Affinity Romance (AR)

Shinai Indigo likes to ostracized the idea that Jordan Edon is the love of her life that she is been waiting for- the cherry on top of her cupcake. It is been reknown that he has feelings for her but she can't assume that the spreading of that wildfire news is a spectacular truth. It is what it is-her perspective about this won't change. She likes to think that this cheery sunshine is just feeling the boredom of adulthood that he decided that she will become his target.

She pressed her forehead. She is having difficulty assessing the situation- he is giving her a major headache. When can he stop pestering her for good?

She fixed her posture. Eyes went towards the portrait of the snapshot taken from years ago. It was a remarkable moment-finishing the last anno of their high school life. It was a picture of two young teenagers, a guy and a girl to be explicit. The golden brown shade of the skin of the young man is still visible in the photo. His hand wasraising above his head, holding the graduation cap with his left hand.

His smile looking so bright- it's scalding to look at. The other hand is occupying the shoulder of the girl whose height didn't even reached the guy's shoulder. Her mouth formed an expression of displeasure. The corners of her lip are turned down. She's frowning- looking at the camera with eyes scowling "murder". Her cheeks are red-looking flush. With her pale skin tone, standing next to the guy made her look like she is ready to drink the blood of the living. Both expressions are ostensibly opposite from each other.

She grimaced and averted her gaze towards the photograph.

It's them.

It is the picture of her and Jordan taken after the graduation ceremony.

The sides of her lip formed a smile.

They both came a long way-conditions are a lot better in comparison to the preceding past of their yesterday.

She inhaled a breath- satisfied with the devoid state of inhaling air in her nostrils without the trepidation of the fear of having to force herself to move with an urgent haste into the next activity. She got out from that phase of being pressured to perpetuate her spot as one of the excellent student of her class. She is free from all that now. She can do what she wants without trying to endure the thought of wanting to please the oldies. Oldies are hard to deal with- hard to satisfy. They are too firm implementing their beliefs of their olden days- but the honest truth of the obvious fact that is that their outdated dogmas are not truly helping the young ones. It's only adding a vehement feeling of being anxious, as a child's young mind is too receptive towards the views and customs that surround them. It was tough for her to deal with all those stresses. But it was over now.

"Nai. Are you there? I brought you an orange marmalade juice." A gentle knocking is heard outside her room. The visile voice coming from a male made her frown. She can envision the smile on that man's face that is already ready to be seen at this time.

"It's not locked. You can come in now." Her pitched advanced as she said her words in a high tone. She doesn't like stretching her vocal cords- whenever she starts toforcely magnify her tone it always left her throat dry and strained. That's why she never liked the idea of shouting at the top of her lungs.

The door was pushed slowly-halfway through that she saw his neck craning while having that sneaked look on his face. The sides of his mouth moved- followed by a cheeky grin.

"Hey there, baby!" He chirped with that beaming smile present in his ever refreshing, astonishing handsome face that gives off a polished explosion of positivity that could catch anyone's attention.

She narrowed her eyes- glaring at him softly. She doesn't understand why she is stopping herself from releasing an antagonized glare. She frowned at the thought. Why can't she dispense the blazing fumed style of staring?

He winked at her after seeing her frown. She frowned even more after seeing him doing it. What is he trying to do? And why is she letting herself be affected by this good looking man having an angular visage?

She hissed after catching herself from adoring this man's features. She stood there- standing like an immobile robot waiting for a signal to make movements.

He starts to make steps-it's easy to make strides having long skeletons. In fleeting seconds he is already standing in front of her looking at her with an intensified gaze that she can't withstand. She withdrew her own gaze from looking at him and instead focused on the plastic bag he is holding.

"You didn't ask for a paper bag?" The crispness of his chuckles made her jolt. The sensation of the tingles creeping into her body- she can't explain the interesting feeling. She took a step back- putting herself in a safe distance. The fastening tight knot she felt when his body is inches closer to hers almost took her ability to breathe the oxygen present in the atmosphere.

"Nai is taking her role seriously as an environmentalist is impressive." He eyed her with a glint of mischief in his eyes, placing his fingers on his chin.

"You can take your eyes off me. You've been staring for so long." A half-suppressed chuckle came from him. Making her eyebrows furrowed.

"10 seconds, Nai. It's not that long. And besides you are used at me staring at you. What changed now?" He is right. He always gives her his prolonged gaze. It's been going on for years. And she was cool to take and received that without trying to implement some weird meaning behind his way of doing it. So, why is she reacting like this? She is not supposed to act like this.

"Is that for me?" She nudged her head towards the direction of the plastic bag in his hand. It's good excuse to do- an excuse to not commit to the conversation of being that affected with Jordan's stares.

"Yes, here." His hand extended to give it to her. She grabbed it gently and spread the thin plastic to have a glimpse of what's inside. All sorts of goodies she like from the convenience store are there, from the strawberry bonbons down to the flavored potato wedges. Jordan did bought her, her favorites.

"Thank you. I thought you only bought the orange marmalade?" It is a good time to drink it, because the the sky is unclouded and the brilliant rays of the sun is heating the humidity. It is a great refreshment for a sunny weekend.

"I prefer to word out the "orange marmalade". It is a nice word to be pronounced." Jordan is right. Pronouncing the word sounds fine.

"Circulating news has already spread." Her eyes went to look at him. "I know you are aware of it. What are you going to do now?" She asked him with the visible worry in her voice. Guilt gushed into her as she waited for his response.

The confession was a blast. A bang she did not expect. He was cool to set it out in the open. He was unbothered by the huge gasps from people who heard him during the time frame of his declaration of fancy for her. And besides it was a momentous time, because her older brother bended his knees to ask for her best friend's hand for marriage. It was supposed to be their moment-not them. She felt bad robbing the spotlight off the setting proposal that she participated in. She made a pact with her brother to assist him as he decided to take his plan of offering her bestie the proposal she's been waiting to be experienced. The fairy tale dream Sunny has fantasized while they were still young- when they had full of hopes to be sweep off their feet by their approaching knight in shining armor. Sunny got her dream. While her? She skipped to immerse herself from being feeling a bit jealous of the amazing happenings in her friend's love life.

This is not about her. This is about what Jordan did. After Sunny said her "yes" in compromising to the offer of commitment from her brother. After Sunny was lifted in the air looking so happy-while hearing the cheers from the people who witnessed it. Jordan stepped in with a huge cardboard that blocked his head-went towards the center of the field bringing companions that had roses in their hands.

In the cardboard, words are written using the florid magenta pigment and using the styled font she really liked. Jordan finally asked her to be his girlfriend. She was stunned the very moment her eyes land upon the words he happily showed her. It brought a great bolting shock in her nerves that all she can managed to do was nod her head, as her way of accepting the role of being his girlfriend.

And now this is where her fears started to come in-bugging her mind with a throbbing pain in her head. She accepted it-but her head was running in circles. Not letting her grasps the situation that is occuring. Instead of running into his arms, she chickened out. She ran into the opposite direction- removing herself from the situation. It was supposed to be a happy time- a time for celebrating a lovely event. But she ruined it.

And now she felt bad- she felt so bad that she wants to cry. She looked up to meet Jordan's eyes and that's when her tears started to fall. Looking at his eyes made her feel even more terrible. Jordan's hand went to touch her cheek-wiping off the tears that fell. The gesture made her cry even more.

How can he be so fine with what she did? He has the right to throw a raging anger at her. He has the right to get mad. And here, he is. He's looking at her with eyes full of sympathy, expression full of understanding. He pulled her close- pulling her closer to his chest. She comfortably rested her chin on his shoulder as she continues to cry.

"I am so sorry. I'm sorry, Jordan." She finally said the apology that is been wanting to come out off her mouth when he saw him peeked in to see her.

"I know. I understand. You're still not ready. And I hastily rushed you into this. I am sorry too." She shook her head as she put her hands around his neck. She was hugging him closer- tighter.

"I dragged your name into shame, Edon. I-I don't know. The people- their words. It'll affect you." She still isn't prepared for the opinions of people regarding the rejected proposal that happened between them. She felt extremely worse-as she imagines the reactions from people when Jordan is around. How could she do this to him?

"It's fine. Don't mind their opinions. Nothing has changed. I am still here. I will stick around-until you are ready." He patted her head for a few times before kissing the top of her head.

"How did you get in?" She questioned. Jordan's head went down- snuggling himself on the base of her neck.

"Your mother let me in." He muttered-squeezing her body into a more tight hug. "Erinoi was worried. He called me to check on you after you run away from me. But I was still recovering from the unexpected reaction I got from you. So, I came here a little late." Her hand reached to touch his hair. She was brushing her fingers into the fluffiness of the texture of Jordan's hair.

She wants to do something for him. It was her fault. She let her thoughts ran wild. Letting her fears take over her ability to make an intended decision that is fitting for the situation. She wants to make up for it.

"I want to do something for you. I felt really bad." She felt Jordan's smile underneath her chin.

"I want some lovin'." Jordan drifted his head slowly- lifting it to angle his face. They both stared at each other. Jordan's eyes are searching something in her eyes. He lowered his head- the tip of their noses touched.

"Let's have a date." He let out an exasperated sigh before kissing her cheeks.

He gives me headaches.

Not all the time but still I still get headaches because of him. He was always trying to make jokes that are not even funny. It did not bring me amusement. But to be fair, the jokes are not mostly addressed for me. Those were for his gals, his best friends.His quirks.That punchlines that does not make any sense. I heard them all. I was annoyed but I choose to listen. Those jokes were not laughable but his friends laughed at it. Constantly talking a lot of nonsense that are giving me a major anger issue. That nonsense blabbers. He wasn't talking to me but still, I don't think it is quite entertaining. I do not even understand Jordan. He always looked so totally engrossed about it. If I will assess their relationship-I might conclude those two are dating. Very close pals. Inseparable.

Wearing clothing apparels and shoes that resembled my sense of fashion. And it did get into my nerves. It created an ebullition within me, pent up anger gradually builds inside that is been wanting to come out full force and throw it in front of his face. My 8th year old self is always been wanting to carry a spray that contains a pesticide to school, for some bad intrusive thoughts that she kept on entertaining inside her cute little brain.Because my younger self thinks he is such a pest (a destructive mite) in maintaining peace within my mental state.

He crosses my mind a lot. Maybe it was for the urge I had to do something with what I felt for him. I was extremely mad at him. For unknown reasons. I just felt mad because he constantly bothers my mind. That I want him out of my sight but I cannot do much about it.Because I will get to see his face everyday.

I cannot avoid him. I kept seeing him-because we're classmates.

Sylvester Van Croix, the first on the list. Because he was the first ever human being that I developed a crush on. I was young. And I did not even recognize that I was crushing on him. I realized it late. Too late. Like a few years already had passed-before I accepted that I liked him.The entire experience is not that great. Not so exciting for me-for the present Shinai. It was not totally exciting for my recent self.

But for her, for the younger Shinai she liked it. She liked him. She was just too young to realize that she had feelings for what she thought was one of her enemies.

The rate will be 5/10.

Thanks to Silver, he certainly left an impact that somehow had helped me to have a better idea of how to deal with my romantic impulses, my impulses of attaching my own damn feelings towards a guy. I want to add some more information explaining the reason why I am feeling somewhat thankful for the experience. But it was too deep. And if l will compare it to the depths of Atlantic Ocean, it is incomparable. Because the ocean is way more deeper than my own sentiment.And I do not want to ruin my lighthearted approached that I used from the very beginning that I started to divulge my thoughts on writing this one. It will ruin my intention. And I do not want my scheme to fall into ruins.

Let us say nothing is set in stone, anything at any given moment has the capacity to go through a change. We can all went through changes- whether it will be such a tiny little bit of amendment or a massive one that can transform your life forever. It is still a change. Right now- I might not like to share those deeper yet hidden reasons about the gritty petty sentimental thoughts that I have. I most likely to admit that- I am still not yet ready to tackle about every single one of those reasons I have kept mostly to myself. But- the further time passes. I might let it all out of my chest... Someday, somehow.... I will be able to reflect back to remember those experiences.

"What's up with him, Sunny?" I asked my friend while eyeing Silver. I don't want to assume anything but, I can feel something in my gut with what's happening these last few weeks. A color coordination. The rainbow- all the colors of the rainbow was present. The 7 colors participated with the synchronicity. I have been putting things into deep introspection lately. I have been analyzing this weird stuff that is been going around. I began to shake my head in disbelief. I still cannot believe that something- something is happening without my awareness.

"Why? You mean he is way more egotistical than last week?" Sunny asked.

I did not answer her. Egotistical. Well, he sure is full of ego. And he takes pride with that. I do not have a problem with his ego though. And I do not care if he is not planning in toning it down even just for a little bit. That is his life. He decides for himself. I mean- I do not even want to intervene with his way of approaching people and situations. Because for sure, he will not even consider any advice that can possibly step on his ego.

He does not like people who intervene with his business. Why did I even pay attention to this guy anyway? I mean- I used to not care about him and his whereabouts but he is been bothering my mind for weeks now. Or it was even months ago? I am not really sure.

His eyes went on us. As he whispered something on Jordan's ear. That boy also looked at us and then smiled. That made me want to know the words he said because I kind of felt that it is somehow insulting. I am sure that was an insult. I do not need any proof. I mean- I heard a lot of insults from his mouths. It almost comes out naturally without him having to try that hard. The kind of teases that can really trigger the other person. Some of those- was not even intentionally given to the receiver. But most of it- he meant them. I remember how Jordan got pissed one time because of something he said and they got into a fight where they throw punches at each other, only to be back as friends after the fight. I can still recall how their anger turned into laughter after a few hours had passed before their punching incident. From punching each other's faces to putting their arms on each other's shoulders. Was it really common for guys to act like that? It was cool to watch but at the same time it's pretty weird. I do not seem to understand the narrative-nor to connect the dots about the incident.

"Let's go back inside, Shinai. We have to get ready for the next subject." I was brought back from my over thinking when I heard Sunny's voice. And I also didn't notice that those boys already went inside the room and the only people left outside was just me who stares blankly on the large tree in front of us and Sunny whose gaze looked confused and worried because of the fact that her friend is slowly getting crazy.

"Okay." I said almost in a whisper. But-I still want to sit on the tree trunk though...

Chapter 2: Dealings Of Frustrations

(Flash-forward: On the 6th day of March, Friday)

"I love this purple shirt. So far, I feel like I am royalty." I said it loud and clear enough to get someone's attention. Which was expectedly given to me because he looked at me and then mouthed the word "weirdo". He then shook his head twice before writing something in his notebook. I wonder what he writes on it- was it good or he was writing the lists of bad things about me?

I scoffed at him and slammed my notebook on the table feeling angry because I did not like the reaction that he gave me. Am I a weirdo? I think the best thing to describe me is- amazing.

"I can't wait for Sunny to arrive." I said to myself.

I am used to her being early. Earlier than me. I do not know why she goes to school too early every day- there is nothing exciting in here. To force yourself to get out of your bed when you could have stayed a little bit longer, waking up before the sun rises getting ready, and went to school at exactly 6:00 A.M. That is Sandy's routine. I mean- her secret routine. She only shares it to me. And told me to not tell anyone- or else she will end our friendship. Who does that? Threatening your own friend to keep your secret, a secret. But who cares? I'm not friends with the people in class anyway- so her secret's safe.

"Too bad she's not going to school this day and you'll be spending your break time alone in the cafeteria." I glared at him. Why-why does he has to interrupt me when I am doing some mental self-talk?

"And so?" It is too early to quarrel with him. But if he will be insisting to pick a fight- then why not?I can give it to him for free.

"Nothing. I'm just informing you. I heard her wailed at her mom this morning, begging to not send her off to school today because she does not want to take the quiz." He was so cool by the way he answers me. Way to cool.

Sandy not wanting to go to school? That's new. But I guess the topic did stress her out- I like her reason of escaping from it. Should I go back home too?

I sighed. I should have decided on it before I dragged my legs to go here. I forgot that I was conversing with Silver- so I give him my not so free glance.

"I-". He didn't let me finished my sentence before saying his thoughts.

"There is no need in saying thank you, Nai. I don't need that. What I need is for you to treat me some snacks during our break time." That made my brain stopped- I think I forget my reply.

I made a tsk sound at what he said. "What makes you think I will be submitting myself to your demand, huh? And besides you are the one who simply intervened to my conversation with myself. Thinking that the question I uttered was for you to be answered. It is certainly not. I hope you get it" My eyebrows still raised. And I am not planning to switch it down for him. It will not happen. My raising of eyebrows, I want to keep doing it.

"Don't worry. I'll treat you too with some food downtown after school anyway." He responded casually with the use of his cool tone.

The trade is good. Foods downtown are mouth-watering. And having him with me will be a good thing. I will get to pick a lot of food- and he will pay everything for me. I smiled while thinking of the idea that I have in mind. Applause-this guy is not thinking of the consequences he will encounter later. That kind of offer- is very favorable for someone like me who likes food badly.

I pretend to think about his offer and stared at him for a few seconds, before twitching the corners of my mouth to say something.

"Okay, fine. I accept it. But I hope you will be able stick with your words, Sylvester. He just nodded his head as a response.

Question: When did we really start to grow closer together? Are we that close? Because things whereleft undefined. Both of us,we're not the kind of being clear of drawing the line. The line that can distinguish whether we were considering each other as friends or just a mere acquaintance. We did not think about making that decision. So things are left that way- I didn't think much about it, neither was he.

Flashback:

"Hamlet is such a nice guy." I said it out of nowhere without even bothering whether if the people in my class heard what I said.

It doesn't matter. I am not restricted from having to express my words and to care about what others are thinking in their heads about it. And I don't want to be put into restriction when it comes to the proposition of expressing my beliefs, my thoughts, and myself.

I hate the idea of being deprived of the freedom of expression. I have gone through situations where I was held back by those adults who love to meddle themselves just because the person-they are talking to was just a kid. Just a kid. That is why they think they are superior. That they are always the righteous ones. The ones who are always right- and the words that came out of their mouths were the truths. That whatever they are doing is supposed to be followed because- THEY ARE ALWAYS IN THE RIGHT. And when the young ones disagree with them- they will be calling them disrespectful. And that they should learn to have proper mannerisms. Emphasizing the fact – that children will always respect their elders.

What if those elders where the ones who are in the wrong? You think the idea of letting them get away with it- is okay? Letting their wrongdoings slide? And just watch with your own two eyes without doing anything to at least defend yourself? To at least stop them from trying to belittle you-because in a literal sense you are little?

Hypocrites. Why can't they criticize themselves instead of picking on kids like me. I am tired of it. Not being able to do something- to protect me from people like them.

"What now? Just because he's a nice guy you'll be crushing on him?" The voice. I can now feel the anger in my nerves as I turned towards its owner. Why does he always love to participate in my self-talk?

"Why would you even care?" I lessened the pitch. I am acting out of defense. My thought stirred some emotions on me today.

He chuckled. "Is there any problem with my question? You could have stated your answer instead of throwing another question, Shinai."

"What are you, a teacher?"

"No, but I'm planning on becoming one someday."

"Good for you then." I answered. Trying to put an end to the conversation.I don't want to continue conversing with him.

"Now back to my question, that Hamlet. Do you like him already?" He stated another question again.

Glaring at him because he did not get the memo of me wanting to stop our conversation, I opened my mouth again just like him to speak another word. "Of course, no. I just said it because I remember how Mom looked so proud while saying his name."

"Let me guess. He was one of your mom's students?" He asked.

"Uh, yes." I am starting to feel the annoyance of this.

"That explains why." His voice dropped a bit.

Not understanding why his voice dropped I let mine get higher. "Explains what, Silver?"

"It's because you're jealous with the attention your Mom gave towards that student of hers. And now-look at you, trying to ignore the feeling with the compensation of making yourself be at eased with that positive comment instead of saying what you truly meant."

"I-I mean what? Where did you get that assumption? I-I don't." I stopped. I can feel my voice shake. I am not comfortable of showing my vulnerable side. Looking pitiful in front of him? He will make fun of my situation. I am sure he will love the outcome if I'll lose my cool.

"There's no point in denying the truth, your truth." He emphasized.