Accidental Marriage via Dating App

MAY

I grumbled as the snuggle app recommendation popped up on my Facebook wall again.

God! Why is this even on my page?

I subconsciously scrolled through the Ad reading click baits like "find your happily ever after". I've tried dating apps one time too many. It didn't always work out. In my case, I've always been matched with the wrong guys. My matches were always creeps who only wanted to get laid or pervs looking for a sweet little girl to prey on. So, It was back to facing reality and telling myself I didn't need any man. There was no such thing as the perfect match.

This Ad, however, had been a super pesky one. I couldn't count the numerous memes I had lost because of it.

So I thought hard, If Facebook had refused to stop spamming me with this ad, it must be for a divine reason. My rose quartz was finally working.

Install.

I planned to check it out and then give it a scathing review. That'll show them.

A mail popped in just as the application finished installing. It was from work.

Probably another shift I had to cover. Poor underpaid me.

The app's home page was one sight to behold. A hue of pink and peach blended to mesmerize the eyes. Catching, I had to admit. The logo looked like an 'S' or maybe it was the infinity symbol. I was too psyched to look into the details. The creators were a smart bunch though. Infinity was something most single moms hoped for in dating apps after all. When it was done loading, another pop-up appeared asking me for my sign-up details. I did the necessary and watched it load...again! It made me begin to rethink the whole scathing review stuff. I had serious things to do with my life. Like wash my dishes or begrudgingly look into that email.

One look at the sink behind the living room and my undying love for dropping bad reviews on apps returned.

There was another pop-up. It said, Do you accept all terms and agreements? There was also an option to read through their terms but who the hell read those? I did try once, Only because I was bored out of my mind and the only thing I understood was the privacy policy. Plus, the terms could not be some sinister plans to dominate my life so I didn't have to worry about what they contained. It was the permissions you had to be careful of.

I hit the accept button and I was immediately directed to my profile. I needed a name, a profile picture, and course a brief tale about my likes and dislikes. It wasn't necessary. I had the app already and that was enough for me to give the review but I was just having harmless fun.

Likes? I thought hard before hitting the buttons on my screen. I liked honesty, boundaries, communication, and respect. The generic stuff...

In a way, the baby boomers were right. The internet was our kryptonite and mine happened to be Snuggle.

***

EDMOND

I walked through the gilded doors of my agency a wounded lion. Lucille's words still echoed in the crevices of my ears and it hurt.

"I have not been feeling fully satisfied in this relationship and think it would be best if we broke up. I do not feel confident in our relationship succeeding going forward and I really need some time alone to work on myself."

What did that even mean, I asked myself as the receptionist came rushing by. I had done everything in my power to satisfy Lucille and make her happy. If there was any truth in the words she told me, what part had I been lacking in? Our sex life was amazing and we spent quality time together if I was opportune to. The break-up felt like an itch in my throat I could not quite reach.

"Sir, we have a problem." The receptionist made known vocally. She seemed tense and that meant bad news.

"And what might that be?"

"May Wolfe, the agent who was supposed to meet with today's client bailed. Mrs. Verna is quite pissed. I have reached out to May several times on her work email but no replies are forthcoming. What do I do?"

The unwelcome news was the straw for me. I didn't even know this May but now I had a bone to pick with her. She just made my day progressively worse. "Send my sincerest apologies to Mrs. Verna and ask if we can reschedule."

"Of course," The receptionist muttered, immediately turning to her desk to begin working on it but as she did so. I was reminded of May Wolfe. The no-good slacker that ruined my already shitty afternoon.

"And, inform the manager to dispose of May Wolfe. We can't have a slacker in a demanding workplace. Can we?" She nodded nervously while typing furiously on the keyboard in front of her. I took that as my cue to leave. I walked up to the top floor, keyed the lock, and collapsed on a chair. My feet propped up to the table in exhaustion as I scrolled through my call log to call Lucille again. She had been ignoring me and with my shitty luck, it wouldn't be long before she blocked me but I needed an answer. Not one of that committed pacifist rubbish mouthed in hopes of soothing my wasted ego.

Call.

Again, Lucille ignored my call and it went directly to voice mail. I cut it and scrolled through my phone's drawer. Instagram was the go-to. Lucille was sort of an influencer and I knew she couldn't go a day without posting something. A part of me was sure I would get my answer there even if I might not like it. With a little closure, I truly hoped the truth would set me free. Opening the app, I was greeted by a lovely quote from Lucille.

I may have lost someone who didn't love me but you lost someone who truly loved you.

I could barely find the words to describe my shock. Lucille was clearly talking about the breakup. Our breakup! All while antagonizing the heck out of me. I wasn't one to comment but her pretentious quote made my fingers itch. Upon clicking the comment icon, I was greeted by floods of heart emojis and pity notes from strangers. They all directed love to Lucille with many calling the jerk–who so happened to be me– an evil monster who didn't know what he lost. One comment did catch my eye.

"Well, your new man must be ten times hotter than that jerk anyway. I'm swooning," The atrocious comment said. I scrolled upward, stalking Lucille's profile and hoping it was just wishful prayers from one of her fangirls but it wasn't. The most recent photo on Lucille's feed was a raunchy photo of herself and a sun-kissed hunk tongue fucking. The caption below read, life is better with you.

My heart sank and the world went black for a second. It had barely been a day. Everything about this felt wrong. I refused to acknowledge that this man was the reason Lucille ended things with me. Sure he was far good-looking and judging from the highly developed muscle that did not miss the camera's eyes, you could tell that he was a gym rat but that was it. Did she dump me for a camera-worthy guy? Or was it because I refused to give consent to her voracious demands to let the world know her man? I didn't have an answer to any of those questions but Lucille did. Against better judgment, I was going to attempt calling her again when I caught another quote, Get your forever. Except for this time, it wasn't something spiteful directed at me. No, it was some sort of dating app advertisement.

"Snuggle..." I muttered. I wasn't sure what came over me at that moment but I hit the pop-up. It was a dating app alright. The one thing that did stand out was its playful peachy colors and whooping five-star ratings. Now that was odd. Dating apps were huge time sinks and the surety of actually ending up with a good partner was once in a blue moon. I was so much in denial that strangers on the internet found a better love life than me that I was willing to do anything to inflate my deflated pride. I scrolled the reviews one by one.

Good, It said. The first two weeks were tough but Brian was indeed the one for me. Thank you snuggle, Another rating said. I dived lower and lower but one thing was clear. There was not a single four-star. Not even a one. It made me wonder if the app was god-sent so I installed it and signed up. A notice popped up asking if I agreed to the terms and conditions. There has the urge to check its permission guidelines but curiosity got the better of me. I clicked the accept button which led me to my profile. As I filled up the necessary and successfully set up my profile, I got a notification from snuggle.

"Congratulations, "It said. "you're married."

MAY

I was in the middle of washing my dishes when my phone buzzed for the second time. Out of curiosity, I wiped my hands and picked up the mobile. There was a missed call from an unknown number and strangely a notification from Snuggle. I pulled down the notification bar and squinted my eyes to read.

"Congratulations, you are married."

I will be completely honest. It made me laugh. That was it! I was finally done with the app. I visited the app store, gave it a one-star review, and proceeded to delete it.

Error, It sent. You cannot delete snuggle until your package has expired.

"Fucking Christ," I muttered. I hadn't realized I had given the sketchy app administrator privileges. I was going to do my little research on how to rid myself of the app when the strange number from earlier popped up. In a fit of blind rage, I hit the accept button and immediately yelled into the phone. "Who is this? I am really busy so this better be worth my time."

"Am I speaking to Miss May Wolfe?" The feminine voice questioned.

I was quiet for a second. Who was this, I wondered? They knew my name. Then it hit me. That foul app. Snuggle. This was probably one of their representatives reaching out concerning that sketchy notification they sent my way. Now I was done with them. "Yes, and I would like to cancel whatever offers Snuggle has for newcomers. I am not even interested in the app any..."

"Snuggle?" The woman repeated a bit confused. "I think you have got it all wrong Miss Wolfe. I am the receptionist from Walter agencies and I'm calling to find out why you could not make it to work today."

Shit, I mumbled to myself. I had singlehandedly made a huge fool of myself to a woman I should have known. I wondered what she thought about me now. We had spoken a few times already and I had asked for the contact details only to go ahead and not save it. Although, her queries about the shift threw me off balance. "Why would I be coming to the agency today? My shift was tomorrow and there is no way in hell that I will be covering someone else's shift if a bonus isn't guaranteed."

An eerie silence followed. The white noise got louder as did my heartbeat. A feeling of dread washed over me and I dashed out of my tiny apartment's kitchen to the living room. Wiping the residue of water that remained on my hand, I flipped open my laptop and checked my emails.

"Miss Wolfe, you might have gotten your dates mixed up. You were supposed to be here hours ago to escort Mrs. Verna to the property." The receptionist said it at the same time that I read through my second recent email.

"Jeez, I honestly had no idea. Could you apologize to the woman on my behalf and try to go get her to reschedule? I can't have my name going in the blacklist."

The receptionist cleared her throat uneasily. "I don't think...You don't need to worry about that anymore."

My mind did a dive. Did she take initiative to actually help me? My erratic heartbeat finally calmed and I took a look at the title of the most recent email. "Your marriage certificate is ready," It said. Another spam from snuggle. I clicked the mail and reported it as spam. "I am really grateful for your help. I really don't know how I forgot. It's so unlike me."

I expected a nervous laugh from the receptionist as she would try her possible best not to let the pride of goodness get into her head while reassuring me that was the bare minimum but nothing of the sort followed. The receptionist remained quiet and the long sigh that followed shortly after revealed to me that I might have been positive a bit too soon. "Is something wrong?" I probed.

I heard the receptionist curse under her breath while muttering something about being emotionally stunted before returning to the conversation. "I hate to break it to you but the boss visited today. He was pretty pissed off and he seemed to snap when he learned you canceled on a client. He asked me to inform the manager of your excesses. You will probably be getting a termination letter latest tonight."

That sentence broke me.

***

I tore through the tampered glass doors of Walters estate thirty minutes later, amidst hot tears and complete breathlessness.

"What are you doing here?" The receptionist queried, her hands sliding into my side. "You should go," She whispered into my ear. "We have clients and it would be unwise and unnecessary to cause a scene."

"I'm here to see that smug bastard and I will not be leaving until I see him."

The receptionist gave an empathetic sigh. "Have a seat. I'll reach out to Mr. Edmond. Whether he wants to see you is up to him."

We both came to a stalemate and I proceeded to seat while she reached out to Edmond Walters. The air was cruelly cold and I found myself fiddling with my duffel bag and smoothing the rough pencil skirt I had shimmied on in a rush to make it on time. I saw the receptionist pull down her landline in disappointment. The back of my eyes burned and my throat itched realizing what that could mean for me. However, before I could burst out into a cry and further embarrass myself, the receptionist's landline shrilled. I watched as she inhaled and exhaled before picking up the phone from its holder. In a moment, she placed it back and called out.

"May Wolfe, Mr. Edmond would like you to come up to his office."

With a grateful smile, I walked up to the elevator. The second floor up, I knocked on Edmond's door, my stomach, knotting with uncertainty.

A strong baritone voice came from behind the door. "Come in."

I stepped into the office. Edmond-tall, broad-shouldered with jet black hair, and dressed like a Ralph Lauren ad-lifted his icy gaze from some papers and spoke, "Ah, You must be May. Please close the door and have a seat." He gestured at the white chair in front of his mahogany-polished desk. Cold dark eyes settled on me. "Would you like some water?"

"No, thanks. I'm good." I lied. My throat was beyond scorched but I wasn't here to fraternize with the man that just fired me.

"Very well, let's get straight to it." He said, folding his hands and sighing. " Why are you here? Because if it is to reason with me on why you should still get to keep your job, I should let you know that my mind is made up. You'll be given your check tomorrow then I want you gone.

"It was one mistake," I said, trying to sound as professional as possible but I even failed at that. My shaky voice was a dead giveaway. "I got my dates mixed up. I am begging you, give me another chance. I will prove to you that I am not a slacker."

"The jobs I provide are highly coveted in the corporate world and the stunt you pulled today with Madame Verna is what makes and breaks the industry that I operate. Your numbers are good but not the best. It's been three years since you began working here but you have only been able to get two clients to sign our housing contracts. I am indeed sorry but I have to let you go."

"Spare me!" I finally retorted, slamming my table so hard on the table that it felt personal. "Others in this agency have it worse than I do."

The corporate king lowered his gaze. "But it is also my company and I decide who I want to let go. Do you have a problem disseminating that?"

Yes. Yes! I did have a problem disseminating that. His response could only mean he fired me with a motive. One I could not quite put my finger on. His last words did hit me hard. With Edmond's words constantly ringing in my head, it was challenging to keep things drama-free. I wanted nothing but to jump at him and tear off that smug look he had on his face.

"A security officer will escort you back to your desk to collect your belongings and will take your security pass on the way out." Edmond continued.

Security, I scoffed. I was being treated like a criminal now. "Very well," I managed to say in the most civil tone that I could muster. "Goodbye." I then made my way to the door when my phone chimed in unison with Edmond's. I peered at the screen and noticed the snuggle application had opened itself on its own.

"It can be hard opening your heart to someone new but snuggle won't let you dwell on old things", I read. My eyes then slowly drifted down. Below the quote, there was a document titled your marriage contract. In the parties section, I saw a name. A strangely familiar name. Numb, I looked back at the man that had just fired me. As if the shock was not enough, a notification from snuggle HQ dropped.

Seems like you have bumped into your better half before we could work our magic. How is he?

MAY

"What the..." I heard Edmond mutter. "Is this you?" He asked, pointing his phone in my direction.

Yes, it was me. The picture that shone back at me was an impromptu selfie I had taken as my snuggle profile picture.

"Why are you even on the app?" I retorted to deflect the attention back at him. My eyes flicked at the file titled your marriage contract. This was weird. No, this was effed up. I refused to let this worsen the already humiliating counting minutes of my life so I did what any reasonable woman would do in such a strange scenario. I stepped out of the room. Outside, a guard was already waiting for me.

"Miss," The giant man began. "I'll be escorting you to your desk if there are any important things you would like to retrieve."

I scowled and let him lead the way. Retrieving my important documents, forgotten lunch boxes and my trusty hairbrush only led to another embarrassing fiasco. I shared my table with two coworkers. As I filled the box provided with everything I owned, I felt them staring, judging me and from the corner of my eyes, one of them, Chad Preston, gave a mocking smirk. I didn't need to read minds to guess why. Chad had been one of the few to consider me a pursuable conquest and I had rejected him outright. He was probably enjoying this. With the shambles of whatever pride I had left, I strode out of the building barely managing to keep my tears in. Storming to the side of the road to flag a taxi down, the words of Edmond Walters flashed at the back of my mind. It's my company and I decide who to let go... How was I going to survive without my salary? I had bills to pay. With whatever compensation the agency that just fired me would give, I could guarantee that it would only be able to cater for one of my many expenses. In truth, my expenses were not many. Just two really. A house and foodstuffs. I either chose to have a roof above my head and die starving or vice versa as I returned to the corporate market job hunting. A taxi stopped and I got in.

"492 Trainer Avenue." I managed to say with a croaked voice. The driver nodded in understanding and began to drive leaving me once again with my crippling thoughts. Portland was a big place with a lot of talented individuals who were still struggling to land even blue-collar jobs. I dreaded that it might have to come to squatting with my mother back at Clearville just when I thought I had gotten the pieces of my life together. My phone beeped again and while I wanted to fight the urge to just ignore the damn thing, I couldn't. Something told me it would be from that cursed app and what I truly needed at the moment was to divulge all my anger and pain to something else other than myself. I was right. It was another notification from Snuggle.

It's okay to be a little shy, It said. We noticed you didn't spend enough quality time with your new husband so Snuggle's own little helper will be on her way to help you. Be nice.

I let out a heavy sigh and tried to delete the app for the second time. Again it failed, sending me an error code that informed me that I did not have permission to delete the app. I gave up and threw the phone into my duffel bag. If I kept on trying, there was a high chance that I would toss my phone out the window in unbridled rage. The taxi pulled over in front of my apartment. I paid the driver and highlighted. I took in the sight of the ramshackle with odd blue doors I had come to accept as home. Soon, it would be all gone. I dropped the heavy box and my shaky hands searched the depths of my bag for my keys.

"Hi there May Wolfe," A hyper-feminine voice greeted.

Hearing my name from a total stranger made my skin crawl. I was not what people would call socially engaged so I sure as hell did not know this woman. My hands froze for a moment and I slowly turned. My hands dug into my duffel bag again. This time for pepper spray or that fucking key so I could gut this stranger if the need be.

"Hi," I slurred, wearing a plastic smile as I made eye contact with her. The first thing I noticed was the woman's prominent red lips. Like the candy red that coated her lips, the woman was also dressed in a red designer pantsuit that emphasized her feminity. She looked elite. On her right hand was an Ipad and she looked a bit puzzled when I continued to stare.

"Who are you exactly and how do you know my name?"

The woman clicked her iPad for a few seconds before beaming at me with the whitest set of teeth I have ever seen. "You can call me Cupid. I am your love manager."

My eyebrows flicked upwards in suspicion. "Love what?"

"Love manager." She repeated. "Snuggle sent me."

My confusion immediately metamorphed into one of disgust. She was the one the notification was referring to. I picked out my phone from my bag and pointed it at Cupid's face. "I don't know who you people are or what your deal is but I don't want anything to do with this insanity. I am not married. I don't want to be. Especially not to that bastard. So tell me how to delete this godforsaken app so I can get back to hating myself and my pathetic life."

A little dimple showed on each of her cheeks as Cupid pushed my phone aside as gently as she could. "I am afraid I cannot help you in that department. However, may I know if you identify as a feminist?"

"No!" I shot back. "Wait... I don't know. Why does that even matter?" I watched her tap on her screen like she was taking important notes for her higher-ups. It enraged me. I slapped her hands off the screen and pointed a finger in her face. "Hey, you listen to me, I don't give an f about happily ever afters or this app so help me get rid of it or fuck off."

Like before, all Cupid did was click on her screen. Only this time, she pointed the Ipad in my face and read out loud. "Section 1.1.9 clearly states that only after a thirty working days test drive of marriage can you demand dissolution."

"What does that have to do with me? I didn't agree to any of this." I whined.

"But you did," Cupid said, sliding to the bottommost part of the document. "See." To my shock, I noticed my signature. "That's your signature." Cupid pointed with contagious glee.

"I can clearly see that. Why does Snuggle have that?"

"Because you gave us permission to do so."

That was it. The last straw. I turned my back to Cupid, found my keys, pushed it into the keyhole, and turned the doorknob. I was going to go in, find some leftovers in the fridge and get some much-needed sleep.

"Miss. Wolfe," Cupid tensed. "Where are you goingW we need to talk."

I ignored her and slammed the door in her face. She continued ranting as I made my way to the fridge to retrieve some leftover pizza from last night. Something about using coercion to get me to cooperate. I hammered to my head that if I refused to give her an audience. She would get frustrated and eventually leave. As I made my way to the microwave to reheat the pizza, I noticed she had gone quiet.

"That was easy," I muttered to myself. My phone beeped and I checked to see what new stunt Snuggle was playing. My stomach flipped and my mouth hung open the moment I looked at the new notification. It was a debit alert from my bank. Someone –Scratch that– Snuggle had cleared my bank account of two thousand two hundred dollars. My entire life savings.