Achromatopsia

"What is this? Why can I see everything?Is it all because of you?"

***

Like a little bird that can't fly, I'm just like that bird. While that bird is trying to rule the territory without its wings working, I'm trying to paint beautiful things without color. Because I'm a color-blind man, I only see black and white in my life. Sometimes, I don't know the color of the clothes I'm wearing.

Do you know? There is a sentence that often makes me want to laugh at it. "Why is his face purple and green?".

To be honest, I don't know why his face is that color either.

Because I just paint and use my feelings to make the painting look real.

In addition to the colorblind painter, the painting I made was a plus for them. Because what they thought when they saw my painting was, messy colors but a very beautiful picture. That was an encouragement for me who had many shortcomings.

In a small room that is quite cozy, there are many scattered brushes and spilled paint. Sometimes I forget to clean up my things after I finish painting. If my mother sees this room, she will definitely shake her head and leave me. Even so, my mother really likes my work and supports this hobby.

Because, my father was a great painter in his time. My father had created many works that my mother fell in love with. That's why, my mother was so happy when I turned out to like painting, and had a job making beautiful works like my father's.

Wait. Deceased? Is my father dead? Yes.

He passed away when I was 15 years old, in a single accident on his way home from work at the art museum.

It was 9:00 p.m. I was still painting while occasionally stretching my hands. I didn't expect that I could finish this painting about 87% in just one day. And I just realized that Dean and I, who were too lazy at that time, took 1 month to do this assignment. In fact, if I focus and don't play much, this painting will be finished in one night.

"Crazy. You finished this painting so perfectly in just one day," Dean said.

I pulled the corner of my smile.With my hands still moving to give color to the painting, it suddenly stopped.What color is this? Why is it only black and white? Although this shortage has been going on since I was born, I was still shocked and disappointed that only those 2 colors were what I saw.

"Hhh... "I sighed in disappointment, "I want to see other colors. What does blue look like? What does pink look like? "I said with a slowly glum expression on my face.

Hearing my words, Dean just looked at me pityingly. He wanted to help me. But, what to help? I just don't know what to do with these eyes that can't detect colors.

"Here, let me get on with the painting," Dean got up from the chair and took the brush from my hand.

"I think I painted this painting with vague colors. You can change it if you want," I continued as I got up from the chair.

"What do you mean? That's art! It looks very strong ordinary. The colors in this painting, looks more real!"

Dean tried to calm me down.Even though he said that this painting was very extraordinary, I couldn't feel it.I could only smile when I heard people admiring my painting.

"Hhh... "I chuckled a little when I heard Dean's praise, "Are you praising me because you're afraid of being killed by me? "I asked with a challenging smile.

"Yes, that includes Haha!"He said as he continued the painting that was only half finished.

This is our friendship.Sometimes there are many unexpected problems that come to this friendship.Nevertheless, we have remained good friends since we entered this college.I am also very happy because I have friends like Dean and Arga.We are all the same age and have the same thoughts and hobbies.That is why, we can relate to each other well because of the many similarities.

Kkkrrttt...

Someone was opening the door.

"Huh? What are you guys doing here?"

"What about you? Why did you come here at this hour?" I asked.

"My mom got mad because someone threw a rock at my window. So for today, I'm going to sleep here." Arga replied as he entered the room while carrying a pillow and blanket.

Arga.He's a student with the same major as me and Dean.For my friend on this one, he's quite unruly and difficult to manage.Sometimes, I'm scared when I'm around him.I don't know how many enemies he has in his life.One thing for sure, he's a former brawler at school.He did a lot of juvenile delinquency in the past.So much so, Arga's mother sometimes captured Arga's moments of delinquency in her diary.But as naughty as this boy is, he doesn't dare to touch anything that smells of illegal drugs.He still has the common sense to control himself.

"This time, who are you fighting with?" Dean asked as he painted.

"I don't know. I think they're just jealous of my good looks," He replied, settling down on the sofa to sleep.

"Yes, I recognize your good looks this time. "I added as I threw small letters with various scents.

He caught them one by one. If you want to know, Arga is quite popular among the students. He's handsome and also a bit sloppy. It's enough to captivate the hearts of the women who see him. But, he's not the only one. Dean and I are equally popular. Haha!

"I'll read it tomorrow, my ladies. I have to sleep first, and gather energy to spread the charm tomorrow," He muttered gruffly and immediately closed his eyes.

We just shook our heads at our friend's behavior.

Do you want to know? I've never been in a relationship. I mean, I've never felt in love until now. To the point that my two friends think that I'm gay. Damn it, it's hard for me to prove that I'm a normal guy in general. I don't know why I haven't found a woman who fascinates me, or even makes me love myself. But I'm sure, one day there will be a woman who can make me fall in love until I die.

***

At 23:00 last night, I decided to go home. Since the rest will be finished by Dean, I was quite relieved to have finished my part.

Knock knock knock...

Kkkrrttt...

"San, are you going to eat today?" Mom asked.

I was still semi-conscious, and still on this comfortable bed. My eyes were fixed on the wall clock, which showed 8:00 am.

I have to do a lot of things today with Mom. I have to finish her homemade food, listen to her stories, and also be grateful that I have a beautiful and kind mother figure. Because I spent too much time with my brush, I forgot to ask how she was doing.

"Yes, Mom. I will eat today," I replied with a smile.

Mom returned my smile with a warm and sincere look. She walked away from my room to the dining room on the first floor.

I quickly got up from the bed, and made my bed.As I stretched my arms, I noticed that there were many small birds perched on my open window.They seemed to be in pairs and were watching me who was alone.How annoying! But they looked so cute because they had their own partners.I'm still confused, why do they like perched on my window so much? Am I Cinderella? I guess.

"San! Hurry up and wash your face and eat!" my mom yelled.

"Okay mom!" I replied hurriedly.

***

Mom and I were already at the same table. We started eating the breakfast that Mom had made.

"San, later this afternoon I'm going to a reunion. Do you want to come?" Mom asked.

The last time I participated in that event, there were many parents asking me to be their son-in-law. I couldn't even enjoy one glass of juice that was in my hand at that time.

"No mom. I'll stay at home to spend time alone," I gently refused.

Mom smiled, "Okay then."

We continued our breakfast.To be honest, I really wanted to go to the reunion.But, considering that I had to do something today, I had to stay at home.As a final year student, my assignments were starting to pile up and I still had a lot to finish.I was so tired and just wanted to sleep all day.But, what else could I do? That's students.

"San, if I come home late, is it okay if you have to cook for yourself?" Mom asked.

"Of course mom. I'll take care of myself while I'm home. You don't have to worry, and spend your time with your friends," I replied with a smile.

Mom smiled at my answer. She was always proud of me no matter what I did. Even just cooking sunny side up eggs.

***

The flowers in my yard are so beautiful.Mom planted them two years ago.She said that flowers can make life better when you see them.It's true.I feel calm when the flowers dance in the breeze.My house is at the edge of the city, where there are only a few houses around.Big trees surround our house, and green grass is plastered all over the yard.

There are many birds flying in the sky.The world is very beautiful and comfortable.For others.

"But for me, this world is just an imagination without life.This world is just a dark picture that has an interesting story behind it.This world, can only be owned by those who have everything.And this world, is not meant for me who only knows Black and White."I muttered while looking at the beauty of nature, which in fact I could not see where it was beautiful.

However, I should still be grateful, right? I'm upset but I can't do anything.

I dropped myself right on the green grass that was quite dense.Enjoying the wind that blew my hair, while looking at the colorless sky.While humming, I slowly closed my eyes to enjoy God's grace today.I don't care about the tasks that have piled up.I will spend today just lying on the grass.

Sometimes I think, what color is suitable to make something look more beautiful? Sometimes I think what color looks beautiful when I see it. I always think about those things when I close my eyes under the vastness of the sky.Even my mother and friends don't know what to answer if I ask them that.To me, happiness is being able to see all the colors in this life.I still hope to God, to give me at least one color, which I can be very happy when I see it.I will always pray that it will happen soon, and I will be the happiest human on this earth.

"Hhh... "I let out a long sigh as I closed my eyes for a few seconds.

It turned out that lying on the grass like that was quite tiring too. Because I became a lot of thinking and could not solve the answer to that thought.

Beep beep!!!

I gasped at the sound of a motorcycle horn from in front of the wooden gate of my house.Damn that kid always makes me startle and shake.

"Hey buddy, I see you're really enjoying your Sunday!" He shouted as he opened the gate.

I just rolled my eyes and lay back down.He wasn't important enough for me to respond to.

"Hey bro! Are you going to keep doing the dead simulation?" asked Arga as he sat next to me.

"If you want to eat, just go to the kitchen. I'm busy," I replied while still closing my eyes.

Arga is indeed one of my friends who has no shame. Sometimes he eats, bathes, and even sleeps on my tin for no reason. Even so, Mom understands and actually really likes Arga's freedom in taking action. He has extraordinary freedom. I envy him who can do anything without hesitation.

As for me, I even have to ask him when choosing clothes at the store.

"San! It's Sunday after all! Aren't you going out to play?" Arga asked excitedly.

I ignored him by turning my body back to him, "Sunday is the day you become a full human being. Because before you were just a robot busy doing world affairs." I said.

"Hhh... "Arga let out a rough breath, "How can you have a lover if you continue like this? "He continued.

"Is it important?"

"Of course! Otherwise, people will think the same as me and Dean."He said.

I'm too lazy to date. Because I think it will be a waste of time and energy. Besides, I'm still quite young. I'm not so worried about not having a woman. I'll get married when I'm very mature. So I'll just look for a lover when I get married. I think.

"What about you? You can't even be faithful to one woman," I continued as I got up from the grass.

"What? I'm faithful you know! If I leave that woman, it's a sign that we're not compatible!" Arga defended.

"Unsuitable or unwilling?" I said as I walked towards the house.

"Hey buddy, come on! I can't stand to see you alone!"

"What? "I turned around.

"I can't see you keep mumbling that life is not beautiful without color." He continued with both eyebrows lowered.

As long as I've been alive, all the people around me have always tried their best for me. They've always been aware of my words, my despair, and they've even been there when I've been down. They know that giving me motivation won't make my eyes see all the colors. So, they do everything they can to keep me upbeat and happy.

"I do give up all the time, but as long as Mom and you guys are around, I'll be fine. You don't have to worry if I still don't have a girlfriend, I'm not gay," I said as I walked into the house.

"Come on San! This isn't about being gay!"

***

(Arga plays the guitar in a chaotic tone)

"If you can't play the guitar, can you just throw away the guitar? Or don't just throw away your desire to be able to play the guitar," I said while playing the cell phone on the bed.

He didn't listen and was determined to learn the guitar.

"Why do you want to be able to play the guitar so badly? I swear my ears have been suffering all day because of your chaotic playing," I asked frowning.

Arga put away his guitar, "There's a girl I'm eyeing in college. When I saw her social media, she really likes guys who play guitar." He said.

"Yeah? So?"

"Of course I'm learning the guitar so she'll fall in love with me! Also, if a guy can play the guitar, he'll find it easy to get girls." He answered confidently.

I just smiled dismissively. That's just nonsense that clearly has no evidence or facts behind it. If it's true, why do I still not have a lover? I've been good at playing the guitar since I was a kid.

Ddrrrttt...

I picked up the vibrating phone from my mom, "Hello? Mom? What's wrong?" I asked.

In the conversation that took place on the phone, Mom asked me to buy some cakes and sponge cakes at the store that she had sent me the location of, because there would be many of Mom's friends who would come to visit the house. I immediately agreed to Mom's request, and hung up the phone.

"If your friends come to visit, then this is no different from the reunion. I'll just hide in my room.But..." looking at Arga, "I think he will be very happy to see your friends. Because surely they will bring their daughters to visit here." I muttered to myself.

"Why? Why are you looking at me like that?" asked Arga with a mouth.

Shaking his head, "I'm going to the cake shop, do you want to come?" I asked.

"Of course. If I stay here, the cake on this table will run out." He said as he got up and preceded me to leave the house.

That's how my friend is. If you're shameless, you're not my friend.

***

We rode our respective motorcycles to the shop.The distance is quite far from my house, so it only took about 25 minutes.No speeding or rushing.Since Mom said the cake and sponge cake had already been ordered, I just picked it up without waiting long.But it seemed like Arga had arrived first.1 minute was enough for him to go to his destination.

After riding for a long time, my motorcycle finally arrived at the courtyard of the cake shop. Arga was sitting at one of the shop's tables. He seemed to be looking for attention from one of the shop's employees. I wouldn't recognize him as my friend if he would be embarrassed.

Tringgg...

The bell rang when I opened the door.

"Looks like you've found your target, Arga." I whispered as I walked towards the cashier.

"Good if you know," He continued with a face that was quite annoying in my opinion.

I walked towards the cashier while showing the order name, price, cake and sponge that Mom wrote on a cell phone note.

"Hy, Mrs. Santika ordered all that. Have you prepared it?" I asked gently.

The clerk nodded as she walked away from me.She took several large orders.Is there going to be a three-day and three-night party? Why are there so many cakes and sponges? It seems that my mother will give some of the cakes and sponges to the neighbors too.

"Sir, there is one cake that is out of stock and is being made. Will you wait?" asked one of the employees.

"Yes, I will wait. If I may know how long-" Before I could finish my sentence, I paused for a moment as I looked into her eyes.

"Sir? "The girl tilted her head slightly.

My eyes rounded when I saw her face. She was a different employee than before. She was so beautiful and lovely. I was speechless when our eyes met. For the first time, I admired one of God's most beautiful creations.

"Sir?"

"Ah yes! It's alright! I'll wait." I replied immediately after my reverie was broken.

The girl smiled and left me.

It was like a dream to meet a flower transformed into a beautiful woman.I couldn't stop staring at her from a distance.I was very curious, what color clothes she was wearing, what color her eyes were, and what color her hair was.I can't describe more to you.The point is, her long hair and dimples are very beautiful.I just smiled slightly as I sat on the chair in front of Arga.

I couldn't take my eyes off her.She was too beautiful for me not to see.

"Beautiful." I muttered under my breath.

Arga who heard the rare sentence from my mouth,he rounded his eyes and looked at me.

"Who?!" Arga asked.

I smiled and looked into Arga's eyes.

I gave an eye signal, that the girl had mesmerized me. Immediately Arga looked at the girl with the sweet dimples.

"Is she one of the angels who came down to earth? Why didn't I realize there was such a beautiful girl here?" Arga murmured in awe.