go on with your story.

Alc. Alc.

Cena adposita est, cenavisti mecum, ego accubui simul.

Dinner was served: we dined together: I took my place on the couch, too.

Amph. Amph.

In eodem lecto?

The same couch?

Alc. Alc.

In eodem.

Surely.

Sos. Sos.

Ei, non placet convivium.

Oho! This banqueting looks bad!

Amph. Amph.

Sine modo argumenta dicat. quid postquam cenavimus?

(to Sosia) That will do. Let her state her case. (to Alcmena) What after we dined?

Alc. Alc.

Te dormitare aibas, mensa ablata est. cubitum hinc abiimus.

You said you were sleepy: the table was removed: we went off to bed.

Amph. Amph.

Ubi tu cubuisti?

Where did you sleep?

Alc. Alc.

In eodem lecto tecum una in cubiculo.

Why, with you, in our room.

Amph. Amph.

Perdidisti.

Oh, my God!

Sos. Sos.

Quid tibi est?

What ails you?

Amph. Amph.

Haec me modo ad mortem dedit.

She has killed me, killed me!

Alc. Alc.

Quid iam, amabo?

Why, my dear man, what do you mean?

Amph. Amph.

Ne me appella.

(furiously) Don't speak to me!

Sos. Sos.

Quid tibi est?

What ails you?

Amph. Amph.

810 Perii miser,

quia pudicitiae huius vitium me hinc absente est additum.

Oh, God help me! She's been seduced while I was gone!

Alc. Alc.

Obsecro ecastor, cur istuc, mi vir, ex ted audio?

Good heavens! For mercy's sake how can you say such a thing, my dear husband?

Amph. Amph.

Vir ego tuos sim? ne me appella, falsa, falso nomine.

Am I your husband? Oh, you false wretch, none of your false names for me!

Sos. Sos.

Haeret haec res, si quidem haec iam mulier facta est ex viro.

Here's a pretty mess, if he is turned into a woman and is not her husband!

Alc. Alc.

Quid ego feci, qua istaec propter dicta dicantur mihi?

What have I done to be talked to like that?

Amph. Amph.

Tute edictas facta tua, ex me quaeris quid deliqueris.

You have recounted your doings yourself-and you ask me what the harm is!

Alc. Alc.

Quid ego tibi deliqui, si, cum nupta sum, tecum fui?

Pray tell me what I have done in being with you, the man I married?

Amph. Amph.

Tun mecum fueris? quid illac impudente audacius?

saltem, tute si pudoris egeas, sumas mutuom.

You with me? Of all brazen shamelessness! You might at least borrow some sense of decency, if you have none of your own!

Alc. Alc.

820 Istuc facinus, quod tu insimulas, nostro generi non decet.

tu si me inpudicitiai captas, capere non potes.

Such behaviour as you accuse me of does not become members of my family, sir. Angle for me if you wish, you cannot catch me in such unspeakable conduct.

Amph. Amph.

Pro di immortales, cognoscin tu me saltem, Sosia?

Great God! You know me, anyhow, Sosia, don't you?

Sos. Sos.

Propemodum.

Well, rather!

Amph. Amph.

Cenavin ego heri in navi in portu Persico?

Didn't I dine yesterday on shipboard at Port Persicus?

Alc. Alc.

Mihi quoque adsunt testes, qui illud quod ego dicam adsentiant.

Yes, and I too have witnesses to corroborate what I say.

Sos. Sos.

Nescio quid istuc negoti dicam, nisi si quispiam est

Amphitruo alius, qui forte ted hinc absenti tamen

tuam rem curet teque absente hic munus fungatur tuom.

nam quod de illo subditivo Sosia mirum nimis,

certe de istoc Amphitruone iam alterum mirum est magis.

I can't puzzle it out, sir, unless there's some other Amphitryon to manage your business, no matter if you are away, and to do your job for you when you have gone. I tell you what, that sham Sosia was monstrous surprising, but this second Amphitryon is certainly more so.

Amph. Amph.

830 Nescio quis praestigiator hanc frustratur mulierem.

Some magician or other has bedevilled the woman!

Alc. Alc.

Per supremi regis regnum iuro et matrem familias

Iunonem, quam me vereri et metuere est par maxume,

ut mi extra unum te mortalis nemo corpus corpore

contigit, quo me impudicam faceret.

(slowly and impressively) I swear by the kingdom of the King on high and by Juno, the matron goddess I most should reverence and fear-so may she bless me as no mortal man, save you only, has taken me to him as a wife.

Amph. Amph.

Vera istaec velim.

Ah, I wish it was the truth!

Alc. Alc.

Vera dico, sed nequiquam, quoniam non vis credere.

It is the truth, but what of that, when you refuse to believe me!

Amph. Amph.

Mulier es, audacter iuras.

You're a woman; you swear boldly.

Alc. Alc.

Quae non deliquit, decet

audacem esse, confidenter pro se et proterve loqui.

A woman who has done nothing wrong ought to be bold, yes, and self confident and forward in her own defence.

Amph. Amph.

Satis audacter.

Bold, with a vengeance!

Alc. Alc.

Ut pudicam decet.

As innocence should be.

Amph. Amph.

Enim verbis proba's.21

Yes, you're immaculate as far as talk goes.

Alc. Alc.

Non ego illam mihi dotem duco esse, quae dos dicitur,

840 sed pudicitiam et pudorem et sedatum cupidinem,

deum metum, parentum amorem et cognatum concordiam,

tibi morigera atque ut munifica sim bonis, prosim probis.

(quietly) Personally I do not feel that my dowry is that which people call a dowry, but purity and honour and self control, fear of God, love of parents, and affection for my family, and being a dutiful wife to you, sir, lavish of loving-kindness and helpful through honest service.

Sos. Sos.

Ne ista edepol, si haec vera loquitur, examussim est optima.

My word! She's a regular pattern of perfection, if she's telling the truth.

Amph. Amph.

Delenitus sum profecto ita, ut me qui sim nesciam.

Upon my soul, I have been so bewitched I don't know who I am!

Sos. Sos.

Amphitruo es profecto, cave sis ne tu te usu perduis:

ita nunc homines immutantur, postquam peregre advenimus.

You're Amphitryon right enough, sir-but just look out you don't lose your title to yourself by limitation, the way folks are getting changed about these days since we came back from abroad.

Amph. Amph.

Mulier, istam rem inquisitam certum est non amittere.

(to Alcmena, sternly) This matter shall not escape investigation, madam, I am resolved on that.

Alc. Alc.

Edepol me libente facies.

Dear me, sir, do investigate, and welcome!

Amph. Amph.

Quid ais? responde mihi.

quid si adduco tuom cognatum huc ab navi Naucratem,

850 qui mecum una vectust una navi, atque is si denegat

facta quae tu facta dicis, quid tibi aequom est fieri?

numquid causam dicis, quin te hoc multem matrimionio?

See here, answer me this-what if I bring your own relative, Naucrates, over from the ship? He made the voyaage with me on the same vessel-now if he denies that I did as you say what do you deserve? Have you any reason to give that I should not divorce you?

Alc. Alc.

Si deliqui, nulla causa est.

None, if I have done wrong.

Amph. Amph.

Convenit. tu, Sosia,

duc hos intro. ego huc ab navi mecum adducam Naucratem.

Agreed! (turning to Sosia) Sosia, take these fellows in. (pointing to slaves with luggage) I will bring Naucrates here from the ship. (Sosia sends slaves inside)

[exit Amphitryon.

Sos. Sos.

Nunc quidem praeter nos nemo est. dic mihi verum serio:

ecquis alius Sosia intust, qui mei similis siet?

(to Alcmena, confidentially) Now then, ma'am, no one's here besides us. (elaborately makes sure of it) Do be serious and tell me the truth-is there another Sosia inside who's just like me?

Alc. Alc.

Abin hinc a me dignus domino servos?

(indignantly) Will you leave my sight, sir-you slave worthy of your master!

Sos. Sos.

Abeo, si iubes.

Sure, ma'am, if you say so.

[exit into house.

Alc. Alc.

Nimis ecastor facinus mirum est, qui illi conlibitum siet

meo viro sic me insimulare falso facinus tam malum.

860 quicquid est, iam ex Naucrate cognato id cognoscam meo.

Merciful heavens! It's simply unintelligible, how my husband could think fit to accuse me of such atrocious conduct without the slightest cause. Well, whatever it is, I shall soon know about it from Naucrates, one of my own family.

[exit into house.

ACTVS III ACT III

Iup. Jup.

Ego sum ille Amphitruo, cui est servos Sosia.

idem Mercurius qui fit, quando commodumst,

in superiore qui habito cenaculo,

qui interdum fio Iuppiter, quando lubet;

huc autem quom extemplo adventum adporto, ilico

Amphitruo fio et vestitum immuto meum.

(in jocular, self-satisfied tone) I am that Amphitryon who has a servant Sosia, which same turns into Mercury on occasion, I being the Amphitryon who lodge in the upper attic (pointing heavenward) and become Jupiter at times, when the humour seizes me. As soon as I wend my way into these parts, however, on the spot I am Amphitryon and change my clothes.

nunc huc honoris vostri venio gratia,

ne hanc incohatam transigam comoediam;

simul Alcumenae, quam vir insontem probri

870 Amphitruo accusat, veni ut auxilium feram:

nam mea sit culpa, quod egomet contraxerim,

si id Alcumenae innocenti expetat.

I now appear out of regard for you, so as not to terminate this inchoate comedy. At the same time I am here to help out Alcmena, poor innocent, denounced as disloyal by her lord, Amphitryon. For it would be sinful of me, if the storm I have brewed should descend on the head of guileless Alcmena.

nunc Amphitruonem memet, ut occepi semel,

esse adsimulabo, atque in horum familiam

frustrationem hodie iniciam maxumam;

post igitur demum faciam res fiat palam

atque Alcumenae in tempore auxilium feram

faciamque ut uno fetu et quod gravida est viro

et me quod gravidast pariat sine doloribus.

880 Mercurium iussi me continue consequi,

si quid vellem imperare. nunc hanc adloquar.

I will pretend for the present to be Amphitryon myself, as I have already, and thoroughly confound this family to-day, Then, after that, I will eventually clear matters up, yes, and aid Alcmena in due season, contriving that she give birth at one time to both the children she carries, her husband's and my own, without a pang. Mercury has his orders to attend me closely, in case I have commands to give. Now for a word with the lady.

enter Alcmena from house.

Alc. Alc.

Durare nequeo in aedibus. ita me probri,

stupri, dedecoris a viro argutam meo!

ea quae sunt facta infecta ut reddat clamitat.

quae neque sunt facta neque ego in me admisi arguit;

atque id me susque deque esse habituram putat.

I can't stand staying in the house! To be branded so with shame, disloyalty, disgrace, by my own husband! How he clamours to make facts no facts! And what never happened, things I never, never did, he accuses me of, and thinks I'll consider it quite immaterial.

non edepol faciam, neque me perpetiar probri

falso insimulatam, quin ego illum aut deseram

aut satis faciat mi ille atque adiuret insuper,

890 nolle esse dicta quae in me insontem protulit.

Good gracious, but I won't! I won't endure such an awful, unjustified accusation: I will leave him, or he must apologize, one or the other, yes, and swear he is sorry, too, for the things he has said to an innocent woman.

Iup. Jup.

Faciundum est mi illud, fieri quod illaec postulat,

si me illam amantem ad sese studeam recipere,

quando ego quod feci, id factum Amphitruoni offuit

atque illi dudum meus amor negotium

insonti exhibuit, nunc autem insonti mihi

illius ira in hanc et male dicta expetent.

(aside, dryly) Hm! It's incumbent upon me to meet her demands, if I wish the loving creature to take me into her good graces again. Since my doings offended Amphitryon, and this love affair of mine lately occasioned his guiltless self some consternation, it is turn about now, and my guiltless self has to suffer for the scorn and contumely he heaped on her.

Alc. Alc.

Sed eccum video qui me miseram arguit

stupri, dedecoris.

(aside, seeing him) Ah, there he is-the man that charges his wretched wife with disloyalty and shame!

Iup. Jup.

Te volo, uxor, conloqui.

quo te avortisti?22

I wish to speak with you, my dear. (circling her as she turns her back on him) Turned away? Where to?

Alc. Alc.

Ita ingenium meumst:

900 inimicos semper osa sum optuerier.

It is natural I should, sir: I always loathed looking at enemies.

Iup. Jup.

Heia autem inimicos?

Oh, I say now! Enemies?

Alc. Alc.

Sic est, vera praedico;

nisi etiam hoc falso dici insimulaturus es.

Yes, enemies: and that's the truth of it-unless you intend to term this a lie, too.

Iup. Jup.

Nimis iracunda es.

(trying to fondle her) You're too irritable.

Alc. Alc.

Potin ut abstineas manum?

nam certo, si sis sanus aut sapias satis,

quam tu impudicam esse arbitrere et praedices,

cum ea tu sermonem nec ioco nec serio

tibi habeas, nisi sis stultior stultissimo.

(pulling away) Can't you keep your hands off? Why surely, sir, if you were sane or had a particle of sense about you, when you think your wife is immodest and tell her so yourself, you wouldn't hold any conversation with her at all in jest or earnest, unless you were the silliest of silly men.

Iup. Jup.

Si dixi, nihilo magis es, neque ego esse arbitror,

et id huc revorti uti me purgarem tibi.

910 nam numquam quicquam meo animo fuit aegrius,

quam postquam audivi ted esse iratam mihi.

cur dixisti? inquies. ego expediam tibi.

My saying so doesn't make you so any the more, And I don't think you so, either; and I've come back to set myself right with you. For I never did feel sicker at heart about anything than after I heard you were provoked with me. "Why did you say it?" you'll ask. I'll clear up that point for you.

non edepol quo te esse impudicam crederem;

verum periclitatus sum animum tuom,

quid faceres et quo pacto id ferre induceres.

equidem ioco illa dixeram dudum tibi,

ridiculi causa. vel hunc rogato Sosiam.

Bless your heart, it wasn't because I believed you were immodest. I was just testing your feelings to see what you'd do and how you'd take it. (forcing a laugh) Really it was all a joke, what I said just now, merely a bit of fun. Why, you can ask Sosia here. (pointing to house)

Alc. Alc.

Quin huc adducis meum cognatum Naucratem,

testem quem dudum te adducturum dixeras,

te huc non venisse?

(coldly) Why do you not bring my relative Naucrates, as you just now said you would, to prove you had not been here?

Iup. Jup.

920 Si quid dictum est per iocum,

non aequom est id te serio praevortier.

If something is said in joke, it's not fair to take it in earnest.

Alc. Alc.

Ego illud scio quam doluerit cordi meo.

I know one thing-that joke of yours cut me to the heart, sir.

Iup. Jup.

Per dexteram tuam te, Alcumena, oro obsecro.

da mihi hanc veniam, ignosce, irata ne sies.

(seizing her hand) I beg and beseech you, Alcmena, by this right hand of yours, do forgive me for it; pardon me: don't be angry!

Alc. Alc.

Ego istaec feci verba virtute irrita;

nunc, quando factis me impudicis abstini,

ab impudicis dictis avorti volo.

valeas, tibi habeas res tuas, reddas meas.

iuben mi ire comites

Your charges are refuted by my honest life; now, sir, having been guiltless of gross behaviour, I will not be subjected to gross language. Good bye. Keep your own things and return me mine. Will you older my attendants to follow me? (turns to go)

Iup. Jup.

Sanan es?

Are you in your senses?

Alc. Alc.

Si non iubes,

ibo egomet; comitem mihi Pudicitiam duxero.23 930

If you decline to do so, I will go with my woman's honour as my only escort. (walks away)

Iup. Jup.

Mane. arbitratu tuo ius iurandum dabo,

me meam pudicam esse uxorem arbitrarier.

id ego si fallo, tum te, summe Iuppiter,

quaeso, Amphitruoni ut semper iratus sies.

(holding her) Wait, wait! I'll swear to it-at your dictation-that I believe my wife is virtuous. If I deceive you in this, then, Jove almighty, I invoke thy curse upon Amphitryon for evermore.

Alc. Alc.

A, propitius sit potius.

(hurriedly) Oh no! His blessing, his blessing!

Iup. Jup.

Confido fore;

nam ius iurandum verum te advorsum dedi.

iam nunc irata non es?

I trust to have it, for it is a reliable oath I have given you. (drawing her close) Now you're not angry, are you?

Alc. Alc.

Non sum.

(submitting) No.

Iup. Jup.

Bene facis.

nam in hominum aetate multa eveniunt huius modi:

capiunt voluptates, capiunt rursum miserias;

940 irae interveniunt, redeunt rursum in gratiam.

verum irae si quae forte eveniunt huius modi

inter eos, rursum si reventum in gratiam est,

bis tanto amici sunt inter se quam prius.

(caressing her) That's a good girl. Why, life is full of incidents of this sort. Human beings lay hold on pleasures and then again on pains. Quarrels come between them, and then they are reconciled again. But if any such quarrel as this does happen to arise between them, then when it blows over they are twice as fond of one another as they were before.

Alc. Alc.

Primum cavisse oportuit ne diceres,

verum eadem si isdem purgas mi, patiunda sunt.

You should have been careful not to say such a thing in the first place; but if you apologize so nicely for hurting me so, I can't complain.

Iup. Jup.

Iube vero vasa pura adornari mihi,

ut quae apud legionem vota vovi. si domum

rediissem salvos, ea ego exsolvam omnia.

Well, well, then, have the sacrificial vessel prepared for me so that I can pay all the vows I vowed for a safe return home when I was in the field.

Alc. Alc.

Ego istuc curabo.

I will attend to that.

Iup. Jup.

Evocate huc Sosiam;

950 gubernatorem, qui in mea navi fuit

Blepharonem arcessat, qui nobiscum prandeat

is adeo24 inpransus ludificabitur,

cum ego Amphitruonem collo hinc obstricto traham.

(to maids in doorway) Call Sosia out. I want him to invite Blepharo, the pilot aboard my ship, to lunch with us. (exeunt maids) (aside) As a matter of fact, friend Blepharo will be left unlunched and looking foolish when I turn Amphitryon out neck and crop.

Alc. Alc.

Mirum quid solus secum secreto ille agat.

atque aperiuntur aedis. exit Sosia.

(aside) I wonder what he's talking about all to himself! Ah, there goes the door! Sosia's coming out.