Always Alone

Felipe, Goiania, day 0

She keeps talking as if subjects and predicates were the most amazing thing in the world. I can only wonder why I can't send the damn hardflip right. Finally the signal rings.

"Felipe, I need to talk to you."

Holy shit, what does the teacher want with me? I changed the words before copying the essay that Vitor did for me. He did it half an hour before it was due, and it turned out pretty average, it doesn't even sound like Vitor. The crowd gives a visshhh as they get up from the half-destroyed and completely scribbled desks of the classroom with dirty and peeling walls. Vitor is the last to leave, he looks at me apprehensively and indicates with his eyes that he will wait for me outside. I also reply with my eyes that I might be in trouble. Yes, this dialogue happened without a word being said. It is our special power. It is not really a power, in fact it is years of living together and I am not the talkative type. I approach the teacher's desk, stop in front of her desk, and look at her in silence.

"You know you can trust me. Don't you know, Felipe?"

One thing I do know is that whenever someone says you can trust them, you really can't. I nod my head positively.

" I notice the marks Felipe. "

I raise my shoulders and palms playing dumb. I forgot about these marks as soon as they stopped hurting.

"On your back."

The teacher looks at me from behind the round glasses matching the tacky dress that makes her look much older than she is. She could just leave me alone, ignore me like all the other teachers do. I am an expert at being unnoticed. Not for her, she pretends to care, she shouldn't, it's not her problem. I need to say something.

"It was a skateboarding cow."

"What do you mean a cow on a skateboard, Felipe?"

"I fell off a skateboard."

"You don't look bruised from a fall."

"Are you a doctor?"

"I'm just trying to help."

She places her hand over mine, thin, icy fingers, it's been a long time since anyone has touched me with affection, I remove my hand and place it in my pocket.

" Can I go?"

"You may Felipe, you may."

I leave that room as fast as I can without running, I can feel her eyes on the back of my neck, probably looking at the bruises on the back of my neck. At the door of the school a skinny boy with black skin and dark vivid eyes and not too big black hair looks at me, his look asks me what happened in there.

"She saw my back, Victor."

"It's not even that ugly anymore, I mean it's ugly, but it was creepy before, purple, kind of yellowish and the red welts and kind of inflamed, pretty disgusting and you were walking around looking like an old woman."

The skinny guy keeps talking, he is very good at this, at talking.

"Like, now that you're almost healed that she notices, I told you, she's very slow and she's a human being, she definitely smokes pot."

I look seriously at his face.

"I'm lecturing again, right?"

I nod my head yes.

"Sorry, but did you tell her?"

I nod my head no.

"Maybe if you did, she could help you."

"She can't, no one can."

"True, they would send you to a shelter as soon as they saw your house, if the guys at school are already assholes imagine the guys at these shelters. The guys there must have had a really bad life, so the guys must be like the Joker from the last movie."

"I don't even know what you're talking about anymore."

"Neither do I."

We laughed together.

"Do you want to eat at home, Lipe?"

"Won't your mom get mad?"

"She is not at home, she got some daily at the house of one of the neighbors of her boss. To pay for the pre-college course she wants me to take in the afternoon."

"But there are still two years to go."

"The rich kids are already getting ready, her boss's son is also in first grade, he studies all day and it is with these Playboys that we will compete for a place at UFG."

"When do you start the course?"

"Next week."

I concentrate on the skateboard and try unsuccessfully to send a hardflip. Vitor steps in front of me and does a perfect hardflip.

"The back foot, you have to put it from the middle of the tail to the outside, and when it's at an angle you kick the flip straight forward."

I tend again and fall apart on the floor.

"Shit, crappy dumb maneuver."

" Lipe, even if I'm not home, you can spend the afternoon there. Now get up and let's go soon, I'm starving."

After we eat the wonderful lunch that Auntie made yesterday almost at dawn, my favorite, rice, beans and a meat and potato broth, we rest a bit. Then Vitor makes me do the housework, I help him clean the house and we spread out on the couch while he talks about I don't even know what else. As I said, he is very good at talking, if there was a talking competition he would surely be a medalist.

"Are you going to say that you don't remember, bro?"

"What, Victor?"

"The soap party your mother threw, I think it was on your eleventh birthday."

"We spent weeks trying to get all that soap out of the house. "

" No one would throw a party like your mother."

I try to disguise my sadness, Vitor knows me too well for the disguise to work.

"I'm sorry, man, me and my big mouth."

"It's not your fault."

"Did you talk to her after what happened?"

Not even if I wanted to, and I don't think I want to, she keeps avoiding me, if I walk in one door she walks out the other. Even when she was taking care of me, she avoided my eyes. I nod my head no. I can do something very rare. I leave Vitor speechless, but he doesn't surrender so quickly.

"It's fucked up, Lipe."

" No way, if you do it's half a glass."

I force a smile. Vitor smiles back."

"The rest is foam."

"I'm on it, Vitor. Auntie should be here soon."

"See you tomorrow."

"Can I leave my backpack here? I don't want some crazy guy disappearing with my homework like last time."

"No problem."

I get on my skateboard, we live two blocks away. I always take the path along the avenue, always the long way, I pass by the alley of the meat packing plant, actually the ruins of an old meat packing plant that closed about five years ago. I insist on sending a hardflip, no matter how hard I try, it doesn't come out. The back foot from the middle to the outside of the tail, kicking straight and it just doesn't work. I keep trying until I get in front of the bakery, two houses away from mine, one last try and again the ground. Laura comes to where I am and helps me up.

"Still trying Hard anything?"

I nod my head yes.

" No talk, I remember it's a hard,, hardflip."

I smile and nod yes.

" You will make it. I believe in you."

She reaches out her hand and helps me up, I better describe it to you, so you can get at least a vague idea of the effect these encounters have on me. She is tall and slim with firm breasts and strong athletic arms and legs. She uses the gym equipment in the plaza at dawn, I can see it from my window. This is not a quiet neighborhood and yet almost every morning I see her working out and smoking pot alone in the square and no one dares to get close. What else can I say about her, she is a redhead, but not a real redhead and has a little red devil with little horns and wings drawn on the back of her head. And she is always kind to me, as few people in this neighborhood are. She lives in a one-room apartment on the same street as me. I'm not sure how she makes her living, something illegal, trafficking, stealing, I don't know, and honestly I don't care. I know little about her, she has a São Paulo accent that she forgets to disguise when she feels like it and doesn't talk much about herself.

" I better go for it, see you later Lipe."

"See you."

I sit on the curb in front of my house and wait for the cold and tiredness to force me inside. I enter the house in complete darkness, I walk silently across the living room, there is nothing I can bump into, the furniture was gone a few weeks after grandma died, I feel my feet slipping on the dust, the house has the same smell as the abandoned fridge where Vitor and I like to skateboard, the smell of abandonment and ruin. I stop in front of her room, the same noises as always. Knocking, scraping, vacuuming, the annoying scratching of lighters and that damned whispered conversation. I go to my room, close the door and turn on the flashlight on my cell phone, an old lg that I got from a lady at the market for helping her with her shopping. I open my trunk and check my stash: three bananas and half a can of powdered milk. I go to the kitchen to get some water to make milk, in the kitchen I open the cabinets, there is nothing, not a bran and by the noises in the room no one will feel hungry so early. I look at the kitchen door and get a big shock, a guy watches me silently, his name is Jorge, one of my mother's friends. He's the one who brings the crap they use, he also arranges the clients for her.

"Are you drunk, kid?"

He takes his cell phone out of his pocket, turns on his flashlight and points it at me.

"I just came to get some water."

I hate the way this guy looks at me. It gives me a weird feeling, a mixture of disgust and fear. Last night I woke up with him kicking a guy out of the house, I didn't have the courage to leave the room, but from what I heard he beat the guy up a lot. The bastard keeps looking at me and points the flashlight at my feet and slowly moves up to my face.

"You look just like your mother, the same white skin, the same blond hair, and the same green eyes, you must be a heartbreaker at school."

I deflect my eyes to the floor.

"Sunday I saw you at the fair, carrying a bag for your aunt."

I nod my head affirmatively.

"But a good-looking guy like you could be making a lot more than pocket change."

I just look at him.

"I know some guys who would pay top dollar to spend time with you. The advantage is that you don't have to do anything, just be very quiet, you're good at that, quiet as a cat, a beautiful Siamese kitten."

I head toward the door and the son of a bitch walks in the front.

"What's the hurry? Is the kitten a stray? I don't know your room, why don't you show me?

My heart is pounding in my throat and no matter how hard I try to hide it, I'm trembling. He looks like a closet, his hand the size of my head. I'm not proud to say that I've never been so scared in my life and I'm holding myself back from crying, the only way out is through the door that he's blocking with his body, he walks slowly towards me. Before I can say anything I hear my mother's voice echoing from behind the asshole.

"What's going on here?"

He steps out of the way of the door and my mother enters the kitchen and comes towards me, for the first time in a long time she looks me deeply in the eyes without looking away.

"I asked you a question Philip."

Jorge looks at me, with an icy, threatening look.

"Nothing mom, nothing is happening."

I can't remember the last time I was happy to see her.

"I was just here having a chat with your little boy, trying to get him to barely open his mouth."

She looks at me.

"Lipe?"

"Hi."

"Go make yourself a snack."

She takes some money out of her pocket and hands it to me. I take the money and as I'm leaving, my mother takes me by the arm, brings me close and hugs me, while staring at Jorge. At first I am startled by the sudden and unexpected gesture, she smells my hair and kisses my forehead, instinctively I hug her back and feel the comfort of her embrace. She loosens her embrace and messes up my hair, as she did before.

" You need to wash this hair Lipe."

I leave the kitchen, turn off the flashlight on my cell phone and hide in the hallway. I hear them talking in the kitchen.

"Jorge, what the fuck was that?"

"What are you talking about, Marta?"

"What were you doing with my boy? He was terrified, I'm not a fool, I may be crazy, but I'm not a fool, I'm not a fool."

"You're traveling Marta, your kid is a little scared."

"Man, I'm not a good person, not really. You of all people know that."

"I don't understand this conversation Marta."

"I only did one good thing in this life, I don't even know how someone like me could be the mother of a boy like him. I hear my mother walking towards Jorge."

"If anyone tries to hurt my boy..."

"Easy there mink."

I hear the sound of something metal scraping against the sink.

"God damn it Jorge, don't trip on my boy ever again."

"Get real, Marta. We're partners, you're my best girl, I didn't ride your brat, now put the fuck down."

I hear the sound of something metallic being thrown into the sink and footsteps moving away. I hear Jorge's voice.

"I got you a great job, great stuff in Brasilia."

"Brasília Jorge? Don't you have anything here in Goiânia?"

"Three times the normal price."

"At least the dust in that shitty city is better than here, the only thing that is good in that hole.

I leave at this point, I had never seen Mom talk like that. I can't even remember the last time she kissed me. I get on my skateboard and all I can think about is last Friday, when I hear Mom yelling at me to give back some money that I didn't take. She was very stoned, she couldn't even speak properly. Trembling, drooling, looking like an animal. Throwing my things on the floor, tearing my room apart. She screamed and screamed, cursing me, I shouldn't have screamed back, she would have given up and calmed down like the other times, but I screamed, I told her to leave me alone. She hit me hard in the face, I wasn't expecting it, when I fell I screamed again, I screamed that I hated her, I said she should have died, not Granny, I don't know where she got that coat hanger, I can still hear the whirring sound it made as she lifted it up and down on me again, I protected my face and head with my arms as she hit me in the back. She screamed, that's what I remember most, more than the pain, more than the shame, I remember her screaming. She hit until she lost her strength or until I blacked out, I don't know what happened first. When I woke up I was in my bed, my room was clean, I was showered, and the bruises on my back were clean and medicated. My back was as Vitor described, for two days I barely got out of bed. She brought me food and medicine, she took care of me, in her own way, but she did, you might think I was very angry with her and I was, but for two days there were no drugs and it was just the two of us, for two days there was peace. It didn't last and as my back healed she got sick again. But now after whatever happened in that kitchen, I know that she loves me. That she would kill to protect me. I don't feel anger anymore, I feel something that I thought had died in me, hope, that things can be better, that she can change, that our life can be different. Only when I arrive in front of the bakery do I remember where I am going, I order a sandwich and a soda and sit on my skateboard on the sidewalk. I see Vitor passing on his skateboard across the street and whistle to him, he turns around and sits on his skateboard next to me.

"I was coming to your house."

"To?"

"My mom couldn't make it back home and is sleeping at work, I was going to call you to sleep over. It sucks that you don't have internet on this bomb of yours."

"I'll put in some credit later."

"He stares at my sandwich. I take a note out of my pocket and hand it to him, order one for yourself."

He looks at me suspiciously.

"Where did you get this money?"

I look at his weasel face seriously.

"Calm down. No offense to asking."

"My mother."

"Really? What's gotten into her?"

Vitor gets up and goes to the counter to get a sandwich and sits down next to me again.

"You didn't tell me what got into her."

"There was some weird stuff going on in the kitchen, that weird guy I told you about."

"Did he do something to you?"

"Get out of here, are you taking me away?"

Vitor keeps looking at me, I lower my head.

"He was going to try, she arrived just in time, she gave me the money to get out of there."

"It's becoming impossible for you to continue living in that place."

"That place is my home. There's nowhere else for me to go."

Laura, Goiania, day 0

Few times in my life has a plan gone so wrong, I lost a lot of money and all my product. And it was such a simple plan, someone gave the job to the police. There was no way for them to know that that old lady was carrying two hundred ecstasy pills. It was a good idea for me to hide in this forgotten outskirts. The old trick, in front of the suppliers and the customers, the half-assed patrician, the apartment in the good neighborhood, then go out the back and hide in a poor and discreet neighborhood, in a house with several exits, but this time my loss was great and I have a strange feeling, my intuition, it never deceives me and never brings good news. It is not safe to go back home, yesterday I had the impression that I was followed here. I don't even realize that the cute guys are talking, a little further on, sitting on their skateboards. Ta they are much younger than me, four years to be exact, I don't think about them the way you might be thinking, I just like the way they look at me, it's not just horniness, it's enchantment, I like the way they are kind, almost in love. That age before men became complete assholes. I hear them talking about Vitor being alone at home and about something tense at Lipe's house, if you can call that a house. I think I found a quiet place to spend the night.

"Move over, skinny boy."

Vitor walks away, I sit down beside him on his skateboard, take the sandwich from his hand, take a big bite and give it back to him. With my mouth full I ask.

"What's the good one for today?"

The boys laugh and Vitor provokes me.

"But it's a lady."

Still with my mouth full I answer.

"I'm many things in this life, but a lady is not one of them."

Lipe says laughing, always softly, in his usual calm and firm way.

"We're going to Vitor's house, his mother won't be sleeping there tonight."

"Is this an invitation?"

I see them look at each other and the smiles open on their faces. I can't help feeling... I can't remember the word, in short I can't help feeling.

"Yeah, sure, I mean it would be fun, but it's okay if you don't want to go. But I have the new John Wick movie. And this movie is great, a lot of killing, shooting, fighting and stuff like that. You have a guy who likes it, no offense. Because you're a big girl, but not in a bad way, like you're really hot."

Lipe interrupts Vitor's machine gun of words

"Stop mano, just stop talking."

"I'm lecturing, ne?"

Me and Lipe nodded yes.

"Sorry."

"No problem, let's go then? The husky here likes action movies."

Before leaving, I grab two cases of beer. On the way Vitor starts talking about how all Keanu Rivers' characters are connected to each other in such an absurd way that it makes sense.

"Kind of creepy this place."

Lipe sneers.

"Nonsense."

Vitor adds.

"By day it's a great place to skate and at night it's a hotel for nerds, Lipe and I know this place backwards and forwards."

We arrive at Vitor's house.

"Can I put the beer in the fridge Vitor?"

"Yes you can Laura, just don't pour beer on anything or my mother will skin me alive."

I put the beer in the fridge and can't help but observe the house. The kitchen, impeccably clean, reminded me of my mother's kitchen. Five years have passed since I last saw that kitchen, that I could smell freshly baked cake and feel the soft hands smelling of rose milk caressing my hair. Enough nostalgia, after all, today is a special day. We have spent two pleasant hours drinking beer and eating popcorn while Keanu Reves continues killing madly because of his dog. The boys are drunk for sure. Vitor keeps talking on his elbows, he is an endless source of subjects and this has its charm, his beauty is not on the surface, but looking well you can see the fleshy mouth, the perfect smile and he is always smiling. His black hair is always impeccable, whenever I catch him looking at me he looks away and gets ridiculously embarrassed and says whatever comes to his mind, Philip is the opposite, you almost never hear his voice, he expresses himself through his eyes. His beauty is obvious and a bit out of place. His blond hair is uncut and always messy, always falling in his face, his face of perfect proportions and a nose that seems sculpted, his green eyes, the most vivid eyes I have ever seen, always looking at me, he has a habit that bothers me a little, he looks at my mouth while I speak, he doesn't speak, but his eyes make his desire clear and I get the strange feeling that at any moment he is going to try to kiss me. You know, I couldn't be in better company on a special night like tonight.

"Today is my birthday boys."

It was beautiful, they blew out a candle, sang Happy Birthday to me, the last time they sang to me I was with Guilherme. It was with that son of a bitch that everything really started to go wrong. It was with him that I discovered the worst in me, that I discovered my vocation, my talent, and my true nature. Lipe goes to the kitchen and returns with three cans.

"The last three, guys. I have a little money here."

Vitor looks at his watch.

"It's ten twenty, drinks now only in the 24 hour."

"Through the alley is very fast to get there."

"You got it, Lipe, today is my birthday, so it's all on me."

The three of us left towards the alley. In the avenue near the entrance to the alley I see that Vitor is afraid.

"Is it okay for us to pass through there at this hour?"

"You're with me, baby, nobody's going to mess with you."

As soon as I shut up I recognize a white civic with neon underneath, I would recognize that monstrosity in the shape of a car miles away, the passenger window opens and I see the furious face of the Vult, we are at the entrance of the alley on my side a pile of crates of glass bottles, I see the Vult pointing at me with one hand

I know exactly what he is looking for and as always at these times this strange tingling takes over me, without thinking I grab two bottles with one hand and throw them towards the car, I pull the boys by the arms into the alley.

"Just run."

Before I disappear into the dark of the alley I can see the bottles entering the car through the window and one of them explode in the face of the Vult. My aim remains impeccable as always. I hear shouts and footsteps behind us as I can hear the car start up. They will surround us for sure, at this time we hear the first shot in our direction. We pass in front of the refrigerator grill still holding the two beautiful arms, I ask Philip.

"How do you get in?"

"Let's get out of the alley Laura."

"They already surrounded us, how do you get in?"

He lets go of my hand and runs to a corner of the fence and raises the fence.

"Come on, Laura."

Vitor and I go under the fence, when Lipe is crawling under it we hear four shots, one of them hits a sign beside Vitor and the shrapnel from the bullet and pieces of the sign hit him, he screams and puts his hand to his face and shoulder. I grab him by the shoulders and force him to keep running, when I look back I see Lipe with his pants caught in the grate trying to get free, I leave Vitor and come back to help, I hear another shot, the pants bar is well caught in the grate, I unbutton his pants and grab him under the arm and pull and hard, the pants and sneakers stay on the grate while we run, I catch Vitor and we continue.

"Does this place have an exit Lipe?"

He answers with his voice shaking.

"Only the one we use to get in."

I start to look around trying to think of something, but it is very dark. I hear Vitor crying softly as he speaks.

"The frezzer Lipe."

Lipe takes me by the shoulder and I push Vitor and we are guided by Lipe to a huge white iron door. Lipe pushes Vitor inside and holds me firmly against the door.

"Are you crazy? There's no way out."

We hear gunshots and the lights from cell phone flashlights randomly illuminating all around us. Felipe mutters firmly and dryly

"Just get in."

I get in and Lipe gets in right behind me and moves the door that creaks making a lot of noise. I hear the sound of more shots, now surely coming in our direction. The door closes completely and I hear the sound of Lipe locking the door. What a shitty idea they had.

"We're dead, they heard the door, they're going to come in and kill us.

Still crying Vitor answers."

"The lock on the outside is broken, it only opens from the inside, this thing is made of concrete and steel. It's bulletproof and will only open if one of us does this."

Vitor cries again.

Lipe takes his cell phone out of his pocket turns on the flashlight and illuminates Vitor who sat on the floor.

"Are you hurt bad, bro?"

"I don't know."

I turn on my cell phone light and crouch down beside him.

"Move your hand, let me take a look."

Vitor removes his hand from his face and looks calmly, I remove a small piece of the plate on his chin and other superficial cuts across his cheek. His shirt is soaked with blood on his shoulder, I take my pocket knife from my back pocket and cut his shirt, it seems that they were only superficial cuts.

"It doesn't look serious, Vitor."

Vitor takes his cell phone out of his pocket turns on the flashlight and points to Lipe has a nasty cut on his shin.

"Your leg, bro."

"I scratched myself on the railing."

Vitor shines a light on Lipe's legs and then looks at his own shoulder and smiles. What do you mean he's laughing, Lipe looks at me and then talks to him.

"What's so funny?"

"Is it just me or does Laura want to leave us without clothes?"

I can't help laughing, none of us really. The same Vitor cuts the laughter.

"Better stop."

"Relax, there's no way they can get in here."

"That's not it."

"What is it then?"

"This is a hermetically sealed chamber."

"So what?"

Fuck, I hadn't thought of that. I answer before Vitor.

"Air doesn't get in. If we stay here too long we'll suffocate."

Vitor continues.

"The more quiet and still we are, the longer the air will last, it's a matter of metabolism."

Lipe shouts.

"Vitor!"

He shuts up and in silence we sit together shoulder to shoulder.

Vitor, Goiânia, day 1

I wake up with my clothes soaked with sweat, my head heavy and I struggle to keep my eyes open, a light illuminates from the floor to the ceiling in front of me, the floor is hard and there is a strange and bad smell in the air. That smell is familiar, I just can't remember where from. I take a deep breath and my face goes numb, there are two other points of light also illuminating from the floor to the ceiling, the rest is darkness. I look for my cell phone in my pocket and understand that the mysterious light in front of me is my phone. I grab it and the light hits my face and dazzles my eyes, I turn the light and the first thing I see is an ass. A nice ass I would say, inside a tight pair of jeans. Who is this girl, I see the back of her head and her red hair. I sit up quickly and almost faint.

"Laura, Lipe!"

Neither of them responds. Reality fills my mind, we're suffocating, I kneel down and illuminate the wall until I can see where the lock is, I try to get up, my legs are numb. I fall on top of Philip who is lying under the lock, he mumbles something, but doesn't move. I drag myself and kneel over him, holding the latch, but I don't have the strength to pull, he moves and I am left hanging holding the latch, my hand begins to slip. The latch settles and the door opens, just a small gap. Just enough to let the light in. I release the latch and fall back on the floor on top of Philip, who finally wakes up.

"Oh boy"

"helps me to open the door. I drag myself and pull the door through the crack, I feel the door getting lighter and see Lipe's hands on the door. The door finally opens. And the night breeze comes in . Slowly my face stops tingling. I hear Lipe shout."

"Laura wakes up."

I look at Lipe on his knees dragging Laura, I help him and we take her outside.

"Where are the guys?"

I light the empty shed and next to us I see some clothes thrown on the floor and a pistol, Laura drags herself and takes the gun. I take a better look at the clothes and see a jeans jacket. I'm still a little dizzy, but I have the impression that this is the jacket that the crazy guy who was shooting at us was wearing. Laura gets up slowly. After a while, feeling better, someone finally breaks the silence, this time it wasn't me, it was Laura, who has that pistol in her hand staring at the exit.

"Can you walk?"

That's it, I've been quiet long enough.

"What the hell was that all about? Like, the guy opened the window and you thought what, I don't like the color of the car, I'm going to break a bottle in the crazy guy's face, how could you hit a bottle that far away? Why did you do that? What kind of people are these guys? Do you know those guys? What the fuck are these clothes and this pistol doing here? Who goes away and leaves a pistol behind? And my face? It's destroyed, isn't it? I mean it wasn't that great..."

Lipe holds my arm.

"Breathe bro."

What a beauty, I'm crying again. Laura surely thinks I'm the biggest banana in the universe.

"I don't even know what I'll answer?"

Felipe looks seriously at Laura.

"Really?"

"Well, I do business with people, how do I put it?"

"Criminals? Psychopaths? Maniacs?"

"I was going to say dangerous Vitor, but the three words you used also serve, my last business went wrong, that guy, his name is Vulto."

"Fuck who calls Vulto?"

"Can I tell the fucking story Vitor?"

"Sorry."

"This guy, who is called Vulto, took a big loss, and he is blaming me for it. Somehow he found me and got what he got. I didn't want to get you guys into this. And your face isn't destroyed, Victor, it's just a few scratches."

Laura hugs me, somehow that calms me down. We walk slowly toward the exit. A smell of smoke is in the air. It's not possible that only I can smell it.

"Do you smell it?"

Laura answ"ers.

"It's coming from outside."

She draws her gun.

"You two behind me."

We go behind her, I look at Lipe and can't help but laugh.

"What's up clown?"

"You'll have to walk all the way home in your underwear.

"That was my only pair of sneakers, you idiot."

Laura looks back.

"I'll make it up to you."

She is sinisterly pointing the gun in the direction of the exit door. The narrowed eyes give an impression hard to explain, it's almost evil what I see in her eyes, the same look she had, seconds before throwing those bottles. Philip says the obvious.

"The smoke is getting stronger."

Maybe the guys are setting fire to the shed, but I don't want to alarm anyone, the prize for the fearful of the year is already mine. We walk to the door of the shed Laura reaches out her arm and makes us stop.

"I'll go ahead."

She points the gun and sneaks out.

"She thinks she's the Black Widow? I'll go in the front. Ouch!"

Lipe nods for me to be silent, but can't disguise a smile.

"You may come."

I try to disguise the panic I feel as I leave the building, it is dawn, that strange and lazy hour.

"My sneakers."

I look at the railing and Lipe's pants are still attached to the railing along with his sneakers.

"It's a miracle that no nincompoop carried his shoes."

"True Vitor."

"Something's wrong here."

Laura slowly approaches the fence.

"What do you mean?"

"Is this the only way out, Victor?"

"The only way out."

"There's no way to get through there without messing with the pants and sneakers and they are exactly as we left them yesterday."

Laura points the gun to the entrance of the shed.

"Let's get out of here."

Lipe goes to the railing, removes his pants and gets dressed, then puts on his sneakers. He lifts the railing, I go through and then hold the railing for him to pass, Laura comes out last, always looking inside the shed. Lipe is the first to see the clarity coming from both sides of the alley.

"That shit is fire! And it's on both exits, the guys want to burn us alive!

Laura yells at me."

"Calm down, let's get out the way we came in and fast."

We run to the exit of the alley, Laura goes in front pointing the gun.

"Fuck!"

Her scream makes us run out, what I see makes my blood freeze in my veins, this avenue is the main access way to our village, which is in fact a housing complex of popular houses built on top of a hill, over the years people have been adding to the houses, building sheds in the back, slab-on-grade houses, until the whole hill became one big pile of buildings. And what we see now is this same heap of buildings completely in flames, not one house or two, but all of them together, the whole hill. The fire is two houses away from the entrance of the alley. The reality that my house is in the middle of this mass of fire and smoke hits me hard. Everything my mother has sacrificed all these years has been reduced to nothing. I look around and see no one putting out the fire.

"Where are the firemen? Why isn't anyone helping?"

Laura puts the gun away and holds me by the arm.

"We need to get out of here, let's go to the highway and there we can get help."

The avenue goes straight down to the highway and on the other side of the highway there is an ecological park and a big mountain. A house two meters away from where we are explodes and throws debris, fire and smoke everywhere, I can only hear a strong buzzing in my ears, Laura takes me from the ground, it's the second time she saves me, we run down the avenue, she holds my arm firmly on one side and Lipe's on the other. Maybe she is the black widow after all.

Felipe, Goiânia day 1

Nobody said anything else while we ran down the avenue, with the fire on our backs, even when the vision of the cars stuck, twisted on top of each other on the highway was getting clearer, even when we had to jump over these same cars towards the park, up the mountain. Laura always ahead, without saying a word we followed her, the few times I looked at Vitor he was in a way I had never seen, in silence, when we reached the top of the mountain we had the perspective of what was clearer and clearer, whatever it was, it hadn't been the guys in the alley, and it hadn't been only in the village. From the top of the mountain we could see the highway for kilometers and for kilometers all we could see were crashed cars, one on top of the other, from the top of the mountain we could also see several fires throughout the city, I counted 28 of them, mostly in the outskirts, for some reason the beautiful tall buildings in the Bueno and West sectors and the mansions in the Jardins didn't burn. For the first time someone spoke up since the explosion. You have a chance to find out who broke the silence.

"You can see the condominium where my mother works from here. I need to find her."

Laura puts her hand on his shoulder.

"Just wait for the fire to get under control down there."

"Yeah bro, take a look, the fire is not even close to the condos, she must be fine there."

Vitor takes his cell phone from his pocket and dials his mother.

"It's calling."

We stay in silence, the fire reaches the edges of the highway and begins to reduce, my throat is burning with thirst, the sun is already high in the sky, although rain clouds are gathering, I think that rain will come later, the crazy weather of this city. Vitor is leaning on me shoulder to shoulder, he is shaking, the call drops and he calls again and does it again and again, I put my arm on his shoulder and hug him, he puts his head on my shoulder and holds on not to cry, I have never seen him so quiet.

"You can cry bro, she won't see."

He cries.

"Do you want to try calling your mom, Philip? I have plenty of bonuses.

I look at his cell phone, slowly I pick it up and without much courage I dial her number. The phone calls and calls until it goes to voicemail. Laura is sitting a little farther away watching the city."

"She doesn't answer."

I give him back his cell phone, he dials his mother's phone again. Laura takes the cell phone out of her pocket and starts calling, she dials several times. Vitor looks at her.

"Who are you calling?"

"The state, police, civil, military, bus station, firefighters, SAMU, I called some three phones in Sao Paulo no one answers."

"My mother's in Brasilia, her phone doesn't answer either."

Vitor gets up.

"This was big."

Laura answers a little impatient.

"What the hell, if it was a gun, where are the bodies? It's as if everyone had disappeared from the map."

None of us responds. The sky is now completely overcast, Goiânia in summer, out of nowhere the rain simply falls, one by one the spots go out. Laura gets up.

"We'd better get down."

"I need to find my mother."

"Which condominium does your mother work in?"

"Aldeia."

"It's not far from here."

First we go down the mountain and walk along the highway, we come to a curve where a mountain of cars crashed on top of each other prevents us from continuing. Laura approaches the cars and starts climbing on them looking for something. She stops at the top of the mountain of hardware.

"We're going to have to go around."

Laura looks inside some cars and comes down with two bottles of water in her hand. She hands me one, opens it, drinks a little, and hands it to Vitor, who also drinks. We go around the outside of the highway. We pass the sidewalks of the warehouse of a chain of furniture and appliance stores.

"bikes"

Vitor and I look at Laura without understanding. She explains.

"You can't go by car and I guess you don't know how to ride a bike, do you?"

We nod our heads no.

"Bikes, we'll get to your mother Vitor much faster."

Laura looks at the closed metal door of the warehouse, goes to a nearby car, starts it and accelerates against the metal door that folds like paper, an alarm starts to sound. Laura gets out of the car, gets in, turns on the light, then gets out.

"Hey, help me find the bikes."

We enter the gigantic warehouse and walk down several aisles until we find a corridor with dozens, maybe hundreds, of bikes.

"My mother will kick my ass if she finds out that I stole a bike."

Laura smiles.

"Let's tell her it was a loaner."

We choose three and leave the shed. Vitor speaks again and this makes me more relieved to tell the truth.

"I know a shortcut."

We follow it through side streets and vacant lots.

"Do you even know the way?"

"Laura, as soon as my father left, things got ugly at home, so I had to come to the condo's reception desk and get a lunch box that my mother left with a friend of hers who worked at the reception desk. Every day I tried a different route and this is the shortest one, trust me."

In a short time we arrived at the condo's entrance.

Vitor, Goiania day 1

At the gate my optimism ends, none of the doormen and security guards that should be there checking who enters or leaves, at the two gates the entrance and exit luxury cars stopped and next to the doors of the drivers the uniforms of the security guards. I get on my bike and go through the side of the gate and accelerate towards the house of my mother's boss. We stop in front of the house, dozens of other cars parked in front of the house, we enter through the back and pass through the garden where a large table filled with the most varied dishes and several other smaller tables scattered around the garden with plates full of unfinished meals and drinks not drunk and everywhere clothes, spread on the grass and on chairs, I run across and enter through the kitchen door.

"Mom, Mom, please Mom, answer!"

Not my mother sir, please. On the floor by the sink, my mother's uniform. I run and grab the uniform, hugging myself to it, I can't believe it, not my mother.

"Mom, mommy please no."

It's a nightmare, I want to wake up, my mother. From the uniform the rosary that she always wears falls to the floor. I pick it up and stand up, Lipe looks at me.

"Maybe it's not her Lipe."

Lipe looks at the rosary in my hand, I have never seen my mother without that rosary around her neck.

"It was late Lipe, she shouldn't have been awake."

I run out into the garden, the dinner table is set, with more food than any of these playboy bastards could eat. I pull the tablecloth off the table and drop half the food on it.

"Bastards, she should be lying down, not serving you shits!!!!"

Laura runs up to me and hugs me.

"Mom, please, Mom"

Laura takes a pill from her purse.

"Take this."

"No!"

She forces the pill into my mouth.

"It will help, come take it."

Laura makes me take the pill, my eyesight goes heavy, I finally start to understand. That's it, how come I didn't think of it before, it can only be, it's the rapture. I remember the priest saying.

(Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we shall be with the Lord forever.)

1 Thessalonians 4:15"17).

She went to heaven and I stayed, I wasn't good enough, I didn't deserve it, Mom help me, take me. Laura puts my head in her lap and her eyes meet mine.

"It was the rapture Laura, we stayed, we were left behind."

"That closes her eyes."